Cher: Oh look, Josh is dancing with Tai, he never dances. .
Christian: I can see why. .

Cher: Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the way back to 1972

Cher: Would you look at that body language? Legs crossed towards each other. That is an unequivocal sex invite.

Mel: Do you know what time it is? .
Cher: A watch doesn't really go with this outfit, daddy. .

Amber: Was I the only one listening? I thought it reeked. .
Cher: No I believe that's your designer imposter perfume. .

Josh: You look like Pippi Longstocking. .
Cher: Well you look like Forrest Gump. Who's Pippi Longstocking? .
Josh: Someone Mel Gibson never played. .

Cher: Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.

Josh: We might get Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree. .
Cher: Oh how fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time from his busy pants dropping schedule to plant trees.

Cher: You can't be the absolute and final word on drivers' licenses? .
Driving Instructor: Girlie, as far as you're concerned, I am the messiah of the DMV. .

Cher: Ms. Stoger. That machine is just a lawsuit waiting to happen. .
Miss Stoger: Thanks for the legal advice. .

Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true." .
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that. .
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately. .
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did. .

Cher: Christian said he'd call the next day, but in boy time that meant Thursday.

Cher: Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times.

Cher: seeking a match for her teacher Unfortunately, There was a major babe drought at my school. The evil trolls from the math department were actually married and in the grand tradition of P.E. teachers, Ms. Stoger seemed to be same-sex oriented.

Travis: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy.

Cher: Dee, when your allergies act up, take out your nose ring.

Travis: I joined this program and there's steps. There's... uh... .
Cher: Twelve? .
Travis: Yeah, how'd you know? .
Cher: Wild guess. .

Cher: I want to do something for humanity. .
Josh: How about sterilization? .

Murray: Woman, lend me fi' dollas. .
Dionne: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman". .
Murray: Excuse me, "Ms. Dionne." .
Dionne: Thank you. .
Murray: Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones. .

Mel: What the hell is that? .
Cher: A dress. .
Mel: Says who? .
Cher: Calvin Klein. .

Dionne: Phat! Did you write that? .
Cher: Duh. It's like a famous quote. .
Dionne: From where? .
Cher: Cliff's Notes. .

Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was like totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much

Cher: Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials.

Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie

Josh: You want to practice parking? .
Cher: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet. .

Cher: Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kind of lawyer. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 an hour to fight with people. But he fights with me for free because I'm his daughter.

Tai: I could really use some sort of herbal refreshment. .
Dionne: Oh, well we do lunch in ten minutes. We don't have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff. .
Tai: No shit. You guys got Coke here? .
Dionne: Well, yeah. .
Cher: Yeah, this is America. .

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin? .
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing. .
Dionne: Besides, the PC term is "Hymenally challenged"..

Mel: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-? .
Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion, you proud? .
Mel: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades. .

Amber: Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose. .
Dionne: Well, there goes your social life.

Murray: Your man Christian is a cake boy! .
Cher, Dionne: A what? .
Murray: He's a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde reading, Streissand ticket holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'm saying? .
Cher: Uh-uh, no way, not even! .
Murray: Yes even, he's gay! .
.
Dionne: He does like to shop, Cher. And the boy can dress.

Josh: Hey, in some parts of the universe, maybe not in contempo-casual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going on in the world. .
Cher: Thank you Josh. I SO need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me the part about Kenny G again? .

Josh: Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the right side of the road. .
Cher: I am. You try driving in platforms. .

Mel: Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.

Cher: If it's a concussion, you have to keep her conscious, okay? Ask her questions. .
Elton: What's seven times seven? .
Cher: Stuff she knows. .

Josh: You know maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularity for a good cause, make a contribution. In case you've never heard of that, a contribution is... .
Cher: Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italian outfits to Lucy, and as soon I get my license, I fully intend to brake for animals, and I have contributed many hours to helping two lonely teachers find romance. .
Josh: Which I'll bet serves your interests more than theirs. You know, If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock. .
Cher: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Cher: So okay, I don't want to be a traitor to my generation and all but I don't get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so.

Mel: Don't tell me those brain-dead lowlifes are calling me again. .
Cher: They *are* your parents.

Cher: "Second notice on an outstanding ticket." I don't remember getting a first notice. .
Mel: The *ticket* is the first notice. .

Cher: Lucy, the fire department called again. They said we need to clear out that bush. You said you'd get Jose to do it. .
Lucy: He your gardener, I don't know why you no tell him. .
Cher: Lucy, you know I don't speak Mexican. .
Lucy: I NOT A MEXICAN. storms off.
Cher: Great, what was that all about? .
Josh: Lucy's from El Salvador. .
Cher: So? .
Josh: So, it's an entirely different country. .
Cher: What does that matter? .
Josh: You get mad if anyone thinks you live below Sunset. .

Murray: Woman, why don't you be answerin' any of my pages? .
Dionne: I hate when you call me woman. .
Murray: Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin' behind my back? .
Dionne: Jeepin'? Jeepin'? No. But, speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you can explain how this cheap K-Mart hair extension got into the backseat of your car. .
Murray: I don't know where that came from. That looks like one of your little stringy somethin' or an others you got over here. .
Dionne: I do not wear polyester hair, okay? Unlike some people I know like Shawana. .
Cher: Dee, I'm outty. .
Dionne: Bye. .
Murray: Why do you got to go there? Why do you gotta go there? Is it that time of the month again? .

Mel: Which reminds me, where's your report card? .
Cher: It's not ready yet. .
Mel: What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?" .
Cher: Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.

after taking her drivers test .
Cher: So, how did I do? .
DMV Teste: How'd you do? Well, let's just see shall we? You can't park, you can't change lanes, you can't make right hand turns, you damaged private property and you almost killed someone. Off hand, I'd say you failed. .
Mel: I expect you to walk through this door in twenty minutes. .
Cher: It might take longer than that Dad. .
Mel: Everywhere in L.A takes twenty minutes. .

Dionne: about Murray shaving his head Why do you care what *he* thinks, Murray? I'm the one who has to look at you! What am I gonna do with you now? And right before the yearbook pictures? What am I gonna tell my grandchildren? You know what? That's it... .
Murray: That's it! .
Dionne: You wanna play games? .
Murray: You wanna play games? .
Dionne: I'm calling your mother! .
Murray: Wait! Don't call my mom! Don't call my mom... .
Cher: You are such a brown-noser. .

Josh: Oh, and you are such a superficial space cadet. What makes you think you can get teachers to change your grades? .
Cher: The fact that I've done it every other semester. .

Mel: Josh, are you still growing? You look taller than you did at Easter. .
Josh: I don't think so. .
Mel: Doesn't he look bigger? .
Cher: His head does. .

Tai: Do you think she's pretty? .
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet. .
Tai: What's a monet? .
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy. Christian, what do you think of Amber? .
Christian: Hagsville. .
Cher: See? .

Mel: Where are you? .
Cher: I'm just having a snack at my girlfriend's. .
Mel: Where, in Kuwait? .
Cher: Is that in the valley? .

Mel: I'd like to see you have a little direction. .
Cher: I have direction! .
Josh: Yeah, towards the mall. .

Josh: I was thinking about looking into environmental law. .
Mel: Why? You want to have a frustrating and miserable life? .
Cher: Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.

Josh: while watching news about a war in Bosnia You look confused. .
Cher: Well, I thought they declared peace in the Middle East. .

Josh: Look, I'm just curious. How many hours a day do you spend grooming yourself? .
Cher: Some people are not lucky enough to be as naturally adorable as you are. .
Josh: Stop it, you're making me blush. .
Tai: You think I'm a mentally retarded airhead? .
Cher: I never said that, I just think you two wouldn't mesh. .