Acting:
"You're an actor, are you? Well, all that means is: you are irresponsible, irrational, romantic, and incapable of handling an adult emotion or a universal concept without first reducing it to something personal, material, sensational -- and probably sexual!"
- George Herman

"To go into acting is like asking for admission to an insane asylum. Anyone can apply, but only the certifiably insane are admitted."
- Michal Shurtleff

"You spend all your life trying to do something they put people in asylums for."
- Jane Fonda

Education, Curiosity, Thinking, Dreams, and Decisions
"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education"
- Albert Einstein

"All we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
- Edar Allen Poe

"We are all of us in the gutter. But some of us are looking at the stars."
- Oscar Wilde

"Some men see things that are and ask--why? I see things that never were and ask--why not?”
- George Bernard Shaw

"What the hell, he thought, you're only young once, and threw himself out of the window. That would at least keep the element of surprise on his side."
- Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

"Ever notice that ‘what the hell’ is always the right decision?”
- Marilyn Monroe

"Education is that which remains when one has forgotten everything learned in school. "
- Albert Einstein

"For those who understand no explanation is needed, ...For those who don't none will do."
- Jerry Lewis

"Thinking is the most unhealthy thing in the world, and people die of it just as they die of any other disease."
-Oscar Wilde

Life
"Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."
- Calvin and Hobbes

"I like the word 'indolence'. It makes my laziness seem classy."
- Bern Williams

"I’ll sleep when I’m dead."
- Warren Zevon

“The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blinside you at four pm on some idle Tuesday.”
- Baz Luhrmann, Everybody’s Free

"Life is a long rehearsal for a show that will never play."
- Amélie

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts."
-William Shakespeare

"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
-Wayne Gretzky

"If you're going through hell, keep going. "
-Walt Disney

"Can death be sleep,
when life is but a dream,
And scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?
The transient pleasures as a vision seem,
And yet we think the greatest pain's to die."
-John Keats

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."
-Robert Frost

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more."
-William Shakespeare, Macbeth

"Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast."
-Douglas Adams

"Life is an unbroken succession of false situations"
-Thornton Wilder

Individuality and Identity
"There is only one you for all time. Fearlessly be yourself."
- Anthony Rapp

"Every time we start thinking we’re the center of the universe, the universe turns around and says with a slightly distracted air, ‘I’m sorry. What did you say your name was again?”
- Margaret Maron

"You can cage the singer but not the song."
- Harry Belafonte

"From now on, I’ll connect the dots my own way."
- Calvin and Hobbes

"I can do whatever I like. I'm eccentric!"
- John Cleese, Rat Race

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to reform."
-Mark Twain

"Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else."
-Judy Garland

America and Politics
"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
- Douglas Adams

"So this is America. They must be out of their minds."
- Ringo Starr, arriving in America for the first time

"An asylum for the sane would be empty in America."
- George Bernard Shaw

"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
-Mark Twain

"Communism is like one big phone company."
-Lenny Bruce

"Americans adore me and will go on adoring me until I say something nice about them"
-George Benard Shaw

Reality and Sanity (or lack thereof)
"Reality is hopelessly inaccurate."
- Douglas Adams

"Reality continues to ruin my life."
- Calvin and Hobbes

"There is a theory that states: 'If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bizzarly inexplicable.' There is another theory that states: 'This has already happened..."
- Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

"If neurotic is wanting two mutually exclusive things at one and the same time, then I’m neurotic as hell. I’ll be flying back and forth between one mutually exclusive thing and another for the rest of my days."
- Sylvia Plath

"The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality."
-Douglas Porter

"A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything."
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Music
"Throw a rock and you’ll hit a musician"
-Mr. Millard

"Practice, practice, practice, and maybe someday you’ll get to Carnegie Hall, but its unlikely."
-Sophie

"We always need something from the vitamins of music that is different from age to age. New problems from new situations arise and there must be new music to combat it."
-R.S. Pearson

"Music is what makes us feel human."
-Sharon Perry

"The one true comment on a piece of music is another piece of music."
-Igor Stravinsky

"Without music, life would be an error"
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"The whole problem can be stated quite simply by asking, 'Is there a meaning to music?' My answer would be, 'Yes.' And 'Can you state in so many words what the meaning is?' My answer to that would be, 'No.'"
-Aaron Copland

Humans and their Lack of Intelligence
"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
-George Bush Sr.

"Solutions are not the answer."
-Richard Nixon, former U.S. President

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-Dan Quayle

"Humans are the only species that systematically tortures and murders its own for pleasure and personal gain. In fact, we are the only species that systematcially tortures and murders its own, period. We are serial killers. All our poems and symphonies and oils on canvas will never change that. Man's noble aspect is the aberration. Those who argue that art and philosophy are proof of human worth neglect to mention that, in the scheme we have devised, artists and philosophers are completely powerless and largely without prestige. Art, music and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us."
-George Carlin

"Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms."
-Groucho Marx

The Universe, Earth and Elsewhere
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
-Calvin and Hobbs

"In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
-Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."
-Aldous Huxley

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
-Douglas Adams

"The universe is a figment of its own imagination."
-Douglas Adams

"We are an impossibility in an impossible universe."
-Ray Bradbury

Other Assorted Fun Quotes
"You are here to enrich the world. You are impoverished if you forget that errand"
-On the outside of Cabel Hall

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
-Mark Twain

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
-George Carlin

"The absurd is born of the confrontation between the human call and the unreasonable silence of the world."
-Albert Camus

"Mimes are not the only people who live in small imaginary boxes."
-Casey Elisha Anderson

"The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself."
-Oscar Wilde

"When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear."
-Mark Twain

"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes."
-Douglas Adams

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and sometimes it is necessary to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye."
-Miss Piggy

"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
-Douglas Adams

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."
-George Bernard Shaw