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Captain
Kirk never burped out his lines; nor did he simply SPEAK! as IF!
Every! Other! SYLlable! WAS! of DIRE! ImPORTance! (On people's Kirk
impersonations.)
Spasers
on spun! ("Fresh Prince.")
Ooh,
girl, you's a bad mama jamma! ("Fresh Prince.")
We
were basically one and the same, although Jim was just about perfect, and,
of course, I am perfect. (About Kirk.)
I
hate flying; flat out hate its guts. (On flying.)
Does...um...like
question?...anybody have a like question? (Nervous at convention.)
Have
you ever tried to remain "still and quiet" while an enormous pachyderm
evacuated its bowels on your head? (When an elephant went on his
head.)
Babies
have big heads, and big eyes, and tiny little bodies with tiny little arms
and legs. So did the aliens at Roswell! I rest my case.
(About babies.)
Now
as the light changes, and the car takes off, the little old lady turns,
gives me the finger, and let's fly with "Picard rules! Kirk's an
asshole!!!" I swear to God. Can you imagine? (Trying
to hitch a ride to a horse show)
Down
on the farm, I'm no longer William Shatner, actor/author/father, I'm more
"Billy Bob Shatner, 'good ol' boy.'" I chew straw, I spit, I scratch,
I'm prone to sudden involuntary outbursts of "Howdy," maybe even an occasional
"YEEEE-HAAAAW!" (On his farm.)
I
hit something! What did I hit? Oh please, don't let it be dead!
Please don't let me have flattened Bambi! (On running over a skunk
with his truck.)
I'm
coming little animal! (To skunk.)
At
that point, looking remarkably healthy, the skunk gave me the finger (I
swear!) and casually strolled back into the woods. (After being sprayed
by skunk.)
You
don't understand! This really is William Shatner, and I stink!
(To 911 operator after being sprayed by skunk.)
...uh,...no,
that's not a dog, it's a, uh, miniature Klingon horse, I've captured him
and I'm bringing him back to the zoo on...uh...Rigel Seven. (Discribing
his dog to a Kirk-fascinated kid who's getting a tour of the Enterprise
camper.)
And
he says to me, I swear, "Mr. Kirk...uh, I mean Stratner...dude...William...you
just have to check it out for yourself. (About guy approaching him
on ski slope.)
When
Leonard managed to flub a line about "the heart of the nebulae" into "the
liver of the nebulae," I lost all sense of control, giggling
all over the bridge and spouting back, "The 'liver'? You must be
kidneying. You've got the guts to say that to me?" (About goofing
off on the set.)
I
wanted to sniff those flowers, and fly! (On spores.)
to
hear
Bill
talk!
