Haven't done a rant in a long time and had some free time on a Saturday morning, so I thought I'd do this one that I have been meaning to add for a while now. The show opens with B.C. confronting Wicked Walt and telling him that he will have to defend the Brass Knuckles Title that he won on a fluke the week prior in Holly Springs. Walt protests, but B.C. orders him to defend the title in a five-way hardcore match against The Drive Brothers, Wort, and Duke Richards.

Walt faints almost immediately and Duke goes for the cover, but Wort pulls him off. All four take turns covering and getting pulled off. Chilly Willy hits the ring and goes after Jessie Drive as Duke pairs off with Justin. Walt is still passed out on the mat, but Wort keeps saving him from getting pinned. Jessie staples Justin and then tosses him out of the ring and goes back to Duke. C.W. Anderson hits the ring and KILLS Duke, Chilly, and both Drives with a chair. Wort picks up Walt to carry him to the back but gets knocked out by Richards, allowing Walt to fall on top of him for another fluke pin and retain the title. DUD although C.W.'s run-in was fun.

B.C. and Frank Parker hit the ring for a promo to set up Parker challenging Cham Pain later tonight for the SCW Heavyweight Title. Pain and James Thurston interupt, insisting the match should be one-on-one with no outside interferance. Kross interupts them and nominates himself to be special referee of the match. B.C. agrees only if Kross can first defeat Scab to earn the referee's spot.

Lodi is out for the next match to face Shank in singles action. Shank is big and heavily tattooed, that's about it. Lodi spends a few moments jawing with the fans before they lock up. Shank gets the upperhand early Both guys go back and forth for a couple of minutes with each guy hitting some power spots and nearfalls. Lodi takes a powder to regroup and comes back in with a low blow. Lodi hits three rolling vertical suplexes for two. He follows up with a spin kick and a top rope bulldog for another two count. Shank ducks a clothesline and catches Lodi in a Russian legsweep. He follows up with clotheslines and a slam. Shank hits a spear but the ref is bumped and there is no one to count. Shank walks into an evenflow ddt to get the win. *1/2

Chris Plano (wtf?) escorts the Ragin' Bull Manny Fernandez to the ring to face the Saltwater Redneck. This could be pretty good. Manny starts off in the corner with shoulderblocks and then a head and arm suplex. He rocks Saltwater with a series of chops and then counters a backdrop attempt with a fisherman's suplex followed by a back elbow and a kneedrop. Saltwater tries some shots to the midsection but Manny no-sells and clotheslines him. Saltwater connects with a couple of punches and goes for the top-rope frankensteiner but gets caught with a powerbomb. Fernandez hits the flying burrito and finishes him off with the thunderclap brainbuster before hitting a big kneedrop just for the hell out it. Match was all Fernandez, but was not terrible. **

Up next is the Tag Title match as the $outh$ide Playas challenge Brad Hunter and Sean Thomas. Sex, Love, and Money are accompanied by Brandi Richardson as always and from the looks of Brandi's chest, it must have been a cold March evening at King's if you catch my drift. L.A. Ca$h gets some mic time (as he should) and introducing Alexis Laree to counter that "dick following, cum swallowing skank chicken head" Brandi. All four start off quickly and the Playas attempt their double bulldog. Money nails Thomas but Hunter botches an attempted corner and sorta casually tosses Cash aside. Hunter works over Cash with hammerlocks and armbars before tagging Thomas. Cash hits dropkicks on both of them and tags in Money. They hit a flapjack on Thomas and Cash dropkicks Hunter off the apron. Thomas hits a nice fireman's carry into a slam and tags Hunter back in. Just as soon as I get that typed, Thomas tags back in. The frequent tags are getting a tad ridiculous. They switch again and Hunter gets a nearfall on Money. Money plays Ricky Morton as both guys work him over for a while until he makes the hot tag to Cash. Cash is a house of fire but runs into a chairshot from Thomas. They nail Cash with a double team inverted powerbomb and Thomas covers for the pin. **, could have been better. The ladies catfight briefly and Alexis even hits a springboard 'rana off the top on Hunter.

The strobe lights come up to signal the arrival of Kross. Walt reminds everyone that if Kross wins, he will referee the main event as his opponent for the night Scab enters. Scab starts off quickly with a vertical splash and a snap suplex. He misses a charge in the corner and takes a reverse DDT though. Kross drops a leaping legdrop with great elevation for two. Scab ducks the standing sidekick and (just barely) connects with a wrap-around DDT. Kross ducks the clothesline and hits a reverse neckbreaker. Kross hits a big side slam for two. Scab catches him with a clothesline and goes up top but gets crotched. Kross whips Scab into the buckle but he accidentally bumps Mr. Jolly. Kross hits the crucifix powerbomb but the ref is still down. He tries to revive Kross but walks into a superkick for an awkward nearfall. Kross reverses an Irish whip and hits a standing side kick for three. Good match. **1/2

Up next is a three-way-dance between C.W. Anderson, Chilly Willy, and Lazarus. Well that's an interesting combination. C.W. waxing philosophically for a moment and says that this match has everything a wrestling fan could want "a black man, an Anderson, and a faggot". Chilly and C.W. start quickly as Willy nails a tilt-a-whirl on C.W. He tries the same with Lazz, but he counters it with a headscissors. Lazz gets sling-shotted by Chilly into a C.W. superkick. Anderson brings the chair in and he and Chilly brawl around it for a moment until Chilly counters a sleeper by dropping C.W. crotch-first on the chair. Chilly gets clotheslined over the top and then takes a sommersault plancha from Lazz. While on the outside, Lazz also catches Shah of Grog with a boogie kiss. Back in the ring, Lazz drops a headbutt to the groin on Chilly and dances for a moment. He goes for the pin but C.W. breaks it up. C.W. and Chilly have a chopping contest that is interupted by Lazz who gets beheaded by a clothesline from Chilly. Lazz goes for a backdrop but gets taken over with a backslide. All three trade roll-ups for two-counts. C.W. gets Lazz in a fireman's carry and swings so that Lazz kicks Chilly in the face but Lazz slides out of it and gets a DDT for two. C.W. goes face-first into the chair and Chilly tries a roll-up but it gets countered and he takes a dropkick to the face from Lazz. Chilly and Lazz square off for a minute and Chilly takes the Britney Spear but C.W. breaks up the count, attempts a spinebuster, it gets countered, he reverses the counter, tries it again and nails the spinebuster on Lazz for the pin. I am out of breath just typing all that. Really good, fast-paced match. ***

Up next is a special "Gotti Ain't Got Time" challenge for the North Carolina Title. You see Gotti ain't got time for a long match, so if Dewey Cheatum cannot defeat Gotti in ten minutes, he will have to leave SCW. Persephone accompanies Dewey to the ring and as always, Lilly (wearing an extremely short skirt and flesh-colored thong, just for the record) is by the champ's side. Lilly gets right in front of the cameraman and flashes the aforementioned thong to him as she leans over to get in the ring. Damn I want her. Anyway, both men taunt the crowd before the start of the match. The bell sounds and Gotti attacks with rights and an Irish whip followed by a series of counters ending with Dewey nailing a headscissors takedown. They roll to the floor and then back in the ring where Dewey takes over with some big-time chops. Dewey grabs a chair and suplexes Gotti onto it. He goes up top for the big headbutt but misses and gets only chair. Gotti takes it to the outside and rams Dewey into the chair as Lilly holds it. Gotti charges the corner but Dewey moves, ducks a clothesline but gets caught with a leaping back kick from Gotti followed by a legdrop. Dewey is busted open and takes a backdrop. Gotti catches Dewey with a backbreaker and then bends the back across his knee. Dewey tries another headscissors but gets caught with a second backbreaker followed by a reverse chinlock. Gotti goes for a powerbomb but Dewey wiggles free and gets a rollup for two. Gotti ducks a right cross and hits a ferris wheel suplex to successfully slow the pace down. He chokes Dewey across the ropes and then grabs the ref allowing Lilly to do the same. Boy I'd let her choke me. Fans at ringside have begun slipping dollar bills in Lilly's g-string…why does this never occur when I am in the crowd?! Dewey gets a sunset flip for two but eats a clothesline. Gotti drapes the challenger across the middle rope and then hits a legdrop off the buckle. Gotti drops a leg between the legs of Cheatum. Gotti charges in the corner with a clothesline. He Irish whips Dewey into the corner back-first and then locks on a camel clutch with two minutes remaining in the match. He continues with a pair of swinging neckbreakers and an elbowdrop from the middle rope. He goes for a top-rope legdrop but misses and the crowd rallies behind Dewey who hits a back elbow, clothesline, and a dropkick before getting caught with the TKO for two. Fifteen seconds left and Lilly nails Dewey from behind with the belt. With five seconds left, Dewey nails the flatliner and goes for the pin, but Lilly faints at ringside to break the count. Time runs out with Dewey having Gotti pinned, but not getting the three count and Gotti is declared the winner. Dewey begins cutting a promo about fate, but James Thurston makes one more appearance and essentially says that was bullshit and Dewey has one more chance. Gotti charges the ring and gets nailed with the flatliner and pinned as Dewey wins the title. Persephone and Lilly catfight in the ring with Lilly hitting the bronco buster and Persephone hitting the sweetface. Persephone lays Lilly out and then strips her down to her underwear, which is fine by me. Gotti covers her up, because after all, it is good to be Gotti, and they exit. Maybe it is just me, but I LOVED the entire Dewey/Gotti feud. ***

It's main event time as SCW Heavyweight Champion Cham Pain takes on Frank Parker with Kross as the ref and B.C. at ringside. Pain opens with a monkey flip out of the corner and Parker complains to Kross. Pain continues with armdrag takedowns as B.C. complains that Pain was pulling hair. Parker is bald, just in case the irony of that was lost on anyone out there. Parker regroups and clotheslines Pain over the top to the floor. Parker hits a DDT back in the ring and begins working over his smaller opponent in the corner. He hits a standing frankensteiner out of the corner. It didn't exactly look pretty, but for a guy that looks to be at least 270 it was impressive. A much more aestically pleasing standing dropkick follows and then he drops Pain throat-first across the top. Parker poses for a moment but gets rolled up for two. Parker controls the pace of the match with a snapmare and a kneedrop. He hits a nice vertical suplex and gets a two count. Pain fires back with rights and lefts but gets caught with an elbow for his efforts. Parker chokes Pain in the corner Pain counters a backdrop attempt with a big swinging DDT and goes for the cover but Kross stops counting at two. Pain turns around and gets nailed with the belt by Parker who covers and gets the win as Kross counts a fast three count. After the match, Pain decks both Parker and Kross with the belt and hits B.C. with the House of Pain. **

Final analysis: All-in-all, this show is pretty standard fare, but SCW has some fairly high standards most of the time, so this show is not bad at all. Sex, Love, and Money vs the Playas could have been better, as could Pain and Parker, but as it was, both were pretty good ** matches. The Dewey vs Gotti blowoff and the three-way were both quite good, plus it was kinda cool to see Fernandez at Kings. Recommended show, check it out if you get a chance.