![](/nb/appalachianpagan/images/book1.gif)
Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Casserole
Many people are aware of the "kitchen witch", but fewer
people are aware of the "kitchen ceremonial magician." This is due to the fact that kitchen ceremonial magic had been a secret tradition for
decades. But the time for such secrecy is past, since kitchen
ceremonial magic can play an important role in confronting everyday domestic problems.
For example, suppose you are unexpectedly called upon to
prepare a meal for others, but are unsure of your ability to cook. You will find it prudent to practice the time-honored
ritual of kitchen ceremonial magic: the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the
Casserole.
To prepare for this ritual, clear a space for the circle
in the center of the kitchen. Then don your ceremonial apron and hold
your ceremonial spatula in the your right hand. Stand in the center of the circle and face east.
You are ready to begin:
- With your spatula, draw a banishing pentagram to the east.
Then, thrust your spatula through the pentagram and say, "Microwave
dinners, be gone!"
- Move to the south. Again, draw a banishing pentagram and
thrust your spatula through it. "TV dinners, be gone!"
- Move to the west. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust
your spatula through it. "Ramen instant noodles, be gone!"
- Move to the north. Draw the banishing pentagram and thrust
your spatula through it, "Mystery meat in a can, be gone!"
- Move to the center of the circle and stand still. Chant
the following:
"Before me, Martha Stewart.
Behind me, Betty Crocker.
To my right side, Julia Child.
To my left side, Martha Stewart, AGAIN!"
- Visualize yourself standing in a giant casserole and
proclaim,:
"For about me bakes the casserole, and around me shines the 6-course meal."
- Clap your hands three times and say, "It's a good thing."
The rite is over.
If the ritual is not effective, please order take-out
ASAP.
Back to Humor Main Page
Email Any humor or jokes to us!
|