JOE SATRIANI
"THE MIGHTY
TURTLE HEAD"
Time Machine,
Relativity (1993)
I like the groovy intro. Sounds like a Strat.
But the soloing going over the song is very
bad. It's bent out of shape and out of tune.
It's very basic bullshit pentatonic runs. The
choice of notes in the solo is completely
overdone. That stuff has been done for 30
years! I'm sick and tired off that bending
bullshit. This is the most run-of-the-mill
pentatonic playing I ever heard.
GW: That
was Joe Satriani.
MALMSTEEN:
You're kidding! Was he high? He's playing out
of tune, and
the most boring runs! What I've heard from
Satriani before was really good, but this --
this sounds like something someone would play
in a garage. After the backwards solo, Joe
does some nice stuff with out of phase
pickups, which I liked. But the actual
solo... I could never dream that was Joe. Out
of tune, and terrible.
METALLICA
"MASTER OF PUPPETS"
Live Shit: Binge & Purge, Elektra
(1993)
That's Metallica -- I love it! This is maybe
the second or third time I've heard this
song, and the first time I've heard the live
version. My old drummer and keyboardist liked
Metallica a lot, and they played this song
around the time I was recording Odeyssey
(1988). I liked it then and I like it now.
Of all the bands that play this type of
music, Metallica's the best. James (Hetfield)
sings better than all the other vocalists,
and Lars (Ulrich) is a great drummer. I feel
some sort of connection with them. I think
the band heard some of my eary demos, which
sounded something like this. (Malmsteen demos
first surfaced on college radio stations in
Northern California, where Metallica is
based) I'm not saying I influnced them, but
maybe I did. Overall, the band has a great
sound. But I think the lead guitar player
(Kirk Hammett) is not very good. He can play
fast and is pretty good at it. But hi s
choice of notes and sence of pitch are very
bad. I don't think that he plays with
musicality, or plays in tune. Rather than
lifting the song, his solo seems to be the
anticlimax.
PRIMUS
"MY NAME IS MUD"
Pork Soda, Interscope (1993)
I know this band -- it's Primus. The intro is
cool. However, when I listen closely, i hear
one thing I totally detest: I Hate slap bass
playing. It's the worst technique ever. But I
think Primus is very funny. I get a bit of a
Frank Zappa vibe from them. But although I
find them very funny, and they do intrigue
me, they don't give me a hard-on, in that the
band doesn't inspire me to do a similar
thing.
On this song the guitarist plays the weirdest
combination of notes; it sounds like he's
playing it that way just for the sake of
doing it differently. I think Zappa
intentionally made his music weird, but he
did it with intellegence. Primus is not
unitellegent, but I think their music is
done, not to piss people off, but to make the
listener react, "What the Fuck is
this?" Someone like Alan Holdsworth
plays the wackiest things, but he does it
with panache, such tase. This is done just to
do it.
PANTERA
"I'M BROKEN"
Far Beyond Driven, East West 91994)
I don't know what this is, but I like
the cool guitar riff. I also like the groove
over the second chorus but I don't like the
buzz-saw guitars. I'd much prefer a distorted
guitar that doesn't really sound distorted if
you don't play more than two notes. As far as
the singing goes, I couldn't find enough
words to describe my disgust. Because it's
really not singing. It sounds like sombody is
either shoving something up the vocalist's
ass, or something is coming out of his ass
and his mouth at the same time. It's a stupid
excuse for someone who stands in front of a
mic stand.
GW: What
did you think of the guitar solo?
MALMSTEEN:
A sad reason for being a guitarist in the
nineties. It started off sounding like Chuck
Berry. Then there was some terriblr, terrible
bending going on. Very untasteful. That was
one of the worst solos I've heard. But the
riffage at the beginning and end of the song
is very good.
DREAM THEATER
"UNDER A GLASS MOON"
Images And Words, Atco (1992)
I have this on CD -- it's brilliant. Dream
Theater is, by far, one of the best bands to
come out recently. Musically, I think they're
really clver, and the guitarist and
keyboardist are very good. A great band with
the right attitude. They're musical,
technical, interesting, -- and tasteful. One
of my absolute favorite bands at the moment.
I have just one reservation about them: their
drummer. His choice of beats is terrible!
He's obviously listened to too much Neil
Peart (Rush) over the years and needs to take
a valium.
As for the song, a great intro. I actually
like even the drumming there. Another thing I
like about this band, and this song, is that
the group likes to use a lot of keyboards --
everything from synthesizers to Hammond
organs. Almost like Jan Hammer, which iI
think is great.
The guitar solo is very intersting; it's like
a who's who of guitar playing. It starts off
reminiscent of Steve Vai's humbucky,
distorted tone. Then the guitarist plays
something similar to a harmonic minor run
that I would do. Then he goes into a Stevie
Ray Vaughn/Hendrix thing, which is splendid.
I also hear some Brad Gillis and Michael
Schenker. I'm not too crazy about his tone,
however. Sounds like he's using a Floyd Rose
tremolo, humbucking pickups, and the string
action is below the frets. I prefer
lower-output pickups, no Floy Rose, and very
high strings. Therefore I get a more
accoustic-type sound. But I really cant say
anything bad about the guitarist in Dream
Theater, because he's good and very abitious.
I think in a couple more years he'll have his
own identity.
PEARL JAM
"GO"
Vs., Atlantic (1993)
I am going to dig my own grave right now. I
think the singer in Pearl Jam should go eat
some Pearl Jam! He cannot sing to save his
life! And the guitar player needs to seek
help. The guitar solo is terrible -- it's
just wank-off, wah-wah pedal bullshit! That's
the most disgusting thing, so tasteless, so
common, so blatant -- the worst! There are a
couple of people like Clapton, Hendrix, Angus
Young, Ritchie Blackmore, even Jimmy Page,
they played pentetonic -- the regular stuff
-- but did it with taste. But the guitarist
in Pearl Jam, and the lead player in
Metallica, they've got no taste what-so-ever.
I don't want to comment on that song anymore.
TOM PETTY & THE
HEARTBREAKERS
"EVEN THE LOSERS"
Greatest Hits, MCA (1993)
That's Tom Petty. Great songwriter. Not a
technical singer, but good at what he does.
Obviously it's something that's not up my
alley, but I do like it. I also like Dire
Straits -- opposites attract. The lead guitar
playing on this song is non-existent. I think
the guitarist bought a Chuck Berry record
that had a scratch on it. He repeats the same
thing, even though he changes the key. Had I
played on this type of song, I would have
played more melodically and chosen different
notes, instead of that overdone "johhny
B. Goode" lick.
THE ALLMAN BROTHERS
BAND
"JESSICA"
Polydor (1973)
I like it. Very inventive twin-lead guitar in
the beginning. It's very musical, and on
pitch. What they're doing, they're doing
right. Although it doesn't sound technical or
wild, the guitarists are playing perfectly in
tune. A lot of people don't relize that
guitar playing is very much like singing or
playing any of the glissando-type instruments
-- you have to do it in tune.
GW: That
was the Allman Brothers.
MALMSTEEN:
I thought I'd heard it before! Back in the
Seventies, I saw Dickey Betts playing a live
show on TV, via sattelite from the Rock
Palace in Hamburg, and remember being
impressed by the fact that he was playing
clean and very much on pitch.
DEATH
"THE PHILOSOPHER"
Individual Thought Patterns, Relativity
(1993)
The singer sounds like he's sitting on
a toilet seat, pushing a big one. I can't
stand it! It sounds like the band can't
decide which song to play. This beat changing
bullshit -- I don't like it. The guitarist
isn't awful; he actually has decent vibrato.
But I can't get off on it.
GW: But
isn't this similar to what Metallica plays,
which you do like?
MALMSTEEN:
It is, but it isn't as good. But I like that
the bassist is playing frettless. However,
the fact that he is playing out of tune isn't
so tasty. Also the production is awful; it
sounds like it was recorded on a Fostex
4-track.
JEFF BECK
"CAUSE WE'VE ENDED AS LOVERS"
Blow By Blow, Epic (1975)
Great intro and arrangement. Great choice of
notes, and the intention is good. However, he
performance and accuracy of the guitar
player, whoever he is, is not on pitch and is
very much below standard.
GW: That
was Jeff Beck.
MALMSTEEN:
Oh my God! That's unfuckin' believeable! I've
never heard this before -- that's Jeff Beck?
He's playing out of tune. He's bending the
strings out of pitch. It's not the correct
pitch! Every time he bends a string, he bends
it sharp or flat. I can't believe that
people... whoever produced and engineered
this, or Beck himself, or the listeners, are
tonedeaf. I can't believe it!
DINASAUR JR.
"START CHOPPIN"
Where You Been, Sire (1993)
My first impression is that the song wasn't
that bas -- it's got a decent groove. But the
vocalist -- I don't know what he is doing! It
hurts to listen to that. Please don't torture
me any longer.
GW: What
do you think of the guitar work?
MALMSTEEN:
It's horrible. The guitar playing on the Jeff
Beck song was brilliant compared to this.
VAI
"TOUCHING TOUNGES"
Sex & Religion, Relativity (1993)
The guitar playing is really nice. Sounds
like a humbucking pickup. I've never heard
this before, but I know it's Steve Vai.
Steve's got his own sound and style -- I
spotted it right away -- and that's what I
admire about him. This is some of the best
stuff that I've ever heard from him. I like
what he's doing in the middle of the song --
sounds like he's using an octave divider.
Very interesting. Musically and
arrangement-wise, it's excellent. I have an
objection to Steve's actual guitar sound, and
I've told him so myself, but that doesn't
really matter at this moment. I don't think
that anyone who clones anybody, or plays
something technically perfect, is worth s
much as somebody with their own identity.
Steve's definately got it. There's no way I'm
going to knock that, even though much of what
he does may not be my cup of tea. But this
track I really liked. Steve, good on you,
man.
GARY MOORE
"STILL GOT THE BLUES (FOR YOU)"
Blues Alive, Virgin (1993)
Now here's a guy who doesn't play out of
tune. Gary Moore doesn't have much technique,
but he's brilliant when playing slow bits,
and he's got style. When he does play fast
he's sloppy. But when he plays a melody, he's
one of the very best. No question.
On this song he plays some beautiful
melodi-minor runs. I must admit that he
played evn better on some of his other stuff,
like "Parisienne Walkways." This is
pretty much the same vibe, but it sounds like
he's playing a Les Paul on this one.
THE CURE
"PURPLE HAZE"
Stone Free: A Tribute To Jimi Hendrix
Reprise (1993)
Total Blasphemy! You don't make "Purple
Haze" into a fuckin' rap song! You just
don't! The mere thought of it makes me want
to puke! It's like converting a Rolls Royce
into a Volkswagon. Whoever these guys are
they should be shot! And the fact that
(producer) Eddie Kramer, who I've known for
years, didn't ask me to do something on this
Hendrix tribute is also blasphemy! I would've
loved to play on it.
The preceeding
article originally appeared in the August
1994
edition
of "GUITAR WORLD"