We'll start with an older one, but a brilliant one. Some of my favourite things about this are the thousand Little Cosettes, the Stars interpretive dance, and Valjean's random wheelchair at the end. It's a long video, but if you make it all the way through... you deserve some kind of award, seriously. Feel free to skip the pretentious slideshow at the beginning if you can, because some of this staging has to be seen to be believed.
I guess it would be a bit much to expect period-appropriate shaven convict heads, though... And please, let us all bask in the shadow cast by Javert's utterly magnificent pimp hat. And that's not a bishop, Valjean-- that's a POPE! I like the lady cop with the whip.
I'm not sure what the point of the towels is. And here we have a great example of what will become a series mind-boggling lyric changes in an effort to spare the delicate ears of these kids' parents: "There's gonna be war to pay at the end of the day." Ah, yes. "You can bet she's earning her keep elsewhere around." See, we have to protect the audience from this subject matter! I mean, we may have a lady foreman who's probably trying to molest Fantine in a strictly non-PC manner, but by all means change the sleeping-around references and the word "hell"! And did my ears deceive me, or did they leave in "the bitch could bite"?
Do not worry about the state of your hearing. You heard correctly. It's lovely people. Lovely people. Even jokers need a little joke. Lovely people. ...lovely people. I just... I really can't get past that. Especially when they leave in most of the worst lines. What exactly are the lovely people doing up against the wall? I guess they're just selling gloves, how silly of me. But then it just gets even better when they take gloves from one already dead and little Bamatabois tries to unjustly buy a scarf from Fantine and her baseball cap! And please, please tell me Javert did not say he was in a nest of cheese and vipers. I have to have misheard it.
Those women pushed that cart onto the other woman! And then they all stood around saying she was an old man! Not cool, guys. That's just spiteful.
Why does Young Eponine have a baseball cap? Why doesn't Thenardier have shoes on? Why did he just fall over? Why is Young Eponine sweeping the floor? Why are they dancing?!? Why... just... WHY?
Fantine's suffering is over... but the audience's is just beginning. We haven't even met poor little Marius yet.
Lady Gavroche stole Fantine's hat! Annnnd here are deaf Enjolras and my beloved little Marius. Just look at deaf Enjolras's costume! Tiny vest with tinier decoration and a beret. He's like a gangsta or something with that shirttail hanging out. I like that the Patron-Minette and the Thenardiers actually leave the theatre before the robbery begins. "YOU'RE THE SWINDLER WHO BORROWED COSETTE."
This one is really all about the hat. The hat and the blocking. I miss my little Marius. And there he is! Oh, sweetheart, let me give you a hug.
My little Marius is stuck to the bone. And I guess Enj issued matching uniforms for all the "boys." And then forced them to colour those posters. And then they all cheered and began to march. Ish.
At some point you have to believe that there was something in the water at this school. You hang in there, Eponine. We also suspect that Valjean dipped his head in something.
There are no words. Except I feel like Javert should lose the hat if he's going to try to hide amongst the students. And I just can't not love this Marius. I mean it. I want to friend him on facebook.
You know, after having seen so much of this production, you'd think I'd stop being amazed by the horridness. But it just keeps appalling me. The averageness of Eponine looks professional next to some of these other kids. Poor things.
1. Loudhailer Guy FAIL. 2. KILL their warnings, KILL their lies.
I almost lost my mind when I heard this. So there *is* something worse than the singing here. Someday we're going to find out that it was all a joke. We're all being punk'd. No way this is real. Just no way.
I still love the loudhailer guy. And. It was a mercy killing, I tells ya!
Maybe it's good that half this footage is missing? Maybe it destroyed the tape somehow? With its... badness? But then he almost hit the note on 'reprieved'!
No one said it better than this youtube user.
bencountyjr: I just want to hug you and tell you it's ok, little Marius. As I slide a syringe full of poison into you.
Aww, little Marius in a tux! But where are the wedding guests? Why doesn't Thenardier have shoes yet? I like when Marius slaps Thenardier, but I'm generally distracted by whatever the heck Madame is doing in the background. Poor Cosette looks so bored. And can anyone tell me what the last line has been changed to?
Does Valjean remind anyone else of "Whistler's Mother" at the beginning? And... and... oh little Marius. But mostly, choir robes of death, a random guy in a sweatshirt, Christmas lights, and terrifying the audience. What a perfect ending to a... unique experience. You will never forget it. Believe me. I've tried.
Je reviendrai, tu as ma parole! Je reviendrai!