A Lesson Learned
The most amazing thing happened during my meditation this evening. In order to properly explain it I feel you should know the general flow of my meditative process. So bear with me, this could be long...
First I light a candle and place it in front of me. Then I place four stones, one at each cardinal point. I perform a rhythmic breathing pattern and listen the drums within, relaxing my body from feet to head. I am seated cross-legged with my hands upon my knees, back-straight, head held high. When I am relaxed I beseech Wolf to join me and project myself outward.
Every time I land in the same place. It is a garden filled with all sorts of beautiful flowers and trees. A long gravel pathway winds through this beautiful menagerie of herbal life. The scents that fill the garden usually overwhelm me at first, until I can establish control. I trot down the path taking in the scents until I come to the same wooden bench. This bench is normally unoccupied. Down the path I can see a bend, and around it the magnificent timberwolf that guides me.
A hug is not too uncommon, and a touching of noses when we greet, then he turns and we talk while he leads me through the garden. Once in a while, when I have a particular problem he will turn aside into a forest and lead me to a very small circular glade. In the center is a small fire crackling and around the edges are four good sized logs. On one of these logs is a man I know simply as "Grandfather". He is a wizened old man smoking a classic peace pipe. I will sit next to the fire and ask questions, while grandfather listens and answers. They are always cryptic, but he always answers.
Then we run through the woods. Ah, the exhilaration of the wind in my face with my brothers and sisters at my side... there is always a pack when we run. Usually this ends it, we run for awhile, just enjoying the company and the pleasure of movement.
This time, though, Wolf led me straight from the garden to a secret place I have kept for 10 years. Over the years I have placed objects there to make it more comfortable. It's in a mountain glade next to a clear mountain stream, a forest lies to the right and a darker one to the left, in the background I can see the mountain peaks. The air is always crisp and clean, the water refreshing and I always come away feeling happy and alive. This time Wolf stopped me next to the well and told me I had something specific in my heart, and that I needed to ask, but for the answer I needed to clean up the human mess I had created in this sacred spot.
It was difficult erasing 10 years worth of comfort and care. It was a real struggle, because most of it did NOT want to go. There was an awful lot of pain involved, like letting go of a part of myself. After a long time the last of it finally went up in a puff of smoke.
Wolf grinned at me and said, "Now you are free of restraint, ask your question."
I thought for a minute, attempting to compose it properly. I knew this was not a question to be asked lightly.
"What lies in my heart? I need clarity, brother." I asked.
He chuckled and shook his head. "That is not your question," he told me.
I couldn't help but frown. Why had he brought me here, made me do what I did, and then tell me that my question was not my question? It made NO sense. I felt confused and told him so.
"You must seek the answer within yourself," he told me and rubbed my nose with his paw.
Again I frowned and thought, trying to clear my head. What could he be aiming at?
Seeing my confusion he chuckled again and nipped my haunch. Surprised I jumped and spun in circles. Then it hit me.
"What does the future hold with everything going on?" I asked, slightly embarrassed at skirting the issue. There is a slight bit of confusion in my life, a situation that i just can't seem to handle, and I've been desiring resolution for a while. But for some reason I found it difficult to mention in front of Wolf. Perhaps I was embarrassed at my lack of comprehension.
He smiled knowingly, lovingly and nodded then motioned me towards the river.
"The answer you seek lies within," he told me.
"Within the river?" asked I.
"At the edge of the river bed lie colored stones under the water," he nodded. "Draw four, on each will be a symbol. Study them and remember them for on these stones lie your answer. Afterwards, you must go and rest." With that he hugged me and ran into the woods.
I trotted up to the edge of the river and stared in. I could sense the sacredness of the place now, it was probably what drew me in the first place, but until I accepted who I am I couldn't recognize it. I almost cried and prayed for forgiveness for defiling it. Then I reached in and grabbed my four stones carefully arranging them in order on the ground in front of me. Despite my lack of artistic talent this is how they roughly appeared:
I puzzled at them, staring intently for the longest time. I struggled to recall knowledge of the various runes, in hopes that I could unlock this puzzle. They appeared Nordic, but never had I truly researched them and I felt like chasing my tail in frustration. Then it hit me...sudden inspiration if you will. One of the stones was turned wrong... it needed to look like this:
The answer to my question is "HOPE". I smiled. Happily I placed the stones carefully back into the river and ran swiftly back to the garden to follow Wolf's instructions. When I returned I climbed into bed and slept peacefully for several hours.
I learned a few lessons that were not included in this, but I think the most important of all is that there is always hope. No matter how sorrowful or difficult the situation there will always be hope, and as long as we hang on to that knowledge, we can always come up with the solution.
Walk in Light, Hunt in Shadow
