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Now for the Questions & Answers!!!
 

Q: hello my name is tonya and i am thinking
that my boyfriend of 4 months is mooching 
off of me. when i met him he told me he 
was having financial problems i have 
helped him a lot after the 1st month he 
told me his job has put him on 
administrative leave. i continued to help 
him when needed. now something new has 
occured. his job has terminated him. 
anyway he continues to ask me for money. 
he always wants to go places and do 
things but i alway end up paying. 
he say he wants to start his own 
business. he asked me today to pay his 
internet bill, cell phone, and cable bill. 
i ask him i think your using me he say 
no i am not when i get on my feet you 
will get everything back. 
please help me to figure this man out

A: Tonya, lets give him the benefit
of the doubt, and say he did actually
have a job before you met him and that
he did in fact go on adminstrative leave
and not have lied about the whole thing
because he had no job to begin with.
I'm sure he does want to start a business
and all of those wonderful "dreamy" things
its quite possible that it will happen
but it doesn't seem to be happening any
time soon. What I would suggest is to 
try to help him get a job. Tell him
your not going to support him and you will
help him in the job search, because it
seems to me that he is taking advantage
of your kindness. Since it has been 
going on for so long. 


Q: I have been in a relationship for 
7 years and we had an argument the end 
of October and I haven't seen or heard 
from him since. In the past, every time 
something went wrong he wouldn't call 
and I would always give in. This time 
I refuse to do so but I miss him like 
crazy. I don't think he is seeing 
anyone else but how could he just not 
get in contact with me at all, after 
all this time. I really am at a loss 
about this and am having a lot of 
difficulty in dealing with it but I am 
very fearful that if I try to contact 
him the rejection I feel may be worse.
Any advice you can offer would be 
greatly appreciated. I have never dealt 
with anything like this before.  
I was married for 24 years and left 
my husband and still didn't feel this bad.

A: Well, you did say that he didn't 
contact you in the past when things went
wrong and he isn't now, so nothing 
has changed. Apparently, he thinks you
will call him and try to fix things
or accepts things as they are or
doesn't seem to care as much as you do. 
You will never know unless you 
ask or call, or you can leave things 
as they are. There are alot of 
possiblities we could guess all day
but its a decision you need to make.

Q: Why do I always think my Guy is 
gonna leave me?? And he's there but 
it's a feeling I have toward's 
everyone I been with.. Think they 
get sick of me. Then It make's me 
mean to them. 

A: It seems like your dealing with
abandonment issues from your past.
If people in your life have left you
or threatened to leave you in the past
it could be a reoccuring fear. 
Which can also bring out anger towards
that person. It's something you might 
need to work out in therapy yourself. 

Q: Dear Bittergurl,
I have been going out with this one guy mostly 
6 months but it has been off and on again. 
He loves me I know he really loves me but I 
dont think I love him anymore. I know I 
should break up with him but every time I 
try to I cant. I dont want him to get hurt 
I know he would do something bad and I dont 
want to. Do Bittergurl how can I break up 
with my boyfriend in a nice way so he 
doesnt get hurt out of it please help me asap.
signing off as babygirl 

A: There really is "no" nice way to breakup
with someone. So here are a few tips to help
maybe "ease" the way.. if you would like to
remain friends you can tell him that you want
to be friends and that its not working out 
for "whatever reason" you can fill in the blanks,
and/or it wasn't meant to be. But, before you 
do tell him anything make sure it is what you 
truly want. When you say he might do 
"something bad" you can't control what someone
will or won't do, you can never tell. 
Predicting is a guessing game.

Q: Dear Bitter, 
I need your help cause my question is about 
this guy that I used to know for about 
10 and half years even though we used to 
date since the third grade and everybody in 
my family think that I love the guy even 
though I dont love him cause he bastered 
child I think anyway every night when I 
go to bed I can't sleep cause he's always 
in my dream I want to hit my head on 
something by I can't so anyway even 
though I feel gulity for moving by not 
telling him really hurt and when everybody 
karma I get the crips so plz bittergurl 
help me asap

A: It's up to you whether or not you like/love
this guy. If your dreaming about him there
must be something you feel for him since he
is constantly in your mind and you wouldn't
feel guilty about moving if you didn't care
for him. You need to follow whats in your
heart.

Q: Me and my girlfriend went out on a date 
and it turned out to be the date from hell. 
How can I make it up to her?

A: Tell her your sorry for what happened,
and ask her if she would want to try going
out again, or ask her how you can make it
up to her.


Q: Does the guy I like, like me?

A: This question is pretty impossible for
me to answer, why? because I am not a 
mind-reader and I do not know this guy.
Are you friends with him, have you talked
to him? Have you asked him out? It's just
something you will know for yourself.
 

Q: Dear Bittergurl,
I've been with this guy for 5 years. We have broken 
up twice before because we're in a 
'long distance' relationship, and it just got 
hard on us. 
We never stopped loving each other, and are 
now together again, finally in position to no 
longer be in a 'long distance' relationship and 
live together. Well, now that we are finally at 
that point, he tells me that he is going to 
extremely busy until set point in time, and 
very distant, and for me to not be upset.
I jokingly told him that i need his attention, 
and he replies by telling me that he feels 
smothered and needs space. I rarely bother him, 
and when we do talk, it's b/c i have asked him 
to call ONLY if he isnt busy and if he wants to. 
I dont understand how this constitutes to 
smothering. He has always been the first to say 
i love you, and does show that he cares MORE 
than I have, and has even asked me to marry him. 
I dont understand whats wrong, or if i've even 
done anything wrong. I've talked to him once 
after that, about 2 days after, 
and apologized (although i dont feel i 
did anything), 
and he said that it was okay and wanted to 
know how i was, but of course i was very 
nonchalant and made it seem like I was too 
busy to talk to him. I even went as far as to 
say bye and hang up just as he was about to 
say something to me. i couldnt help it, 
I was just that upset. It's been two weeks now, 
and i havent talked to him. Ive tried calling, 
but i dont get an answer. I feel like hes 
being unfair in telling me he loves me and all, 
and then suddenly turning his back like this. 
I dont know whats going on and im really hurt. 
what do you think? Thanks, Brooke.

A: You said your no longer in a long distance
relationship anymore, so you are together.
Why is he going to be extremely busy until
set point and time? To me it seems like an
excuse or a cover-up, because if you were in
a long distance relationship before and are
now together if you truly loved eachother
you would want to be with that person now
as much as you can. You said he even asked
you to marry him? Was that in the past, 
since you said you were with him years ago
and broke up.. cause if it was recently, 
it would seem even more odd. From what
you told me you have done and been doing
is NOT smothering. He's using that as an
excuse, there must be something he isn't
telling you. Maybe he's afraid to hurt you
so he's putting it off. Just some things
to think about. He is being unfair.
I don't know the answer, he does. 
This is my view. When you do talk to him
you should bring all this up and maybe
you can get him to shed some light on
the situation.


Q: Hey, I like this guy, hes popualar and I'm far 
from it. He tells my friends and his friends that 
he doesnt like me, but I think deep down he does. 
He always asks how I'm doing. 
I still love him alot. He broke up with me 
almost eight months ago. He knows that I 
still like him, but doesnt say anything. 
I already have a boyfriend, but he lives three 
hundred and something miles away so what 
do you think io should do about him? Back to my ex. 
He always looks at me, but never talks to me. 
Do you think should I call him? 
let me know. -Deanna

A: Deanna, there are some things you need to think
about.. Why did he break up with you in the first
place? If your not happy with your current long-
distance relationship you need to deal with that
anyway, whether or not you go back with your ex.
The only way you will really know is if you talk
to him, himself not through his friends or your
friends or anyone. Call him, tell him how you
feel but be prepared if he isn't interested in 
you.


Q: Who said, 
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."?
Thank you, Karla

A: Hi Karla,
Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred 
turn'd, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd. 
(Hell hath no Fury like a Woman scorned.) 	
was written by William Congreve, 
1967 - "The Mourning Bride".


Q: Hello bittergurl~
I'm writing because I am frustrated. 
I've been friends with this guy for 
about a year now. This whole time I 
thought we were just friends but 
somehow deep inside I started to like 
him and he liked me too but never 
said anything. I finally decided to 
tell him earlier this year that I liked 
him and he finally admitted his feelings 
for me. This whole time we still hang 
out together, and talk on the phone all 
the time, we have already kissed we 
really care about each other but I said 
I wasn't ready for a relationship or 
commitment. He then started to say how 
all of the things we went through were 
pointless, at the time I didn't want a 
relationship. That was about a month ago, 
now I finally told him that i was ready 
to be with him, and he said he didn't know. 
I think the reason he doesn't know is 
because he started talking to some other 
girl, months ago, but he never sees her, 
he's always with me. I don't know if he's 
scared or he's confused. But I am tired 
of being in this situation, I am tired 
or talking I want something to get done, 
how should I tell him without having to 
pressure him to make a decision because 
I know that it is his decision to figure 
out who he wants to be with not mine. 

A: If you are with him often you should
talk to him about it. Maybe explain why
you weren't ready to get into a 
relationship in the past, open up about it.
Then he might feel more comfortable about
starting a relationship with you now.
He might be hesitant because he thought
you were ready before and you weren't
and doesn't want to be rejected, from what
you said it seems to me that is what he
felt. You might want to go slowly. If 
you can't tell him everything in person
write him a letter, if he is interested
in someone else it might be too late.


Q: Hello First question is I kind of 
had a run in with two separate guys and 
I was going out with another guy. and 
now he broke up with me because what a 
lot of people told him I had said and it 
wasn't true, and if we dont get back 
together thats fine but all i want is to 
be friends again and if we can renew our 
relationship then its fine. But we started 
out as best friends and after we broke up 
we don't talk or even look at each other. 
I really think thats he's the one and i 
love him with all my heart. i called him 
and aplologized crying the whole time and 
he still doesn't believe me. I know what 
I did was a bad mistake but i had my 
reasons and he hasn't even asked me what 
my side of the story is. well if you can 
help me than it would be great.

A: If he won't listen to you or hear 
your story his mind seems to be made up.
Since you still want to be with him, 
you might want to write him a letter 
since the phone call didn't seem to work.
Explain your side of the story and tell 
him you would like to at least be
friends, hopefully he will respond.
If not, you really don't have a choice.


Q: I was with this girl for 3 years 
and we broke up almost a year ago 
and im still hooked on her. 
what can I do to get over it? 

A: First of all, you need to accept
the fact that its over! It's almost
a year. You need to move on, occupy 
your mind and get out more. Maybe
you'll meet someone new. Don't 
cling to the past.


Q: My girlfriend and I have been 
together for a year and a half. 
I love her with all of my heart and 
lately she has been kind of distant. 
I have not done anything that I know of, 
I mean I come home from work with roses 
almost everyday and cards just to say 
I love you. This is common for me I feel 
like a girl deserves to be treated very 
well. If she wants something I`m there 
for her from clothes to a shoulder to cry 
on. In the past I've heard her girlfriends 
tell her that they wish they could find 
a guy like me..."smart,cute,funny, and 
very respectfull" I just do not have a 
clue as to what the hell else I can do. 
I`ve even tried changing my mr.nice guy 
approach and to no avail. I fall right 
into the category of being "WHIPPED" I 
would do anything for and she knows it 
i`m just so confused, so I came to you 
I hope you can help. 
sincerely, 
wjt 

A: I think its nice that you buy your
girlfriend all of those things, but maybe
she wants something more? Have you asked
her what was wrong.. have you talked to
her? Maybe she just wants to "Talk".
There's alot more to a relationship than
"things". One of them is communication.
Try talking to her open up and have a 
sit down. That should help.


Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE IN A 
RELTIONSHIP AND YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEMS 
ALOT AND THE TWO PEOPLE REALLY DO LOVE 
EACHOTHER? 

A: Talk about the problems with that
person and try to resolve them together.
If you love eachother try to work it out.


Q: Hi. I'm not the time to rush 
into things. But my best friend hooked 
me up with this guy and a couple months 
later he asked me to move in with him. 
I did and found out shortly that 
I'm pregnant. Now after a couple weeks 
of my pregnancy sinking in he wants me 
to move out. He's a REALLY REALLY great 
and says it's just because we argue to 
much but I dont know what to think? 
He wants to stay together, but I'm so 
confused. Please help. 
~April 

A: April, this guy doesn't know what he
wants! And if he told you to move out 
while your pregnant with his baby he's 
a jerk!!!! Talk to him ask him what he
wants if you want to stay with him 
because it seems he doesn't have a clue.
If he wants to stay together he wouldn't
ask you to move out. You need to make
some important decisions when you get
his answers. Arguements can be worked
out..you are having a baby together.
He needs to realize what that means!


Q: Hi, my name is candis and I have 
this enormous crush on this guy. I 
think he knows that I do have the 
crush and it's become more clear now 
that he is like the perfect guy for me, 
only there's problem. He is "out of my 
reach," anyway, I think about him 
constantly and when I see him in school, 
I get all tense and weird on him. 
Today, he waved at me, and I couldn't even 
breath. My question is, Is this an 
obsession rather than Love and How can I 
tell this dude that I like him w/out 
really saying it? (I'm such a punk!!) 
but it would really help me if you 
could tell me. OH yeah, if this turns out 
to be an obsession, what should I do about it? 

A: Hi Candis, it seems you really like
this guy. Is it love? You could be in love
with his appearance..but true love? No, you
don't know him. Write him a letter give it 
to him or have a friend do it. Start up
a conversation and go from there. You can
do it!


Q: Hi. My name is Steve and I have 
a question regarding men's hairstyles.  
I am balding and decided four years 
ago to shave my head completely bald 
for a cleaner look. I received a lot 
of positive attention from women at 
the time. However over the last year 
or so i have noticed more men with 
longer hair and women paying less 
attention to bald-headed men. 
Are bald-headed men out and 
long-haired guys in?   

A: Steve, you must be hanging out in 
the wrong places! Many women like 
bald men..its a matter of preference.
Bald-headed men are masculine there
will always be women looking to go 
with a bald-headed man. Bald-heads 
never go out of style. Put yourself
in the right places and let them 
find you!


Q: Hey I dont know if you can help guys
but I have a problem I am with this girl 
and me and her have a hard time getting 
alone together and she says she wants to 
maybe just try it for another week or so.  
how should i take this

A: Of course I help guys too! I'm not 
quite sure what you mean by this, but if
you want to spend time alone ask her to
set some time aside where you two can
be together and stick to that time.


Q: Hey, I am 14 years old and recently 
broke up with a girlfriend. Things wont 
work out and everytime i talk or even 
think of her i get a longly, hurt, kind 
of sad feeling inside. How do i get 
over someone, i know it doesnt happen 
over night but how i can i get to just 
being friends and not having those bad 
feelings inside..Thank you 

A: It is always hard to control our
feelings when we break up with someone,
it all takes time..eventually you will
be ok with it. Try doing other things
to keep your mind off of your hurt. 
Try to realize that is the way things 
are and begin to accept it.


Q: I was going with this guy and he 
broke up w/me because he said he wasn't 
gonna have time for me and he had a lot 
of problems and he didn't want to take 
his anger out on me. We broke up and he 
wanted to get back with me the next day 
so we hooked back up, he said he was 
sorry for acting stupid and that he 
wanted to be w/ me. The following week 
he broke up w/me again because he said 
his problems were getting worse
(I think they"re excuses) Now he wants 
to get back with me! 
This boy doesn't have a clue what he 
wants to do? Please give me some advice.

A: You need to stop wasting your time.
He seems like he doesn't know what he 
wants and he can't keep you on the side
each time waiting. I suggest you move
on or have him make a decision.


Q: Hey Bitter-
I have a boyfriend and everything 
is great. Nothing is wrong between us, 
there is no problems, and we are really 
into eachother. Well, a while back, 
I met another guy, that was first 
interested in me and I found out, 
and was interested in him too. I haven't 
known him that long, but I feel attached 
to him already. I don't know what to do. 
Should I break up with my boyfriend or 
what?! I'm confused...I might have a 
better chance of seeing the other guy, 
but I'm not sure. Help!!
~confused~

A: Are you willing to give up everything
you have with your current boyfriend to
take a chance on something that might
and might not be? Why would you want to
ruin your current relationship if 
everything is good. Thats something to 
you need to think about. Are you happy 
in your current relationship? What are you
lacking, that this other guy is/can give
you. 


Q: How do I get my borfriend to propose
to me?  He says he feels the same way 
that I do. I just want a commetment.  
He says he is commited to me.  Please 
help! I feel like I'm waisting my time. 

A: Talk to him about marriage, see what
he has to say. Tell him you want to get
married.. give him some hints. Or you
could always ask him to marry you!


Q: I just started going out with this 
girl and i really like her alot. 
Her friends say that she likes me but 
she seemes to be holding something back. 
I wan't to show her all the love i have 
but i'm affraied that she doesn't like  
me as much as like her. My question is 
"Does she not like me or is she just  
shy and don't know how to express it? 

A: You are the only one who can answer 
that! I don't know her, you might want
to ask her or write her a letter asking
what she thinks of you. If her friends
say she likes you thats a good sign.
Show her you care for her then she might
open up more.


Q: Hi there, 
I have been a VERY bitter girl for 
several months. I have so much angry  
inside me now, because of my ex-boyfriend..
I could spit fire! I would like to  
pay him back..I don't want to physically 
hurt the little boy, but I'd like to  
hurt him..tear him to shreds emotionally..
I want him to feel what I'M feeling..
I want him to DEAL with this..
until I am able to move on..I WILL NOT  
move on without him feeling some pain! 
I need some advice on what to do to him..
I'd like to get him kicked out of college, 
because that's when this crap all started, 
but I don't know how, or where to start to 
get that on the ball, but I'm also up for 
just sheer torture..little reminders of what 
he did to me..I have his address..
I was thinkin' on sending him some things 
about cheaters, cause that's what he did..
he CHEATED on me, and now I'm the BAD one..
Yeah right! but he had a way to turn 
everything around to where I was on my knees 
begging him to forgive me! how pathetic, huh? 
If you plan to write me back, 
and tell me to move on, and let this all go..
and how time heals all wounds..then 
don't bother, but if you can help me pay 
this guy back..I'd owe you for life..
this would mean a lot..I'd feel much better 
about myself knowing I can cause some sorta 
pain on someone who's done this to me one too  
many times..Thanks..I hope you understand! ;) 
~Amanda 

A: Hi Amanda, your mind is pretty set on 
getting him back.. I liked the idea about
sending mail on cheaters! You could also
write him a letter and tell him what a
jerk he really is and thank him for not
wasting your time that could be put to
better use, with someone who is worth it.
Getting him kicked out of college would 
be hard to do. I honestly think the best
payback to someone like this is to not
let him see you hurting. Go on with 
your life like it didn't phase you and 
make sure he can see that. 
I'm sure many of us would like to pay
the cheaters back. I hope this helps..


Q: hello I need to ask you a question  
IM 28 and my fiance is 22 we have been 
together for 4 yrs almost and I love him
with all my heart mind and soul but we 
have problems IM too jealous and its 
destroying my relationship I feel like 
if I don't stop I will lose him he says 
he loves me alot and will never leave me  
when he is on the net he talks to girls 
and I get pissed cause he says things 
that I cant believe it really bothers me  
I hate being a jealous person and if I 
don't stop I will lose him and if I do 
I cant go on living without him he is my 
knight in shinning armor and I would die
for him he has such a great personality 
and girls love that and I feel like if 
I keep getting jealous he will leave 
cause he says he cant stand it how can 
I be a good person and stop getting 
jealous I would kill myself if he left
me in my heart I feels so happy but in 
my soul I feel miserable cause I gave 
him my heart and he is my best friend 
but I feel like IM not his best friend  
I was married for 6 yrs to a man that 
treated me like shit and hit me all the 
time he started to have an affair on me 
and I left him then I came back and I 
found him in our bed with another women  
could that be why IM so jealous my fiance
doesn't understand me and I wish he would
but I don't know what to do please help
me over come this rage of jealousy cause
it is destroying our relationship    
thank you Carla

A: Hi Carla, he is saying things to girls
on the net that you can't believe? Well
tell him about it! Tell him it bothers 
you and ask him to stop. This is a trust
issue.. if you were able to trust him you
would not be so jealous. It is very hard
to trust when you have been in hurtful
relationships, it takes time. You have 
been together for about 4 yrs, it seems
that you have not healed from your prior
relationships and you need to work on
those issues. You might want to try 
therapy which will help you work through 
those problems and trust issues. I can
understand your fear of losing him and
that is very realistic. That can happen.
Try to remember who you are with where
you are now..remind yourself you are not
in that hurtful relationship anymore.
Try not to get caught up in your emotions.
Maybe that will help.


Q: Hi Bittergurl, 
My boyfriend and I have broken up a 
few months ago. In the begining things 
were going great we would always talk 
about how much we cared about each 
other and how we meant to one another 
and things were begining to get real 
serious. Suddenly things were moving 
to fast for him and he couldnt handle 
being with me anymore and wanted us 
to be friends. It turns out that the 
reason why he didnt want to keep on 
seeing me was because he was really 
hurt by his previous girlfriend and 
was afraid that he would get hurt 
all over again. Since the time of 
our break up we kept in touch 
constanly. We talk to each other 
daily and I still have strong feelings 
for him and I know he still has 
feeling for me. Theres a huge problem 
though he is previously dating other 
people and even though we are just 
friends it really bothers me. 
Im not over him and I have never 
gotten a chance to move on.  
I know I have to but I just dont want
to lose him. What should I do? 
~Confused 

A: He is previously dating other people?
If you are saying he is dating others
now and not you because you are just 
friends, then he was just using the hurt
line as an excuse and you should leave
him behind! If thats not what you are 
saying, then you need to express your
feelings to him. Maybe that will change
his mind. But don't waste your time 
waiting forever if he doesn't change. 


Q: Hello Bittergurl, 
My Boyfriend (JJ) and I have been together
for about a year and 8 months! We are both
18, and about 2 weeks ago he broke up with
me because he said we are still young and 
he needs time to be with his friends and 
to have fun! He also told me how he loves 
me sooo much and he is only 18 and he is 
for SURE he is going to marry me.  
Well about a few days ago i found out that 
he is already talking to a new girl, 
Now what is that about? i am hurting BADD 
over the break up and he is already 
talking to someone new after only a couple 
days! What is that about? How does he know 
he isnt going to fall in love with her? 
Is he just feeding me lines to make me feel 
good about myself?? I have been going out 
with friends to try and keep my mind off 
him, but it doesnt work very well.  
Some how he always seems to get into my 
head. I dont know what do to!  
The other thing is that JJ's dad is telling 
my dad that JJ and I are going to get 
married! I am so confused because i want 
JJ NOW, not a few years from now..
I LOVE HIM NOW. HELP ME Please 
~Thank YOU~ Kristie

A: Hi Kristie,
It looks like JJ is keeping you on the
side in case things don't work out for him
in the future. Keeping you hanging. If he
really truly loves you he'd be with you!
It's a possibility that JJ's dad does not
know about the breakup. If he wanted and
planned on marrying you why would he want
to breakup with you?! Makes no sense.
If you still love him and want to be with 
him, talk to him tell him how you feel
tell him you don't want to wait! And you
don't think it's right what he is doing.
Cause it is wrong.


Q: Hey bittergirl. =) 
Well ok, i really like this guy ya know. 
And i know he likes me back but he just 
doesnt express his feelings too well 
ya know. Well anyways, we broke up and i
have been telling myself and others that
i am done with him and stuff but he 
called me. And he asked me out again 
this weekend. And i said that I will 
have to get back to him. I still really 
like him and stuff and WANT to go out 
with him but i dont want to hear it from
everyone. They will tell me dumb stuff. 
What do i DO? 

A: Do what you feel you want to do!
Forget about everyone else.. live your
life how you want to live it. If these
people are your friends they will 
respect your choices. Make it clear
that is what you want.


Q: should i ask a boy out or i wait for 
him to ask me?? 

A: Why not? I see no reason why you
can't ask him! 


Q: Currently I have been in a 
relationship for 7 years. 
He doesn't work. I work 12 hrs 
a day. How do I end the 
relationship without placing 
blame. Please help!! 

A: I am sure he will want to 
know your reasoning for leaving,
and by telling him he will feel
he is the blame because it is
around the work issue. The fact 
is it is his fault you are 
leaving. It will be hard to 
avoid the blaming issue. 
Express your feelings, 
that is all you can do. 


Q: how do you breakup with your 
boyfriend without hurting him?

A: I wish there was a way.. if he
cares about you, loves you and wants
to be with you, there really is no 
way to not hurt him by breaking up.
Explain your reasons for wanting to
breakup, tell him why. Thats about 
the nicest way of doing it.


Q: I've been going w/ this guy for 
like 2 months, he's bought me alot of  
stuff(new clothes, Dr. Martins etc...)
I'm really crushing on this guy i work  
w/(Cameron), how should i tell my "man"
that i don't want to be w/ him anymore? 
He always asks me.."Do you love me?" 
I say "yes"...but it's not that  
love anymore..Please Help me..
~Micaela 

A: Hi Micaela, if you don't want to be
with him anymore you need to tell him.
Write him a letter if you need to, or
just tell him how you feel. It's hard
to do. But if you don't feel the same
way you once did he needs to know.
Not being honest about your feelings
is unhealthy for you and him.



Q: hi it's me stacey again im 14 years
old and i really love my boyfriend 
sex keeps crossing my mind alot..
and id say the same for him..
i never did it before..
but it's just i cant wait any more..
it's tempting i only went to  
kissing nothing more...but i have a 
lotta stuff on my mind...like i really  
want a baby i know seems stupid but i
know i can take care of one..but im  
not gonna have one now..
but whats with all this stuff going 
around in my head 24/7 i cant sleep 
b/c i keep having these dreams 
everynight. your the first one i 
actully told this to..i dont wanna tell
my mom or dad b/c it's to embarassing 
for me even to talk to them about guys..
i hope you can help me out since i saw
you helped other girls and guys in there problems....thanks 
~SINCERELY STACEY 

A: Hi Stacey, I can see there is alot on
your mind..Don't jump into anything you
are not ready to do. Having sex and/or 
having a baby is not a good idea at this
time in your life whether you feel you can
take care of it or not. You are too young,
you have so much to do in your life before
you should even think of having a baby.
Hormones can make you feel confused. 
Don't let them ruin your life! 
Take control of your feelings don't resist
to temptation. Try to take your mind off
of these things and it should calm down.
If it feels like its too much you should
talk to your parents about it..even 
though it may be embarassing. Your 
parents are there for you, they love you.
I want to thank you for sharing and being
honest by speaking out, I know this is a
hard thing to talk about. 



Q: hi i've got a problem 
me and my friend had a fight with this 
boy and his mates so me and my friend don't
like them anymore. so but the past few days
i kinda fancied one of the boys in that 
group (i've went out with him b4)
I wanna ask him out but we r not friends 
anymore so i don't know if he has a crush 
on me but he always stres at me. 

A: Become friends with him again, 
start a conversation with him, spend some
time around him and then you could ask
him out if you still want to.



Q: Hey bitter gurl~i'm in 6th grade and
I've been in this relationship with this 
guy for 3 months now. I know that doesn't
seem like a long time but its a long time
for a 6th grader don't ya think? 
He's my first boyfriend and he is pretty 
special to me. I used to like this guy 
before I went out with my boyfriend but
I guess I realized we were never gonna be
more than just friends. I didn't really 
have actual feelings for my boyfriend 
before I went out with him. 
I just thought he was hot. 
Into our relationship he told me the 
way he felt about me. He always was so 
sweet and nice and that's what I love 
about him. I can't tell if I'm really 
in love or not. All of my friends 
always say I'm so lucky to have someone 
like him but I can't really see it. 
How do i know if I am in love? 
signed~confused~ 

A: I think it is a long time for a 
6th grader yes. There are no preset 
emotions or feelings that tell you,
you're in love. It's just a feeling 
that comes to you, each person feels 
love differently but when you are in 
love you will know it. It's usually 
unlike any other feeling you've 
had before.



Q: Hey Bitter! 
I was just curious on your opinion of love.
Especially when it comes to teens. 
Do you think that teens can feel love or
even make things work out for life? 
~ Kristen 

A: Hi Kristen! I believe people can feel
love at any age. Love does not discriminate.
Yes, some teens can make the relationships 
they have last for a lifetime.  



Q: I MET THIS GUY HE SEEMED REALLY NICE WE
GOT TOGETHER ONE NIGHT AT HIS HOUSE AND WE 
WERE DRIKING A LITTLE ONE THING LEAD TO 
ANOTHER AND WE HAD SEX. WELL THE NEXT DAY HE 
SENDS ME AN E-MAIL SAYING HOW WE LET OUR 
EMOTIONS OVER COME US AND HE WAS SORRY AND 
I WAS A BUETIFUL WOMEN BUT HE JUST WANTED 
TO BE FREINDS. HOW DOES ONE TAKE THAT I WASNT
LOOKING TO MARRY THE GUY BUT WE COULD 
HAVE TALKED SOME MORE RIGHT? PLEASE HELP 

A: It seems to me all he wanted was a good
time, nothing more he's not interested in 
a relationship. He wants to be friends,
if you want friendship, stay in touch.



Q: I really like my boyfriend he sent me
flowers today for valentines..and i knew him
for over 3 years adn the words i love you 
wanna come out but im afraid to say them....
and i do really love him......thanks 

A: Thats nice he sent you flowers! You will
say 'I love you' when you truly mean it.
If your afraid you may not be ready 
to say them. Your welcome.


Q: MY BOYFRIEND IS SOOO NICE HE SENT ME FLOWERS
IN STUFF 4 V-DAY AND HE'S BUYING ME A 2 WAY 
PAGER AND LAST NIGHT HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME HE
SAID I LOVE YOU AND I KNEW THIS IS THE MAN FOR
ME..SO I SAID IT BACK AND I WASN'T AFRAID...
AND YOUR ADVICE HELPED THANKS...

A: Thats great! I'm very happy for you!
I'm glad I could help. Your welcome! 



Q: Hey it's me (Becky) again, I took your 
advice and I wrote him a note! 
He hasn't wrote me back yet! 
Then I told my friend Jenni and she said
he won't write you back cause he's hot and
he wouldn't like you! Well today he came 
over and he wanted to talk to me so I went
to him and we talked a while but he didn't 
bring up anything about the note? 
Do you think he likes me or not?~*Thank You*~ 

A: Hi Becky, he does have some sort of 
interest in you since he came over. 
Don't listen to your friend she must like
him too. He may not say anything about it yet,
you can bring it up and see what happens.
Ask him to come over and talk some more.
I think he likes you. Your welcome!



Q: I have been dating the same man for 
almost six years. We had a long distant 
relationship for three years and then he moved
to my home town. I want to get married and he
does not want to. He tells me it is not us that
we are fine. It is everything else that is the problem, ie.. 
we don't own our house yet, our car is not paid
for etc. I told him that if I did not have a ring
I want out. Is this wrong to feel this way?
 
A: I don't think its wrong to want to move
ahead in your relationship, you have been 
together for quite sometime..have you asked him
what his long term plans were in your 
relationship? Not having your own house or a 
car has nothing to do with your feelings for
each other. Sure it would be nice to have those
things but they take time. He's just making
excuses. You have been commited to eachother
for years, I don't see the problem unless he 
has other intentions. Maybe you should ask him
to set a time frame that he will commit to.



Q: Hello my name is Becky I am 14 years old
and I really like this boy and I have been told
that he likes me alot to! And I really wanna 
find out if its true or not, but I kinda feel
stupid, because I might get rejected! I always 
catch him stareing at me! 
Do you think I should write him a note and
tell him how I feel about him? ~*Thanks alot*~ 

A: Hi Becky, the only way to find out is to ask!
Writing a note is one way to do it or start a
conversation. Rejection is a possiblity but 
there is no way of knowing unless you try.. 
its a chance you have to take. 
It could turn into something nice too.
Your welcome!



Q: I JUST ASKED MY BOYFRIEND OUT??? 
AND HE SAID YES I AM SOOOO EXCITED AND WERE 
GOING ICE SKATING LIKE WHAT DO I DO SINCE THIS
IS MY 2ND B/F? SHOULD I CALL HIM MY BOYFRIEND
IM KINDA KNEW AT THIS??? 
~GEN 

A: Thats great he said yes and plans on going
out with you. But I think its a little early
to say if he is or isn't. Since its your first
date.


Q: Hello, Ive been seeing this 24 year old guy
for about 2 weeks now, weve gone out 
quiet a few times, and last night a group 
of us went to a club, and we all got a little
out of hand with the drinking, 
So we all ended up staying over my  
friends house. We ended up sleeping with each 
other. Now i really do like him, but now im 
just afraid since i gave it up to soon hes only 
gonna want a sex relationship, and i dont 
want that and im not like that just to have sex  
with someone. Unless im in a relationship 
with them, so the next day he was fine, 
he was extremley cuddly, holding my hand 
kissing me etc. and the night before he 
was getting jealous that these guys at the club
were trying to get with me, 
and im assuming that he likes me cause 
of that. Now do you think that was a mistake 
of me to sleep with him right away? Should i 
bring this whole situation up, the next time 
im with him or is to soon to bring it anything up?  
Also he bumped into some girl that he knew at 
the club and she asked if he was seeing me,
and i over heard him say hmmm sorta. 
So how should i take that? Im 21 years old 
and ive been in a realtionship with this 1 guy
ever since i was 14 and just ended our 
relationship about 9 months ago, so i dont know  
anything about sex relationships or dating for
that matter. I just see myself extremley 
attracted to him and i like him alot, and 
sometimes i just wish it didnt happen this way,
cause im the type to get attached easy, 
and i just dont wanna get screwed over,
cause i see my friends go through it all the time.  
thanks for your time. ~Becca  

A: Hi Becca, I can't say how he feels about
your relationship the only real way is to ask
him. But from what he said to the girl in the
club, you aren't officially together. If you 
like him why don't you make it official thats
if you want to continue in the relationship.
Other than that it will be a sexual fling.
Speak your mind tell him what you want and see
if he wants the same things as you and go 
from there.



Q: My friend and i are very shy. 
He is worse than i am. I'm the one who asked  
him out first, it was scary. I dont know how 
guys have courage to do this all time.  
We've been out to breakfast, to movies and even
New Years Eve, all very friendly. I was planning
to kiss him on that night, but for one reason  
or another we weren't able to. 
I think he would have liked to, and i should  
have tried harder. I cant tell him how i feel
face to face, and he hasn't told me how he feels,
so i am going to write him a letter for Val. day.
I have been trying to come up with just right
letter for past couple of wks..i didn't realize 
i was ignoring him til last wk. 
He took time off from work, that's where we
see each other, and he didn't even tell me.
He always tells me when he's taking time off,
so he's problably upset at me.
I only put positive things in letter,
and the fact that no matter what, 
i still and always will care
for him(he can't handle a love letter).
How do you think he'll respond?	
I really like him, but we can't seem to get
in sync. I just need to let him know even if 
it might not turn out the way i want. 
A person coesn't change their feelings after
1 1/2 yrs of our at least being friends,  
can they?

A: I can't say how he'll respond because I don't 
know him. A person can have a change of feelings
at any time. But that doesn't mean this is the 
case. You have been friends for a long time.
Maybe he just wants to be friends.
Writing a letter telling him how you feel
is a good idea. Ask him to write you too and 
then you'll know how he feels, since you are 
both shy.



Q: hey i gotta little problem! 
i have been seeing this girl for a little while
now i like her a lot everything is perfect about
her she is everything that i have ever wanted in
a g/f. i have told her this many times b4 i have 
even told her that i love you she also said it 
n return but a few weeks ago she just said "oh ok"
when i told her that. 
i didnt think ne thing about it until the next
day i asked her about it and she said that
she doesnt want a serious relationship 
she just wants a dating relationship and maybe 
should see others then shw said she doesnt want
to date ne 1 else that we jsut need to slow down she
has been after me for along time and when we first
had sex she told me that she was so afriad that 
i would never talk to her again i am very much in
love w/ this person. i am will be leaving for
bootcamp in a few months and i think she doesnt
want to get hurt when i leave, she even told me
that she thinks i would never come back to see her!
i told her no matter where in the world i was 
i would come home to see her whenever i gotta
chance. i dont know if she is scared of being
comitted to me and then me leaving her or just
doesnt want to be w/ me. we r still together but
to me it seems like a friendship more than ne 
thing else we hardly kiss or hold hands or even 
call each other. the thing that really confusses
me is that she was after me so long and tired 
so hard to get together w/ me and now it is like
she doesnt want be w/ me anymore i have 
talked w/ some of my friends and they have told
me that she is propably afraid that she will never
see me agian when i leave and doesnt want to
get hurt. this girl means everything to me and
i dont want to lose her, so can you please help
me out? thank you for your time 

A: She is insecure about you leaving, and has
every right to be. You'll be in a long distance
relationship and maybe she isn't ready for that.
It is VERY hard being in a relationship with
someone you can't be with all the time.
I can tell how much you care and feel for her.
You should reassure her tell her why you are 
leaving, tell her what she means to you. Ask
her how she wants your relationship with her
to turn out and go from there.



Q: I like this girl alot. 
we are only just friends. 
how do I turn it in to more?
please help. thanx 

A: Ask her out, tell her how you feel.
Thats one way to start.



Q: Hi Bitter, I am 17 years old.
I'm going to be 18 in 2 months, and I have 
this boyfriend that I am absolutely crazy about!
We have been together for 5 months and we are
going strong. He is my best friend and can tell
him anything. I have always told myself that 
I wanted to wait to have sex until marriage, 
but I find myself wanting to share that intimate
act with him. I will wait until Im at least 18,
but is it a bad idea to have sex this young 
or kinda soon in the relationship? 
I really trust him. What's the best to do?

A: You are young, it is a good idea to wait.
Why jump into sex young? If he is your best 
friend and truly loves you he would respect
your wishes. You have been with him for 5 
months, thats not a long time.
Go with what you truly feel is right, deep 
within. You know the answers.



Q: Dear bittergurl, 
I have been married to a girl I deeply love 
for 6 years now, we have 2 daughters, 
4 and 5 years old. After our second daughter
sex came to a stop, I would be forced to beg 
and plead for it. I made jokes about it to lessen
the severity of it all, I would grab her and 
touch her in a sexual ways to try and initiate
sex, but after 4 years of this I'm tired of the hassle. 
We have talked together about it (first yelling,
then calmly, then deeply lovingly), 
but she says she just isn't horny any more. 
I asked if there was anything I could do to help,
she said no. Recently, we started to see 
a councilor (psychologist) to help us, the 
Dr. said that there are other problem involved
in our lives that are effecting the situation, 
and that they need to be addressed. 
But i am hurting so bad, once a week isn't fast enough. 
Now the psychologist said I shouldn't 
make any advances towards my wife, to see if 
that lessens the pressure on her to have sex. 
But I think I'm going to far, I don't want to 
even talk to her, I feel hurt that she can't 
open up to me and let me help her. 
I love her, she is a great girl, 
but I she that this has made her different
also (more impatient with our children), 
and I don't want to leave her or my kids,
but I don't enjoy being around her as much. 
Please tell me things will change for the better. 
~Confused!    

A: I can understand your pain. But if you want
this to work, it will take time and effort.
The Dr. you both seen is right, I am sure there
are other issues that have lead up to this.
It may be difficult for her to talk to you about
it because she doesn't know how to go about it,
she might be afraid of hurting you too. If she
is not happy she will not have intimate 
relations with you, thats typical for most
women. If you are aware of the problems that
you both need to address you need to work on it.
You can't expect things to change overnight,
because it won't. You need to go slowly, and 
be patient. When you do see the Dr. you should
tell him your feelings about it too. Once you
address and correct the problems in your 
relationship, things should go smoothly. 
Until then they won't. She is more 
impatient with the children because she is
stressed, the problems need to be worked out.
Not talking to her is not going to solve 
the problems. Work with her, be there for her,
support her and love her. 
That is what she needs right now. 



Q: THIS MIGHT SOUND A LIL STRANGE, BUT I KNOW
U PROBABLY HEARD IT ALL. BUT ANYWAY, I HAVE JUST
MET THIS GUY THAT IM NOW SEEING. I'VE KNOWN HIM
4 LESS THAN A MONTH, BUT IT SEEMS LIKE I'VE KNOWN
HIM 4 A VERY LONG TIME.I LIKE HIM ALOT ALOT, 
NO IM NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM, BUT I REALLY REALLY
LIKE HIM. BUT MY PROBLEM IS..HE IS LIVING WITH
HIS GIRLFRIEND..NO I DONT THINK HE IS GONNA LEAVE
HER(I WISH HE WOULD)LOL..HOWEVER I HAVE DATED
MANY GUYS THAT HAS HAD GIRLFRIENDS, BUT NOT LIVE
IN GIRLFRIENDS..THIS IS BOTHERING ME. I DONT KNOW
HOW U FEEL BUT I THINK THAT HAVING A GIRLFRIEND
AND LIVING WITH A GIRLFRIEND IS VERY DIFFERENT.. 
NOW MY QUESTION TO U IS--IS IT NORMAL 4 ME TO 
FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT A GUY THAT I JUST MET? 
IS THIS A FAZE THAT IM GOING THROUGH WITH HIM? 
WILL IT PASS? LAST BUT NOT LEAST, SHOULD I STAY
DATING HIM OR MOVE ON? REMEMBER BITTER, 
I REALLY REALLY LIKE THIS GUY, 
HOW DO I GET HIM OUT OF MY MIND OR HOW DO I 
STOP MY FEELINGS FROM GROWING 4 HIM? 
NEEDING YOUR ADVICE??????
~UNDECIDED......B.K 

A: I guess the question is are you willing to 
share him with another girl? If so, then you 
can continue to let your feelings grow. 
Otherwise you should move on. He LIVES with her
and that means she means alot to him if they
live together, they must have some sort of bond
and closeness. Do you accept that? You can feel
alot of different feelings about people you
just meet, is it normal? There is no 
"so-called normal" in my eyes. 
But its common to have feelings for people we
just meet, our feelings grow the more we are
with someone, as a friend or lover, etc.
I myself do not think its right 
to start a relationship with someone who
already has a partner. I can tell you REALLY
like him, but if you say he's not going to leave
his live-in girlfriend then I think you should
find another, unless you'll settle for what is 
now and that is a decision you have to make.
 


Q: I dated a guy for 17 months and it ended
about 4 months ago. I have dated other people
but have not had a relationship with any of
these people. however, my ex has had 
another girlfriend for nearly 2 months.
he tells me it is not serious and he could
never love anyone (not even her) as much 
as he did her. We ended our relationship
because I began college and he was still 
in high school and our lives were just going
in different directions. but here's the thing..
he and I still talk alot and for the 
past 4 weeks, we have been meeting up alot.
we have even been to eachothers houses but
we mostly meet up late at night and park 
somewhere. he has not been faithful 
to his girlfriend. 
we are still sleeping together. 
after we have sex, he wont let me go. 
he says he just wants to lay in eachothers 
arms for a little while. I still care about him
and he says he still cares about me, but he 
is still with his girlfriend. what should I do?
should I believe what he says to me or forget 
him and try and move on? please help! 

A: Looks like he wants to have his cake and
eat it too! If he feels that way about you
and he wants a relationship with you, he should
leave his girlfriend. Otherwise its just
casual sex. And right now it seems like casual
sex. He could have said those things in the 
thrill of the moment, he may not mean
them. You need to ask these questions when 
your not in the middle of intimacy. Ask him
what he wants out of your relationship. I 
don't think its fair to lead you or the other 
girl on.



Q: hi i have a question about something 
that's hard for me but anyway. what if you 
have a couple doubts before even talk to the
person on the phone or even going out on a 
frist date with them and even the frist date? 

A: I'm not sure how to answer this because I
don't know what you mean when you say doubts.
You might want to get to know the person better
before moving ahead that way you can be sure if
you do or don't want to go on a date or make 
the call. Always go with your gut feelings.



Q: Hi! I'm kinda having this problem having
good conversations with my boyfriend. 
I don't really get into anything deep with
him and share compltetel thoughts with him.
I was wondering how I ould fix that. 
I've been with him a while so it's not like
I'm still getting to know him like that.  
With my last boyfriend I could talk forever
about one thing, but not this one. 
Can ya help me out? 
 
A: Bring up a topic and ask him how he feels
about it, thats usually a good way to get
a conversation going. Maybe your not as
comfortable talking with him as you were with
your past boyfriend or vice versa. Not 
everyone communicates the same way, so its
hard to say how to make it work you just 
have to try. He has to be willing to open
up to you. 



Q: hi im a female in my 30s ive been 
struggling through relationships, from  
age 20 my first husband would always 
hit on me, curse me, mentley emotionaly but
here i am from age 20 been through 
4 divorces 4 marriages and relationships
that sour, ive had no luck, im now speaking
to people for help, and im hungry for attition,
love pampering and know more heart aches,  
but i cant find that kinda love bouncen back
and forth, from guys they say things to get
you to beleave them ive done it beleaved them
and i have been punished through lifes
misfortunates i care so much but its a pain  
that  i cant get a happy life and with bipoler
you cant get rid of it, you have it the 
rest of your life, im on medications but at 
times i feel my self moving back into that
unforgiven life style again how can i have
a normal life and not worry about the past
in my life, i struggle enough i think with  
out, jammin this all back on me, if you have
answers please tell me thanks.   
  
A: You have been through alot in your life,
and I'm sorry things didn't go smoothly.
The only thing I can suggest is that you 
go slower when getting involved with someone
take time don't jump into a relationship 
quickly. There is no such thing as "normal"
you need to make changes to make your life
the way you want it, and thats never easy.
Be in the moment, try to move on from the
past but try to work through any problems
that your past brings up for you. 



Q: I have been with the same guy for over
7 months and I want to break up with him because
hes no fun but he treats me like a queen and I
am afraid I will never find anyone like him hes 
really nice to me and never once disrespected  
me I am just bored I told him but he wont 
change I dont if I should break up with him 
or if I do how to do it I dont want to hurt his 
feelings beccause I know he cares for me a lot. 

A: There are a few things you can do. One thing
you can try to do is to spice up things yourself
make things work for you. Suggest fun things, do
fun things with him. Your in this together so
both of you should try. You can't expect him to
make things fun all the time. The second thing, 
is find out why your bored! Have you changed or
did he? And if he did change, how so? Maybe he's
depressed, find out why? These are my suggestions.
The break-up decision is yours I cannot 
answer that for you. Just keep in mind if he 
treats you so well, do you really want to 
push him away?



Q: I've been seeing a man for 3 1/2 years and
he keeps using the excuse that my clothes smell
like smoke. I dont smoke around him ever. 
He goes on vacation with me comes over my apt. 
and has sex. He says if I move in with him I  
will smell up his home with my clothes. 
If we have a disagreement he leaves for a month 
or 2 weeks here and there. 
He always finds the imperfections in me.
Is he playing games or fear of commitment 
ousing me. I figure after all  
this time he should know what he wants. 
Nothing I do seems to please him.
I stuck by him through his illnesses,
sexual problems, etc. but he wants perfection.
Will he change. Or is he one ccccconfused man.
He is extra close with his sisters, more to them
than me. He seems to leave me when its time for my 
birthday or christmas etc.	

A: This man seems very rude to me. There could
be alot of reasons as to "why" he is doing this
he could be afraid to commit. But this sure is
a "ignorant" way of saying so. This guy seems
like a real jerk! No one is perfect and he
certainly can't expect you to live up to all
of his expectations, if he does I wouldn't
waste my time any longer. From what I can see
it seems like he's using you, if he cared he
would try work out disagreements not disappear
for a month or a few weeks at a time. I can't
see staying in a relationship with someone
who disappears for weeks and months without 
any contact. Is he going to change? Thats up
to him, he has to want to change. I can see
you have put alot into this relationship and
most likely you have been the only one putting
any effort into this relationship and thats a
shame. His relationships with his sisters, I
really can't say what the issue is there.
I suggest you get some answers from him, 
ask him what his future plans are for 
your relationship together, because if there
is going to be anything significant someone
will have to make some serious changes.



Q: Ok there is this girl and she is pretty nice.
She comes over to my desk everyday in class we
talk and laugh together. I think she likes me 
but I really don't know. This girl is white and
I am black and I already been turn down once by
a white girl so I'm not going to approach her
because of the fear of rejection. She asked me 
what I think about other girls and their black.
She enjoys talking to me and I enjoy talking to
her she's not interested in another guy as far 
as I know and she even asked me did I have a  
girlfriend and I said I'm not talking to anyone
right now. She like tounching on me alot on my 
head and kind of flirting with me and I don't 
know what to do, so what should I do?

A: Rejection can happen at anytime from anyone
and any race. Rejection is a part of life,
we can be rejected in many ways. I know its
not a good thing but we can't let it stop us!
If she asked if you had a girlfriend and she
asked what you think about other girls, is a hint.
It tells me that she wants to know what type 
of girls you like which could mean she wants 
to know if you like her. 
These are just some possibilities.
Talk to her ask her if she would date someone
from your race, thats one way of finding out
for sure. 



Q: My girlfriend and I were together for
five years this october '99'. We had a 
bumpy past but always pulled through. It
started when I forgot our anniversery, I 
tried to make it up to her but she said 
it was no problem, and I got the silent
treatment for two days. From there on we
started arguing about stupid stuff 
'little things'. Then out of the blue 
she said that we needed time apart. I 
tried to talk to her about it but she 
said that she didn't want to. I tried
flowers, letters and begging her,
nothing worked. She finally told me
that she loved me but she wasn't in 
love with me anymore. She also got 
into an argument with her parents and
suddenly moved out with her friend. A
month later after not hearing from her 
for thanksgiving I paged her. I asked 
her why she didn't call me to let me
know she was ok, she blamed me for her
fighting with her parents and said that
I wasn't worth it, after five years I 
don't think things should have ended
like that especially after we had 
talked about marriage and starting a 
family. I talked to her parents and
they said that I had nothingn to do 
with them fighting with her, and 
hearing that I wasn't worth it was the
worse thing that anyone has ever said
to me in my life. Being almost three
months now my heart is as broken as the
day she left and my love for her 
stronger than before. I feel as if I 
have lost my only true love, I have yet
to start picking the pieces especially
with the holidays just passing I feel 
that there is nothing left of me.
Please help me any which way you can.
~Yours Truly A Broken Heart

A: There are alot of missing pieces that
could have contributed to this break-up.
Things that you may not be aware of and
things she may not have told you.. 
Probably both. Holidays are always 
difficult when we are apart from people 
we care about. You tried talking to her,
letters, flowers..there is nothing else
you can do. If she is willing to throw
away a five year relationship instead of 
trying to make things work, she has a
problem. I suggest you move on, and
thats not easy but you can do it.


 
Q: Ok, Theres this guy that I really like,
and I've never had such feelings for anyone
before. And the words "I love you" kinda 
worry both of us, but I feel that I want to
say them. They keep creeping to the tip of
my tongue and I have to catch myself before 
I say them. I'm not sure if I should wait 
before he says them if he ever does, or what.
I don't want to scare him or anything. 
I really feel strongly for him though, and I
want to express myself! What do I do?

A: You know the words "I love you" worry
both of you? I'm not quite sure what that
means..But you will say it when you truly 
mean it, you won't hold back. There are
many ways of expressing your feelings to
someone, greeting cards are a good way
and the list goes on and on. When you are
both ready, it will happen.



Q: Hi. I'm to old for all this hurt. 
Why was I so stupid? My "love" stated that
I was a rebound, that he still loved another.
So, I went into the background for a while,
but the other woman instant messaged me..
She said she was no threat to me and my guy,
but..I believed her..then after talking with
her, she went back to him and reported lies.
I am a very honest, trusting person. Why does
this turn out to be a fault or a curse? How
could he believe her, I never lied to him.
Trust is so important in a relationship..
without it..I don't think it would work.
Well, now he won't even talk to me. I did
nothing wrong. Why am I being punished?
Can you feel my hurt..it goes very deep?
I don't hate him, not too fond of her
though..Everyone says..time heals all 
wounds..but this is so hard. ~DL

A: You said he "stated" you were a rebound.
Regardless of what the other woman says
he still loves her. That is the key issue
right there. Of course he will believe
anything she says if he "loves her" she
still means alot to him. Even if she says
she isn't a threat that doesn't mean he
changed his mind about her. Since she
told lies about you, that means she was
a threat and wanted him back. Don't ever
trust the "other" woman. Why would she
be on your side? It just seems to me 
they wanted each other back, and now
they are together again. I can feel your
pain. But maybe next time don't get 
involved with someone who states 
"your a rebound", I think thats 
disrespectful enough to not want to be
with him any longer. 



Q: Hey BitterGurl. I have been dating this
guy for about 4 months now...and he's great 
for me, but theres one thing that bothers me
about him. He just doesnt tell me how he feels
about me. He says that I should already know 
he cares about me, but I just want him to say
it every once and a while, and I just out of
line? Is there something wrong with me or 
him? I just want to be reassured. 
*Out of line?

A: Hiya! There is nothing wrong with wanting
to know/hear his feelings. Some guys aren't
comfortable talking about feelings thats 
why they tend to stray away. Just know
there is NOTHING wrong with you. This is 
common for alot of males. And your NOT out
of line! Try talking to him about it, tell
him you'd like to know how he feels about 
you, let him know its important to you and
see what he has to say!



Q: I have this friend that I just started
hanging out with and I introduced her to my
boyfriend. We were all hanging-out, getting
drunk, and they could not stop looking at
each other. Should I. Get made at him? then
I am ready to go (she road with me to the 
party) she wants to stay and he does to. 
Well, her I am at home pissed off while I
left them together smoking on the porch.
Should I tell him to beat it or what?

A: It could have been because they were
both drunk although it doesn't make it
"RIGHT". I would talk to him about it,
see what he has to say and go from there. 
She came with you, she should have left
with you. I would be mad at him if he was
making "EYES" at my friend.


Q: My boyfriend and I have been together for
2 years now. The last relationship he had
before me was 6 years ago. He still goes to
his ex girlfriends house to her family. His
ex's mother always calls him son in-law and 
makes comments such as he should have been
your baby's father. She has a baby for another
guy and he always carry's her sons picture on
his key ring. I really don't feel comfortable
with the situation. If they have broken up,
why does her mother still call him son in-law.
Im just very confused, hurt and don't know
what to do. I confront him about it and he 
always says there could be nothing between
them anymore. Then he tries to console me by
telling me that his family loves me and that
Im their favorite cause his mother always 
calls me daughter in-law and he always calls
me his wife. What should I do? Its killing me
and I don't feel comfortable.

A: I don't blame you for not feeling 
comfortable!!! Something is really WRONG
here, I don't see the reasoning in him
visiting his ex's family all the time.
And carrying her baby's picture on his
Key Ring?! from another man.. There is
something missing here on his part,
there is ALOT that he is not telling you
and I suggest you confront him on all of 
these things. It seems to me there is 
alot more going on here than just 
"friendship". And if not, he needs to 
make some major changes..tell him
don't be afraid to speak your mind! 


Q: I met a guy and we are sooo compatible.
He likes me a lot. I know this because he
tells me all the time and he calls me every
day. The problem is that he is smothering 
me. We have been dating for less than a 
week and he is acting like we have been in
a relationship for a year. He thinks we are
exclusive, but did not think to ask me how
I feel about that. He even gets upset when
I flirt with other guys, as if I am being
unfaithful to him. I do not mind being in
a relationship, but this was way too fast
for me. Now I find myself not really 
liking him anymore, but I do not have
the heart to tell him. I know I should
talk to him, and I will. But should I
stick it out with him for awhile to see
if I start liking him again? Or should 
I go with my gut feeling and break it 
off now?

A: I always say follow your instinct.
But, if he never smothered you to begin 
with would you still want to be with him?
If so, then you need to tell him to slow
down..tell him he's moving in on you too
quick you've only been together a week!
If he respects your needs by slowing 
down, maybe its worth a shot?! Thats up
to you, if your truly unhappy best thing
to do is to end it.



Q: I went out with a girl for about nine
months. It was amazing how in love we were
being teenagers and all. Our relationship 
was so different than most highschool 
relationships. We were seriously in complete
love and to this day she agrees we were. She
would always talk about how she seriously 
wanted to be with me the rest of my life and
I believed her. Then she started having some
serious problems with bulemia and depression
which I found out later that she had these
problems before we started dating but for 
some reason I made them go away for a while.
She all of a sudden turned into this completly
different person and wanted nothing to do 
with me. I stayed away from her for a while
and then we started being very good friends.
But lately she wants to be friends at times
but other times she pretty much tells me to
**** Off. I worry about her so much because
she has been suicidal in the past. She tells
me it makes her worse sometimes when she hears
from me because she starts thinking about how
much stuff she put me through breaking up with
me and all. But I am pretty much the only 
person who really understands her and is there
for her. No one but me knows everything about
what she is going through. She says knowing
that someone cares is one of the reasons she
is still alive today. I am so confused. 
Should I leave her alone and save her some
grief or should I keep in touch letting her
know someone cares for her well being which
I indeed do? ~Chris

A: Depression, can cause mood swings and
confusion which could contribute to her
being a "different person" sometimes.
The reasons her symptoms may have left when
you were together is because she was happy,
she felt loved, needed and cared for. 
When she lacks those feelings, is stressed 
or triggered these symptoms can come back.
It's not an easy relationship or friendship
to be in. There are many issues here that 
are left up in the air. You might want to 
stay in touch, write her a note or send her
a card to let her know your thinking
about her, that you care and how you feel 
because I know you care about her very much.
I'm sure she needs you and I think you need
her too. But the less pressure the better.
Stay in the background but not too far away 
if you know what I mean, as long as its not 
hurting you. You seem like a wonderful
caring person and a great friend, I think
she's lucky to have you.

 

Q: Me and this guy used to date, and we don't
anymore, and he just broke up with his 
girlfriend a week ago, and we are talking now,
and I love him more than anything in this 
universe, should I tell him or not?
~hopelessly devoted

A: If he just broke up with his girlfriend
it might be a little too soon. They might get
back together one can never tell. If you have
strong feelings for him and you tell him then
he goes back with her it could be tragic. 
I suggest you play it safe for awhile. 
Give him some hints about how you feel and go
from there.



Q: Hi Bittergirl, I have a major problem with
my husband. We both work. I work part time at
night. I take care of our 8 month old daughter
during the day while he is at work. When we are
home together(which is about 4 nights a week)
He'll sit on the computer for 5 sometimes 9
hours a night. I know it gets boring, trust me,
but recently I found a picture on a disk that 
was taken on a web cam by two young girls.
they had to be no older than 16 and were 
chatting with him in there bra's. My husband
always thinks I'm just nagging him all the 
time. but this is serious. I feel that it was
disrespectful to me and our daughter. But I 
want things to work. What can I do?
~Sincerely, Superchick80

A: This is very serious! You need to talk to 
your husband about it now, don't let matters
get worse. I know you want things to work 
between the two of you, being bored has 
nothing to do with this! 
For your daughters safety and the safety 
of the two girls this needs to be discussed.
No adult should engage in sexual chat 
and/or contact with a minor.


 
Q: I just broke up with my boyfriend. We were going
out for three years. Almost engaged. I can't let go
even though I think he is a jerk.  ~Can't let go.

A: If he's a jerk, you should move on!
Why torture yourself! Three years is a long time, 
any break up is hard. Keep yourself busy!



Q: How do you handle a break-up?
Could you give me some advice please.
I am 22 from South Africa.

A: The best thing to do is to keep busy!
Go out with friends, do things to take 
your mind off of him or her. 



Q: What do you do when the person you
love doesn't want to be with you anymore?
And What do you do when its so hard 
to move on when you can't get them 
out of your head?

A: You can't make anyone love you.
You can only hope they will love you in return.
Rejection is always hard to deal with.
We have to learn to let go, accept what is.
Learn to live in the moment.
Tell that person how you feel,
write a letter, let them know! 
If they don't respond then maybe 
it wasn't right to begin with.



Q: How can I deal with family members 
causing problems in my relationship.
My boyfriend's mother does not want him with me. 
She wants him to take care of her.
His sister is also laying a guilt trip
on him about coming to Florida to live with me.
His Sister said that he would have to live
with his mother dying and not spending 
time with her if he came to live 
with me in Florida.
I think that is cruel to tell someone this 
and I can't live with the thought of people
who are Christians dominating
a 45 yr old man's life.

A: It's not up to his mother to make the
decision to move with you to Florida,
he is 45 yrs old. If he wants to be with you
he needs to make that clear to his family. 
It is his family he needs to deal with them,
they may say and do cruel things but there
is nothing you can do about that. 
Only he can put a stop to it.
If his mother is dying, he may not want to 
move at the moment. He should spend sometime
with her now. It's something the two of you
need to work on. Parents never want to let 
go of their children no matter what age,
its the child/adult that has to break those
chains.



Q: I have been dating a guy seriously for 4 years.
He used to be sweet, loving and showed lots of 
interest, but we constantly fight and are jealous 
of each other. Now he wants to date me again,
but its not the same person. He is rude, 
inconsiderate and he doesn't show me anymore
affection. Why is he doing this to me?

A: I'm a bit confused. I am assuming you broke up
with him and he wants to date you again. Tell him
why you don't want to be with him, tell him how
he treats you. No one deserves to be treated that 
way! Then maybe if he changes his attitude
you can think about dating him again and if not
tell him so. And if he's rude and inconsiderate
thats why he's doing that to you! 



Q:  I'm 42 and I fell in love with a 60 yr old
man who was an associate at a company I worked
for but based in D.C., I live and work in Dallas.
Everyone found out at work, including my friends
D.C. associates, that were not happy about the
relationship. This man also gave me a large
amount of money, which they knew about some of.
On his last trip down before the news cast,
I mentioned marriage. I heard from him once
after this. Then he would no longer take my
calls and would hangup when he did answer.
Was this all my fault? What does this type of
reaction mean? I am broken and lost.

A: It could be that he his angry with you
because everyone at work found out about your
relationship, and the money that he gave you.
Or he could be avoiding you because he's not
interested in marriage. Maybe he is married or
had a change of heart. There are many 
possibilites. Was it your fault? I can't give
you the answer to that question.
What does it mean? He's angry.
You might have taken the relationship more
seriously than he did.



Q: I am or was in a relationship and I am now
5 months pregnant. He moved out 7 weeks ago.
He comes around every few days and tells me he
loves me but then I won't hear from him for
3-4 and sometimes 5 days at a time. He claims 
he needs his space and that he isn't seeing
anyone else, that he needs to clear his head
and get his stress levels down. Why is it when
he is here I believe him? But then I don't 
believe him again when he doesn't show up or
even call for days?? That to me isn't love,
I don't even know what it is. Or do you think
this guy really needs his space?? 
I am confused and worried, more because this
will be my third child and I don't know what
to expect. ~Mel

A: Mel, it looks like this guy is messing with
your head! It could very well be he needs space
to clear his head. But he keeps playing with
your emotions and this is not right!! He maybe
confused and is trying to make decisions, but 
at the same time he leads you on. You believe
him because maybe at that moment he feels that
way, he is good with his words and the next moment
he may not feel that way if he's with someone else.
You need to do what you have to do to take care
of you. If you can move on, otherwise make him
prove himself to you.



Q: I have been married for 4 yrs, but dated
my husband for 15 yrs before getting married.
I have lost my love feelings for him over 2 yrs
ago. I stay in this relationship for my kids 
and so I do not hurt his parents. I am miserable
and so unhappy. Do I not deserve to be loved
and love again?

A: Who says your not loved? Your children love 
you, and your husband probably loves you.
You can't please everybody! You do deserve 
to be loved and love again. I think it would
be a good idea to try counseling. You have
been in this relationship for 19 yrs. Thats
a long time to just walk away. Maybe you 
can correct what has been troubling your
relationship. I don't know the ages of your
children, and his parents should have nothing
to do with your decision. Don't assume the
grass is greener on the other side, it may
not be. Do some soul searching. 

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