but have you heard of these guys
PHAT 9
(THE PHREAKS AT TABLE 9)
the newest of the boy bands, brought to you by
R.L. Barnes, CEO of YYZ records.
Phat 9, (pictured below) have just finished work on their new album, Caught in the Act, and in an interview with R.L. Barnes we get to learn a little about this group firsthand from the man they all consider more than a boss. "He is more like a father to us all" states band member Jeffy. "He takes good care of us and will not let us go to drugs or things that rot your teeth or any of the other evils in life."
PHAT 9
phat 9 from left:Jeffy, Greggy, Davey, J.J., and Paul (aka Hardstock)
Together they make up The Phreaks at Table 9
on Jeffy: "Jeffy is the oldest member of Phat 9 at 19 years old. He is mostly known for his adonis-like hair that the young women always pull whenever they can get close enough. His forte' is dancing, and he is so smooth that some people have compared him to Elvis. In his spare time he likes to follow mens gymnastics. His dream in life is to become the owner of his own dance studio."
on Greggy: "Greggy is the one with the silky smooth deep voice that drives the middle-school girls crazy. His voice has been compared to a mix of Barry White and James Earl Jones. He is 18 years old and I found him at an audition for a spot in a Chucky Cheese commercial. Greggy loves the outdoors and strives to one day be a professional wiffle ball player."
on Davey: "Davey is the most vocal member of the group, but it rarely seems that he has anything important to say. He is 16 years old and is mostly known for his on-stage antics. He usually throws an article of his clothing to the crowd at each show. He enjoys outdoor activities and once lost 4 toes and 1 nipple in a kayaking accident. His biggest dream is to one day star in a Lifetime movie with his idol David Faustino."
on J.J.: "J.J., 16, is the prankster of the group. He is always trying to make someone laugh with jokes on stage or a funny face. His dancing is very Michael Jacksonish with a hint of some Milli Vanilla influence. J.J. enjoys long hours of soap operas with his french poodle, Poopy. He also likes extremely tight underwear. He longs to one day be a captain of his own shrimp boat."
on Paul: "Paul, more commonly known as Hardstock, is the one who usually does any of the freestyle rapping or rhymin' that needs to be done. He received his nickname because of the hard life he lived on the streets of Brooklyn growing up. The streets are where he polished his rapping stlye. Hardstock, 17, enjoys hanging out in clubs and taking any oppurtunity to show his skills. He can't wait until his music days are over so that he may follow his dream of being a stock boy at Toys'r'us."
on the band: "I asure you that all of these men, er boys, are all their stated ages. The sound may be rough, but there is no overdubbing and it's all real. This band will surpass the expections set by former boy bands, and will be the most successful one yet."
on himself: "So many people are making money off of no-talent dumbasses, why can't I? No, seriously, I feel that this band will have the staying power needed to live forever. Kind of like Stairway to Heaven and Tiffany. Also, check out my soon to be released solo album (Why is everyone but me a dumbass?) So come see us on the road and we will show you a good time.
note: the first single from the new album, Caught in the Act, by the same title will be released soon. Below is a sneak preview of the new album cover that R.L. provided to us, get your copy as soon as it comes out.
sneak preview of the new album cover
PHAT 9
CAUGHT IN THE ACT
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