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6 - LOCAL CUSTOMS

We like to think of ourselves as a community. As such, we have manners or "etiquette" that are a little different than Usenet conventions. Just like real life communities we have also developed "jargon" specifically for this group, we have a few in jokes, carry out some specific rituals which may not necessarily be done elsewhere, and have a few "taboo" subjects.

We only have one strict and unbending rule, which effects our behaviour:

This is a place for friendly conversation.

6.1 MANNERS

You may have heard of Netiquette, a set of guidelines that instructs users on how to post correctly. Although this group is no way opposing the use of correct netiquette, we are more lax about the rules than other places. To use a Real Life analogy, remember when your parents taught you table manners? In a very high class restaurant, such strict etiquette must be maintained as the place is formal, and that sort of behaviour is expected. In comparison, this group would be a bunch of old buddies roasting marshmallows around a fire. No-one cares who uses which fork, in fact, some people are probably eating with their fingers. This is a place to relax with friends, not a place to impress people.

Our One and Only Strict and Unbending Rule:

This is a place for friendly conversation.

The above sentence cannot be stressed enough, and is why our customs vary from regular Usenet customs

6.1.1 Why are you shouting? Why are you typing in all-caps?

Probably the most common question from newbies, we use all-caps to converse with the vision impaired members of our group. Although we understand that in other places, typing in all caps would be shouting and would therefore be rude, we prefer the company of our vision impaired friends than to keeping strict netiquette. A Real Life analogy would be that no-one minds if you raise your voice so a deaf person can hear you, but it would be rude to shout at people with good hearing. Hang around a bit and you'll get to know the people who have poor eyesight and those that don't.

NOTE: If you know of a way of getting WebTV to show larger letters on the screen, we'd like to hear about it.

6.1.2 You owe me a new keyboard!

That's what the [BW] was there for. (see section on Warning Labels). Its also good practice to assume that any post by Dave Yehudah, Dave Gerecke or by Bev Dunlop has a BW on it, even if it doesn't explicitly say so. Aww, heck, to be on the safe side, only drink beverages in between messages in rpca - you never know when another gem of hilarity is going to pop up.

6.1.3 Don't you folk know how to quote and trim properly?

For a good netiquette guide, please refer to David Stevenson's page http://www.blakjak.demon.co.uk/nwby_faq.htm

Even with the best intentions and all the rules and regulations you like, people will still post as they see fit. It may seem pointless to have to scroll down to the bottom of a page just to read "LOL" and sometimes messages are so poignant and well written, that the respondent does not want to snip any of the message. People are free to use their own judgement here.

This is in no way discouraging good netiquette. We are all for it. You will never ever be criticised for using good netiquette in rpca. However, getting all het up about someone else's bad netiquette goes against the friendly, casual, relaxed atmosphere that this group is all about. If you feel that its necessary to point out someone else's bad netiquette, please do it privately via e-mail, and make sure that you are polite about it. We were all a newbie once.

6.1.4 Can't you spell?

See above. Spelling flames are even more pathetic than netiquette flames.

6.1.5 Darn it, half these posts aren't even about cats!

That's what happens when friends start to have a conversation - you can start on one topic, and the conversation drifts so far that within 10 minutes you are talking about something else entirely and you didn't even notice the change.

Occasionally people notice and put an [OT] in the subject line to signify that the post is Off Topic (ie, not about cats), but not always. Just think of this group as a bunch of people that became friends because of their cats. It makes it easier to understand the style and content of the posts, particularly the ones that are technically off topic. Would you tell one of your friends to shut up if he just announced his engagement?

6.1.6 Some people have even posted about dogs and other animals.

Actually, they are posting about honorary cats. Many people live in multi-species households and their love of their pets extends not only to their cats but to their other animals as well. In multi-species households, the resident felines will interact with other species, often giving interesting, post-worthy results. If we enforced the "only about cats" rule, we'd be missing half the fun.

You will also note that there are no other groups for pet anecdotes. Until such time as there is, occasionally we'll let a good story about a non-feline sneak by. To help the purists, these should probably be marked as [OT] as well.

6.1.7 What does that "SV:" mean in the subject line?.

"SV:" is automatically used in some Swedish newsreaders in place of the English equivalent "RE:". SV is short for the Swedish word "svar" which translates to "reply" in English. There is a really good flame war going on about the correct usage of "RE:" and "SV:" on the newsgroup news:comp.infosystems.www.authoring.html, please take any flames there.

6.1.8 Daves talking amongst themselves

Any Daves (this shall include Mark) that are talking amongst themselves are being terribly rude. It is considered grossly unfair if the Daves start working together as they would be an unbeatable foe. The members of We Support Patty, Dot, Liz & Senyah will immediatley report all instances of Dave confabulation to The Mothership.

6.2 TABOOS

There are a few things that will cause flame wars here. Most 'seasoned' members already have these topics stuck in their killfile because we simply don't want to read all the vitriol that gets thrown around when one attempts to discuss these topics civilly. Consider these our "hot buttons" if you will.

Also see the section of "What not to post"

6.2.1 Advocating, endorsing, glorifying or otherwise encouraging animal cruelty

Although primarily cat lovers, you'll find most people in this group get very upset when confronted with any sort of animal cruelty. While we are willing to read articles about the results of animal cruelty, the tone of the article must condemn the cruelty. We are always sickened when we hear of another incident where a so-called "human" gets some twisted sort of pleasure by causing the suffering of another living creature, and we will very much rally around the victim. People from this and other cat groups have helped with the recovery of cats they have never met. Such is our concern for our furry friends.

6.2.2 Advocating declawing except for real medical reasons.

Please go to the Declawing Information site http://www.stopdeclaw.com/

Cats come with claws. If you don't like the idea of a cat clawing, don't get a cat.

The operation is effectively amputation. The equivalent operation on humans would be to have the tops of all fingers plus the first knuckle removed, and we consider it a form of animal cruelty.

There is plenty of anecdotal evidence to suggest many declawed cats suffer permanent psychological damage, as they know they have lost their main defence against an attacker, and also that they become far less nimble. There is also evidence to suggest that declawed cats may come to associate the litterbox with pain and will no longer use it correctly as the litter hurts their freshly declawed paws.

Declawing is illegal in the UK, Australia, New Zealand and many other countries. We hope one day it becomes illegal (except for genuine medical purposes) in the USA too.

6.2.3 The indoor/outdoor debate.

We've all go our own viewpoints: only you can decide what is best for your cat. Most people know all the issues back to front and don't want to hear them again

6.2.4 Not spaying/neutering.

Until all the kittens that are being born go into caring happy homes, there will be the need to stop the overpopulation problem. The best way to do this is to spay/neuter your cat before it adds to the problem. The cat will be healthier too.

(I know this is open slather for trolls, but how many trolls read FAQs?)

6.3 JARGON

Each community develops its own slang and jargon. The use of this particular sub-set of the English language identifies the speaker as a member of the group. Just as work places develop job-specific "code words" so do other groups with common interests. This section focuses on the use of various commonly used acronyms and terms that are used on the NG and some of the more common "cat terms".

Since we are a friendly bunch, please ask us if you don't understand something we've said. We don't usually bite.

6.3.1 Acronyms

Usenet in general has developed acronyms and other shorthand to convey often used phrases. This FAQ won't cover all these Usenet acronyms but will attempt to explain some of the common ones used for the benefit of the Usenet and will also explain ones that are fairly group specific.

AFAIK:	As far as I know
BW:	Beverage Warning. Used to donote a funny post. Put down the cup and swallow all liquids before reading otherwise you may snort said liquid all over your keyboard & monitor.
CC:	Cats & Cups. Meaning "put down all cats & cups". Much like the above
CW:	Cruelty Warning. The post mentions various forms of cruelty to animals and some may findit disturbing. The post, of course, will be condemning the cruelty and will probably be asking for prayers and good thoughts to be sent to the victims and their families (fur and bare)
DH:	Dear Husband (also Dick Head, etc)
DW:	Dear Wife (also Damn Wench, etc)
DSH:	Domestic Short Hair. A short haired cat of no specific breed
EL:	Extended Leave. When a cat is no longer living with the slaves in question, but the slaves know where the cat is. (Eg, the cat now resides with the slave's parents, was given to the neighbour down the street, etc. Compare "MIA" or "RB"
FAQ:	Freqently Asked Questions
HTH:	Hope That Helps
IMHO:	In My Humble Opinion
IIRC:	If I Recall Correctly
KFW:	Kitten Fever Warning. This post has content (cute kitten stories, links to cute kitten pictures) that is likely to cause kitten fever (the sudden desire to adopt a kitten)
NG:	Newsgroup, specifically, rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
LOL:	Laughing Out Loud / Lots Of Laughs
MIA:	Missing In Action. Generally denoting that the whereabouts and the state of the cat is unknown
MMS:	Misty Monitor Syndrome. Often caused by a TW post, the monitor suddenly becomes difficult to see after reading a sad or poignant message.
OT:	Off Topic. Used in the subject line to denote a message not involving cats
RB:	Rainbow Bridge. A place "just this side of heaven" where the spirit of dead pets wait for their owners, so that they can "cross the bridge" to heaven together. For more info, look at the "Grief" section
ROFL:	Rolling On Floor Laughing
ROFLMAO:	Rolling On Floor Laughing My Arse Off (there are many variations)
RPCA:	rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
SO:	Significant Other
TW:	Tissue Warning - A sad story
YMMV:	Your Mileage May Vary. Meaning: you may find that it doesn't work quite the same for you.

6.3.2 Terms

These are commonly used terms on the newsgroup.

For a very comprehensive "dictionary" of cat terms, see Flippy's Cat Page
http://www.flippyscatpage.com/catterms.html

3 Daves & a Mark :	If there is more than one possible interpretation of a comment or remark, at least one the group of 3 Daves and a Mark (Dave Y, Dave G, Dave S, or Mark Edwards) are going to interpret it in the lewd way. See "Dave"
Abduction:	[chat] When someone goes mysteriously missing or stops responding (usually because the chat engine is playing up) we think it might be due to the person being mysteriously abducted by The Mothership. See probed
Allcaps:	TYPING ONLY IN CAPITALS
Bandwidth:	The amount of electronic information that can be sent through the internet at anyone time. Think "file size", eg, a jpeg (.jpg) picture takes a lot less bandwidth to send than a bitmap (.bmp) of the same picture. The internet can only cope with so much information at a time or it gets clogged up. Conserving bandwidth ensures that information flows freely.
Burope:	The continent that is directly West of Asia and North of Africa which has the Euro as its main currency. According to Mr Bush, the president of the USA, terrorists have maps which include a place called "Europe". Since we are not terrorists, it stands to reason our maps don't have a "Europe" (and any map that did was quickly corrected with magic-marker). And inthe interestes of international security, we no longer even type or speak of the place that terrorists have on their map lest we be accused of being terrorists ourselves.
Cat Slave:	A Human
catslaves	The Yahoogroups that is basically an annexe of the NG. Mainly used to post pictures, recipes and to e-mail each other about the mysterious lack of posts. You have to have a YahooID to join. Refer to the catslaves section See also http://groups.yahoo.com/group/catslaves
Cello:	When a cat sticks one of its hind legs straight up in the air to wash, it look like a cello
Chat:	The best way of procrastinating and otherwise wasting your life ever invented. See the section on Chat
Cross-posting:	Sending the same message to multiple group at the same time. Many groups appear in the newsgroup line of the message. Sometimes useful, saves on bandwidth, but mostly used by trolls
Dave:	It is fairly safe to say that if there is a pun, a cheeky comment, or a lewd suggestion to be made, one of the three resident Daves will do it.
D*g:	Often spelt this way because we know cats can read and we don't want to offend them
Flames:	Directed nastiness, often in the form of a complaint.
Furpeople:	Cats, specifically, mammalian pets in general
Greeblings:	What the cat is chasing when you can't see anything, also known as ghost mice and invisible wolverines
Headbutts:	When the cat "bumps" you with its cheek as a sign of affection
JPEGS, JPEGS!!!	A chant designed to make someone post pictures of the particular event they were talking about.
Hooli-kitten	A very very energetic kitten hell-bent on destroying the furniture, sanity, or even better, both, of its slave.
Killfile	Some newsreader have the facility to block certain messages that the reader does not wish to see. One can killfile a particular poster's e-mail address, a subject and sometimes even particular words. Very useful when the group ahs turned into a flame fest or you've spotted a troll.
Lurker:	One who lurks. Someone who reads the group but doesn't post
Netiquette:	The set of guidelines for posting to Usenet, like manners.
Meowmie:	A Cat's human "mother"; a cat's primary female slave. Compare "Paw"
Meatloaf:	When a cat tucks all its legs under itself, wraps its tails around, and loses its neck, its in the Meatloaf position. Refer to this Kliban picture for a visual explanation (and hit your "back" button to return) http://www.ludd.luth.se/~vk/pics/temp/new/kliban/meatloaf.gif If that doesn't appear all in one line, you may have to cut & paste.
Meatloaf Meditation:	When someone is in need of Good Thoughts, we send Prayers and Good Thoughts, etc. Cats will send Purrs and will send Good Thoughts by practicing Meatloaf Meditation
Moggie:	A cat with unknown heritage, a non-purebred, an "alley cat", equivalent to the d*g term "mutt"
Multi-posting:	Sending the same (or virtually the same) message to many groups individually. Also used by trolls & spammers - eats bandwidth
Munged	The e-mail address in question has been changed to prevent spam.
Newbie:	A person that is new to the NG or new to Usenet in general. Someone who has yet to learn the mysterious ways of the 'net.
Patty:	The long suffering wife of Dave Yehudah, the "We Support Patty" group was formed to give her moral support when she is the victim of Dave's eccentricities. An Australian chapter, "We support Dot" group has recently been formed for Dave G's wife
Paw:	A cat's human "father"; a cat's primary male slave. Contrast "Meowmie".
Plonk	The sound a person makes when they hit the bottom of a killfile
Probed:	[chat] What happens to someone when they get abducted from chat. The extent of the probing is usually indicative of how painful it was for the chatter to rejoin the chat. See tinfoil hat.
Smurgle:	When the cat "kneads" with its paws and suckles at something, it is considered smurgling. Smurgling may be a sign that the cat was not weaned properly
<snip>	A part of the original post that is being replied to has been removed.
Spam:	Unwelcome advertising material. Also cross-posted
Slave	What a well-trained human is to a cat.
Spamtrap	The part of a munged e-mail address that is bogus.
Ted:	The Evil Doctor (the vet)
The Bare ones:	Humans (as opposed to "furpeople")
The Bowl:	A euphemism roughly meaning "whatever diety, dieties or Supernatural Benevolent Beings you believe in". It stems from the "The First Church Of the Porcelain Three Three" discussion.
The Mothership:	What the cat is communicating with when it appears to stare intently at an invisible spot on the wall
Thread:	The line of conversation - often set out like a tree so you can see which message the post is replying to.
Three-Three:	A garment similar in nature to a tu-tu but somewhat larger.
Troll:	People (and I use that term lightly) who will go out of their way to get attention by any means. Most trolls these days merely post cat-hating messages or pick one of the three taboos. There used to be a time when trolls were clever and played practical jokes, but now every wannabe and his dog tries to troll. A good sign of a troll is how many groups he of she has cross posted to. The groups, the more likely that the post is from a troll
Trolled:	Responding as if the message from the troll was legitimate
Trolls, Do not feed the,	"Feeding" a troll means responding to the trolling message. Trolls are after attention, and usually go away once they figure out they aren't getting any. Usually expressed as "Do Not Feed The Trolls"
Udder:	A flabby stomach that hangs down. It is genetic and not necessarily due to obesity
Tinfoil Hat, Tinfoil Undies	[chat] If the probings are light, just a tinfoil hat may prevent them. but if you are experiencing deep probes, tinfoil undies may be a better option.
V*t:	Vet. See above

6.4 IN JOKES

These jokes are often taken as "fact" when writing anecdotes.

6.4.1 Your Majesty, the cat.

We all know who is the real boss of the household - and it's the cat. We are merely the cat's slave and are at its beck and call. The cat has managed to enslave the human race by some unknowable mental power and will one day take over the world. Meanwhile, they graciously allow us the honour of sharing their house with them. "Cats were once worshipped in Egypt as Gods. They have never forgotten this"

6.4.2 The Mothership

This one goes that cats are really an alien species (if you want proof, just hold their ears back. Don't they look like "greys"?) sent to observe the human species. All strange behaviour is either an intricate psychological experiment on the human or a way in which to communicate with other "aliens". When a cat stares intently at nothing, it is said to be uploading/downloading with The Mothership.

6.4.3 Greeblings

Otherwise known as "Ghost mice", "invisible wolverines" and even "UFOs", Greeblings occupy most households that also have cats. It is debateable as to whether the Greeblings move in after the cat appears, or whether the cat is attracted to a place with an excess of Greeblings, but cats and greeblings are engaged in a never ending inter-dimensional war. Since no human has ever seen a greebling, it is safe to assume that greeblings don't occupy the four dimensions humans do. However it is also known that cats occupy far more dimensions than us mere humans (see "Schrodinger's cat") and can therefore see and attempt to chase, catch and kill the evil greeblings before they take over this dimension entirely. So next time your cat takes off down the corridor at 3am in hot pursuit of nothing at all, don't yell and squirt water at him, he's attempting to save Humankind from an invasion of Greeblings. Although you may think that your cat is both insane and terribly inconsiderate for waking you up, you should actually be thanking him for protecting your and yours by putting himself on the front line of the Greebling war.

The fact that greeblings seem to appear around the time cats communicate to the mothership is no coincidence - they have an incredible spy netweork and try to "hack" the upolad and dowload of secret kitty inforamtion between the cat & the mothership.

6.4.4 Schrodinger's Cat

All cats now have a Schrodinger gene.

You have probably heard of Shrodinger's though experiment of putting a cat in a box with a poison which had about a 50% of reacting and killing the cat. The point (allegedly) was that until Schrodinger opened the box and knew that his cat was either alive or dead, the cat was actually neither, and proved that the observer affects the experiment.

The cat of course was sorely annoyed at the the thought of being poisoned, and therefore used this discovery "of being there but not being there" to jump as many female cats as possible.

Having this amazing ability, his seed was spread far & wide, much wider than an average tom, while he stayed napping in front of Schrodinger's fire place.

Since there was a large sum of kittens with the Schrodinger gene born that kitten season, and because of their natural advantage over non-Schrodinger cats, Schrodinger cats could spread the Schrodinger gene far and wide. Soon almost all domestic moggies had the trait of either not being there when they actually are, or alternatively, you think they are napping by the fire while they are actually out bothering the local females. This explains cats how a cat can go missing for days when they were really napping on your spare bed all along, and the ability for apparently stray cats to just appear in your locked and closed house and act like they have always lived there. There are a great many advantages of being in many places at once, but not being any where at all.

6.4.5 The First Church of the Porcelain Three Three

One of the hardest things to explain people who haven't been members of the group for long are a) our collective sense of humour, b) the friendliness of this group and c) thread drift. (ie, the change in subject of the thread that started out on-topic which slowly but inexplicably drifts so far off topic that the conversation in now way involves cats and in fact in now way involves anything resembling sane, normal conversation.)

The First Church of the Porcelain Three Three "evolved" over about 6 months. If you want to follow the whole sordid account, start by searching http://groups.google.com/ or any other Usenet archive facility for the thread with "The First Church of the Porcelain Three " as the title and work your way backwards.

A very quick summary:

Yowie (thats me) bitches about not being able to find nice lingerie in my size
The Group, being wonderful people, sends Yowie some sexy underwear that does fit for Xmas.
Dave G calls for JPegs of Yowie's Xmas Present.
Yowie says she will providing the Daves put up a picture of themselves in a big frilly three-three (three three because a tu-tu would be too small).
A Jpeg of Dave (and Mark) with a cartoon body in a three three appears. Click here to see Mark's picture (use your "back" button to return). Dave's picture was similar but he had a plain hot-pink three-three rather than one with orange polka-dots, had Dave's head stuck on instead of Mark's of course.
An even better pic of a macho guy in a big long three three with Dave G's head on it appears. Click here to see it. (Use your "back" button to return)
TJ & I threaten to make a "Dancing Dave" page like the dancing hampster page. Click here to see the picture we were going to use. (Use your "back" button to return)
Someone started a religious demographics thread.
No flames happened.
The general consensus of the group seemed to be "whatever works for you" and "respect other people" which TJ summed up by "I could care less what someone else believes or doesn't believe, if worshipping your toilet bowl while wearing a three-three brings you inner peace, more power to ya!".
Which is how the 1st Church of the Porcelain Three Three started.
TJ created the icon of Dave on the loo with The Dust worshipping at the "altar". Click here to see a picture of the "altar". (Use you "back" button to return)
And finally, in the Spirit of the pictures of Dave and Mark, here is the picture of one of the High Priestesses of the First Church of the Pocrelain Three-Three in her Xmas presents. Click here for the original version, or here for a version especailly for the Daves of the world.

You asked!
(Well, OK you didn't, but its very hard to explain 6 months of in-joke-in-the-making without actually being there!)