Titanic - starring //\\//sync!

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You've all been wondering, come on, you know it, what would happen if NSYNC on the Titanic? Who would get left behind? Who would get on the lifeboats? Who would be the one who saves Rose from the icy water? If you never saw the movie Titanic, you might not get the parts between a certain person and Rose, but if you kind of know what the movie was about, you might get it.

(Reminder: I did not write this...Laura did) Also Staring: Carson From TRL as Rose's fiance 98* as the guys who make the ship crash! Laura (me) in a guest appearance {I don't like Chris! I stress this I don't!}

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All the boys are getting ready to board the Titanic. They all have their first class tickets in hand, ready to board, their manager tells them one last thing.

Manager: OK, Chris, I'm putting you in charge of Justin. He must be watched at all times.

Chris: Why not make JC do it? He could beat the crap outta anyone. Now I know why everyone thinks I'm gay, cause you always put me in charge of the gay boy himself!

Justin: Hey, yo, I like dem awesome room assignments they gave us yo!

Chris: (under his breath) I don't.

JC snickers

Joey gives a small laugh.

Lance: Well, this will give me a chance to spend time with my best friend, Justin.

Justin: But Lance, I thought we wuz gonna--

Lance: Shut up Justin.

On the ship...

Joey: Me and JC are sleeping in this room, and you and Lance and gay boy get to sleep next door.

Justin: Did I just here someone say my name yo?

JC: No gay boy, shut up.

Chris: Why exactly do we have to ride on this stupid ship anyways? Can't we just ride in a plane like normal people?

JC: No, because it's 1912 and there aren't any airplanes that can takes us over water this far, and we have a concert in New York to be at.

Chris: Oh yeah, that's right!

Lance: Well, let's all get unpacked, and then we can enjoy our stay on the ship.

Chris: I get the feeling some of us will enjoy it more than others.

Justin: What you be sayin foo?

Chris: Shut up gay boy.

They all get a good nites rest and wake up, sadly, in the morning.

JC: Ooo, I feel good.

Joey: Urhff

Justin: What you be saying foo??

Chris walks in the room with a strawberry daqueri in his hand

Justin: MMMM...Justin wants that.

Chris guards it with all his might and Justin begins to cry and wail for Chris to give it to him. Finally JC screams at them both to give it to him.

Joey whines cus he wanted it too

JC: As the leader of this group I demand having this...plus, if I gotta take care of you idiots all day, I'm gonna need to be drunk.

They all get dressed in thier clothes and head out on dock. Justin begs Chris to let him go out and hang with Lance, but Chris refuses.

Chris: If that man sees you away from me, hes gonna look me in the bottom of the boat and let me die while water rushes above my head!

Justin, completly confused, and walks away.

Jc is taking to some Irish guy about angels flying out peoples butts when he sees this beautiful girl lean over the high balcony.

JC: Yo, could one of them angels come out of your butt and fly me up to her??

Irish guy: Oh 'er mah laddy, nah she too hey class fer ya...

JC: Did you call me a ladie??

Irish guy: No, I called you a laddy

JC: Dude, don't be dissin' me like dat!!

Irish guy: Dude?? Dissin'?? Dat???

Jc: Man, you be so outta whack...here, if you get me with her, I'll teach you slang. Deal??

Irish guy: Umm, ser...

They walk away and head inside while Lance sneeks over to Justin and taps him on the shoulder.

Lance: Hey! Psst...come over here....

Justin: Huh!!??

Chris: Oh no you don't, gay guy... get your lazy butt over here!

Justin: OOOHHH!!!

Later, the night of the ship sinking ... In the dining room, Justin and Lance are in a secluded area, where it's really dark and no one can tell who they are.

Justin: I'm happy yo we finally gots some time to be alone yo Lance. (takes Lance's hands into his)

Lance: Me too Justin

Justin: You know why I love you foo...

Lance: No, why, tell me.

Justin: Because you look like a girl. A really pretty girl.

Lance: You really think so? I've tried so hard…

Justin: I knows it. I knows you just front dat 'Big Ego' thang. Inside you's a really stupid guy yo that does whats he does because people scream when he does it.

Lance: You know me inside and out Justin. I'm so glad you care about me. I love you Justin.

Justin: I love you foo. (sings) "I never thought that love could feel like this.. and you changed my world with just one kiss... how could it be that right here with me there's an angel it's a miracle"

Lance: Oh Justin, you know I tear up everytime you sing that song...

Meanwhile, on the boat deck…

Chris: (he's talking to himself, because I couldn't express his thoughts any other way) Well, at least Justin went to eat dinner with Lance. Finally, an hour without him! (Sees JC) Hey JC, wassup?

JC: Yo man, I just saw this fine girl, and her name is Rose. Accept some guys told me she's real high class, you know, and her mom hates singers. Doesn't that suck?

Chris: Yeah, that sucks like a fish man. Where is she right now?

JC: Over there, on that railing.

Chris: Hey, doesn't it look like she's about to jump off?

JC: Yeah, it kinda… wait a second! She is jumping off!

Chris: Go save her man!

Meanwhile, Joey has to find peace away from the crazy saga known as NSYNC, so he goes out on the boat deck and looks out over the water.

TeenyBopper # 1: Hey, isn't that Joey from NSYNC?

TeenyBopper # 2: You mean the other NSYNCers have names? I thought it was just Justin, JC, and those other three guys that know them.

TeenyBopper # 1: Well, whoever it is, he might know Justin. Let's go rip off his clothes!

TeenyBopper 1 & 2: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Joey: What the… AHH!! (Runs off in the other direction of the teenyboppers)

TeenyBopper 1 & 2: We want Justin! We want Justin!

Joey: Heeeeellllpppp meeeee…..

Meanwhile…

JC: Don't jump!

Rose: Who are you!?

JC: My name is JC and you are really fine so don't jump!

Rose: Oh, well that's very encouraging.

JC: Well… uhh… (thinks of something suave to say) If you jump in, you are so fine I would have to dive right in after you, and then we'd both freeze to death in that cold as hell water. You don't want to kill me, do you?

Rose: Well, I suppose not, but…

JC: Come on, just come back on this side of the railing and we can talk about it.

Rose: Well, ok. (Climbs back up the railing. And then she trips with her stupid high heels and falls, but then JC pulls her back up)

Rose: You saved my life.

JC: Kinda ironic, huh? You were gonna jump off, but then you just ended up falling anyways.

Carson:Unhand my fiance!

JC: Fiance?!

Carson: Yes, my fiance.

JC: How old are you, like, 13?

Carson: No! I'm 28! I just act like a 5 year old when I'm VJing! Wait a second, there wasn't any tv in 1912… I play a 5 year old on the radio… or something like that. Anyways, what were you doing with my wife!?

Rose: He saved my life!

JC: Yeah, she, uh, fell, over the railing, and I, uh, caught her.

Carson: Oh. Well. That's wonderful. Why don't you join us for dinner tonight?

JC: Uhhh…. I dunno…..

Rose: Please?

JC: OK!

Meanwhile…

Chris: (talking to himself again) I hope JC saved that Rose girl OK.

Voice in the distance: Ahhhh….

Chris: Where have I heard that sound before…

Voice in distance: Ahhhh…. (gets louder)

Chris: Oh yes, now I remember…

Voice in distance: Ahhhh…. (gets louder)

Chris: It was a concert in Tokyo…

Voice in distance: Ahhhh…. (gets louder)

Chris: And Joey was being chased by a bunch of screaming-- (Joey runs by, screaming his head off and his shirt is half ripped off, followed by about 50 teenyboppers, hands outstretched.)

Chris: girls. Hmm. It's too bad everyone thinks I look like a gay. .

Meanwhile, the dining room that Justin and Lance were in has turned into a gay strip joint because there was nothing better to do with it after dinner time.

Lance and Justin: (Up on a stage, Lance doesn't have his shirt on, Justin does) (singing) Here we go.. one more time.... those girls look freaking fine here we go.. but yes yes yes Here We Go.... being gay is da flow! (they stick there tounge out at each other, and Lance reaches to unbutton Justin's shirt.)

Justin: Noooooooo!!!!

Lance: (jumps back) (music stops)

Justin: You can't take off da shirt foo alls those peoples will see my anorexic body yo! (runs off the stage crying)

Lance: (Shrugs his shoulders and continues singing and stripping)

Meanwhile, JC goes to dinner.

Rose: What are you wearing?

JC: You don't like it? (He's wearing his same outfit he wore at the MTV 2000 awards, ya know the feather jacket?)

Rose: It's very, um, original.

JC: I know, I picked it out myself!

Rose: Sheesh…

Meanwhile, Joey thinks he's finally lost the teenyboppers.

Joey is panting heavily.

Teenybopper: Where'd he go?

Joey: Oh dear, I can't run any longer.

Different Teenybopper: In here!

Joey: Uh-oh.

Another Teenybopper: There he is!

An annoying teenybopper: Maybe Justin touched the shirt he's wearing!

Yet another teenybopper: Get it!!

(Teenyboppers start grabbing at Joey from everywhere, and they grab him everywhere)

Joey: Heeeeeellllllpppp meeeee……

After Dinner…

Carson: We're all going to the smoking room. You want to come JC?

JC: Uhhh…. No thanks.

(Carson, and everyone else leave)

JC: We're all alone now Rose, what do you want to do?

Rose: I don't know, maybe we could go dancing somewhere. have you draw a nude picture of me and then afterwards go have sex in somebody's car.

JC: Sounds good. I know a good dancing place, and I draw like a three yr old but you're going to have to tell me where they keep all the cars.

Meanwhile…

Chris:Geez, this place sure is boring. Isn't there anyone out there who thinks I don't look like a gay? Someone? Anyone? Please….

(JC and Rose walk by)

Chris: Hmmm… I wonder where they're going. Maybe I should follow them and find out.

After sobbing for nearly half an hour, Justin decides to take a walk on the boat deck. He sees about fifty girls ripping clothes off of something. A piece of cloth flies right past his face.

Justin: Yo, dat looks like Joey's shirt. It is Joey yo! Those girlz are rippin all his clothes off yo! Aight! Maybe I should help him or something yo. Do I have a reason to help fat butt though? No, I'm not gonna save his butt, the only person I'd ever save is JC, because without him I would never have gotten to meet Lance.

But Justin doesn't know that in talking to himself he let the teenyboppers hear him, so in the blink of an eye they are all off the nearly naked Joey, and start ripping clothes off of Justin.

Justin: Aww g! Now all those fly Teenyboppers will know that I'm anorexic and experiment being like my brothers with bod-ay paint yo! They will never buy our cd's. They make up 97.34% of the dumbbutts that buy our crap CD's!

Joey: (runs off, wearing only boxers, not caring whether Justin was being molested or murdered)

Meanwhile, in a loud dance club looking sort of thing in the lower decks…

JC: Welcome to the best dance club on the Titanic, the Futuristic Dance Arena. In the future they're supposed to have this music called 'disco'.

Rose: It's very, um, interesting.

Chris: (he's kinda back still at the door after following JC and Rose, and he's talking to himself) Cool! A disco club in 1912! I'm the happiest man alive…

JC starts dancing like a weirdo with Rose, and Chris breaks down and gets funky with his bad self. For awhile, Chris' dancing is the hit of the party until…

Some dude: Hey, look at that guy, he's ugly! What's that thing on his head?

Some lady: He's got the ugliest hair I've ever seen!

Some other person: He's… he's a gay!!

Another person: Hey sir, stop dancing! You're ugly! We hate ugly people here! Ugly people can't dance!

Chris: (stops dancing) But you guys thought I was a good dancer 5 seconds ago!

Some dude: Yeah, well, now we think you're ugly, so every opinion we have about you changes.

Chris: That's not fair!

Some lady: Tough luck, chick.

Chris: (leaves dance floor and sulks in a corner)(talks to himself again) Why does everyone think I'm ugly? It's not my fault Busta Rhymes gave me bad taste in hairdos. It's not my fault Justin wants to be black and introduced me with Busta-Bust. It's not my fault that one of my eyeballs always seems to be a little bit bigger than the other.

Laura: (ok, I had to make a special appearance in this story) I think you'd be even cuter if you cut your hair.

Chris: Huh?

Laura: I think you should cut your dreadlocks.

Chris: Someone… someone likes me?!? I'll cut my dreads! (cuts them with a knife he had in his pocket)

Laura: Uh-huh. Wow you look better! And I even like your eyes.

Chris: I'm… I'm speechless, will, will you marry me?

Laura: Um, I'm 13?

Chris: That's Cool! I can wait!

Meanwhile, Lance decides to take a stroll after he gets all his clothes back on. He notices a pile of girls, shreading something to pieces.

Lance: Justin! My Boo! What are you girls doing to him?

About one fourth of the girls run over to Lance, but in anger that some people might be hurting his one and only true love, he throws them over the side of the ship. He runs over to the other pile of girls, and pulls them off two by two and flings them over the side of the ship too. Finally, he reaches Justin, shirtless, but at least he still has his pants on.

Lance: Justin, are you ok?!?

Justin: (in some what of a state of shock) they… they… took… took… my… my… shirt… shirt... yo...

Lance: Oh, my poor baby! I will take care of you! (carries him off to their bunk)

Back in the dance club

JC: Oh, Rose, I love you…

Rose: Great, now we can go find that car and have some sex!

JC: Woo-hoo!

Chris: (on the other side of the dance club)(He's still talking to his only fan in the world) I'm the happiest person in the world! I have a fan! (starts dancing and singing) I have a fan… I have a fan…

Laura: Shh… I don't want people to know I like you! It would be embarrassing!

Chris: Oh, of course it would. I'm so sorry.

Outside of Joey's room…

Joey: Finally, I'm here. This ship is so damn big. Whose stupid idea was that? Oh well, at least now I can get into some clothes. (Joey puts his hand on the door when…)

Teenybopper # 1: Revenge of the teenyboppers!

Joey: Help me god!

Teenybopper # 2: We know you don't like Justin, so we must torture you!

Joey: Oh no, angry Justy teenyboppers. This is the worst thing in the world.

Teenybopper # 3: We will torture you with our annoying little voice, and we will tell you how hot and sexy Justin is and we will tell you we will marry him some day, and then we will bitch you out about how we're going to get our lawyer on you to sue you for saying such mean things about Justin, and then we're going to back all of our opinions up with we have freedom of speech!

Joey: NOOOOOO!!!!

The teenybopper gang of about 15 proceed to tie Joey up to a chair so he has no way of getting out of their bitching.

Somewhere near the Titanic, on an iceburg-like thing…

Drew(the 98* boy): Hahahahaha… After the Titanic hits this iceburg all the NSYNC guys will be dead.

Nick(98* boy): Then all the teenyboppers will come to us!

Jeff(98* boy): Yes, they will all bow down to Jeff!

Justin(98* boy): Then I'll be the Justin with the most!

JC and Rose after they had sex in a car and put on their clothes really quick, and now they are on the boat deck near the end of the ship.

Rose: Hey, look at that pretty iceberg!

JC: Yeah… it sure is pretty…

Rose: Gosh, we sure are getting awfully close to it.

JC: I hope we don't hit it.

BOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!! (Ice shatters everywhere onto the deck. JC hears faint laughing from 4 guys, but ignores it)

Rose: Oh dear, I think we hit it.

JC: Me too.

Meanwhile, in Justin and Lance's room…

Justin: What was that foo?

Lance: I don't know, it kinda sounds like we hit something.

Justin: Oh well. At least I'm safe now.

Lance: Uh-huh. No teenyboppers can get us in here.

Teenybopper # 1: We know what room you're in! You can't hide from us! We made Joey tell!

Teenybopper # 2: You better open up the door or we'll knock it down!

Justin and Lance: Uh-oh…

Meanwhile in a dark room on the bottom of the Titanic…

BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!

Teenybopper # 3: What was that?

Teenybopper # 4: It sounded like we hit something.

Joey: Please… I told you where Lance and Justin were… let me go…

Teenybopper # 5: Nonsense! We will never let the mean things you have said to Justin go unpunished!

Joey: Trust me! You've punished me enough!

Teenybopper # 4: Never!

Joey: Fine! Then I will use my last resort… Justin is gay!

Teenybopper # 6: What did you say?!?!?!

Joey: Justin is gay, Justin is gay, Justin is gay, Justin is gay, Justin is gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All Teenyboppers: Noo…. The truth, it's destroying us… help…. I'm melting…

Joey: (Attempts to squirm out of all the ropes he's tied up in.)

In Justin and Lance's room…

Lance: How can we get out of here?!?

Justin: I don't know! I'm the dumb one yo!

Lance: We can climb out the window, and jump down onto the deck!

Justin: Good idea foo!

Lance and Justin climb out the window, and Lance jumps out and lands safely.

Justin: I'm scared Lance!

Lance: Don't worry, I'll catch you!

Justin jumps and lands safely in the arms of Lance.

Justin: Lance, yous my hero yo!

Down on the deck there are a bunch of people running around with bags and getting in the lifeboats.

Lance: Excuse me, officer, what's going on?

Officer guy: (he looks really nervous) The boat is sinking. All woman and children must get in the lifeboats, because there is only enough for half the ship!

Justin: Oh man yo! Dat's not good!

Officer guy: (to Lance) Come on, ma'am, you must get in a boat!

Lance: But I'm not a… OK! Cool! I get a free ride in the boat for looking like a girl!

Justin: But Lance… yo I'll miss you foo!

Lance: Yeah, whatever, I get to live and you don't! Ha ha ha haha ha! (Lance gets in a lifeboat so he can float off to safety)

Back on deck with JC and Rose…

Another Officer Guy: The boats sinking, you need to find yourself a lifeboat!

JC: Sinking?

Rose: We're sinking?

Another Officer Guy: Yes!

JC: I've got to find you a lifeboat! (Drags Rose to where the lifeboats are)

Different Officer: Women and children only please!

Rose: But, I can't leave, you jump, I jump, remember?

JC: No, but if you don't want to leave you could just say so.

Rose: I don't want to leave!

JC: OK!

Back in the dance club…

Some officer guy: Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention? The boat is sinking!

Everyone: What?!?

Some officer guy: It's sinking, but they have to let all the upper class people on the lifeboats first. If there's anymore room left, you guys can get on. We're going to lock you guys down here, OK?

Chris: But I'm first class!

Some officer guy: Then why are you down here?

Chris: Because someone down here likes me!

Some officer guy: That's pretty hard to imagine. I mean, come on, you look like a gay! Why would anyone like you?

Back on the deck… Justin: How dos I live with out my boo? How dos I live? How dos I gos on living?

So, Justin decides to jump off the edge off the ship and drown in the icy water. It's too bad really, but that was the death of Justin.

Back below the decks, Chris is standing against a locked gate with a guard on the opposite side. There are a bunch of lower class people behind him begging to get out too.

Chris: Please, you've got to let me out! I'm part of the band known as NSYNC. I'm riding in upper class!

Officer: But, you are the least popular singer of a gay group.

Chris: Of course I'm the least popular singer of a gay group!

Everyone looks at Chris strangely

Guard: So that means you are traveling in lower class. No least popular members of gay groups are allowed upstairs.

Chris: But, please, I've got to get back up there!

Guard: You are a gay. If you were in a band you would have to be cute. But you are a gay.

Chris: I'm not a gay! God damn it, I'm not a gay! Please! Why do people call me a gay! There are some people in this world that don't think I'm a gay.

Guard: That is very hard to believe. No least popular singers of gay groups are allowed upstairs.

Chris: (spies Joey running from something) Joey!! I'm so glad you're here! Tell this guy that I'm riding in first class!

Joey: (Still has just his boxers on and is bruised up from being beaten up by teenyboppers) (Pushes and shoves people out of the way so he can talk to Chris)

Chris: What happened to you? You look like shit!

Joey: Don't ask. Listen man, we have to get up there. We're riding in first class, and we need to get off this boat.

Guard: You aren't wearing any clothes. No least popular singers of gay groups or naked people allowed upstairs.

Joey: Please, we have to go up!

Guard: You have red hair! You are a red haired freaky naked man!

Joey: I don't have red hair! My hair is brown! I just dyed the top part of it!

Guard: No least popular singers of gay groups or red haired freaky naked men are allowed upstairs!!

Teenyboppers: Ahhhh!! We have come to get you, guy who made fun of Justin!

Joey: Oh shit.

Teenybopper from the back: Wait, I heard some girl on the lower deck is holding Justin's body for hostage, lets get her!!!!

They all scream yeah and run away from Joey.

Joey: Phew...

Later, Chris and all the rest of the lower class people are all waist deep in water.

Chris: You've got to let us out of here! We're going to drown!

Guard: No least popular singers of gay groups allowed upstairs!

Back on the top deck…

Jc: Rose?

Rose: What?

Jc: Hold me! I'm to sexy to die!!!

Rose holds Jc and then he gets an idea

Jc: Umm, how about we try to stay on the boat for as long as we can then jump off when it gets to the very end.

Rose: Is that safe?

Jc: Why the hell not??

Rose shrugs her shoulders and they begin to run to the front of the boat when they bump into Carson.

Carson: You bitch! How dare you run around like a tramp with this stupid fool!!!

Jc: Umm, stupid?

Rose spits in his face and runs away crying, leaving Jc behind.

Carson: You stole a very expensive diamond from me!

Jc: You wear diamonds? Dude, you got problems...

Carson: Now you retard it's Rose's.

Jc: Retard??!!

Carson calls over a guy named Lovejoy to take him to the very bottom of the boat

Jc: Hey isn't that full with water??

Lovejoy: Could be.

Jc: Man this bites...

He takes him down and on the way, Jc bumps into Joey and Chris

Chris: Jc!! Get us out of here!!!

Jc: Dude, pick up that bench and knock down the door!!

Chris: Oh man, DUH!!!!

They break the door down and stampede upstairs.

Meanwhile, Lovejoy has left and Jc is getting bored

Jc: "Oops, I did it again, I stole an expensive jewel, got locked in a room, oo baby baby, Oops I drowned in a ship, but it wasn't my fault...I'm not that smart..."

When suddenly, Rose creaks open the door and raises an ax in the air.

Jc: Hey!!! I'm sorry about the jewel Rose!! Don't kill me!!

Rose: No, I brought it to cut you outta of your handcufffs, whats that about the jewel?

Jc: Oh, uh, nothing. Hey, get me outta here!!!

Rose raises the ax and closes her eyes.

Jc: Wait! Do a practice run over there...

Rose does it three times and misses each time.

Jc: Thats good enough, now get me the hell outta here!!!

She raises it and hits it perfectly.

Jc: Damn!!!

They grab each others hands and run out.

Meanwhile, Chris and Joey are trying to get on a boat

Man: No unpopular gays in by groups allowed to get on a boat.

Chris: What?!? I'M NOT GAY!!!! (he says as he charges the man) (the man pulls out a gun and shoots him)

Joey: You bastard! Oh my little buddy!! Bastico'!!! Bastico'!! Wait, am I talking spanish??

Chris: I'm...not...gay....(then he dies)

Joey: Oh my poor buddy...(then he jumps in the water himself with Chris in his arms. That was the end of Joey)

Meanwhile, the boat is almost completly under water and Jc and Rose are at the top making out.

Jc: Wait, is the boat sunk yet?

Rose: No.

Jc: Ok... (then they continue to make out)

Then the boats sinks and retarded Rose lets go of Jc's hand, she gets humped by some guy and nice Jc after being betrayed, saves her, yet again.

JC: Hey, Rose, why don't you move over so I can sit on the board with you?

Rose: Because you're a fat and you'll make it sink!

JC: Come on, I'm freezing here!

Rose: No, there's not enough room!

JC: Are you kidding? That board is as big as a king-sized matress. And we did it in a tiny car! How can you call that not big enough for two people to lie on? Now let go of the board and let me on!

Rose: I'll never let go JC…

JC: Let go of the damn board!

Rose: I'll never let go…

She bonks JC on the head with a smaller board and knocks him unconscious. Then she peels his fingers off the edge of the board and shoves him off. And that was the death of JC.

Unfortunately, Lance still lives. But that is the thing with bad movies. The worst people in them always seem to be the ones to live.

The End

Email: KaRmAchicas@juno.com