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“Wow,” said Edge.
“That’s it? Wow?” asked Bono surprised.
“Wow,” said Edge.
“Wow? Wow? Not even ‘wow!’”
“Yeah, just ‘wow.’ That was a numbing story.” He paused, and then broke into song, “I feel numb.”
Irritated, Bono countered, “That’s my line not yours.”
“Yeah, yeah whatever. It’s still my song.”
“Anyways,” said Bono as he rolled his eyes, “You aren’t upset at all by this whole fairy business?”
“Not really,” said Edge nonchalantly. He picked up the phone and started dialing.
“Who the hell are you calling up now?” asked Bono. He was still miffed that he was unable to get his best bud upset over the fairy story. The idea of musical fairies did not seem to bother the lead guitarist in the slightest.
“Oh, just Adam and Larry. Wait tell Adam hears his fairy hangs out at bars all over the world!” said Edge, grinning.
“Oh good grief.” Bono ran his fingers through his black locks absentmindedly.
About half an hour later, both Adam and Larry showed up at Edge’s door. The four wandered into Edge’s spacious living room, with a beer each.
“So, tell me some more about this fairy business, Edge,” said Larry. Remarkably, even in the middle of the night this pretty boy looked good. Bono felt a slight twinge of jealousy.
Edge had the group nearly in a trance as he relayed the story that Bono had told him earlier. Well, all except for Bono. His earlier ordeals had left him exhausted, so now he was zonked out across Edge’s living room table. Ending his storytelling session, Edge noticed that Bono was in a deep sleep. His eyebrows were raised devilishly.
“What?” asked Adam, noticing Edge’s gaze at the sleeping singer.
“Sshhh!” said Larry, putting a finger to his lips. “The poor guy is tuckered out.”
Edge looked at Larry then Adam. “Yeah, but what’s a better opportunity then this to pull a friendly practical joke?”
“What sort of prank, Edge-Man?” asked Adam. He was always eager for a little fun.
“You guys are awful!” said Larry, throwing up his hands.
“So you won’t help out?” asked Edge, feigning sadness. Larry had to think a moment. “Oh, alright…what’s your plan?”
“Well, my little girl Sian has an old pair of fairy wings for make believe stuff, you know? So I was thinking…what if we somehow put those on Bono and then I’ll take his picture.”
“Genius!” cried Adam. Larry clapped his hands in boyish glee. The two guys followed Edge upstairs to a closet of various things. The guitarist tried not to throw items around too much so that he would not wake up his lover Morleigh or their two kids. Still, there were a few crashes here and there.
“Should I go and check if he’s still asleep?” asked Larry.
“Sure, if you want to. We’ll be down in a sec anyway,” said Edge.
A minute later, Larry headed back upstairs, and the three met on the stairs. Edge proudly held up a pair of silvery wings.
“The B-Man is snoring happily away like his life depends on it,” reported Larry, laughing softly.
“Good,” said Edge. “Oh! I almost forgot my camera. I’ll be back in a sec. Adam, help Larry pin these wings to Bono’s shirt.”
When Edge re-entered the living room a minute later, he nearly burst out laughing. Adam and Larry had done a great job pinning the wings on. Bono was still dead to the world.
“You make a charmingly good fairy,” Edge said to his sleeping buddy. He laughed as he lifted his camera to his face, centering in on the slumbering form of “Bono Fairy.” Snap!
His eyes still fuzzy with sleep, Bono lifted his head to stare at Edge, who was unaware that he was awake. “What’s going on?” he asked drowsily.
The three partners in crime burst into laughter. Edge flipped the picture on to the tabletop, where it landed in front of Bono’s nose. After letting out a quick scream, Bono dove for Edge and tackled him to the ground. Total chaos ensued in the Edge’s house…and the Fairies saw every moment of it.
“I still can’t believe what you guys did to me last night. Geez…and a picture and everything too.”
“Oh Bono, you know we love you. Without you we’re blue. But when you’re here, you’re just so much fun to pick on,” said Edge lightly.
“Yeah, just so much fun to pick on,” said Bono sarcastically. He jabbed the fish on his plate with his fork, and made the calamari angrily dance around the perimeter of his plate.
“Aw, take it easy. I didn’t mean anything by it.” He searched for something in his shirt pocket. “Here, if it makes you feel any better you can take the picture and tear it up into itsy bitsy bits.”
Bono eyed him suspiciously. “Why, did you take other ones? Or make copies? Or…oh no, you didn’t put it online did you?” Edge’s grimace made him continue, “Please say you didn’t. Edge? Edge!”
“Um…why would I want to leak it online…?” Edge asked feebly.
“Edge!!”
“Sshh, we’re in a restaurant, remember?”
Bono lowered his voice. “I can’t believe it. After all these years of being best buds, and you do this. I’m disgusted. I came to you for help and you make fun of my strange situation.” The singer crossed his arms and glared across the table at him.
Edge was silent for a while. He felt bad for upsetting Bono so much. Maybe the prank had not been such a good idea after all. “Hey Bono, how about you and Ali and I go out and see a movie tonight. Whatever you and her want to see.”
“Is this supposed to make me feel guilty for hating you?”
“Yeah,” said Edge, smiling faintly.
Bono made a big show of unfolding his arms and re-smoothing out the cloth napkin on his lap, before saying, “Alrighty then, to the movies we shall go.” He attacked his fish and chips platter with renewed gusto.
Bono thought about it for a minute. “Hmm…I don’t know. Maybe it didn’t want everyone to know about it, and so now it’s keeping a low profile.”
“Yeah,” agreed Edge.
“I have a bad feeling it’ll be back in a little while though, the darn thing. It’s such a persistent little bugger!” said Bono.
The movie previews started so the three stopped talking and sat back in their chairs. Edge was still munching on his box of popcorn. Bono suddenly felt uneasy. He had the same feeling he had gotten each time he had encountered the Fairy. Turning to his wife, he whispered, “I think it’s here.”
Slightly startled, Ali said, “What, the fairy? Now?”
Bono nodded. “Do you want me to hold your hand?” asked Ali.
Edge overheard and had to put his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. “Afraid of a fairy encounter, eh Bono?” he joked.
“Shush…someone might overhear.”
“Oh yeah, we can’t let our fans know about your fairy friend,” said Edge mockingly.
“Can you two please be quiet now? I’d like to see this movie,” said Ali in her no-nonsense tone.
Bono said, “Yes dear, sorry.”
Roughly a half hour passed. Bono was distracted by a voice in his left ear. He turned around, at first thinking that an obsessive fan was trying to get an autograph. However, there was no one in the seat next to him. Slightly unnerved, he turned straight ahead to continue watching the movie.
“Why are you scared of me?” came the voice.
Bono ignored it, pretending to watch the movie screen.
“Why do you ignore me? I know you hear me,” said the high voice.
Ali could sense Bono tensing up next to her. She leaned over and whispered, “What’s wrong baby?”
“Ali, the fairy is here,” he said anxiously. “It’s by my left ear.”
Ali leaned forward over Bono’s lap quickly to try and catch a glimpse of the fairy. Edge, seeing Ali suddenly sprawled over her husband, said to them, “Geez, guys. I know this is a romance comedy film, but please save the romance for later, ok?”
Straightening up, Ali said, “Edge, I was trying to see the fairy. That was, until you scared it off.”
“What, it’s here now?” asked Edge excitedly. A man in the row in front of them turned around and loudly hushed him. Continuing in a loud whisper, “Where is it? I wanna see!”
Swoosh! Something zoomed by Edge’s face. “What the…? Hey, Bono…I think it just took a dive at me…” said Edge.
“There it is! Look!” Ali pointed to the aisle way to the right of Edge. Sure enough, there was a tiny shadow from something that looked white and blue. It seemed to be sitting and watching the movie.
Bono, observing this, said, “Fairies watch movies?”
“How would we know? You’re the fairy expert,” said Edge.
“Am not.”
“Are too. You’re buds with a fairy,” laughed Edge. The couple in front of them spun around and glared at them.
“Am not!” whispered Bono back.
“You two want me to trade seats so you can ‘whisper fight’ more easily?” said Ali. On both sides of her came grumbles in reply.
The Fairy never budged during the rest of the movie. It’s little fairy butt remained fixed on the red carpeted floor of the theatre room. To the three observers, it really did look like Bono Fairy had come into town for a night at the movies, as odd as that seemed for a fairy to do. But then again, Adam Fairy was known to always hang out at bars, so this was no stranger than that.
As they walked out of the theatre a couple hours later, Ali remarked, “I wonder if the little critter enjoyed the movie.”
“Yeah, it’s probably a hopeless romantic somewhere deep inside, just like you Bono,” joked Edge. “Hey, tomorrow when you see him, tell him I say hi.”
Bono rolled his eyes. “You’re one weird mofo, you know that Edge?”
“Oh, alright, I will follow,” said Bono. A couple feet in front of him flew the Fairy.
Swirls of pale cloud enveloped the singer. At times it was hard to see at front of him at all, and more than once he was gripped with fear when he lost sight of the little creature guiding him. He hurried to keep up.
“Where are we going?”
“You shall see when we get there,” came the soft reply.
“And when will we be there?” asked Bono, thinking it was a good thing he was in relatively good shape, from all the recent touring.
“In a few more seconds.”
They arrived at an old stone gate, the walls of which extended in both directions as far as the eye could see. Obscure shapes floated in the not-so-distant horizon. Bono looked around, confused. He had never been here before, and yet it strangely had the taste of familiarity.
“Where are we, Fairy?”
The Fairy took the time to settle on the top of the stone gate, looking regal despite his small size. “This, my dear Bono, is Another Time, Another Place.”
Bono looked around, his eyes trying to focus on the dark forms around them. Something that looked like the gigantic Pop Mart mechanical lemon was slumped oddly against the pole of a shredded Irish flag, the only remnant of which was a white banner. There were heaps of old clothing strewn around, or the ghosts of them. A pair of gold platform shoes sparkled strangely in the dark light. Several trabants littered the foreground. Bono began to see glimpses of people’s faces, his mother’s and Michael’s among others. In terror, he swung to face the Fairy.
“What is going on? What is this place?” he said, the lines on his face showing more prominently than usual.
“Your past, in a way. Everything or everyone who’s ever had a deep impact on you, or was in your life for any period of time at all, is represented here somehow.”
Bono covered his eyes, afraid to look at all the past pain. At the same time, he was curious to see all that was there. “Mother…” he whispered, his eyes becoming moist and his throat tightening. He turned to the Fairy, “And my father?” His voice was so soft with emotion that it was barely audible.
“He is here now too,” said the Fairy. “But they are only representations of your parents. They live here as your memories. Their souls reside with Him, not here.”
Bono slowly walked over to the images of his mother and father, and kneeling down on the grass wet with dew, began to cry. “All I want is you…”
A muffled voice reached his ears, bringing him to her. “Baby…wake up, baby.”
His ears concentrated on that voice, that voice he loved so much. “Ali?” he said in a whisper. Stumbling through the piles of mist-covered memories, he reached out for her vainly. He had to get to her. He had to get to her because then everything would be all right.
He felt a hand on his shoulder, and opened his eyes. The obscure shapes and vast stone gate had been replaced by his master bedroom. He realized his face was still wet and tried to brush the tears away with the back of his hand.
“Oh Ali, please hold me,” he sobbed. Ali held him in her arms and kissed his forehead tenderly. They stayed like that for a long while.
“What a beautiful day,” said Bono in between mouthfuls of a lettuce and tomato sandwich.
“Yes, it is,” agreed Ali. “It’d be a good day to fly a kite.”
“Want to?” asked Bono with a mischievous grin on his face. “I think there’s one in the trunk of the car somewhere. I’ll go get it.”
Ali waited on the blanket on the grass while Bono ran to the car to get their children’s kite. A few minutes later he returned, smiling and holding a blue and green kite. The breeze had died down slightly, but Bono was determined to get the thing up in the sky where it belonged.
He grabbed Ali’s hand and began to run down the hillside, the kite trailing behind them. Finally, a gust of wind hit it just right, and it shot up into the cloud-less blue sky as if its goal was to reach the heavens. Slightly out of breath, they fell onto the grass lying on their backs, laughing hard. The kite string accidentally slipped through Bono’s fingers and they both watched as it twirled a merry dance into the afternoon sky.
“You just lost our kite,” Ali said absentmindedly. She turned to look at Bono, and found his baby blues staring right back at her. Their intensity stirred something inside her. “What?” she asked, even though she knew fully well what was on her lover’s mind.
He leaned over, brushing his lips against hers before whispering in her ear, “I’ve got black eyes but they burn so brightly for you.”
Their lips met and melted into each other in the sort of passion that can come only from old, true love.
Bono sat on a stool in their studio practicing some chords. He had never quite reached the level of proficiency that he would have liked. A little part of him secretly wanted to show Edge someday that he could play guitar, albeit not as well as the lead guitarist, but still good enough not to be made fun of for.
Whenever Bono’s mind was buried deep in concentration, the sky could fall and he would be oblivious. He was in one of those moments now. Brow furrowed, blue eyes lost in that ethereal realm of music, he strummed chord after chord with intense fervor.
He looked up startled, dropping his pick in the process. There was no one else in the room. As soon as the last echo from his guitar dwindled away, the room was heavy with silence. He bent over to get the pick off the floor, and sat there as if frozen in time, afraid that there could be some unseen burglar or stalker in the room. He could feel that someone was there. It was one of those basic human instincts that simply cannot quite be explained.
Five minutes passed. Another five minutes past. Well, thought Bono, if someone was here to steal my ultra-cool fly shades they would’ve done it by now. So I might as well continue practicing.
So he did. Being a bit nervous, he started screwing up some of the notes. “Fuck,” he grumbled under his breath.
Just then Edge stumbled on to the scene. He nodded to the figure of utmost concentration and picked up an acoustic guitar with which to start jamming with Bono. They started playing together, dueling in an unspoken challenge. Halfway through a song, Edge suddenly stopped. “Do you feel something? The air…it feels mighty weird…”
Three somethings dove over their heads. “Fuck!” Edge and Bono said in unison.
“What the fuck was that?” said Bono, covering his head and going down on the floor into the fetal position. Edge cowered down beside him.
“I don’t have the slightest clue.”
“Well, you’re supposed to be the head of this operation; you should know! I’m only the heart.”
“What the hell does that have to do with anything?” asked Edge defensively.
Bono thought a moment. “I don’t know. It just sounded good at the time.”
Edge rolled his eyes.“Let’s try and find whatever it is. Maybe a bird got in.”
“Three of them? C’mon Edge, that couldn’t have been a random bird. I could have sworn there were three…”
“Well, whatever it is, we can’t stay on this floor all night.”
“We can’t?” asked Bono, half-joking, half-serious.
“Do you want a good knockin’ on the head?” asked Edge. Silent, Bono resignedly rose to his feet, but still insisted on holding his hands up in front of his face, just in case it was his ultra-cool fly shades under attack. “Oh brother,” mumbled the guitarist.
The two made their way over to the center of the room, thinking that this way they would have a better view of most of the room. Extra equipment was strewn in all directions, with ashtrays full to the brim, extra guitars, drum sticks, and long cords of cable crisscrossing everywhere. This was all completely normal of course.
It was then that Bono spotted the slightest movement among one of the dusty guitars Eno used as a spare. “Look there!” he said to Edge, pointing.
Edge squinted, trying to make out the tiny form. “What…?” he started, as two more like it appeared.
“It looks like the Fairy,” started Bono, “but why are there three?”
Then it hit both Irish men at once. It was Bono Fairy! Bono Fairy and Edge Fairy and Larry Fairy.
Edge, suddenly finding humor in the situation, slapped Bono on the back and said, “It looks like Adam Fairy is still out hitting the bars.” Even Bono managed a laugh at that.
The Fairies turned their large innocent-looking black eyes towards the singer and guitarist. Seemingly out of nowhere, a cloud of shimmering dust descended upon the pair. When the air cleared, the fairies were no longer in sight.
“Where’d they go?” asked Bono puzzled, lowering his hands from his face now that he no longer feared any potential loss of his shades.
“I dunno,” replied Edge, just as baffled as his best bud. He walked over to Eno’s guitar and started inspecting it. The guitar’s strings were radiating a slight glow. “Hey Bono, take a look at this.”
“I’ll bet it’s even better than the real thing,” said Bono, stepping closer to the guitar in order to examine it.
“Yeah, where the streets have no name,” retorted Edge.
Bono looked stunned. “What do you mean by that?”
“I’m a guitar whiz...maybe not by conventional standards, but all the same I don’t need a fairy-enhanced guitar, so don’t even suggest it!”
Bono bent down and picked up the guitar, sliding the leather strap over his shoulder. He started playing a few chords, then a few more. This guitar was not the same guitar it had been a few minutes earlier. The sound resonating it had a sort of spirit previously unheard of by human ears. Edge watched Bono’s expression closely.
“Bono, don’t you even start to think that you’re a great guitarist now, just because of some dumb fairies…”
The singer was about to respond to this blatantly rude comment, which was so out-of-character for his usually calm friend, when a loud whiz sound passed between them.
Bono spoke, “I see. You want to be known as the best guitarist in U2. You don’t want me to be at your level. You never have, have you?” He looked hurt.
Another loud swish sounded. The two band mates ignored it.
“Why would I be jealous of you?” countered Edge.
Bono was desperately trying to keep his temper in check. He was starting to feel like he would explode at any moment, and he knew that when that happened things could get ugly real fast. “Why wouldn’t you be? In the end, I always appear in more interviews and pictures than you or the other guys. Teenage girls still scream for me as if I were still in my twenties. I wouldn’t blame you if you were a little jealous after all these years.”
“Why would I want that? Who cares how many girls love you more than me. I couldn’t give a damn.”
“Then what’s the fucking issue we’re arguing about here, Edge?” said Bono exasperated.
“Some days you use more force than is necessary…some days are better than others,” mumbled Edge quoting a song from their Zooropa album. He sighed. “I don’t know Bono. I don’t know.”
Bono half-sang, “Don’t worry, it’s gonna be alright. Uncertainty…can be a guiding light.”
There came to be a mutual, unspoken understanding between them that their argument was over. A chorus of fairy voices said what the two of them were thinking but did not vocalize. “We get to carry each other, carry each other.”
“Well said, fairies,” mumbled Bono. Then to break up any awkwardness of sentimentality, he said, “Hey, think it’s time we introduce Larry to Larry Fairy?"
“That’s a great idea. Hey, Fairies, where’s Adam Fairy all this time any way? If Larry meets his fairy friend, Adam is gonna feel left out.”
The three fairies suddenly reappeared, no farther than two feet from Bono and Edge. They sat there, all looking at each other, clearly trying to decide how much information would be considered okay to pass on to the mere humans.
Bono Fairy finally answered Edge’s question. “Well, I’m sure Adam will meet him soon enough. Adam Fairy gave up heavy drinking and just drinks mostly a low-alcohol Budvar nowadays.”
Bono was skeptical. “This the same fairy that was ‘legendary for hanging out at bars all over the world.’ Yeah, whatever.”
The Fairies all looked uncomfortable. Edge Fairy finally spoke up, “There is a rule concerning the connection between a fairy and their human. A rule not generally known by humans, but it is one that greatly affects our lives as fairies.” He paused, sucking in a deep breath for such a little creature. “As you both would know, your pal Adam has cut back dramatically on his drinking for awhile now. That’s all fine and dandy, as it was a very good choice on his part for his life, but it has effects greater than those on his own life. Our rule is known as “So Cruel” in laymen fairy terms. Basically, once a human a fairy is connected to ceases an activity, such as drinking or smoking, the fairy must also cease that activity within the time of one year. So now that your friend Adam drinks only low-alcohol Budvar, Adam Fairy can only drink low-alcohol Budvar. I know it probably sounds like a strange concept to you guys, but it is what we are forced to live by.”
Bono and Edge looked at each other, not knowing what to say for a minute. Then Bono, ever the curious one, asked, “But that doesn’t explain why he doesn’t appear to us ever.”
The fairies all looked at each other, but remained quiet enough that a fly walking could have been heard if there had been one in the room.
“Uh oh,” Edge said. “I have the feeling there could be some animosity towards Adam from his fairy.”
“Put it this way. He’s more bitter than a stadium full of lemons,” said Larry Fairy, speaking up for the first time.
“Well, there must be some way to get Adam Fairy to be reasonable,” rationalized Edge.
Bono stood deep in thought, rubbing his pronounced chin. An idea was beginning to take form inside his head, but he was not sure that it would work. “I think I might have an idea,” he said.
He told Edge his idea, which he had dubbed “Operation Twilight.” Edge nodded his head thoughtfully, trying to decide whether or not to proceed with the scheme. “Well?” asked Bono, eyebrows raised slightly in taut excitement.
“I think it’s totally out of control! Great job, mate!”
“Thanks Reg,” beamed Bono. “So when should we put our little plan into action?”
“Tomorrow?”
Bono laughed, looking at his watch, which read 11:30. “That’s in just a little while.”
“Well, day after then? It doesn’t matter to me.”
“Naw, tomorrow is fine.” He continued, “Hey, I should probably get home now. Gotta be on my best behavior before leaving Ali for the road again.”
“Yeah. See ya tomorrow then.” The two best buds departed for their separate Mercedes and went home.
The next day was rehearsals for their third leg of the tour. They would be leaving for America in a couple days. After they left the studio, Bono suggested they all go to a local pub in Dublin, just to celebrate a little at home before heading out on the road for two months. The others all agreed to meet later that night.
* * *
“You must just be having some weird flashbacks to your drinking days on account of your being so tired. Look here, you’ve barely managed to finish a single drink all night Adam,” spoke Larry matter-of-factly. Adam was standing beside him, staring down at the dark abyss of his lone drink of the night.
Gavin Friday, Bono’s good pal for many years, had joined the group for their little night-out, and now looked around from one member of the band to the next. He was sure he felt something amiss. He gave Bono a Look, basically telling the singer to spill the secret or else. Bono discreetly motioned his friend to step closer, and the two huddled at a nearby table.
Bono murmured, “Watch Adam’s drink closely after he takes a sip.”
Gavin did, and not noticing anything out of the ordinary said, “So?”
“Watch more closely. Does the level look like it rises back up to you?”
After much scrutinizing when Adam was not paying attention, Gavin witnessed the level in the beer bottle rise just ever so slightly. “What the…? Gee whiz Bono, what’s going on?”
“Sshhhh!” said Bono, putting a finger to his lips. “Don’t let him hear us. Anyways, it has to do about our fairies I told you about last week. They cast a spell on Adam’s drink, so that it will never completely empty. We’re hoping that by making it “appear” that Adam got drunk on only one drink his fairy will become happy once again to drink a single drink, and will forget his grudge against Adam. Because you see, Edge, Larry and I are all dying to meet this fourth fairy as well.” Bono let out a quiet but deep chuckle.
By now, Gavin’s eyes were huge. He looked from Bono to Adam to Bono again. “You do realize that tomorrow Adam is going to be out to kill you, yes?”
Bono frowned. “I was figuring he’d be so delighted to see his fairy finally. I never even thought if he’d be mad about us ruining his ‘dry streak.’” He paused. “You think he really will be mad at us?”
“Well, what do you think?”
“I dunno. Hey, it’s too late now anyhow, isn’t it? Might as well just go through with – Hey! Look!”
