No one ever loved jingle bells. I hate jingle bells. Every time christmas rolls around all I hear is jingle bells. Jingle bells here, jingle bells there, blah blah blah blah jingle jingle jingle! It's enough to drive even an elf insane. Oh yeah, Santa's elves suck too. They are short and pudgy, not tall an neato like Legolas or Elrond. All they do is make toys. Stupid tiny oompa loompa slaves.
Jingle bells is a terrible song. But have you realized that you only here one section of the lyrics? Only the first verse? Why are we deprived of the later verses of such a blood curdelingly terrible song? It's because the other lyrics suck and whoever wrote them was getting drunk and couldn't find their way inside from the snow.
Lets have a look at a few of the unheard lyrics of jingle bells...
I thought I'd take a ride
And soon Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
Any verse in any song with reference to "fanny" or using the word "fanny" in any form or context whatsoever should be immidietly forgotten from all time and history forever.
Go it while you're young,
Take the girls along
Oh! This is why we don't sing the other verses! Because if you aren't specifically thinking about Christmas, snow and jollyness, and a small portion of your mind is somewhere else, than this is a good part in the song to giggle!
Sing this sleighing song.
If "Sleighing Song" weren't written out, and only sung aloud it would sound exactly like "Slaying Song" which is a song about harming people in distictly violent ways. Although that would be a fun song, jingle bells unfortunutely has nothing to do with senseless violent acts. Bad word choice.
Just bet a bob-tailed bay,
Two-forty as his speed,
Hitch him to an open sleigh
and crack! You'll take the lead.
This part was left out too, because no one knows whats going on. It sounds like something going really fast attatches someone to a sled and then whips them so they win a race. May just be vivid imagery, but no one is ever sure enough to sing it.
To replace theese awefull verses from this awefull song I will write my own version of jingle bells for everyone to sing on christmas.
Jingle bells, jingle bells
This song really sucks
The lyrics are bad
The words don't fit
It doesn't even rhyme
O, Jingle bells, jingle bells
This song really sucks
The meter is awefull
The stanzas are abismal
But sing it anyways
Everyone agrees that my version of jingle bells is a good change of pace.
