CONGRATULATIONS!!! You are one of the luckiest people in the world! You see, you are one of the VERY FEW people to receive this SPECIAL email...it's equipped with a tracking device that will record your email address. In just days you will be receiving $1,000,000 dollars!!!
Okay, okay. So there's isn't REALLY a tracking device attached to this email...see the email was really started by this big corporation. Yeah. A RICH big corporation. They're so rich, they hired a PSYCHIC who, just by merely touching the computer screen, can tell them who this very email has been sent to...and send them $1,000,000!!!
You're not believing that, huh? Alright fine. I'll tell you the REAL purpose of this email. You see, right now in Ethiopia, 23 children are dying of hunger. Now, I know that 23 doesn't seem like very many...but when you consider the present population of Ethiopia, 23 kids is like 75% of their total population! But there is hope, and you can help. By passing along this email, you will automatically be donating enough money to feed 23 Ethiopian children for a whole week! Isn't that amazing? And it's free of charge! How does this remarkable technology work? I don't know! But trust me, it does!!!
Alright, not believing that one either, huh? Well I wasn't gonna tell ya this...but it seems that I have to resort to my last resort (hey, it's what it's there for, right?). I have a very tragic story to tell you. It's so tragic, that this email is being sent along in the hopes that enough people will read it to be warned and protect themselves against this happening to them. You see, it all started out one night when a young girl was left home alone while her parents went out to eat for their anniversary. Everything was fine and dandy until around 11PM. While the young girl was watching dirty porn in the living room (hey, it was on Showtime!!!), a little old lady snuck in the back door of the house. Now this little old lady may have LOOKED innocent...but she was not. Oh no. First, the little old lady stole all of the brownie mix out of the pantry. Then, she proceeded to stuff her girdle FULL of all the household cleaning products. How scandelous! Finally, she tiptoed into the living room, grabbed the young girl, and tied her up. Well what would you do if a little old lady had just grabbed you and tied you up? You'd scream to high heaven is what you'd do! And so the girl screamed...and screamed...and screamed...until finally the little old lady's hearing aid bust and she couldn't take the screaming anymore. So the little old lady whipped out her travel cheese grater and skinned the poor girl alive. Before she left the house, she hung the young, skinless girl from the dining room chandelier. Tragic, isn't it? Now, the point of telling you this story was for you to pass it along to EVERYONE you know so that they won't leave their young children alone in the house while their gone...or they may be hanging from the chandelier when they get home.
Okay, okay. It's true...I was just having fun with that story. The real point of this email was to tell you what a wonderful, caring, loving, and amazing friend you are. Y'know, flatter you until you become overly conceited and all. Here's a little poem I wrote JUST for you!
roses are red
violets are blue
you're my best friend
I BETTER BE YOURS TOO!
Okay people. Obviously, the point of this email was to get you to stop sending me stupid forwards. Actually, most of my ideas came from the stupid forwards you have sent me...so now you see the reason for my email. And I know that some of you that I sent this to HAVEN'T ever sent me forwards at all...but I sent it to you anyway for you to use against the people that send them to you. Besides...I just thought it was kinda humorous =). Well anyways, for those of you who have sent me stupid forwards in the past (you KNOW who you are!) here is what will happen to you if you DARE to send me YET ANOTHER forward of any kind:
If you ever send me another forward of any kind, you will definitely regret it. If you attempt to get around my threat by using an email address I don't know...I will be forced to employ the services of the psychic from the big rich corporation to hunt you down. Once I determine the culprit of this horrible crime...I will stab you repeatedly with a fork until you die, skin your body with a MOLDY cheese grater, and turn you over to the evil little old lady who will feed your dead corpse to the starving children in Ethiopia. Now, as much as I know you like helping the poor...I really don't think you'd enjoy that, would you?
Well I hope I've discouraged you all from EVER sending me ANY forwards...as well as humored you a bit. Hehe...bye for now!
