AQUA RIVERS CENTENNIAL CELEBRATION.
********************************************
- Winner of 2002 Founder's District Tall Tales Showcase.
**********************************************************
JJ: The Aqua Rivers Centennial Celebration was held in City Park, in Aqua Rivers Kansas, on July 4th, 1876. Fellow Toastmasters, Honored Guests, and Dignataries; most people back then called me JJ; on account of no one could ever remember what my full name was, at least until later on. Everyone was enjoying the Fourth of July Festivities in the park that afternoon, unaware to anyone there, including myself; that the sky had turned an eerie pitch black! It was then I received a tap on the shoulder from an old stranger in town. T turned around and the old man spoke to me.
*******************************************************
JJ: "I'm afraid that Celestial Firecrackers are illegal in Aqua Rivers, Kansas."
*******************************************************
ANGEL: Just take the Celestial Firecracker over there to Towne Square and light the fuse like I told you, JJ.
*******************************************************
JJ: "Okay!" And so I took the Celestial Firecracker over to the middle of Towne Square, lit the fuse and ran!
*******************************************************
*******************************************************
JJ: And after the smoke was finally cleared from the "Boom!", so was most of Downtown Aqua Rivers, Kansas. There was nothing left of Towne Square, except a big fifty foot crator!
*******************************************************
ANGEL: Splendid, JJ! Slendid! Now, do you see all those fancy feather pillows on the table, over yonder in the park?
*******************************************************
JJ: "I sure do! Our Mayor's Wife handcrafted those herself. We're auctioning them of today, to raise money to build a new orphanage, which is going go right where that big hole is."
*******************************************************
ANGEL: Well, this is what I want you to do. I want you to take each and everyone of those pillows, and chuck 'em all into the hole.
*******************************************************
J: "You want me, to take the Mayor's Wife's pillows, and to throw them down into that hole? WHAT ABOUT OUR AUCTION?"
*******************************************************
ANGEL: Well, this is how it works. I deliver the messages from On High, you do the pillow-chuckin' Sonny!
*******************************************************
JJ: "I hope you know what you're doing, Angel." And, after I had thrown the last pillow into that big hole in the ground, I turned around, and the whole town was staring at me. And The Mayor came up to me and said..."
*******************************************************
MAYOR: JJ, have you completely lost your mind? You done blew a hole in our Towne Square, then you threw my wife's pillows down into it! Now we can't have an auction! Why, JJ? Why?
*******************************************************
JJ: "Well, Mr. Mayor; an Angel told me to do it."
*******************************************************
MAYOR: An Angel told you to do it, oh brother!
*******************************************************
MAYOR'S WIFE: Look!
*******************************************************
JJ: ....yelled the Mayor's Wife, as she pointed towards the Southern Horizon. And we all looked and saw the biggest tornado ever to hit the Aqua Rivers Area. It was heading right for us, and would surely scoop up the entire town, and everyone in it!
_______________________________________________________
"That's right Mr. Mayor, an Angel told me to do it! Everyone, don't panic! On the count of three, we're all going to jump in to that big hole! We'll be safe down there until the storm passes! One! Two! Three!"
_______________________________________________________
And everybody took a flying leap into that crator. It was a fifty foot drop, but, the pillows had broken our fall. Aqua Rivers, Kansas; was no more. But, over three hundred lives were saved that day. So, instead of facing an angry linch mob, I'd become a National Hero! I even received a Medal of Valor from Rutherford B. Hayes, who was our President that year. And after that day, no one ever again had trouble remembering what my full name was. In fact, whenever I'd walk down the street, someone would shout it out loud and clear!
*******************************************************
CITIZEN: Hey, there goes JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER-SCHMIDT!
*******************************************************
JJ: And, would you belive, someone later turned those very words into a Boy Scout Campfire Song?
*******************************************************
Madame Toastmaster.
________________
Sir Websolot's Website.
!!!!BOOM!!!!!
Websites Hosting this Page:
WEBSHOTS by Scottspm13 (Background).
July 4th Site.
