*~*Lance Bass*~*
*~*Lance Bass*~*
Full Name: James Lance Bass
Birthdate: May 4, 1979
Birthplace: Laurel, Mississippi
Height: 5 ft. 10 in. (or around 1.79 m, for you metric system junkies)
Current Residence: Orlando, FL
Family: Mother Diane and father Jim; older sister Stacy
Nicknames: Lansten, Scoop, Laid-Back, Mississippi Albino, Stealth (because when he eyes a girl, he "stalks the prey before going in for the kill." Don't we have restraining orders to stop psychos like him?)
Hobbies: Playing video games, rock climbing, sky diving, weight training, karate, collecting Taz stuff
Favorites:
-T.V. Shows: Mad About You and Friends
-Movie: Mortal Kombat
-Actor and Actress: Tom Hanks and Lucille Ball
-Author: Ellie Wiesel
-Food: French toast
-Sports: Swimming and baseball, but he sure ain't a baller
Dislikes: Mushrooms and "people who pre-judge you"
What does he drive?: Is currently car-free; his dream car is a cherry red Toyota 4-Runner (Why??? You have money, Lance -- aim higher, dammit! I hear Corvettes are pretty nice...)
Religion: Baptist
What's underneath those pants (besides the obvious...): Tazmanian devil boxers. Yummy.
Disgusting Habits: Bites his nails and spits those babies out; never cleans his room
Proudest body part: His eyes; he really digs that Siberian Husky look
Greatest Musical Influence: Garth Brooks
Famous chicks he thinks are hotties: Jennifer Aniston, Sarah Michelle Gellar
Other weird stuff: Flares his nostrils without realizing it
What he looks for in a woman: "I like German girls!" Gee, that pretty much eliminates 98% of the female race. Hey, if you're blond, you might have a chance. Actually, in a later interview, he broadened his standards: "Someone who could take a joke and is fun to be with - someone adventurous like me who's willing to go parasailing and stuff. And also someone who's loving and cute."
Don't touch me!: Lance absolutely hates it when people touch or pat him on his back. Does this mean it's okay to touch his front?
So what makes him so darn special?
Hailing from the South, he's just a good ol' country boy who loves grits and lusts for women with huge lips and big hair. Oops -- I was talking about Bill Clinton over there... didn't mean to go off on a tangent. Sorry about that. Originally from Laurel, Mississippi, Lance "Lansten" Bass is no stranger to the performing arts; as a child, he was a member of the Mississippi Show Stoppers and Attache, a nationwide-touring choir. (And let's not forget the infamous Poo Foo gig... Poo Foo? Poo Foo? Where are you? Please come out and play...) Despite the obvious talent that was budding in the young basso profondo, Lance had hoped to pursue a career in space administration instead. Of course, we all know that our good buddy Justin was successful in plucking the hayseed away from his hometown of Clinton, MI and, along with the rest of the guys, persuading Lance to join the group. (Can you imagine what 'N SYNC would have been like without Lance? Oh, yes... it's 'N SYC, those sissy falsettos that sound like they were castrated... mother of creatures, big and small -- they're about to SING! Run my children, save yourselves!) Self-described as laid-back and somewhat shy, Lance is often uncomfortable around strangers; however, he never fails to shed this taciturnity when surrounded by familiar faces. "Um, yeah, uh, he is quite the party animal," fellow 'N SYNCer Joey Fatone says of Lance. (Eloquently said, Joey.) He is an especially good listener, but gets irked when no one is listening to him. I remember watching an interview of 'N SYNC on T.V. and I think he said... oh, I forgot. Guess I wasn't listening.
Observations
~ Is it just me, or does that boy point his finger a lot? If you haven't noticed, he likes wagging his index finger at the audience when he performs. (Didn't his mother teach him not to point?)
~ If you've seen him dance on stage, he really doesn't do a whole lot of dancing. It seems like while the other guys are jumping and doing stunts, Lance is sort of walking around and shuffling his feet a little. But hey -- I'm not complaining.
~ For those of you who saw the Disney Channel In Concert special, did you catch the part where Lance says "We love our fans," and then has his bodyguard pull away a fan who just wants a hug? Can you say "hypocrite?"
~ Since he is from Mississippi, could his parents possibly be... cousins? Inbred children tend to have more health problems; maybe that's why Lance is so darn pale.
~ Speaking of pigmentation problems, did you know that albinos have very short life spans? Let's just hope that our precious Lancey-poo here doesn't drop dead on us anytime soon.
~ Nice eyebrows. Does he shave or pluck 'em?
~ So he says Lansten is his nickname? Sssheeeah, RIGHT! Sounds like Lance had to pull any ol' nickname out of thin air just so he could provide the other "N" for the name 'N SYNC.
~ This doesn't really count as an observation, but it's one of my favorite quotes so bear with me here; when asked by a Polish interviewer whether or not he has experimented with cigarettes and alcohol, Lance said, "I don't remember. It seems that I have a bad memory." Real smart way to cover it up, dude. Wait till your parents find out about the late-night binge drinking -- oops, I think I've said too much already.
~ This next observation comes courtesy of Jess (wazzup, girl?); at the very end of the "Tearin' Up My Heart" video, Lance intends to point his finger once again at drooling girly fans as if to say, "Come 'ere, baby." Instead, he uses the wrong finger (oops!) and ends up flipping us off. Yeah... those finger gestures sure do attract the ladies, Lance.
~ Another tidbit from JLC and Celena: Lance sure does like using good ol' Mississippi as an excuse for everything, eh? Take a look for yourself: -Disney Channel In Concert Special: "Well, I've always loved horseback riding. I'm from Mississippi so there's lots of horses to choose from." -FANatic: "My inspiration's, entertainment wise, Garth Brooks 'cuz I'm from Mississippi."
*~*Straight From Our Mouth's*~* Okay, now I really have something to gripe about. The thing he said about people who "pre-judge" really bothers me because I think it is completely and utterly human to "pre-judge" people. Why else would first impressions be so important? Let's examine this hypothetical situation: if a really skanky, scantily clad chick throws herself at Lance, would Lance be thinking, "I don't know this young lady, so I won't pre-judge her," or would he have some, er... other thoughts in his mind? I think you get my point. It's completely natural for a person to pre-judge new stimuli; it's actually an automatic chemical process that occurs within the human brain. So if Lance really hates people who "pre-judge" him, he should pretty much hate the entire human race! Heck, if you're reading this, Lance, I know a little squirrel named Timmy who lives in the golf course by my house. Maybe I'll introduce him to you sometime; Timmy won't pre-judge you. Still, I have to admit that Lance is my favorite of the group. Although I'm sure the rest of the guys are nice folks too, it seems like Lance is the most genial and modest of the group. He is the last person I would expect to get an inflated ego. Honestly, I don't know exactly why I think this; maybe it is because of the way he speaks or how he responds to his fans. (That is, if you ignore the bodyguard incident... see the Observations section above.) Nevertheless, humility is an invaluable quality that every person should have. Hmmm... Lance is my favorite, yet I'm the most critical of him... weird, huh?
Here's a fun tip from Us: Break into someone's computer (preferably one that belongs to your parents or any male chauvinist), and set this picture as the screen's wallpaper (tiled, of course). It'll scare the piss outta 'em.