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NEWCASTLE UNITED, THE ONE AND ONLY?

The famous ad slogan from Newcastle Brown Ale, "The One and Only" could also be applied to the Toon, well actually no it couldn't. On a web search today I found the website for another Newcastle United. Newcastle in Australia have a football team which play at a 25,000 capacity ground and guess what they're called, yeah Newcastle United. They play in blue and red are doing well in the Australian soccer league.

Newcastle United (original) have links with a team down under if my memory is correct but I'm pretty sure it's not Newcastle United. looks like they're backing the wrong team!

A special hello to any Geordies in the Gulf serving in the forces. Take care and hope your back home safe soon.

Do you have a funny story about supporting the toon, send an email and I'll put it up. My tale is more of a confession, when I was a teenager I worked at the ground selling bovril and mince pies GRIM. The benefit was we got to see most of the second half, anyway this was during DIV 1 days and the club skimped on tills and provided us with wooden trays, not even a calculator. CHEERS! So was it any wonder that with 3,000 hungry fans per kiosk baying for meat we used to get muddled up.

After one match day we added up the stock and were about £20 down, we all got a grilling and they left us to check the stock again, still £20 down. We all knew each other and were quite sure no one had knicked it, but also knew that if it didn’t balance we would get the boot. One of the lads decided to run along to the next kiosk and "borrow" a box of crisps to make our stock balance. As he was away walkie talkies could be heard and the bosses were back. We waited expecting him to walk in with the box and get caught. He did come in seconds later empty handed. We all got sacked as the money still didn't balance. As we were leaving the lad who had gone to get the box had heard the boss coming and in a panic ran into the bogs and chucked the box of walkers into the toilet cistern.

As we walked to the bus stop tails between our legs little did we no that the box was pressing down on the float to stop the water and created a mini Niagra falls in the women's bogs, completely flooding them.

When I got home I told him what happened, (obviously emitting the bit about the box of crisps) he decided to phone the club on Monday. He spoke to Freddie Fletcher and the next Saturday I was back at the match selling bovril. As for the box of crisps, imagine their surprise when they found out what was causing the flood. I still don't think to this day they knew how they got there…..well now they do. Should have had tills anyway, what use is a wooden tray!

Remember Newcastle losing to Arsenal in the FA cup final a few years back? I was in South Africa at the time and as I was walking home in the early hours of the defeat I noticed The Cape Argus one of S.A national newspapers printed notices on all the lamposts 'SHEARER SINKS THE GUNNERS' with date. They were obviously a bit over optimistic at time of going to print.

The poster in a frame is a must have for any memorabilia collector. This auction will run till the end of the season and the money raised will be donated to NSPCC north. I will try and get Shearer to sign it, hopefully he will. Email bids to the email address at the bottom of the page.

For over 100 years Geordies have gathered around the pitch at St James and sung their hearts out for the lads. If you know any ancient mythical tunes that are in danger of being lost forever send an email and i'll post them up. I'll start the ball rolling with a song my Grandad used to sing while he was dusting his tomatoes in his greenhouse.

DU YE KEN HUGHIE GALLACHER A WEE SCOTCH LAD
BEST CENTRE FORWARD THAT NEWCASTLE EVER HAD
BUT IF HE DOESNT SCORE A GOAAAAL, WE KICK UP THE...
AND SEND HIM BACK TO SCOTLAND IN THE MORNIN!!!!

This song was sung in the twenties and it would be great to hear a revamped version in the 21st century. Shearer, Geordie and Blackburn spring to mind. Does anyone have a song older than 80 years old. ?

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The Armstrongs

DAD - Time for a bath howere pet get the Kettle on
JUDY - Ar ye al reet in the heed, gan in the shooah, your not usin that tin thing in front of the fire
DAD - Why not like, i'm ower tired to gan up the stairs i'll just get in the bath doon here.
MUTHA - Yull not ya knaa, i'm not havin ye starkas splashin aboot when i'm trying to watch endas
TOM- Why do ya wanna use a tin bath like, when wuv got a bath upstairs, we're not in a catherine cookson drama
DAD - Eesh, how wa ever gan win this city o culture bid if yu divvin express ya geordie heritage
JUDY - geordie heritage tu me isnt sittin in a tin bath pretendin i'm a mina,
TOM - yu divint have to pretend, yu ar a minga
DAD - Hey thats yur sista ya talkin aboot......its not her fault she looks like a sack o spuds.
JUDY - Reet thats it get tha bath oot!!!!! I'm ganna droon the pair o yees.