While it may seem like an impossibility, aliens can and will someday attempt to take over our planet. There are several reasons aliens may attack us: out of jealousy of our happiness and thriving enviornment, to steal our resources, or to have fun and mess with our heads a bit. Whatever the reason you will need to be prepared. I present the Alien Invasion Survival Guide
The first step in surviving an alien invasion is preperation. To prepare you should have a small bag or box in an easy to access area filled with special Alien Invasion Survival Equiptment. Your Alien Invasion Survival Kit should contain:
At first glance this list may appear incomplete or irrelivant but I assure you, this is all you will need to survive an apocolyptic invasion.
Recognizing Warning Signs
When an invasion eventually comes (which is will) you will need to recognize the signs that point to a hostile alien takeover.
If you see alien lifeforms hopping out of a spacecraft this may be a sign of an invasion.
Or if you spot a strange spacecraft that appears to be abducting other human beings this is also a key factor in determining if an invasion is occuring.
Warning: Although it may seem like a good idea at the time, placing tin foil on your head is not an intelligent idea. Do NOT under any circumstances put tin foil on your head, it makes you look like an enourmous chrome nipple. The aliens will just laugh at your silly nipple shaped head.
Another Warning: Don't drink poison either. That's just stupid.
If aliens manage to enter your house (you idiot) then there are several worst case scenario tactics you might employ to stay safe from hostile alien abduction. Such as hiding under a table.
An even better idea is hiding in the bath tub.
But experts agree. The best choice is probably just to get the hell out of there.
Aliens may probe pipelines in your house which may cause a burst in the sewer system. If you smell a foul oder blame it on the dog.
This oder is recognizeable by smelling a lot like a hippie.
Invasions can be stressful, especially for the younger ones. Invasions are particularly stressful for babies, because, well, they aren't particularly bright.
Hopefully this guide has helped you to survive the alien invasion. If you are in need of a guide on Alien Abduction I suggest you look somewhere besides in a survival guide. You're screwed. Better luck next time you quitter.
