Clue Mystery 2001

This is a play I wrote for my annual family summer trip, where, every year, my sister, Grandmother, and I put on a mystery with the characters from the CLUE game. This year we gained an extra actor, allowing us to actually have a decent play (It's tough to write a show when only three of the eight characters can appear onstage at the same time, and costume changes are crazy.) so I wrote it beforehand, instead of the usual ad-libbing it when we get up there. WARNING: IF YOU'RE IN MY FAMILY AND YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THIS PLAY NEXT WEEK, DON'T YOU PEEK! And now, without further ado, a few notes:

The play is still written to be performed by four actors. One plays Miss Scarlet and Mr. Green, one plays Professor Plum and Col. Mustard, one plays Mrs. Merriweather and Miss White, and one play Miss Peacock and Madame Noir. I guess it could be done with up to six actors, (because a few of the characters played by the same person end up being the same person) but then the two people playing two parts would look suspicious. It really was written for four actors... Here's some character notes:

Mrs. Mary Merriweather~ You're probably wondering where she was in the CLUE game. Well, she's one we added. We needed another character to even it out, and she plays the hostess of the party. See, every year she invites all the characters to the party, and then something happens: somebody gets killed or something gets stolen. Then we have the audience guess who did it before we finished the play. Mrs. Merriweather is a stuck-up "royal-blooded" woman very condescending to pretty much everyone else, especially the other women. Sadly, her part isn't too big this year.

Miss Scarlet~ She's kind of a slightly slutty, dim bulb type of girl with a New York accent who's been engaged to pretty much every male in the show some year or another.

Miss Peacock~ She's a new character this year. Usually her mother, Mrs. Peacock, comes as an actress with a very prized Oscar and a bladder problem everyone knows about but pretends is a secret. Miss Peacock is a double-entendred, intelligent but suspicious woman with a slight southern accent.

Col. Mustard~ He's a blustering old soldier who thinks very highly of the military, although he really doesn't understand much about it.

Professor Plum~ Another new character. She's the wife of intellectual snob Professor Plum. She's a near-sighted, old lady librarian with a high voice and a bit of a totter.

Miss White~ A cranky, suspicious woman with a Bavarian/Russian/German accent who always feels slighted or suspected because sh'es the maid. She mutters to herself and complains a lot.

Mr. Green~ He's a lawyer and a parody of my father, loosely. You can make him a parody of any lawyer you know, though.

Madame Noir~ She's the character to replace the Detective, who we usually have but who I promised wouldn't appear this year because she kind of symbolizes the lower quality (read boring) method of plot developement we have had in previous years. She's a VERY suspicious woman with a black shawl tightly wrapped around her and a heavy french accent.

So that's pretty much it. If you can figure out what happens and for some reason actually want to put on the play, feel free. Just let me know about it. Actually, if you even finish the play, let me know. I'll be truly amazed. Anyway, enjoy the show!

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Merri: Good evening, and welcome to my ninth annual dinner party to celebrate my astonishing wealth and beauty. As always, I have invited only my closest and most trusted friends, to ensure that nothing... out of the ordinary occurs. Every year that detective has come, I’ve noticed that we’ve had some sort of a problem, so this year I decided not to invite her. So hopefully this year the party should be a rather uneventful success. I hope. (There is a knock on the door.) Oh, that must be the first guest. (Opens door. It is Miss Scarlet.) Ah, my dear Miss Scarlet! How do you do, darling?

Scarlet: Ah, well, ya know, I’m pretty good. I’m engaged, ta tell ya the truth, but, ya know, keep it down on the low skinny… skinny on the down-low… keep it kinda hush hush, ya know. It’s kind of a big surprise… it’s not every year ya get engaged.

Merri: (aside) Well, it is every year you get engaged, dear… ahem! (to Scarlet) So, who’s the lucky fella… (aside) this time…?

Scarlet: Well, a course, it’s General Mustard baby. He’s sooo… soldierly…

Merri: (a bit uptight, but not too noticeably, slightest emphasis on Col.) Oh, Col. Mustard, I see… (Hesitates. The door knocks.) Ah! That must be, um, someone else! I’d better get that. (Ms. Peacock enters.) Ms. Peacock, how delightful to see you! Miss Scarlet, allow me to introduce Ms. Peacock, daughter of Mrs. Peacock, who was unable to make it this year.

Peacock: Yes, she was feeling a bit indisposed. (Merriweather smiles knowingly at Peacock, who stares blankly, then at Scarlet, who shrugs puzzledly.)

Merri: Ahem! Well, why don’t you two ladies have a seat, and I’ll go have Miss White bring in the hors d’oeuvres. (Hurrying off) Miss White! Oh, Miss White! (Peacock and Scarlet sit.)

Peacock: Hello, I’m Ms. Peacock. How do you do? Scarlet: (nonchalant) Well, ya know, same old same old, just kinda, well, ok, I’m engaged. Yup. Gonna get married— (whispered) to the General!

Peacock: The General?

Scarlet: Yeah, ya know, General Mustard.

Peacock: Has he been promoted? My, my, I hadn’t heard…

Scarlet: Huh? Anywho, don’t go blabbin’ it around yet, it’s not quite all out in the open, ya know?

Peacock: Oh, of course not. I wouldn’t dream… (a knock on the door) Hm. Someone’s at the door.

Scarlet: (yelling) Someone’s at the door! Hello! Someone’s at the door!

White: (entering with hors d’oeuvres, stops at fire place to wipe a spot, etc.) I’m coming, I’m coming. Nobody else can get the door, can they? Only the maid, huh? Bring the hors d’oeuvres out, maid. Get the door, maid. What, somebody else gets the door, the whole house explodes, huh? We all go up in flames? (Another knock, insistent) I’m comin’, I’m comin’. Geez, I gotta do all the work around here. Everybody else is royalty or something. I just (opens door, suddenly sparkling) Why hello, Col. Mustard! How wonderful to see you. Come in, come in, have a seat! (turning to Scarlet and Peacock) The Colonel, ladies. (Bows and gestures him in to have a seat. Stands almost unnoticeably by watching through the next conversation, drawing no attention but with a mingled look of love and jealousy on her face as Scarlet rushes up to give him a hug.)

Scarlet: General Mustard baby sweetie honey sugar dumpling pie… How are you doing?

Mustard: (slightly nervous, especially once he sees Peacock, startled) Well, you know how it is. Heh heh. Uh, bit of traffic, got held up. Must be the stormy weather. Ms. Peacock, what a, um, surprise.

Peacock: A pleasant one, I hope. Congratulations on your promotion to General, you should have let us know.

Mustard: (flustered (Ha ha, flustered Mustard...)) Promotion? Oh, yes, no, I mean, it’s just a pet name you know. Heh heh. Nope, still a colonel, I am, I am. How have you, uh, been?

Peacock: Oh, fine. Haven’t heard from you in a while. (Scarlet looks up, surprised at this, turns questioningly to Colonel Mustard.)

Mustard: (glancing to Scarlet, then back to Peacock.) Yeah, well, you know how it is. Been a bit busy. (Smiles at Scarlet.)

Peacock: Yes, so I see, so I see… Well, you’ll have to excuse me a moment, I’d better put up my coat. Miss White! (who tears her gaze from Mustard with a start) Show me where to put my coat, dear.

White: Ah, yes, of course. (to Scarlet and Mustard) And can I take yours? Thank you. Right this way, Ms. Peacock. (They exit.)

Scarlet: (a bit angrily) And how exactly do you know that… hussy Ms. Peacock, Colonel Mustard? Hm?

Mustard: Ah, well, um, old friends, you know, you know… Heh heh. (nostalgically, to himself) Old friends…

Scarlet: Hmph! Well, I hope old friends won’t distract you too much from your lovely and adoring fiancée. Will they? (sweetly staring into his eyes)

Mustard: Of course not, hon, of course not. (White and Peacock re-enter, Mustard breaks Scarlet’s gaze abruptly, looks up.)

White: Pardon me, Colonel, Madame Merriweather would like to see you in the parlor, if you don’t mind…

Mustard: Oh, um, sure, I’ll be right there. (to Scarlet) I’ll see you in a bit. (winks obviously, then exits)

Peacock: So, how did you and the Colonel meet?

Scarlet: Well, ya know, we’ve always known each other through these parties and everything, but this spring I went on a little cruise to the Bahamas, and Mustard baby just happened to be there, too, and, well, one thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, he was proposin’! It was just so romantic, on that big ship, under the stars and everything. Ya know?

Peacock: Yes, it sounds…lovely. A cruise in the Bahamas, you say? That must have been pretty costly. I didn’t know Col. Mustard had that kind of money.

Scarlet: Yeah, well, it’s supposed to be a bit of a secret. He recently came into some money… a veteran’s siphon from the government or somethin’, but he’s got some horrible stingy ex-wife and step-daughter somewhere and if she finds out about it she’ll leech every penny she can get out of him, he says. And we need the money for the wedding, ya know. Why, my dress alone costs well over a million dollars, all covered in diamonds—it’s gorgeous, let me tell you. And as soon as we get married he says he can arrange it so the money’s in my name, and his ex-wife won’t be able to touch it! That’s why the whole thing’s kind of a secret until we can pull it off. We don’t want that low-down blood-sucking ex-wife of his getting wind of it until it’s all done—who knows what she would do if she found out!

Peacock: Yes, I see how that could be a tragedy. My. What a romantic story.

Scarlet: Yes, well… Say, why are you so interested in my General Mustard anyway, hm? He’s taken, missy! (a knock on the door) Miss White! Someone’s at the door again! Miss White? Where can she have gone? (They’re still knocking) Miss White! Yoooo-hoooo!

Peacock: Oh, for goodness sakes! (Goes to the door. It’s too dark to see who it is.) Hello, come on in! Sorry, we can’t seem to find the maid anywhere. I’m Ms. Peacock.

Scarlet: And I’m Miss Scarlet.

Plum: (entering) Good evening. I’m Professor Plum. (Walks over to fireplace and examines books) Scarlet and Peacock: (shocked) Professor Plum?

Scarlet: Pardon, but wasn’t Professor Plum, ahem, a… man?

Peacock: But… but… (trying to get a better look at Plum’s face)

Plum: (turning around to Scarlet) Oh, I’m sorry. Professor Plum wasn’t able to make it. I’m his wife, Professor Plum.

Scarlet: Professor Plum has a wife?

Plum: Ho ho, yes, well, it’s a pretty recent development. The wedding was just last spring.

Peacock: Excuse me, but aren’t you, um, weren’t you, Professor Violette?

Plum: (turning to Peacock) Why, yes, that is my maiden name, why do you…

Peacock: (grabbing her hand excitedly) Why, it’s me, Sarah Peacock, from your Contemporary Poetry class two years ago. Remember?

Plum: Why of course! Sarah! How have you been? You just graduated this year, didn’t you? My my, how time flies when you just got married, doesn’t it now? Yes, it seems like only yesterday that I boarded that cruise ship for the Bahamas, never imagining I would meet the man of my dreams and get engaged on that big boat under the stars… (to Scarlet) very romantic.

Scarlet: Was that the Princess cruise to the Bahamas? Just this last spring?

Plum: Why, yes, dearie. Indeed it was. Why do you ask?

Scarlet: That’s the same exact cruise where I got engaged to Col. Mustard!

Plum: Col. Mustard, eh? Yes, I remember Professor Plum talking about him. Said he was some sort of ignorant, bumbling military man who knew less about military strategy than anyone he’d ever met. Isn’t he the one who recently received an award from the government for “his” discovery about the similarities of national relations right before the First World War and today? (screaming now) The theory that Professor Plum had just recently completed, having worked on it for ten long years!?!?

Scarlet: Well, I never! (getting up in a huff) Hmph. I wonder where he disappeared off to, anyways. I’d better go find him. It was… (with disdain) nice… to meet you.

Plum: Goodness, what a sensitive woman. Come to think of it, I remember Professor Plum talking about her, too. Said she was lovely, but not a thing upstairs. Although he did talk about her quite a bit… So, how has life been treating you lately, Sarah? How’s your mother?

Peacock: Oh, she’s just fine. Still struggling a bit financially, you know. Of course she’s never had the money to get that bladder problem of hers fixed, and it’s been causing her more and more trouble lately. She wasn’t even able to make it up to the party this year.

Plum: Dear me, that’s too bad. Well, I’d better see if I can find Mrs. Merriweather to let her know I’m here, and I haven’t had a thing to eat in hours. Traffic was terrible getting up here, I knew it would be, what with the storm, so I had to leave before lunch. What say you and I see if we can find the buffet, maybe catch up on old times a bit, hm?

Peacock: Oh, yes, Professor. I think it’s this way. (They exit. There is a knock on the door. No one answers it. The knock comes again. Again. The door is opened tentatively, Mr. Green comes in, shaking the water off his coat and umbrella. He sets them by the door and looks around, but there is no sign of anyone around.)

Green: Hm, no sign of anyone around. Wonder where they could all be. Well, I’ll just warm up a bit here at the fire for a moment. Terribly stormy outside. Yes sir. Raining cats and dogs; lions and tigers, and bears, even. (Dad donkey laugh) Whoooeeee! (Rubs hands together, leans back in chair, one foot on knee, and picks up the National Enquirer. Makes some comment about whatever the big story is this year. Finally stands up and looks around again. Walks out into hallway, shouting:) A big howdy! (Miss White and Col. Mustard appear in the kitchen, Miss White in the lead. A knock on the door, which continues unheard until White begins to speak, then stops abruptly.)

White: Yes, Colonel, right this way, sir. Mrs. Merriweather should be around her somewhere. Probably just checking up on the bouillabaisse, I think. Uh, Mrs. Merriweather! Ahem! Mrs. Merriweather.

Mustard: Look, Miss White, you can cut the charade. I know for a fact that we’re not going to find Mrs. Merriweather. The gig is up, Miss White. You can’t fool the mastermind of a soldier, no ma’am. Not for long.

White: Why, whatever do you mean, Colonel? I… I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. I am just the stupid maid, nobody ever tells me anything. Nope. Nothing, ever, nobody tells the maid. I don’t have any idea what you’re implying, but I know you’re insinuating something suspicious. I know. Because everybody always blames the maid. I don’t even know what you’re talking about, and still you’re blaming me, because I’m the maid. I know.

Mustard: You can’t fool me with you accent and your “I’m just a stupid maid,” bit. The gig is up. I know the truth about you, and Mrs. Merriweather. (Col. Mustard exits. From offstage) Now, where did Scarlet baby run off to? (Miss White looks off angrily at this, picks up rolling pin from table, fingers it lovingly, and exits. Kitchen light goes out. Mr. Green enters again, looking around. A knock on the door startles him, he goes to answer it.)

Green: Um, come on in outta the rain, Miss. Can I take your shawl?

Noir: No, zank you. (She holds it suspiciously tightly.)

Green: Now, I don’t believe we’ve met, you and I. Ever been to one of these shebangs before?

Noir: No. No, I have not. I am Madame Noir. An… old acquaintance of Mrs. Merriwezzer.

Green: Well, pleased to meet ya. I’m Thomas Green, esquire. Now, you wouldn’t happen to know where your old friend Merriweather might be hiding, would you? Because I can’t seem to find her anywhere. She seems to be missing.

Noir: Missing, eh? Hm. I see. How… very peculiar.

Plum: (entering) Yes, I couldn’t find Mrs. Merriweather anywhere either. She seems to have vanished into thin air.

Noir: (sitting, facing away from Green and Plum, thinking.) Into zin air, hm? Peculiar.

Plum: (to Green, as if she’s going to whisper, but rather loudly) Who’s the weirdo?

Green: (rubbing his ears) Never met her before. Says the name’s Noir, or something. An old friend of Merriweather. But she looks strangely familiar. Don’t know why, never met anybody by that name before.

Noir: (suddenly standing) Yes! We must split up and search ze house, top to bottom! Monsieur Green, please search ze billiard room, ze ballroom, and ze dining room. (to Plum) You and I will begin in ze kitchen and zen ze parlor. (to Green, who is staring suspiciously at her) Get going, garcon! (he exits. To Plum, who is about to leave.) Wait. Wait just one moment. Who are you, now?

Plum: (slightly scared) I am Professor Plum.

Noir: Professor Plum? Any relation to Professor Plum?

Plum: Yes, we were married just last spring.

Noir: I see. And, Professor Plum, ‘ave you noticed anyzing… strange… afoot?

Plum: (looking pointedly at Noir.) Yes.

Noir: (excited) Yes? Go on… What have you noticed? (Miss Scarlet enters, hysterical.)

Scarlet: Col. Mustard is… is dead! (faints. Miss White enters unobtrusively, sans rolling pin, as Plum and Noir try to revive Scarlet. Noir looks up at White, then quickly back down, trying to hide.)

White: (to Noir) Who are you?

Plum: (looking up) Me? Why I’m Professor Plum.

White: Professor Plum? What are you trying to pull? I know Professor Plum, you’re no Professor Plum. You think you can fool the maid, stupid maid, you think, but I know, Professor Plum is a man. So there!

Plum: No, no, you misunderstand me…

White: But I was not talking to you. I was talking to this one over here.

Noir: (nervously) She iz vaking up. Mizz Scarlet! Mizz Scarlet!

White: You think you can fool the maid, too, don’t you? Huh? You think I don’t recognize you under that silly hat, huh? But I know! Mrs. Merriweather said she wasn’t going to invite you, she did. Said you always mess things up.

Noir: Now zere’s an interesting question I’d like ze answer to. Vere is Mrs. Merriwezzer? Hm?

White: I don’t know.

Noir: You don’t know? You don’t know? Her trusty maid has absolutely pas d’une idée where she is, eh? Zat is vhat you are trying to tell me?

Scarlet: (waking up) Will somebody do something? Col. Mustard! Dead, on the floor of the billiard room! (everyone rushes for the door)

Noir: Stop! I sink it is time for me to reveal myself. I am… Detective Edwards. I was told by Mrs. Merriweather that my services would not be required for this year’s party, but obviously, she was mistaken. Fortunately, I expected as much and thus decided to come anyway. Unfortunately, due to the storm, I seem to have arrived too late. Now it appears Mrs. Merriweather has vanished into thin air and Col. Mustard has been killed. One of you must have some idea how this all happened. If you have any ideas, any clues, any leads at all, please write them down. I will leave a box in this room, and anyone who has anything that might be of use in finding Mrs. Merriweather or Col. Mustard’s murderer may place it inside. In order for all information to remain confidential, I will leave the room. Let’s all split up and search the house for clues, all right? If you find anything telling or see something or someone at all suspicious, call me, and I’ll be there right away. You may all reenter this room whenever you like to report any information. Thank you. Professor Plum, you start in the library. Miss White, please look in the kitchen. And Miss Scarlet, could you show me to Col. Mustard’s, um, body? All right, let’s go! (Detective and Scarlet exit, followed by Plum. White stays behind.)

White: Well, what are you all looking at? Suspecting the maid, I can tell. Well, go on, admit it! You think I did it; because I’m the maid, is that it? Well, you’re wrong! All of you! I… did… nothing! The maid is innocent! You want to know who I think it was, I bet it was that trashy Miss Scarlet. She was probably jealous of dear Mrs. Merriweather, knew she and the Colonel had been sweethearts in college, she did, I bet. And probably killed the Mustard man for all that money he had just got from the government. Yeah! I’ll put that in this box, give that stupid detective a “clue.” She wasn’t supposed to come, you know. Wasn’t invited. Just had to show up, and always she brings on a murder, or a robbery, or a disappearance, or something. Hmph. And always, they blame the maid, always, always the maid. (Exits grumbling.) Even send me out to the kitchen. Because I’m the maid, that’s why! Go to the kitchen, maid! Look for clues, maid! We all know you did it, maid! Hmph. (Detective drags Mustard up into the kitchen, Scarlet enters, helps lift corpse onto table.)

Scarlet: There he is, Detective. You saw right where he was when I found him, in that billiard room… stone dead!

Detective: Yes, yes, calm down, Miss Scarlet. I just wanted to get him into better light to examine the body… (circles body, interested) Hmmm…

Scarlet: Do you see anything?

Detective: Yes… I do… a dead body. Very interesting… Now tell me, Miss Scarlet, who do you think it was? Got any ideas, any leads?

Scarlet: Well, you ask me, I say it was that horrible Plum woman. Why, she like to had a stroke when I even mentioned the Colonel, going on and on about her husband’s theory and how Col. Mustard stole the idea from him or something. Well, I never!

Detective: I see. Thank you, Miss Scarlet. Now, if you’d allow me to examine the body a bit more. Perhaps you could look around for Mrs. Merriweather. Try the ballroom, perhaps. (She exits.) Hm. Professor Plum accusing Col. Mustard of stealing her husband’s theory, and a rather pricey one, at that. Very interesting. And then of course there was that screaming match between Col. Mustard and Miss White I heard just as I got to the front door. I couldn’t quite make it out, but it sounded like quite a heated discussion… It’s certainly a good thing I showed up, I’ll tell you that. And still no sign of Mrs. Merriweather. How peculiar. Well, if any of you have any hunches, feel free to put them in the box. I’ll leave you alone for a bit. (Starts to walk away, remembers dead body, drags it off. There are a few moments of silence where they can put guesses in the box. Then Green enters.)

Green: (looking at box) Now, what’s this? Hey, where did everybody go? No sign of Merriweather in the billiard room, ballroom, or dining room. Heard some screaming in here a bit earlier, sounded like that cutey Miss Scarlet. Thought I’d better check it out. I’m a bit worried about that Col. Mustard, with his dirty paws all over her… Sometimes it makes me so mad I’d just like to kill him! Just whack him one over the head, teach him a thing or two about how to treat a classy lady like her! Die, Col. Mustard, die! (He writes the last on a paper, crumples it, tosses it in the box, which he thinks is the trash. Laughs. He doesn’t know Mustard is dead.) Ah, well, guess I’d better see if I can find the rest of the party. (He exits, several seconds later Merriweather sneaks in from kitchen, lies down on floor and pretends to have fainted. Peacock enters, talking to herself.)

Peacock: My, what a large house. I wonder where the Professor got off to… And Col. Mustard… And Mrs… (she sees Mrs. Merriweather on the floor.) Merriweather! Mrs. Merriweather, oh my gosh, someone’s killed Mrs. Merriweather! (Merriweather looks up groggily.)

Merriweather: Hello? What’s going on? What happened?

Peacock: Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Merriweather. I saw you lying there on the floor, and I thought, for a moment, you’d been… you were… (Plum bursts in.)

Plum: Mrs. Merriweather is dead? What? I heard a scream! What happened? Where’s Mrs… (sees Merriweather) Why, she doesn’t look very dead, now does she? What’s going on?

Scarlet: (entering) What, indeed? Why, Mrs. Merriweather, where did you come from?

Peacock: She was lying here on the floor, out cold, when I came in.

Scarlet: What?

Plum: But, we were just in here a moment ago, and she wasn’t here!

Scarlet: Yeah! What’s going on around here?

Plum: Yes, what is going on?

Scarlet: Oh, shut up, you horrid woman! I know you killed my Mustard baby!

Plum: I killed him!

Scarlet: Yeah! You were the one who was so mad at him, raving on like a lunatic about how he stole your husband’s theory, some ridiculous story! Why, Col. Mustard told me he got that money as a Veteran’s step-end from the government.

Plum: And I’ll bet you killed him so you could get your hands on that so-called STIPEND yourself, didn’t you?

Peacock: If anyone deserves that money, it’s me and my mother!

Scarlet and Plum: What?

Peacock: Yes, Col. Mustard was my father. He hasn’t paid his alimony in ages and ages, and my poor mother’s wasting away without a penny to fix her condition! He owes her thousands, and now he has it, and it could save her life, and he’s trying to sneak off to marry this trash and rob my mother once more! But not anymore, it’s too late for him, and for you (to Miss Scarlet) but not for my mother! She’ll have that money, she will. Because I killed Col. Mustard! (She runs out the door. Plum and Scarlet stand shocked.)

Merriweather: Pardon me for a moment, but what on earth was that all about?

Plum: Well, you see, you had disappeared and Col. Mustard was killed and

Merriweather: Col. Mustard was killed?

Scarlet: Yes, and you disappeared… You weren’t here just a few minutes ago. You were nowhere—we searched the whole house. Now just what’s going on here?

Plum: (spotting bit of White’s apron sticking out) What’s this? Pardon me, Mrs. Merriweather, your petticoat is showing. (Merriweather pulls away, apron comes out, wig falls off, so does drape, which Scarlet has an end of.)

Scarlet: Miss White!

Detective: (entering) What’s going on? I heard yelling. (Scarlet and Plum begin yelling at once.) Hold on, one at a time. Professor Plum, you first.

Plum: We’ve solved the case, detective! Miss White is Mrs. Merriweather, they’re the same person, or something…

Detective: Yes, I never had seen them at the same time before… Amazing, for nine years they’ve been able to pull that off… But what about Col. Mustard?

Scarlet: Ms. Peacock killed him! She admitted it! She was his stepdaughter, and she did it for the money for her mother’s operation. But she got away; she ran out the door.

Detective: She did? Well, quickly, let’s go look for her. She can’t have gotten far in this storm. Professor Plum, you take the front yard, Miss Scarlet, you take the back. I’ll look in the garage. Go! Quickly, I’ll be right behind you… (they exit. Detective pulls keys out of coat, removes coat to reveal Peacock’s outfit.) Think they can have a party without me, do they? Well, I guess they learned a lesson. There’s always a case for Detective Edwards! Even if she has to (breaking into Peacock’s voice) create it herself. Mwahahahahahahahaha!!!

(Miss White has been sneaking up behind Detective with rolling pin. She almost gets to her, but the Detective suddenly swings around, hits White squarely on head. She faints, Detective runs off, Plum and Scarlet re-enter, see White, look at each other, and shrug. They bow, run off. White gets up and bows, mumbling “See, it wasn’t the maid, I told you all along, but did you believe me? Noooo!” Exits. Detective/Peacock/Noir reenters sneakily, bows, exits quickly with gun. Green enters, looks around, still confused and unaware Mustard is dead, bows, exits. Mustard enters, dragging himself, gasps “I’m not quite dead yet!” and dies in the middle of the floor, then gets up and bows. Everyone else enters and bows a final time, then Allie, Sarah, and Grandma hit Liz over the head. She faints, and they bow one last time before dragging her off.)

THE END