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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Moustache Comb
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Dante's Devine Devices, George Blvd, Moncton, NB
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Steinke's Moustache Comb $5.99. A dependable, durable, medium to large sized moustache comb imported from leading Lithuanian Comb manufacturer - Steinke. This Comb has rigid, scalp lacerating teeth. Perfect for removing nits and lice! Nice! Call 555-4561.
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2.
L@@K! An Affordable Air Canada Plane!
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Parliament Hill Gems, Ottawa, ONT
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Own a piece of Canada right here folks! One Air Canada die-cast airplane complete with accessories. Thats right! The ambulance, tow-truck and Police car come complete with limited edition 'on-strike' unionized figurines! This toy is dirt cheap!). Buy it now for $49.99. I'll even charge a low shipping fee of $30.00 to cover my expenses! Call 555-7733
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3.
Aquarium Bra
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Fred's Poissonerie, Cap Pele, NB
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Aquarium Bra. $79.99. Yes I 'ave many that my wife make. Plastic bag fill wid wadur. Tie dem togeddur an you 'ave a bra. Now du secret. Put de gol fish in der bags and Viola. You 'ave de Aqaurium bra! Your usban will like it. Gol fish swimmin' roun boobees. Waddur you waitin' for? Calle moi! 555-BRA
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4.
XXX This Is Not A Blender Ladies! XXX
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Perry's Pumped-Up Toys For Boys, Abbotsford, BC
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Got a gorgeous set of low hanging balls? Do you want to pump them up? Then we recommend you buy our product. The 18cm X 5cm 'Perry's Penis 500 Pump Cylinder' guarantees results! Thats right! With regular pumping practise you will be amazed at how your balls will balloon! Order Now! $3.99 + $25.99 P&P
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5.
Flush your troubles away!
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Gerhardt`s Home-Made Fish Tanks, Collins Cove, NFLD
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Our custom built toilet fish tanks are aimed to provide your with peace of mind as you sit and tend to your sh*t! Do not fear. Every flush you make sends the fish on a journey they always come back to! Time and time again! Call us right now to get your tank instantly installed - Call 555-FISH
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6.
Foot Dustpan (AS SEEN ON TV!)
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Sheldrake's Emporium, Cambridge, UK
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Instead of bending over to clean up dust, simply clip on the foot dustpan and brush and slide your feet across the floor. BOOM! Job Done! Call 011-44-555-0919
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7.
L@@K! ***Toilet Roll Sale!*** L@@K!
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Betty Ford's Apothecary, George Street, Moncton, NB
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Like it says on the label! 100% Recyclable! Say no more! Call 555-2367 and your sh*t will be gone! ;0)
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8.
Canned Cockroaches
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Coney island Deli, New York, USA
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New York style Canned Cockroaches in Pork fat & suicide hot sauce. Marinated to perfection. An excellent horsderve for any occasion. Call 555-0191 and order yours To-day!
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9.
Krack Nugget Sale!
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Nana's Nutritional Nuggets, Sackville, NB
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Great with cream cheese, peanut butter or luncheon meat. $1.99 per bag. $$ Save $$ on multiple orders! Call 555-7733
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10.
Christopher Walken's Coffee Cup
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Jarrod Spitzer, Brooklyn, New York, USA
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Hey Guys! This is so cool! I was walking behind the actor Christopher Walken last Thursday and he just placed his coffee cup on the sidewalk! I'm like WOW! WALKEN'S Coffee Cup!!! So I just picked the sucker up! No crime in that right? He left it, I retrieved it. Now you can OWN it! I'm asking around $3,000, Open to offers. Might even fly to Las vegas and see if that fat TV family in their Pawn shop won't take it! Call 555-3456
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11.
Nick Nolte's Wig
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Jarrod Spitzer, Brooklyn, New York, USA
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I recently returned from a fantastic trip to LA! While I was there I got wasted in a club. It was while I was wasted that I quickly retrieved the wig of 48 Hours star Nick Nolte from the washroom floor. Can YOU fricking believe it! Nick was urinating and in a moment of utter disbelief I watched as he ran his hand through his hair only to see it slide from his head onto the washroom floor! Get this, he simply turned, growled and walked off! Now you can own Nick's wig! $5,000 OBO. Photograph of authenticity included! Call Call 555-3456
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12.
Disposable Bouffant Cap
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Ronelle's Hair Emporium; Elipsijassi, NB
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If you look like the 1960's pop sensations 'The Ronettes' or the late British singer song-writer Amy Winehouse, then maybe the 'Disposable Bouffant Cap' is for you! Former sex, drug and alcohol addict Russell Brand is also known for donning Bouffant Caps, as is failed former TV Star and ex-governor of Alaska - Sarah Palin. Yours for just $9.99 Call 555-9129
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13.
Vivre l ącadie! New Brunswick's First Bilingual Car!
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Karl's Classic Imports; Lakeburn, NB
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One Lovely 1966 GM Acadian For Sale! Produced by General Motors of Canada from 1962 to 1971. The Acadian was introduced so that Acadians in New Brunswick would feel more at home in an ever increasing English speaking environment. Plans originally called for the Acadian to be based in Caraquet, but it proved to costly a project so the whole operation moved to Chile.Yours for just 50 Cents!!! Call 555-7722
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14.
Sexy 2008 Custom Built Cow-Catcher!
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Karl's Classic Imports; Lakeburn, NB
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2008 Mitsubishi EVO X GSR Custom Built for you! Perfect for your teen-age son or middle-aged Dad to drive around town in. Makes a great bagel and cheese slicer too not to mention an awsome Cow-Catcher! Yours for the awsome knock-down price of $55,000. Call 555-7722
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15.
Garage Sale!!!
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Ray's Realtor Paradise, George Boulevard, Moncton, NB
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Whether your a Student, Young Professional or Freeloader this is the perfect starter home for you! Situated downtown you are within minutes of the core of city living! This one room, multi-purpose bedroom, kitchen, bathroom combo is yours for just a fraction under $700.00 a month! Comes with heat, electricity and an outside toilet. Call 555-9901
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2012 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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