rAbId vOlEs dEsTroYinG tHe LivEs oF mAnY iNnOcEnT tUliPs....

~*~My Fanfictions~*~
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***Updated regularly**

A Parody of the Movie: the Lord of the Rings

"The Quest of the Ham and Cheese Sandwhich and the Ghetto Fellowship"

Be warned: I was bored and I had, had way to many cornflakes...

Prologue:

The World is changed...

I feel it in the waters...

I feel it in the earth...

I smell it in the air...

Much that once was is now lost, for none now live who remember it.

It began with the forging of the great Ham and cheese sandwhiches. Three were given to the elves: Immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the dwarf-lords: great miners and crafts men of the mountain halls. And nine. Nine ham and cheese sandwhiches were gifted to the race of men, who above all others desire power. For within these Ham and Cheese sandwhiches was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them decieved. For another Ham and Cheese sandwhich was made...In the the land of Bilo, in the fires of the Deli lunch counters, the Dark Lord Horseradish forged in secret a master Ham and Cheese sandwhich to control all others. And into this ham and cheese sandwhich he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life oh yea and his extremely potent mayonaise. This was the one Ham and Cheese sandwhich. The one ham and cheese sandwhich to rule them all, the one ham and cheese sandwhich to find them, the one ham and cheese to bring them all and in the darkness bites them!

One by one, free supermarkets of middle earth fell to the power of the Ham and Cheese sandwhich, But there were some who resisted. A last alliance of Bag boys and janitors marched against the armies of Bilo. And on the slopes of the deli lunch counters, they fought for the freedom of middle earth. Victory was near. But the power of the ham and cheese sandwhich could not be undone. Then suddenly the dark lord horsheradish appeared swinging his frying pan wildly. All the other stuff isn't really inportant because we all know that Isildur tries to defend his father, kills horse radish (or so he thinks...) and takes the ham and cheese sandwhich. Then the great bag boy, Elrond tries to get him to destroy it but Isildur just keeps it because he is a greedy, dirty, crazy, half-retarded, evil man! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! lol jk.... moving on...well anyway Isildur is killed by a landslide of tomatoe soup cans and he dies and ya know goes to a better place. Then some freaky toady froggy thing named Gollum who squats all of the time in this dark janitors closet with greasy hair and bug eyes finds the ham and cheese sandwhich and he goes into his mop bucket and squats..and squats..and squats some more and ponders what would happen if he could rule middle earth, his bug eyes gleaming, his spindly arms splashing in the grimy mop bucket water, his hands ringing out the mop and his teeth hungrily gnawing on the bucket. Yes! It isssssssss mine! My own...... my preciousssss! Gollum! So anyways.. no one knows wheree in the world that stupid ham and cheese sandwhich was except for gollum of coarse who is already half possessed by it and is pretty much screwed after squating in his mop bucket staring at it with his bug eyes for what? ten million years? (well, actually five hundred..) cuz we all know that the ham and cheese sandwhich gives you unnatural long life. Well, like no one really cared about lost myths and legends and stuff and all the great Managers governed their magnificent cities and Aisles and all of the bag boys tended their crops in the land of the produce, and all the janitors ate peas and corn and stuff so I guess everything was going smooth ya know until this dumbo, Dildo had to come along and find Gollum's ring in the janitors closet. Well, this little guy just totally screwed up everything. I mean he's only a hobbit, a very sneaky hobbit. So he took the ham and cheese sandwhich and killed Smaug and went home to his little shire and caused an uproar. You see the hobbits used to be sensible kind fellers and girlfellers, weeding cotton and growing corn on the cawb. But when Dildo and Goodhuff, the Old wizzer with an asthma problem due to smoking, got together and they started quite a party. Pretty soon all of Hobbiton turned into the hood where hobbits would come from far and wide across the vast feilds of the shire to get a taste of the wild hard knocked life of the ghetto. Hobbits didn't give a crap about the rest of middle earth so they just kinda stayed stubborn to everyone, and they protected their terrortoy and life just went on with out anyone knowing that Dildo had the one ham and cheese sandwhich. Now I will show you how the ham and cheese sandwhich came into a little hobbit, Froho's possesion.

Froho sucked on his pink sparklely gelpin deep in thought. How should he end his journal entry? “Oh I give up!” He pulled out a magazine and continued to sit under a big oak tree. “Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside round the outside. Two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside round the outside. Guess whos back. Back again. Goodhuffs back tell a friend guess whos back guess whos back…..” Good huff came up the path ridin' in his cadalac with the rims spinning trying to sing. Froho threw down his YM Magazine and ran up to meet goodhuff. “Your late” he said crossing his arms. A wizzer is never late Froho Buggins.” Said goodhuff “nor is he late he come whenever he feels like it. Or whenever” Froho and goodhuff started cracking up. Froho jumps into Good huff's ride and they cruise off along the hills of the shire. They pass by several hobbits screaming Goodhuff Goooodhuff! Goodhuff threw some pot over his shoulder and the hobbits screamed “thankyou goodhuff!” “thankyou!” “so hows it been hangin?” said froho. “o the ghetto goes on much as it has this past age full of its own crappyness, so how is the old dildo. I heard its gonna be a jumping partay.” “You know Dildo, he’s invited half the hood” said Froho. “that Pimp Daddy!” said goodhuff. “before you came along we, hobbits were very constapated” Said froho frowning. “all I did was give dildo a little bag of weed.” “well whatever you did you’ve been officially as a player.” “hey! Froho don’t playa hate!” “fo…sho..goodhuff..fo sho…” and with a chuckle goodhuff pulled his cadalac in the alley beside dildo’s crib and held out a bag of weed. Froho’s eyes went wide. “Good huff, I sho be glad u be back.” And he hopped out of goodhuffs ride clinging to his bag of crack. (note* haha i couldn't resist) Goodhuff parked his ride and the rims kept on spinnin katchin the sun light. Bling bling!” Goodhuff climbed up to Dildo’s gate that read: No admittance except on partayin buisniz. Gandalf strutted up the asphalt to dildo’s door and knocked. “We don’t want anymo’ Playas, hos, po folks or gang members!” shouted Dildo. ‘And what about very old homies?” “Goodhuff?” asked Dildo amazed. Dildo swings open door and whispers “Got any crack?” in a manic voice. “Now, Dildo.. you know you your tryin to quit….” “Man, you Mofo wizzer! Like you don’t be out there poppin joints!” and to prove Dildo’s point Goodhuff bangs his head on the ceiling. “Always knew you would have a stash somewhere.” Said Dildo letting out a hearty laugh. “Would you like some Corona? It was laid down by the man who works at Spinx on the counter round that Bagshot roe. Owned by the Gaffer you know. $12.96! Very good price! Almost as much as I can afford! Ha ha ha….” “Just Booze.. Thankyou.” Good huff walked around in Dildo’s living room until he found a map of the lonely toilet paper display. (lonely mountain). “Hey Dildo, hurry up with that booze!” Just then a hobbit banged on the door. “Dildo! Dildo Buggins!!!!!” “Oh crap! Goodhuff, I’m not in the crib!” said Dildo knocking over his chair. The Hobbit started singing “All my life been po’ but it really don’t matter no mo’…….” “We don’t accept po’ hobbits scrapin’ for dough get your sorry lame self outta here!” screamed Dildo. In the nick of time just when things started to get messy goodhuff threw open the door and stared down at the speechless hobbit. “Umm.. sir? Have you been on dope cuz’ yo head sho be up in da sky!” “I come from no one. They come from me its my life cuz the mo’ money we come across the mo’ problems we see….” Sang Goodhuff. “Man! You must be famouse or sumthin cuz, you be really big and all big and stuff.” “Can’t stop till I see my name on a blimp!” “Yo Goodhuff leave the po’ hobbitch alone and stop singin screwed up P-diddy.” Said Dildo pulling Goodhuff inside.“I’m sick and tired of these good for nuthin’ no brainer, lazy a…” “Dildo, easy on the lingo.” “Yeah all right whatever I want to see mountains again. Mountains Goodhuff! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my crack. In peace!” “So you mean to go through with the plan?” asked Goodhuff. “Yeah, I got it on lock down. I got everything packed up in my Benzito.” Said Dildo. “Froho knows your being naughty he knows you be up to something.” “Coarse He do, he’s a Buggins, he ain’t no crack head worth a penny from po’ mill.” “You gonna tell him? Is you?” “No” said Dildo. “Tell him!” “No!” “Tell him!” “No!” “Tell him!” “No!” “Tell Him!” “Ok” said Dildo with a sigh.”He’s your main squeeze, your home boy.” Said Goodhuff. “He probably go wit me if I asked. Which I wouldn’t besides he still be in love with the hood, it’s ABC packaging sto’s, the partays, the dough, the polluted little rivers." Dildo looked out the window. "Yup, that boy stayin’ here.” “You look like crap Dildo.” “Thanks, but I feel thin sort of..i dont know.. like too much booze for a little hobbit.” Said Dildo. “You said you was quittin’!” “Shutup you ol’ wizzer. I been clean for fo days!” “sho.. fo’ sho….” “I need a vacation, a very long pimp vacation and I ain’t comin’ back to this po’ ghetto.” Said Dildo. Later that night Dildo and Goodhuff sat on a hill littered with crack, weed and beer bottles. “Ol’ Toby, the hottest weed in the hood.” Dilbo said blowin’ out a smoke ring. “Sho……… is good.” Said Goodhuff.

Boom! A firecracker exploded and in the ghetto’s park the many hobbits danced to Jay-Z's “Big Pimpin” What a great party… Shamwise Gamcheese thought. He was watching Froho dance like a chicken. “I wish I could dance like that….” Just then Froho plopped down next to Sham and said “Go on Sham, Have a dance with Hosie” “I think I’ll just have another booze” said Sham. Then Froho got really mad and P.O.ed (PMS) and pushed Sham up to Hosie. They danced like half chickens and half lizards. “That Sham! He sure does know how to dance!” said Froho. While everyone was breakin’ it down Maury and Pimpin where trying to find the biggest firecracker. “No, No! that one you mofo!” said Maury. Pimpin scrambled (no he didn’t make eggs…) off the cart and for five whole seconds they stood there staring at the firecracker in awe. “Whoah……” they both said. They dragged the firecracker all over the party for about an hour looking for the perfect spot to launch it. Finally they decided to put it in a very small claustrophobic tent. “Your supposed to stick it in the ground!” "It was your idea crack head!" The fire cracker launched off and knocked over several hobbits as it soared over the park and up into the sky. "Dildo! Watch out for the butterfly!" cried Froho trying to pull Dildo down. "Butterfly? Whats a butterfly?" Then the firecracker butterfly thingie exploded into all these random colors and Maury and Pimpin said "whoah...trippy..." Then Good huff pulled them up by the ears and said Mauryioduck Brandychuck and Pimpingrin Kook I should have knowed..." Maury and Pimpin exchanged a furtive look. "o well forget about it" said Goodhuff dropping them "whoah whats he been smoking?" asked Pimpin. Dildo took a stand and muttered "It be my hundredeth and levenetheth birfday." "yay!!" shouted a random hobbit. "Im blowing this poopcicle joint!" said Dildo the he squeezed his ham and cheese sandwhich and disapeared! "yay!" all the Hobbits screamed. Dildo raced along the path, invisible, laughing wildly about rabid voles destroying the lives of many innocent walrusses. Then he stumbled on a rock. "Rock! How dare you!" He kicked the rock. "Ow! O yea!? Well, you just wait till I go to payless!!" Dildo continued running back to his crib. He swung open the door, already hanging off of two hinges and slammed right into Goodhuff. "ha! I beat you! na na! I bet you thought your dissapearing act at that party was trippily funny!!" said Goodhuff. "Well, ya actually I did." replied Dildo. "So did I.." "Fo sho..fo sho..." "Well, that may be all all cool and trippy and funny and crap, but Ham and Cheese sandwhiches are evil!!!!!" Good huff snathched the Ham and cheese sandwhich from Dildo and threww it on the floor. Her started whacking it with his staff. "AHHH bad ham and cheese sandwhich DIE!!!" sctreamed Goodhuff. "Dildo backed away from Goodhuff in complete astonishment. "Uh yea...I'll just be, hitting the block now." Dildo runs out of his house and down the asphalt path where he trips over his gate. He then gets up and runs as fast as an old Hobbit with arthritis can go for the big pimpin' house in Rivendale. Goodhuff hit the ham and Cheese sandwhich a few minutes longer and stares at the thing to see what progrees hes made. Goodhuff is confused to see that the Ham and cheese sandwhich is not damaged, only a tiny bit of extremey potent mayonaise is goozing around the sides steaming hot. He decides to look into the origin of the Sandwhich as soon as he leaves. "But first I must raid Dildo's fridge and sit in his comfy chair."

Froho enters Dildo's crib and picks up the ham and cheese sandwhich from its place on the floor. He sees good ol' goodhuff sitting in Dildo's chair. "Where be my Dildo?" "Ah! Frodo, I uh! I didnt do anything, I mean I dont know anythign. Uh.. Didlo went away. I must leave now." said Goodhuff. Good huff grabbed his food and ran out the door. Froho inspected the Ham and Cheese sandwhich. "O well, I'll just keep it secret, I'll just keep it safe." Froho hid it in a chest where Dildo had kept all of his stolen bling bling from some guy in the maffia names Smaug. Froho decided to take a shower and powder his nose before Goodhuff reterned. In the shower he sang. "Some people wait a lifetime for A moment like this, some people search forever for that one special kiss, ooooh I cant believe its happening to me, ohh moment like this ohh I cant believe its happening to me..." Just as he started the final chorus he heard a knock outside in the den. "Oh goody! It must be goodhuff!" Froho got so excited he jumped out of the shower and into the den completely naked. "Ooopsies!" "Well, I dont see good huff, I dont taste him I dont feel him and I shure dont smell him so where is he? O well it must have just been a toady froggy bird on the open window sill. Froho skipped back to the bathroom and continued to sing in the shower. "But baby I dont wanna dont wanna try no more tell me whats the use of holding on when all we do is hurt our love. You and me had many conversations on the telephone talked about one day having a place of our on.." Little did he know there was not just a toady froggy bird on the open window sill there was also little Sham. Froho had no idea of coarse and he turned off the shower and got out and put on his favorite boxers, the ones with little pink pigs on them. "Oh! Poo! My towel just got sucked down the drain! and my perm just washed out." he ran his fingers through his hair. " Ugh! Elle Woods was so right." Froho walked into the den soaking wet leaving a trail of water behind him on the floor he walked over to the fridge. "I think I'll have a bananner!" As Froho paced around the den with his nanner in his hand little Sham lifted up his Binoculars breathing deep raspy nreaths. Just then Goodhuff popped outta nowhere. "Whanna bite?" asked Froho shoving the banana in Good huff's face. "He ignored the question and asked. "is it secret? Is it safe?" "Yea buddy! You mean the Ham and-" "Nooooooooooooo! Froho dont say it's name." "So If I say Ham and Chee-" Goodhuff grabbed the nanner and stuffed into Frohos mouth. He spat it out. "So if I like say it three times in front ofa mirror, in the dark, three times the candy man will come to kil me?" asked froho quite seriously. Goodhuff just looked at him. "Umm well its over there then." Froho said pointing to the chest. Good huff took out the Ham and cheese sandwhich and threw it into the fire. "Oh My Walrusses!!!" Froho screamed. "Its ok Froho" Goodhuff snached up the thongs sry i meant tongs laying on the mantle and pulled the Ham and cheese sandwhich out of the fire. "Now hold out your pants froho." "Ok if you say so. Froho held out his pants while Good huff placed the One Ham in cheese sandwhich inside of them. "OWWWIE!!" "Now take it out." Froho obeyed. "What do you see?" said Goodhuff, his left eye twitching. "I see a Monkey looking at me!" "No Froho on the." then he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Ham and cheese sandwhich." Froho gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth his eyes wild with exitement. "Goodhuff! Now the candy mans gonna-" "FROHO!!! WHAT DOES THE SANDWHICH SAY!!!?!?" "Oh it says.." Froho squinted his eyes. "It says: Made in China!" "Any thing else?" "Ummmmmmmmmm.... o yea, there are markings. They said: Take a bitebut be warned this sandwhich bites back. This is the one ring of Horseradish!" "It is as I feared" sighed Goodhuff. Froho and Goodhuff sat down together and popped open a can of cola because Froho was stayin' clean. Then Goodhuff explained about the origin of the sandwhich and all that nice stuff. With every minute Froho's eyes grew rounder. "Son! Poke yo eyes back in before they pop out!" exclaimed Goodhuff. "Ok now we gotta find Dildo! Pack yo bags Froho you'se a' goin' on a bear hunt!" "yay!" said Froho doing the chicken dance. Just thenthey heard a noise out side of the window. "Get down Froho you mofo!!" said Goodhuff walkin' over to the window with his staff raised. He knocked the creature on the head and pulled him inside by the coller. "What did you hear?!" demended goodhuff. "I didn't do nuthin' or hear nuthin' I was just watchin' Froho eat a nanne rin his boxer shorts waiting for him to invite me inside but he never does, I dont think he likes me maybe-" "Shamwise Gamcheese!! Did you hear anything!?" Gandalf roared his eye twitching again. "Alls I heard was was that you was like gonna destroy the one Ham and cheese sandwhich in the very bowels of Bilo and if you dont we are all doomed to death!! said Sham hyperventilatimg.

A Draco and Hermione Fanfic

rated pg

The Blue text is from Draco's point of view and the Red text is from Hermione's point of view.

The last and by far the most stifling night of the summer was drawing to a close over London. The stars shone through a haze of clouds and the sun was just rising on the horizon. It was the dawn of a new day. Inside the bedroom of a large white house a girl called Hermione rolled over and dreamt of her first day back to school. The popping of grease on the frying pan woke her up. She stretched and tried to remember her what had made her dream so good. She sighed. She could never hold on to a dream long enough to reminisce about it. “Hurry down for breakfast, pumpkin! We need to be at platform 9 and 3 quarters by 9 o clock!”

“Draco! The train leaves in ten minutes! Hurry on, through the barrier!” called Mrs.Malfoy. Draco pushed a large green leather trunk in front of him and disappeared through the barrier to platform nine and three quarters. He was glad to be away from another long summer at home. He was tired of the continuous searches of his mansion, it was bad enough that Potter had seen his own father as a death eater. “Ugh! Filthy Potter!” cursed Draco. He dragged his trunk onto the train and made his way down the corridor into the prefects compartment. Draco would sure get Potter and Weasley and that Granger mudblood this year. Just then Pansy Parkinson, the other 6th year prefect from Slytherin entered the spacious compartment and shrieked “Draco!!! Oh my gosh! I have to tell you what happened over the summer!!” “I..I think I’ll go change into my robes.” Said Draco quickly making his way away from Pansy. “When will she ever leave me alone?” Thought Draco. He stopped by a compartment to listen in on a conversation. “Harry? Ugh! Harry!!! Listen to me!” said Hermione. Draco smiled. Hmm an agitated mudblood, she might explode. Wouldn’t want to get mudblood goo all over my new robes. “Harry, me and Herm are going to the prefect compartment.” That has to be Weasley. Thought Draco. Suddenly the door slide open knocking Draco on the nose.

Hermione arrived on time to make the train and slide into a compartment with Ron, Harry and some other gorgeous girl with wavy red hair down to her waist and brilliant green eyes. Hermione turned away from Harry and the new girl. “So Ron, what have you been up to this summer?” “Well, we got to visit Fluer Delcour’s house with Bill, They are engaged you know.” “No! Really? That’s great you’ll have a part veela in the family!” “I know…” said Ron with a glazed look. “So Harry what d-‘’ Hermione gasped in shock. The new girl and Harry were all over each other! “Gross! Ron what’s gotten into Harry?” “I don’t know. Ummm.. Oy! Harry! Who’s your er.. friend.” Ron sniggered. “Oh this is Lexi She’s new, in our year to.” Answered Harry looking rather flustered. “Your just his friend right?” asked Lexi looking at Hermione in a suspicious way. “Of coarse! Harry and I, Ugh! Never!” Ron started laughing again making Harry blush even more. “Well, I’m Hermione Granger, pleasure to meet you.” Yay! Finally another girl to talk to. Thought Hermione. “And this here, this is Ron Weasley, he would probably introduce himself but he’s just to tickled that you’ve arrived.” Ron bent over doubled laughing so hard his face was red. “Gosh, just because Harry’s got a new gf doesn’t make anything funny”. whispered Hermione to Ron. “Yes, but Harry!?” said Ron breathlessly. Lexi gave Ron a disapproving look and left with Harry into the corridor. “Look what you’ve done now. Finally a girl in 6th year that I can actually talk to and you just go and offend her.” Hissed Hermione. “Let go to the prefects compartment.” Said Ron fighting not to smile. Ron slide open the door. “Bang!” The compartment door had apparently hit Draco in the nose. “S-sorry” stammered Hermione. What was she saying! Sorry to Malfoy?! She straitened up. “So Malfoy, listening in on us? I didn’t know we were that interesting, I thought that you thought we were all scum!” “As a matter of fact I was only trying to see if any of you, you scum died over the summer.” Draco finished lamely. They both gave each other one last look and marched away, though she was sure she could feel Malfoy’s eyes on her. Since when had Malfoy become so hot? I can’t tell Ron or Harry they will think I’ve swallowed a load of rubbish but still… What does it matter to any one who I like? It doesn’t mean I would hang out with Malfoy or anything…. “Hermione!” Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by Ron. “Neville has been trying to say something to you.” “Oh! Sorry Neville, what is it?” Neville blushed and looked at Ron then walked away looking at the floor.“What was that all about” asked Hermione curiously. “Well, isn’t it obvious? Neville has a thing for you.” “What?! No he wouldn’t! Why? I don’t get it!” “Well, you did help him a lot in potions, maybe too much to be honest and he did ask you too the Yule Ball.” “Your right but…I mean Neville’s nice and all, but he’s not my type.” “So, in other words you don’t like him.” “If you want the truth he is a bit annoying.” “Well, If you were to go out with anyone here at Hogwarts who would you choose.” Hermione hesitated, her first thought was Malfoy, why hadn’t she ever noticed him, well, between all the nasty comments he shouted at her, it was kind of hard to. Bickering is a sign of flirting though, but.. “Helloooooo?” said Ron waving his hands in front of her face. “Oh! Ummm I don’t know who I would pick. Ron, we really need to get changed, we should be there soon.” So Hermione slipped into an empty compartment and closed the door.

Draco couldn’t believe what had just happened. He had actually been checking Granger out. She must had been to the beach because she was so tan. What was happening now? He was checking out mudbloods and thinking of lame comebacks. Crabbe and Goyle would think he had gone mad if he told them that he thought he liked Hermione, Crabbe and Goyle probably wouldn’t care if he wanted to marry an elephant. Some times he just wanted someone halfway intelligent to talk to. He hated treating people like rubbish but it was just what people had come to expect of him. You know I should be nicer to everyone. Well, maybe not Potter or Weasley, thought Draco. I think I’ll try to be nice to that Granger girl. She doesn’t really deserve how I treat her. The train suddenly stopped and Draco made his way to the exit. Why did it always have to be pouring buckets whenever he arived? He climbed out and ran for the nearest carriage. He threw himself inside and sat down across from no other that Granger. How was he supposed to know she would be in here. Well, I’ll just wait for her to say something first. But the whole bumpy ride up to the castle steps was quiet. Draco could not help but stare at Hermione. She was so cute with wet hair. Wait! What was he thinking? Oh who cares. As they climbed out of the carriage Malfoy let Hermione out first. “Well, aren’t you going to yell at me and call me a mudblood?” asked Hermione taking Draco by surprise. “No, why would I want to do that?” he asked slightly hurt. “What are you playing at?” She shot back. “I’m really not that mean you know.” “Well, we’ll see when that’s true.” She spun on her heels and stomped up the castle steps.

I can’t believe it, the look on Malfoy’s face! Maybe he really does like me. All through the feast Hermione kept glancing over at the slytherin table trying to catch Malfoy’s eye. Yes! He’s looking back. She smiled at him and he winked back! Omg! Hermione tried to hide her excitement from Ron and Harry, but Harry still had to ask “Whats got you all bubbly?” “Oh I’m just glad term has started and everything.” She lied. “Probably wants to swallow another book.” Snickered Ron. Hermione put down her fork. “Will you grow up!” Harry looked nervously between the two and said “Why don’t we go up to the common room?” “You two go, I.. I’ll meet you there.” Said Hermione glancing at Malfoy. After Ron and Harry left she waited until almost every one had pushed in their chairs and gone up to their common rooms. She got up and followed Malfoy out into the entrance hall. She touched his shoulder uncertainly. Then jerked it away when he stopped. “Listen, Malfoy-“ “Call me Draco.” “Draco, I’m sorry I snapped at you outside.” Hermione shifted uncomfortably. “Why don’t we go outside and have a chat.” Asked Malfoy. “Oh! That would be great! I mean if its okay with you.” “Of coarse it is, I asked didn’t I?” Laughed Malfoy. All the way towards the great oak front door Hermione beat herself up. Why did I have to make it look like I was so overjoyed. I’m so stupid. They walked down towards the lake. The rain had just stopped and mud was squishing under their feet. For a minute they stood staring at the ripples of moonlight reflecting on the water. “Do you think I’m too harsh?” asked Draco suddenly still staring at the lake. “I mean to you.” He added turning to Hermione. “Yes.” said Hermione stiffly. “Well, I’m-I, I want to say that I’m really sorry.” Said Draco who actually looked sorry. “It’s ok, its Behind us now.” They talked for hours and hours about each other’s lives and anything they could think of. They walked all over the Hogwarts grounds even along the forbidden forest. Outside the forest they were heard a werewolf howl. They ran away from the forest and walked around the lake. Occasionally bubbles would rise to on the surface, probably from the giant squid. Hermione felt Draco’s arm wrap around her. “I had to go in there two years ago, of coarse I was asleep but I still remember being really cold when I woke up.” Said Hermione nodding towards the lake. “I know I saw you, Krum rescued you.” Replied Draco stiffly. “Are Krum and you still in touch?” asked Draco awkwardly. He stopped writing me at the end of the fifth year, of coarse its probably because he’s so busy I mean…” Hermione trailed off with a note of bitterness in her voice. “Don’t you think people will think it’s strange if they see us together?” asked Draco. “I suppose they will just have to get used to it.” “That will make them laugh, Who would have thought Draco and Hermione, a couple?” as soon as Draco said this he nervously glanced at Hermione who looked back at him and said “You know, I’m really sick of people calling me the girl who lives in the library, the only reason I go in there is to avoid Ron, and to do homework, It’s not like I like to read all that much.” They didn’t say anything for awhile but continued to circle around the lake arm in arm. Draco abruptly said “People need to see the real you.” “How is that going to happen?” asked Hermione mildly surprised. “Well, you could get a new image you know, you could stop doing home work for people and tell people your sick of it all.” Draco looked at Hermione questioningly. “I’m gonna go back to my dormitory and sleep in and pretend I’m sick, then I’ll come to breakfast the next day with a whole new look.” Draco and Hermione rounded the lake toward the castle and they began to notice that the sun was creeping up over the snowcapped mountains. Rays of pink, purple and orange shown out over the snow, glittering against the faint stars in the night sky. “Isn’t it beautiful?” breathed Hermione. To Hermione’s surprise Draco was staring not at the sunrise but at her. They were only an inch away. His eyes were so blue. He kissed her gently on her lips and said “you know for a mudblood you make a good kisser.”

All the way back up to her common room she thought about that kiss. He actually called me Mudblood! Well, it’s not like I don’t find badness unattractive…Hermione snuck into the Gryfindor common room to find Ron looking livid and Harry slightly irritated waiting for her. “Hi?” she said nervously. “Hello Hermione.” Said Ron in a strangely tense voice. Harry looked at Ron nervously then back at Hermione. Then Ron burst out and said “Hermione! What were you thinking! We came up here and waited for you! We thought peeves had friggin’ attacked you or something and then we looked out of the window and saw you and.. and Malfoy!!?!?!!!!?!!!! What were you two doing together!?!!” spat Ron. “I was just talking to him!” whispered Hermione realizing the situation was quite hopeless. “Oh yeah, and Kissing him!” “He kissed me if you want to know the truth and if your jealous go find your own boyfriend!” Harry looked highly amused but Ron didn’t think it was so funny. Slowly Ron sank into a chair and sighed weakly. “Ron, I-“ started Hermione. “You and Malfoy, I can’t believe it…” Ron continued to stare at the floor. “He’s actually nice you know and you know we are supposed to be united with the other houses at Hogwarts. He said He’ll leave you and Harry alone.” Said Hermione desperately with tears sparkling in her eyes. She looked expectantly at Harry. “Ron, Hermione has a point, we have benefits.” Interjected Harry helpfully. Ron stood up quickly knocking over his armchair and stumbling over crookshanks who hissed at his feet. Ron ignored Crookshanks and stomped up into his dormitory. With a swish of his tail crookshanks turned and hopped into a chair under the bulletin board. Hermione sunk into an armchair by the fire and looked at Harry. “You know Draco is really cool.” Said Hermione nervously. “I’ll have to see for myself. It surprises me. When? I mean how did this happen?” Asked Harry. Hermione took a deep breath and explained how Draco had suddenly been so kind to her. “Are you sure he’s not playing with you? I mean it might just be a big joke.” “No I think he was serious.” Said Hermione thoughtfully. “Well, just be careful, and you’ve got Ron to deal with.” Hermione pounded the arms of her armchair with rage. “It’s just so typical, I should have known Ron would do this.” Hermione screamed. “It’s not all blown towards you, It’s just Ron’s nature, he’s like that to me to.” Hermione didn’t know what to say to this so she just stared into the fire. “Ron told me something in our carriage.” Said Harry. “What did he say? Was it about me?” asked Hermione sourly. “Well yes, and no.” Harry hesitated. “He told me not to tell you.” “Oh go on, it won’t hurt anybody.” Said Hermione obviously wanting to hear what Ron had said. “Well, ok.” Harry shrugged. “It goes like this. Ron was really irritated, he said he was sick of not having a gf. He kept going on about me and Cho and Lexi. Then he started talking about you and Krum.” Harry paused as if waiting for her reaction. “Ok, how does that make anything different?” asked Hermione slightly annoyed. “Well, he said he wished you were a friend with benifets.” “Oh, ok….” Said Hermione carefully. “So why is he so mean to me?” “Well, that’s what I asked him and he said he didn’t know how to act around you.” Said Harry shifting slightly in his chair. Crookshanks uncoiled himself from his chair and leapt into Hermione’s lap.“You know, it’s getting late.” Said Hermione abruptly standing up and dropping a ruffled looking Crookshanks onto the floor. The sun was already up and owls were soaring back to the castle to return from their night’s hunt. “I’m faking sick today, see you tomorrow at breakfast.” She started up to her dormitory. She stopped on the first step. “Harry, tell Ron I’m sorry.” She paused “And thanks for everything.” She climbed up the stairs into her room and lay exhausted on her bed, her thoughts filled with every thing that had happened that night, Draco’s face swimming in front of her shining with the colored hues of the sunrise.

Draco made his way back up into the castle. He felt like he was floating. He had actually spent the whole night with Hermione. What will everyone say when they see us tomorrow. I wonder what her new image will be. Draco was so busy thinking about Hermione that he didn’t notice his feet were taking him to the transfiguration classroom. He turned around and ran right into Professor Mcgonagall. “Mr. Malfoy! What are you doing wandering about the school hallways at five in the morning?” she asked her lips pursed. “Surely you did not have intentions of going to breakfast. It doesn’t even start till seven.” “Professor, I..I-“ “I don’t want to hear it! 50 points from Slytherin! And If I catch you wandering about again it will be 100! Now go, go back to your common room.” Draco made his way back to the common room immensely relieved he had gotton away so easily, well, besides the 50 point drop. If we lose the House cup to Gryfindor again… Filthy Gryfindors. Draco stopped. Hermione was in Gryfindor. Well, maybe I deserved those points but it was definitely worth staying out all night with Hermione. He slowly trudged towards the Slytherin common room entrance. Draco stopped dead. The portrait had a huge whole ripped through it as if someone had forced their way through it. Could some mad man be inside? He didn’t even stop to think of what to do. He was going straight to the first person he saw. He whipped around a corner and sprinted down the steps leading toward the great hall and he ran right into peeves the poltergeist. “Peeves, you know now is not a great time!!!” Draco shouted, desperately trying to get past Peeves who kept blocking him. “Naughty naughty!” Peeves took a deep breath. “STUDENT OUT OF BED IN THE GREAT HALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Draco braced himself for the worst. Filch came wheezing out of his office in pinstriped trousers and a teeshirt he was accompanied by Professor Snape, who was wearing a long grey night shirt. “Malfoy what is this?” asked Snape. “Sir, I was…” suddenly Draco remembered why he had come downstairs in the first place “Professor there is a big hole slashed, the portrait to the Slytherin common room it’s destroyed, I think someone forced their way in” said Draco apprehensively. “Filch, alert Dumbledore and the rest of the staff immediately, Come Malfoy.” Snape led Draco back up to the Slytherin common room. “When did you find this?” asked Snape. “About ten minutes ago.” Replied Draco. “Did you see who did it or hear anything?” “Nothing sir”. The portrait suddenly creaked open. “Goyle! Crabbe!? Who did this? Did you see them?” Demanded Draco. Goyle gave Crabbe a furtive glance. “It was us.” Admitted Goyle. “We couldn’t remember the password so we had to force our selves through, we were going to repair it by magic but we couldn’t figure out how.” Said Crabbe. Suddenly about a dozen members of staff appeared around the corner. “Severus, what has happened?” asked Madam Pomfry looking mortified. “It’s all right, we have found the two culprits.” Said Snape grimly. “Who are they?” asked Professor Binns. “Just Crabbe and Goyle. Now you two.” He nodded at Crabbe and Goyle. “And you, Malfoy, Will proceed into the common room to discuss this matter further.” So the four of them entered the common room and sat down into the black leather arm chairs. “Explain.” Said Snape. Crabbe and Goyle glanced at each other. Crabbe decided to start. “Well, we snuck out at about one in the morning and we made for the Gryfindor common room, we were going to go and curse Granger.” Crabbe smirked at Draco, Draco managed a feeble smile. He should have expected this. He had talked about this all summer to Crabbe and Goyle, about hexing Potter, Weasley, and Hermione. Poor Hermione. His thoughts drifted back to the kiss then he suddenly realized that Crabbe had started talking again. “So after Neville let us in we crept upstairs to curse Granger, but she wasn’t there so we headed back downstairs and out the portrait hole and to our own common room but we, well we had forgotten the password so we got in the only way we could think of.” Snape seemed to be thinking. Goyle looked as if he was bracing a huge punishment and Crabbe just looked confused. “We must find Granger.” Said Snape his voice full of steel. Draco started. He hadn’t been expecting that reaction from Snape. “Umm, Professor I saw Granger in the-the library on the way downstairs to get you, she was reading.” Said Draco desperate to give Hermione a believable excuse. “Right then, If she was up out of bed in the middle of the night she should receive..” Snape ran his fingers through his black greasy hair. “Fifty points taken away from Gryfindor.” Snape said grimly smiling. “And ten points from Slytherin.” Hissed Snape Glaring at Crabbe and Goyle who shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Draco thought this was extremely unfair. Hermione and the two idiots were both out at night, and Crabbe and Goyle had intended on hurting Hermione. Well, everyone knows that Snape prefers his own house. Thought Draco. “Sir, May I go back up to my dormitory?” asked Draco. Snape nodded. So Draco trudged up the steps into his dormitory and fell into his bed fully clothed. The last thing he thought about before he went to bed was Hermione.

Hermione rolled over and groaned. Her alarm clock said eight fifteen. She sat up. Oh no! I’m late! Then suddenly the events of last night rushed back to her. I’ll just start redoing my image then. It’s not like anyone will miss me in class. Hermione walked over to her dresser and looked into the mirror. “Ugh! I look awful!.” She had dark bags under her eyes, frizzy hair and pasty skin. No wonder. She thought. I only got about two hours of sleep last night.

Draco awoke with a start and got out of bed. His first thought was. When was he going to see her again. He sat back down on his bed slowly, thinking. I could skip class and go find her. But how?
Hmmm I need to fix the hair. No prob. She thought. Just a little bit of gel and some hair spray should do the trick. She got up to go get her hair gel when she saw something moving outside her window. Crookshanks was trotting around the other side of the lake, past Hagrid’s cabin and along side the mountain. Then suddenly he disappeared. “Oh crap!” Hermione threw her hair up into a messy ponytail and threw on some muggle clothes, a cute green short skirt from Abercrombie and a white tube top from Express and bounded out the castle and towards the mountain. Her straw flip-flops sank into the dewy grass tickling her ankles. She slowed down and clutched a stitch in her side breathing heavily. She took a deep breath and started toward the mountain. Did I just heard footsteps behind me?

Draco threw on his invisibility cloak and made to find Hermione. He could easily slip into the Gryfindor common room after someone and talk to her. Draco stopped at the portrait of the fat lady and waited. Then the portrait swung open. To Draco’s surprise it was Hermione. She ran down two flights of stairs before Draco started to follow her. At first he thought she was going to see Hagrid, but she ran way past Hagrid’s cabin and towards the mountains. She finally stopped and looked around, squinting against the sunlight. It looked like she was trying to find something. “Crookshanks!!! Come here sweety.” She called. Draco looked around. Who was Crookshanks? “Crap! Where is he?” cried Hermione exasperated. Out of the corner of his eye he saw an orange fluffy cat curled up on a rock right behind Hermione. Without thinking Draco said “He’s behind you.” Hermione jumped then called “Who’s there?” Draco pulled of his cloak. “It’s just me.” Hermione gasped. “You have an invisibility cloak too?” “Yes, why? do you have one?” asked Draco. “Well, no but my friend has one.” They paused then Draco remembered “Oh, is that your cat?” asked Draco pointing to the orange fur ball. Hermione spun around and clasped her hand to her mouth. “Crookshanks! You were here the whole time? Go back up to the castle! Who let you out?” Crookshanks leapt off of the rock, gave Hermione a look that plainly said, “I was just sunbathing” and made his way up to the castle his tail swishing as he went.

Hermione laughed. “Is your cat always like that?” asked Draco laughing. “Yes, but I’m not laughing at Crookshanks, I’m laughing at you. “Why?” asked Draco. “Because you have no fashion sense. What does everyone wear when they don’t wear their uniforms?” Draco looked down at his red wind pants and orange polo. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked perplexed. “Well..” said Hermione clearly enjoying critizing his clothes. “First of all it looks like your on fire. You’re all orangy and redish. I definitely need to take you shopping.” “Ok, lets go shopping then.” “What? It’s a school day remember.” “I thought you were sick.” Laughed Draco. “Oh ok I need to go get my money though.” Said Hermione acting like she thought it was the worst thing in the world to go shopping with Draco. “Ok I’ll meet you by greenhouse three and we’ll walk to Hogsmead.” “Actually..” started Hermione. “We should go to the muggle mall. I mean you do want to get some new outfits to wear when your not in your school uniform.” “I don’t have muggle money, but I can go to Hogsmead and get it transferred.” Hermione smiled and said “Ok meet ya back here in five.”

She sprinted back up to her dormitory and grabbed the last of her spending money she brought with her, $149 and an emergency credit card her mom lent her. Hey, this is a fashion emergency. She sprinted back downstairs and avoided meeting anyone until she ran smack into professor Dumbledor. “Sir, I..” “There is no need to explain.” Interupted Dumbledor holding up a hand. “Go on to Hogsmead with Mr. Malfoy. Have a good time.” “Oh! Ok umm.. bye then, thanks.” Stuttered Hermione. How did Dumbledore know that she was going to Hogsmead with Draco? When she saw him by the greenhouse she explained what had happened. “Well, how would he know we were going together?” asked Draco. “That’s what I wondered, and I can’t believe he let us go.” “It’s going to take us forever to get there.” Said Draco. “Oh I forgot there is a shortcut. Follow me.” Hermione led Draco back into the castle and they climbed behind the humpbacked witch and slid down into the damp dunnel leading to the Hogsmead candy shop.

Water dripped down from the wall of the tunnel and occasionally onto there heads. Their foot steps echoed throughout the passage. “Oh theres something I forgot to tell you.” Said Draco. “What?” “Well, I got you out of a lot of trouble with Snape.” Said Draco. “…but you still lost 50 points for your house.” “What?! How I didn’t do anything, well, except walk around the Lake all night with you, but besides that..” Hermione trailed off. “Well, Crabbe and Goyle snuck out last night to hex you but you weren’t in your dormitory so they went back, busted through the portrait and got caught by Snape.” “Where does this involve me?” “I’m getting to that. Snape wanted to know where you were so I told him I saw you in the library on the way to tell him about the portrait being slashed.” “The portrait was slashed? To slytherin!?” Hermione gasped. “Yup, just because Crabbe and Goyle couldn’t remember the password.” Draco sighed. “They are so thick.” They had been winding their way up the staircase to HogsMead for about 30 min. just talking. When suddenly Draco bumped his head on the trap door. Confused Draco asked “Hermione, where’s the door?” He looked in front of him, bent over. “You just bumped your head on it.” Laughed Hermione. “Oh, So we push it open?” Hermione nodded. They cautiously pushed open the trapdoor to find themselves in a room full of musty, old crates of different magical candies and toys. “Ummm this way.” Said Hermione leading Draco towards a stair case. Their feet creaked on the old steps. “Wow.” Said Draco looking around. “We’re in Honeydukes.” “Yup, it’s a very useful shortcut.” Answered Hermione. Draco started over to a display of cockroach clusters and fizzing whizbees. “Draco.” Said Hermione slightly impatiently. “We need to go, It’s already noon.” Draco reluctantly turned around. “So we need to get muggle money right?” asked Draco. “Umm yes, but I’m not really sure where to go. I think there is a Visitors center down the road maybe we can get some money exchanged there.” How does she get all this information? Wondered draco. They walked past Zonko’s and a small café’ and then they stood in front of a yellow bricked building with ivy creeping along the walls. A brass sign stood in front of them before the steps leading up to the building. The sign read: Hogsmead Vistitors Center .Travel .Real estate .Security .Money transfers .Museum and much more inside … They walked up the steps and the large wooden doors sprang open for them magically. A bored looking witch sat behind a desk in the middle of the room flipping through a copy of Witches Weekly. “Exuse me, mam. Could you tell us where we can transfer our money.” The witch sighed and put down her magazine and pointed to a door on the right with a small sign hanging from the doorknob that said “Money transfers” Draco opened the door for Hermione and she turned red, although Draco didn’t notice. The first thing he saw when he entered the small room was a big blue shiny ball floating in mid air. Hey this looks familiar he thought. Then a painful memory hit him. “What do you think we should do?” asked Hermione. Draco winced. He had been thinking about a time when he was very small. He could remember a day where he had gone to this same place with his father. He had insisted on bringing a friend with him on that very occasion. But who was it? He could vividly remember getting punished for it. “Whats wrong?” Hermione asked suddenly. “Oh nothing.” Said Draco in a rather unnatural tone. “Come on you can tell me.” Said hermione placing a hand on his arm. “Oh umm ok.” Said Draco reluctantly. For some reason he didn’t want to share this memory with Hermione, although he couldn’t put a finger on why. Then he noticed a man in the corner of the room counting galleons. “I’ll tell you later.” He said nodding at the man to show that the topic shouldn’t be overheard. “Hello sir! Umm can we get some help over here?” The old man jumped and turned around. “State your buissness and I shall choose to help you or I shall refuse.” He said looking stern. Hermione looked at draco. “I uh wanted to exchange these galleons for muggle money.” He said pulling out a sack of the large gold coins. “oh. Then right you are coming here for money exchange. Seen to many kids I here trying to steal. If I see one more knut out of my possession I’ll…” Hermione cleared her throat loadly. “oh right. Over here.” He waved haphazardly to the floaing blue ball. You will see a slot on the side of this Shwazle.” “On the side of what?” asked Hermione and and Draco at the same time. “The shwazle!” said the man impatienty.

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