The Kiwanos Are Coming!

And they know where you live...

Oh, sure, they LOOK like innocent fruits... And you know that even that's a lie. They sit in the fruit section at the store, but they don't look like fruits at all, much less innocent fruits! They are spiny and bright orange... have you ever seen a tree with such fruits? NO! Have you ever seen such colors naturally occuring in non-man-made organic anything? NOT A CHANCE! There are only two possibilities here: 1) A farmer on massive drugs accidentally planted an orange grove directly in between a porcupine breeding farm and a nuclear power plant and forgot to build a fence and was so high when he took his wares to market that he didn't even notice, and neither did the guy who bought it from him, the person who loaded the truck, the person who drove the truck to the store, the person who unloaded the truck, the person who set up the display, or the bag boy, and basically our entire food processing network is constantly loaded, or 2) The killer kiwanos from space are attempting to infiltrate our high security government buildings disguised as kiwano pie. I think it's pretty obvious which is the truth, and which is the lie perpetrated by the government to pull the wool over the eyes of the american public! Don't be fooled! Boycott Kiwanos!

I'm frightened, take me:

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