They boarded the bus one by one and took their places doing what they had been doing. Everything was quiet for awhile, and Rayanne started to get tired.

“I’m so wiped. I’m gonna go lay down.” she said as she leaned her head against Nick’s shoulder.

“Are you OK hun? You’ve been tired a lot lately.”

“Yes, I’m just not used to life as a ‘Backstreet Boy’ yet.”

Nick laughed. “You are a lot of things Rayanne, but an anything boy is not one of them!”

“You’re just a barrel full of laughs Nickolas. Let me out so I can lay down.” she said trying to push him as she scootched out of the seat.

She made her way to Nick’s bunk and fell right asleep.

“Hey B, wanna let me kick your ass at Final Fantasy?”

“Ha ha Nicky. I wanna let you try to kick my anything at Final Fantasy.

Nick and Brian headed to the back of the bus to play their game, the rest of them tagging along to watch. LeighAnne, Amanda and Lyndsey took seats on the couch and just talked.

A few minutes into the conversation Amanda and LeighAnne noticed that Lyndsey's attention wasn't all on them. She was watching Nick. The same way LeighAnne had seen her watch Nick while they were a couple. After about an hour, Rayanne woke up and came to the back with everyone else, noticing it too.

"There’s my Ray of Sunshine!" Nick said when he finally noticed she had come back.

"Hi sweetie."

"Quiet, I'm playing."

Rayanne laughed then joined in on the conversation with the other girls when the bus stopped.

"We're here..." Rayanne said with total relief in her voice.

Everyone except Brian and Nick got off the bus. They stayed behind to finish their game. A short while later they made their way inside.

"I'm so glad we're here!" Nick said as he walked into their room.

"Me too." Rayanne said with a smile and gave him a kiss.

"Hey, do you mind if Lyndsey and I go off and do something? It's like...our place."

"No...not at all. Go have fun."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." she smiled.

"Okay." he gave her a quick kiss and ran down the hall to Lyndsey's room.

"Lyn! Come on!" Nick shouted as he barged into her room.

"Okay..." She said with a laugh. "Where are we going?"

"We're in Milan. Our city."

Lyndsey smiled as she remembered. They were in Milan when they shared their first kiss, and when Nick asked her to be his girlfriend.

They got outside the hotel and Lyndsey jumped on Nick's back for a piggy-back ride to the limo. They got in and started talking about their past. It soon got too intense, so they changed the subject.

"Remember when my shoe got stuck on the stairs on stage and I fell on my face?" Nick asked.

"Yes! How could I not?" Lyndsey laughed.

*Later that day*
"I had fun today, Nick." Lyndsey said as they climbed out of the limo at the end of the day and headed back into the hotel.

"Me too." he said and gave her a hug.

They climbed onto the elevator, and Lyndsey started singing.

"Oh yeah, come on now, oh yeah; Oh yeah, come on now, oh yeah; Oh yeah, come on now oh yeah; Oh yeah, come on now, oh yeah"

A smile grew on Nick's face. He loved it when she sang.

"Boy I've been watching you and you've been watching me. I know you want me baby I'm gonna make you see. I'll give you what you need, I know the way you feel, I'll take you higher baby, I want you here with me. Everything you say, everything you do, makes me go crazy baby I want you, you have turned me on, and that's the way it is, nothing could be better than this..." Lyndsey sang and danced for Nick.

As she sang, Nick realized that he still had some of the same feelings for her he did when they were together. Before she could finish the song, he moved close to her. She sang until she was cut off by his hands gently on her face, and his lips on hers.

They pulled away. "I love you Nickyolas."

"Lyn..." he kissed her again.

The kiss deepened as the elevator doors opened.

"Nick!" Brian shouted.

Nick and Lyndsey jumped apart.

"Oh shit." Nick said.

"Lyn, you might want to go somewhere other than near Nick." Brian said.

Lyndsey walked off the elevator, and to her room.

Brian stepped on the elevator, at the same time Nick tried to get off it.

"Nice try. Get back here." Brian said, grabbing Nick by the back of his shirt.

"Brian, I know what you're going to say." Nick said rolling his eyes.

"Good! I'll say it anyway! You have a girlfriend!"

"I know. It's just...being here in Milan...it brought stuff back, ya know?"

"Nick, if you love Ray, stuff from your past with my sister should not be coming back."

"Brian, I don’t need this from you."

"Ray is my friend and I don't want to see her hurt Nick. And maybe you do need to hear this from me. I'm the only one you've ever halfway listened to!"

"Lyn is your sister!"

"Which is exactly why I'll have LeighAnne talk to her!"

The elevator doors opened and Nick started to walk off again.

"I'm not done."

Brian grabbed Nick by the shirt again, as the doors shut, he hit the emergency button.

"Well I am, so let me off!" Nick said.

"No. Why were you kissing her?"

"I told you."

"Milan brought stuff back...do you love her?"

"Who?"

"Lyndsey."

"This is so stupid."

"It's a simple question. Yes or no?" Nick didn’t answer. "Okay...let me put it this way. Do you love Ray?"

"You know the answer to that question."

"Do I?" Brian asked.

Nick opened the elevator doors and stormed off.

"WRONG FLOOR!" Brian shouted after his best friend.

The doors shut again, and Brian rode up to their floor, got off, and went to Nick and Rayanne's room.

"Ray, I've got to talk to you in a minute."

"Okay." she said from where she was sitting on the bed watching a movie.

Brian went to his and LeighAnne’s room and found all the girls in a huddle. "Leigh, Lyn, I need to talk to you two."

LeighAnne and Lyndsey got Amanda to leave, then Brian brought up what had happened. LeighAnne looked at Lyndsey with a look that said she expected something to happen.

Knowing LeighAnne was going to talk to Lyndsey, Brian left and went to see Rayanne.

"Ray...something happened. I'm not sure if you've heard yet...something between Nick and Lyn." he started.

"Oh God..."

"It's not that bad. But it's bad enough, given the situation."

Brian explained that Milan was where they kissed for the first time, and that this was where Nick asked Lyndsey to be his girlfriend, then told her about the kiss he had seen them share in the elevator.

"What??"

"I think just being in this city together made things confusing for Nick. I talked to him already. I think he feels bad. He will tell probably tell you. But if he doesn't come clean, let me know."

"Okay...thanks Bri."

"Not a problem Ray." He gave her a comforting hug.

LeighAnne and Lyndsey were done talking, Lyndsey deciding to go apologize to Rayanne.

"Ray?" Lyndsey said from outside the door after lightly knocking twice.

"Go away please."

"Ray, I need to talk."

"Lyndsey, please. Just go away!"

"Fine! You obviously already know what happened. I came to apologize. I hope you will at least hear Nick out!" she shouted through the door.

The door flung open. "Okay, so you apologize, but it doesn't take away the fact that you kissed Nick, my boyfriend!"

"Maybe you should check your man Ray. Because if his heart was with you, he wouldn't have kissed me in the elevator. This is not my fault!"

"How is it not?"

"He came and asked me to go out. He kissed me in the elevator. He did this! It's obvious who he really cares about Ray. Me! I had him first, and I always will. Don't forget that. I'll always have a place in his heart no matter who he's with, or who he says he loves."

Rayanne stood there, not quite sure what to say to Lyndsey...was she right?

"Exactly. You know I'm right." Lyndsey said, then walked off to her room.

Rayanne slammed the door and flopped down on her bed. ”Why would he do this to me?” she thought to herself as she began to cry. She rolled over and curled into a ball. Less than five minutes later Nick walked into their room. Rayanne sat up in bed and wiped her eyes quickly.

“Hey sweetie.” he said.

“Hi. Have fun today?”

“Yeah I did.”

“What did you do?”

“Umm...went to see some stuff.”

“Where’s Lyn?”

“Got some pizza. Coke.”

“Where’s Lyndsey?” she asked again.

“She’s...I don’t know. I left her earlier.”

“How long ago did you get back? And where have you been if you’ve been back?”

“Half hour? I was walking, I got bored.”

“Bored? You didn’t miss me enough to come back and see me?”

“I was gone for a day. Less than a day.”

“Something wrong?”

“No. Why would something be wrong?”

“I don’t know. You tell me. You’re being awful ‘short’ with me.”

“Well, you’re here. I’m here...what’s missing?”

“Lyndsey?”

“What’s that supposed to mean Ray?”

“You were fine when you left, you were with her all day, now something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong!”

“Something is wrong!”

“If you’re so sure, why don’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t I get a kiss when you came in?”

“You want a kiss?”

“Not now.”

“Fine! Then don’t bitch about not getting one.”

“I’m not bitching! Why are you being an asshole?!”

“Because you’re so persistent that something is wrong when nothing is!”

“What did you guys talk about today?” she asked, trying to get it out of him.

“What does that have to do with something being wrong?”

“I just wanted to know.”

“We talked about how it was before.” he answered quickly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Was that fun?”

“Why are you so concerned? Is it that big of a deal?”

“Gee Nick, I was wondering how my sweetie’s day was, sorry for the concern.”

“Because if it is, maybe you should have made me stay here.” he said not listening to her.

“I’m not going to make you stay here. I’m not your mother.”

“Good. You want your kiss now?”

“Yes. Then I want to talk more.”

“About what?” he asked as he leaned down and kissed her lips softly.

“This.” she said as he pulled away.

“No. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I do.”

“Well I don’t, and you can’t make me.”

“I have a right to know if something happened today Nick.”

“What makes you think something happened?

“The way you’re acting.”

“I’m done talking.”

“Well I’m not.”

“Well I’m leaving.”

“Why are you leaving? We can’t have a conversation?

“I’m not talking about this Ray. It’s asinine. Nothing happened and if you don’t believe me, then maybe you should leave.”

“If nothing happened, why are you so defensive?”

“Wouldn’t you get defensive?”

“I could answer a few simple questions without throwing a fit!”

“Yeah?”

“I know you Nick, you seem to forget that. I know if nothing happened you wouldn’t be acting like this.”

“I’m done talking. I’ll be down the hall when you get that through your head.” He started toward the door before he was stopped by Rayanne’s voice.

“Oh Nick...before you go...”

He turned to face her. “What?”

“I already know about the elevator. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Damn it.” she heard him mumble as he rolled his eyes and hung his head.

She waited for him to continue.

“No.” he managed. “It just...”

“Why did you do it?”

“It just felt right. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Well you did.”

“It just happened.”

“So if it felt right for me to kiss Brian?”

“That is different Ray! You know it! Don’t pull that shit!”

“How is it different Nick?”

“Brian is not your ex. He wasn’t your first love.”

“No he wasn’t Nick. You were. You are.”

“I know that.” he said quietly.

“You love me right Nick?”

“Yes I do. I love you Ray. Very much.”

“So when you were kissing her did you think of me?”

“Do I have to answer that?”

“Yes.” She began to cry.

“Honestly, no. I didn’t. Memories of my past with Lyn came back. But once it was over...I did. I thought of you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked quietly, looking away from him.

“I thought if you didn’t know...” he trailed off. She looked at him and saw that he was crying, tears slowly dripping from his eyes. “it wouldn’t matter.” he finished.

“You have, or had feelings for someone else Nick. That matters and you know it.”

“It was a kiss Ray.”

“OK then, let me ask you a question. If it was ‘just a kiss’ and it doesn’t seem to matter that much...all the kisses you give me...not a big deal either?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“It must mean something to kiss your first love.”

Instead of saying anything, he turned away from her.

“Look at me please.”

“I don’t want to hurt you Rayanne.” He kept his back to her.

“You already did Nick.”

Neither of them spoke for a minute, Rayanne starting to realize where this conversation was going to go.

“It was more than a kiss wasn’t it? It meant more to you.”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do.”

“No I don’t. If I knew I would have said ‘Yes Ray, it meant something to me.’ or ‘No, it meant nothing.’”

“Do you still love her?”

“Can I go kiss her again to clarify?”

“Fine. You do what you want. I’m done.”

“Ray!”

“Say something stupid like that and watch me stay.”

“At least I asked this time!”

Her mouth fell open. “You honestly expect me to tell you to go kiss her?”

“Do you trust me?”

“I don’t know if I do or not.”

“Fine. You can have this room to yourself tonight.”

“Would you trust me if I kissed Jeff?”

“What?”

“Would you trust me?”

“That part of the conversation is over with.”

“And why is that? Can’t handle it?”

“This conversation is over period.”

“You kissed someone else Nick.”

“No shit.”

“Am I supposed to not be hurt?”

Out in the hall, Brian, LeighAnne, AJ and Kevin heard the yelling and stood outside the door to try and hear what was going on.

“Do you have any idea how I feel right now?” she continued.

“None at all.”

“Good, because I love you enough to never want you to feel like this.”

“But like I said, this conversation is over.” he said, not listening to her. “I’ll go elsewhere for the night.”

“Fine.”

He walked to the door, jerking it open. Brian, LeighAnne, AJ and Kevin fell in when the door was opened, tumbling on top of each other.

“Real nice guys. Get out of my way.” he snapped as he walked over them and down the hall.

LeighAnne stepped toward Rayanne, who had turned her back to them. “Ray?”

She turned around to face LeighAnne, her face streaked with tears. “Leigh?”

“What happened?”

Rayanne looked past LeighAnne’s shoulders to see Lyndsey standing in the doorway, where AJ and Kevin had been.

“What do you want?”

“Lyn, you don’t need to be here right now. Go back to your room please.” Brian asked of his sister.

Lyndsey obliged and turned to quietly walk back to her room.

“He won’t even talk to me about it. He wasn’t going to tell me. I just had to tell him I knew, then he turned it around to be my fault cause I wanted to talk about it.”

LeighAnne gave her a hug, but didn’t say anything.

“He’s not coming back tonight.”

“Ray, that’s how he is. When he knows he’s wrong he turns away.” Brian tried to comfort her.

“Doesn’t he understand how much worse this is making it? He won’t even talk to me. I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“I know sweetie.” LeighAnne said quietly as Rayanne pulled away from her.

“He has to talk to me. He has no choice.”

“You’re right. He does. But he needs to do what he’s gonna do right now. He’ll come back and you can talk.”

“What if he doesn’t come back Brian?”

“He will. I’m not saying he’s going to be any better, but he’ll be back. You need to let him blow off his steam for now.”

“I hate this. I didn’t even know about her until a week ago. Now...I can’t do this.” she said breaking down again.

She sat down on the bed, Brian taking a seat next to her, hugging her. She was silent for a few minutes.

“Do you want to talk more?”

“Actually, I think I want to be alone for awhile. I’m gonna try to take a nap, I can’t even think about this anymore right now.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

Brian and LeighAnne got up to leave, telling her they’d be in their room if she needed anything. They walked out the door shutting it behind them. Rayanne laid down and closed her eyes, trying to fall asleep, but she couldn’t get the image of Nick and Lyndsey kissing out of her mind. She started to feel bad about not giving Lyndsey a chance to apologize earlier, so after splashing her face with water and wiping her eyes, she walked down the hall to talk to Lyndsey.

*Knock, Knock*

“Lyn?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, come in.”

Rayanne opened the door slowly and walked into Lyndsey’s room.

“So...” Lyndsey started.

“I talked to Nick about what happened.”

“And?”

“Do you want to explain yourself too?”

“I didn’t do it. He kissed me. I have nothing to explain.”

“You didn’t kiss him back?”

“Out of like..instinct, yeah. But he started it.”

“He’s not coming back to our room tonight. I just thought I’d warn you. I’m sure you’ll be getting a visitor.”

“How are you so sure?”

“Out of like...instinct.”

“Oh whatever. Grow up.”

“So what are you going to do if he shows up tonight Lyn?”

“Depends on what time it is.”

“Don’t be such a smartass.”

“All I meant was if he shows up at 1 a.m. he better not expect me to answer my door.”

“Did he tell you he loved you?”

“No, he didn’t.”

“How far did you plan on going if you didn’t get caught?”

“As far as he was going to take me. I still love him.”

“So-”

“But I wouldn’t have slept with him if that’s what you’re getting at.” she interrupted as Rayanne started to speak.

“Did you think at all that he was with me? I thought we were friends too.”

“Ray! He kissed me!” she said a little defensively. “I did think about that, but the kiss felt so right, so natural...”

“That’s not the point anymore. You could have pushed him away.”

“I guess I got greedy.”

“Did you know he’s the only person I’ve ever made love to? The only person I’ve ever been in love with? Did you know that?”

“No I didn’t.”

“Well now you do.”

“Now I know. If I had then, things would have been different.”

“So you know now, and things will be different. You can keep your lips off him.”

“Don’t you worry you’re pretty little tattooed self.” she snapped.

“He’s mine now. You had you’re chance.”

“You’re a bitch. Do you have any idea how hard that break up was? On both of us?”

“Truth hurts huh? And no I don’t, because I never even knew about you until you showed up.”

“I haven’t dated since then, and you’re the first girl Nick has been with.”

“No one ever told me, I know Nick must love you if he didn’t tell me about you.” she said sarcastically, although deep down she knew that was the truth.

“Shut up.” Lyndsey retaliated sensing her sarcasm.

“Someone getting defensive?”

“Please get out of my room.”

“I don’t think we’re done talking about this Lyn.”

“I do! Leave!” she said pushing Rayanne back toward the door.

“Do not touch me!” Rayanne yelled.

“Then get the hell out of my room!

“Fine! But you remember Lyndsey Littrell, who he loves now.”

“Get out! Leave me alone!” She pushed her again, harder this time.

“I’m going! Keep your hands off me bitch!”

“Oh, you did it now. Call me a bitch again.”

“Ow!” Rayanne yelled as Lyndsey grabbed her by the arm and jerked her around as she was walking out the door. “Bitch.”

Lyndsey pulled her fist back and slammed it into Rayanne’s right cheek. “I’ll show you a bitch.”

“What the fuck?! You have no right to be starting shit with me! You are the one who kissed my boyfriend.”

“You called me a bitch. Nobody calls Lyndsey Littrell a bitch.”

“Looks like I just did.” Rayanne countered backing into the hallway. “Gonna hit me again?”

“Don’t you tempt me.”

“Come on Lyn...hit me. Show me how mature you are.”

Before the sentence was even done leaving Rayanne’s lips Lyndsey had lunged at her again, slapping her face. Rayanne slapped her back, pulled her hand back and punched Lyndsey in the stomach.

“You are just plain fucked up, ya know that?” Lyndsey said holding her stomach.

“I’m fucked up? I’m sorry if I’m fighting for something I love Lyndsey.” Rayanne got in Lyndsey’s face, Lydnsey pushing her back into the wall in the hallway.

Inside Brian and LeighAnne’s room, Kevin had found Nick and convinced him to sit down and talk to his best friend. They three of them were there with LeighAnne when they heard the yelling and ran into the hallway to see what was going on.

“Oh my God! What are they doing?!” Nick yelled taking off down the hallway, followed by Brian, Kevin and LeighAnne.

“Lyndsey!” Brian yelled. They reached the girls, Nick grabbing Rayanne and Brian grabbing his sister.

“All I want to know is why?” Rayanne yelled, almost inaudible through her crying.

“Why what? Did I take something that was already mine?!” Lyndsey screamed just as loud.

“Bitch, bitch, bitch!” she yelled trying to get away from Nick.

“Lyn, get in your room now.” Brian instructed her. “Leigh, take Nick somewhere.”

LeighAnne took Nick, who was crying now, by the hand as he let go of Rayanne. “Come on sweetie, let’s go for a walk.”

“Rayanne, come.” Brian said taking her hand, leading her down the hallway to his room.

He pulled her inside and shut the door.

“Brian, I’m sorry.” she managed to say through her tears.

She fell into his arms and he held her tight until she was able to speak.

“My God, Brian, what am I going to do?”

“Everything will be OK Ray, I will make them OK.”

“Brian, she’s your sister.”

“And you’re my friend. I love you too Rayanne.”

She reached her hand up to wipe the tears rolling down both of her cheeks.

“So...uh, what happened anyway?”

“I went to her room to talk to her. I have never felt like this in my life Brian, and she was making me feel worse, like he was hers all along.”

“So you got mad and-”

“And I called her a bitch.. She started screaming shit at me and told me to get out of her room.”

“Then...?” he prompted her.

“I called her a bitch again and she punched me. So I walked out.”

“So what was going on in the-”

“She followed me out. I’m not sure who started it out there.”

“Oh God. You stay here, I’m gonna go talk to Lyn. I’ll send Kev in with some ice for your cheek.”

“OK.”

Brian walked out of his room and down the hall to his sister’s. A few moments later Kevin showed up at the door with a bucket of ice and some towels. He made a pack for Rayanne’s already swollen cheek and gently placed it on.

“Shit!” she winced when it touched her cheek.

“Sorry hun.” he said quietly as he rubbed her back.

“It’s OK. I’m sorry Kev, for acting so dumb. I’m sure everyone in the hotel probably knows what’s going on.”

“Nah, it’s OK. No one’s gonna hold anything against anyone.”

*Knock, Knock*

Kevin got up to answer the door. Rayanne heard people talking softly at the doorway but didn’t bother to turn and see who it was. She felt someone sit on the bed next to her. She turned expecting it to be Kevin. Instead she saw Nick.

She looked away, unable to look him in the eye.

“I’m sorry Ray. I want to talk.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you right now.”

“I know that’s not true.”

“You can talk.”

“Let me say one thing. I don’t know exactly why I let my feelings for Lyndsey get to the point that I could kiss her and not think of you. But I did. I’m sorry for that.”

“OK.”

“Rayanne Elizabeth, please look at me.

With brief hesitation Rayanne turned herself on the bed to face Nick.

“Oh my God Ray, you’re face.”

“Yeah?”

“Please talk to me.”

“I am talking.”

“I mean talk.”

“I don’t see why anything I say can make a bit of difference now.”

“I want to know how you feel.”

“I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel dumb.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Ya know what the weird thing is? I know you are. You’re not just saying that. And I could understand a kiss Nick.”

“What do you mean?”

“A kiss. If you kissed some girl you didn’t know, believe it or not, that would be a lot easier to handle than this.”

“What-”

“But knowing how you felt about Lyndsey when you were together makes that simple kiss suddenly become so much more. I know what’s it like to kiss your first love Nick. I do it everyday. It means a lot more than is even imaginable.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.” he said again.

“I know. There’s only one thing I care about now.”

“What?”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes. You know I do.”

“But you love her too.”

Nick didn’t answer. As she looked at him she saw that he was crying harder, his body slumped over. She let the ice pack fall to the floor and let her head fall into her hands.

“I am so sorry Rayanne. I wish I could take it all away.”

“You can’t.”

“I would.”

She didn’t say anything. He moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.

“I could explain and apologize forever, but nothing I can say will change how you feel-because of me.”

He could feel her body shaking against him. He held her tight but she still didn’t speak.

After a long silence she pulled away from him and hung her head.

“Ray, please. Is there anything you want to say to me? Please talk to me.” he said sobbing.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them she looked him in the eye and said the only thing she needed him to know.

“I love you.”

She stood up, walked to the door and shut it behind her as she walked out of the room.