The ShinRa Horror Picture Show
Script
Square Double Feature -
Akihabara was filled
The day the Earth stood still
And Square told us where we stand.
And Cecil was there
In silver armaments,
Crono was the Mute Man.
Then something went wrong
For ShinRa and the Planet;
They got caught in a meteoritic jam.
Then at a deadly pace
It came from... Outer Space.
And this is how the message ran:
Squaresoft, double feature
Jenova will morph into a creature.
See androids fighting Cloud and Tifa
Iflano talks about the Cetra and the Planet
Wo, oh, oh, oh, oh...
At the late night, double feature, Squaresoft game.
I knew Sephiroth
Was over the top
When Yuffie took to the hills.
And it really got hot
When Ifrit was caught
Fight a dragon that spits poison and kills.
Cait Sith said, "Friends..."
He took the stone
Doing that used a lot of skills.
"But when worlds collide,"
Said Bugenhagen to Cloud,
"Ahohoho..."
Time for the...
Squaresoft, double feature
Jenova will morph into a creature.
See androids fighting Cloud and Tifa
Iflano talks about the Cetra and the Planet
Wo, oh, oh, oh, oh...
At the late night, double feature, Squaresoft game.
I wanna play
Oh, oh, oh...
To the late night, double feature, Squaresoft game,
By Sony,
Oh, oh, oh...
To the late night, double feature, Squaresoft game,
In the back row,
Oh, oh, oh...
To the late night... double feature... Square... soft... game...
[Scene I: The yard of what looks like a church. There's a graveyard to the side; that'll come later.]
[The scene starts with a white wedding that has just gotten out. In the background, Rufus can be seen talking to a mild-looking Reno. Happiness, happiness, happiness... blah, blah, blah. The groups gather for a family photo.]
SeeD: Here they come!
Photographer #1: Let's get a picture. Close together now. The folks and then the grandparents. Yes, all the close family. Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And... smile!
Photographer #2: Congratulations!
The scene closes in on the groom, Squall Leonhart, and his best man, Cloud Strife.
Squall: Well, I guess Rinoa finally got her way, huh?
Cloud: I feel sorry for you. Rinoa has only once left your side since you met in Dr. Highwind's training courses.
Squall: Well, to tell you the truth, Cloud, that's the only reason I showed up in the first place.
Cloud: *palms the back of his neck* But I thought-
[He is interrupted by the angelic voice of the bride, Rinoa Heartilly. Or to be more precise, the Mrs. Squall Leonhart formerly known as Rinoa Heartilly.]
Rinoa: Okay, minna! This is it!
[A band of about seven girls jump up and down excitedly as they let out squeals of joy. Among the group is Cloud Strife's chick, Tifa Lockheart.]
Squall: *watching the group now* Well, looks like Rinoa's going to throw the bouquet.
[And Rinoa tosses the bouquet and the lucky Tifa catches it!]
Tifa: *LITERALLY bouncing around hysterically* I got it! I got it!
Squall: Hey, ya big jerk. Looks like you'll be the next victim, eh?
Cloud: ..... Squall, you suck at foreshadowing.
Squall: *starts to comment as Rinoa joins his side and he looks to her and nods before looking back to Cloud* Well, so long, Cloud. Guess we better get going back to the Garden now, Rinoa. Come on. *he picks up Rinoa into his arms as she girlishly giggles and Squall turns from Cloud, glancing over his shoulder briefly* See ya, Cloud!
He runs off stage being followed by the remnants of the group except Tifa, Cloud, and Squall's best friend, Zell Dincht, who is a tad bit irritated at this point.
Zell: *raises his right hand into the air as he makes a fist and shakes it slightly* I can't believe you guys didn't serve hot dogs at the reception party! *he then runs after them off stage*
Tifa walks beside Cloud as they wander into the graveyard near where the wedding reception was held (we don't know why). The sign in the background reads: "Midgar: The Home of Mako."
Tifa: Oh, Cloud, wasn't it so pretty? Didn't Rinoa look radiantly beautiful? I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old Rinoa Heartilly and now... now she's Mrs. Squall Leonhart.
Cloud: Un, Squall is a lucky guy... I think.
Tifa: Yes. *she follows Cloud more closely now*
[Two of Quistis' Trepies walk by, one crying and the other trying to comfort.]
Trepie #1: Hey... don't cry...
Trepie #2: *she sniffles* I always cry at weddings.
[The two walk off stage along with the others of the earlier group.]
Cloud: Uh, everyone knows that Rinoa is a wonderful little sorceress.
Tifa: Yes.
Cloud: Why Squall himself, he'll be in line for a high level ranking within the next SeeD assignment.
Tifa: Or after he passes a test! *she grins as she says this*
Shimatta Tifa! - Cloud Strife & Tifa Lockheart
Cloud: Hey, Tifa.
Tifa: Yes, Cloud?
Cloud: I've got something to say...
Tifa: Yeah?
Cloud: I really love the... skillful way... you beat the other girls... senseless, so you could catch Rinoa's bouquet.
Tifa: *blushes* Oh, Cloud-
Cloud: *he bursts into his song now*
*group members from earlier stay further in the back after coming back on stage as they say Tifa's (they'll say "Oh, Cloud" once Tifa starts to sing) name in a bored manner after every line that Cloud sings*
Cloud: The memories were deep but I forgot them. (Tifa)
Sephy is gone forever. (Tifa)
So please, don't tell me to be Zach. (Tifa)
I've just one thing to say and that's, "Shimatta, Tifa! I love you!"
Tifa leans in to kiss him upon the cheek, but he immediately backs away and turns his back to her whilst continuing to sing.
Cloud: The sword was strong, but I defeated it. (Tifa)
The fire in my heart is small, so you fan it. (Tifa)
If there's one fool thing to do, then this is it. (Tifa)
I've just one thing to say and that's, "Shimatta, Tifa! I love you!"
[He turns back to her as he kneels down and holds out a black case up to her. He opens it as her eyes widen and seem to sparkle.]
Cloud: Here's the ring to prove that I'm no joker.
There's three ways that love can go.
That's a kiss, fights, or cuddling.
Oh, T-I-F-A, I want you so!
[Tifa having taken the ring from the black case and placed it upon her finger, she helps Cloud back up and the two run back to center stage where it seems the group (of the six left over girls) are preparing for a funeral.]
Tifa: Oh, it's nicer than the Platinum Fist! (Oh, Cloud)
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad. (Oh, Cloud)
That you finally know what you are inside. (Oh, Cloud)
I've one thing to say and that's Cloud, I'm proud, for you too.
Oh, Brad...
Cloud: *blinks a couple of times* Brad?
Tifa: *clears throat* I mean Cloud... Oh, Cloud...
[The two walk back and forth as though it's their wedding day. Tifa continuously inches herself closer to him, which makes Cloud a bit fidgety.]
Cloud: Oh... shimatta!
Tifa: I'm proud...
Cloud: Oh, Tifa.
Tifa: For you.
Cloud: I love you too.
Tifa & Cloud: There's one thing left to do - ah - oo.
Cloud: And that's go see the man who began it. (Tifa)
When we met in his training exam - it. (Tifa)
Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Tifa)
I've just one thing to say and that's, "Shimatta, Tifa! I love you!"
Shimatta, Tifa...
Tifa: Oh, Cloud... I'm proud...
Cloud: Shimatta, Tifa...!
Cloud & Tifa: I love you...
[The two lean in for a convincing kiss as the scene changes (to protect the lives of the innocent).]
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[To one of the far ends of the stage is a lone chair, standing out with miscellaneous stuff in the background. The audience can see the male (yes, male), Red XIII, sitting down in the chair looking thoughtful as always. He's dressed in what the stereotypical English man would be wearing, as he gives off an air of sophistication. Since he is the expert of ShinRa Rocky Horror after all.]
Red XIII: I would like, ah, if I may... to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Cloud Strife and his fiancé, Tifa Lockheart, two young, ordinary kids, left Midgar that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Cid Highwind, ex-tutor, and now friend to both of them.
[Red glances through a book, with each character's statements. Slowly turning the pages, but only letting each page be seen for a second.]
Red XIII: It's true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and pendulous, towards which they were riding. It's true, also, that the Chocobo they were riding was a class E and was quickly running out of energy, but, uh, they being normal kids and on a night out... well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening, were they?
[Red closes the book and stands up as he pauses like Joey Tribuani on the Days of Our Lives show from 'Friends.' (You know how he does it, all dramatic and stuff.)]
Red XIII: On a night out... it was a night out they were going to remember... for a very long time...
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[Scene II: Tifa and Cloud are dragging a tired-out Chocobo behind them as they sight-see through the country side on account that it has run out of energy heading towards Rocket Town. The two are dodging small "avalanches" of rocks being thrown at them from off stage.]
Tifa: *catches the last rock that was thrown as she throws it back from whence it came* What the heck?! That's the sixteenth one that nearly hit me alone! Whoever's throwing them at us sure doesn't care for their life, especially since they’re trying to mess with me!
Cloud: *acting as bored as he possibly can be and completely unenthusiastic* Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type, I guess.
Tifa: *she blinks a couple of times* What are you talking about, Cloud?
Cloud: *he holds out a hand as he gives a shrugging motion* I'm just following the script.
Tifa: *rolls her eyes as she places her right hand upon her right hip* You need to act more in character, Cloud! This needs to be believable! *clears her throat* That's the sixteenth one that nearly hit me alone! Whoever's throwing them at us sure doesn't care for their life, especially since they're trying to mess with me!
Cloud: ......
Tifa: *looks to him and narrows her eyes as she glares at him* Now you're just mocking me.
[Somehow they end up coming to a "Dead End" sign in the countryside, although we really don't know how that could happen.]
Tifa: *looks over Cloud's shoulder after he's stopped* ...What's the matter, Cloud?
Cloud: Hmmm... we must have taken the wrong turn a few miles back.
Tifa: Oh, but where were those rocks coming from anyway?
Cloud: Gee, I dunno, Tifa, from off stage?
Tifa: ......
Cloud: Hmmm... well, I guess we're turning back.
[By this time the Chocobo is now lying against the ground and in spite of Cloud kicking it a few times, it refuses to move.]
Tifa: Ack! What's wrong with the Chocobo?!
Cloud: He must be out of energy! Shimatta! I knew we should have taken the buggy!
Tifa: *rolls her eyes at Cloud's stupidity* What about the PHS?
Cloud: PHS? I knew I was forgetting something when we left!
Tifa: *she lightly thwacks him across the ear*
Cloud: *thwacked upon the ear, he ignores this* Well, you just stay here where it's safe and I'll go get help.
Tifa: Where are you going to go? We're in the middle of the country!
Cloud: *brings a hand to his chin thoughtfully* Didn't we pass a mansion back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a PHS I could use.
Tifa: I'm coming with you.
Cloud: No, Tifa. It was my mistake. I don't want to get you involved.
Tifa: Don't give me that crap, Cloud! I'm coming with you! Besides, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful Ancient, and you might never come back again!
Cloud: *his face turns slightly pale as he chuckles* Heh, heh, heh, heh...
[The two approach Nibelheim (forget Rocket Town). The town's gate has been broken down and a sign lies upon the ground reading, "Beware of Experiments." The two switch nervous glances, but continue onward. Everything seems quiet and forsaken, surprising them both since it was their hometown, yet they see a light in the distance...]
Over at that ShinRa Place - Tifa, Cloud, & the Turks (Off stage)
Tifa: In the Mako darkness,
Of a freakish night,
Burning bright, there's a guiding star.
Yet it's not- made of materia.
[A sign can be seen for the ShinRa mansion, not bidding a very nice welcome...]
Cloud & Tifa: There's a light...
Turks: Over at that ShinRa place.
Cloud & Tifa: There's a light...
Turks: Brightly shining in space...
Cloud & Tifa: There's a light, light taking over, and making us follow it.
[More rocks fly off stage at the two as they carefully dodge these as well. Waiting behind the entrance of the ShinRa mansion, Reno is getting ready for his solo, dressed in his blue and white Turk outfit.]
Reno: The life force must go down the river of night's dreaming.
Flow Mako slow, let the sun and light come streaming.
Turn into money. Turn into money...
Cloud & Tifa: There's a light...
Turks: Over at that ShinRa Place.
Cloud & Tifa: There's a light...
Turks: Brightly shining in space. There's a light... a light...
Cloud & Tifa: Taking over, and making us follow it...
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[The audience's attention returns to Red XIII's room and chair, as he is now standing up and looking at a map that displays how FAR OFF Nibelheim is from Rocket Town.]
Red XIII: And so, it seemed that the Ancients had smiled on Cloud and Tifa and that they had found the assistance that they required.
[Once again, he pauses for a Joey Tribuani moment.]
Red XIII: *raises an eyebrow* ...Or had they?
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[Scene III: Cloud and Tifa arrive upon the scene of entering the mansion. Both nervous and frightened, Cloud tries to act like the hero and miserably fails because Tifa can see right through his attempts of arrogance. In spite of this, the two are relieved that they have escaped the hailing rocks from off stage and give sighs of relief.]
Tifa: Cloud, I take it back! I think it would have been better to stay with the semi-dead Chocobo.
Cloud: *knocks upon the door* It's too late to say that now. Just hang on, they might have a PHS.
Reno: *having awaited this moment, he opens the door and raises his lips in a smirk as he speaks in an equivalent seductive voice* Well, hello.
Cloud: Hi! My name is Cloud Strife, and this is my fiancé, Tifa Lockheart. I wonder if you could help us. You see, our Chocobo tired out a few miles up the road.... Do you have a PHS we might use?
Reno: *flatly, yet observantly, he comments* You're wet.
Tifa: *gawks at him with disbelief* Yes... it's raining...
Cloud: *impatiently* Yes.
Reno: Yes...
[The rocks start to be thrown from off stage again.]
Reno: *grabs Tifa by the arm and pulls her inside* I think perhaps you both better come inside.
Tifa: Ah! Get off of me!
[Cloud follows the two in as he palms the back of his neck. Reno releases Tifa, so he can shut the door as she and Cloud walk on. As they glance around, they notice all the tapestries and the darkness surrounding them, although dim lights are located just about every where.]
Tifa: Oh, Cloud, this is scary! What kind of place is this?
Cloud: I dunno. Looks like the average ShinRa party to me.
Tifa: *eyes Cloud* Right...
Reno: Follow me please.
Tifa: Is there a party of something going on?
Reno: You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the President's affairs.
Tifa: Oh, lucky him...
[Aeris pops out from what looks like nowhere, but is really from behind one of the tapestries. She's in a sort of Magenta-style outfit, but what really looks like a schoolgirl uniform.]
Aeris: *speaks in that awful, annoying Magenta English accent* You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky; we're all lucky! *she giggles girlishly*
The Lifestream - Reno, Aeris, Yuffie, Red, and the Turks
Reno: It's astounding,
Time is fleeting,
Madness takes its toll,
But listen carefully...
Aeris: Not for very much longer.
Reno: I've got to find the spot.
[Reno begins to dance around a bit maniacally like Riff Raff does in the movie.]
Reno: I remember finding the Lifestream
Looking for that horrid place
ShinRa would command me-
Reno & Aeris: And that voice was calling...
[Entrance of the Turks: Elena, Rude, Reeve, and Tseng. Keep in mind that on certain songs they may enter in the back of the stage to sing. In this case, however, there will be a choreographed dance that's similar to the one from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Also at this moment in the script where it says, "Turks," it's including Yuffie, Reno, and Aeris as well, but it may not be the same in the other songs. I'll (Usagi) clarify on that later.]]
Turks: Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
[Red is dancing in his room, although making it look like he's right there with the others, minus the wall between them.]
Red XIII: It's just a turn to the left. *of course, he turns left, as do the others (we'll have this choreographed by the time this is performed)
[Back to the Turks.]
Turks: And then a fight to the right.
[Back to Red again, as others can see that he's cuddling a Rinoa Heartilly doll.]
Red XIII: With your hands on your gal.
[I (Usagi) think we get the point of this part now.]
Turks: You bring her in really tight.
But it's the giant world map
That really drives you insane.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
[Aeris kind of rushes in front of Cloud and Tifa and gets in between the two as she watches Cloud with a slight smirk upon her face. Tifa, at this moment, looks more than slightly jealous that Aeris is trying to enchant Cloud at this moment.]
Aeris: It's so dreamy, oh, Final Fantasy, free me.
Surrounded by the living? No, not at all.
In another dimension, we gather and spread,
Well secluded, I see all.
Reno: With a bit of a finger slip,
Aeris: You're into the life flip.
Reno: And you'll never get your game back again.
Aeris: You've set your mind on the Promised Land,
Reno: *in the psychotic way that Riff Raff does this* But don't forget the black-cloaked man!
Turks: Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
[Yuffie's solo time. ^.^; Sitting on the opposite side of the stage of Red XIII, upon a ledge on the stage with one leg crossed over the other. Her outfit kind of looks like Rinoa's formal dress from Final Fantasy VIII, except that it's a sequined blue dress and she has a dark blue covering for it (on account that it would break dress code... then again, who really cares?). She's got the dark make-up like Colombia and the sort of punk-ish style with the chokers and collars. (By the way, if we can get one of those black top hats, that would be most appreciated.)]
Yuffie: Well, I was walking in the trees just-a having a think,
When these people gave me an evil wink.
They took me up, made me an adventurer,
With magic up the wazoo.
I tricked them, an' took their materia-
Time spent stressing, wishin' you never came.
Turks: Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
Red XIII: It's just a turn to the left.
Turks: And then a fight to the right.
Red XIII: With your hands on your gal.
Turks: You bring her in really tight.
But it's the giant world map
That really drives you insane.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
[Tap dance ala Yuffie style. Just like in Rocky Horror Picture Show, she falls over at the end. Cloud and Tifa can't help laughing, since they don't like her anyway (no offense, Yuffie. I love you!). By the way, note to Yuffie: don't worry if you can't tap dance, you can just screw around and make a lot of noise, you know.]
Turks: Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
Red XIII: It's just a turn to the left.
Turks: And then a fight to the right.
Red XIII: With your hands on your gal.
Turks: You bring her in really tight.
But it's the giant world map
That really drives you insane.
Let's find the Lifestream again.
Let's find the Lifestream again...
[As they trail off, one-by-one the Turks fall to the ground including Yuffie, Aeris, and Reno as though they were struck. Tifa and Cloud look around worried.]
Tifa: Cloud, say something!
Cloud: Game Over.
Tifa: *rolls her eyes, as she sighs* Baka. Come on, let's get out of here.
Cloud: Get a grip on yourself, Tifa.
Tifa: But it... it seems so odd here.
Cloud: It's just a party, Tifa.
Tifa: Well - I don't want to party! Let's get the heck out of here!
Cloud: Well, we can't go until I get to use the PHS.
Tifa: Well, then ask that butler-thing or someone else.
[As the two begin to bicker, they begin to back up to the back of the stage as a silhouette appears behind them. The Turks get up and brush themselves off as they begin to giggle to themselves.]
Cloud: Wait a second, Tifa. We don't want to interfere with their... *hesitates for a moment* ...party...
Tifa: This isn't a day at the Golden Saucer, Cloud.
Cloud: They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more... foreign dance... y-yeah...
Tifa: Look, I'm cold. I'm wet. And you're trying to sound intelligent!
Cloud: I'm here. There's nothing to worry about.
[Tifa turns around first to see the start of a figure come from the back of the stage. She takes a couple of steps back and takes Cloud with her cautiously. Rufus slowly makes his way onstage, with the black cape surrounding him and very much like Frank N' Furter was in Rocky Horror Picture Show, but not as much make-up.]
Tifa: *she screams and faints as Cloud catches her*
Sweet Shachou - Rufus, Reno, Aeris, & Yuffie
Rufus: How'd you do I,
See you've met my
Loyal formerly red-haired man.
He's just a little let down
Because, when you knocked,
He thought you were the pizza man. *to Reno* Didn't ya, freaky?
[Rufus begins to do his little strutting thing, as Cloud moves to one side of the stage and watches him out of fright/surprise.]
Rufus: No need to fear me, just by the way I look.
No need to befriend me, 'cause I'm plain mean.
I'm not a kind president by the light of day,
But by night I'm one heck of a lover.
[Off with the cape and- Rufus in his trench coat...?]
All: ......
[Ann comes onto the set, holding a clipboard to her right side.]
Ann: What the HECK are you doing, Rufus?! You're ruining the scene!
Rufus: There is NO way! I am NOT wearing tight leather!
Ann: You HAVE to!
Rufus: NO!
Yuffie: *comes up behind Rufus and speaks sheepishly* Please, Rufus...? For me?
Rufus: ......
[Ann turns and walks back offstage, pleased with her self for making Rufus do this.]
[And off with the cape- and tada! Rufus in a tight leather teddy!]
Rufus: I'm not a sweet shachou
From Bishounen, ShinRa.
Pull up a holster,
Maybe play at the saucer.
You look like you're both pretty adventurous.
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old Super-NES game.
Cloud: I'm glad we caught you at... uh... work...
Could we use your PHS?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.
Tifa: *who has regained consciousness by now and is carefully following Cloud as he cautiously approaches Rufus and she tries to hold back laughter* Right.
Cloud: We'll just call up our friends,
And wait outside.
Elena: *she shakes Rufus' hand as he walks past her* Pleasure to meet you, President ShinRa.
Cloud: *tries to gain back Rufus' attention by poking his back and succeeds* We don't want to cause any worry.
Rufus: Well, your Chocobo went flat? Well,
*he raises his eyebrows* How 'bout that?
Well, there's no need to panic.
By the light of the Mako, you'll be glad to know.
I'll get you an instant breeder.
I'm not a sweet shachou,
From Bishounen, ShinRa.
[Rufus walks back to the back of the stage where there's a throne awaiting his godliness and sits down. Yuffie, Aeris, and Reno follow and place themselves around the throne. Yuffie is particularly close to Rufus and watches his every move.]
Rufus: Why don't you stay for the night?
Reno: Night.
Rufus: Or maybe a bite?
Yuffie: *licks her lips as she glances to Cloud and Tifa again* Bite.
Rufus: I could show you my newest... obsession.
I've got Hojo making a gourd
With long hair and a sword
And he's good for giving me some... tension.
I'm not a sweet shachou
From Bishounen, ShinRa
*runs a hand through his hair* BUDDHA SHIMATTA!!
I'm not a sweet shachou...
Yuffie, Aeris, & Reno: Sweet shachou...
Rufus: From Bishounen...
[Rufus hurriedly rushes close to the exit off the stage from behind his throne, not wanting to strut around in his leather for too long.]
Rufus, Yuffie, Aeris, & Reno: ShinRa... Ra-Ra!
Rufus: *turns to face Cloud and Tifa as he smirks*
So - come up to Hojo's lab,
And see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with pure... fright...
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame.
So I'll remove the cause,
But not the sympton.
[Rufus exits the scene and the Turks (minus Yuffie, Cloud, and Aeris) begin to head offstage as Aeris and Reno tend to Cloud and Tifa, taking their coats and then tossing them to Yuffie. Aeris begins to take off Cloud's shirt as he's wearing one beneath it and starts to take off his pants as he smacks her hands and she backs away and takes his shirt, tossing it to Yuffie. Reno does the same thing, only to have Tifa do the same thing to him that Cloud did to Aeris. After this, Aeris places a sign upon Cloud's back and front saying, "Sephiroth, kick me." And Reno does the same to Tifa and they say, "Sephiroth, kick him." The two placing the signs chuckle back and forth at this.]
Tifa: Cloud!
Cloud: It's all right, Tifa. Just play it cool for now. We'll fulfill our vengeance later.
[As Aeris goes back in towards Cloud's pants, he smacks her hands again, followed by Tifa doing the same. And then as Reno reaches out his hand to Tifa to touch her hair, he suddenly decides not to, in fear of being smacked and hit in... other places...]
Yuffie: *grinning as she watches this* Oh, come on, you guys! This is supposed to be fun! Try to relax!
Cloud: Um... right. Hi. My name is Cloud Strife, and this is my fiancé, Tifa Lockheart; ah... you are...?
Yuffie: *searching their shirts and jackets for materia* You're very lucky to be invited up to Hojo's laboratory. Rufus only lets privileged people up there. *gives a special tone for the word "privileged"*
Cloud: Have you seen it?
Yuffie: *smiles slightly* And more. *she tosses Tifa and Cloud's shirts and jackets to the floor*
Reno: *pushes Tifa and Cloud towards the exit of the back of the stage where Rufus exited from* Come along - the President doesn't like to be kept waiting.
Aeris: Shift it!
[Everyone blankly stares at Aeris, not believing that she actually just yelled that.]
Aeris: *timidly* Please...?
[Reno pushes them through the exit and then comes back to pull Aeris after him as Rufus enters from the side where Red's room is as he waits there, kind of waiting for the others to come back. The others come in from the opposite side of the stage, still talking, not noticing Rufus just yet as he's leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, once again wearing the trench coat.]
[Scene IV: We arrive in Hojo's lab along with a quick change of set slightly, since the others return now.]
Tifa: *to Yuffie* Is he, um, Rufus, I mean... is he your husband?
Yuffie: *palms the back of her neck as she giggles*
Reno: The President is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are simply his... associates.
Tifa: But uh- have you... has he...?
Aeris, Reno, & Yuffie: Yes?
Tifa: *shakes her head quickly* Never mind.
[They finally stop talking as they look to Rufus and he walks to the center of the stage, uncrossing his arms and brushing himself off.]
Rufus: Aeris, Yuffie, go assist Reno. I will entertain... *reaches his hand out to Cloud to shake it* ...Uh huh, huh...
[Reno, Aeris, and Yuffie go through the back exit and come back with the wonderfully home-made pod that has Sephiroth in it and they basically dust it off and try to make it look as pretty as they can.]
Cloud: *ignores the handshake now* Cloud Strife. This is my fiancé, Tifa "Flockheart".
Tifa: LOCKheart.
Cloud: Lockheart? Um.
Rufus: *slick-ly grabs Tifa's hand and kisses it* Enchante.
Tifa: *giggles like a schoolgirl*
Rufus: Well! How nice. And what charming... signs... you have... but here. Put these on. *hands each of them a dress like from the Wall Market fiasco* They'll make you feel less... vulnerable...
[Cloud sighs, as he has to wear a dress ONCE AGAIN, while Rufus tries to suppress his laughter.]
Rufus: It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality.
Cloud: Hospitality?! We don't care about what is going on here, but we have asked to use your PHS, which you have chosen to forget about!
Tifa: Cloud, don't be ungrateful.
Cloud: Ungrateful?! *poses like he's ready for a fight*
Tifa: *takes the dresses from Rufus and puts hers on after handing Cloud his dress* ......
Rufus: How stupid you are, Cloud. Such a perfect specimen of a SOLDIER. So... blind. You must be awfully proud of him, Tifa. *says this mockingly*
Tifa: As a matter of fact, I am.
Rufus: Have you ever been exposed to Mako, Cloud?
Cloud: *nervously* N-no... *quickly puts on his dress now with help from Tifa to avoid this uncomfortable situation*
Rufus: Oh, well... *turns to Tifa* How about you?
Tifa: Do I look like a man to you? *gestures at her chest*
Reno: Everything is in readiness, President. We merely await your... word.
Rufus: Tonight, my mindless minions... you are about to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and the Promised Land is to be mine!
[A short applause from everyone onstage, except Red, if he's even there. A hesitant applause comes from Cloud and Tifa as they exchange looks.]
Rufus: It was strange the way it happened.... Suddenly, Hojo finally figured it out.... Who pieces had to fit into place for him to figure out how.... What a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a small experiment to make it happen.... AN EXPERIMENT...
Aeris & Yuffie: An experiment!
Rufus: ...and that's how he discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the breath of life.... Yes, we have that knowledge.... We hold the secret... to life... itself!
[Once again, more clapping comes from those onstage, except Red, hesitant applause from Cloud and Tifa who take a couple steps back. The figure of Hojo comes from the back exit onto the stage with a clipboard as he examines the pod and takes some notes on it.]
Rufus: *turns to Hojo, who is still taking down notes* You see, you are fortunate, for tonight is the night that the destructive creature is destined to be REBORN! Up now!
[Yuffie and Aeris open the pod on the sides, so the audience can't see Sephiroth yet as Hojo starts to tap on the pod thing now and then press his ear to it to listen to Sephiroth, who's making silly little whimpering sounds.]
Hojo: Why wasn't I the star of this?
All: ......
Hojo: Well, I AM the one who figured out how to bring him back to life.
All: *their eyes widen as they watch him, unsure if he's about to do anything else*
[Ann walks back on with her clipboard and dressed in her "I am the Director" garb.]
Ann: Look, Hojo. If Rufus had been wearing a teddy like he was SUPPOSED to *she glares at Rufus now* then... well... no one wants to see YOU in a teddy.
Hojo: Oh?
Ann: *nod, nod* They'd much rather see Rufus here in a teddy... like he was SUPPOSED to be! *glares at Rufus again, this time harder* Ne, minna?
All: ......
[Ann pulls out the casts' paychecks and she threatens to tear them apart.]
Ann: NE, minna??
All: OF COURSE!!
Ann: Now, Hojo... *taps him on the head with a pencil and then shoves him offstage* you aren't needed any longer. Rufus, continue...
[Ann hurriedly runs offstage in the opposite direction from where she shoved Hojo and goes back to directing. The others, Yuffie, Aeris, Reno, and Rufus, of course, all begin to awaken the creature, Sephiroth.]
Rufus: ...Throw open the switches on the Life 2 materia ports... and step the Mako power input THREE MORE POINTS!
Yuffie: *palms the back of her neck* We can't...
Rufus: What?! Why not?!
Aeris: *points to the pod now* Hojo broke off all the switches before he left. Can't we just let it open and tear it?
Rufus: *hangs his head because this moment was ruined now* Whatever...
[As Aeris and Yuffie start trying to tear apart the pod, it begins to shake and rattle and they step away for a brief moment.]
Tifa: *grabs onto Cloud* Oh, Brad!
Cloud: Again with this "Brad," who is it?
Tifa: *lets him go and palms the back of her neck as she blushes* Hee, hee...
[The pod falls to its sides to reveal a full-mummified/bandaged body. Aeris walks over and tears off the cover of the face to reveal Sephiroth.]
Rufus: Oh! Sephy!
[Sephiroth, who's completely not enthusiastic about this whole ordeal, not to mention that he has to be remade, growls. He steps back, nearly tripping over the back side of the pod, trying to escape Rufus' groping hands. He tears off the rest of the mummification bandages from him to reveal him all clothed in black and armed with his super long sword (7 feet long to be exact).]
The Sword of Cloud - Sephiroth & the Turks
Sephiroth: The sword of Cloud is hanging over my stash,
And I've got the feeling someone's gonna start Omnislash.
[Because Sephiroth got away before Rufus could grope him, Rufus takes his anger out by kicking Reno to the ground.]
Rufus: YOU IDIOT!
Sephiroth: Oh, woe is me, I don't know what I am.
Oh, can't you see, that I don't even know that Hojo's my father?
I woke up from this pod with a start, when I was filled with shame.
Turks: That ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: And left from my dream where I was surrounded by fame.
Turks: That ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: My powers are low,
Cloud's dressed up with no place to go. *smirks at Cloud since he's still in a dress*
And all I know, is that I don't even know who's my father.
[With this sung, Sephiroth begins to run around the stage in a big-sized circle and Rufus runs after him furiously trying to catch him. Note that Rufus is going to spend a lot of time jumping over the obstacles in the room now.]
Rufus: Oh, Sephy!
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: Oh, ho, no, no.
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: Oh, ho, no, no.
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: Oh, ho, no, no.
The sword of Cloud is hanging over my stash.
Rufus: *finally stops chasing him and Sephiroth stops running, still singing, and he(Rufus) brings a hand up to brush through his hair* Another failure on Hojo's account.
Turks: That ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: And I've got the feeling someone's gonna start Omnislash.
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery.
And, can't you see, that I don't even know that Hojo's my father?
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: Oh, no, no, no.
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime.
Sephiroth: Oh, no, no, no.
Turks: Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime,
Sha-la-la-la.
Rufus: Well, really. That's no way to behave your first day released.
Sephiroth: RAGE! *swings his sword around angrily*
Rufus: *backs away from him now* But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I'll have to forgive you.
Sephiroth: SICK! *he continues to slice his sword's blade through the air*
Rufus: *smirks, even though Sephiroth isn't listening* Oh, I just love success.
Reno: He's a credit to your company, Sir.
Rufus: *excited (on Rufus' standards)* Yes.
Aeris: A triumph of the Cetra.
Rufus: *excited (on an average person's standards)* Yes.
Yuffie: *totally un-climatic, she's jealous* He's all right...
Rufus: All right? *smacks a let over piece of the pod angrily* All right?! I think we can do better than that!
[Rufus cautiously drags Sephiroth over to Cloud and Tifa. Cloud glares at Sephiroth as Tifa checks him (Sephiroth) out.]
Rufus: Well, Cloud and Tifa, what do you think of him?
Tifa: Well, um... you see... I don't like men with... too big of a sword.
Turks: Ohhhhh! That one hurt!
[Cloud hangs his head in shame thinking of his Ultima Weapon as Sephiroth snickers at him.]
Rufus: I didn't make him FOR YOU! He carries the Yoshitaka Amano seal of approval.
[Rufus leads Sephiroth over to a package. He unveils it to be all sorts of Final Fantasy and Tenchi Muyo dolls. They all have the tags "Happy B-Day, Sephy" on it.]
I Can Make You Work for Me (Part 1) - Rufus & the Turks
Rufus: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds,
Will get sand in his face,
When I kick him, to the ground.
[Rufus kicks Reno to the ground. All laugh, except Reno, of course.]
Rufus: And soon with training, from vigorous straining,
He becomes to love the cause, and works without pau-uuuse.
We shall make him glisten... and gleam.
And with orders, he'll go back to his - - - quarters.
[As Rufus says "quarters" he develops a VERY evil grin.]
Rufus: He'll kill the mortars and find those illusive borders.
He'll be a strong man. Oh, honey...
Rufus & Turks: But the wrong man.
[Playfully, Yuffie and Rufus hull out a pillow dressed as Cloud for Sephiroth to slash at, which he does, consequently scaring everyone.]
Rufus: He'll beat AVALANCHE-rs stupid protesters. And protect ShinRa...
Find the Promised Land and lead us using his chest, arms, and...
*grab* Shins(?).
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
In just seven games...
Rufus & Turks: I can make you work for me -e-e-e-e-e.
Rufus: He'll do killings and assassinations, find enemies, clean and fast.
He thinks ShinRa is good, must have the brain of an ass (donkey/idiot).
Such strenuous living he just doesn't understand,
When in just seven games, oh, baby,
...I can make you work for me-e-e-e-e-e.
[As Rufus trails off in his song, he and Sephiroth make their way over to the exit off stage opposite of Red's room. Sephiroth pushes Rufus to the ground and steps on him before rushing off to the other side of the stage now. Suddenly, the fade-in music of "The Nightmare Begins" can be heard.]
Yuffie: VINCENT!
[On cue, Vincent walks in carrying a sword, which is quite different, on account that he usually has Death Penalty (fade-out music of his theme song). He's clothed in his normal wear. Yes, Yuffie and Vincent... "visit" each other onstage at this time (just the basic convincing kiss and real hug.]
Whatever Happened to Lucrecia? - Vincent
Vincent: Whatever happened to Lucrecia,
When I was a Turk and gave her a smirk?
I haven't been the same since Hojo worked.
He came into her life, even though I was a Turk.
I used to write her and asked her to go,
To come with me and leave Hojo, but no!
ShinRa was creating an evil scheme.
She let them test, NO! That creature was born!
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Rude: *dancing with the other Turks* ...... She never loved you, man......
Vincent: *ignores that disturbing comment as he continues*
My head used to swim from the guilt that I felt.
My hands always trembled, so I hid all away.
They captured me and changed me all the way.
And she'd whisper in my ear. I can still hear her voice.
Hide in the coffin, and dream for so long,
Because, baby, this is gonna be my last song.
With your arms around me I'll try to move along.
She let them test, NO! That creature was born!
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so.
[Before Vincent can get into the second time of repeating the line, " Oh, Lucrecia, curse my soul, I really loved you oh - so," Rufus takes Sephiroth's sword without him noticing and casually starts stalking Vincent as he notices this and nervously backs away, still singing. At this moment, Yuffie is whimpering. Rufus finally chases Vincent offstage the way he came on and the sound of Rufus beating Vincent with the sword is heard and Yuffie starts to scream. Rufus comes back on and gives her a sharp look and she immediately stops screaming.]
Rufus: One from the shop.
[Everyone laughs uncertainly at the unfunny joke.]
Sephiroth: STUPID! *takes his sword back from Rufus and begins to hit the pod with it*
Rufus: Oh, Sephy!!
[Rufus starts to push Sephiroth offstage as Sephiroth turns back to him and gives him a MEAN look.]
Rufus: Now, don't be upset.... *he brings a hand up to brush through his hair* It was a mercy killing.... He had a certain naïve following, but no... sword.
Sephiroth: *brings the blade of his sword to Rufus' neck*
Rufus: *gets kind of turned on, for no reason at all* Oh!
[Rufus easily pushed the sword away from his neck and bursts back into song.]
I Can Make You Work for Me (Part 2) - Rufus & the Turks
Rufus: But Mako and a taste for blood.
A hot temper and cruel-ishness.
Makes me, ooh... *shakes beside Elena now* SHAKE!
Makes me want to take Amano by the... ha - ha - hand.
Rufus & Turks: In just seven games I can make you work for me-e-e-e-e-e.
[Reno comes over to Rufus to take off the trench coat, but Rufus refuses. Finally Aeris walks over and the two pair up, ripping off the trench coat. Hence, Rufus is back in the leather.]
Rufus: I don't want no dissension, just dynamic tension.
Tifa: I'm a killing fan.
[Aeris rolls her eyes and moves away from Tifa, as Cloud gives Tifa an odd look.]
Rufus: In just seven games, I can make you work for me-e-e-e-e-e.
Do it, if you ca----an
In just seven games, I can make you work for me.
[Cue the wedding march. Rufus takes Sephiroth's arms. Sephiroth looks at him with unease. He knows what's up, and he doesn't like it. The two begin to march to the back exit of the stage. As the two walk, the Turks throw rice.]
Turks: Promised Land, Promised Land, rah-rah-rah!
Promised Land, Promised Land, rah-rah-rah!
Promised Land, Promised Land, rah-rah-rah!
Promised Land, Promised Land, rah-rah-rah!
[As Sephiroth walks offstage first, Rufus turns back to the Turks and nods.]
Rufus: You are all idiots.
[Rufus turns back and walks offstage. As this ends this scene, the audience can see Sephiroth unsheathing his sword for an assault.]
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Red XIII: There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of the imagination. If this is so, then Cloud and Tifa are quite safe... however, the sudden departure of the President... and his creation... into the seclusion of his quarters had left them feeling both sickened to their stomachs and fearing. A feeling, which grew as the Turks departed and they were shown to their separate dorms.
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[Scene V: Tifa's Dorm Room.]
[Tifa's room is in a red theme and although all is quiet, Tifa is unaware to the two lurkers in the shadows, watching over her... Aeris and Reno. As Tifa walks around lightly in a circle, she ponders what it is that she and Cloud are doing there. After pacing for a few moments, she hesitates and waits before finally leaning against the wall to her right (assuming that she's facing the audience) and looking as though she were to peer through a window. Aeris and Reno have their cameras out, as though they expect anything to be coming now. A figure rushes in and stands behind Tifa as they put their arms around her.]
Tifa: Who the-?! Who’s there?!
Rufus: *Cloud’s voice* It’s only me, Tifa.
Tifa: Oh, Cloud!
[The figure behind Tifa embraces her in a tight manner.]
Tifa: Oh, Cloud! My prince… I’m so happy you’re here…
Rufus: *Cloud’s voice* It’s all right, Tifa. I’ll be sure to protect you.
[The figure, Rufus, goes back to embracing her.]
Tifa: Oh, I hope so, my prince. Ohhhh… you’re so warm.
[Tifa turns to face Rufus and ruffles his hair to reveal that it’s him.]
Tifa: OHHH! It’s you!
Rufus: I’m afraid so, Miss Lockheart, but isn’t it nice…? *embraces her a bit tighter now*
Tifa: *pushes him away* Oh, you jerk! You… terrible man! Oh, what you have with Cloud?!
Rufus: Oh, well… nothing. Why, do you think I should?
Tifa: You tricked me! If you had never come in here and pretended to be Cloud, I wouldn’t have… I never…
Rufus: Oh, come now. It wasn’t that bad, was it? I think you found my embrace quite warm as I recall it. *smirks* I am a president after all…
[Rufus puts his arms around Tifa again.]
Tifa: Oh, stop! I mean, help! Cloud! Cloud! Oh, Cloud!!
Rufus: Ssh… Cloud’s fast asleep by now. You don’t want him to see us together like… this…
[With his arms around Tifa, it really doesn't look quite right, so let's just say it look wrong.]
Tifa: Like this... heck no, I won't go! *she smacks him on the ear* It's your fault! You're the evil one here... I was saving my lips...
Rufus: Well, I'm sure they're not completely SPENT yet... *he leans over to kiss her*
[Tifa gives up and she allows him to kiss her for a brief moment.]
Tifa: *in a timid manner* Promise you won't tell Brad?
Rufus: *blinks* Who's Brad...?
Tifa: Oh, it's not important-
[Tifa pulls Rufus offstage after her as Reno and Aeris snap pictures of the two of them together, obviously their disturbing fetish. The two now run onstage (Reno and Aeris) as Sephiroth is sitting on the opposite side of the stage, slight scene changes being made at this time. Sephiroth is sleeping and cuddling with his sword as Reno and Aeris chuckle to themselves. Reno walks over to Sephiroth and takes his sword, and Sephy automatically wakes up. Sephiroth, defenseless without his precious sword, reaches out for the sword like a little kid who just had his candy taken away. Reno starts to back away as Sephiroth chases him. Reno turns and runs offstage with Aeris as Sephiroth follows after them.]
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Red XIII: Well, with Tifa cheating on Cloud and Sephiroth missing his sword, it seems that everything is falling apart. Unfortunately, things are about to get worse...
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[Scene VI: Cloud's Dorm Room.]
[Cloud's room is done in a blue theme (this should have taken some kind of place while Aeris and Reno were teasing Sephy, and while Red was talking). Like Tifa, he's pacing back and forth in the dimness, and Rufus' shadow comes from the back of the stage as he puts his arms around Cloud and embraces him. Aeris and Reno, having hidden Sephiroth's sword are waiting offstage and watching Rufus and Cloud, again with their cameras and their sick fetish of taking pics.]
Rufus: *with Tifa's voice* Oh, Cloud, we can't stay here. It'll destroy our minds.
Cloud: Don't worry... Tifa. We'll get out of here in the morning.
Rufus: *with Tifa's voice* Oh, Cloud... you're so strong and protective...
[Cloud turns to face Rufus and freezes when he sees Rufus, feeling a little nervous now.]
Cloud: OMAEKA!
Rufus: I'm afraid so, Strife... but isn't it nice...? *he pulls Cloud a little closer to him*
Cloud: *tries to shove him off with a failed attempt* Ack! Get offa' me! What have you done with Tifa?
Rufus: *all innocent-like* Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?
Cloud: You terrible creature! You tricked me! I wouldn't have... I'd never... never... never... EVER!
Rufus: Oh, yes, yes. I know... *leans in to kiss Cloud* But it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it. I am the President after all. *he smirks*
Cloud: Stop it... stop it... Oh, Tifa... TIFA!
Rufus: Shhh. Tifa's fast asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like... this...?
[Like before with Tifa, Rufus and Cloud's kissing really doesn't look wrong. In fact, it's just more so wrong in this case.]
Cloud: This?! HECK no, I won't go! *pushes Rufus away from him now as he takes a fighting stance* It's your fault. You're to blame! I thought I'd finally really get to kiss Tifa!
Rufus: Oh, come on, Cloud. Admit it, you liked it, didn't you? There's no crime in having fun with your... fellow man. *he smirks again* Oh, Cloud, make your president happy. Tifa needn't know... I won't tell.
[Rufus pulls Cloud back to him as he goes back to kissing him and Cloud finally gives in.]
Cloud: *in a gingerly manner he speaks* Well, promise if you won't tell...
Rufus: On my father's graoouuuuuuu....
[He trails off as Reno knocks upon the doorframe and walks in followed by Aeris, after being whispered to by her.]
Reno: *smirks a little bit at the two* President ShinRa, Sephiroth has broken his chains and vanished.
[Aeris rushes offstage after snapping another picture of Cloud and Rufus against each other.]
Reno: The new experiment is loose and somewhere on the grounds. Aeris has just released... Dark Nation. *howls can be heard offstage*
Rufus: Mmmmm? *annoyed by this news now* Coming!
[Rufus and Cloud kiss for a couple more moments, and then Rufus pulls Cloud offstage after him as Reno goes the other way (during this time, they change the set for a moment) and a couple moments later, Tifa walks on slowly. She seems a little confused and upset at the same time.]
Tifa: *she looks left* What's happening here? *she looks right now* Where's Cloud? *looks up* Where's anybody?
[She continues walking around slowly while Sephiroth inconspicuously makes his way onstage from the back exit/entrance (Rufus' renowned area) and hides in one half of his broken pod from earlier.]
Tifa: *oblivious to Sephiroth being there* Oh, Cloud. Cloud, my saviour, how could I have done this to you? Oh, if only we hadn't made this journey... if only the Chocobo hadn't tired out... oh, if only we were amongst friends... or sane people - Oh, Brad... ah- I mean, Cloud.... What have they done with him?
[She spots a picture that lays against the ground near the part of the stage where Aeris last exited. As she picks it up, her eyes widen, realising it's a picture of Cloud and Rufus... kissing... or something bad like that.]
Tifa: CLOUD! *she acts shocked now* Oh, Cloud.... How- no- WHY would you??
[Cue on Sephiroth's soft whimpering, still hiding in his pod, but attempting to peek over the edge at Tifa. At this moment, the broken half of the pod that's covering Sephiroth looks like a coffin. Tifa stops her crying and walks over to the pod, finding Sephiroth, who is cut up by bites of Dark Nation (Note: Sephy, do you mind if we draw on you?), and is still missing his sword (thus, his reason for whimpering/crying.]
Tifa: Oh, you're hurt.... Did they do this to you?
Sephiroth: SWORD!
Tifa: Here, I'll dress your wounds... *she tears off a piece of her shirt and wraps it around his hand* ... Baby, there...
Sephiroth: NICE. *puts his hand on top of Tifa's and smiles*
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Red XIII: Emotion, agitation, or disturbance of the mind... vehement or excited mental state. It is also a powerful and irrational master... and from what Aeris and Yuffie eagerly viewed through the observation soundproof bedroom there seemed little doubt that Tifa was, indeed... its slave.
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[Scene VII: Tifa and Sephiroth; Yuffie and Aeris]
[Yuffie and Aeris watch Tifa approach Sephiroth. Yuffie, of course, has her hair done in odangos and is dressed in cute jammies, and doing Aeris' nails (whatever colour you want, I (Usagi) don't care). Aeris, who is brushing her perfectly shiny hair, for once not wearing it in her style of pig tails. (Note: Keep in mind, Tifa, that you cannot see them or hear them, but you will be cued by everyone else's lines, so please mark this.)]
Aeris & Yuffie: Tell us about it, Tifa. *the two laugh*
[Tifa starts to corner Sephiroth as she places her hand against the pod, and then picks it up and tosses it to the side (hopefully hitting something on the way).]
Zach-a Zach-a Zach Me - Tifa, Yuffie, Aeris, and Others
Tifa: I was feeling jipped... couldn't kick...
I'd only ever kissed Cloud before.
Yuffie: You mean she's...
Aeris: *nods slowly, intrigued by this* Uh-huh...
Tifa: I thought there's no use getting,
Into a leisurely setting.
It only leads to heartbreak,
And... *smirks* bed wetting.
Now all I want to know... is how it goes...
I've tasted blood and I want more.
Aeris &Yuffie: More, more, more...
[Tifa leans over and smiles to Sephiroth as he hesitates before sitting up and then stands up, taking a couple steps away from her.]
Tifa: I'll let you have your way,
I'll kiss you anyway.
I've got hunger to feed,
Just give me your say.
Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach me,
I miss him so much!
Hug me, hold me, impress me,
Creature of Mako.
[She starts to follow Sephiroth as she reached out and grabs him by the arm and pulls him close to her slowly, still singing.]
Tifa: Then if anything grows, while you pose,
I'll knock you up, and bring you down.
Aeris & Yuffie: Down, down, down...
Tifa: That's just small fraction, of the main attraction.
You want to find your sword and I want action.
Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach me,
I miss him so much!
Hug me, hold me, impress me,
Creature of Mako.
[Aeris and Yuffie, meanwhile, are having a field day with this outrageous silly song. They begin to mock it in their annoying voices.]
Yuffie: Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach me! *huggles/glomps Aeris*
Aeris: I miss him so much! *lightly hits Yuffie with her brush*
Yuffie: Hug me, hold me, impress me! *huggles/glomps even firmer*
Aeris: Creature of Mako! *smacks Yuffie some more with the brush*
[By this time, Tifa's lips of death of nearing Sephiroth's as they convincingly make out, etc., etc. Haven't we had enough of this yet? Tifa releases his lips in these brief moments as she sings (he'll sing later).]
Tifa: Zach-a. Zach-a, Zach-a, Zach me,
I miss him so much!
Hug me, hold me, impress me,
Creature of Mako.
[Cloud comes onstage in a back corner as Reno and Rufus do the same, the three all coming in at the three different exits/entrances.]
Sephiroth: Where's my sword?
Cloud: Who's this BRAD?
Rufus: Why am I doing this?
Aeris: Not fair! I wanted to make out with Sephiroth!
Reno: I'll pretend I'm Sephy, Aeris....
Yuffie: I want MATERIA!
Sephiroth: Why am I here again?
Tifa: Creature of the Mako!
[Rufus comes all the way on now, as Tifa pulls Sephiroth quickly behind a tapestry, so they're not seen together. Rufus now chases Reno around the stage throwing things at him. One of the things hits him in the butt.]
Reno: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!
[Rufus throws another thing as it hits Reno in the butt.]
Reno: HEY! I was asking for mercy!!
Rufus: How did it happen?! I thought you understood that you were supposed to be watching him!
Reno: *starts rubbing his sore butt now* I was only looking away for a moment... President...
Rufus: Well, see if you can find him... *holds up another throwing object* ... outside the window.
[Reno hurries over to the side of the stage close to where Red's room is as he looks like he's going out a window. But instead of seeing Sephiroth, Cid should be waiting offstage for his upcoming entrance.]
Reno: President! President! ...We have a visitor.
[Both Rufus and Cloud run over to that side of the stage and Cloud acts as though he knows who Cid is.]
Cloud: Hey, it's Ciddy! *Reno and Rufus exchange odd looks* ...Dr. Cid Highwind.
Reno: You know this trai- *Rufus glares at him* I mean... person?
Cloud: I sure do! He happens to be an old friend of mine.
Rufus: I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. You came here on purpose.
Cloud: I told you. My Chocobo got tired. I told you the truth.
Rufus: I know what you told me, you idiot... but this Dr. Cid Highwind, his name is not unknown to me.
Cloud: He used to work for the ShinRa space program... of course you would know him...
Rufus: And now he works for the people, doesn't he Cloud?! *starts pushing Cloud around with his hands in a fight manner* He's attached to the group of traitors of that, which you call AVALANCHE! Isn't that right, Cloud!? *he knocks Cloud over*
Cloud: He might be... I don't know.
Reno: The intruder will be entering the lab shortly, President. ...He'll probably be tap dancing...
[Cue for Cid's walk on as the fade in of the Chocobo's Theme music playing as Cid attempts to tap dance and fails miserably on account that he's poorly coordinated for such things.]
Rufus: *to the others as the music softens slightly* Shall we inquire of him?
Cloud: *watches Cid in disbelief* Great Scott!
[The Chocobo's Theme music fades out and Cid stops his... despicable "tap dancing" as he takes his lance and gets into a fighting stance.]
Cid: Rufus, you fleepin fleep! We finally meet!
Cloud: *cautiously shakes Cid's hand getting him to ease a bit with the Venus Gospel lance* Cid!
Cid: Cloud, what the fleep are you doing here?
[Rufus marches between the two and separates them with his hands.]
Rufus: Don't play games, Dr. Highwind. You know exactly why Mr. Strife is here. It was part of your plan, correct? That he and his slipshod girlfriend should check the mansion for you and... your... associates. Well, unfortunately for you all, the plans are to be changed. *pushes his fingers through his hair* I am adaptable, Dr. Highwind; and I know Cloud is. *Cloud's cheeks flush at this comment*
Cid: Not to diss ya, but yer totally wrong. Cloud bein' here scares the FLEEP out of me, in fact. I've come here to find Vincent, fleeper.
Cloud: Vincent! I've seen him! He's -
[Rufus cuts him off as he takes out a machete, stopping him from revealing anymore.]
Rufus: Vincent? What do you know about Vincent, Dr. Highwind?
Cid: I's be happen' to know all about a lot of thin's around here. See Vincent is my fleepin' nephew.
[Cloud and Rufus look at Cid with shock.]
Cloud: R-really?
Rufus: I see no resemblance.
Cid: *palms the back of his neck now* Well, actually, we're jus' friends. I am just following this fleepin' script. *he holds up the part of the script where he comes on, until the end of the play*
Cloud: Oh, I see.
[Rufus takes from Cid the script, paperclips it together and then throws it offstage in the direction where Tifa and Sephiroth are behind one of the tapestries. The two stir a little bit and Rufus walks over to inspect it.]
Cloud: Cid-
[Cloud's interrupted by Rufus pulling up the tapestry quickly, catching Tifa and Sephiroth with their arms around each other, about to kiss again as they glance around with shock.]
Tifa: Ah!
Cid: Tifa!
Tifa: *she looks at Cid* Cid?
Cloud: *in disbelief* Tifa!
Tifa: *she looks at Cloud now* Bra- I mean- Cloud!
Rufus: *disbelief at Sephiroth* Sephy!
Sephiroth: SEGA!
Cid: Tifa!
Tifa: *looks back to Cid* Cid!
Cloud: Tifa!
Tifa: *back to Cloud* Cloud!
Rufus: Sephy!
Sephiroth: SEGA!
Cid: Tifa!
Tifa: *back to Cid* Cid!
Cloud: Tifa!
Tifa: *once again, back to Cloud* Cloud!
Rufus: Sephy!
Sephiroth: SEGA!
Rufus: *finally tired of this, he heaves a sigh* Listen... I made you... well, sort of... and I can break you just as easily. *pushes his fingers through his hair*
[Aeris comes in after leaving the observation room from earlier followed by Yuffie as she rings a bell repeatedly, temporarily deafening everyone in the room and nearly knocking them over.]
Aeris: President, Sir, dinner is prepared!!
Rufus: *annoyed at this moment* Excellent. Under these circumstances, Tifa and Sephiroth are required to join us. *he glares at Tifa, more angry at her than Sephiroth*
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[Scene cuts back to Red XIII as the set changes a bit with a table and some chairs, along with some plates, wine goblets, and silverware (we need to make this really quick!).]
Red XIII: *flipping through another book, this one being a picture book* Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal. However informal as it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be very little... meaning.
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[Scene VIII: The Dinner Over Vincent.]
[Rufus and the others reenter the stage and sit down at the table (we'll need about seven chairs and place settings) as Rufus preps the main food (anyone have suggestions for this? We'll leave the gathering of whatever food we choose to Amy on account that she's our props manager.) After he's done, Aeris and Reno, humourously serve everyone else and then bring in water, pouring it everywhere except IN the wine goblets.]
Rufus: *holds up his wine goblet* A toast... to absent friends...
All: To absent friends.
[Everyone drinks what little water they have in their glasses.]
Rufus: And Sephy... *he puts on a lil' birthday hat* Happy birthday to you, *everyone joins him now, except Sephy* Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Sephy... *he glares at everyone and they all stop singing* Shall we?
Cid: Hey, yo, Rufus! What about fleepin' Vincent?
Yuffie: Vincent?!
[Rufus brings up his fork, threatening to stab her.]
Rufus: That's a rather tender subject. *smirks* More for anyone?
[Everyone automatically stops eating, except Sephiroth, who is still depressed about missing his sword.]
Yuffie: *she realises what she's done* Excuse me...
[She gets up and exits through the backstage and her scream offstage can be heard onstage.]
Cid: Fleep... I 'new he was in a bad crowd, but FLEEP.... This is fleepin'... Aliens!
Sephiroth: EH!
Cloud & Tifa: Cid!!
Rufus: Go on, Dr. Highwind. Or should I say... Dr. CIDNEY Highwind??
Cloud: *bursts out laughing now because of this*
Cid: Fleep you, Rufus!
Cloud: *continues laughing as tears start to show*
Cid: Fleepin', Cloud... you can stop any time now.
[Quick scene change (quick, quick, quick!!).]
Vincent - Cid & All
Cid: From th' day that he joined,
He was fleepin' boring.
He was th' thorn,
In ShinRa's side.
We tried for a while...
[Red XIII starts, still sitting in his room, this time without a book.]
Red XIII: ...but all we could get was a simple smile.
[Back to Cid.]
Cid: He left th' coffin th' day we came.
From th' day she was gone.
All's he wanted,
Was to stay warm.
And to kill the fleepin' Hojo.
Shootin' bugs...
Red XIII: He was a low down and depressed punk, even though he was smug!
Cid: Fleepin, fleepin, fleepin, fleep!
All: When Vincent said he wanted to kill in an instant,
We knew we had a great addition.
But when he got dark and depressed, with his Hojo ness...
Rufus: What a sap!
Tifa: Makes you depressed.
Cid: 'nd I fleepin' was.
[In the observation room, now dubbed Yuffie's, Yuffie is surrounded by Vincent pictures with Sephiroth pics and others as well, but mostly Vincent pics.]
Yuffie: Everybody hated me. He nearly, dearly loved me.
Just 'cuz we're secret, doesn't matter to me;
I told him to stay here and talk with me,
But he left to find Lucrecia without even telling me!
Cid: But some fleepin' thing
Must'a scared 'em,
Making 'em warn
Me in a note that reads...
All: *except Cid* What's it say? What's it say?
Vincent: *only the voice (Hint, Jennifer)* I'm lost here without a clue.
Oh, hurry, for I don't know what to do.
They mustn't carry out another evil deed.
[Vincent screams his girly/manly scream.]
All: When Vincent said he wanted to kill in an instant,
We knew we had a great addition.
But when he got dark and depressed, with his Hojo ness...
Rufus: What a sap!
Tifa: Makes you depressed.
Cid: 'nd I fleepin' was.
All: When Vincent said he wanted to kill in an instant,
We knew we had a great addition.
But when he got dark and depressed, with his Hojo ness...
Rufus: What a sap!
Tifa: Makes you depressed.
Cid: 'nd I fleepin' was.
[Rufus pushes the table offstage, revealing Vincent (Note: Sorry, Jenny, remember this when we have a scene change, okay?) with various stab wounds. Cid is shocked, and Tifa goes screaming over to Sephiroth, who welcomes her.]
Rufus: Oh, Sephy! *pushes Tifa away* How could you?!
[Rufus starts chasing Tifa around as Cid and Cloud follow behind the two cautiously. Reno and Aeris quickly pull Vincent offstage and then come back on as they watch.]
Aeris: Oh, I hope she'll be all right...
Reno: Oh, Aeris... SHUT UP!
Tifa's Spice - Rufus
Rufus: I'm gonna tell you once; I won't say it twice.
You'd better spice--- your act up, Tifa.
Your cocktails never tasted very nice.
You'd better spice--- your act up, Tifa.
I've laid a seed, should you ever find a need.
You make me corny, it's makin' me awfully horny, wind me round like string.
When we kissed, didja hear the doves sing?
[He stops chasing her because she's tired of running and she repeatedly backs away from him.]
Rufus: Don't stop to talk. The guy's 'll just walk.
You better spice--- your act up, Tifa.
The transducer will seduce ya.
Tifa: *suddenly stops nearly falling over* I can't move my feet!
Cid: *stops also* FLEEPIN', FLEEPIN', FLEEPIN', FLEEP! RUFUS, YOU FLEEPIN', FLEEPIN, FLEEPIN', FLEEPED, FLEEPER!!!
Cloud: *stops as well* It's as it we can't move!
All: *everyone except Cloud sigh and hang their heads for a brief moment* ......
Rufus: I'm glad you catch on so quickly, Cloud...
Tifa: Oh, no! We're trapped... with CLOUD!
Rufus: It's something you'll get used to.
It's called marriage; isn't it just so nice?
[Reno and Aeris take a couple more steps in, having not been stopped (like Rufus). Trailing behind them is an uncertain Sephiroth.]
Cid: Ya won't find ODD people bein' stuck to where they are. Th' conic transducer... it's... some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device?
Cloud: ...... Huh?
Cid: It's somethin' we've been working on for a'while. But it seems the fleepin' fleeped fleeper has found out how to make it. Fleep... this's a device which can break down solid matter and then project it through space and... who knows? Perhaps even time...
Tifa: Does that mean he can bring back my mother?
[Rufus smirks as he walks over to Tifa and puts his arms around her, about to kiss her.]
Rufus: Mu-tha, nata, Tifa!
You'd better spice--- your act up, Tifa.
You'd better spice up, bat those eyes.
You'd better spice up.
[Red makes another vocal appearance here, still onstage.]
Red XIII: And then she cried out...
Tifa: *beats on Rufus' chest* STOP!
Rufus: Don't get so antsy, my dear!
Open your ears, so you can hear!
Cloud: You're a bad man, but you better not try to lust her, Rufus ShinRa!
[Aeris steps forward with a spray bottle full of a liquid labeled "Petrify" and she uses it on Cloud, as he freezes, now petrified.]
Cid: Ya a bad man, but ya betta' not try ta lust her, Rufus ShinRa!
[Aeris petrifies Cid now.]
Tifa: You're a bad man --
[Aeris petrifies her next.]
[Rufus smiles with triumph.]
Yuffie: My Buddha! I can't take this anymore! First you drop me for Vincent, and then you shoot him down like a sick dog for Sephiroth! You use people up and then you toss 'em out like trash... I loved you... do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I'll tell you: no materia, that's what. You're like a sponge. You suck, suck, suck, and take others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough of this crap! You're gonna choose between me and Sephiroth - And don't try any tricks this time!
[Aeris petrifies her as well.]
Sephiroth: MEAN!
[Aeris petrifies him of course.]
Rufus: It's not easy having a good time... even smiling makes me face ache... and my minions turn against me.... Sephy's acting just the way that Vincent did. *he turns to Aeris and Reno* Do you think Hojo made a mistake, using his own cells to make Sephiroth?
Aeris: Ahhhh! Who cares about all of that? When shall we return to ShinRa, huh?
Rufus: Aeris, I am indeed grateful to both you and your... mate... Reno. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go without reward. You will discover that when the mood takes me, I might actually be generous.
Aeris: I ask for nothing... Sir.
Rufus: And you shall receive it... in abundance!
[Rufus slams his fist into the wall where he was leaning and walks towards the back exit offstage.]
Rufus: Come, it's time for the floor show!
[Rufus leaves as Aeris and Reno dance around the petrified people for a moment before starting another scene change (the final scene change, I (Usagi) think).]
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Red XIII: And so, by some extraordinary coincidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Cloud and Tifa should keep their appointment with their friend, Dr. Cid Highwind. But it was to be in a situation, which none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Cloud and Tifa had both tasted... forbidden fruit. This in itself was proof that the President was a man of little morale... and some persuasion. What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that is spoken of? In an empty house? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan had been formed in Rufus' crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be no picnic.
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[Scene IX: The Floor Show.]
[Rufus is preparing the petrified people in their weird positions, they're all dressed in really weird and funky outfits, with dark make up, as he is now wearing his trench coat with his leathery outfit showing still. Now... what we've all been waiting for... the finale!]
Materia-ize My World - All
[Aeris comes onstage as Rufus takes his spot in the center of all of them, but then in the back of the stage. She is carrying a basket with spray bottles marked, "Soft" on them now and she uses one on Yuffie.]
Yuffie: *unpetrified now* It was great when it all began.
I was a regular materia fan.
But it was over when I met the man.
Who would soon hold my heart in his hand.
Now the only thing that makes me stay,
Is that love of Vincent's way.
Materia-ize my world, and give me all of it ba - ack.
[Aeris uses a soft on Sephiroth now.]
Sephiroth: I never wanted to be in this place,
Ann's makin' me do things that make me sick.
And somebody should be told,
But no one's around, it's because she's old.
Now the only thing I've come to like,
Is when Vincent rode Cloud's bike.
Materia-ize my world, and give me all of it ba - ack.
[Aeris uses a soft on Cloud.]
Cloud: It's beyond me; I don't get it!
I'll be silent; test me.
Burn this place down!
What's this? Let's see,
I feel sexy!
What the heck is this?!
Whoo! Here it comes again!
[And Aeris uses a soft upon Tifa.]
Tifa: I have been released; times with Cloud have deceased.
My lust for love increased, something oh-so-dear.
The game has succeeded; yet I still feel this need to.
It's the best! Thank you, Rufus!
His lust is so sincere.....
[Behind Rufus, the ShinRa logo is posted and Rufus struts forward, with the sparklies upon his face and still wearing the white trench coat and leather get up.]
Don't Fear It - All
Rufus: Whatever happened to Crono?
That silent, red-haired fool?
As he fought for time
How we turned up the sound....
'Cause we wanted to feel the game.
Give yourself over to the Squaresoft masters.
Swim the warm waters, and develop the powers.
Sporadic nightmares, beyond any measure,
And sensual daydreams are yours to treasure forever.
Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh... Oh!
[Rufus steps back a bit as he struts back and forth now, watching the others closely.]
Rufus: Don't fear it, buy it.
Don't fear it, buy it.
Don't fear it, buy it.
Don't fear it, buy it.
All: Don't fear it, buy it.
Don't fear it, buy it.
Don't fear it, buy it.
Don't fear it, buy it.
[The others begin to dance around together, each person paired to each other, giving the impression that they're making out, before moving on to a new partner. Rufus watches happily, not participating (for once). Aeris drops a Soft and it rolls over to Cid and touches him as he is unpetrified now. He is totally oblivious to the fact that he is also made and dressed up.]
Cid: Tch! Fleep! What the fleep has happen'd to them?! I've gotta get them out of this fleepin' place before they get zapped into some fleeped place! I've got to be strong, an' hang on, or else I might as well fleepin', fleepin', fleep, or I'll............ *finally realises what he's wearing* FLEEPIN', FLEEPIN, FLEEP!!
Cloud: *ignoring Cid now* It's beyond me; I STILL don't get it!
Tifa: *also ignoring Cid now* Buddha bless Square and Rufus!
Wild and Untamed Thing - All
Rufus: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my... My!
I'm a mean and evil thing.
I've got a fine body and an evil sting.
One shot an' you'll hear the angels sing.
Your life 'll be over and you'll hear a gong ring.
So let's continue the search for Mako.
We're gonna find it and make mo---ney.
Materia-ize my world, and give me all of it ba-ack.
[The others stop "making out" with each other and follow after Rufus as they all dance and stuff.]
All: We're mean and evil things.
We've got fine bodies and evil stings.
One shot an' you'll hear the angels sing.
Your life 'll be over and you'll hear a gong ring.
So let's continue the search for Mako.
We're gonna find it and make mo---ney.
Materia-ize my world, and give me all of it back.
[Cid slides in front of everyone and does a solo can-can and then returns back to their weird dancing now.]
All: We're mean and evil things.
We've got fine bodies and evil stings.
One shot an' you'll hear the angels sing.
Your life 'll be over and you'll hear a gong ring.
So let's continue the search for Mako.
We're gonna find it and make mo---ney.
Materia-ize my world, and give me all of it back
[Suddenly, Aeris and Reno rip down the ShinRa logo, dressed in the Turk uniforms. Aeris now has HEAVY make up on and Reno's wearing his sunglasses. Rufus swallows hard, while all the others are shocked and curious on what's going on.]
Reno: Rufus ShinRa, your time is up!
Your mission has failed 'ya;
This whole thing is way too silly.
I'm the new president;
You are now my associate.
We return to ShinRa.
Prepare to leave.
[Aeris nods and is about to leave when Rufus shouts...]
Rufus: Wait! I can explain!
[Rufus walks over to Yuffie and whispers some things in her ear. She quickly runs over to one side of the stage. Rufus then shoves Sephiroth over to the other side of the stage, and Cloud, Tifa, and Cid all separate as they listen to Rufus' now cued song.]
I'm Going Back - All
Rufus: On the day I was sent away...
All (except Rufus; he doesn't sing with "All" throughout this song): Farewell...
Rufus: Was all I ever said...
All: Now I...
Rufus: I've finally found a place to stay.
All: Oh, my, my...
Rufus: Tell me that I may.
'Cause I've seen, oh, Mako eyes,
In the mirror through my eyes,
And I realise, I'm going back.
All: I'm going back.
[Rufus kneels downs in the center of the front of the stage.]
Rufus: Every where people know my name...
All: ...feeling...
Rufus: ...people like trash, for it's only a game...
All: ...dealing...
Rufus: Cards for Squall, *throws out pretend cards*
Cards for Zida-ne. *deals out more pretend cards*
[Rufus stands back up and someone offstage throws Rufus his black boa.]
Rufus: 'Cause I've seen, oh, Mako eyes,
In the mirror through my eyes,
And I realise, I'm going back.
[Rufus starts to walk out of the auditorium. In his mind, he pictures himself being applauded as the President of ShinRa should be.]
Rufus & All: I'm goin ba-a-ack.
Aeris: How sentimental.
[Rufus turns back to her and the others as he blinks a couple of times.]
Reno: And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said "we" were going to return to ShinRa, I referred only to Aeris and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you thought you were coming, but see, you're remaining here. Well... in the Lifestream that you love so much, anyway. *unsheaths Sephiroth's sword, which he's held all this time*
Cid: Holy FLEEP! That's Sephy's sword!
Reno: Yes, Dr. Highwind. The sword capable of emitting a death of pure anti-mako.
Cloud: You mean... you're going to kill him?
All (except Rufus): DUH, CLOUD!!
Cloud: *palms the back of his neck* What's his crime?
Cid: I saw what the fleepin', fleepin', fleep he did to Vincent! He deserves it!
Reno: Exactly, Dr. Highwind. And now, Rufus ShinRa, your time has come. Say goodbye to all of this, and hello... to the Lifestream!
[Rufus proudly stands up, as he wants to die respectfully.]
Cloud: *whispers loudly to Tifa* Hey, wait a minute... he's not supposed to die until dick 2!
Tifa: ...... Cloud...... *smack* Follow the script for once, okay?
[As Reno is about to stab Rufus, Yuffie screams, and Aeris takes out a dagger and stabs Yuffie until she's dead since her scream is very ANNOYING. Now that Rufus knows Reno is out for blood, fear strikes him and he turns to get away, walking away quickly, and then tripping on account that Cloud stuck his foot out intentionally. Everyone looks to Sephiroth, except Rufus, who's laying on the ground, turning over onto his back.]
Sephiroth: WHAT?
Tifa: *nudges him* You're supposed to get mad now.
Sephiroth: WHY?
Tifa & Cloud: ......
Sephiroth: HA!
[Ann walks back on, once more, and takes Reno's sword and then walks over to Sephiroth as she smacks him in the leg.]
Ann: Now play dead!
Sephiroth: WAH! *holds his leg and falls over*
[Ann walks back over to Reno and hands him the sword, before walking back offstage.]
Cloud: OH, MY BUDDHA!
Tifa: Oh, Reno! You killed Sephy!
Cid: That joke has bin used way too fleepin' much!
Aeris: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.
Reno: *yells now* They didn't like me! He NEVER liked me!
Cid: Ya did good.
[Reno and Aeris start to walk towards Cid and the others.]
Reno: We had to act quick.
Cid: Fleep! Ya're okay by me.
Reno: Dr. Highwind, I'm sorry about your... nephew.
All: *they all shudder at the thought of Cid being related to Vincent*
Cid: Vincent? Well, that fleeper 'rolly a lot happier now.
Reno: You should leave now, Dr. Highwind. Pretty soon, we'll be leaving for the plant Bishounen, in the galaxy of ShinRa. Go... Now! *he turns to Aeris and takes her hands into his as he smiles* Our noble mission is completely, my most beautiful mate, and soon we shall return to the Mako-drenched shores of out beloved planet.
Aeris: Ah, sweet Bishounen, land of Mako. To sing and dance once more to your musical refrain... To deal with that - fight to the right...
Aeris & Reno: Hah!
[The two start dancing like earlier during "The Lifestream."]
Reno: But it's the giant world MAP...
Aeris: That drices you insane!
Reno & Aeris: And our world will go to the Lifestream... again!
[Both laugh insanely as they run off the stage, leaving Cloud, Tifa, and Cid behind, along with the dead bodies and all that.]
RPG Heroes - Tifa, Cid, & Cloud
Cloud: We've done a lot; Buddha knows for how long,
To find the plot. I've even thought...
But all I know... is down inside I'm...
Cid, Cloud, & Tifa: Sleeping......
Tifa: And RPG heroes come to save,
To kick some ass, to free the world,
And all I know... is we are still...
Cid, Cloud, & Tifa: Sleeping.....
Ohhhhhh...... Ohh......
Ohhhhhh...... Ohh......
Ohhhhhh...... Ohh......
Ahh, ahh...
<~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~><~>
Red XIII: And playing, on the TV space,
Some people, are performing heroics...
Lost in time, and lost in space,
And meaning....
Cid, Cloud, Red, & Tifa: Meaning....
Square Double Feature - Reprise - Cid, Cloud, & Tifa
Tifa: Squaresoft,
Double feature...
Rufus has built and,
Lost Sephy.
Cloud: The Mako conquered
Me and Tifa.
The associates have gone to
A distant planet.
Cid: Wo, oh, oh, oh.
At the late night, double feature,
Squaresoft Game.
All Three: I want to play, oh, oh, oh.
At the late night, double feature,
Squaresoft Game...
[The End]
[They exit along with Rufus, Yuffie and Sephiroth and come back for curtain call as they bow (I'll (Usagi) come up with an order later).]