THE LOUDSPEAKER OF ALAK
[ This article was written in the last
sem when the PA system had cupped. ]
There is one person who was hit badly
when our PA system recently ‘cupped’.
Yes, Sid. This guy receives, from everyone-knows-who, the maximum number
of local calls in the hostel.
The present set of Alakites, as has been the tradition of the Smart
Alaks through generations, had a ready solution called LAP(Long Distance
Application Protocol) to overcome such problems as PA system failures. No
wonder, we are smart engineers. And, LAP was the brainchild of none other than
Sid himself. This wire less technology can easily be used by the common man and
is gaining wide acceptance all over Alak.
Sid defies the very laws of Physics. He
is usually heard before he can be seen. This very imaginative SOC secretary of
ours cannot but sympathize with lesser Alakites whose conversations are
confined to within a short distance of their small mouths. Sid thinks and talks
big. He fails to understand why anyone should talk to a person standing next to
him. He cuts across barriers of rooms, half-wings and wings. Once, when I was
walking along in C3, Sid suddenly called me from as far a place as the mess.
Only to ask me how I had fared in a certain quiz held some time ago! What is a
loud speaker in front of him?
Though LAP has
been conceived and developed by Sid, certain others are active proponents of
this technology. Dixie and Boondi merit mention. But for them, it would not
have come to the present stage. Boondi behaves like an irritating schoolboy
while using LAP(which neighbours like myself have to put up with). On the other
hand, Dixie uses it very intelligently. I once heard him bellowing like a
donkey,” Arjun! Arjun! Arjun!”. Failing to see Arjun anywhere in the near
vicinity or anywhere in the hostel, I asked him.” Why are you shouting? Where
is Arjun?” He replied,” I don’t know. Most probably he is not in the hostel.
But if he is, I want to see him.” I stood there, speechless.
Sid claims LAP
works in any language. He usually uses his pseudo-Hyderabadi Hindi while
communicating by LAP, but he also sends along many bytes of the choicest Hindi
‘interjections’(“M***R C**D” ,”B***N C**D”
etc). Though sometimes annoying, LAP certainly elevates the general mood
of the hostel, and gives it a rich ringing sound. This hostel would be a dreary
place indeed, but for these pseudo pseud buggers.
- TABLA