"That all?" She asked, absently tapping her pen against the small pad she held.
"That's all," he stated, an air of annoyance tingeing his voice. He heard her shoes squeak on the tiled floor as she turned and stalked away.
He shook his head and unzipped his coat, reaching for the pack of cigarettes he kept in the inside pocket. He fumbled around a bit for his lighter, but finally found it beneath a pack of gum. He glanced around the small cafe, surreptitiously searching for anyone suspicious - anyone who might interrupt his otherwise peaceful afternoon. Finding no one but a booth full of stoners and an elderly couple, he decided all was safe and sifted his hands through his hair, pulling the long strands from his eyes.
He lit a cigarette and took a long, slow drag. He leaned back in the seat as he exhaled, reveling in the calmness he suddenly felt. He'd been itching to escape since he'd woken up to the sounds of his older brothers arguing again, something he'd grown accustomed to of late. Feeling a sense of empowerment he'd gained since his landmark birthday a few weeks before, he'd gotten dressed and walked out on his brothers, not really caring if they noticed or not.
Which apparently, they hadn't. It had been a good three hours since he'd walked unaccompanied out of the hotel lobby and the cell phone in his back pocket hadn't so much as flickered. In a way he felt saddened at the possibility that his own brothers hadn't even acknowledged his absence. But, in a way he couldn't explain, he finally felt...free.
"Here," the cold voice of the waitress accompanied the Styrofoam cup that was slammed harshly down in front of him, a few dirty drops spilling over the rim onto the red checked tablecloth.
"What the hell is your problem?" he yelled, not loud enough to draw the questioning glares of the cafe's other customers, but loud enough that he got his point across to the clumsy waitress.
"Sorry," she murmured, swiping at the drops with the corner of her apron. She poured a tiny amount of coffee into his cup, filling it back up to the rim. Zac watched her with consternation, impatiently waiting for her to finish so he could get back to his relaxing. His eyes drifted up her outstretched arm and when they reached her face, he instantly wished he could take his words back.
Her face was pale and thin, her sallow lips pressed into a thin line. Tiny worry wrinkles creased the skin around her tired blue eyes, making her look years older than she so obviously was. Her thin hair was pulled back into a messy bun held together by a spare pencil. She was probably not much older than him, but the fact that she'd been through far harder times was unmistakable.
"Um...that's okay.." he said suddenly, startling her as she finished wiping down his table. "Don't worry about it." She nodded slightly as her lips turned up into a faint smile. Before she turned away, he caught sight of the name tag adorning the left shoulder of her worn apron. Julie.
--
Zac tugged another cigarette out of the pack, noting with dismay that he only had two left. His brow creased at the thought, wondering how he could've smoked an entire pack in the time he had been sitting in the booth at the cafe. But when he caught sight of his watch, he remembered. 11:42.
He'd spent the entire day, and part of the night, sitting in that same booth, downing coffee, chain smoking, and watching Julie. Since she'd brought him the first cup, he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off her. He found himself fascinated with her, the way her thin form floated from table to table, refilling coffee and taking orders; the way her hair would come undone every hour or so and she'd stop and messily put it back up, the way her tired eyes seemed to light up when a familiar customer came in the shop. He found himself imagining her life in his mind, trying to figure out what course her life might have taken to lead her to this tiny cafe in the west side of Chicago. He found himself feeling ashamed that his own life had led him here for entirely different reasons.
She came back to his table every so often, refilling his coffee and bringing him a couple of sandwiches when the lunch and dinner hours approached. She never spoke, save her polite greetings when she took his order, but she managed to smile every time he said 'thank you.'
A flurry of activity near the front of the cafe shook him from his reverie and he caught sight of Julie handing her apron to another young woman before shrugging on her coat. He hastily stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray and reached for his wallet. He threw a hundred dollar bill down on the table, gathered his coat out of the seat, and headed to the door.
A rush of frigid night air greeted him as he flung the door open and he shivered, pausing in frustration to pull his jacket and scarf on. He had no idea what had possessed him to follow her, but he knew the attraction was intense. Every second he'd spent watching her had been a second spent wanting to know her.
He glanced around, intently searching the streets for her. The city was busy for a Tuesday night, and he was sure he'd lost her in the darkened rush. He'd all but given up when he saw a figure step into the glow of the street light at the end of the street. He recognized her tiny frame, bundled in a thick coat, her long hair whipping wildly behind her. He barely had time to tell his feet to move before he was off after her.
She turned around suddenly when she heard the thumping of his feet behind her, her eyes wide with fear until she recognized his face. She stared at him for a moment before turning back, tugging her coat tighter around her as she walked.
"Hey...I'm sorry I scared you," he apologized, increasing his pace to walk in-step with her. "I didn't mean to."
"Don't worry about it," she dismissed with a wave of her hand.
"So..where ya headed," he asked, desperate to start a conversation with this woman who had held him so enthralled. The thought of why she was walking alone so late at night never registered in his mind.
"Home," she said simply. He nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets as a gust of frosty wind rushed around them.
"Kinda cold isn't it?" he chuckled, in a attempt to lighten the mood and get her to open up a bit.
"What are you doing?" she stopped suddenly, her cold eyes boring into his. "What do you want from me?"
"What do you mean?" he shrugged, feigning innocence.
"This.." she gesticulated around her. "You stayed in the cafe my entire shift *watching* me." He cringed as he realized he'd been caught. "And now you run me down in the street, trying to start some insipid conversation. I don't get it."
"Look, I'm not some psycho or something," he assured. "I'm.."
"I know who you are," she cut him off, her eyes leaving his as she turned to continue walking. Zac stared after her, dumbfounded for a moment, until she turned into what appeared to be an alley. The realization of her walking alone and vulnerable finally hit him and he raced to catch up with her.
"Julie...Wait..."
--
"Thanks for walking with me," Julie amended as she slipped a key into her mailbox on the ground floor of her apartment building. She gathered the few envelopes, tucking them under her arm as she closed and locked the box.
"S'ok," Zac shrugged, following her to the staircase which led up to her fourth floor apartment. "I didn't mind."
She paused at the foot of the stairs and turned to look at him. "And I'm sorry for being so rude earlier. I've just had a long day and..."
"Don't mention it," he shushed her with a smile.
"Well," she said, breaking the awkward silence that had enveloped them. "I guess this is where I get off. Thanks again for.."
"I can walk you the rest of the way, if you want," he said, inwardly cursing himself for sounding so eager.
"I think I'll be okay," she smiled, a wide, sparkling smile that made his breath catch in his throat. "I think it's safe."
He blushed, but grinned anyway. "Come on. You never know what might be lurking around some darkened stairwell," his voice took on a creepy tone, but Julie laughed.
"Okay, if you insist," she smiled and when he gallantly offered his arm, she took it without any hesitation.
"This is it," she said, slowing slipping her arm from his as they came to stand in front of a tattered brown door with the numbers 318 imprinted on it in tarnished brass. Zac nodded, but made no attempt to remove himself from her presence. His eyes remained fixed on her, leaving Julie to squirm under his intense glare. "You should probably go," she stuttered, moving to find the correct key and push it in the lock. "I mean you probably have tons of stuff to be doing and..."
"Nope," he said confidently. Julie pushed the door open a bit and turned back to find him peering hopefully at her from behind the thick strands of hair that had fallen back around his face. "Can I come in?"
Julie met his gaze, trying to suppress the smile that was tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Yeah."
--
"Just make yourself at home," Julie called as she slung her keys on an end table and made her way into the kitchen.
Zac stepped cautiously into the dark apartment, shutting the door behind him with a click. Julie flipped a switch in the kitchen, bathing the room in a dull, yellow light. His eyes immediately began to rove the room, taking in his surroundings. He was ashamed to admit that he was quite surprised at the extent of the furnishings. From the looks of the building and from the first impression he'd gotten of Julie, he hadn't expected much. Though the one-room apartment was small, it housed a bed, love seat, a few chairs as well as a small dining table. He couldn't thoroughly examine all the tiny details of everything due to the absence of good light, but he could tell that the apartment was well taken care of and that Julie had probably done her best with what she could afford.
"You want something to drink?" she called again and he turned, seeing her figure bathed in the light of the open refrigerator. She'd pulled off her coat and shoes, leaving her in the short dress she used as her work uniform. "Beer?"
"Sure," he called back as he began perusing the assortment of picture frames and ornaments that adorned the tables on either side of the TV. He picked up a thick wooden frame housing a picture of Julie at the beach. He smiled as he studied the face in the picture; she looked young and vibrant and full of life. Her hair shone golden in the light of the sun and her blue eyes sparkled like the ocean behind her. His smile disappeared as he carefully placed the picture back on the table, wondering for the millionth time that day what could've happened in her life that took away that shine and sparkle. His eyes drifted briefly over the other pictures, only stopping when his gaze came to rest on a picture of a little boy. He picked up the silver frame, tracing his fingertips lightly over the boy's features. "Who's this?" he asked when he felt her standing beside him. She handed him a beer and he replaced the photo on the table.
"Jeremy," she said simply, moving to stretch out on one end of the love seat.
"Who's Jeremy?" Zac asked, though he had a pretty good idea. He sat beside her, careful not to get too close on the small sofa.
"My son," she said around a swallow of her drink and he nodded. She elaborated before he had a chance to question her further. "He's with my sister. She takes care of him when I have to work late."
Zac nodded again, taking a long swig of his drink and settling deeper into the couch. His desire to know everything about the intriguing young woman sitting beside him was still swirling fiercely through his veins, but he resigned to let it die down a bit and savor the sense of peace of she was making him feel. He took another long swallow and cringed when he noticed half the bottle gone. He was already feeling uninhibited enough without the effects of alcohol. There was something about Julie that made him want to tell her everything about himself: all his thoughts, his hopes, his fears. Maybe it was because he wanted the same thing in return. Maybe it was because she had more important things to worry about than the fact that she had a rock star in her living room.
He let them sit in peaceful silence for a few minutes until his wandering gaze fell onto the picture of Jeremy. He was a cute kid; looked to be about 3 or so in the photo. He wished he could say that Julie looked far to young to have a kid that old, but she didn't. Jeremy shared his mom's blue eyes and blond hair, but his features didn't match hers. Zac figured he must look like his father. Speaking of... "Where's his dad?" Zac cringed as he realized his voice sounded loud and harsh in the stillness of the room. He turned to look at Julie to gauge her reaction. There wasn't one.
"I don't know," she turned her eyes to his, relaying nothing but a cold reality. He searched her eyes for sorrow or remorse, but found nothing; nothing but the tired gaze of a young mother who worked herself ragged for her son.
Zac couldn't keep himself from drowning in her eyes and so he wasn't surprised when he found his lips descending on hers, gathering them in a kiss that had been the whole day in the making. She tasted sweet and warm, exactly as he had imagined. He couldn't control the pace of his heart or his breath as he felt her responding, her lips separating to fully take him in. The kiss was short, but potent, assuring Zac that he'd leave her apartment a changed man.
--
Zac took a long drag off his cigarette, exhaling the smoke skyward as he lay on his back staring at the ceiling. He'd decided that the badly stuccoed tiles made for perfect mindless entertainment; he could stare at them and see nothing and see everything. The morning was peaceful for a change, and he sighed, his gaze drifting to the still sleeping form of the young woman lying in bed beside him. He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray on the floor and turned to her, marveling in how peaceful and beautiful she looked. Her features eased as she slept and the tiny lines and wrinkles smoothed themselves out. Her eyelids flickered and he smiled, wondering what dreams were gracing her slumber. He let his eyes wash over her, memories of the way her body felt beneath his swirling through his mind. His skin was still tingling from her touch, his lips still burned from her kisses. He'd never spent the night with someone he'd just met, he usually left that up to his older brothers, but something about the way Julie had kissed him made him want to hold onto her and never let go.
A faint vibrating hum tore him from his reverie and he perked his ears, recognizing it as the annoying tone of his cell phone. He slid carefully to the edge of the bed, finding his phone in the back pocket of his discarded jeans. He knew it was probably Isaac or Taylor, or both, and he really didn't feel like hearing their bitching, especially after the night he'd just spent with Julie. He felt on top of the world and he wanted to stay there as long as he could, so when Taylor's angry voice resounded on the other end, he merely closed his eyes and half-listened to his droning. Zac knew they had nothing scheduled for the day, so when Taylor's tirade was done, he threw the phone back on the floor and crawled back into bed. He placed a kiss on Julie's shoulder, and closed his eyes, contentedly drifting off to sleep again.
The next time he opened them, he found himself face to face with Julie. He smiled, and rubbed the sleep from his eyes before draping an arm around her and drawing her into a good-morning kiss. She tucked his hair behind his ears, her fingertips lingering on his warm cheeks. "Hmm," she sighed as she pulled away. "What time is it?"
Zac checked his wristwatch. "8:34," he said. "You have to get to work?"
"No," she nodded, slinking further beneath the sheets. "Not until later. But I do have to go get Jeremy."
"Tell me about him," Zac smiled, snuggling closer to her.
"Really?" He almost laughed at the surprise in her voice.
"Really," he assured with a kiss, grinning when her entire face lit up with a smile as she began to speak about her son.
"Jeremy is my life. He's the reason I get up every morning. He's the only reason I ever do anything. He's all I have," she paused, but continued when the look on Zac's face didn't register as boredom. "He just turned three a few weeks ago. He goes to preschool a few days a week, but mostly stays with my sister while I'm working. He's so smart and he loves to draw." Zac grinned, thinking of his own fondness for the activity. "Times are tough, but we stick together and do the best we can."
"What about his dad?" Zac cringed again as the question flew from his mouth of it's own volition. He felt like kicking himself for bringing it up again. It was obviously a sore subject and he had no idea why he couldn't just let it go.
"His dad was never really in the picture," Julie said, a trace of sadness entering her voice as her eyes lowered. "He had everything I thought I wanted in life. We were together just once. I'd consider it the biggest mistake I've ever made if it weren't for Jeremy."
"Has he ever seen him?"
"No," Julie said, her eyes meeting his again. "I never told him. Never had a chance to. He was only in town for a few days and I had no way of getting in touch with him after he left."
"So, you haven't seen him since?"
"No," she said, averting her eyes from his so he couldn't see the deception behind her eyes. It was as close to the truth as he'd ever need to know. He'd leave and she'd never see him again either, so it really wouldn't matter.
"What's his name?" Zac pressed, even as Julie wrapped the top sheet around her and slid from the bed, a visual signal that their conversation was over.
"Who?" she feigned innocence as she dropped the sheet and shrugged on a long t-shirt.
"You know who.." She turned to see him lying on his side, the bedspread haphazardly covering his nakedness, a pleading look in his eyes.
"Why does it matter so much to you, Zac?" She shook her head, not comprehending his motivation, but somehow afraid of the direction it was leading. "You don't know me. I don't know you. Why does it matter?"
"Because you talk in your sleep," he said simply and the look in his eyes told her she was caught. He knew. She didn't know how, but he did.
"You don't what you're talking about," she threw over her shoulder as she spun to go into the kitchen.
He jumped from the bed when the realization hit him that she had practically confessed to what had just been running as pure speculation through his mind. He hurriedly pulled on his jeans, nearly tumbling to the floor as he struggled to get them up. He cornered her in the kitchen where he found her reaching for the phone. "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, his voice a little harsher and louder than he'd really intended for it to be. He wasn't really angry, just confused.
"Tell you what, Zac?" He could tell she was trying to head him off and pretend like she didn't know what he was talking about, though the scared look in her wide eyes told him she knew exactly what he was getting at.
"Jeremy," his eyes bore intently into hers, forcing them to stay trained with his.
"I don't know what..."
"He's Taylor's, isn't he?" The statement hung in the air, silencing even their breathing. Julie's face held no emotion, no reaction that Zac was expecting.
"You're delusional," she pushed past him, trying to keep her voice strong, even though her mind was spinning with fear.
"No, I'm not," he said sensibly, realization working to calm his racing blood. "That's why I couldn't keep from watching you in the cafe; I knew you looked familiar." She kept nodding her head, trying to discourage him, but she knew it was pointless. "That's why," he crossed the room and picked up the picture of Jeremy, tracing his fingers lovingly over the glass. "the entire time I've been here, I've been unable to keep my eyes off of this little boy." He paused, swallowing around the lump that had formed in his throat. "He looks just like him."
A heavy silence hung in the room as the full force of what had just taken place hit both it's occupants. Zac's eyes were trained on the picture of Jeremy, tracing the features of the little boy he'd just discovered his brother had fathered. It seemed incomprehensible; Taylor was a father. A father. And he had a nephew, a beautiful nephew he'd never even seen. He only removed his eyes from Jeremy's picture when he heard a key click in the doorknob and the hinges squeak as the door slowly opened.
His breath caught in his throat when a little blond-haired boy bounded into the room, running to circle his short arms around his mother's legs.
"Jul, I'm sorry, but I got called in and..." The young woman who'd unlocked the door stopped short in her tracks when her eyes fell on Zac. He quickly turned around, zipping and buttoning his jeans, before grabbing his t-shirt from the floor at the foot of the bed and hastily tugging it on.
"Who's that? Why are you crying? Julie, are you okay?" he couldn't help but overhear the conversation taking place behind him. He assumed the other woman to be Julie's sister because she'd apparently been watching Jeremy.
"I'm fine," she whispered. "Thanks for bringing him over. I'll tell you everything later, I promise." Her sister must've accepted her reasoning, for he heard the hinges creak again as the door open and shut.
"Wanna watch TV.." He turned at the sound of a sweet, high-pitched voice and laid his eyes on his nephew for the first time. His hair was blonder, his eyes bluer, and his face more like that of his dad's than the photograph ever hoped to capture. He found himself speechless as he watched the little boy sit cross-legged in front of the TV as his mom flicked the remote to the right channel. He smiled as Jeremy's eyes lit up as he watched the animations on the screen. Then his eyes drifted to Julie. She was sitting on the arm of the love seat, her tear-stained face focused on her son.
"Julie.." Her eyes raised to meet his and a sudden pang of affection and loyalty shot through him. She suddenly became the woman he'd made love to the night before, not just the woman who'd kept his brother's son a secret. He couldn't keep his feet from moving and he gathered her in his arms, Julie burying her face in the crook of his neck as her hot tears began to soak his shirt.
--
"More coffee?" Zac asked, a smirk curling his lips as he realized the irony of the situation. Less than 24 hours ago, he was sitting in a cramped booth of a random cafe having coffee, and now here he was in the kitchen of a practical stranger, pouring coffee for himself and the woman who'd single-handedly turned his life upside down.
"Thanks," she nodded. Zac refilled her cup and his own before reclaiming his seat across from her at the table. Jeremy was still in front of the TV, though he'd rounded up his supply of trucks to occupy him during the commercials.
"I still can't get over him," Zac shook his head in wonder as he watched Jeremy. "He's so beautiful."
"Thank you," Julie said, blowing across the surface of her coffee before taking a tentative sip.
"How come you never told anybody?"
"Who was I gonna tell?" she shrugged. "No one would've believed me anyway."
"You didn't even try to get in touch with Tay?"
"I had no idea I was even pregnant until you guys were long gone. I had no way in the world to get in touch with him," she said. "He probably wouldn't have remembered me anyway."
"I remembered you," he whispered.
"Yeah," she smiled and took his hand across the table. "You did."
"So, what now?" he asked, absently intertwining his fingers with hers. "You gonna tell him?"
"I don't know..."
"He deserves to know, Julie. Everyone deserves to know," he glanced to Jeremy. "He has a whole family he's never even met."
"I know, but...Taylor and I don't even know each other," she said. "How am I supposed to just walk up to him and tell him we have a son? How am I supposed to change his life like that? He's so young and.."
"So are you," he reminded with a smile. "Look, I know Tay's a pretty reckless kinda guy, but he at least deserves a chance, dontcha think?" he pressed on when he saw a look of consideration creep onto her face. "And Jeremy..."
"I know," she whispered. "I wanna do what's best for him."
"So, tell Taylor," he advised, squeezing her hands in both of his. "And if it's any consolation, I'll be right beside you the whole time."
"Really?" His heart skipped a beat with the look of adoration that graced her features.
"Yeah," he met her lips across the table for a reassuring kiss. "Really."
--
Julie sat gingerly on the edge of her love seat, anxiously tapping her toes against the worn shag carpeting. She swallowed in an attempt to quell the nausea that had arisen the second Zac had punched Taylor's number into his cell phone. He'd supplied Tay with directions to her apartment and convinced him to come under the guise that he had met someone special he wanted his brother to meet.
The instant Julie had introduced Jeremy to his Uncle Zac, Zac had been in love. Jeremy had taken an instant liking to his new found uncle, as evidenced by the laughter and squeals of delight that resounded through the room as he and Zac play-wrestled in front of the TV. Julie had to smile as she watched Zac with her son. He was such a natural with him and they'd formed an instant bond. She only hoped that, in time, Jeremy and Taylor might possibly share the same connection.
"Want juice.." a breathless Jeremy collapsed into his mother's lap. Julie ruffled his hair before getting up and getting his cup out of the refrigerator. He took it eagerly and flopped back down in front of the TV to rest for a moment. Zac pulled himself off the floor and met Julie halfway as she was leaving the kitchen.
"You want some juice, too?" she teased and he pulled her into his arms, planting a sweet kiss on her lips.
"Nope," he grinned against her lips. "I just want you." She met her surprised eyes with his, slightly taken aback by his admission. She searched his eyes for signs of insincerity or pity, but all she found was an endearing adoration that pulled at her heart strings and made her wonder how she could be so blessed. She smiled and let him gather her in a tight embrace. He pulled away and cupped her face protectively in his hands. "No matter what happens, I'll always..."
His sentiment was interrupted by an unsure knocking at the door. Julie's face froze over with fear and Zac placed a quick comforting kiss on her lips. "I'll take Jeremy in the bathroom for a second. You get the door."
She nodded, swallowing around the lump that had formed in her throat. She barely heard Zac speaking to Jeremy, barely noticed him taking him in his arms and leaving the room. Her head was filled with the deafening thumping of Taylor's knuckles on the wood of her door. She had to force her feet to move, but all too soon, she found herself face to face with the door and she slung it open before she time to change her mind.
"Julie?" he recognized her instantly and she felt a tiny bit of relief course through her veins. His countenance nearly knocked her over; he was as beautiful and charming as she'd remembered. She felt self-conscious in his presence; suddenly the worn jeans and t-shirt she'd donned paled in comparison to the beauty he possessed.
"Hi, Taylor.." She said, noting his perpetually creased brow and confused expression. "Come in.." He looked at her strangely for a moment but slipped past her into the tiny apartment.
"Zac called and said.." He looked out of place standing in the center of her apartment; he was too tall and thin, too lofty and significant. "Where is he?"
"He's in the bathroom wi... um..." she almost spilled her secret and a sudden wave of anxiety and fear gripped her and she felt an overwhelming need to rush to Zac. "I'll get him.."
"What's this all about..." he trailed off as his brother emerged, a tiny, pudgy hand gripped solidly in his own. Taylor's gaze darted between Zac and Julie, confusion muddling his features. Zac stared steadily back; Julie's face registered bewilderment and fear. He had opened his mouth to demand answers when his gaze finally dropped to the little boy standing innocently beside Zac, the little boy who was biting his lower lip and clutching Zac's fingers for all he was worth; the little boy with wide blue eyes and thin blond hair, the little boy who looked strangely like...him?
Thoughts rushed a mile a minute through his brain, trying to convince his eyes that they were being deceived. He tilted his head slightly, trying to discern that what he was trying to tell himself was impossible. Memories spilled forth of their in own volition; memories of a sweaty night in the back-seat of a car in the parking lot of the Lakewood Amphitheater, memories of a silver-plated picture frame that sat on his mother's mantle housing an old photo of a little boy who had the same face as the child standing before him.
"This can't be.." he breathed, unable to force his mind to comprehend what was so obviously true. The mere thought was so utterly, incomprehensibly impossible, but..this little boy.
"Tay.." Zac's deep voice broke into his reverie and he raised his eyes. "This is Jeremy."
to be continued...
"Coffee, black," Eighteen year old Zac Hanson mumbled to the waitress who'd appeared to take his order. He sat alone, hunched over in a booth of the small cafe, huddled into the thick jacket and scarf that kept the frosty Chicago air at bay. His hair hung in long, stringy strands in front of his face, shielding
his features from the glances of any would-be fans.