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Here he is again. I don't really know who this child is. He is slow, naive and cold. Unbelievably cold... I do not know why. He is weak, and does not understand me. He is, however, extremely sharp. He has things with him that I want. I think I used to have some of these things. I miss them now. Seeing them reminds me. He cares so much about me, this child. He wants to be so much like me. But I seem to have disappointed him somehow. He may not understand me, but I love him.
Suddenly a Shattering Scream the world breaks and falls. I had frozen everything, with a dangerous plan. What if you stop the world and let yourself grow alone? No distractions, no evils just pure silent growth. Unimaginable gains less than signifigant losses. With everything else coming back now I open my new naked eyes. The world is the same, I am not.
Let us stop everything for a moment. As things decelerate, the future vanishes. It is a liquid thing, and without proper mixing, it becomes thick and stagnant. Unapproachable at that. In this freeze, we see the past. It is crystal in its legacy, sitting idly as it has been. Here, however is the part we all missed. Now, with the future stuck and useless, the past begins to churn. No longer is it a grim rock behind us, unyielding and dauntless. It becomes soft. Vulnerable to your thoughts. You can see things you could not before, after clawing away the brittle exterior. Inside of that, everything is clear. "Well?" What do I advise? Find your friends. See what they really did. It won't be long now. Things will soon return to normal. Your life will go on. The future will consume your life again, as it always does. Everybody in your life will warn you. "The future is paramount!" But you might think twice about this. For the past shall follow you always and everywhere regardless.
The screaming aspect has changed my mind today. I admit it, my plan has fallen apart. I've lost everybody in the mess I created. Friends and enemies conjoined. Appearances distorted in some sort of perpetual abomination. Everything turned around naturally because I tried too hard. Effort is not something I'm used to. Classic. My search continues now. The stage is the same. New ideas, new strengths, another lesson learned. A lot of me was left behind. Here before you is what remains. Nothing is over yet.
There has been a great shift; A return to the past. An ancient habit, a forgotten way. The silence. Unique and Solitary Power. My own understanding of the matter is poor. It was once very familiar to me, but I was never one for studying history. My own past seems an exception, but I tend not to look that far back. Too much was different then. As this trick continues, I lose more and more people. I continue to see my own impetus. Growth. There is no ending in sight. Nor comradery. Now that I have grappled with all of my problems, swallowed all of my new skills, and my new wisdoms are burned into place, I am ready to leave this place. For I do indeed Recall another.
Gone now I understand that nothing was true about her. A strange but somehow visible riddle tightly contained in a lie. I never understood what would be worth hiding like that and why would she lie to me? Now it is clearly lit with the new weapons I have keenly slicing this lie into ribbons and solving your ancient riddle. Exposed and naked. I will take my leave of this problem. Sword now shouldered I make the long and lonely journey back to where I belong. My former strengths await the additional might of my recent power. I wonder how soon it shall be.
I can't believe it has been storming for 63 hours. I keep ducking between buildings to stay a little drier. But reverserain is unavoidable. I clench tight to me what I need. The only thing that I need. I need. After holding onto it for so long people get upset or even mad and I must carefully remind them of what happened earlier on. One or two people seem to remember anyway. That's okay. It is the sort of thing that is written to be impossible. I think that maybe I have done better than one should be able to. I do not really care to worry about the reason. I just want to get home on time. I stop and see two of my friends one looking upset and serious the other crying into a cup of warm cocoa. I cannot hear anything over the rain. The faces... The eyes. It's much more than enough. The one question I can truly answer is the one I was never asked. Moving on into the night, I see again a strange and familiar man. Why, he looks as I do. Same bleak expression. Same black hair. But he is not me. He is stronger. He is more dangerous, maybe a little older. I have been waiting for you. I knew what he wanted. It didn't take very long. He knew exactly what I'd try to do. I saw him walking away with it. I feel comfortable now. I can let go and smell the void.
Imagination causes problems. If you can hold onto everything you had, keep your mouth shut. Often demanded truths will, contrary to the request, turn those close to you away from you. It is very difficult to accept that the truth might be what you hold and not what is being handed to or thrown at you.
I worry less often now. With chronic failure comes resistance. It is a losing battle that need not be stretched thinner, for my mind will snap. Just as yours once did. I am always fighting. I have always fought. I will always fight. Is there any sort of resolution? What I wanted was closer to me than ever before. I could taste it! But of course it could not be so. Je ne réussi jamais. Je ne réussissais jamais. Je ne réussirais jamais. You can be afraid. Do not be afraid for me. I might die, stop, or even vanish. But even if you think it just might, such things do not matter at all. He who dies alone never lived. I am always changing. I have always changed. I will always change.
