“Cookie Monster? Are you there? Pick up you freak, it’s Avery.” Pause. “Okay, fine, you really aren’t there. You need to change the message on your machine, JC, your mother is going to hear it and lecture you about being drunk and the things you do when you’re drunk. Anyway, I left my Physics book on your couch (the big one), so could you do me a favor and drop it off sometime? Thanks. Maybe I‘ll catch you later. Bye…Cookie Man.”

JC sighed and closed his eyes. Avery was right, his mother probably would lecture him if she heard his answering machine, and he made a mental note to record a new, mom-friendly message later that night. The machine had told him he’d had two new messages, and JC was pleased to hear Joey‘s voice next.

“I don’t even wanna know why you think you’re big, blue, and eat cookies man, but whatever. Hey, I got you some tickets to come out and see Rent, they’re good seats; VIP ones, so you can‘t say I never did anything for ya. You can use them whenever you want, so just let me know. I miss you, Jace, why haven’t you called? You’ve got to fly out here and visit me, I’m going to forget what you look like! Alright, well, Kelly just walked in with Brianna, so I’ve got to go and be a good dad. Call me later, and we’ll talk about this cookie monster thing! See ya, man!”

JC smiled at the thought of his friend and his daughter, picturing in his mind the way Joey would play and interact with his little girl. Sighing, JC stood and walked to the biggest of the three couches in his living room, picking up the large, covered book that had slipped almost under one of the cushions. Taking his cell phone out of his jeans pocket, he spoke Avery’s name and waited while her number was dialed automatically.

“This better be important, I’m in the middle of writing my thesis.” JC laughed and he heard Avery mumble to herself on the other end. “Oh, it’s you. Where have you been? I thought you had died or ran away with some random girl or something.”

“You know me better than that, I don’t run away with random girls, only with you.” Checking to make sure his car keys were in his coat pocket, JC set the security system to his house and headed towards his car, waving to one of his security guards as he got inside and laid Avery’s physics book on the passenger side.

“Right, only with me. Hey, did you find my physics book? I need it to finish a paper I have due tomorrow.”

“Yep. I’m actually in my car, on my way to bring it back to you. You have a paper due tomorrow and you aren’t finished with it yet? I’m so proud of you, you’ve found it in your heart to procrastinate. There’s hope for you yet, Aves.”

“Shut up. Hey, thanks for bringing it over tonight, but I’m going to really need to be alone so I can finish all of my stuff. I had to tell Jamie to go fly a kite earlier, it wasn’t pretty. So…you bring the book in, I get a good look at you to make sure you’ve been eating, and then you’re off to never-never land, got it?” JC smiled to himself at the mental images of his friend telling her apartment mate to get lost, and he nodded, knowing Avery couldn‘t see.

“Yeah, sure, whatever. I’m going to be there in like, five seconds, okay? So, I’ll see you then.”

“Great. Five seconds.” Clicking off his phone, JC tossed it onto the seat beside him, waiting at a light to turn onto the street where Avery shared an apartment with Jamie, her friend since high school. Finding a parking place in the apartment complex lot, JC grabbed the physics book and made his way toward the door where he would wait for Avery to beep him in. Within minutes he was wandering down the floor where she lived, ready to knock when she opened the door before he had the chance.

“I don’t know how you do that, but it creeps the piss out of me.” Glancing down the hall and then back at Avery’s smiling face, JC shook his head.

“It’s a gift. Jamie says I can hear people’s footsteps; I suppose she’s right.” Pulling at JC’s shirt to check how loose it was, Avery clicked her tongue, motioning for him to turn around. “Now JC, I’ve only met your mother once in my life, but I got the impression that she loves you very much. Why don’t you eat, boy? You need to meet my grandma, she’d force-feed you until your seams would split.” Rolling his eyes, JC pulled his shirt from Avery’s fingers.

“I eat, I just don’t gain weight.”

“Right, and that’s what all the other pretty girls say.” Cocking her head to look at her friend more closely, Avery narrowed her eyes in concern. “Hey, are you alright? You sounded happy enough on the phone, but you look like you just lost your favorite pair of sneakers.”

“My favorite pair of sneakers?” Avery nodded, watching as JC ran a hand through his already unruly hair. Sighing, she opened her apartment door wider, allowing JC to enter before closing it again.

“Joey wants me to fly out to New York and see him in Rent.” JC tossed Avery’s physics book onto the coffee table and sat, rubbing one of his thumbs under his eyes.

“And?” Sitting on the floor in front of him, Avery rested her chin on one of his knees.

“I want to go! Justin told me that Joe does an excellent job, and I can’t wait to see him. It’s just, what do I say when he asks me why I haven’t called? Or when he asks me what I’ve been up to?”

“You tell him the truth.” JC grunted and Avery bit his knee playfully. “JC, you’ve known Joey longer than you’ve known anyone else, right? If you can‘t talk to him, than who can you talk to?”

“I know, I know. It’s just that the truth is so lame. Couldn’t I make up some really exciting excuse? Like, Hugh Hefner invited me to spend the last three months in his mansion? Joey would drop it, no questions asked.”

“The truth is not lame. So you feel a little, dare I say it, out of sync. Joey’s going to understand that. I mean, in a way it makes sense. Justin’s got his new album and he’s never going to be able to escape the media. Joey’s on Broadway, Chris has been on TV, and FuMan has been doing well. Than you’ve got Lance, who enters a whole new wave of discussion. You’ve been doing a lot, but just out of the spotlight. You’ve found that the anonymity of being somewhat normal isn’t all that you remembered it to be, and you feel left behind since you’re the only one who’s regained some of that normalcy; it’s okay.” Smiling Avery moved away from the couch a little, leaning back on her elbows to look up at JC. “I find it quite endearing.”

“I don’t know if endearing is the right word. I think it’s stupid. I mean, during the past few years, all I wanted was some time to myself, some time to just be me and focus on some music and to take a break from the *N SYNC train, and now…the break is here, and I’m going a little stir crazy. The first month or so was great, but now I miss all the guys like I can’t even explain.”

“The one thing I can’t figure out, is if you miss them so bad, why aren’t you talking to them constantly? I’d think you’d of been out to New York a million times by now. You went and saw Lance, but you’ve pretty much stayed out of touch with the others.”

“Hey, when a friend tells you he can give you a tour of NASA, you go, whether or not you want to.” JC grinned and Avery laughed.

“But, you said you had a good time, right?” JC nodded vigorously.

“It was the most amazing time, and Lance was so happy that he bordered being giddy, it was great!” Smiling at the memory of Lance’s tour of the NASA base, JC felt a pang of loneliness, he’d only talked to his friend once since his visit.

“I know you miss them, JC. I can see it in the way your face goes soft when you talk about them, your eyes give you away. Call Chris and Lance, go see Justin; isn’t he in LA anyway? Go see Joey’s show, I know that you want to.”

“I just- “

“JC, don’t argue with me. I might not know you as well as the guys, but I know you well enough to know when you’re miserable; you’re miserable. None of them left you behind, and you know it. Don’t be a jerk, and get in touch with your friends.”

JC sat quietly for a few minutes, staring down at his newest best friend. He’d met Avery six months earlier, by accident, bumping into her at one of the street-side coffee stands and causing her to drop her cup of coffee, as well as most of the books she’d been carrying.

“Sorry!”

“I hate Wednesday mornings.” Bending down to help the woman pick up her books, as well as her now empty Styrofoam coffee cup, JC couldn’t help but laugh to himself.

“Why Wednesdays?” Wiping at some coffee that had been spilled on the books he was now holding, JC held them out to her. He smiled when the woman in front of him smirked, her black hair falling in front of her smiling green eyes.

“Well, last Wednesday my favorite book bag broke, and this Wednesday not only did I drop all of the books that would have been in that bag, but I have spilt coffee on them as well.” Her smile had spread to her lips, and JC accepted her hand when she extended it. “I’m Avery.”

“Um, JC.” Waving his free hand down towards the ground and then towards her, JC sighed. “I really am sorry, I was walking around without my head on straight, and I didn’t even realize I was going to run right into you.” Avery just shrugged.

“If I had to apologize for all the times that I’ve walked around with my head in the clouds, I’d be apologizing until the day I die. It’s okay, really.”

Avery had accepted his offer to let him get her a new book bag, only after he had insisted for five minutes, and they had spent the rest of the morning talking, before Avery had to be at class. They had been building a solid friendship since, and JC was sure she probably did know him as well, if in some ways not better, as any of the guys.

“Thanks.” Breaking the silence that he’d begun, JC leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“Thanks for what?”

“For kicking my butt, so to speak. I really haven’t been myself lately. I’ve been telling myself it’s the guys’ fault that I haven’t been in touch, seeing as none of them included me in their projects, but I realize now that I haven’t been myself because I haven’t let them include me. Justin’s been very open with me about his CD, and I’ve heard about three tracks from it. Chris sent me some shirts the other day, one of them, he told me, he was pretty sure I had inspired. Lance sends me e-mails almost every day, updating me on his new life as an astronaut, I guess you could say. And I mean, Joey’s been saying he’d get me tickets for Rent, and he finally does, and I’m still sitting here in front of you, when I should be on the phone scheduling a flight to New York.” Avery smiled and sat up, squeezing one of JC’s hands.

“I knew that one day you’d realize all this, I just figured it’d be better for me to just be your friend, and not to be your mother.”

“Well, I appreciate it.” JC let his eyes roam Avery’s face, smiling at the way her black hair was falling in her eyes. “Will you come to New York with me?”

“Do you want me to?” When JC nodded, Avery did as well. “As long as you can wait until I finish my thesis.”

“Weren’t you supposed to be doing that, as well as a physics paper right now?” When Avery rolled her eyes, JC laughed.

“Yeah, well, I’ve got Jamie out flying kites, but I have you in my living room having an epiphany, so. I haven’t really had time between all the excitement to get them finished.” JC shook his head and motioned towards the door.

“I’m on my way.” Standing as JC walked slowly to leave, Avery followed him.

“You’re a good kid, you know that?” Laughing, she stood on her tiptoes to kiss the corner of his mouth. “You’ll be back to your old self in no time.”

“Will you be here when that happens?” Avery nodded, and JC hugged her tightly. He had known that she would.

"Not Myself"
John Mayer

Suppose I said
I am on my best behavior
And there are times
I lose my worried mind
Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
Suppose I said
Colors change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose
Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?
And I, in time, will come around
I always do for you
Suppose I said
You're my saving grace?