Two friends have been parted for six years. They made a promise eight years ago that they would come to each
other when they were in need. Now Taylor is getting married and Jill has to go back to the life she didn't want to
really go back to and face. But in the end, maybe Jill is glad that she's going home.
**Prologue** There was a song that once said: "You have to leave home to miss home." When I left home, I thought it would be the greatest thing in the world. My best friend and I made a promise that we would stay friends forever.
We hadn't seen each other in six years. He was getting married. I was invited. And I promised him in his time of need, I would be there for him. So a promise is a promise. I never really did want to go back to Tulsa, Oklahoma. But half of me was really glad I was going back. I can't really say I've had a home to lay my head at night. So usually I thought Taylor Hanson's house was my home.
My parents divorced the summer we had made the promise. So I snuck out at night to talk to Taylor. We would talk about anything. We could speak our minds. We would talk for hours and hours. But as we grew older, it all kind of slipped away. I felt scared to share that my parents were divorcing. I was different from Taylor. I knew he would try to comfort me. I didn't understand my parents' separation.
But like I said, a promise is a promise.
*****1*****
Still living in Tulsa, the same house with his mother, Taylor's father left the house in the hands of Isaac, who soon got married, moved away, and passed it on to Taylor. I saw my house as I stepped nonchalantly out of my car. It looked quite cozy. Right next door to Taylor's house. Still in its place. I gazed over at Taylor's house. Still the same. Flowers bloomed. The house looked as happy and snug as always.
I took my possessions that I had in my back seat. Taylor invited me to stay with him and his wife until they were married. I casually walked to the front door and rang the doorbell, nervously lighting a cigarette. What would I say after six years of not seeing him? I turned around and thought hard.
"Excuse me? Can I help you?" a familiar woman's voice asked.
I quickly faced the woman. Gentle. The woman I always thought of as my own mother. Diana. I smiled and threw my cigarette down and smashed it with my foot. "Diana?!" I exclaimed, opening my arms to her.
She embraced me. She smelled of ivory soap. I smiled as she hugged me tightly. "Wow, Jillian Marie, you've grown since six years! You were eighteen then - when you left for France? My oh my, it's a thrill." She paused. "Do come in!"
I laughed. "It's me, Diana. I can't believe it either, but it's really me. Same ol' Jill. How are you?" I questioned, picking up my bags and followed her into the house. Same lemon scent. I loved the smell of lemons. And like always, I sneezed.
"I'm great. Jess has moved out, Avery's on her way just about...Mack's got an obsession with soccer, Zac's coming home, and Zoe's good." She paused when I sneezed. "Bless you, hon," Diana said. "We still keep the house lemon-fresh!" She grabbed my bags. She looked as if she had trouble lifting them all. I quickly ran to her side and grabbed a bag from her hand.
"Oh, Diana. Don't carry all of them. Let me help you," I said, following her to the guest room. It was Jessica's old room. It was decorated in kittens like it had been. Jessica was always a cat fan. I remembered always, for every birthday, giving Jessica a cat card.
"Here you are. Jessie's old room," Diana told me with a sigh.
"How is Jessie?" I asked.
"Good. She's majoring in Psychology. Then she's off to four years of Medical School. I'm so, so proud of her. Avery's majoring in English, so she's already planned. She's driving now. And Mack's a good team player. Like Zac was." She paused. "Ike, Zac, and Jessie are all coming home."
"How's Zac?" I asked, sitting down on the bed.
"Oh, he's got a girlfriend who I don't approve of. Zac's in college, almost done. Major is English. And Ike is married, gone to Indiana for business, and has a little girl, Noelle. Life passes by so quickly."
Right she was. I had been taking time asking about everyone but my own best friend. "How is Taylor...and his fiancé?" I muttered, lighting a cigarette. Diana didn't seem to mind. "Do you care if I-?"
"It's your home, too. Always will be." My mother moved out of the real home I lived in and died two years ago. I came back from France and went to her funeral. My father was in California somewhere. I couldn't find him. After years of searching, nothing came up on him. She paused. "Taylor's good. His fiancé Beth lost a baby not too long ago."
"Oh..."
"They'll be home soon. I told him to be home at least by two since you said you'd be here around one or so. Anyway, I bet you want me to leave you alone so you can unpack." Diana left me alone. I listened until her footsteps were not sounding down the hall. I took a glimpse around at Jessica's things. Her jewelry box was on her dresser. I opened it up. A ballerina twirled around as the music played. I smiled.
"Surprise!" Another familair voice shrieked.
I jumped and grabbed my chest, turning around with the jewelry box in my hand. Taylor stood in front of my eyes. His blue eyes were big and round, beautiful as ever. His hair was a little past shoulder length and it hung down, and he smiled as cheery as always. I smiled and sat the jewelry box down, closing it and running to Taylor, hugging him tightly.
"Now, aren't we a little excited?" Taylor said sarcastically hugging me back. He smiled.
"Excited to see you after six years! Wow! It's been too long," I replied. We let go and looked into each other's eyes. I didn't want to turn away. But I did anyway. I looked around the room, then back at him.
"You look greater than ever. Still skinny and short as always," he teased.
I hit him playfully on the arm. I laughed. "Nah, I look like crap. You look good." I paused. "It's good to see you after six years. How've you been?"
"Good. How've you been?"
"Alright."
It was an uncomfortable silence. I decided to make a conversation. "So, who's this lucky girl that you're marrying?" I asked quietly. I was so jealous. Everytime I mentioned it to anybody, I got quiet. Why did I always do that?
"Beth. Beth Harlington. I want you to meet her, Jill. She's been looking forward to meeting you." He took my hand and I followed him down the hall to the large living room. There sat Diana and a slim-tanned skin-green eyed-and brown haired woman, a little shorter than Taylor was. She was very pretty. She stood up when we walked in the room holding hands. Together, we pulled apart.
"Why, hello! You must be Julie!" She said shaking my hand. "And I'm Beth."
"That's Jill," I replied hatefully. I shook her hand back and placed one of those fake smiles upon my face. She seemed to buy it.
"It's so nice to meet you."
"Likewise."
"Taylor's told me a lot about you. I'm so glad you could make it," Beth said. She looked so bright. It made me feel like I was going to gag. "I bet you two have a lot to talk about. I'll leave you two alone."
*****2*****
Taylor looked as if he didn't have much to say. It was beginning to turn dark and the street lights dimly shined. I went outside on the front porch, following Taylor. I sat on the swing and lit a cigarette and began to swing softly back and forth. I remember when we were sixteen, the year my parents divorced, we made that promise to each other to always be friends and come to each other when we were in need.
"I'm worried about you, Jill," Taylor told me softly.
"Why be worried? I'm okay. It's just my parents aren't getting along," I said, hoping that would give it away. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't want to be different. I always tried to fit in. I tried hard to be like Taylor.
"No reason-I know it's hard when your parents fight. Is there anything you wanna talk about? Remember, Jill, I am your best friend. We can always tell each other things. Even deep dark secrets. We always have."
I just didn't pay attention, but I heard when he said we could tell each other anything. So I softly cried.
"Jill, you don't have to tell me, but I think you'd feel a whole lot better if you did tell me what's bothering you. I'm always here for you," he said, trying the best to comfort me.
"That's just it! I'm never there for you! All you can do is tell me secrets. But there's hardly anything wrong with your life! Why is there always something wrong with mine? Why do I have to be alone?" I yelled, holding my knees to my chest.
"I don't care if you're not there for me. But I know you would be even if there was something wrong. No body's life is perfect Jill. You're not the only one who might have a problem or two..." He paused. He hugged me tightly and I felt so warm and safe. I wiped some tears away with my hand. We let go and smiled. "I say we make a promise. A promise that we will never ever break."
"What promise?" I asked curiously, sniffling.
"When we grow up, we'll still be best friends. And we can come to each other in our times of need, kinda like now." He took my hand. "I promise to you I'll be there for you in your time of need. When you get married, have a baby....or if anything you wanna talk about, I'm here for you."
I smiled. "I promise I'll be there for you, too. When you get married, when your wife has a child...anything. I promise."
"Now tell me. What's wrong?" Taylor asked.
I sighed and sat indian-style. "My dad is moving out. My parents are getting seperated."
"You could've told me that. Why didn't you want me to know?"
"I was scared to. I don't know why."
"You don't have to be scared Jill."
"Jill!" My mind floated back to reality, causing me to jump and stop staring across the street. I looked back over at him. "I've been calling your name for almost five minutes. What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing. Nothing really..." I replied.
"I'm really glad you showed up, Jill," Taylor told me.
I took a drag off my cigarette. "Yeah, well - a promise is a promise. I wanted to be here for you, Taylor." I paused. "And I've wanted to see you each minute I was in France. I kept wanting to call. I wrote, yeah...and it was hard to speak French all the time." I smiled. "But I thought about you until my head would hurt. Even then maybe I thought about ya. But I know I did a lot."
He smiled. "So, when will you come back to America for good?"
"Sometime next year. I still have to study some more over there. And then I'll come home again for good. And start my career. I love it over in France though. It's such a sight to see." I paused. "You and Beth thinking of having a child?"
"Beth just lost a baby not too long ago. And we're still trying," he replied. "You thinking of getting married?"
"I've had so many relationships. And I've run from every single one I've had. I was gonna get married, but I just realized I wasn't happy. I have to be happy. I want to be happy, but I guess it's normal for things to be crappy. I finally realized one day, remembering what you said, "No body's life is perfect." That helped me a lot. And I wanna thank you. For always being there for me. And it feels as if this is the first time that I've been here for you. You always knew just what would make me feel happy and good inside. In you, I guess I found me. You knew how to comfort me, tell me everything's alright. And I'm grateful for that." I looked over at Taylor who still stared at me. "You told me I was somebody. You showed me I was somebody."
Taylor suddenly looked down at his feet, then a quickly turned back up. "Wow...that was something. No body's ever told me that before." He paused. "I'm glad I did all that for you. You didn't have to say thank you."
"But I wanted to," I answered.
*****3*****
I stayed up in my room most of the night. I didn't feel like family anymore. Why? I didn't feel like this was my home. Then why do I feel this way when I know they love me? They're home is my home, like Diana always said. I just felt so awkward. I hated feeling that way. I suddenly heard voices down the hallway. I got up out of bed and wandered down the hall, seeing Jessica. She had shoulder-length golden hair and brownish eyes. She was hugging Avery, who was so glad to see her. Jessica let go and then hugged her mother. I walked into the room where everyone hugged and cheered and laughed. Jessica turned towards me.
"Oh, God!" She yelled. "Jill!"
I hugged her and smiled. "Hey, Jessie!" Everyone smiled around me as I hugged her. Suddenly, everyone turned towards the door when they heard a little girl's voice scream, "NANA!"
"Noelle!" Diana said with her arms out. Noelle ran to them. It was Isaac's family. Ike walked in with his wife. Wow, it felt great to see Isaac again. I always use to flirt with him when I was younger, and Taylor knew I liked him and swore not to tell. I was so ga-ga over him. Taylor kinda always got irritated when I hung around with Isaac. I was irritated when Taylor always use to share his opinion. I didn't think they were really important at all. So I mostly ignored them and grew out of the Isaac phase when I was sixteen or so.
I looked at Isaac. Smiled at him. He smiled back. I walked to him and hugged him. He seemed to verify just who I was when we pulled apart. "Oh, sheesh, Jill - I thought I just hugged a stranger. Whoa, your hair's gotten dark...it's completely black. It always was a brownish color..."
I giggled. "Yeah...only you mainly have said anything about it. Still got the eyes though."
"They've gotten brighter. Bright, deep, and beautiful blue."
I blushed. "Thanks. It's good to see ya."
"Ya meet the fiance that belongs to Tay?"
"Sure did. Called me Julie. If Tay told her so much about me, then why can't she remember my name?"
Ike laughed. "Well, good thing she remembered my name."
"You have a cute little girl," I said, observing his daughter. She looked like a splitting image of her father, with a little of her mother in her. But mostly Isaac's features lived in her's.
"Thanks. Everyone says she looks like me," he told me, reading my mind.
"Whoa, that's what I was thinking. She's got your eyes. Your hair color..."
He smiled. His wife walked right over to him and smiled at me. "Hello, you must be Jill-right?"
"Yeah. Nice to meet you." I shook another hand that night. Surprisingly, she knew my name.
"I'm Hannah. Taylor's mentioned a lot about you."
"So I hear," I replied.
She grinned. "Did she not remember your name?" She pointed over at Beth.
I nodded. "She called me Julie. What'd she call you."
"Helen."
Zac arrived about two hours or so later. Then we had dinner. Zac and I were mostly alike out of the three brothers I hung around. We both liked to be prank-pulling, dare-devilish and risk taking. We dared each other to sky dive and bungee jump. And it was on my thirteenth birthday, with a scared Taylor I sky dived with.
"C'mon, Tay, don't be a scardy-cat," Isaac told Taylor, pushing him towards me. "Just do it, man. It's not gonna kill ya."
"W-what if it breaks?!" Taylor asked nervously.
"It's not gonna break. I let it go. You won't even have to move," I replied.
"Why can't Zac go?!" He whined.
I sighed. "I just wanted to sky dive with my best friend when I turned thirteen..." I put my hands behind my back and began to pout pretendingly. Ike smiled as I winked over at him. I looked at the couple in the air. They just let themselves take off. Taylor watched them and sighed, turning back to me.
"FINE," he groaned. "Only this once."
Right after we sky-dived, he smiled as walked back to his family. "I wanna go again!"
I smiled at the memory as I sat beside Zac on the couch. We watched TV. Zac looked over at me. "Um, hey..."
"Hi. What's on?"
"Weren't you watching it? On TV Land, they're having a Green Acres marathon. Duh, Jill..." He smiled.
"I was just thinking." I paused. "'Member the time you dared me and Tay to sky dive and Tay was afraid?"
Zac laughed. "Yeah, I remember. You should've just seen the look on his face. That look was more funnier than ever. I had never seen him so scared to go on a high ride."
I had such a good childhood. I wish I could start my life over though. Being a child is the greatest memory I've ever had and one I plan on keeping safe with me forever.
*****4*****
"Come on and light," I muttered early the next morning. I got up to smoke an early cigarette. I didn't feel comfortable smoking inside the Hansons home. Taylor walked out and saw me trying to light the cigarette, but the lighter wouldn't work.
"Hey, you're up early," Taylor told me. He smiled. "Won't light?" He asked, noticing the cigarette.
I shook my head.
He went inside for a minute and came back out with a lighter. "I'm sure Beth won't mind if you use her's." He paused. I lit the cigarette and smoothly took a drag off of it. It was silent for a few minutes. Taylor took a seat on the whicker chair that sat on the porch. "I thought me and you could do something...for old time's sake."
"Really? Like what?" I asked curiously.
"Do you know something? I was hoping you'd know."
"Sky-dive?" I smiled.
Taylor laughed. "That was really a freaky moment. It was fun though." He paused. "How about we go to the Four-Leaf Clover Grill?" I was surprised it was still even open. I had went there the first time when I was four years old.
"Still open?" I asked.
"Yeah, Beth and I just went there the other day," Taylor replied.
"Well, I'd like to go. The last time I went was fourteen. We can talk life over on coffee and cappuccinos."
We went later on around twelve or so and skipped lunch at his house. We attended our lunch at the Four-Leaf Clover Grill, a place Taylor and I use to go to when we were little. It use to be the ultimate hang out for teenagers and kids.
It didn't look the same. It didn't have many kids or teens like it use to. I took my seat and Taylor wanted to know what I wanted.
"I'll get it for you. What do you want?"
"Vanilla cappuccino, with extra whip cream," I said, handing him my money. But he pushed it away.
"I'm paying. It's on me, Jill," he told me, walking to the counter.
I took out a cigarette. I almost smoked a pack a day, so that's why I usually got those big cartons. I saw the sign in the window as I took a drag off of it. I sighed, seeing the large orange letters, "NO SMOKING", on the sign. I always use to smoke in there. They had never had a sign.
Taylor came back with our drinks and he got some fries. He saw my cigarette lying on the table, and he glanced up at the sign. "Beth didn't notice it, either. Don't feel bad." He smiled.
I took a drink of my cappuccino. Just the way I liked it.
It felt funny that night at the Four-Leaf. It was right after the football game and we all hung around. Taylor was there. He kissed my friend, my second best friend in the world, Jayla.
Taylor looked over at me. I ran out of the restraunt, feeling tears burn my eyes and blur my sight. I heard Taylor's voice call after me. "Jill, I'm sorry! It's not what you think. She kissed me."
"Don't try to blame anyone. Don't lie to me. You both leaned in at the same time, not defending yourselves at all. So don't say it was all Jayla's fault." I started my way walked again and I went to the dock.
"Jill, I'm sorry I lied to you about Jayla."
"You promised not to lie to me. I've never broke my promises."
Taylor and I tried the dating experience. He said he had been over Jayla. But I couldn't stay mad at him forever. But I was upset. So that night we broke up and decided it was best to stay friends.
I looked over at the table Jayla and Taylor kissed at. The booth was empty. I looked over at Taylor and sat down my cup. "So, how've you been after six years? Last night we didn't talk much about it. So tell me now."
"Well, I met Beth about a year after you left. And that's when I told you about her. And you told me you had met Brian at school...are you two still dating?"
"I left him. I moved in with him for a while, and he kept trying to talk me into doing this I didn't want to do.... So I left right before I found out you were getting married."
"Oh...anyway, Beth and I started to be more beyond friends, and we feel really happy with each other. The baby she lost not too long ago made me feel so terrible. The day I asked her to marry her, she told me she was pregnant. Right after I asked. And when the baby was dead on an ultrasound, I told Beth we just had to keep trying."
"I'm sorry to hear Beth lost the baby." I paused.
"I heard you came home for your mom's funeral."
"It was private, so that's why you guys weren't able to come. It was just for the family. It'll be her anniversary of death soon. She was buried here and I'm planning on going to see her."
"Yeah, my mom told me. I was hoping you'd come see us."
"I had to get back to France to get to school as soon as I could. I didn't really have time."
"So, what exactly is your career like? I mean, what're you going to do?"
"Well," I said, taking a sip of my cappuccino. "I take pictures of things and they're posted in books, sometimes on signs, and in ads. That's basically why I was accepted into France." I paused. "What do you do?"
"I work for a record company."
"What does Beth do?"
"Beth is make up artist for country musicans."
Taylor and I discussed things about ourselves in the past six years and what we planned to do in the future, basically anything that had happened. I felt more comfortable around Taylor after he talked more about himself.
"You seeing anyone now?" That was one of Taylor's questions.
"Yeah, I am. I kind of gave him the number to your house, if that's okay."
"Oh, that's fine. What's his name?"
"Nate. That's what we all call him. Actually, Nathan, but we call him Nate."
"You got a picture of him?"
"Yeah, here." I pulled out the picture from my wallet. It was both of us together in a photo booth, not in color. I described he had short blond hair and had green eyes.
"Where'd you meet him?"
"Well, one summer when I was in France, my roommate Stacey and I went over to his condo and I met him there. He's a nice guy, Tay. You'd like him."
"Well, I'm glad you're happy with him."
"Yeah, he respects my opinions on just about everything and he's great to get along with."
We left later on that day and took a walk in the park. The wind blew against our faces lightly. I lit a cigarette and puffed the smoke out, watching it faintly disappear. We approached a park bench nearby and sat down on it.
"Why'd you not come home on summer break?" Taylor asked me.
I sighed and shrugged. "Never thought about it. I really didn't want to come back. And Stacey and I were really good friends, so I just decided to stay there.
"Did you not want to come home when you found out I was married?" "I didn't want to come back to Tulsa the minute I left. But I'm really glad I did."
"I'm really glad you did too."
"I've been worrying about the bad things so much, I've missed out on all the good actually. And I'm going to have to face problems in life and not shut out the world because they happen. And I've found myself somewhere along the road, even though I don't know it." I felt tears sting my eyes, but I held them back.
*****5*****
When Taylor and I came home that night, Zoe wailed, "I'm having a sleepover, a sleepover! I'm having a sleepover, 'cause my mommy said!" I laughed and she danced around Mackie. "And YOU AREN'T invited." Then she stuck out her tounge.
"Mom, you cannot let her have a sleepover with all those little girls...they'll bug the crap out of me," Mackinzie whined.
"Is there anything I can help you do Diana?" It was late afternoon and I was totally bored. So I decided to talk for a while with Diana. She looked away from the cabinet she peered in.
She smiled. "Oh, I'm trying to find something to cook for dinner. Is there anything you would like?"
"Oh, whatever you have is fine..." I replied.
"You look tired. Why don't you go take a shower?" Diana told me.
"But is there anything I could-"
"Beth is gonna get off work any minute now so she will help me," Diana said, cutting me off.
I smiled and put my hand on Diana's shoulder. "Thanks." I walked down the hall, observing the pictures that hadn't been removed from the walls. My favorite one was where I had my head on Taylor's stomach and we were laying in the grass. We were both about eight or so, maybe even younger. I continued my way to the bathroom and I opened the door, finding it vacant. I let down my long black hair and looked at myself in the mirror. I ran the bathwater and slipped my hand under it. Warm. I decided to get a bath instead of a shower. I then got quickly undressed and put got out a towel, just when I realized I forgot to lock the door, incase someone walked in on me...
I screamed at the top of my lungs. Taylor had walked in on me. I didn't cover my naked body with the towel, I just screamed as loud as I could. "Whoa..." I heard Taylor mumble. I then covered myself.
"Get out, now!!!" I screamed. Taylor shut the door, and put his back against it.
"What happened?" Ike asked out in the hallway.
"I kinda...walked in on her naked."
"You've seen her naked before...so?"
"Ike, it's different now!"
I quickly locked the door and stepped into the bathtub feeling so embarassed. I knew he had seen me like that before. We had taken baths together, ran around in the yard naked, skinny-dipped in pools-but it WAS different now.
~~~
Later on that night, I got into my pajamas after dinner and fell asleep in my bed, waking the next day of the alarm clock beside the bed.
I saw Beth sitting alone at the table. She drank her coffee and looked rather unhappy. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I then asked, "Where's Taylor?"
"Work," was her reply.
"Work? On Saturday?" I asked pouring myself a cup coffee.
"He promised me he would spend time with me today," Beth said sighing. "But it's always work...I think he loves work more than he loves me." She took a drink of her coffee and put down the cup.
"No," I told her. "Taylor doesn't love anything as much as he loves you, Beth. He would call me, fax me, mail me, email me - telling me all about you...And I know he doesn't love work more than you."
"How do you know?"
I laughed. "I've known Tay all my life, Beth. I know him like a book. You're very important to him and he wouldn't have asked you to marry him if you didn't mean anything to him. He wouldn't have asked you to marry him if he loved anything else more than you..." I sighed. I didn't really know what I was saying, but I was telling Beth what I knew.
"Well, tell me about you and Tay when you were younger," she said, smiling. "Since you know him so well."
I again laughed. "I won't finish that in a day, even with no sleep or nothing to eat."
"The basics are fine..."
"Oh, okay..." I began the story, hoping I could get to know Beth better, also.
