Krisp Kringle!


Who sings "Love Me Tender," and makes Christmas toys?

Santa's little Elvis.


Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?

"Rude"olph

What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

A cookie sheet!


What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?

Comet


What does the cow's holiday greeting?

Mooooory Christmas!



What does Santa likes to eat?

A jolly roll.


Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?

Deery Queen


What does Santa say when he is sick?

OH OH NO!


If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?

Missle toe


How does Santa Claus take pictures?

With his North Pole-aroid.

Santas had Enough.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land

mothers and fathers were taking a stand

"We're tired of this jolly old soul named St. Nick

getting the credit for the presents we picked!


Each year we go out and work off our butts

To pay for these presents we must have been nuts!

Well, we're mad as hell! We won't take anymore!

The time has come Santa to settle the score!


Pack your red bag and get back on your sleigh!

Clean up that mess Rudolph left, by the way!

We hung these stockings and we trimmed this tree!

We paid for these gifts with sweat so you see,


Go back to your sleigh and your nasty reindeer!

Things will be different, starting this year!

Don't smoke that pipe in my house tonight

and clean up that soot or there'll be a fight!


The cookies are mine this time little guy!

So don't bother to eat them! Need I say why?

Your round little belly that shakes in the night

is filled with cholesterol and too much Bud Light!


You don't fool me, you jolly old soul!

So get it in gear and head back to the pole!"

We heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,

"Tell those snotty nosed brats, it has been no delight!


They pulled on my beard! They spit in my face!

They peed on my suit! It's been a disgrace!

I needed a break from this job anyway!

The hours are rough, not to mention the pay!


So I think we'll head South, soak up some sun,

so tell all those brats, I'm finished! I'm done!"

As he jumped in his sleigh and headed out of sight,

we heard him tell Rudolph, "TURN OFF THAT DAMN LIGHT!"





Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
(To The Tune Of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer)

Rudolph the red nosed wino,

Had a very shiny nose,

And if you got too close to him,

He would take off his clothes.

All of the other winos,

Used to laugh and call him names,

They never let poor Rudolph,

Join in any wino games.

Then one chilly Christmas Eve,

Rudolph froze to death in an alley.

End of story.

Twas the Night before Christmas !

It was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode

Only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.

The Children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,

While visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.


The dad was snoring infront of the TV,

With a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.

So only mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,

Which made her sigh. "Now what痴 the matter?"


With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,

She descended the stairs and saw the old man.

He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug,

"Oh great, " muttered mom, " Now I have to clean the rug."


"Ho-ho-ho!"cried Santa, "I知 glad youre awake."

"Your gift was especially difficult to make."

"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."

"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I致e made you a clone."


"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?"

"Run along, Santa, I致e no time for chit-chat."

Look I've made this special twin.

Same hair, same eyes, same double chin.


"She値l cook, she値l dust, she値l mop every mess.

You値l relax, take it easy watch The Young & the Restless."

"Fantastic!" the mom cheered, "My dream come true!

"I値l shop, I値l read, I値l sleep the whole night through."


From the room above, the youngest began to fret,

"Mommy?! I scared, and I知 wet."

The clone replied," I知 coming, sweetheart."

"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."


The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,

As she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.

"You the best mommy ever." " I really love you."

The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."


The mom frowned and said, " sorry Santa, no deal."

"That痴 my child痴 love, she痴 trying to steal."

Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear,

Only on loving mother is need here."


The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.

"Thank you Santa, for clearing my head.

I sometimes forget, it won稚 be very long,

When they値l be too old, for my cradle-song."


The clock on the mantle began to chime,

Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."

With the clone by his side, Santa said, "Goodnight,

Merry Christmas, Mom, you値l be all right."





The Net Before Christmas!

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the nets

Not a mousie was stirring, not even the pets.

The floppies were stacked by the modem with care

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.


The files were nestled all snug in a folder

The screen saver turned on, the weather was colder.

And leaving the keyboard along with my mouse

I turned from the screen to the rest of the house.


When up from the drive there arose such a clatter

I turned to the screen to see what was the matter.

Away to the mouse I flew like a flash,

Zoomed open a window in fear of a crash...


The glow from the screen on the keyboard below

Gave an electronic luster to all my macros.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear

But a little sleigh icon with eight tiny reindeer


And a tiny disk driver so SCSI and quick

I knew in a nano it must be Saint Nick.

More rapid than trackballs his cursors they came,

He whistled and shouted and faxed them by name.


"Now Flasher! Now Dasher! Now Raster and Bixel!

On Phosphor! On Photon! On Baudrate and Pixel!

To the top of the stack. To the top of the heap."

Then each little reindeer Made a soft beep.


As data that before the wild electrons fly,

When they meet with a node, mount to the drive,

So up to the screentop the cursors they flew

With a sleigh full of disks and databits, too.


And then in a twinkling I heard the high whine

Of a modem connecting at a baud rate so fine.

As I gazed at the screen with a puzzling frown

St. Nicholas logged on though I thought I was down.


He was dressed all in bytes from header to footer

And the words on the screen said "Don't you reboot 'er."

A bundle of bits he had flung on his back

And he looked like a programmer starting his hack.


His eyes how they glazed, his hair was so scary,

His cola was Jolt, not flavored with cherry.

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a GIF

And the pixels of his beard sure gave me a lift.


The stump of a routine he held tight in his code

And I knew he had made it past the last node.

He spoke not a word but looked right at me

And I saw in a flash his file was .SEA.


He self-decompressed and I watched him unfold,

Into a jolly old elf, a sight to behold.

And the whispering sound of my hard drive's head

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.


He went straight to his work without saying a word

And filled all the folders of this happy nerd.

And 'tis the whole truth, as the story is told,

That giving a nod up the window he scrolled,


He sprang to the serial port as if truly on fire

And away they all flew down the thin copper wire.

But I heard him exclaim as he scrolled out of sight

"Happy Christmas to All, and to all a good night."

Twas the Night Before Christmas?
T'was the night before Christmas,

I just couldn't sleep.

So I hopped out of bed

and downstairs I did creep.


I went to the kitchen

in search of a bite.

If I filled up my stomach,

perhaps I'd sleep tight.


The cupboard was empty

the fridge, it was bare.

I searched but I couldn't

find food anywhere.


I looked out the window:

Streets covered with snow

at two in the morning--

just where could I go?


I spied my computer,

I just go boot-up that.

I'll take me online

for some Christmas Eve chat.


The modem connected

without a delay!

In the blink of an eye,

I'd be chatting away.


But-----no voice bid me "Welcome"

or said: "You've got mail."

And I thought now's a bad time

for my sound card to fail.


My buddy list opened

with not even one name.

Is everyone sleeping?

Well, I'll go play a game.


I couldn't get into

Out Of Order or Slingo.

Strike A Match wouldn't work--and

neither did Bingo!!!!!!


The chat rooms were empty!

I thought: Wow--that's just great?

AOL picked a fine time

for another update.


IM's weren't working.

My mail wouldn't send.

I felt so alone.

Couldn't find just one friend.


But wait! What's that sound?

Did I just hear a chime?
There's someone else out there.

Somebody's on-line!


In wonder---I read:

"Hey---it's 3:53.

Your friends are all sleeping

that's where you should be".


"Turn off that 'puter.

Take your hand off that mouse.

I have a few things

to drop off at your house".


"You know I can't stop there

while you're still awake.

I have schedules to keep.

Come on----Give Me A Break!"


If you really are Santa

(that jolly, old elf)

there's only one present

I'd wish for myself.


The folks on my buddy list.

Those friends far and near.

You just gather them up

and bring them right here.


In just a few hours

I awoke with a start.

It was only a dream--I sighed

heavy of heart.


I walked down the stairs

and there 'round my tree,

were all of the people

I thought I'd never see.


We laughed and we {{{{{{{{{{hugged}}}}}}}}}}}

and we just had a ball.

Hmmmmmm--maybe that wasn't

a dream after all.


So listen up people

this secret I'll tell:

I've found the real Santa---

---he's on A O L!!!!






Top Ten Signs you've Hired a Bad Department Store Santa !

10. He recently starred in film called The Full Santy.

9.Asks all the mothers, "How 'bout a little lap action for mommy?"

8.Was recently suspended from NBA for choking his coach.

7.Beard catches on fire whenever he lights his crack pipe.

6.Every few minutes, his beard rustles, and you hear a muffled meow.

5.When kid asks for a bike, he says, "Good luck -- your parents look like cheap-ass bastards."
4.He's doubled over, gasping for breath, after the second "Ho."

3.Amuses kids by demonstrating the "sleeper hold" on an elf.

2.His "beard" consists of a dozen styrofoam peanuts glued to his face.

1.Always starts off by asking, "You ain't Jewish, are ya?"





Christmas 2



Christmas 3

Rudolph Snow Applet

If you have enjoyed this page, why not send it to a friend?

To:	Enter e-mail address
Subject:	Check out this awesome site I Love this site, check it out One of my favourite pages! This site RULZ Bookmark this URL and return often Pick a subject
Your Name: