Devotion

by Agnes Joseph

"This has got to stop!"

Kataoka Shoji jumped slightly as Johnny smacked a stack of papers down onto his desk.  Being summoned to Kitagawa-san's office was always a harrowing experience, even for someone like Kataoka, who'd been with the corporation for years.  Sitting in the chair facing Johnny's desk, his heart beat wildly. 

"Look at them!" Johnny cried.  "Don't tell me you don't see it!"

Scooting to the edge of his chair, Kataoka leaned a little closer and found that the papers Johnny had thrown onto his desk were in fact photos, photos of the hottest Junior item around: Four Tops.  There didn't appear to be anything out of the ordinary as far as Kataoka could see.  All four members were in various stages of posing, smiling or pouting at the camera, whichever one the photographer needed of them that day.  Oh, wait, there were other photos mixed in with the publicity photos, candid behind-the-scenes pictures, stills of television appearances.

Frowning he looked up at Johnny-san. "I'm not exactly clear on what has got to stop."

"You really don't see it?" Johnny asked, amazed.

Under Johnny's glaring eye he studied each picture with a bit more scrutiny.  "What should I be seeing, sir..." he tried, but was cut off by Johnny stabbing his index finger at one photo in particular.

"Look at them!" 

Obediently, he turned back to the photos.  Well, yes, Ikuta was draped all over a grinning Yamashita, but then again, wasn't he most of the time? 

"And here again!" Johnny added, pointing at another picture, one where Ikuta was smiling sweetly at Yamashita.  He was just about to point out, yet again, that he still didn't understand the problem, when Johnny dropped the bomb on him. "They're in love with each other!"

Uh, what?  Kataoka bent back over the photos, trying to see what his boss did.  OK, perhaps Yamashita did have a bit of a lovestruck expression about him whenever he looked at Ikuta and yes, Ikuta had a special grin meant only for Yamapi, but that didn't mean anything.  It was Johnny's marketing strategy, playing up the homoerotic subtext. 

Yet, the longer he looked at the photos, the harder he studied them, the more he started to see it himself.  There was something so innocently pure and unfabricated about them.

"Is that a problem?" he asked, his tone turning hesitant when he saw the enraged look on Johnny's face.  "Doesn't that sort of thing sell with the fangirls?" 

"If it's fake!" Johnny burst out.  "This is real!  I won't stand for it!"  And then he dropped another bomb.  "I'm splitting them up."

Kataoka blinked.  Split up the Juniors golden boys? 

At his devastated look, Johnny grinned.  "Cheer up, Kataoka!  I'm finally giving you a unit of your own to manage."

Self-interest instantly took over; excitement coursed through him at the prospect.  "New unit?"

Johnny sank back in his chair and smiled broadly, folding his hands on his stomach.  "I'm going to debut a new unit.  Yamashita will lead.  I haven't decided on the rest of the unit yet."

Clearly he didn't mean to include Ikuta, if his intention was to split them up.  Still, despite the dread that settled in his gut, Kataoka was first and foremost a manager.  "K.K.Kity are due for debuting."

Johnny nodded.  "Not a bad idea.  I'll take it into consideration."

"And Ikuta-kun?" Kataoka asked, some part of him still unable to shake the bad feeling he had about this.

"That depends on Ikuta-kun," Johnny said enigmatically. 

Kataoka knew better than to pursue the issue when his boss was in this kind of mood.  Instead his eyes were again drawn to the photos on Johnny's desk.  Now that he knew it was there it was indeed impossible not to see it.

"Do you think they know?"

Johnny gave him a puzzled look, but then snorted when he saw where Kataoka's attention was focussed.  "Yamashita's always been a bit backwards in that field, so I doubt it.  Ikuta?" 

Johnny dug a picture from the bottom of the pile, one that apparently illustrated his point.  Kataoka drew in a startled gasp at how much it did.  The photo was a few years old; Yamashita couldn't have been more than sixteen at the time.  He was smiling at something off camera.  What, who knew.  It wasn't important.  What was important was Ikuta in the background, no doubt unaware that he was caught in the photo as well.  He was gazing at Yamashita with such a forlorn expression on his face you'd have to be blind not to see what was in his heart.

"Ikuta," Johnny continued, as he saw the realisation dawn in Kataoka's face, "has been waiting his time, until Yamashita's on the same page he's on."

Yes, I see, Kataoka thought, nodding in agreement.  There was definitely a part of him excited about the new venture.  Anything headed by Johnny's darling boy Yamashita was bound to be huge.  His fingers were itching to start managing the new unit.  Yet at the same time he couldn't help the cold grip around his heart.  There was no way this could end well.

------

It's just one month.  It's just one month.  That was the mantra that kept going through Toma's head, the one thing that stopped him from breaking down completely.  He couldn't afford to.  Now was not the time.  He had to find Yamashita, make sure that he was all right.  Then and only then could he fall apart himself.

Yamashita had torn out of Johnny-san's office, not even listening to Toma crying his name.  The look on Yamashita's face when Johnny broke the news to them was something that Toma knew he'd never forget.  At least the bastard had the decency to break it to all four of them together, he thought bitterly.  He hadn't made Yamashita go through that horror on his own.

Worry gripping him, Toma hurried through the corridors of the huge building.  Though the others were as upset as he was, he'd sent Jun and Kazama on a wild goose chase, knowing in his heart where Yamashita was hiding out and wanting a moment alone with him.  Maybe it was unfair of him, but Yamashita was always his first concern.  He couldn't give a satisfactory explanation himself why he felt so protective towards Yamashita; it wasn't even like he was the youngest of the four of them.  There was just something so vulnerable about him, something that needed to be sheltered.  Even Jun and Kazama accused him of being softer to Yamapi than he was to them.  Maybe they knew...

No, how he felt about Yamashita wasn't the only thing that drove him to find him now.  Johnny's decision did effect them all, but Yamashita the most.  The three of them would continue as a unit, Johnny had decided.  The bastard had actually chuckled when he'd redubbed them Three Tops.  Yamashita would lead a temporary unit that would only last one month.  If his new unit didn't take off, he'd return to Four Tops and they could go back to the way they were. 

Toma snorted at the thought.  As if anything that was led by Yamapi could be doomed to failure.  He wasn't called Johnny's Golden Boy for nothing.  That bastard knew that Yamashita's new unit would be a record-breaking hit-wonder.  He'd never return to Four Tops.

Toma's pace faltered; a chill ran down his body when that realisation sank in. Yamashita would never return to them.  Yamashita was lost to him.

He found his hand was trembling as he turned the doorknob of the dressing room and peeked inside. 

"Yamashita?"

His heart broke just a little as he pushed the door open completely and saw the scene before him.  Yamashita was sitting on the make-up counter, his back to the wall, his legs pulled up to his body and his face pressed into his knees.  That need to protect flared up at once; in two steps he was at Yamapi's side.

"Oh, Tomo," he whispered, putting a comforting hand on that bent head.  At the contact, Yamashita let out a shuddering breath. 

"This is not how it was supposed to be, Toma," he said quietly, not lifting his face. 

"I know," he whispered back, continuing to stroke Yamashita's hair.  He needed to comfort just as much as Yamapi needed to be comforted. 

"We were going to debut together."  Yamashita's voice broke and it tore something inside Toma's heart.  God, they'd fantasised about it so many times, had made countless plans of how they'd spend that day, how they were going to celebrate.  This, however, they had never imagined.

"It's only for a month," Toma tried carefully.

Yamashita finally looked up, his eyes accusatory.  "You don't believe that," he hissed.

No, he didn't, but he couldn't get the words out.  Couldn't get any words out.  The only thing he could do was swallow down the lump that appeared in his throat at the hurt in Yamashita's eyes.  As if Toma had betrayed him.  Even though he knew that was ridiculous, he couldn't help the pain that shot through him.  The only thing he could do was tell the truth.

"I have to believe that, Tomo."  Something softened in Yamashita's expression, as if he understood that he wasn't the only one hurting right now. 

Trying hard to smile - Toma wanted to hold him so badly - Yamashita nodded.  "OK then," he said, "it's only for one month." 

"That's right," Toma replied, though he knew that they were just fooling themselves.  "And you won't be alone.  Nishikido-kun'll be there."  It physically hurt Toma to say it.  It was his job to look out for Yamapi, not Nishikido's.

"Ryo-chan?"  Yamapi gave him a look that seemed to say: is that supposed to comfort me?  "He can be such a pain in the ass."

"Because he always speaks his mind," Toma pointed out.  And you keep everything bottled up inside, he thought, you will balance each other out.  At that thought something dark and ugly stirred inside Toma, screamed: 'mine! mine!' inside his head, but he smiled at Yamashita.  "And Nishikido's always a lot of fun."

"It won't be the same without you, Toma," Yamashita whispered and that shattered the last of Toma's restraint.  He reached out, grabbed Yamashita's head and pulled it to his chest.  At once Yamashita's arms closed around him, pulled him closer.

"Listen, Tomo," he spoke fiercely into Yamashita's hair, "this doesn't mean that you'll get rid of me.  We're still best friends above everything else.  We'll still hang out together.  I'll always be there for you, whenever you need me."  I'll always love you, he added in his mind.

His head buried in Toma's neck, Yamapi nodded and clung a little tighter to Toma, while Toma held onto him with all his might.

------

Stubbornly refusing to take out his earplugs, Yamapi crossed his arms and just sat there, not looking anyone in the eye.  He had to do what Johnny told him; it was in his contract.  It didn't say he had to like it, though.  It didn't say that he had to play nice.

From the corner of his eye he could see that Koyama, Kato and Kusano were staying close together, no doubt finding comfort in familiarity.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have the KKK part of KKKity in the band, Yamapi thought.  Four Tops had performed with them on quite a few occasions.  Koyama was a sweetheart, Kusano was always good for a laugh and Kato...  Well, Yamapi was sure there was something about Kato he'd come to appreciate in time, even if it weren't his singing or dancing skills. 

The others though, he wasn't so sure about them.  Then again, how could he be when he barely knew them?  Tegoshi in particular gave him quite a shock.  The kid looked like he was twelve and still had his milk teeth.  To add insult to injury, he'd only joined Johnny's ten months ago.  It made Yamapi's blood boil to think that this little brat might debut before Toma did.  Even hearing Tegoshi's clear, piercing voice didn't sway him.  Well, maybe just a little.

He was trying to ignore everything going on around him, but it wasn't proving easy with eight other band members, managers, choreographers, designers and whatnot bustling about the place.  No, he wouldn't be sucked in.  He didn't care.  He wasn't interested.  Nope, not even a tiny bit.  He was just going to sit there and sulk.

Lost in his thoughts and building up to quite an epic mope he gave a jolt of surprise when someone yanked one of his earplugs out with a sharp tug.

"Oi, Yamashita!  I'm talking to you!"

Yamapi glared.  "Go away, Nishikido!"

Instead of being intimidated, Nishikido grinned.  "That might work on the new kids, but not me, Yamapi.  I've known you too long."

"That goes both ways," he shot back.  "So I'll tell you only once, Ryo-chan."  He put special emphasis on that last word, just to make a point.  "I know that diminutive size of yours has given you a lifetime complex that needs you to run your mouth constantly, but we'll get along much better if you wouldn't get in my face, all right?"  The moment it was out of his mouth, he regretted it.  It wasn't fair to take it out on Ryo, who was only trying to help.  Even Yamapi realised that.

Nishikido narrowed his eyes, opened his mouth to say something, but Yamapi was saved from that renowned poison tongue by his cell phone ringing.  An instant grin appeared when he flipped his cell open and saw who it was.

"Hey," he said into the phone. 

"Thought you might want to hear a friendly voice," Toma replied.

"God, you have no idea."  Yamapi tried to concentrate on Toma's voice, ignore the odd look Nishikido was giving him, no doubt in response to the joy Yamapi couldn't keep from his face, no matter how he tried. 

"Things not going well?"

Yamapi sighed.  "I don't have anything in common with these people!"

Nishikido raised an eyebrow.  Yamapi mouthed "Go away!" at him.

"Not even Ryo-chan?" Toma asked, as if he could read Yamapi's mind.

Yamapi sighed again.  This sigh was apparently different from the previous one.  How it was different, he didn't know.  Only Toma, apparently, knew, because this time he reacted with a chuckle.   

"What did you do?" he asked, his voice laced with a teasing undertone.  Again Yamapi marvelled at how amazingly Toma could read him. 

"I took my frustration out on him," Yamapi said, his eyes locked with Nishikido's.

Ryo grinned widely. 

"And your head's still attached?" Toma sounded stunned.

"Your phone call stayed the execution."

Ryo nodded.  Yamapi mouthed: "Bugger off!".

"Did you apologise?" Toma asked.

That was what it would take to get rid of him, wasn't it?  "I apologise," he said to Ryo. "Will you fuck off now?"

"Apology accepted," Ryo said, and with a big grin, he turned.  A moment later he was draped across another member's back.  What was that guy's name again?  He was from Osaka, like Ryo, that's all Yamapi knew.

"Don't you have any survival instincts?" Toma asked on a laugh. "Pissing off Nishikido?  What are you going to do without me there to look after you?"  His voice turned suddenly sad at the end; something heavy pressed on Yamapi's chest.  "No," Toma quickly added, "that's not what I meant to say.  I meant to say: you're going to do brilliantly and you don't need me at all."

"But I do," Yamapi whispered.

Toma coughed; his voice sounded thick when he said: "You want to go see a movie tonight?"

"Yes!" he said, without a second's hesitation.  He wasn't sure when he'd get out of this madhouse, but he didn't care.  If he had something to look forward to, something to hold onto, he might actually get through this day.

Toma laughed at his eagerness, but Yamapi could still hear an undercurrent of sadness in his voice.  Hey, he thought, I can read Toma too!

After they made arrangements to meet at the movie theatre, he closed his cell phone with a smile. 

"Aren't you glad I pulled out your earplug?" a voice said into his ear.  Yamapi jumped at the sudden closeness of Nishikido.  "Or you might have missed your boyfriend's phone call," he added, grinning like a maniac.

He was just about to tell Ryo that his jokes weren't funny, when one of the suits detached himself from the rest and walked towards them.

"Excuse me, Yamashita-kun," he said with a broad smile, "I don't think I've had a chance to introduce myself yet.  I'm Kataoka Shoji.  I will be NEWS' manager."

Yamapi looked him over for a moment.  The man didn't look unfamiliar.  Somewhere in his thirties, he looked unremarkable and pretty much like every other suit around the Johnny's building.  If Yamapi had ever seen him, he couldn't recall.

"Nice to meet you," he said, forcing himself to be polite.  What he really wanted to say was that he hoped that NEWS wouldn't last long so he could get back to Toma and Four Tops.

------

He'd made a promise to Yamapi that nothing would change between them and he was going to keep that promise no matter what.  If they couldn't see each other during the day anymore, they could still make up for lost time in the evenings.  On reflection though, going to see a movie might not have been the best idea.  You couldn't talk during a movie. 

So Toma sat there in the darkness, barely concentrating on the movie and casting occasional looks at Yamapi to make sure that he was enjoying himself.  He seemed to be laughing in all the right places, so maybe this would work out after all.

It was afterwards, while they were enjoying a cheeseburger at McDonald's that Toma couldn't hold back his concern any longer.

"Ryo tells me that you don't talk to any of the other guys," he said, keeping his voice as light and conversational as possible.

Not that it mattered, apparently.  On the other side of the table, Yamashita's eyes shot pure fire at him, as he hastily swallowed down the bite he'd just taken from his burger.  "When did you talk to Nishikido?" he snapped.  "Are you checking up on me now?"

"Tomo," Toma sighed, "it's not because I'm checking up on you."  It's because I love you.  "It's because I'm worried about you."

"He just sits there and sulks," Ryo had told him over the phone.  "Puts his headphones in and doesn't talk to anyone.  He's being a fucking pain in the ass, Toma."  Even though he was used to Ryo's frankness, his bleak description of the situation within NEWS had shocked Toma.  "They're going to hate him before they even get to know him."

The words scared Toma, because he knew how easily that could happen.  Yamashita didn't let people in easily, but once they were in, they were in for life.  As Toma could attest.  And as Ryo too knew.  And even though this whole situation sucked for the both of them, Yamapi had to make an effort.  He couldn't lead a band that didn't trust him.

"I'm sorry," Yamashita said, his voice soft as he looked down at the table.  "First I snap at Ryo, now you."

"Don't worry about it."  Toma smiled and decided not to tell him that he wasn't much better.  He'd spent the better part of the day losing his temper himself, directing his anger and frustration at Jun or Shunsuke.  Fortunately, they understood.  Just gave him a sad smile or patted his shoulder encouragingly.  Even when he'd yelled: "Three Tops?  What a fucking joke!"

"Ryo says you don't even make an effort to get to know the other guys," Toma continued.  "He's the only one you talk to."

Yamashita pursed his lips in that petulant pout that drove Toma crazy.  "We've got nothing to talk about," he whined.  "Do you know that Tegoshi-kid only joined Johnny's ten months ago? Ten months, Toma!  What the fuck is that about?  We've been here for seven years!"  A pause, as a contrite look crossed Yamashita's face.  "Though, granted, the kid has a voice like an angel."

Toma raised his eyebrow sardonically.  It had the desired effect.  Though he rolled his eyes, Yamashita was smiling.

"Yeah, yeah," Yamashita grumbled good-naturedly, "next to my nasal whining, even you sound good."

It was meant to be a joke, and an old one at that, but suddenly there was such naked insecurity in Yamashita's eyes that it tore at Toma's heart. 

"I know this sucks," he said, "but you have to at least try.  And it's only for a month."  Though they both knew the words were hollow and didn't mean anything, they had become their security blanket, the one thing they still clung to.  "Four Tops will be waiting for you."

A sad smile on his lips, Yamashita nodded.  "It's only for a month," he repeated tonelessly.  He knew it was a lie just as well as Toma did.  "So what have you been up to?"  he asked.

So that was how things were going to be from now on, Toma thought, his heart growing heavy: inquiring after each other's day. 

"Rehearsing a new song with..."  He'd almost said Four Tops, but he swallowed it down quickly, along with the pain.  "...with Jun and Kazapon."  In fact, it was the song they'd be performing during the last Shounen Club with Yamashita.  Toma hadn't had the heart yet to tell him.

Probably a good idea, if the hurt look that appeared on Yamashita's face now was anything to go by.  "Without me?" 

"Oh, Tomo."  Toma sighed.  It wasn't even like the three of them had never performed a song without him.  Not only did they perform with just the three of them all the time, but Yamapi was just as often given solo performances. 

Seemingly as if he didn't care, Yamashita shrugged.  "Good riddance, huh?  Without me around you'll finally be the star."

Toma knew very well that he didn't mean it, that it was just the pain talking, but it still cut him deeply.  He took a deep breath and hoped that he sounded calm.  "Don't do this."

"Do what?"  Yamashita threw him a challenging look.  "Now you won't have to listen to fans call out my name during performances."

Don't lose your temper, he told himself, balling his fists underneath the table.  If Yamashita was like this with NEWS, no wonder Nishikido was worried.  Unlike NEWS though, Toma knew how Yamashita's mind worked.

"You're right," he agreed, nodding solemnly, "I've faked my friendship with you for years just to be popular and now it's payoff time."  Yamashita's eyes widened with horror, but Toma continued relentlessly.  "Just like you can't wait to leave me behind and debut with your own band, have your own CDs and PVs and concerts..."

"Toma..."  Yamashita's voice shook, the distress evident in his eyes.

"Why don't we stop pretending we're friends and forget about these silly get-togethers as well?"  His eyes still wide, Yamashita shook his head helplessly.  Toma allowed some of the softness to return in his expression, but still gave Yamashita a stern look.  "Done now?"

Instant understanding flew across Yamashita's face, followed by such heartbreaking relief.  Looking guilty, Yamapi nodded.  "Done now," he said in a soft voice.

"Idiot," Toma muttered affectionately.

With a sheepish smile, Yamashita reached across the table and squeezed Toma's hand, briefly but tightly.  "You're the idiot."

And just like that, Toma knew that it would be OK.

------

It became a standing... well, date, for lack of a better word.  Whenever they could find the time they would meet up for a movie or for karaoke.  Though it wasn't the same, would never be the same again, it was something that Yamapi needed, looked forward to all day, more than ever now that the real rehearsals with NEWS had started.

The song that they were learning was actually not too bad and the more Yamapi heard Tegoshi and Uchi's voices, the more he couldn't help admiring them, if begrudgingly.  Then there was Koyama-kun, who wasn't the best singer in the group, but who made it so damned difficult being bitchy to by the simple virtue of being so sweet.  The other guys would probably turn out to be pretty OK too, if Yamapi would only give them a chance.  He just didn't want to give any of them a chance, not even good-intentioned Koyama. 

Not that any of the other NEWS members were making an effort to approach him.  They seemed as happy to remain in their corner and out of Yamapi's way as Yamapi was ignoring them.  Unsurprisingly, there was only one guy not happy with this arrangement.

Nishikido seemed intent to get Yamapi to take up his role as leader, even against Yamapi's will.  Ryo-chan was the only one who bothered to talk to him, who wasn't intimidated or scared away by Yamapi's sullen expressions or curt one-word responses.  No matter how much of a "stay away from me" vibe Yamapi gave off, Ryo always ignored it and chatted away with him, refusing to give up.

"Doesn't Tegoshi-kun have a fantastic voice?" he'd say, while the sixteen-year-old prodigy warmed up his voice.  Or "Isn't Kusano-kun hilarious?"  Drawing these people into Yamapi's life whether he wanted them there or not.  Of course he could tell Ryo to stop, but that would be like asking the tide not to come in: pointless.  Yamapi understood all too well that Ryo was only trying to help make the transition easier for him, but that was exactly the problem.  Yamapi didn't want it to be easy.  Leaving Toma behind was supposed to be difficult, was supposed to hurt.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"  Toma sighed.  They stood side by side on a hill, watching the lights of Tokyo below them.   Turning to Yamapi, he grinned.  "Where were you?  You were a million kilometres away."

Yamapi smiled.  "I'm back, though."

Something warm settled in Toma's eyes.  "Whatever planet you disappear to, you always do come back."  Toma threw his arm around Yamapi and pressed him close.  It took quite some willpower, but Yamapi succeeded in not putting his head on Toma's shoulder.

They stood there for a moment longer, until something caught Yamapi's attention.  "Isn't this supposed to be a make-out place?"

Could it be?  Was Toma blushing?  "Technically, I suppose."  He grinned sheepishly.   "Jun-kun told me about this place.  Told me it was spectacular.  I should have known that he wasn't talking about the view."

Surprisingly, Yamapi found that he didn't care if it was.  He just wanted to stand here, soak in Toma's warmth, savour his presence, not have to think about NEWS or Nishikido or any of the other members.  Just him and Toma, as it had always been.

Yet, as hard as he tried, the outside worries still found a way inside.  What if Johnny made NEWS permanent?  What if he lost this closeness with Toma?

"Hey," Toma said, giving him a startled look, "are you cold?"

Yes, he was, but the shiver running through him wasn't from physical coldness.  Finally giving into the temptation, he leaned a little closer into Toma's warmth, revelled in the glow of affection that swept through him when Toma wrapped his thick jacket around the both of them.

"You know, this is really romantic."  Realising how that sounded, Yamapi turned quickly to Toma, found him looking back at him with a cheekily questioning twinkle in his eyes.  "No, no, I meant that you really should bring a girlfriend here next time.  This view is kind of wasted on just friends."

Toma smiled sweetly.  "But we're not just friends, are we?"

For some reason that he didn't want to go any deeper into, Yamapi found himself smiling goofily.

"Come on," Toma said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along.  "Let's go annoy the couples here to make out."

As always, Yamapi got dragged along by Toma's enthusiasm, protesting all the way, but loving it with all his heart.

------

"I'm thinking about going to university," Yamashita said one evening at karaoke, while Toma was trying to decide which song to sing next.  He instantly stopped leafing through the songs and looked at Yamapi in amazement.

"But you hate studying!"  Toma had often joked that the only reason Yamashita was friends with him was because he was a year ahead in school and he could steal his school assignments. 

Yamashita smiled sheepishly.  "Yeah, I know, but I've been talking with Koyama."

A sharp pain shot through Toma; he tried very hard not to let it show.  It had started already.  Yamapi was drifting away from him.  "And what did Koyama say?"  He hoped none of the envy he felt could be detected in his voice.

"He says it's not such a big deal.  That it's actually quite easy."  Yamashita suddenly chuckled.  "It would have to be.  Koyama isn't exactly the smartest cookie in the cookie jar."

Toma laughed too, though it sounded fake to his own ears.  "So is it just the idea of university that appeals or do you actually have a career in mind?"  He wasn't sure what he'd said, but a blankness fell across Yamapi's face that Toma instantly recognised and made him silently curse up a storm.  "Yamashita?" 

His face completely devoid of emotion, Yamashita shrugged.  Damn it!  He was doing it again!  He was shutting himself off again.  Toma hated it when he did that, hated it with a passion.  He had to try, had to break through that wall, even though he knew it was already too late.

"Well?"

"I guess."

Toma sighed.  "You guess what?  Do you know what you're going to study at university?"

"Business," he mumbled under his breath.

"OK."  At least he was getting an answer.  That was reassuring.  He hadn't completely gone off into Yamashitaland yet.  "Business.  Are you going to trade the tedium of being an idol for the glamour of the salaryman life?"  He hoped a joke would get a smile, but again Yamapi shrugged.  God, if only Toma could figure out what had set him off this time, then maybe he could do something to reverse the effect, but this time he honestly thought he'd asked an innocent enough question.

Maybe it was a lingering resentment over being replaced by Koyama as his confidant, but a sudden irrational annoyance swept through Toma.  "Fine," he said, standing up from the bench and continuing as he walked to the door of the karaoke box, not even bothering to turn around, "if you didn't want to talk about it, you shouldn't have brought it up in the first place.  I'm going to get something to drink.  You want something?"

He froze, his hand already on the door handle, when arms wrapped around him from behind.  His heart beat a mile a minute as he gazed down in utter shock at the hands pressed to his stomach, felt the heat of the body pressed up against his back.  He didn't dare to turn his head to see what was going on, but he could feel that Yamapi had pressed his face against the back of Toma's neck from the gusts of breath that blew against his skin. 

They stood like that for quite some time, neither of them speaking, Toma frozen and too confused about what was going on, and Yamashita just holding him without saying a word.

"Tomo?" Toma finally asked cautiously.

"It's not that I don't want to tell you," Yamashita instantly replied, making some of the tightness in Toma's heart disappear.  "I can't tell you.  Not yet." 

What?  Of all the answers that was the one he least expected.  "You can't tell me why you want to go to university to study business?"  He couldn't keep the confusion out of his voice.

Yamashita didn't reply, but Toma could feel him shaking his head where it was resting against the back of Toma's.  "You'll think I'm being stupid."

Toma grinned.  "You're an idiot."  He marvelled at the softness in his own voice.  "But you're not stupid.  Don't tell me if you don't want to.  I'll support your decision, like you know I will."

There was a deep sigh of contentment and then Yamapi said something that cut Toma straight through his heart.  "You'll always be there for me, won't you, Toma?"

Toma closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened them slowly.  He took the hands off his stomach and pressed them tightly in both his own.  "Always," he vowed solemnly. 

Yamashita remained pressed up against him for another moment, but then he pulled his hands out of Toma's and took a step back.  Toma instantly felt bereft, felt cold.  "I'll have a coke," Yamashita said.

Right.  Drinks.  That was what he was about to do.  Toma swallowed hard.  "Coke, it is."

He opened the door and walked through.  He didn't look back, knew that the awkwardness, the self-consciousness about what had just happened would overwhelm them both if they had to look each other in the eye.  It was when the door had closed behind him that Toma allowed it to sink in.  Falling against the door, he lifted his shaking hand and stared at it.

------

Trying to suppress a yawn and barely succeeding, Yamapi focussed again on the teacher droning on in front of the class after checking his watch for the tenth time in the last five minutes.  He was really starting to believe that time was going backwards.  Maybe Toma was right after all and he wasn't cut out for university if he could barely keep awake in high school.

Ah, finally!  At the sound of the bell, he threw his pen and books into his bag and almost bolted out of the classroom.  He was meeting Toma tonight.  Why that made him so edgy and impatient, he really couldn't tell.  It was probably because he hadn't seen Toma in three days, had spent the last two days in a studio with the other eight NEWS members recording their one and only song.  Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

Something had shifted that day in the karaoke box; they both knew it when Toma returned with their drinks and they had sat beside each other, feeling weird and uncomfortable.  By the end of the evening, and after singing a few songs together, things had returned more or less back to normal, but even so, Yamapi knew that things were changing between them.  He doubted they were changing for the better.

That was why he was so impatient to see Toma, he thought, sitting in the train, willing it to go faster.  He had to know that things between them would never change, that they would always be as close as they were now.

When he got home he ran straight upstairs to change out of his school uniform and was on his way out of the door again barely ten minutes later. 

"Don't you want something to eat?" his mum asked.

"I'll grab something with Toma," he said on his way out.  "I'm off!"

"Take care."

He still barely made it on time; Toma was waiting outside the movie theatre.  As Yamapi came running closer, he briefly thought Toma looked as restless as Yamapi was feeling, but then Toma turned, saw Yamapi and smiled.  That was enough to quieten down the worries.  It's all right, he thought with a sigh of relief, we will always be Toma and Yamapi.

"Hey," Toma said.

"Hey."  Damn, why was he suddenly feeling shy around Toma?  What was going on?  "Shall we go in?" 

Once they were inside the theatre, sitting side by side, he calmed down a little again.  OK, this was good.  They could just watch the movie.  They wouldn't have to talk to each other.  That thought made a sharp pain shoot through Yamapi.  Since when had it become a good thing that he wouldn't have to talk to Toma?

OK, the movie had started.  Right.  Concentrate on the movie, he told himself.  You haven't been around each other in a few days, maybe the longest you've not seen each other.  It'll stop being uncomfortable after a while.  You'll grab a burger after this and you'll tell him everything about school and NEWS, and he'll tell you what he's been up to with Shounen Club and Kazama and Hasejun, and everything will be OK.

With that thought firmly in his head, Yamapi concentrated on the movie again.  And found that he couldn't.  It was no use telling himself that everything would be OK, when he was still so hyperaware of Toma sitting next to him.  His palms were sweating.  What the hell was that about? 

Giving up on the movie, he turned his head to look at Toma.  Nothing had changed about Toma.  He was still the same Toma who had performed by his side, had even slept at his side on more than a few occasions.  The one who could get annoyed about something stupid like an undone button, who always expected Yamapi to give no less than the best of himself, and yet, always was there when Yamapi needed someone to lean on.

Toma suddenly turned sharply, gave him a "what?" look.

Caught, Yamapi shook his head and turned back to the movie.  Maybe that would have been the end of it, if at that moment he hadn't heard it, loud smacking noises that could mean only one thing.  There was a couple sitting behind them making out.  He tried to ignore it, but it was kind of difficult not to hear it, when they were so obnoxiously loud.

Again, his gaze returned to Toma.  If he was hearing them too, he wasn't showing it.  And then...

Yamapi gasped.  Maybe it was the couple behind them with their obnoxious make-out noises, but just looking at Toma suddenly made something flutter in his stomach.  Maybe it was the association his mind now made with making out and Toma that made his breath suddenly catch. 

Toma?  Seriously?  Why? 

He looked at that face almost every day, a face that was even more ridiculous in profile, like he was now, with that nose that made no sense at all.  Toma?

Toma pulled a face; fearing he'd been caught again, Yamapi quickly turned his attention back to the movie.  His heart raced out of control when he felt Toma lean towards him.

"Those two behind us are starting to get on my nerves.  You want to change seats?" he whispered into Yamapi's ear. 

Yamapi froze.  The hot breath against his ear?  Wow!  That had hit a little lower than his stomach.  Unable to get a word out, he swallowed hard and nodded.  Without waiting for Yamapi, Toma stood up, moved down the row and sat down again a safe distance away from make-out couple.  Grateful for the darkness, Yamapi sat there for a moment longer, unable to believe his own reaction.  He was getting hard because Toma whispered in his ear?  What the hell?

No, no, he told himself firmly.  It was that stupid couple behind them and the obscene noises they were making.  That was it.  Of course it was.  He was a teenager; he couldn't stop his body from reacting to stuff like that. 

With that thought fixed in his head, he quickly followed Toma down the row and sat down beside him again.

------

The rehearsal was going abysmally bad.  So bad in fact that Toma was hardly surprised when Kazama pulled him aside and gave him a worried look.

"What's going, Toma?  It's not like you to be..."  He didn't continue, but Toma could guess what he wanted to say.  Be so all over the place?  Be such crap?  They'd been rehearsing this routine for the last two days.  He'd performed it flawlessly all day yesterday.  And yet, today he fell over his own feet, forgot the lyrics.  No wonder everyone was growing impatient.

On any other day, Toma would have talked himself out of it with a cheeky smile, but he just couldn't muster up the energy for it.  "I'm sorry," he said, lowering his head, "I'll try harder."

"Look, Toma."  Kazama's voice had softened; it made Toma look up to find a sympathetic look on his face.  "It's hard for all of us.  This is our last show with Yamapi too, you know."

Yeah, of course he knew.  It just wasn't the same for Kazama and Hasejun.  He would never tell them though, could never explain why, but deep down he really believed that it wasn't the same.

And then there was that other thing, that strange vibe that had started to appear between him and Yamashita.  He couldn't put a name to it, but it had been there the last few times they'd been together.  It was that too, the worry that Yamashita and he were growing away from each other, that was turning his feet into uncooperative tools.

"We better have the routine ready when he gets here," Kazama pointed out, "which is in a half an hour, in case you forgot."

His heartbeat picked up at the thought.  Yamashita would be here soon.  He'd been rehearsing the routine on his own, during every spare moment he got between schoolwork and NEWS rehearsals.  He was scheduled to arrive at the NHK hall a few hours before the actual show started so they'd get a chance to go through it with all four of them.  It was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat.

The worry on Kazama's face deepened.  "Toma, what the hell?  You look like you're going to hurl.  Did something happen between you and Yamapi?"

Did something happen?  That was a good question.  He would say: not really.  But then there was that strange thing at karaoke, where Yamashita had clung to him like his life depended on it.  It had been troubling, but nice too.  And then there was two nights ago, when they'd gone to the movies together.  Toma would have sworn that everything was back to normal between the two of them, but when they came out of the movie theatre, Yamapi had been unresponsive and moody.  It hadn't even been the usual Yamashita moodiness.  No matter how much Toma hated that, he knew what to expect from Yamapi when he got into one of those moods.  This was different.  This was a first.  It had rattled him profoundly.

He waved his hand back and forth, hoped he looked convincing.  "No, of course not.  Nothing will ever change between me and Yamashita."  And who was he trying to convince now, he wondered.

They returned back to their rehearsal and this time he did get through the routine in one piece, even if it wasn't his most elegant performance.  He even managed to forget about Yamashita for a while.  That was, until Toma felt a tingling along his spine that made him look behind him, and there he stood in the wings, a strange look on his face as he watched the three of them.

Their eyes met, held; Toma felt like he could read a thousand things in Yamashita's eyes and yet, at the same time, felt totally lost as to what it meant.  Something had definitely changed between them.  He just wished he knew what, wished he could undo it.

"Yamashita-kun, there you are," the director shouted.  It cut through their moment effectively. 

Toma stayed back as Kazama and Hasejun broke out in loud greetings and Yamashita, smiling, walked towards them.  Toma saw it though, saw that the smile wasn't reaching Yamashita's eyes.

Finally, Yamashita turned to him.  "Hey," he said softly.

Out of nowhere, Toma was suddenly overcome with the strongest urge to wrap his arms around Yamapi, hold him tightly, just do anything to chase that look from Yamapi's face.  All he did though was smile in return.  "Hey."  He wondered if his smile looked as fake as Yamashita's did.

But then the director stepped in, told Yamashita what he wanted from him and before Toma knew it, they were dancing and singing and laughing - and yes, even arguing over the dance steps - together, just like they'd always done, and he was left wondering if it had all been in his imagination.

------

It was a surreal experience, everyone trying to be normal, every one trying to be excited, look happy for him, when in fact they all wanted to cry.  Miraculously they got through the show in one piece.  Mostly because Toma didn't look at him and he didn't look at Toma, as if by unspoken agreement they knew that they would lose it if their eyes met.

The atmosphere in the dressing room afterwards was subdued.  It wasn't that Yamapi didn't appreciate Kazama and Hasejun's assurances that they would keep in touch, but his whole being was tuned into the figure keeping to the background, watching, smiling as Shunsuke and Jun said their farewells.  It was so unlike Toma to stay in the background.  Toma was the loud, boisterous one of the four of them, the one who dragged shy Yamapi out of his shell, kicking and screaming most of the time.  The thought of leading any unit without Toma there by his side filled him with dread. 

He understood though, knew that Toma just wanted to give Kazama and Hasejun their moment with him.  And he did love them both, would miss them terribly, but Toma...  God, every time he thought about tomorrow he wanted to scream, wanted to hide in his bed, pull the covers over his head and pretend it wasn't real.  Toma was the one who gave him strength.  How did they expect him to lead a nine-man unit without him?

Despite the doubts raging through him, Yamapi did what he always did: put his mask on and smiled at every one.  By the time Kazama and Hasejun, as the last ones, left the room, casting a sympathetic look towards Toma, his face hurt from trying to maintain a brave smile.

Now that they were alone, he took a deep breath and turned to Toma.  Sure enough, the moment their eyes met, all his strength left him in a rush.  The tears were instantly in his eyes.

"Tomo," Toma said, rushing towards him, instantly gathering Yamapi into his arms. 

Wrapping his own arms around Toma, he clung gratefully to his strength.  "I can't do this without you," he sobbed into Toma's shoulder.

"Of course you can," Toma said resolutely, but he was crying too. 

"I can't," he insisted.  "I'm not strong like you."

"Don't say stupid stuff!"  Toma was starting to sound angry.  "Remember that huge rollercoaster?  You were scared to death, but you still rode it."

"Screaming my head off," he pointed out, "and yelling for my mummy."

"But you still did it!  I curled up in a cowardly ball at the entrance."  Yamapi shook his head where it rested against Toma's shoulder.  "You're so much stronger than you think you are, Tomo-chan."

Yamapi felt a kiss in his hair and oh, that felt good.  He melted a little deeper into Toma's embrace, closed his arms a little tighter around him, sighing when a kiss was pressed against his temple.  Without even thinking about it, he turned his head, providing better access for the soft lips that were now sliding down his cheek. 

The progression seemed only natural; Yamapi's eyes closed of their own accord as a mouth covered his, pressing a soft kiss on his lips.  It was gentle, chaste, tasted salty with tears and didn't seem to want anything more.   It was Yamapi himself who opened his mouth, made the kiss deeper.  Even as his tears kept flowing, flavouring their kiss, something deep inside woke up and made his heart sing.

------

Kataoka froze in the doorway.  Slowly, careful not to be noticed by the two young people wrapped in each other's arms, he backed out of the door again.  Looked like Johnny-san pulled them apart not a moment too soon.  Yet, he couldn't help feeling sorry for them both.  They'd done nothing wrong, other than fall in love.

------

Oh, god, what was he doing?  He was kissing Yamashita!  The realisation suddenly sinking in, Toma pulled back abruptly.  Yamapi had his eyes closed, the tears still clinging to his eyelashes.  Damn, it was just not fair to be that beautiful. 

His eyes still closed, Yamapi did that thing he sometimes did, where his tongue peeked out before he bit down on his lower lip.  If Toma hadn't been too preoccupied wondering how Yamapi would react to his kiss, he would be turned on like whoa.

It felt like an eternity later when Yamashita's eyes finally fluttered open; Toma released the breath he'd been holding.  There was a stunned, bewildered look in his eyes.  If possible, he looked more beautiful than ever.

"Toma?" he asked, his voice quiet and unsure.  Two fingers touched his lips in a dazed gesture.

What could he say?  Toma searched around frantically for an explanation.  In the end he could only come up with one, the truth.  I'm in love with you.  Don't know when it started.  Don't know what to do about it.  None of that made it out of his mouth though.

"I shouldn't have done that," he said instead, watching in consternation how the puzzled look on Yamashita's face turned even more perturbed. 

"But I..." Yamashita started and yes, Toma had noticed, thank you, that it was Yamashita initiating the kiss.  But he was the oldest of the two, he was the one who started it.  He was the one who should take responsibility.

Yamashita didn't get the rest of the words out, both of them startled by the sudden buzzing of a cell phone.  It wasn't one of Toma's ringtones, so it had to be Yamapi's phone, but he was still gazing at Toma, that shell-shocked expression on his face, ignoring his phone entirely. 

"Your phone," Toma pointed out helpfully.

Yamashita frowned, but eventually tore his gaze away from Toma to fish his cell phone out of his pocket.  The moment those eyes were turned away from him, Toma felt like he could breathe again.

"It's Kataoka," Yamashita announced, reading the text scrolling across his screen. 

Who?

"My new manager," he added, as if he could read Toma's mind.  Sometimes, Toma had the eerie feeling that he could.  "Johnny wants to see me right away."

"Guess you'd better go then," Toma said, seizing the opportunity.  Coward, a voice yelled in his head.

Yamashita turned back to Toma, frowning; Toma could feel his resolve wavering, just like it always did when faced with those puppy eyes. 

"But...," he started, but Toma didn't let him finish.

"Nobody keeps Johnny-san waiting."

Yamashita threw him another uncertain look, but when he didn't see anything else on Toma's face - Toma was an excellent actor after all - he slowly gathered his stuff together.  With one last pleading look, one that Toma answered with a bright, but oh so fake smile, he left the dressing room.

The moment he was out the door, Toma hung his head, feeling utterly disgusted with himself.  Once again, he'd curled up in a ball in front of the terrifying rollercoaster.

------

He hardly slept that night.  As if the official introduction of NEWS wasn't enough to keep him awake, there was the whole thing with Toma that he just couldn't figure out.

What had happened in that dressing room?  They had kissed.  That was the only thing that was clear.  Everything else was a blur in Yamapi's head.  Were they in love now?  Dating?

At least twenty times he'd stood with his cell phone in his hand, Toma's number already punched in, but he'd chickened out of pushing the dial button each time.  In the end he'd given up, called himself a girl and gone to bed, hoping that the bright light of morning would bring an answer.  It hadn't.

None of the other NEWS members even looked up when he once again moped into the green room.  The only one who didn't cut him any slack was Nishikido.  "Nervous, Pi?" he asked, grinning that broad smile of his, his arm draped around Yamapi's shoulder; Yamapi didn't have the energy or the inclination to shrug it off. 

"Not particularly."

"Then what are you being a moody little bitch for this time?"  Ryo, as always, cut straight through the bullshit, but he did it with a smile and with love, and that was why it was so insufferably difficult to dislike him. 

Yamapi gave him a look, wondering if he could take Ryo into his confidence.  He needed to talk to someone about this.  He'd tried to figure it out on his own, but that hadn't been an exact success.  Yet, if he did tell Ryo, how did he even start?  Toma kissed me?  I kissed Toma?  We kissed each other?

Ryo pulled a face, no doubt wondering why Yamapi was measuring him up like that.  "What?" he finally asked.

"Ryo-chan," he started, but never got any further.

"NEWS!" Kataoka called from the doorway.  "It's time to go!"

The room became a cackle of excited voices and nervous laughter.  Tegoshi, who was pretty new to all this stuff, looked like he was about to pee his pants, as he followed the rest of the guys out of the room.  Kato and Kusano, though technically the youngest, were old pros compared to Tegoshi and they, along with their fellow K.K.Kity member, Koyama looked excited and raring to go.  As Yamapi started following them, Ryo grabbed his arm and held him back.

"Pi," he said, looking genuinely concerned now, "what is it?"

He shook his head.  "Nothing.   Forget about it."

------

Alone in his room, Toma looked at his watch.  The press conference would be starting right now.  He could just picture it.  Yamashita in front with a shy smile, Johnny-san beside him, the other eight behind them. 

This was it.  From now on there would be this whole part of Yamashita that didn't involve him anymore.  He swallowed hard, forced himself not to give into the tears that were pushing behind his eyes.

He'd screwed up bigtime.  Not so much the kissing Yamapi part, that had come from a desire to comfort as much as a need to be comforted.  It was the way he had handled it afterwards.  That was unforgivable.

The sound of his cell phone beeping was a welcome distraction.  His heart in his throat he called up the text message waiting for him, equally hopeful and fearful that it would be from Yamashita. 

"Let's go to the beach," the text message read.  It came from Tsubasa.

------

Loud voices announced that the NEWS members had returned to the green room.   Following the excited gang inside, Yamapi couldn't deny that he too was affected by the press conference.  Though not the debut he had dreamed of or had planned with Toma for years, it was still exciting. 

Ryo brought in the rear and the moment he entered the room he burst into a happy song.  As always, his voice soared and cracked in equal parts.  It was an unique voice, one that Yamapi had always admired and though he wouldn't admit it to a soul, he was suddenly filled with anticipation of perhaps a duet with Ryo.  Instant guilt followed the excitement.  Had he forgotten about Toma that quickly?

Again, Ryo saw the change in his expression from excited to devastated.  Though he didn't stop singing - some of the others now joining him, he gave Yamapi his "what's going on, dude?" frown.  Yamapi shook his head.  He was almost grateful when his cell phone started ringing.

It was a text message, from Tackey of all people.  "I'm waiting in the car downstairs.  Let's go celebrate," it said.

Celebrate?  Oh, god, Tackey hadn't brought Toma and Tsubasa, had he?  He hadn't even had a chance to work everything out in his head yet.  He was certainly not up to facing Toma.

Wait, the text did say 'I'm waiting downstairs.  Tackey wouldn't put emphasis on the I if he didn't mean to make it clear to Yamapi that he was alone.  Had Toma talked to Tsubasa and he in turn to Tackey?  Was Tackey now running intervention? 

Then again, he did need to talk to someone.

"Go on," a voice suddenly said in his ear, causing Yamapi to jump.  "Get out of here," Ryo said, suddenly way too close to Yamapi and regarding him with a serious expression.  "I don't know what's in that text message, but it's clear that you want to get out of here."

Not for the first time since Johnny's announcement Yamapi felt genuine gratitude that Ryo-chan was part of NEWS.  "You can handle things here?" he asked.

Ryo's expression turned to one of annoyance.  "I'll manage," he said sarcastically.

"Thanks," he said and started walking away.

"You really do plan to lead by default, don't you?" Ryo said as a farewell shot, but without even turning back to him, Yamapi flipped him off. 

It didn't turn out to be difficult to find Tackey among all the cars in the parking lot.  He was standing next to his car, grinning broadly, a giant bouquet of flowers in his arms.

"Congratulations on your debut!" he cried enthusiastically, as he thrust the flowers in Yamapi's arms.

Yamapi snorted, even though he was touched by the gesture.  "Some debut.  It's not official.  No debut single.  No... "  He'd almost said it, but stopped himself just in time. 

Of course Tackey guessed.  His expression turned sad, as he flung his arm across Yamapi's shoulder and pressed him close briefly.  "No Toma," he said softly.  Letting go again, he gave Yamapi an encouraging smile.  "Get in the car, Pi-chan.  I want to take you somewhere."

"Where?" Yamapi asked, once he was buckled in and Tackey had taken place behind the wheel.  The bouquet of flowers he'd deposited in the back seat.

Tackey smiled, that smile that never promised anything good.  "You'll see."  For a while they drove in silence, but when Yamapi made no attempt to start a conversation, Tackey chuckled.  "It's been too long since I've worked with you, Pi.  I'm starting to forget how quiet you can get."

Yamapi shrugged.  "One year is not that long."

Tackey gave him a surprised look.  "It's only been a year?  It seems longer."

"That's because you miss me," Yamapi said with a smile.

"Of course I miss you," Tackey laughed.  "And Toma."

And there they had it, the dreaded topic of conversation.  Tackey again threw him a sideways look, in a less than subtle attempt to see how he'd react to the name.

"Did Toma say anything to you or Tsubasa?" he asked cautiously.

"No," Tackey said and Yamapi let out the breath he'd been holding.  Tackey wouldn't lie to him.  If he or Tsubasa had talked to Toma, he'd say so honestly.  "Should he have?"

"I guess not."  Yamapi couldn't keep a note of annoyance out of his voice.  So what if it didn't mean anything to Toma?  Toma probably went around kissing other juniors all the time.  Like that time Yamapi and Tackey practically had to tear him and Tsubasa apart on the concert floor. 

Tackey seemed to hear the irritation in his voice as well; he threw Yamapi another questioning look.  "Did something happen between you and Toma?"

Now it was Yamapi's turn to give Tackey a questioning look.  "Like what?" he asked suspiciously.

"Damn it, Yamashita, I'm asking you!"  That was probably the first time since they'd known each other that Tackey had yelled at him.  Taken aback, Yamapi stared at him.  A look of contrition almost instantly appeared on Tackey's face.  "I'm sorry, Pi," he said, shaking his head, "It's just that..."  He trailed off, took a deep breath and sighed.  "Damn it, Pi, we feel that we're to blame, Tsubasa and I."

What?  Yamapi frowned.  "Blame for what?"

Even though there wasn't that much traffic, Tackey looked straight ahead, as if he couldn't bear to meet Yamapi's eye.  "Tsubasa and I can't help feeling like we're the ones who put the thought in your heads." 

The thought of kissing each other?  Tackey and Tsubasa did always act it up on stage, but were they perhaps really...? 

"We're the ones who kept saying that you and Toma were going to follow in our footsteps," Tackey added, and suddenly everything became clear.  Relieved, Yamapi pulled a face.  "And you did!  You took over the Juniors from us."  Tackey sighed.  "It felt like a matter of course that you would debut together too."

When Yamapi remained silent, Tackey added: "All these years and I still have no idea how Johnny-san's mind works.  Why would he separate you two?  He must have a reason..."  He trailed off, a thought occurring to him.  "Unless he plans to make two killings."

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it, Yamapi.  You two are the most popular Juniors.  Maybe he's planning to build a unit around Toma as well.  Not put all his eggs in one basket, as it were."

Yamapi wasn't so sure.  "Then why me?  Toma's the oldest.  He should debut first."

"Yeah," Tackey agreed, "that's how it used to work at least."

Another silence grew between them, one in which Yamapi focussed on their surroundings, trying to figure out where they were going.  Was Tackey taking him to the beach?

"Anyway," he finally said, still turned towards the window, "I don't think you or Tsubasa should beat yourselves over the head about it.  After all, what's really going to change between me and Toma, except that we won't be spending every minute of the day with each other anymore?"

But something had already changed between them, and it hadn't even been a full day yet.

------

He hadn't really known just how much he'd bottled up inside until he'd burst into tears right there on the beach.  One minute he was walking along the beach, chatting with Tsubasa, the next he was kneeling in the sand, crying his eyes out.  Perhaps Tsubasa knew him well enough to know that was what he needed.  He certainly hadn't looked at all surprised; he'd just kneeled down beside Toma, wrapped him in his arms and let him cry on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he said, feeling quite embarrassed, as he wiped the last of his tears away.

"Don't be," Tsubasa replied, "I know you're in pain, Toma.  Don't deny it."

And that was just it.  Tsubasa did know.  To him they weren't just vacant platitudes.  Johnny had threatened to tear him and Tackey apart as well.  They'd even got their fans involved to change Johnny's mind.  There were rumours that it was all a big publicity stunt, that Johnny always intended to debut them together, but still...

Why didn't Yamashita and I think of that?

Because it had all happened so fast!  Before their heads had even stopped reeling, it had already been too late.  And would the fans have fought for them the way they had for Tackey and Tsubasa?

------

There were two people walking along the beach towards them.  It was the body language that betrayed their identity first; Yamapi halted in his tracks.

"You're a sneaky man, Tackey."

"And I know you too well, Yamapi," the other man retorted.

Toma too came to a stop; clearly he hadn't expected their meeting any more than Yamapi had.  They looked at each other across the few feet still separating them.  Then, after what looked like a few encouraging words from Tsubasa, Toma started moving again.  Yamapi too forced his feet to take those few more steps.

They met in the middle.  Yamapi wondered if he looked as awkward as Toma did as he stood there before him.  Toma's head was lowered, his hands stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans.

Yamapi searched his mind frantically for something to say.  "Hey," he finally said softly, giving up on anything profound.

Toma raised his head, smiled at Yamapi.  "How did the press conference go?"

He shrugged.  That's not what he wanted to talk about.  "Do you hate me very much for doing this without you?"

The look on Toma's face turned shocked.  In an instant the awkwardness seemed to be wiped away, as he took a quick step towards Yamapi, so close now that Yamapi could feel his breath on his face when he spoke.

"I could never hate you," he said passionately.

"Then why...?"  He couldn't get the rest of the question out, his voice suddenly obstructed by the lump in his throat.  Why, he wanted to ask.  If you don't hate me, why didn't you want me to kiss you?

But he couldn't ask that question in the presence of Tackey and Tsubasa.  Then again, what had happened to those two?  He'd been so focussed on Toma that he must have missed them sneaking off together. 

It didn't matter.  None of it mattered anymore, because the next words out of Toma's mouth turned Yamapi's entire world upside down. 

"I'm in love with you."

------

They were sitting side by side in the sand, watching the waves crash onto the shore, not speaking, not looking at each other.  The last they'd seen of Tsubasa and Tackey was when they came to tell them that Tackey was taking Tsubasa home and that Toma and Yamapi should take the train back.  They'd given a token protest, but they knew very well that this was their mentors' way of pushing them together.  At this particular moment Toma didn't even mind.  This was nice.  Just the two of them, the sand, the sun, the birds overhead, the wind in their hair and most importantly, no words that could hurt.

He watched the sand as it ran through his fingers.  At least he'd finally found the courage to tell Yamashita how he felt about him.  Even if Yamashita had said nothing in return, it was enough.

Toma startled when Yamashita laced his fingers through his and let their joined hands fall back onto the sand.  His heart beating wildly, Toma stared at their entwined fingers, Yamapi's sun-tanned fingers against his own slimmer, paler ones.  They fit together so perfectly.  He wanted to turn his head, see what was on Yamashita's face, but the next moment he gasped when a weight settled onto his shoulder.  Yamapi's head, he realised, holding his breath.   What was going through Yamapi's mind? 

But Yamashita didn't say anything, so Toma didn't either, simply leaned his own head against the top of Yamapi's.

They sat there for quite a while.  It shocked Toma how peaceful it felt.  That is, until suddenly it wasn't.  From one moment to the next it went from calm and peaceful to something that made the blood sing in Toma's veins.  Suddenly, Toma found himself stroking the skin of the warm hand within his with his thumb; Yamashita sighed deeply, and then it only felt natural that their faces turned towards each other and their lips met. 

It was the sweetest, slowest kiss Toma had ever experienced.  Both of them searching at first, but even as their mouths opened and the kiss deepened, it was still so heartbreakingly delicate and languid.  The hand that wasn't clutched in Toma's came to rest in Toma's neck, not pulling him closer, but just gently stroking and yeah, that was the perfect finishing touch to a perfect moment.

"So," Yamashita said, some equally perfect kisses later, his head again on Toma's shoulder, "are we dating then?"

Something did a dance inside Toma's chest, but he simply smiled.  OK, so maybe it was a tiny bit of a demented smile.  "Yes," was all he said.

"Cool," said Yamashita, and that too made Toma grin like an idiot.  "What do people do when they're dating?"

"Have dinner?" Toma offered.

Yamashita hummed.  "We already do that."

"Go to the movies?"

"Yep, we already do that too."

"Go to the beach?"

"Huh," Yamashita said, "we're already there."

"Maybe," said Toma, feeling like he could burst, "do the things we've always done, only with a little more kissing."

Yamashita turned his head and smiled that shy smile that always did funny things to Toma's insides.  "I can work with that," he announced and Toma just had to kiss him again.  Instead of leaning into it though, Yamashita pulled back at his approach.  Toma frowned, but the sudden worry was wiped away by Yamashita's bright smile.  "You do know what that means though, don't you, Toma?"

He was being teased, that was obvious, but other than that he had no idea what Yamapi meant.  He shook his head.

"You know the one rule I set for my girlfriends."  The mischief had now reached his eyes as well.  "Don't think it doesn't apply to boyfriends as well."

And just like that Toma knew what he was talking about.  He rolled his eyes.  "Yes, Tomohisa," he said, enunciating his name with exaggeration. 

His amusement vanished when the smile disappeared in a flash from Yamashita's face.  What?  Had he blown it already?   Then he stopped worrying about it because Yamashita was kissing him thoroughly.  OK, apparently he'd done something right, fantastically right even. 

------

The entire train ride home they didn't stop smiling goofily at each other.  In the end Yamapi bumped his shoulder with Toma's.

"Stop it," he said, though he was still grinning like an idiot himself.  "People will think..."  He trailed off.  People would think what?  That they were in love?

"Let them," Toma replied, but he did finally turn his gaze away from Yamapi.  

Yamapi almost instantly felt bereft, but he knew that they couldn't behave like every other couple in love.  At least not in public.  He found that it didn't really matter.  They were still sitting close together; Yamapi could feel Toma's thigh pressed up against his.  It was enough for now.

His stop came too soon.  Even though he didn't really want to end this day with Toma, he was still surprised when Toma stood up as well.

"I'll walk you home," Toma said.

What?  What was he?  The girl in this relationship?  He couldn't ask that question in the crowded train or among the throng of people milling about the train station, but he did once it was just the two of them walking a semi-deserted street.

Toma just gave him a look.  "Duh," he said comically, which made Yamapi glare at him and hit him upside the head.  He couldn't hide, though, how happy it made him, to have Toma walking beside him like this.  He'd been so afraid that he was losing Toma, but instead he'd gained a whole new Toma.

They walked along in silence.  Yamapi was reminded of Tackey's words, that he could get quiet on occasions, but this was the sort of silence that felt right, where no words were needed.

Yamapi's house started to loom in sight.  Soon they would have to say good night.  Something sad and heavy started to form in his chest, but just at that moment, Toma grabbed his hand and pulled him into a dark little side street.  Before Yamapi knew what had happened, Toma had pulled him against him and was kissing him deeply.

Yamapi made a sound in his throat and melted into the kiss, his fingers threading in Toma's hair.  Oh, yeah, he thought with a giggle, he was so the girl in this relationship.

"Someone will see," he panted between kisses, even though he didn't want to tear himself away from Toma.  

"All they'll see in this bad light is two hot guys making out.  There's no way they'll be able to recognise us."

Good point, Yamapi thought.  Not that he needed a lot of convincing to let himself be pulled into another kiss.  

The time did come to say good night for real.  "Don't come with me to the house," Yamapi said.  "If my mum or Rina see me with you right now they will immediately guess."

Toma nodded in understanding.  With one final kiss they said good night.  Yamapi watched Toma walk back to the train station and turned towards his home.

"You were on the news," his mum said.  "Did you eat?"

He nodded and made a beeline for his room.  He'd barely stepped through the door before his cell phone rang.  Yamapi grinned at the single word Toma had sent him: "goodnight."

"Goodnight," he texted back and feeling like a total girl, he added a heart emoticon.  With the cell phone clutched to his chest, he fell onto his back onto his bed.  Oh, yeah, he was in love all right.

------

There was only one thing worse than being summoned to Johnny-san's office and that was being summoned without an appointment.  That usually meant that you'd screwed up good and were really in the doghouse.

Toma took a deep breath as he knocked on the door.  Maybe it wouldn't turn out so bad after all.  Maybe they'd been called in to discuss the future of the three remaining Tops.  That hope instantly vanished when he opened the door and found neither Kazama or Jun present.  So, it was about him then.  He cast around his mind, frantically trying to think what he could have done, but he couldn't for the life of him think of anything.

"Ah, Ikuta-kun," Johnny said, indicating the chair opposite his desk, "sit down."

"You wanted to see me, Johnny-san?"

"Yes," Johnny said.  He rose from his chair, came in front of his desk and leaned back against it.  

Anyone who didn't know Johnny might have thought it was a friendly gesture, but it made Toma more on his guard than ever.  Short and skinny he might be, but Johnny-san was nothing if not intimidating, especially when he was looming over you like that.

"We need to discuss your future now that Four Tops are no more," Johnny started.

Toma felt like he was going to throw up.  He'd known all along, of course, known that Johnny had no intention of returning Yamashita to Four Tops, no matter what he'd said when the four of them stood in this office.  But to have it confirmed, thrown into his face like that, made a vile taste appear in the back of his throat.

"What do you have in mind, Johnny-san?" he asked cautiously.  

Johnny sighed, appeared to think it over - that was a laugh! - and crossed his arms.  "Now that depends on you, Toma-kun."

Toma frowned.  "Me, sir?"

Uncrossing his arms, Johnny suddenly leaned closer; Toma shrank back in surprise.  "Did you and Yamashita-kun have a lovely day on the beach yesterday?"

Oh, god, he didn't!  He didn't know what had started between him and Yamashita, did he?

Toma tried not to blink, tried not to show how much Johnny-san's words effected him.  "Yes, in fact we did.  The weather was lovely."

"Celebrating Yamashita-kun's upcoming debut, were you?"

Oh, that bastard!  Rub it in, why don't you, Toma thought, as he dug his nails in his palms to stay calm.

"Of course," he said with a smile.  "It's something to celebrate, isn't it?"

"Some day you'll get to celebrate it too," Johnny said, but Toma could already feel the 'but' hanging in the air.  It would come with a condition.  He steeled himself against whatever it was.  "But only if you stay away from Yamashita."

Toma's heart sank.  Whatever he had expected Johnny to ask from him, this wasn't it.  This was asking the impossible.

"He's my best friend," he stammered.  No matter how hard he tried he couldn't help the tremor in his voice.

Johnny snorted.  "Your best friend!" he said, his voice mocking.  "I know what you want, Ikuta!  Why do you think I pulled you two apart in the first place?"

What?!  Toma could only stare at Johnny, his whole body shaking with rage.  That vile, jealous old man!  

Where he got the strength, he'd never know.  Maybe he was pushed by his feelings for Yamapi.  Whatever it was, it made him straighten his spine, look Johnny straight in the eye.

"You can't make me stay away from Yamashita.  There's nothing you can do to my career that'll make me turn my back on him."

Johnny leaned a little closer still, but Toma held firm to his resolve.  "We'll see about that," Johnny said, his voice low and threatening, but then he pulled back and smiled.  Toma wasn't fooled for a second.  "You can go," he told Toma.

Toma slowly got to his feet, eyeing Johnny suspiciously.  He already had his hand on the doorknob when Johnny spoke again.

"Ever seen A Star Is Born, Ikuta-kun?" Johnny asked sweetly.

"Excuse me?" he said.

"We'll see how long you'll stand by Yamashita when his career takes off while yours goes down the drain."

Biting back on his anger, Toma turned around, his face not betraying his inner turmoil.  "Yes, we will," he said resolutely, before he opened the door and fled Johnny's office.

Once outside in the hallway the shakes got the better of him.  That horrible, little man.  He'd always known about Johnny's weakness for Yamapi, but Toma had always attributed that to Yamashita being his goose with the golden eggs.  Besides, nobody in Johnny's was immune to Yamashita's shy sweetness.  

But this!  That he would stoop this low Toma would never have suspected.  

The ringing of his cell phone shook him out of his thoughts.  With trembling fingers he checked the message.  It was Yamashita. 

He couldn't know, Toma instantly decided, even as he punched in a reply.  Yamapi could never know about this.  Tomohisa, he reminded himself, his heart suddenly lighter.  He would have to start getting used to calling him Tomohisa, even in his thoughts.

"Want to do something tonight?"

"I'm done at 5," Tomohisa texted back immediately.  "Karaoke?"

"You still want to sing after a day of rehearsals?" he sent back incredulously.

"Private karaoke boxes, Toma!" Tomohisa texted back, emphasising the private.

His fingers started shaking again, but this time for a completely different reason.  If that despicable little man really thought that his career was worth giving up this, he was in for a surprise.

"I'm sold," he sent back.  "Pick you up at 5."

He'd show Johnny.  As long as he had this, as long as he had Yamapi, he could take on ten Johnnys.

------

He felt a chin rest on his shoulder and quickly snapped his cell phone shut.

"I wasn't peeking!"  Ryo chuckled, not moving from his spot.  "I was just curious what got you smiling so sweetly.  Good news?"

Faking annoyance, Yamapi shook Ryo's chin off his shoulder.  He couldn't keep up the pretence very long though.  He was in love; he couldn't hide his happiness.

Ryo gaped at him.  "Who is she?" he demanded.  "Do I know her?"

"What are you talking about, Nishikido?"

"You're in love," Ryo said, a little too loudly.  Kusano and Masuda turned away from what they were doing to give them inquisitive looks.

"Why don't you talk a little louder," Yamapi chided, but he couldn't stop grinning.

Ryo grinned back.  "I'm happy for you, man.  Maybe now you'll give your own band a break and stop mooning over Ikuta."

Taken by surprise, Yamapi blinked at him; that was a mistake.  

Ryo's mouth fell open.  "No way," he gasped.

"Ryo," he grit out in warning, but Ryo was all teeth and smiles.  Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.  

Then again, maybe it would, he reconsidered when Ryo ruffled his hair teasingly, making him feel like he was five years old.  Then he leaned close to Yamapi's ear and whispered: "About time you figured it out.

"Shige, you idiot, you've got the dance steps wrong!" he cried out, marching towards Kato-kun, who pulled a face at Ryo.

"You weren't even looking," Shige shot back, giving as good as he got.

"I don't have to look to know those two left feet of yours are doing it wrong," Ryo returned with a grin.  

Yamapi just stood there, staring at them.

------

Technically these benches were too narrow for this type of activity, but Toma wasn't complaining.  He had an armful of Yamapi wriggling in his lap, kissing him like he wanted to crawl inside Toma.  It was everything he'd fantasised about on countless sleepless nights, but so much better than he could ever have dreamed.

"Aren't we supposed to do some singing?" he asked, while Tomohisa was nibbling on his ear.

"I've sung all day," he replied, "must save my voice."

"Kind of defeats the purpose of coming here, doesn't it?"

Tomohisa pulled back to give him a radiant smile.  "Privacy, Toma," he said before he dived in for another kiss.

OK, so they had privacy, Toma thought, running his hands along Tomohisa's back, but a little comfort couldn't hurt either.  He wiggled his butt to find a better position and oh, god, that felt good!

Tomohisa groaned and pushed back.  "Oh, yes, do that again," he breathed into Toma's mouth, biting lightly on his lower lip.  

It wasn't that he didn't want to.  God, how he wanted to.  Just not now, not like this.

"Tomohisa," he said slowly, a hand on each arm pushing Tomo away from him.  

Tomohisa gave him a strange look, but then he grinned, wrapped his hand around Toma's wrist to pull Toma's hand off his own arm and pushed it down between their bodies.  Toma couldn't hold back a gasp when his fingers brushed against the seam of Tomohisa's jeans and the hardening bulge underneath.  Taking advantage of Toma's momentary surprise, Tomohisa leaned in for another kiss.

"I'm not a virgin, Toma," he panted into Toma's mouth, moving Toma's hand against his crotch, "there's no need to be so gentle."

For a moment Toma got carried away by how good it felt.  He turned his hand and pressed it against Tomohisa's cock, stroking a few times, swallowing the turned-on noises Tomo was making, as he humped Toma's hand.  But then he came to his senses.  He pulled his hand away.

Pulling back, Tomohisa gave him a strange look.  He did that thing again, where he was biting his bottom lip, a sure indication of his insecurity.  Toma knew him so well.  He talked a good talk, but deep down he was just like any eighteen-year-old.  Maybe even less mature than most.

"Not like this, Tomo," he said.

A vulnerable, hurt look appeared in his eyes, one that made Toma hate himself for putting there, and like that, with one graceful move, Tomohisa slid off his lap and onto the bench beside him.  

Oh, great, now he got treated to the pout.  Which Tomohisa knew very well he couldn't resist.

"Tomo?" he asked, hesitantly.

Tomohisa didn't look at him.  Looked at the floor between his feet.  Finally he spoke, his voice barely a whisper.  "I'm not a slut, you know."

Oh, damn!  

Toma grabbed his hand, pulled Tomo back onto his lap.  "I know!  And that is why!"  The pout was seriously starting to affect his sense of judgement, so he pressed his lips to it, just to make it go away.  It took a moment, but then Tomo returned the kiss.  Only then did Toma pull back.  "I want to have sex with you, god, so much!"  That brought a hint of a smile back on Tomohisa's lips.  "But not here, not like this."

He leaned in for another kiss; apparently he was forgiven, as Tomo kissed him back sweetly.  Turning to his side, he bodily put Tomohisa on the bench beside him.

"Come on," he said, when he saw the look on Tomohisa's face, "let's sing a song."  He turned to the song selection.  "They must have True Heart on here.  You can do Tackey and I'll do Tsubasa."

His heart soared when he heard a snort behind him.  "In your dreams," Tomohisa muttered.  Toma grinned.

------

Toma's birthday was fast approaching and to be honest, it was filling Yamapi with dread.  Perhaps it shouldn't.  It was just another birthday.  The only difference with previous birthdays was that this time they were boyfriends.  Yamapi still couldn't think of the term without wanting to giggle, but really, what else could he call Toma?

They were between takes of their song's PV, when Ryo fell into the chair beside him and blew out an annoyed breath.

"Always with the waiting," he grumbled.  "If it's not the cameras, it's the lighting.  And if it's neither of those, it's Kato holding up everything by falling over his own two left feet again."

Yamapi ignored it, just shook his head with an inner smile.  Ryo wasn't fooling anyone with his constant Kato-bitching and Yamapi knew that the best way to annoy Ryo was not go into it.

Actually, now that he had him sitting here...  "Ryo-chan," he started.

Ryo pulled a face at him.  "It never means anything good when you start a sentence with Ryo-chan."  He said his own name in a high-pitched mocking tone that made Yamapi laugh.

"I've just been thinking about what to give Toma for his birthday."  The suspicious look on Ryo's face immediately turned into an interested one.  "I don't want it to be something trite now that we're..."  He looked around to see if none of the other members were around before continuing, but Ryo, smiling evilly, beat him to it.

"Luvvers?"

"Ssssh!"  Yamapi waved his hands frantically to get him to lower his voice.  Of course that only resulted in Ryo grinning.

"You could always give him your virginity, that would be pretty special.  Oh, wait!"  He made it seem as if a thought just occurred to him.  "Guess that ship's already sailed."

"If you ever breathe a word to Toma about that, I'll kill you," Yamapi hissed, hoping he wasn't turning bright red, not in the least reassured by Ryo laughing in his face.  "Just help me think of something I could do for his birthday or somewhere I could take him."

"Well, I can tell you where not to take him: the sauna."

Yamapi rose from his chair, breathing hard with annoyance.  "I don't know why I thought you'd take this seriously."  He glared at the hand that had suddenly closed around his arm.

"No, wait," Ryo said, looking genuinely sorry, "I was having a laugh, that's all.  I'll help you."

Still suspicious, Yamapi sank back in his chair and gave Ryo a dubious look.  "Yeah?"

"Sure.  Hey, guys," he called out to the rest of the NEWS members, as Yamapi lowered his head in his hands in disbelief and embarrassment.  Ryo wasn't going to use this as another "bonding exercise", was he?  "What's the best birthday gift you ever got from your girlfriend," he asked, once the rest were gathered around.  "Well, obviously not you, Kato, because anyone can see that you've never had a girlfriend."

His head still in his hands, Yamapi groaned and kicked Ryo's shin.  If that was Ryo's attempt at finding out if Kato was gay, it was less than subtle.

"What?"  Ryo sounded insulted, completely misinterpreting Yamapi or knowing Ryo, probably doing it deliberately.  "I'm just saying that he's too young for a girlfriend."

"I'm a year younger," Kusano piped up.

Ryo chuckled.  "Yeah, but you're a player."

"Yeah, Kusano, you make girls faint with your singing," Masuda giggled.

Koyama groaned.  "Oh, god, he hasn't been spreading that story again, has he?  Look, the girl hadn't eaten all day.  She was going to pass out anyway."

"Jealousy doesn't become you, Kei-chan," Kusano said sweetly, which was answered by laughter and giggles.

Slowly, Yamapi lifted his head out of his hands and looked around in wonder.  He had never seen the NEWS members so relaxed.  Koyama was mock-bashing Kusano over the head, while Masuda was looking on, laughing hysterically.  With Tegoshi sitting cross-legged on the floor, looking up eagerly at the antics of his sempai, Moriuchi was straddling a prop.  Even Kato, despite the earlier slight from Ryo, was grinning.

"So, yeah," Masuda said, claiming a corner of Moriuchi's prop, "the best birthday gift was when a girl cooked for me."

That produced another round of laughter; why, Yamapi couldn't tell.  Maybe he really should start paying attention to his members.

"I'm sure!" Uchi's laugh came from somewhere to Yamapi's side.  "Do you ever think of anything other than food, Massu?"

When he turned, he found Uchi sitting on Ryo's lap,  Ryo watching Yamapi with a "aren't I a genius?" look.  Yamapi smirked at him.  He would never admit it, but he really kind of was.

------

"Don't make plans!"  That was all Tomohisa had said.  "I don't care what Matsujun or Jimmy have planned.  This is our first birthday as a couple.  You're spending it with me!"

"Aye aye, sir!"  Toma had snapped a mocking salute, but inside he was thrilled. 

His birthday started exactly one minute after midnight, when his cell phone beeped.  "Don't know if you're still awake, but happy birthday!  See you at 8!"

Toma smiled at the text message and fell asleep wondering what Tomohisa had in store for him. 

Eight, that was when Toma was ready and waiting outside his house, like he'd been instructed to and feeling decidedly more nervous than the occasion perhaps warranted.  Despite the nerves, he couldn't help laughing when a dodgy Toyota pulled up in front of him.

"What the hell is this?" he said, opening the passenger door and venturing a peek inside.  "Is this thing even road safe?"

"Just get in and stop complaining!"

"Gosh, you say the most romantic things."  Toma grinned as he got into the car, a grin that grew even bigger when the first thing Tomohisa did was grab the front of Toma's shirt and pull him into a searing kiss.  Toma's hand instantly came up to slide softly along the back of Tomohisa's neck.  It felt so perfect, he didn't even care if anyone saw them.

"Happy birthday," Tomohisa whispered against Toma's mouth.

"Thank you."  He sneaked in a few more quick kisses, but then did manage to pull back to a safe distance.  "Though seriously, where did you get this hunk of junk?"

"Never you mind."  Grinning, Tomohisa turned the ignition and pulled out into the street.  "Where I got it isn't important.  And I won't tolerate any disparaging remarks about her either."  He grimaced when the car let out a plaintive groan when Tomohisa tried to shift gears.  Toma laughed, more out of sheer happiness than at Tomohisa's expense.  "Anyway," Tomohisa said, his mouth twisted, "beggars can't be choosers.

"In other words, it's better if I don't know."

"Precisely."  Tomohisa gave him a quick look before turning his attention back to the road.  "You look good."

"Oh, god!"  Toma groaned and laughed at the same time.  "Are we stuck in one of those films we used to make as kids?  'How to date!  Step one: compliment your date on her pretty dress.'"

Tomohisa pouted; as always, it made Toma think very naughty thoughts.  "But you do look good.  And you smell so nice!"

"The smell of cheap cologne.  Birthday present from the shrimp."

"Fine," Tomohisa huffed.  "Next time I'll tell you that you look awful and you stink."

Wow, five minutes into their date and he'd already let his nerves ruin it.  "Sorry, I get flippant when I'm nervous."  As if Tomohisa didn't know that about him already.

Still, Tomohisa gave him a startled look.  "Nervous?  What do you have to be nervous about?"

Toma shrugged, feeling slightly silly.  "I've never been taken out on a date."

"Whereas I wouldn't be at all worried that you might not like what I've planned?"  The insecurity shone through the exasperation in Tomohisa's voice. 

Well, yes, put like that, of course Toma was being an idiot.  Trying to make it better, he ran a soothing hand along Tomohisa's thigh, but withdrew it quickly when the car swerved dangerously.

"Toma!  Don't do that!"

That still kind of took him by surprise, that he had that effect on Tomohisa.  "Sorry," he mumbled, more awed than apologetic.  "But where are we going anyway?"

Now that he'd got the car back under control, Tomohisa smiled mischievously.  "That's a surprise."

Arrived at their destination, Toma understood why Tomohisa had brought a car, when the train had served them just fine before. 

"Remember?" Tomohisa asked, turning to Toma with a hesitant smile.  He'd parked the car at almost exactly the same spot they had stood that time.  The view was still as spectacular as it had been then.  "I told you it was romantic."

Toma tore his gaze away from Tomohisa, took in the view in front of the car and then turned back to Tomo, honestly debating with himself which was the most breathtaking sight.  "You did."  His voice sounded dreamy to his own ears.  "It is."

Knowing he'd done good, Tomohisa's smile turned so bright, Toma just had to lean closer and taste it with his mouth.  "Come on," Tomohisa said, when they broke apart, "let's move this to the backseat."

He'd already opened the door, one foot was already outside, when Toma grabbed his arm and held him back.  "Tomo," he said, but didn't know how to express what he was feeling.  He ended up just giving Tomohisa a regretful look.  He really wasn't about to have sex in the back of a rundown Toyota anymore than he'd have it in a karaoke box.

Tomohisa frowned at him for a moment, but then seemed to understand what Toma was trying to convey.  With an exaggerated sigh, he rolled his eyes.  "Will you get your mind out of the gutter?  I brought us a picnic.  I just thought we'd be more comfortable in the back."

Letting go of Tomohisa's arm, he ducked his head, turning bright red.  "Sorry," he mumbled yet again.  What was wrong with him?  He was ruining what was supposed to be a wonderful date.

"You know, Toma."  The flirty edge to Tomohisa's voice made Toma look up at him.  He sucked in a breath at the suggestiveness in Tomohisa's eyes.  "I will get in your pants sooner or later."  With those words he got out of the car and slammed the door shut, leaving Toma breathing heavily, the pants Tomohisa had just announced his designs on, a little tighter than before.  If the tease kept this up, Toma would have to fight to keep his resolve and not jump him right here on the backseat of the car after all.

By the time Toma had snapped himself out of it, Tomohisa had produced a stack of bento boxes out of the boot.  Opening the backseat door, he gave Toma a questioning look.  "Coming?"

God, the little shit was doing it on purpose; Toma was convinced of it.  Even more so when he joined Tomohisa in the backseat and saw the shit-eating grin on the smug bastard's face, but then there was food and Tomohisa was almost as easily distracted by food as Toma was, even from sex.  He watched in amazement as container after container was opened and put on the seat between them, displaying every single one of Toma's favourite foods, from mini-burgers to onigiri and cold noodles.  Though there was no way that Tomohisa could have done this without help, most likely from his mum, it made Toma quiet with wonderment how much effort Tomohisa had put into making this a memorable birthday.

While Tomohisa talked about the universities he'd applied to and Toma assured him that he would get in, despite his stupid teacher's mocking, they not only fed themselves but each other as well.  It was perfect, just perfect, everything Toma could have wanted for his birthday.  When they cleared the containers away and just cuddled up close to admire the view some more, Toma had to agree with Tomohisa. This place was definitely meant for lovers.

------

When Johnny appointed him NEWS' manager, Kataoka hadn't thought that babysitting duties would be included, nor for that matter negotiations with sleazy private investigators.

"The photo's useless," he said into the phone, sighing with weariness.

"What do you mean, useless?" a rough voice replied angrily.  "It's Ikuta and Yamashita in a compromising situation, isn't it?"

"And because of the reflection in the car's windshield, you can't make out their faces.  You really think Johnny-san's going to shell out money for crappy work like that?"

"Dude, you better not be telling me that you won't be paying me."

"Pay you for what?  A blurry photo that could be anyone?  Bring me something better, something we can actually use and then we'll talk about payment."  Without waiting for his reply, Kataoka terminated the call.

Of course there was the possibility that he'd go over Kataoka's head and go straight to Johnny, but Kataoka doubted it.  There was nothing in the photo that either he or Johnny could use.  Snorting with contempt, he passed the photo through the shredder.

Maybe it was time to up the ante.

------

Rina was still in school and Yamapi's mum was at work, so they had the place to themselves, the perfect moment for a grand make-out session on Yamapi's bed.  He'd just rolled Toma onto his back, straddling his hips when his cell phone started ringing.  The ringtone told Yamapi who it was, so he ignored it at first.  Of course he might have known that this particular person wouldn't stand for being ignored.  When the ringing kept insisting, Yamapi pulled an apologetic face and reached out for the cell lying on his night stand.  Still straddling Toma, he answered it.

"This had better be good, Akanishi," he muttered.

"Pi!  Long time no see, stranger!"

And that made guilt sweep through Yamapi.  Jin was right.  Yamapi was so wrapped up in this new thing with Toma that he had been neglecting his other friends.  Toma frowned at the guiltridden look that appeared on Yamapi's face and ran a comforting hand along his thigh.  And right, that wasn't helping Yamapi to think clearly at all.

"Uh, look, Jin," he started, but Jin cut him off.

"Don't worry.  Nishikido told me that there's a new love in your life."  

OK, Nishikido was so dead!  

"Oh, god, she's with you right now, isn't she?" Jin continued, without waiting for Yamapi's reply.  Perhaps he was reading Yamapi's distraction accurately.  "I bet she's straddling you right now."

Yamapi looked down at Toma's face and couldn't help grinning.  "No, other way around actually."

"Pi!" Jin cried, but now it was Yamapi's turn to have some fun.  He mouthed 'Can Jin know?' at Toma.  Toma didn't even look startled, nodded at once.

"Do you want to say hi to my new love, Jin?"

"Wait, what?"  Jin sounded confused.  "Do I know her?"

"Say hi to Akanishi, sweetheart," he said and then pressed the phone to Toma's ear.

"Hi, Akanishi-kun," he said obediently.

Even without Toma shrinking away from the phone with a pained face, Yamapi could tell Jin was shouting.  He was so loud in fact that Yamapi could understand every word.

"Toma?!  Are you fucking kidding me?  Put Pi back on!  Pi!"

"Happy now?" he asked sweetly.

"I'm going to kill Nishikido!"  Yeah, that made two of them.  "He didn't say anything about Toma.  Wait, does Nishikido know it's Toma?"

"Yes."

"That little shit."  Suddenly Jin laughed.  "Look, Pi, I'm happy for you, I really am."

"Thanks," he said.  

Toma had been looking anxious while he waited to know Jin's reaction, but he responded to the smile on Yamapi's face with a happy smile of his own.

"I thought it would take you at least another two years before you figured it out," Jin added.  Eeeh, what?  "And while we're on the subject," Jin continued, "there's something I've got to tell you too."

"No, you don't," Yamapi said, grinning, "I know."

"What?" Jin sounded shocked.  "How can you know about me and Kame, and be so clueless about you and Toma?"

"Because you just told me about you and Kame, Bakanishi!"

"Damn it!" Jin swore.  "Why do I always fall for that?"

'Kame?' Toma mouthed at Yamapi.  "Jin, you cradle-robber!" he said loud enough for Jin to hear.

"Shut up, Ikuta!" Jin said.  "Look, Pi," he added, once Toma and Yamapi were laughed out enough to let Jin get a word in, "I mean it when I say I'm happy for you.  And I know how easy it is to lose yourself in the thrill of a new love.  Just don't forget about your mates, OK?"

"OK," he promised.

"I'll let you get on with getting ravished by Toma then."  He chuckled at Yamapi's outrage.  "Seriously?  Toma?"

"Seriously?  Kame?" he shot right back, before terminating the call.  "I'm not kidding," Yamapi said, as he returned the phone back to his night stand.  "I have no idea what he sees in Kamenashi."

"He's pretty?" Toma offered.

"But he's so serious!"

Toma smiled.  "Which is why he's perfect for Jin."

Good point.  But wait!  "That means we're totally wrong for each other," he said, suddenly distressed.  "Neither of us is serious!"

Toma threw him an exasperated look.  "Come here," he said, his hand on Yamapi's neck pulling him towards him.  

They were just getting to the interesting bits again, when a door slammed shut somewhere in the house.  Only one person slammed a door like that.

"Shit!"  Yamapi jumped off Toma and the bed, frantically pulling his clothes into a respectable state.  "Why is she back from school this soon?"

He cast a quick look at Toma who was looking as panicked as Yamapi felt.  Shit, Toma's hair was standing up in every direction; he was flushed.  Yamapi was sure he looked just as bad.  There was no way they could hide what they were doing up here.  He prayed that she would go straight to her room and bypass his completely.

"Niichan?" a trembling voice said outside his door.  "Are you home?"

Jeez, she was crying!  There was no way he could ignore that.

He opened the door, let her in.  "What happened?"

She stood there, looking at the floor, the tears running down her cheeks.  "Some girls in my school.  They were calling you names."

He put his arm around her.  "That's not the first time.  Why did you let it get to you now?"

"They said that you won't last a day without Four Tops.  That you're going to crash and burn."

Ah, now he understood what this was about.  He cast a look at Toma, who nodded back at him.  He got it too.

"Are these girls fans of Four Tops?" Toma asked, coming closer.

"Oh, hi, Ikuta-kun," she said, not in the least surprised, it would seem, to find Toma in Yamapi's room.  "And yes."

Yamapi smiled.  "It's only natural, Rina.  They're in pain because their favourite group is broken up and they're lashing out.  It's not meant to hurt you."

"But it does hurt," she said, sniffling.

"I know."  With his hand on her shoulder, he guided her out of his bedroom, mouthing 'sorry!' at Toma over her head.  Toma made a shooing gesture at Yamapi, as if telling him to take care of his sister first.  "Let's go wash your face and you can tell me all about it."

Out in the hallway, she startled him by pressing a kiss to his cheek.  "I've always liked Ikuta-kun," she said enigmatically.

"Huh?" was his eloquent response.

"About time you figured it out, big brother."

And why did everyone keep telling him that?

------

Left alone in Yamapi's room, Toma sank onto the edge of his boyfriend's bed.  Boyfriend.  He had to grin at the thought.  It still sounded so unreal.

He was just contemplating his next course - maybe he should leave Tomohisa and his sister alone so they could have a good chat - when his cell phone rang.

"You're being watched," was all the text message said.  It didn't say who it came from.

He was still frowning at it in confusion, when Tomohisa came back into the room.  Not giving the text a further thought, Toma quickly slipped the cell phone back into his pocket.

"How is she?" he asked.

Tomohisa closed the door behind him and just stood there, a frown on his face.  "She knows about us."

Well, of course, she did, Toma thought, looking at Tomohisa.  His hair was dishevelled, his lips kiss-swollen.  Or maybe Tomohisa's lips always looked like that.  You ought to know, he told himself, you spent enough time obsessing over them.

"What did she say?"

"That she's always liked you."  He sounded amazed.

Relief flooding him, Toma grinned.  "And I've always liked her.  Where is she now?"

"Watching her favourite TV-show."  Tomohisa smiled sheepishly.  "Look, Toma, I want to stay with her until my mum comes home."

"Of course," he said, standing up.  He completely understood.  "I'll go home then?"

Taking a quick step towards Toma, Tomohisa wrapped his arms around Toma's waist, pulled him close and kissed him quickly but thoroughly.  "Don't go.  Just come downstairs and watch a very girly anime with us."

Toma's heart threatened to burst.  "I can do that," he said, grinning widely, before he stole another quick kiss, the mysterious text message forgotten.

"Ikuta-kun, you're very welcome to stay for dinner," Tomohisa's mum said some time later.

"Thank you, Yamashita-san, but I should be getting home."

Tomohisa stood up from the sofa.  "I'll walk you to the train station."

"You don't know the way, Ikuta-kun?" Rina asked sweetly.

"Rina," Tomohisa grit between his teeth.

"I'm just saying that you've never had to show Ikuta-kun to the station before, big brother."  Her expression was one of pure innocence, but her brother glared at her, knowing better. 

Toma had trouble keeping a straight face.  It seemed that the closeness, the comfort of a while ago had already been forgotten; they were acting like real siblings again, teasing and annoying each other.

"Rina, stop teasing your brother," their mother told them.  "Niichan, go walk Ikuta-kun to the station."

"Like a good boyfriend," Rina muttered under her breath. 

Toma cast a quick, worried look in Yamashita-san's direction, but either she hadn't heard what her daughter said or wasn't particularly shocked by it.  He couldn't help wondering how much she did know, how much he would still be welcome once she did. 

------

Ryo yelped when Yamapi's hand came into less than gentle contact with the back of his head.  "What the hell was that for?"

"For not keeping your big mouth shut."

Ryo smiled sheepishly.  "How was I to know that Akanishi, your supposedly best friend forever by the way, didn't know?"

Well, that was true, he supposed.  "So not the point!" he told Ryo.  "You can't just go blabber our secret around like it's..."  He stopped talking when he saw that he'd already lost Nishikido's attention.  "Nishikido-kun?" he said, trying to project as much 'leader' weightiness into his voice as possible.  Apparently that wasn't a lot, because Ryo paid him no mind at all, just kept on staring at whatever it was that had him so spellbound.  Curious, Yamapi followed his gaze, turned back to Ryo with a frown.  It was just Kataoka, watching the proceedings from a corner of the room.

"Doesn't he creep you out?" Ryo suddenly asked.  "Every time I turn around he's staring at you."  Was he?  Yamapi couldn't say that he'd noticed.  "At first I thought he was just another dirty old man with the hots for you..."

"Ryo!" Yamapi interrupted him, skeeved out, but Ryo just kept going.

"But it's not that at all.  I just can't put my finger on it."

Exasperated, Yamapi shook his head.  "Yeah, well, until you figure it out, don't bother me with it.  And while you're at it, stay out of my personal life."  He wasn't in the least surprised when Ryo ignored him completely.

------

The incident with Tomo's sister was only the first indication of the fans' displeasure.  To two horny teenagers in love, though, that wasn't the part that seemed most important.  No, finding a place where they could go beyond a grope and a make out without being interrupted by younger siblings or parents was much higher on their list of priorities.

"Tomohisa, are you sleeping over?" 

The question was asked quite casually as the two of them passed the living room on their way up the stairs.  Freezing in their path, Toma shot a quick look at Tomohisa, who looked back at him with a startled expression.  Toma retraced his steps; from the doorway he took a peek into the living room.  His mum was on the sofa, leafing through a magazine.  She didn't even look up.

"If it's not too much of a burden, Ikuta-san," Tomohisa said from behind Toma.

This made his mum finally look up.  "Of course not, sweetie," she said, smiling warmly at Tomo.  "Make sure your mum's OK with it though.  Toma, you know where the futon is."  Whatever she was thinking, whatever she was suspecting, her expression wasn't giving her away at all.  It was making Toma extremely uneasy.

"Yes, mum," he replied dutifully.

"Was it a good movie?" she asked.

Toma tried very hard not to blush.  To give his verdict on the movie he'd have to have seen at least most of it; he and Tomohisa had been too busy making out to follow the plot.  He snapped out of it when Tomo hit the back of his hand hard into his upper arm. 

"It was OK," he said, pulling a pained face at Tomohisa.

"That's nice," his mum said, returning her attention to her magazine.  "Don't stay up too late talking, boys."

Was Toma imagining it or did she put a particular emphasis on the word 'talking'?  He and Tomo shared another questioning look, but then, as if on silent agreement, they shrugged, retreated and hurried up the stairs to Toma's room.

It wasn't too long before they were entangled together on Toma's bed.  They didn't mean to start anything, but then they never did.  It would start with a kiss, a fondle and before too long they were in full-blown make out mode, rolling around on Toma's bed, rubbing against each other, trying every position until they found the one that worked for them.

He supposed he could have stopped Tomohisa when he started unbuttoning Toma's jeans and his hand found its way inside, but god, it felt so good, it sent all rational thought out of his head.  Toma sucked in a breath as Tomo's hand pumped his cock carefully, but also with a thoroughness that made him slightly suspicious as to just how experienced Tomo was with boys.

"Mmmm," Tomohisa mumbled against his neck, "this is much easier with a boy."

Could Tomo read his mind now?  At least the part that could still think clearly.  "Eh?" he replied eloquently.  Even that much took effort.

"No guessing what feels good.  I know what feels good."

He sounded smug and rightly so.  He was reducing Toma to a brainless puddle of goo.

Determined to show Tomohisa that two could play at that game, Toma gathered the few brain cells that hadn't leaked out of his ears yet and pulled Tomo to him to claim his mouth.  He smiled in victory as Tomohisa groaned into their kiss and settled between Toma's thighs.  Oh yes, that was it, the perfect position, the one that had already become one of their favourites.

Their kisses grew more heated as they ground against each other, the friction feeling fantastic.  Toma's hands slid underneath Tomo's shirt, a shiver running through him as his palms ran across hot naked skin.  Through the lust fogging up his brain something registered in the back of Toma's head, something that made him frown in spite of the pleasure coursing through him.  He could feel ribs underneath his fingers.  Just how much weight had Tomo lost in the last few weeks?

He hated that he couldn't be there to watch over Tomo anymore, but he wasn't going to let it ruin this moment for him.  Pushing those thoughts to the back of his head, he concentrated on what he did have: Tomo on top of him, both of them on the brink of getting each other off for the first time.  Oh, yes, right there, that was so good...

"Toma, I need you to run to the store for me!"

His mum's voice at the bottom of the stairs was as effective as throwing a bucket of cold water over the both of them.  Sucking air hard through his teeth, Toma threw his head back, balled his fists hard in an effort not to dig them into Tomo. 

"Shit shit shit," he swore silently under his breath.

"Toma?" his mother called again when there was no answer.

He hoped he didn't sound too breathless when he replied: "We'll be right there, mum!"

He looked at Tomo, who'd stilled above him, his face twisted in what looked like pain.  Collapsing onto Toma, he buried his face in Toma's neck.

"Your mum is a sweetheart," he said, still breathing hard, "but she has the worst timing."

------

What was this thing, Yamapi wondered with stunned incomprehension.  He'd known Toma for years and yet he'd never been so hypersensitive of his presence.  Even now, as they were walking back from the store, they were so close that their fingers kept brushing against each other.  Never accidentally, of course.  They just kept getting pulled together like magnets; their fingers would entwine for a moment, then they'd remember who and where they were and they would let go.  But again and again they would be drawn back together.  It was breathtaking and puzzling at the same time.

They were so caught up in each other they didn't spot the danger until it was too late.  She was only Toma's neighbour, after all; Yamapi had talked to the girl on several occasions.  Those first few times she'd giggled self-consciously, but lately she'd been able to string a few words together in Yamapi's presence.

That's why neither of them paid her any special attention as she was walking towards them, but when her path crossed theirs, all hell broke loose.

The first thing Yamapi was aware of was something hitting him straight in his eye.  Crying out in pain, he squeezed both his eyes shut and so couldn't see what happened.

"What the hell, bitch?" he heard Toma yell, as his shopping fell to the ground in a clang of broken bottles.  Even without his vision, Yamapi could tell Toma had put himself between her and Yamapi, blocking off her path to him.

"But Toma-kun," she sputtered, clearly taken aback by how furious Toma sounded and no doubt looked, "he thinks he's too good for you, for Four Tops."

Yamapi's heart sank.  God, not that again?

His eyes still squeezed shut, he could feel Toma's hands gripping his upper arms.  "Tomohisa," he said, his voice tight with worry, "can you open your eyes?"

He tried.  At least it felt less painful to do so, even though his vision was still a blur.  "What happened?"

"She spat in your eye," Toma practically grit through his teeth.

"What?  Why?"  He knew why, but he was too stunned to take it in.

"Toma-kun...," she tried again.

"Go home, Aki!  We'll talk about this some other time when I'm not this pissed off," Toma replied, without taking his eyes off Yamapi. 

His vision was slowly unblurring.  It wasn't such a big deal.

"Let her be," he said, hearing the tonelessness that had crept into his voice, "it's not a big deal."

Something so hard and furious flashed across Toma's expression that for a moment Yamapi wished his vision could go blurry again.  "Don't you do that Yamashita thing!" he snapped.  "Don't you dare!"

Yamapi recoiled in horror.  The what?  The Yamashita thing?  What was the Yamashita thing?   

Whatever it was he had caught in Toma's eyes, the next moment it was gone.  Toma's expression softened; it fact he looked guilty as hell as he used his grip on Yamapi's arms to push him under a street light.  Tilting Yamapi's face into the light, he carefully dapped at his eye with a handkerchief.  How he managed to look into Yamapi's eye and yet avoid all eye contact at the same time was a feat of extraordinary doing.

"The Yamashita thing?" he asked quietly, watching Toma's face closely.  Toma cringed at the words.  "What is it about me that you hate so much?"

"Not now, Tomo-chan," Toma said; his voice sounded broken.  "Please, not now."

His heart felt heavy as he nodded.  Not now.  He could do that.  In fact, he wasn't so sure he wanted to know at all.

------

This was the lowest Toma had ever felt in his entire life.  It had even knocked that moment in Johnny-san's office, when they'd been told about NEWS, out of its top position, something that until this moment Toma would never have dreamed possible.

Yet, here he was lying in his bed, his face turned to the wall, hating himself.  Even though the futon was spread out right there next to his bed, it felt like Tomohisa was on the other side of the planet.

They'd hardly spoken all evening.  Toma's mum had made sure that Tomohisa's eye wouldn't need medical attention and then they'd retired to bed.  Maybe she'd sensed that something had happened between them - mums were good at that - because she hadn't pried, just let them work it out themselves.  Of course they hadn't, because they were boys and teenagers, and thus stupid in duplicate.

It had always been his biggest fear, that one day he'd blurt out the truth and now he had.  Would Tomohisa ever forgive him?  He hadn't gone home.  That was a good sign, right?

He held his breath as he heard a rustling sound behind him.  Was Tomohisa feeling as miserable as he was?

And then the bed dipped.  Toma's heart beat in his throat; he didn't dare move.  When he felt the warmth all along his back, the arms snaking around his waist and the lips on the back of his neck, he released the breath he'd been holding in a long sigh of relief.

Oh, thank god, he thought, as he grabbed Tomohisa's hands and pressed them against his chest.

"I'm sorry," Tomohisa whispered, his breath raising goosebumps along Toma's neck.  He shook his head, wanted to tell him that he was the one who should be sorry, but Tomohisa didn't let him get a word in.  "I can't know what it is about me that makes you so angry, if you don't tell me."

Toma took a deep breath.  Part of him wanted to turn around, face Tomo, but he knew that he wouldn't be able to say this if he did.  

"I've seen you do it a million times and I know why you do it, Tomo, but I still hate it with every fibre of my being."

"What, Toma?" Tomohisa sounded like he was close to tears.  

"I can see it happening.  The walls slam down, your face loses all expression and you shut down completely.  I know why you do it.  It's a defence mechanism.  If you don't have to deal with it, you don't have to feel it."  Behind him, Tomohisa gasped.  What did the kid think?  That in all those years they'd spent together, Toma hadn't been paying attention, hadn't learned a thing or two about what made him tick?  "But god, it hurts so much when you shut me out along with everything else."

He felt something wet in his neck and gasped when he realised they were Tomohisa's tears.  

"I never mean to shut you out, Toma."

Something was squeezing Toma's throat closed.  "I know," he sighed, felt his own tears stinging behind his eyes.  "That's why I've never said anything, but Tomo..."  His resolve shattered and he turned around, gasped again when he could make out Tomohisa's devastated expression in the dimly lit room.  "... but Tomo," he continued, "if you won't even let me in, what kind of future do we have?"

Tomohisa pulled him closer, buried his face in Toma's neck.  "What if I try harder?  What if I promise I won't shut you out again?"

Toma kissed the top of his head.  "It'll still happen," he said softly, rushing along when he heard Tomohisa's stifled sob, "but it means the world to me that you'll try."

There was a long silence, one in which they just held each other.  Then a soft, almost whispered confession that took Toma's breath away.

"I love you."

It was the first time Tomohisa said the actual words.  Something tight inside Toma uncurled; his heart exploded all over the place, as he pulled Tomohisa tightly against him.

They lay like that for quite a while.  Just as Toma could feel himself falling asleep, he felt Tomohisa move out of his embrace.  Almost automatically, Toma tightened his hold on him.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to my futon," Tomohisa said, though he'd stopped struggling and was snuggling back into Toma's arms.  "What if your mum wakes us up tomorrow and finds us like this?"

Toma smiled.  "If that's what you're worried about, you don't have to go anywhere.  She already knows."  Tomohisa pulled back far enough to give him a stunned look.  "She's my mum," Toma clarified with a smile, "you think she doesn't know what's going on with me?"

"And she's fine with us spending the night together like this?" Tomohisa asked incredulously.

"What?" Toma grinned.  "You're going to get me pregnant?"

Grimacing with exasperation, Tomohisa hit him lightly upside the head.  "Can you be serious for once?"

"No," he stated firmly.  Sobering, he leaned in to kiss Tomohisa softly.  "Go to sleep, Tomo-chan."  His heart soaring, he smiled as Tomohisa settled into his arms and did just that.

------

Watching the hustle and bustle of the Ikutas at breakfast, Yamapi smiled.  It wasn't the first time he sat at their table, but it was the first time he was really paying attention.  This is why, he thought, taking in the loud voices, the laughter.  This is why Toma grew up the way he did: open and talkative and always ready with a smile.

As he looked at Toma's mum, he was suddenly overcome with an urge to hug her, thank her for making someone as perfect as Toma, someone who filled in all the empty gaps in Yamapi's life.

"Is there anything wrong, Tomohisa?" she asked.  

Yamapi found both Toma and his mum's attention on him.  Had he spaced out again?  Been caught staring?  

I love Toma.  That's what he really wanted to say.  Now that he'd said the words, he never wanted to stop.  Instead he said: "Why don't you ever call me Yamapi?  Everyone else does."

Toma's mum frowned.  "Why on earth, though?  When you have such a beautiful name.  There's nothing a parent puts more thought into than how they name their child."

Toma snorted.  "Yeah, right, that's why you keep telling everyone that you named me Toma because it was short and easy to remember."

"I see you've stopped calling him Yamapi too," his mum pointed out, which made Toma duck his head.

"Aniki!" Toma's brother yelped, "you've turned all pink!"

"Shut up, shrimp!" If at all possible, Toma turned an even brighter colour.

It occurred to Yamapi that siblings teasing each other was much funnier when one was watching it from the outside.  Curious as to a reaction, he turned to Toma's mum, but she was giving her oldest son a fond smile.  Just how much did she know about him and Toma?

"So, what are the plans for today?" she asked, deftly changing the topic and saving Toma further embarrassment.

Toma gave her a grateful smile and seemed only too eager to have the topic changed.  His smile grew to huge proportions as he tilted his head towards Yamapi.  "Tell her," he urged.

Feeling put on the spot, Yamapi ducked his head.  "She doesn't care what I'm up to," he hissed with embarrassment.

"Of course I do," Toma's mum immediately contradicted him.  "You're still Toma's friend, aren't you?"

"Best friend," Toma added resolutely. 

"Well, exactly," his mum continued, with a firm nod.  "That hasn't changed."  She turned to him with an expectant look.

"NEWS are the guests on Domoto Kyoudai," he said in a soft voice.  He didn't want to talk about NEWS with Toma's mum.  What if she blamed him, just like that girl had done the day before?  Besides, it didn't mean anything.  It wasn't a big deal. 

As soon as the words popped into his head, he knew what he was doing.  He was doing "the Yamashita thing" again.  Appalled, he turned towards Toma, his eyes huge, pleading for forgiveness.

Toma, though, was watching him with a brightness in his eyes that was almost blinding.  If his mum didn't know before, she definitely did now.  Yamapi was too preoccupied smiling back goofily to take any notice of her reaction.  Toma knew.  That was what was important. 

"And you, Niichan?"

It seemed to take an effort for Toma to drag his attention away from Yamapi.  "Uh, what?"  He blinked, as his mum looked at him with a hint of disapproval.  "Uh, sorry, mum.  I've nothing today, so I thought I'd go with Tomo to the studio and hang around a bit."

They were almost out the door when Toma remembered he'd forgotten his cell phone in his room.  As he ran upstairs to get it, Yamapi was left behind with Toma's mum, Ryuusei having left for school some time earlier.

"Come here a moment, Tomohisa," she said.

A sudden panic took hold of him.  Was this it?  Had she waited until Toma had left the room to tell Yamapi that she didn't approve of their relationship after all?  He held his breath as he went towards her, released it when she held his chin and looked at the eye that the neighbour girl had spit into.  "That doesn't seem to have suffered too much.  I can't imagine what Aki-chan was thinking."  She smiled apologetically at Yamapi.  "Don't be too hard on her.  She's a big Four Tops fan.  "

With Ikuta-san looking at him like that, with the warmth in her eyes that reminded him so much of Toma, he blurted it out without even thinking about it: "I love Toma."  As soon as it was out of his mouth, he gave her a sheepish look.

She didn't seem at all surprised, but smiled at him sadly.  "I know, sweetie."  She sighed.  "I'm a bit biased, what with being his mum and all, but it's difficult not to, isn't it?"

Yamapi nodded and tried to smile back, but he honestly couldn't decide what to make of her reaction.  He wondered what was keeping Toma.

------

Any other time he might have felt embarrassed about skipping up the stairs, but right now he was so happy he didn't care how it looked.  He'd seen it happening right there in front of his eyes.  The walls had slammed down - for a moment Toma's heart had plummeted, just like it always did when Tomo froze him out - but then, the most amazing thing ever happened.  Tomohisa seemed to realise what he was doing, locked his eyes with Toma's and pulled the walls back up himself.

It had taken everything in Toma not to reach across the table and kiss the stuffing out of him.  He would do as soon as he got a chance, though.  Tomo needed to know how much it had meant to him, how proud Toma was of him.

He was still grinning as he dashed into his room and picked up his cell phone where he'd left it on his nightstand.  As he glanced at it quickly before putting it into his pocket, he noticed that there was an incoming text message.  Might as well check it, he supposed. 

It was a text message with a photo attached.  Perhaps Kazapon had caught Hasejun with his pants down again and was sending him the hilarious proof.  Already grinning at the prospect, he opened the photo.

As it loaded, all laughter drained out of Toma's mind.  His legs felt weak. His heart beating wildly, he lowered himself slowly onto the edge of his bed.

The photo was of him and Tomohisa, taken only last night.  Toma was tenderly cradling Tomo's face in his hands.  He was only trying to look into his eye, but their faces were so close, it didn't take much imagination to picture them leaning in to kiss each other.  And of course they would be standing right underneath the streetlamp so their faces were clearly lit and easily recognisable.

This was bad.  Really bad.  If this photo got in the wrong hands, it would stir up a hornet's nest.  Where did this photo even come from?  He checked the text message, but it was anonymous. 

And that's when he remembered that other anonymous text.  He hadn't spared it another thought, dismissed it as a prank call, but now he realised the two must be connected.  He quickly flipped through all the texts he'd received in the last few days, relieved to see that he hadn't deleted it.  He opened it and reread it, paying much closer attention to the message this time.

It read: "You're being watched."

Toma snorted with contempt.  There was no doubt that they were being watched.  He had the proof right here on his cell phone, in the form of that photo. 

Johnny, Toma thought, his mood swinging to furious instantly.  It had to be Johnny!  Who else could it be?  Who else had made not so veiled threats to Toma to leave Tomohisa alone?  If he thought he was going to get away with it, he had another think coming.  They would just have to be extra careful in public.

His face twisted in determination, Toma slipped the phone into his pocket.

------

Something had changed.  Yamapi had no idea what had happened, but Toma went up the stairs grinning like an idiot and came down looking grave and upset.

"Let's go," he said, trying his best to smile brightly, but Yamapi could tell there was something bothering him.  He watched Toma anxiously as he said goodbye to his mum and she saw them off with a: "Take care!"

"What's wrong?" he asked, as they walked side by side towards the train station.

Toma waved his hand back and forth, but didn't look at him.  "Nothing's wrong."

But there was, and the more time passed, the more worried Yamapi became.  Oh, Toma was still being Toma: laughing and joking and grinning, trying to get Yamapi to laugh by impersonating Domoto Tsuyoshi interviewing him, and if it hadn't been for certain details missing in his performance Yamapi might have fallen for it, might have believed that he'd imagined it.  Toma was a good actor, but he wasn't a good faker.  He kept giving himself away.

For one thing, Toma seemed to have grown intolerant of Yamapi's presence.  Whenever Yamapi took a step closer, Toma took a step away.  At one point, when he was sure there was no one but the two of them around, he tried to take Toma's hand, desperate for that connection.  Their fingers briefly entwined and Yamapi's heart leaped, but then Toma not only let go, he practically flicked Yamapi's hand away.

Hurt, Yamapi bit his lip hard and stuffed the wounded hand deep into his jeans' pocket.  Was this still about "the Yamashita thing"?  Hadn't they talked that out the previous night?  Hadn't Toma seen how much effort he'd put into not doing it this morning? 

Things didn't get much better once they were on the train.  Though seated beside each other, there was no comfort in pressing his thigh against Toma's the way he'd become used to.  No, every time Yamapi came too close, Toma scooted further away on the seat.  After a while, Yamapi just stopped trying.  He couldn't help wondering why Toma had wanted to come to the studio with him if he didn't even want to be around Yamapi.

He could barely believe it himself, but it was almost a relief when they reached the television studio.  Whereas he thought it would be hard to say goodbye to Toma, now he just wanted to get away.

"Yamashita Tomohisa," he announced himself to the front desk, "I'm with NEWS."  He almost got a perverse pleasure out of saying those words with Toma standing right there beside him.  Serves him right, Yamapi thought bitterly, for keeping things from me, pretending everything's fine when it obviously isn't, and then immediately hated himself for even thinking it.

Horrified, he turned to Toma, only half-hearing the directions the receptionist was giving him.  He wanted things to be right between them again, but he had no idea how to make them right.  How could he, when he didn't even know what was wrong?

If Toma could sense what he was thinking, if he blamed him at all, he wasn't showing it.  He simply smiled at Yamapi.  "So I'll leave you to join your band mates then."

Even that made Yamapi cringe.  "And you?" he asked.

Toma grinned.  "I'll be fine.  I'll hang about a bit.  See you after the interview."

"OK."  Man, this was awkward.  "See you later?"

"Definitely," Toma promised.  "Have a good time!"

Yamapi started to walk away, his feet on automatic pilot.  That didn't just happen, did it?  It wasn't possible that things had gone from sleeping in each other's arms all night to saying awkward goodbyes in the space of a few hours? 

"Good morning!" several cheerful voices called out as he walked into NEWS' green room.

"Good morning," he greeted back unenthusiastically, instantly gravitating towards the corner of the room.  He dropped his bag beside an empty chair and plopped himself onto the chair like a lifeless bag of grain. 

This apathy was exactly what the rest of NEWS had come to expect of him; they didn't even look surprised as he fished his earplugs out of his pocket and prepared to immerse himself into his own world, one that didn't involve any of the people in this room.  The thing was, it surprised Yamapi himself.  Not only had the atmosphere within NEWS thawed considerably lately, but just this morning he'd been excited about this interview.  Not in the least because it would be conducted by the Kinki Kids, the very band Yamapi had made his first television appearances with, the sempai he still held in the highest regard. 

Stupid Toma, he thought sullenly.  Why did he have to go ruin the whole day for him? 

He had one hand up to his ear, putting in his earplug, the other hand moving towards his other ear, when he saw Nishikido come towards him, his expression giving away his annoyance.  Oh, this should be good.

"What?" he asked, hearing the petulance in his voice and not caring.  He didn't even bother taking out the earplug already in his ear.

"What are you moping about now?" Ryo asked without preamble.  He lowered his voice for the next part.  "I thought now you're getting some you would at least lighten up a bit!"

Knowing how well Ryo could read him, Yamapi broke eye-contact.  That alone seemed to say more than words could.

"Oh, for god's sake!"  Ryo rolled his eyes.  "You two are like a frigging drama.  What is it this time?"

A familiar voice saved Yamapi from replying.  "Excuse me for intruding."  Yamapi's heart leaped as he spun around.  Toma stood in the doorway, grinning at the NEWS members, nodding a good morning to each.  Then his eyes found Yamapi; the warmth in them intensified as his smile grew.  "Yamashita-san, do you have a moment?"

"Yes!" he said, jumping up eagerly.  He yanked the earplug from his ear and stuffed his mp3 player back into his pocket.  From the corner of his eye he could see Ryo roll his eyes again, but he didn't care.  He just wanted a chance to start this morning all over again, to wipe all of the awkwardness between him and Toma from his memory.

"If you were a puppy, you'd be wagging your tail," Ryo shot after him, as Yamapi did his best not to bounce out of the door behind Toma and prove Ryo right.  "Come to think of it, I think you are..."

At the door, Yamapi turned sharply and fixed Ryo with a warning glare.  Laughing, Ryo held up his hands and mercifully stopped talking.  Toma was already ahead of him in the corridor and he ran a few steps to catch up. 

"Toma, what's going on?" he asked, when he was walking beside him, but Toma didn't reply, just kept walking.  Shit, if it was just to pick up where they'd left off, Yamapi would rather just turn around and return to the NEWS' green room.  At least he was used to NEWS being cold to him; it didn't cut him to the bone.

"In here."

Yamapi startled at Toma's words, was surprised to see him in the doorway of an empty dressing room.  Still wondering what this was all about, he entered the room, gave Toma, who was still in the doorway, a puzzled look in passing. 

Toma let him pass, closed the door behind them and even locked it.  Completely lost, Yamapi stood there in the middle of the room, staring at Toma.

"Wha..." 

He never got any further.  The next words were swallowed in a searing kiss, Toma having rushed at him, grabbed his face in both hands and pulled it to his.  Yamapi stopped thinking, stopped worrying what it all meant, just wrapped his arms around Toma and pulled him close, closer still, his fingers twisting in Toma's jacket as he kissed him back with everything inside him.

There were things he wanted to say, questions he wanted to ask, but he just didn't get a chance to get any words out.  One kiss lead into another and another, as if Toma was trying so say everything he needed to say with his mouth and tongue.  Which was just fine, as far as Yamapi was concerned.  He wasn't very good with words anyway.

Some time later Toma was still cradling Yamapi's face in his hands and his lips were still close to Yamapi's mouth as he said fervently.  "I couldn't go with things between us like that."

"I thought you were mad at me," Yamapi said, allowing his insecurity to show.  Surely Toma must know how much it cost him to do so?

Toma's face twisted in pain and he kissed Yamapi again, quickly and thoroughly.  "Oh, god, no," he said, "I'm so proud of you, Tomo.  So very proud."

"You saw, didn't you?"

Toma understood what he was referring to - of course, he did - and nodded sharply, his expression still so pained.  "I saw.  I saw.  And I've been dying to do this ever since," he said, just before he dived in for another kiss.  It was starting to make Yamapi's head spin, and a few other body parts take notice.

"Mm, Toma," he mumbled into Toma's mouth.  His hands had somehow found their way underneath Toma's shirt; Yamapi smiled when his hands trailed across Toma's back, causing him to groan into their kiss.  "What is it with you and dressing rooms?  Do they make you horny or something?"

"No," Toma said, grinning at him, "you do quite a good job of that all by yourself, thank you."  His hands had fallen from Yamapi's face to the small of his back and he used them to pull the two of them even closer together.  They were both hard. 

"You," he said, swallowing hard, putting his face in Toma's neck, breathing him in deeply, "I need you naked real soon, Toma.  Seriously.  This isn't funny anymore."

"I know."  Toma turned his head to plant kisses all along Yamapi's jaw and into his hair.  "I'm going to find us some privacy if it's the last thing I do."

"Not the last thing you do, I hope."  He giggled, suddenly giddy with happiness.  His phone started buzzing in his pocket, but he ignored it, too busy kissing Toma and clawing at him, trying to get as close as possible while vertical and fully dressed.  His phone kept insisting though.

"Probably your manager," Toma pointed out between kisses.

Oh, fuck, right!  He was supposed to do a television interview, wasn't he?  With panic sweeping through him, it suddenly felt a lot easier to tear himself away from Toma.  He inspected his reflection in the mirror.  Shit, this was bad.  His clothes were all askew, his hair stood up in every direction where Toma's fingers had been busy and his mouth, god...  He leaned a little closer to the mirror, ran a finger across his lips.  Behind him in the mirror, Toma was laughing.

"Oh, sure, you can laugh," Yamapi grumbled, frantically trying to smooth down his hair, though he was feeling anything but annoyed.  In fact, he was struggling not to laugh himself, as Toma could very well see.  "You're not expected in a TV studio in five minutes.  Why don't you stamp "ravished by Ikuta" on my forehead next time and save us both a lot of time and energy."

"I was quite enjoying expelling that energy," Toma said, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around Yamapi. 

God, now Toma was hard against his backside and that wasn't doing anything to calm him down.  His heart rate was speeding up even more.  What would it feel like, he found himself thinking, his breathing growing laboured just contemplating the possibilities.

"Toma," he wanted to beg, but it came out as nonsensical moaning.  Toma kissing the back of his neck didn't help matters either.  "Toma, please," he finally managed, "you're not helping."

Regret written across his face, Toma let go and took a few steps back.  Yamapi took the opportunity to escape, before temptation could get the better of him again.  At the door he turned around. 

"Find us some privacy," he told Toma, who nodded at him.  "I'll see what I can do.  Because if I don't have my way with you soon I'm going to explode."

"I'll..."  Toma had to clear his throat before he could continue.  "I'll do my best."

Yamapi blew a kiss and fled out the door.  His cell phone was still beeping.  "Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," he breathed into the phone.  He had about a hundred metres of corridor to get his libido under control.  He could already imagine what Nishikido would have to say if he walked into the green room in this flushed state.

------

"I'm so pissed off I'm going to do something really stupid!"

Standing in his bedroom doorway, Jimmy stared at him.  Toma, who'd just been let into the house by Jimmy's mum, hadn't even let him say a good morning.  "Define stupid," he asked.

"Tell Johnny where he can stick it?"

Jimmy's expression turned from surprised to worried.  "OK, that is really stupid.  You'd better come in and tell me what this is all about."

Toma did as bid, swivelled Jimmy's desk chair around and sat down.  He hadn't even thought about what he would tell Jimmy.  He'd just needed to talk to someone and had found himself on Jimmy's doorstep without even thinking about it.

Now that he was here, as he watched Jimmy sit down on the edge of his bed and look at him with concern and curiosity, he was starting to reconsider the brightness of his plan.  If he took Jimmy into his confidence he would have to end up telling him everything.

"Is this about Yamapi?" Jimmy asked, when Toma didn't offer any opening to the conversation.  Toma tried not to let his expression betray his surprise.  Not quite successfully it would seem, because Jimmy smiled.  "What else would it be about?  Look, I know it hurts now, but it's only temporary..."

Toma shook his head impatiently, halting Jimmy's words.  "It's not about Yamashita being pulled from Four Tops.  Well, it is, but that's only the start of it."

Jimmy couldn't hide his confusion.  Toma sighed, pulled the cell phone from his pocket, called up the incriminating photo and shoved it at Jimmy.  As he took the cell phone from Toma and looked at the photo, Jimmy's eyes widened.

"Toma," he breathed, "you do know what this looks like?"

"I was only getting something out of his eye!"  Toma frowned, wondering why he was denying something that was in fact true. 

Jimmy looked up from the photo, gazed at Toma with a stunned expression on his face.  "That's not what it looks like, mate.  Are you and Yamapi...?"

He knew that a goofy grin was appearing on his face, but he couldn't seem to stop it; he was too in love to hide it.

Jimmy looked surprised for a moment, but then he grinned too.  "Finally, huh?"  He laughed when Toma gave him an incredulous look.  "I sat at that table too, Toma," he said, shaking his head.  "I can't even begin to count the times you two would look over and get so lost in each other you completely forgot there was a television show happening around you."

OK, so Toma knew that he got caught on camera a few times, but...  "Yamashita too?" 

"Oh, yes," Jimmy said with a huge grin.  "I doubt he was aware of it himself, but there were times when he looked at you with such a love-sick puppy face.  I can't believe you never noticed."

Maybe he hadn't noticed, but Johnny-san sure had.  Maybe, he suddenly realised, if they'd been a bit more careful, all of this could have been avoided; Johnny might not have found it necessary to break them up. 

Toma shook his head.  No, he couldn't start thinking like that.  If they'd been better at hiding their feelings, they might never have found each other and that thought was more than Toma could bear.

"So this," Jimmy said, pulling him out of his thoughts, "is precisely what it looks like."

Toma looked up to find Jimmy holding up the cell phone.  He pulled a face.  "I honestly was just getting something out of his eye, but yeah..."  He smiled sheepishly.  "I can't pretend it's all innocent between Yamashita and me." 

"And Johnny fits into this how?"

Toma shrugged.  "I don't even know who sent me that photo.  I just keep getting anonymous text messages, saying that we're being watched."

Jimmy gave him an incredulous look.  "No demands to expose you?"  Toma shook his head.  "It's not the paparazzi?"

"They would just sell the photo to the highest bidder.  The first we'd see of it is when it appears in some trashy magazine."

"So this is a warning?" Jimmy asked.

"Or a threat."  As Jimmy's eyes widened, Toma realised that he would have to tell him everything.  "Johnny has told me in no uncertain terms that if I don't leave Yamashita alone I can kiss my career goodbye."

Jimmy was just staring at him now, his mouth open inelegantly.  "You're shitting me!" he burst out when he'd finally regained his voice.  "What does Yamapi say?"

Toma grimaced.  "I haven't told him."

"Toma!"  Jimmy jumped up, but then didn't seem to know where to go with the movement.  Putting both of his hands on top of his head, he blew out a helpless breath and sank back onto his bed.  He gave Toma a stern look before he said what Toma feared he would.  "You have to tell Yamapi."

"And then what?"  All his frustration seemed to explode out of him.  It wasn't fair that he was taking it out on Jimmy, he knew that, but he couldn't seem to help himself.  "You know what he's like!  Who says he won't break up with me because he doesn't want to damage my career?"

"Oh, god," Jimmy breathed, his face one of sudden revelation.  What?  What had he said?  What did Jimmy think he'd figured out?  "You blame Yamapi!"

"What?!"  This time it was Toma who jumped up from his chair in utter shock.  He stared hard at Jimmy, but the other boy didn't back down.

"You think he should have fought harder for Four Tops.  You're afraid he's not going to fight for the two of you."

"That is bull shit!"  Toma turned his back on Jimmy, couldn't even look him in the eye anymore.  But even as the words came out of his mouth, he wondered how hard Jimmy had hit the nail on the head and that's when he noticed that he was trembling.  He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Toma," Jimmy said carefully, coming around to face him, "I know you love Yamashita.  Hell, I think all of Johnny's know it."  Toma flashed him a quick 'that doesn't make me feel better' grimace that made Jimmy grin.  "Nobody, especially not Yamapi, will blame you if you harbour a negative thought or two about him.  You're only human."

"I don't blame Tomo, I really don't," he all but begged Jimmy to believe him.

"Even if you did just a tiny bit, we understand.  Yamapi would even understand."  Jimmy smiled, as Toma shook his head, refusing to even consider the notion.  "But you have to tell him, Toma.  Johnny has the power to carry through on his threats.  Will you risk your career for Yamapi?"

Something fierce shot through Toma's insides, made him glare at Jimmy. "My heart or my career?  That's an easy choice."

Jimmy gave Toma an impressed look.  "Wow!  You really mean it, don't you?"

Toma grinned, ducked his head self-consciously. 

"Tell him, Toma," Jimmy insisted once again.

He knew Jimmy was right.  It was abundantly obvious that he had to tell Tomohisa.  Just trying to keep a safe distance between them this morning had confused Tomo so much that things had become fantastically awkward between them.  Toma never wanted to experience that feeling ever again. 

And yet, what frightened him most was that perhaps Jimmy was right about that other thing too.  Maybe he hadn't told Tomo because he was secretly afraid that Tomo would choose his career over them.  And the thought that he didn't trust Tomohisa scared him more than he could put into words.

"It'll be all right, Toma, you'll see.  And Toma," he added with a grin in his voice that made Toma look at him.  "I really am happy for you both."

Right, Toma told himself, as he left Jimmy's house and started making his way back towards the TV studio to meet Tomohisa.  He could do this.  He could face the big rollercoaster and not curl up into a ball of scaredy cat.  He had ridden it in the end, hadn't he?

His cell phone started ringing; Toma grinned as he recognised the ringtone.

"Hey," he said into the phone.  Though he was happy to hear from Tomohisa, there was a feeling of trepidation running underneath as well.  In his mind he'd committed himself to telling Tomohisa everything and even just talking to him on the phone like this was already making him nervous for the eventual confrontation.  "I'm on my way to the Fuji studio right now.  Are you done with the interview?"

"Toma?"  The voice on the other side was so hesitant, Toma already knew he wasn't going to like what Tomo had to say.  "Please don't be mad at me."

Toma stopped walking, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  "What is it?"

"Domoto-sempai has invited me to dinner," he said in a soft voice, immediately followed by a rushed: "I can't say no!"

It's started already, a relentless voice said in the back of his mind.  Toma told it firmly to go to hell.  "Of course you can't," he replied reasonably, "you can't turn down a sempai's invitation."

"Well, exactly.  You're not mad at me, are you?"

"Tomo, we'll have plenty of nights together."  He felt a lightness in his heart just realising how much he knew it to be true.  To hell with doubts, he thought, suddenly smiling. 

"Thanks, Toma.  Is it OK if I call you later tonight?"

"I will be mad if you don't."

"Talk to you later then!"

As he said his goodbyes and closed the call, Toma found himself grinning.  It would be OK, just like Jimmy said it would.  He wouldn't be feeling this good if he didn't believe that.

Or you're just relieved that you can postpone the confrontation for another day, that voice spoke up again.  Toma stubbornly ignored it.

------

Thank god he had a friend who worked security at the Fuji television studios.  The thought of these tapes getting in the wrong hands sent shivers down his spine. 

Kataoka rested his chin on his index fingers as he watched the footage that came out of that one dressing room, shaking his head at the foolish recklessness of these two young people.  Of course he understood what it was like to be eighteen and in love, but Yamashita and Ikuta should know better.  They were first and foremost idols; they couldn't behave like normal teenagers.  Everything they did came under closer scrutiny. 

On his TV screen Yamashita's fingers dug into Ikuta's back, pulling him close as their kiss heated up.  Angry with himself, feeling like he was a dirty voyeur, Kataoka clicked off the TV.  A moment later, the front door slammed shut.

"I'm home."

"Welcome back," he called out, quickly marching to the DVD player to snatch out the DVD, but she ignored the living room, went straight to the kitchen with her groceries.  Lost in thought, he stood there, turning the DVD over in his hands.  This here was power.  He needed to use it wisely.

------

When Yamapi cancelled on Toma to have dinner with Tsuyoshi he honestly thought he'd be seeing Toma the next day anyway, but with school (Yamapi) and rehearsals for Shounen Club (Toma) it was actually several days later when they saw each other again.  And to make it even more awkward, it was the inevitable first appearance of NEWS on Shounen Club.

"Good morning, Koyama-kun."

Toma's voice outside in the corridor made Yamapi sit up straight in the make-up chair.  He couldn't turn around, not with the make-up lady fiddling with his face, but he had a perfect view of the door in the mirror.  He held his breath, his eyes fixed on that door; he released it when Toma appeared in the doorway of the make-up room and their eyes instantly found each other.  The anxiety he'd felt rolled off Yamapi at the brilliant smile Toma sent his way. 

"Good morning, Yamashita-kun."

"Good morning," he greeted back with a happy smile.

Their eyes remained locked in the mirror, until Toma walked between Yamapi's chair and Tegoshi's, and hoisted himself onto the make-up counter.  The make-up lady shot him a quick annoyed look, but didn't say anything.

"Good morning," Toma greeted Tegoshi with a pleasant smile.  "I'm Ikuta Toma.  Pleased to meet you."

"Good morning.  I'm Tegoshi," the kid replied, accompanying the words with a gesture where he put his hand in front of his face, his fingers spread out, his palm out.  Toma laughed; thrilled with the reaction Tegoshi flashed Yamapi a grin, showing off his uneven teeth.

Yamapi rolled his eyes.  "Tsuyoshi-san taught him that," he told Toma.

Toma grinned.  "Now I definitely can't wait until it airs."

"Don't watch it!"  Yamapi suppressed a groan.  "It was embarrassing!"

Tegoshi's expression changed instantly.  The grin disappeared; his face dark he turned away from Yamapi.

Oh, just great!  Just when he thought he'd reached some kind of rapport with the rest of the NEWS gang.  In fact, Yamapi had been rather impressed with Tegoshi's performance during the interview.  For someone with his lack of experience Tegoshi's answers had been eloquent and witty.  He'd even brought the house down a few times.  There were just other moments that made Yamapi cringe because...

Fuck, what did it even matter what Tegoshi thought?  Yamapi had no intention of becoming buddies with NEWS.  They were nothing but a nuisance. 

Toma shot him a sympathetic look; Yamapi pulled a face and shrugged.

Just then an announcement came over the theatre speakers: "Ikuta-san, to the stage, please.  Ikuta-san, to the stage."

Smiling an apology, Toma jumped off the counter.  As he walked past Yamapi's chair, he took advantage of the make-up lady's inattentiveness to stroke a finger across the back of Yamapi's neck.  Just a fleeting, barely-there touch and yet it ran down Yamapi's body, leaving shivers in its wake.  He only realised he'd closed his eyes when they snapped open at a noise that sounded like someone choking.

In the mirror he saw Nishikido standing behind his chair.  Apparently he'd come into the room just as Toma ran his finger across Yamapi's neck and he was now stating his verdict by making exaggerated barfing faces and loud gagging noises.

"You're just jealous," Yamapi heard Toma whisper, as he walked past Ryo on his way out the door.

"You wish, Ikuta," Ryo whispered back, but Toma was already out of hearing distance.

Yamapi's eyes met Nishikido's briefly in the mirror, but he could see nothing but amusement in Ryo's eyes.  Then Ryo reached out a finger and before Yamapi could grasp what he was planning to do, he smiled evilly and ran his finger along Yamapi's neck.  Yamapi merely smirked in annoyance. 

Ryo bent until his lips were close to Yamapi's ear. "Why don't you shiver for me?"

"Why don't you go try that line on Kato-kun?" Yamapi shot back.

That seemed to have the desired effect.  Ryo straightened and gave him a narrow-eyed glare in the mirror.  Yamapi chalked that up as a victory.

"You're done," the make-up lady announced, as she moved towards Tegoshi's chair. 

Without even sparing Nishikido another look, Yamapi jumped out of his chair, and ran out of the room and after Toma, not even caring what it looked like.  Toma was already long out of sight, but Yamapi knew where he was going; he knew this theatre like the back of his hand.  That meant he also knew all the dark hidden corners.  He was already grinning at the prospect of dragging Toma off into one of them.

The grin disappeared as he rounded the corner that brought him backstage of the main auditorium.  At the sight before him he halted in his tracks, his heart sinking.

The remaining Tops were in the middle of their number, the music blaring loudly as they practised their dance one final time while the cameras figured out the best angles.  Yamapi had no idea why it shocked him the way it did; in his head he knew that they'd moved on without him.  It was his heart that had refused to believe.  Witnessing them performing a song that he didn't know, a dance routine that they'd spent time practising while he wasn't there, brought the reality crashing down on him.  Four Tops were forever in his past.

The music stopped, the routine finishing with Jun and Kazama in a pose on either side of Toma.  From the wings Yamapi watched as they turned towards each other, grinning broadly.  It was too much.  He could feel his heart break.

Just then, as if he could sense Yamapi's distress, Toma happened to look over in his direction.  The smile vanished from his face. 

Feeling like he'd been caught snooping, Yamapi ducked back into the shadows, but it was too late.  Toma was already running towards him.

"Tomo," he said, as he neared, but Yamapi shook his head, refusing to let him talk.

"It's silly," he said, his head lowered so Toma wouldn't see the tears that were threatening behind his eyes.  "I shouldn't be feeling like this.  I'm the one who left Four Tops.  Why am I blaming you guys for making the best of a bad situation?"

He couldn't look at Toma and thus didn't see what was happening in his face.  The next moment he gasped when Toma grabbed his hand and pulled him away.

"Come on," he said, "you're going to ruin your make-up."  That made him laugh through the pain; looking up he saw Toma grin back at him.  "Told you," Toma said in a low voice, "that you're the girl."

"Stop making me laugh," Yamapi chided, but he didn't mean it, because god, he loved that Toma could make him laugh when he hurt.

Yamapi wasn't the only one who knew every corner of this theatre.  Toma pulled him along until they'd reached a supply closet and pushed Yamapi inside.  Closing the door behind them, he pushed Yamapi down onto a huge box, apparently containing toilet paper, before he squatted down before Yamapi.

"Look, Tomohisa," he said, his voice suddenly very serious, "it's OK for you to blame us."  He took a deep breath - Yamapi'd already started shaking his head in denial - and said something that was like a shot through Yamapi's heart: "I blame you too."

Yamapi gaped at him; he could feel every single wall shooting out of the ground around him...  No!  He fought the impulse with everything in him.  Toma was looking at him with an expression that said that it was as painful to say this as it was for Yamapi to hear it. 

"Just a tiny bit of me does," Toma admitted softly.  He took Yamapi's hands in his and looked down at them; he ran his thumbs gently across the back of Yamapi's hands.  "But I'm owning up to it.  Because you need to know that it's OK to blame me and Kazapon and Hasejun." 

"Toma...," Yamapi started, but Toma looked up, something so fierce in his eyes that it stopped all words in their tracks.

"When we both know that the only one to blame here is Johnny!"

"Johnny?" he stammered in response to Toma's outburst.

Toma lowered his head again.  "There's something I haven't told you," he said softly.  For a moment all Yamapi could do was stare, something heavy pressing down on his heart, but then Toma continued.  "I only did it to protect you."

And that was so like Toma.  It drove Yamapi to distraction at times, but at the same time it made him feel all warm inside.  Smiling with affection, he put his cheek on top of Toma's lowered head.

"You're an idiot," he said affectionately.

Toma raised his head, smiled goofily at Yamapi.  "That makes two of us."

It felt only natural to lean towards Toma to kiss him.  His hands wound into Toma's hair; Toma rose onto his knees between Yamapi's legs, his arms around Yamapi pulling him flush against his body.  For the next couple of minutes nothing else mattered but kissing Toma until he was out of breath.

"So that thing you need to tell me?" he said some time later, his lips still close to Toma's.

"Not here," Toma replied, and Yamapi had to fight the impulse to hit him upside the head, because hello, Yamapi knew that too.

"Am I going to be very pissed off?"

"Very."  Hearing the certainty in Toma's voice told Yamapi how bad it was, but right now he had Toma holding him close and that's all he wanted to think about.

"At you?"

A slight hesitation and then Toma nodded.  "Quite possibly."

Yamapi nodded with resignation.  "OK, then."  At the worried look on Toma's face, he smiled and leaned in for another kiss.  He didn't want to be pissed off with Toma yet.

------

"Tomohisa?"

Tomo was just sitting there on his bed, staring at him.  Toma wouldn't have blamed him one bit if he'd spaced out on him, gone off into his own little Yamashita world like he was prone to do when things got too emotionally taxing, but that wasn't what he was doing at all.  Toma had seen it too many times to recognise it.  No, Tomohisa was apparently just too dumbstruck to say a word.

"Say something!"  It was starting to freak Toma out how he was just sitting there.

When Tomo slowly rose to his feet and walked to his desk chair as if he was sleepwalking, Toma reconsidered.  That was really scaring him.  All Tomohisa did though was pick up his jacket and put it on.  Toma was still staring at him as he walked to the door and opened it. 

"Whoa, whoa," Toma said, reaching the door in two steps.  One hand flat on the door, he slammed it shut before Tomohisa could leave the room.  "Where do you think you're going?"

Tomo was staring hard at the door that had closed in front of his face.  "To give Kitagawa a piece of my mind!"

"Yeah," Toma said, "I understand the impulse."  His hands on Tomohisa's shoulders he steered him away from the door.  "Not a good idea, sport."

Seeming to snap out of his trance, Tomo gave him a dubious look.  "Sport?"

Toma shrugged and tried to smile.  "Babe?  Sweetheart?"

Tomohisa glared at him.  "Don't try to make me laugh, Toma.  Not now."

Toma nodded in understanding.  He watched in silence as Tomohisa took off his jacket, then winced in sympathy when Tomo threw it with force into a corner of the room.  As long as he expelled the anger raging through him and didn't bottle it up as was his wont, Toma was... well, not happy, but at least less worried.  Tomohisa followed this by pacing around his small room, kicking his waste paper basket.  Scrunched-up pieces of paper and, Toma noticed, some candy bar wrappers spilled across the floor, but Tomohisa ignored it all.  Finally he took a deep breath; his back straightened as he turned around.  Toma gasped at the anger he saw shooting from Tomo's eyes.

"You are not sacrificing your career for me!" he stated passionately, his finger pointed at Toma, clearly not brooking any argument.

Toma sighed.  "Nobody is sacrificing their careers, period," he said, equally determined.

"As long as that's understood," Tomohisa said, with a nod, slowly lowering his finger.

Toma held up his hands.  "Understood."

They looked at each other for a long moment.  Then Tomohisa asked: "Johnny broke up Four Tops because we'd fallen in love?"  As if that was only now starting to sink in.

Anxious as to what would be the reaction, Toma nodded.  To his utter amazement, Tomohisa smiled. 

"That's it then," he said. 

It what? Toma thought in a sudden panic.  The end of their relationship?

"We're just going to have to accept that we'll always be in different groups," he said with a shy smile.

Toma found he was staring at Tomohisa with his mouth wide open.  Had he said what he thought he'd said?  "Always?" he stammered.

"Well," Tomohisa said, a teasing smile around his lips that made the cold fear around Toma's heart melt into heat, "always is a very long time."

He'd reached Tomohisa in two steps, grabbed that wonderful, beautiful face in his hands so he could kiss the most kissable lips in the whole world.  Through the euphoria racing through him, he felt horrible, a heel for doubting Tomohisa.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled between kisses, "I'm so sorry."

Tomo didn't need to be told what he was apologising for.  "Don't think you're getting off that easily for keeping it from me," he said and Toma pulled back far enough to get a clear look of the expression on Tomo's face.  He was relieved to find him smiling.  "But I'm just not in the mood for it right now."

There wasn't any part of that sentence that Toma could object to.  He deserved to be punished, would gladly take it, but right now there was a fire boiling inside him, one that could only be put out one way.  He practically dived for Tomohisa's mouth, kissed him hard and deep, wanting everything, everything right now.  His hands were already underneath Tomo's shirt, sampling the intoxicating feel of his smooth silky skin. 

It was only when they tumbled together onto Tomohisa's bed that Toma realised that he'd walked them there, but that didn't stop his ardour.  They'd barely hit the mattress before Toma was straddling Tomohisa, yanking impatiently at his shirt to pull it over Tomo's head.

"Toma, Toma," Tomo giggled self-consciously, even as he was lifting his arms obligingly, "my mum is downstairs!" 

The words didn't register.  He was lost in a cloud of pure want, overriding everything, every thought except want want want.  He needed to touch every part of Tomo, with his hands and his mouth.  Before that thought had even fully formed his lips were already attached to Tomo's neck, sucking and licking, trailing a wet path downwards.  Tomo was so responsive to his touch, squirming beneath him, making exquisite noises and clawing at the back of Toma's shirt.  Toma let go of Tomohisa just long enough to allow him to pull Toma's shirt off, but then he was back in a flash, needing more, and oh, yes, it was even better now, naked skin against naked skin.

Toma's hands caressed every part of Tomo that his mouth wasn't lavishing attention to, running them down Tomo's sides and up his chest...

Something so startling happened underneath the palms of his hands that the arousal almost instantly fled from Toma's mind.  Shocked, he sat up, looked down at Tomo beneath him.  He had his head tilted back, his chest was rising and falling with his shallow breaths; the image was enough to give any (so-inclined) nineteen-year-old wet dreams, but there was only one thought going through Toma's head.

"How much weight can a person lose in just a few weeks?" he asked, baffled.

The look on Tomohisa's face went from turned on to annoyed in one second.  He sat up and pushed Toma off him in the same movement.  His hand shot out to grab the discarded shirt; he held it in front of him in a perfect imitation of a prim schoolgirl.

"Did you take off my shirt to count my ribs?" His voice was hard as steel and cold as ice.

Unable to grasp how everything had gone from "so good" to "so bad" so quickly, Toma just sat there, staring at Tomohisa. 

"I've changed my mind," Tomohisa announced, rising to his feet.  "I am pissed off with you after all."

The door gave a loud bang as Tomohisa slammed it behind his dramatic exit.  Cursing himself, Toma fell back onto the mattress and flung an arm across his eyes.  He'd fucked up, but good.

------

His mum was folding laundry while watching television when he walked back into the house.  She gave him a look, but then returned to her folding without saying anything.  He wondered how much she knew.

He stood there for a moment longer, shuffling his feet, unsure of what to say.  She wasn't asking questions, but then she rarely did.

"Did Toma go home?" he finally asked.

He blinked in surprise when she shook her head.  "No.  Asked if it was OK if he waited for you.  Said he didn't want to go home until he'd apologised."

Yamapi's gaze flicked towards the stairs.  It was past eleven.  He'd walked the block over and over, not just to cool off, but to make sure that Toma would have gone back home by the time he returned. 

"He's still...?"  He left the rest hanging, just tilted his head upwards in the general direction of his room.

His mum gave him a small smile.  "He's a good kid, that Toma-kun."

The conversation he'd had with Toma a few nights ago suddenly came to mind, the lack of surprise Toma's mum had shown when Yamapi told her he loved Toma.  He wanted to ask his mum what she knew, how she felt about it.  He opened and closed his mouth a few times, even got as far as: "Ne ne," but when she looked up at him, all his courage left him. 

"Is Rina home?"  As soon as the words were out, he cursed himself for not being able to be open with his mum, ask the question he really wanted to ask, but it wasn't the kind of relationship he had with her.

"She's in her room."

Nodding, he left her to her laundry and started climbing the stairs.  The closer he got to his room, the harder his heart started beating.  Maybe he'd overreacted by storming out the way he did, but well, it wasn't just that Toma had withheld something from him that had made him so angry.

Outside his door he took a deep breath and pushed it open.  Toma was sitting at Yamapi's desk, writing something, it seemed.  As soon as the door opened, he swivelled around in his chair to face Yamapi, his expression one of contrition and worry.

For the next few moments they just looked at each other, Yamapi standing at the door he'd closed behind him, Toma still sat in his desk chair.  Then they talked, both at once, their words falling over each other until neither could be understood.

That was enough for Yamapi to see the humour in the whole situation.  He ducked his head so Toma wouldn't see him smile.  God, they were both such idiots; they deserved each other!

Toma took advantage of Yamapi's silence to speak.  "I wasn't blaming you, Tomo," he said softly, "I was just so shocked."

"You sounded like you were mad," Yamapi said, still not moving from his spot.  "I can't help it if I've lost weight, Toma.  There's just so much going on right now.  I've got school and NEWS and..."

"I wasn't mad at you," Toma interrupted him, though he sounded mad again, "I was mad at myself.  I hate that I can't be there anymore to make sure that you eat properly."

Yamapi blew out an annoyed breath.  "You're my boyfriend, Toma, not my mum."

"I know," Toma said.  "I apologise."

Even if he'd wanted to, Yamapi couldn't hold onto his anger much longer.  Sighing deeply, he walked towards Toma, looked down at the sheet of paper on his desk.  "What are you writing?"

Toma, who'd been watching him closely as he got nearer let out a relieved laugh.  Just as Yamapi knew he would, Toma understood that there wasn't anything more that needed to be said. 

"I'm making a list of suspects," he explained.

"Suspects?"  Yamapi looked around for another chair, even though he knew there wasn't one in his room.  He let out a little cry of surprise when Toma's arm snaked around his waist and pulled him onto Toma's thigh.  "Hey!"

"You're the girl, remember," Toma said, grinning, "besides, it's not like you actually weigh anything."

That they could already joke about something that had been such a point of contention mere moments ago made Yamapi almost giddy.  Just for show he turned slightly to hit Toma upside the head.  Then he leaned closer to press a kiss to Toma's temple.  "Suspects of what?"

Toma closed his eyes briefly and sighed, but then his expression turned serious.  "The anonymous text messages."

Oh, right, he'd almost forgotten about that.  Suddenly curious, he looked at what Toma'd already written.  There was one name on the list: Kitagawa Johnny.  He turned to smirk at Toma.

"You didn't get far with your list."

Toma grimaced.  "To be honest?  There's no one else I suspect."

Yamapi gave it a moment of thought.  "What about the paparazzi?"

Shrugging, Toma added it to the list.  "Anybody else you can think of?"

"Kataoka," Yamapi said without even thinking about it.

Toma looked at him oddly.  "Your manager?"

"Ryo thinks there's something weird about him."  Yamapi pulled a face; it wasn't much of a reason, he knew.

"Oh, great!"  Toma's expression clearly betrayed his scepticism.  "Let's add everyone Nishikido thinks is weird.  We'll be here all night."  Despite his mocking tone, Toma added the name to the list anyway.  "Well, maybe not all night," he amended, grinning when Yamapi yawned with his entire face.

"Sorry."  Yamapi pressed two fingers into the corner of his left eye.  "It's been a long day."

"Yeah," Toma agreed, "for me too.  I should have been home ages ago.  I just didn't want to go without setting things right between us."

He stood up, lifting Yamapi to his feet in the same movement.  Despite his earlier protests Yamapi instantly regretted the loss of contact.  "I'll walk you to the station."

Toma shook his head.  "That's OK.  I shouldn't have kept you up this late."

"No, no," Yamapi insisted, "it'll clear my head."  Toma raised an eyebrow at him.  Yeah, yeah, he'd just come back from clearing his head.  "I'll walk you to the door then.  Is that allowed?"

Toma grinned.  "That would be appreciated."

It was at least several minutes, and quite a few kisses, later that they descended the stairs and found Yamapi's mum watching television.

"Good evening, Yamashita-san," Toma said politely.

She gave him a gentle smile. "Take care getting home, Toma-kun."

"I'm just going to show Toma out," Yamapi said, as if that needed explaining.

"OK," his mum said.  "Oh, Niichan," she called him back.  "There's something I forgot to tell you.  While you were out I got a call from your grandmother.  I'm going to visit her next week.  I'm taking Rina."

Huh, what?  Startled, he turned and gave her an incredulous look.  "I can't go anywhere next week!  I've got school!  Not to mention a gazillion promotion appearances with NEWS!"

She looked up at him, her expression one of utter calm.  "I know.  That's why I said I'm taking Rina.  You're eighteen now.  That's old enough to be left alone on your own for a few days."

On his own?  His mind flashed on all the possibilities, ninety percent of them featuring a naked Toma.  As if he could read his mind, Toma gave him a heated look.

"Oh... oh, absolutely," he stammered, completely taken aback.  "You can trust me."

"I know."  She turned her gaze on Toma.  "You'll keep an eye on him, won't you, Toma-kun?"

His eyes wide, Toma gulped.  "Yes, ma'm."  He looked so spooked, as if Yamapi's mum could read every single dirty thought in his head, that Yamapi almost choked trying to swallow his giggles.

Before he could give them away, Yamapi grabbed Toma's sleeve and dragged him out to the door.  Once they were outside and out of earshot, Yamapi let out the squeal of happiness he could no longer contain.  Suddenly his fatigue was forgotten; he jumped onto Toma, his arms around Toma's neck.  Laughing too, Toma allowed his arm around Yamapi for just a moment, but then he put Yamapi on the ground, effectively pulling him back to reality.

"Careful," Toma reminded, "there are eyes everywhere."

Right.  Yamapi took a step back, honestly tried to calm down, but it wasn't really working.  One week, he kept thinking.  Just one week and they'd finally be alone together.

Toma too seemed to be exhibiting an excited energy.  "So you'll have the place to yourself next week," he said non-committingly.  "Any plans?"

Yamapi pretended to give it some thought.  "Mmmn," he said, "I thought I'd start by throwing a party.  Jin should know some pretty girls that we can invite to liven things up."  Smirking, Toma put two fingers against Yamapi's forehead and pushed.  Yamapi laughed.  "What do you think my plans are, idiot?"

"If they're anything like mine," Toma said quietly, "they involve me and you and as little as possible in the clothing department."

A sudden flush running through him, Yamapi gasped for breath.  It was going to be a long week.

------

"You two still haven't done it?" 

Frustration wasn't making Toma feel very charitable.  Grimacing, he watched Akanishi across the table, laughing his head off.  One more day, he kept reminding himself.  One more day and Tomo would be his.  It was going to be the longest day in history, he thought bleakly.

Beside Toma, Tomohisa rose from his chair, leaned across the table and hit Jin upside the head.  "It's not funny, Bakanishi!"

"Oh, god, yes, it is," Jin wheezed, which earned him another smack from Tomohisa, who then sat down again.  "How long have you been dating now?  Five years?"

Toma pulled a face at Jin, though inside he couldn't help smiling.  "Four weeks, actually."

"Oh, please," Jin snorted.  "You've never had to watch you two make googly eyes at each other.  You've been dating much longer than four weeks."

Remembering what Jimmy had told him, Toma turned towards Tomohisa and smiled; Tomo was looking back at him with an equally pleased looking expression.

"Hell," Jin swore on the other side of the table, "please tell me Kame and I aren't that nauseating!"

Toma turned sharply back towards Jin.  "OK, Mister Know-It-All, since you've brought it up.  How do you and jailbait do it then?  You both still live at home too."

Jin's expression turned annoyed.  "Why is mine jailbait and yours isn't?"

"The difference between eighteen and seventeen," Toma said sweetly, which only made Jin look even more annoyed.

"Remind me again why I should help you two get laid?"

"We don't need your help," Tomohisa said smugly, "we've got it all under control."

"Oh, really?"  Akanishi raised a mocking eyebrow.  "Then why are you having lunch with me instead of slobbering all over each other?"  Toma and Tomohisa shared a look that made Jin laugh.  "What?  Are you saving yourselves for marriage or something?"

Tomohisa's brilliant comeback was to hit Jin upside the head again, but Toma missed the spectacle.  He was busy with the text message he'd just received. 

"You're the one who was whining that we were neglecting you," Tomohisa told Jin, "and when we are spending time with you, you're still not happy."  His laughter stopped in response to the smile fading from Toma's face.  "What is it?"  His expression went from worry to incredulity.  "Don't tell me it's another photo?"

Toma shook his head, passed the cell phone to Tomohisa so he could read it too.

"YOU!" it read.  "In my office, right now."

Tomohisa gave him a wide-eyed look.  "I'll go with you."

Toma shook his head.  "That's only going to make it worse, Tomo."

"He has to know that he can't intimidate us like this, Toma," he said, looking resolved, "that we're in this together."

"I don't want him to know we're in this together."

He knew what these words would produce and Tomohisa didn't disappoint.  Looking hurt, he glared at Toma.  "You promised, no more lies.  I don't need you to protect me, Toma.  I need you to trust me."

"And I do," he assured, "but I just think it's a better idea if Johnny doesn't know how much you know.  Not to protect you, but to protect us.  If Johnny doesn't suspect you, he might be less on his guard around you, let something slip that he wouldn't around me.  The less he knows the better for us."

Tomohisa's expression started to soften; maybe he was beginning to see that Toma had a point.  "I just want you to know...," he started, but his voice trailed off.

"I know," Toma told him firmly, holding his gaze, putting everything in his heart right there in his eyes.

A cough brought them back to the here and now.  Toma startled, suddenly remembering that they had an audience.  They turned to find Jin looking between the two of them with a stupid expression on his face. 

"There's something going on that I obviously don't know about."

"And you don't need to know," Tomohisa instantly told him without even looking towards Toma for confirmation.  "The less you know the better, Jin."

Toma's heart glowed knowing that Tomo was already throwing out the very words that he had just seconds ago rejected. 

"Ah, don't worry about me," Jin said with a bright smile, "I'm very good at playing dumb."

It felt good to laugh, even with a meeting with Johnny hanging over his head.

"Oh, Jin," Tomohisa laughed, "don't we know it."

------

His weekly meeting with Kitagawa-san was cut short when Johnny's secretary poked his head into the office.

"Excuse me for interrupting, sir, but Ikuta-san has arrived."

An unpleasant smile appeared on Johnny's face, one that made a chill run down Kataoka's spine. 

"Thank you, Kenji."  Johnny turned to Kataoka.  "I'm sorry, we'll have to reschedule.  This is kind of important."

Nodding in understanding, Kataoka gathered his papers together and bowed to Johnny.  As he turned towards the door, it opened to let in Ikuta-kun.  The kid had the look about him of a condemned man walking to his execution, but he still held his head high with pride and defiance.  Kataoka couldn't help feeling impressed and slightly fearful at the same time.  He had a pretty good idea why Johnny had called him in.

As Kataoka walked out and Ikuta walked in, their eyes briefly met.  Something changed in Ikuta's expression, a look of startled confusion that made Kataoka wonder.  How much did the kid suspect of his involvement?

If only he could stay in this office, be a fly on the wall during the next few minutes.  He couldn't resist lingering outside the closing door, trying to catch any snippet of conversation inside.  To his disappointment Johnny didn't get further than "I'm sure you know why you're here", before Kenji made insistent gestures to step away from the door. 

Smiling amiably, Kataoka cursed inside and left Johnny's office.

------

Soon after Toma left, Kamenashi showed up for their planned afternoon of shopping; his arrival did nothing to improve Yamapi's mood.  Jin kept giving him looks, but Yamapi was so worried about Toma that it was really too much to ask of him to make an effort with Jin's boyfriend on top of everything else.  There was just something about the kid that rubbed him the wrong way. 

"Pi," Kame said, and Yamapi had to grit his teeth not to yell at him.  Only his closest friends got to call him Pi.  Kame was Jin's band mate and boyfriend, but that didn't even put him in Yamapi's circle of friends, let alone closest friends.  "What do you think of this shirt?"

He looked up to find Kame holding up a shirt in front of him, an expectant look on his face.  Why did he keep asking Yamapi's opinion on everything, as if he even cared what Yamapi thought?  He suddenly flashed on the conversation he'd had with Toma a while ago.  Toma had just laughed at him and said that he was jealous, because he was no longer number one on Jin's list of priorities.  As if Yamapi would be jealous of Kame!  The thought was ridiculous!

His mouth opened to say something scathing, but then he caught Jin's eye, his expression almost begging Yamapi to give Kame a chance.  He supposed for their friendship's sake he should.  He would hate it if Jin and Toma didn't get along.  Then again, of course, Yamapi's boyfriend wasn't a phoney annoying little twerp like Jin's.

Swallowing what he was about to say, Yamapi smiled sweetly.  "It'll look very cute on you, Kamenashi-kun."

Jin rolled his eyes.  What?  He was trying, wasn't he?

"Go try it on," Jin told Kame, still giving Yamapi that look.  As soon as Kame was out of earshot, he glared.  "Could you lay it on a little thicker?"  At Yamapi's listless shrug, Jin sighed.  "You could at least try to get to know him.  You might even like him."

Yamapi blew out an annoyed breath.  "You wouldn't even like him if you weren't sleeping with him."  The moment it was out of his mouth, he knew he'd gone too far.  He gave Jin a wary look.  Though he looked annoyed, there was something else in Jin's expression as well.  Worry perhaps?

"What's going on, Pi?  You're even more of a moody pain in the ass than usual."

"Oh, thank you," Yamapi grumbled, but he wasn't feeling it.  Jin had every right to be pissed off with him.

"We've all been summoned to Johnny's office before.  It's not that big a deal."

Yamapi gave him a measuring look, wondering if perhaps he should tell Jin after all.  Fortunately that was the moment his cell phone started beeping.

Finally! 

Yamapi fumbled in his pockets, almost dropping the phone in his eagerness to flip it open.  Toma had promised to call him as soon as he was out of Johnny's office.  "Where are you?  What happened?  Why did he want to see you?" he asked, before Toma could say anything.

"Outside the building.  Too long to tell you over the phone.  Johnny threw the photo at me."

It took a moment for Yamapi to decipher those three unrelated sentences as the answers to his three questions.  "Threw it at you?" he asked, stunned.

"Yep."  He sighed.  "Look, I'll tell you all about it when I see you.  Where are you?  You want me to join you guys?  This doesn't have to ruin our afternoon."

Contemplating his answer, Yamapi watched Kame walk back towards them.  He was carrying a cute little paper bag, no doubt containing the shirt he'd just purchased.  He gave first Jin, then Yamapi a questioning look, his pretty boy brow marred by a frown.  It made Yamapi's mind up for him.

"Nah, don't bother," he told Toma, "the afternoon is wrecked as it is.  Let's go back to your place."

"OK," Toma agreed.  "See you there."

As he snapped his phone shut he was aware of Jin's disapproval and Kame's hurt feelings, but he just couldn't be bothered to care.

------

Once Tomohisa had been brought up to speed, they just sat there on Toma's bedroom floor, side by side, their backs against Toma's bed, their heads leaning back against the mattress in weary defeat.  After a while, Tomohisa sighed; it seemed to come from deep within him.  Toma knew exactly what he meant.

Lifting his head, Toma cast a look to his side.  His head thrown back, his eyes closed, Tomohisa looked so pretty.  Sometimes it took Toma's breath away.  Now, though, he was too concerned about their future to be distracted by it.

"I'm still not giving up on you," he announced, his face set in resolve.

This made Tomohisa lift his head with a jerk.  He stared at Toma, his eyes wide.  "You had better not," he stated, equally resolved. 

Despite everything it made Toma smile happily.  He'd been an idiot to doubt Tomohisa or his stubbornness. 

"But, Toma," he continued, "Johnny's made his point."

Closing his eyes, Toma leaned his head back against the bed.  Johnny sure had.

Toma's heart had raced out of control when Johnny threw the picture into his lap, the very same one that had been texted to him anonymously.

"It would seem that you don't take me seriously," Johnny had spit out, though his expression was a picture of calm.  "Didn't I tell you to keep away from Yamashita?"

In hindsight Toma was quite impressed with how calm he'd remained, while gathering together every single shred of courage within him to look Johnny in the eye.  "And didn't I tell you that I wouldn't?" 

In light of his bold defiance, Toma didn't know which was less surprising, the explosion of anger in Johnny's eyes or his threat that he would take The Shounen Club away from the remaining three Tops.  He wanted to fight for Tomohisa, even if it put his career on the line, but he couldn't in all good conscience risk Kazama and Jun's careers as well.

"There's just one thing I don't understand," Tomohisa said.  Without lifting his head, Toma turned towards him.  "If Johnny's had the picture in his possession as long as you have, why did it take him this long to confront you with it?"

Toma sat up straight, looked at Tomohisa in wonder.  "That is a good question!"

"You don't need to sound quite so surprised," Tomohisa said, feigning offense.  "I have been known to ask good questions."

"Must not have been in my presence," Toma teased back.

Tomohisa pulled a face, one that made Toma lean towards him to kiss him briefly.  Really, how could Johnny expect him to give this up without a fight?

"But you're absolutely right," he said.  "It's not like Johnny to wait even five minutes, let alone more than a week."

"So, do you think he got the photo just before he summoned you to his office?"

"Which means he got it a whole week after I did?"

They reached the same conclusion at the same time, their expressions bearing matching looks of wonder.  "The mystery texter is not Johnny," Toma said the words they were clearly both thinking.

Tomohisa nodded.  "But then who is it?"

Could it be?  He hadn't suspected him before, not really, but in the light of the day's events maybe Nishikido's misgivings hadn't been so wrong after all.  Or maybe he was starting to see ghosts everywhere.

"What about your manager?" he suggested carefully.

"Kataoka?"  Tomohisa's face betrayed his scepticism.  "What makes you suspect him all of a sudden?"

"When I walked into Johnny's office, he just walked out."  The doubt in Tomohisa's face deepened.  "Which, I agree, hardly looks suspicious since he works for the guy and everything," Toma hurried to add.  "It's just..."  He thought for a moment, trying to put into words what he'd felt as their eyes crossed.  "He just gave me the weirdest look."

"Weird?" Tomohisa echoed, his mouth twisting.  "You sound just as bad as Nishikido."  The uncertainty wavered for a moment and then a smile broke through, one that made a mirroring one appear on Toma's face.  "There are worse people to put my faith in than you and Nishikido."

That had to be rewarded with a kiss.  Once he'd utterly indulged himself, Toma pulled back slightly.  "We have to think of a plan."

Tomohisa had his eyes closed.  When he opened them there was a heated look in his eyes, a sly smile on his lips.  "For tomorrow," he agreed, the smile growing even more provocative.  As if his meaning wasn't coming across loud and clear, he licked his lips for that extra touch. 

Toma's breath caught.  "Tomorrow," he echoed stupidly.  Tomorrow he was going to get a naked Tomohisa he could kiss and lick and do various and sundry things to that he'd been fantasizing about longer than he cared to admit. 

"Yes, Toma," Tomohisa said, leaning towards him, "tomorrow."

He was right, Toma thought, as he lost himself in the kiss.  There was plenty of time to worry about Johnny later.  Now they should be focussing on what was really important.

------

Helping his mum load the luggage into the taxi, Yamapi felt a surge of excitement course through him.  Toma had rehearsals and wouldn't be able to get away until six, but he'd promised that he would head to Yamapi's home straight from the theatre.

"I'm trusting you, Niichan," his mum said, standing beside the taxi's passenger door.  "If you disappoint me, there'll be no next time."

Yamapi nodded solemnly.  He couldn't imagine that his mum wasn't aware of his plans for the next few days, but she hadn't hinted at them, or shown any approval or disapproval.  

Once his mum and sister were on their way and there was nothing else to do but wait for Toma, Yamapi wandered around the house restlessly.  Why was he feeling this nervous?  He wasn't a virgin, not with girls or boys.  Why was he feeling butterflies in his stomach?  

Because this was it, he thought, feeling giddy.  This time they were actually going to have sex.  No little sisters or mothers to interrupt them.

Time seemed to crawl by.  Every time he looked at the clock it had barely moved an inch.  Maybe if he did something useful, started studying for that test he had coming up in two days...  Even as the thought occurred to him he dismissed it.  He was feeling way too jittery to settle down his thoughts on studying.

Finally, what seemed like an eternity later, the doorbell rang.  Yamapi practically ran to the door.  Throwing it open, he grabbed Toma's sleeve to yank him inside.  Toma laughed joyfully, but sounding a little nervous too.  The door fell shut behind him; Yamapi had Toma pushed up against it at once, diving in for a kiss.  The overnight bag in Toma's hand fell to the floor with a thud as Toma's arms closed around Yamapi to pull him close.  All the pent-up need from the last weeks came bursting out of Yamapi.  With impatient hands he pushed Toma's jacket from his shoulders.  It fell to the floor next to Toma's bag.  

"So," Toma said, when they came up for air, "do we just...?"

"Yes, yes," Yamapi interrupted him, burying his face in Toma's neck and breathing him in, "we just already.  I want you naked, Toma.  And I want you now."

Toma shuddered slightly at the words, Yamapi hoped in a good way.  It would seem so as he pulled Yamapi close and dived in for another kiss.  It was an intense kiss, but a short one.  Mere seconds later Toma pushed him away gently.  He didn't need to wonder why, as Toma quickly pulled off his shoes and then reached out to take Yamapi's hand.  They stood there for a moment, their hands joined, when Yamapi realised that Toma was waiting for him to call the shots.  Grinning happily, Yamapi pulled him along.  They didn't quite run up the stairs, but it was a very close call.

Even as they walked through the door into Yamapi's bedroom, he was pulling Toma's shirt over his head.  He threw it aside carelessly, going straight for the button on Toma's jeans.  He had flicked it open when Toma's hands closed over his, halting them.  Slightly annoyed, he looked up into Toma's face.  He was smiling indulgently.

"There's no hurry, Tomo."

God, but yes, there was.  He'd waited so long already.  Didn't Toma understand how urgent this was?  Didn't he feel that need screaming through his veins the way Yamapi was?  If Toma didn't understand, Yamapi would make him understand.

He leaned in to attach his lips to Toma's neck, rain kisses along his naked flesh.  A fantastic sound escaped Toma; he tilted his head back, giving Yamapi better access, his grip on Yamapi's hands loosening.  Cheering at the victory, Yamapi quickly grabbed his chance to unzip Toma's jeans and plunge his hand inside.  Sucking on Toma's adam's apple, he let out a moan along with Toma, as his hand closed around Toma's cock, giving it a gentle, experimental stroke.

One of Toma's hands had found its way underneath Yamapi's shirt and as Yamapi stroked once again, he hissed when short nails dug into his back.  The next instant Toma was a blur of motion, as he tore Yamapi's shirt off, dived in for a kiss and scrambled at the button of Yamapi's jeans, all at the same time.

Yes!  Now they were on the same page.

They staggered more than walked towards the bed, both too intent on getting the other one naked the fastest.  Toma was out of his jeans and underwear by the time they bounced on the mattress, Yamapi on top of him, but Yamapi's were still around his ankles.  He kicked them off impatiently, crawled along Toma's body until he was covering him completely and yes, Toma spread his legs to accommodate Yamapi and oh, they fit together so perfectly.  

They both froze as their cocks rubbed up against each other.  Yamapi flexed his hips just so, marvelled at the way Toma hissed out a breath, pushed his head back into the pillow.  So he did it again, and right there, damn, so good.  More, he needed more.

Toma seemed to agree, his hands on Yamapi's butt urging him on, pulling him tighter, closer to him as his hips rose from the mattress to meet him with every thrust.  It was a bit clumsy at first; it took a few tries before their rhythms matched, but then it did and all thought was driven out of Yamapi's mind, his very being concentrated on keeping that perfect rhythm.

And then he found it, that flow, oh that perfection that needed no thought, just pure instinct, just pure pleasure taking over his body.  He rocked with it, leaned in to grab a kiss, breathing heavily into Toma's mouth.  Toma's hand was now on Yamapi's lower back, the other twisted in Yamapi's hair as he returned the kiss with equal passion.  He'd flung his leg just below Yamapi's butt, as if he wanted to keep him prisoner there.  Not that Yamapi had any objection.  He could stay there forever, wanted this pleasure to last forever.

But even as he thought this, his thrusts sped up, his orgasm sneaking up on him.  Toma's face, he suddenly thought.  He needed to see what Toma looked like when he came.

Breaking the kiss, he lifted himself on his elbows, panted and thrust and lost his breath all over again just watching Toma's face.  His head tilted back, his breathing coming hard, he was hotter than words could describe.  It tipped Yamapi over the edge; with one final thrust he came hard.  His hips were still jerking involuntarily as Toma followed him into orgasm, panting through parted lips and looking more beautiful than anyone had a right to be.  

Spent, Yamapi fell on top of Toma, savoured the feeling of Toma's arms folding around him and holding him close, holding him safe.

------

This wasn't how he'd wanted their first time to be, rushed and out of control, but on second thought, maybe it was a good thing that they got the edge off.  Now they could take their time savouring the moment.

Toma ran a hand soothingly along Tomohisa's back, the calming rhythm bringing both of them back down.  Tomohisa was still on top of him, humming happily into Toma's neck.  Slowly, he seemed to be returning back to the land of the living; he squirmed on top of Toma, nibbling at the flesh along Toma's neck.  It occurred to Toma that it wouldn't take much more of this to make him hard again, but then Tomohisa slid further down, swirling his tongue around a nipple, while his lower body was pressed just right against Toma's re-awakening cock.

As Toma's breathing started to speed up again, Tomohisa looked up and grinned.  "You know, for someone who has fits because I'm too skinny, you're not exactly a sumo wrestler either."  Toma tried to come up with a clever comeback, but gah, the blood needed to operate his brain cells was rapidly fleeing southwards. 

"Tomo," was as far as he got, his fingers tightening in the head of hair that kept going further down, but then, just as things kept getting better and better, his growing arousal was suddenly cut short by the little sound of repulsion Tomohisa emitted.  Suddenly worried, he raised himself on his elbows, looked down his body to find Tomohisa wrinkling his nose at the mess on Toma's belly.

"Messy," Yamapi muttered, looking self-conscious for moment, but then he grinned and hopped to his feet.  "Be right back," he announced and all Toma could do was watch his skinny, but damn adorable butt disappear out of the door.  He fell back, stared at the ceiling, tried to calm himself down, but then the sound of the door opening and closing made him lean up onto his elbows again.  The gunk cleaned off himself, Tomohisa had returned bearing a wet washcloth.

Toma held out his hand for the washcloth, but Tomohisa shook his head.  He didn't offer an explanation, just took Toma's legs and arranged him until he was lying sideways, his legs dangling off the bed, his head against the wall.  Spreading Toma's legs, Tomohisa kneeled on the floor between them and began, carefully and gently, washing him clean.  The washcloth was warm and felt fantastic, but it was the gentleness with which Tomohisa was swiping it across his belly that made Toma's heart swell.  And then the cloth dipped lower and other parts of his anatomy started swelling as well.

Almost of their own accord his hips rose from the mattress, wanting more; Toma's head banged lightly against the wall.  It felt so good, so ... oh, fuck!

The cloth was gone; now there was a wet mouth there, right there sucking on one of his balls.  Stunned, Toma lifted his head, gazed down his body, hissing at the sight of Tomohisa's bent head, his attention focussed on Toma's dick.  He was being careful, hesitant almost; it made Toma wonder.

"Have you done this before?"

Tomohisa lifted his head; his bangs fell into his eyes as he looked at Toma with wide, dark pupils.  It took everything in Toma not to come at the sight.

"No," he said, his expression suddenly betraying his insecurity, "but I really want to try.  Can I blow you?"

Toma tried not to swallow his tongue.  "Right," he finally managed to squeeze past his lips, "that would be one of those more intelligent questions you were telling me about, would it?"  He was quite impressed himself with his ability to get that out coherently.

Tomohisa pulled a face at him.  "You know, I don't have to."  He tried to sound petulant, but instead fell completely short on the side of too eager.

"Nah," Toma said, pulling off cockiness that he wasn't feeling at all, "you want it too much."  He let his head fall back against the wall with feigned nonchalance, as if he didn't care either way.  In his mind's eye he could see Tomohisa narrowing his eyes, wondering how he would get back at Toma, and he might have thought about sniggering in victory if in the next moment his brain hadn't stopped working. 

The sensation of soft lips sliding along his shaft, the knowledge that it was Tomohisa's pretty wet mouth he was sinking into, was so indescribably good, it shot through his system like a shock wave.  He snapped back so fast he banged his head hard against the wall.  It hurt like a motherfucker, but nothing as close as it hurt to have that wet bliss taken away from him a second later.

"Oh, great," Tomohisa said, sounding way too smug, "give yourself a concussion.  That'll be fun to explain to your mum.  Toma's got a concussion because I was sucking him off."

That little shit!  Now he added dirty talk to his repertoire, when Toma was already biting his lip not to come?  He sent a look down at Tomohisa, hoped it conveyed a threat, knew it probably looked more like begging.  Please, please Tomo, Tomo-chan, do that again.  I'll be good.  I'll play nice.

Smiling that shit-eating smile that would have made Toma hit him upside the head under different circumstances, Tomohisa threw him a challenging look.  Then something happened, Toma had no idea what, but the expression on Tomo's face changed; his breathing suddenly sped up. 

"Damn, Toma," he said, almost sounding awed, "you look so hot."

Yeah?  You should see it from my perspective, Toma thought.  He meant to say it, but he never got a chance.  Never get a chance to have another coherent thought, because Tomohisa's head bent again, and then that searching, inquisitive mouth was back, tasting and sampling for a bit, but then growing bolder, doing that thing again he had done so exquisitely and intuitively before.  Toma thought he was prepared for it this time - at least he was prepared enough not to bang his head again - but when that wetness engulfed him again, his hips bucked automatically.  He tried not to, didn't want to gag Tomohisa, but it was out of his control. 

A bit awkwardly at first, Tomohisa's lips slid back along his shaft, the cool air almost stinging along every exposed bit he abandoned, but then he slid back down and yes, he was perhaps a bit clumsy about it and their rhythm might have been slightly off, but maybe that was for the better.  Toma seriously doubted he would survive anything more expert.  As it was he was already afraid to look down, afraid that the sight of his cock disappearing in and out of that pretty pretty mouth would send him hurtling towards orgasm.  This was already going to be over way too humiliatingly fast.

His feet were pushing into the floor, pushing not to thrust into Tomohisa's mouth, but that was just too much to ask, he couldn't hold it, he couldn't...

With a drawn out moan he thrust into that delicious wet mouth and came harder than he ever had.  Even as he fell back, to earth, to the mattress, whatever, panting and spent, it occurred to him that he should have given Tomohisa some warning.  Had he swallowed?  Had he missed that?  

He noticed a weight across his lower half.  Was that Tomo?  He opened his eyes to find Tomohisa sprawled across his body, his cheek pressed up against Toma's belly.

Toma found he had to clear his throat a few times before he could produce sound.  "Get up here," he said urgently, "I want to do you, now."

Tomohisa lifted his head to give him a sheepish look.  "I kind of already came."

He came, just from sucking Toma off?  And he said it like that, as if he were apologising!  While Toma's cock was making a very valiant attempt at getting hard again, he reached down and hauled Tomohisa up so he could show him how much he shouldn't be apologising.  Tomohisa melted into their kiss, holding Toma close.  It was kind of odd to taste himself in Tomohisa's mouth.  Odd, but really fan-fucking-tastically amazing.

------

They fell asleep like that.  At two in the morning they woke up because they were cold and hungry, so they got up, got dressed and raided the fridge.  Afterwards they cuddled close together under the covers, not that they had much choice on Yamapi's narrow bed.

The alarm clock going off at six thirty was very unwelcome.  Groaning, Yamapi snuggled up closer to Toma.  "Do not want," he muttered into Toma's neck.

Toma stroked his hair reassuringly.  "I'm afraid there's nothing you can do about it."

Well, that wasn't reassuring at all.  "I could call in sick," Yamapi suggested, pulling back to give Toma his best puppy-dog look/pout combo.

With a feigned pained look, Toma put his hand in front of his eyes, as if he were shielding them from a bright light.  "Noooo," he called out in a dramatic voice, "not the pout!"  Smiling, he put his hand down, but then his expression sobered.  "Yes, you can ditch school.  And then your mum finds out and she never trusts you on your own again."

It was really kind of annoying when Toma was right.  "I suppose," he mumbled, still sulking.  Then an idea struck him and he shot Toma a hopeful look.  "What if I really were sick?"

Toma gave him a doubting look.  "I don't want to go to my rehearsals either, you know," he said.  "You think I don't want to stay in bed with you?"

"You do?" he asked in a little voice.

"Of course I do!" Toma burst out, giving him an incredulous look.  "Every teenage girl in the country wishes she were me right now."

Yamapi rolled his eyes, as Toma started giggling.  "Not funny!"  He tried to look severe, but it was very difficult with that gorgeous grin being flashed at him.  "You know," he said, something occurring to him, "I still want to have sex with you."

"Oh, thank god," Toma said, putting his hand on his chest as if he were about to swoon, "I thought you were going to dump me once you had your wicked way with me."

Yamapi hit his arm hard, but that only seemed to make Toma laugh louder.  "What is wrong with you this morning?"

"Maybe I'm just happy!"  With those words, he pounced, wrapping Yamapi in his arms and kissing him deeply. 

Oh, yes, that's how he wanted to wake up every morning.  However, that was exactly the problem. 

"I meant after my mum comes home, idiot," Yamapi said, pulling away from the kiss.  "We have to think of something more practical than waiting for my mum to visit my grandmother, which she does only every six months or so.  I'm not waiting six months to have sex with you again."

That effectively cut through Toma's happy happy mood.  His expression sobering, he nodded.  "Maybe we need Jin's help after all."

"Toma!" Yamapi yelped.  "Don't mention Jin while we're naked in bed!  Unless you never want to have sex with me again."

With an exasperated roll of his eyes, Toma pushed him out of bed.  "Get in the shower already, you ninny!"

He stood shivering next to the bed, watching Toma climb out as well.  "That's just lovely.  One day into our sexual relationship and you've already resorted to name-calling."

"Right," Toma agreed, "because I never used to call you an idiot before."  Yamapi sighed long-sufferingly, which just made Toma grin and push him towards the door.  "Shower!  Before you freeze your albeit very cute butt off!"

Grumbling, Yamapi let himself be manhandled out of his room.

------

If there was one thing Toma had learned in all those years he'd known Tomohisa, it was that he wasn't a morning person.  That he grumbled and whined his way into the bathroom was no surprise.  If anything, it was quite amusing.  It was only when Tomohisa stood underneath the warm shower spray that the first signs of a smile were starting to appear.

As much fun as it was to get dirty, getting clean wasn't half bad either.  There was something to be said for someone else's fingers rubbing shampoo into your hair, someone else's soapy hands running all along your skin, someone's else's hand around your cock, jerking you off, while you panted heavily into their mouth.

Anyone might think that at least that last part would wake Tomohisa up, but no, he sat at the breakfast table in his school uniform, his eyes still barely open, his chin resting in the palm of his right hand, his left hand occasionally putting pieces of bread in his mouth.  With no mums around they were making due with bread and jam.  Yet, instead of being annoyed by Tomo's moodiness, Toma found that he thought it all really too charming.

And just like that he saw it, a vision of what their future might look like.  They'd sit like this, having breakfast together, having woken up together, just like they did every morning.  Maybe they would be living together.  Tomohisa and NEWS would be big; Toma would have his own unit by then.  Hopefully.  Who knew, Johnny might have discovered that he was fighting a lost cause and might have debuted Four Tops after all.

Tomohisa lifted his head out of his hand and frowned at Toma.  "What?"

It took a moment for Toma to snap himself out of his silly fantasy.  "What?" he returned the question stupidly.

"You were giving me the dopiest look."  Tomohisa made it sound like an accusation.

Feeling caught, Toma ducked his head self-consciously.  "I was having a moment," he admitted with an embarrassed smile.

That brought a first real smile on Tomohisa's face.  Beaming, he pointed a finger at Toma.  "You were totally seeing it!  You were totally imagining us as "husband and husband".  He sing-songed the last words teasingly.  Unable to deny it, Toma covered his face and groaned into his hands.  "Hah!" Tomohisa yelped.  "And you call me the girl!"

"Yeah, well, at least it seems to have woken you up."

Tomohisa merely smirked, but he was still giggling under his breath: "Husband and husband."

"Yeah, yeah, you're hilarious.  Are you ever going to finish your breakfast?" he asked, trying to steer them away from his embarrassing moment.  "How does your mother ever get you to school on time?"

"Better get used to it, ..."  He left the rest hanging on purpose.  Toma could feel it coming, braced himself for it.  "Husband."

"Oh, god," he muttered, "I'm never going to hear the end of this, am I?"

"Nope," Tomohisa said, grinning evilly.

It made something snap.  Toma rose from his chair and walked around the table towards Tomohisa, who was watching him come closer with wide eyes.  Maybe his expression was giving him away, though even Toma didn't know what he was going to do until he did it.  He took a piece of bread and shoved it in Tomo's mouth.  There!  That would serve two purposes.  Get him to eat already and shut him up at the same time.

As always, though, Toma had miscalculated.  Instead of annoyance, a glitter of mischief appeared in Tomohisa's eyes.  With fast reflexes, he reached out and grabbed Toma's wrist.  His eyes holding Toma captive, Tomohisa quickly swallowed down the bread and then, drawing a startled gasp out of Toma, put two of Toma's fingers in his mouth and sucked.  It went straight to Toma's cock.  Stunned, he froze on the spot.  His mouth fell open, his breath caught as he stared back at Tomo.

Those sinful lips were wrapped around his fingers like they'd been around his cock last night.  Just remembering how that had felt made Toma's breathing speed up.  And then Tomohisa swallowed around his fingers; Toma couldn't help the little moan of pleasure that escaped him.  Tomohisa hadn't quite swallowed him last night; that would have been a little too much to ask from someone's first attempt, but god, the heated look in Tomohisa's eyes as they held Toma rooted to the spot told him that he wasn't adverse to trying.

Damn it, it was his turn, though!

"What's it like?"  Toma heard his own voice coming from very far away, as if it belonged to someone else.

Tomohisa let his fingers slip out of his mouth and thought it over for a moment.  Toma looked at his own fingers, wet with Tomo's saliva, as if they were a foreign body, not belonging to him.

"A little weird at first," he said.  There was a soft smile on his face as he called up the memories of last night; it only made Toma want it more.  "But then it gets kind of fun and really really hot."

Toma took a shuddering breath.  Yeah, he really really wanted it.

Tomohisa directed that intense look at him a moment longer, but then a wicked grin appeared, one that told Toma to brace himself.  Having accomplished his goal - make Toma completely and utterly horny - he jumped from his chair with a loud laugh.  "Right, I'm off to school!"

It took Toma a moment to process what had just happened.  He found he was gaping like a fish on dry land.  Finally, his eyes narrowed, he ran after Tomo.

"Oi!  Wait up!"

------

Now that they'd finally had sex, now that all that pent-up frustration and energy had found a release, Yamapi thought that the spark between them would slowly fade to something more manageable, but he found that the opposite was actually true.  That tension between them had only intensified; the more of Toma he got, the more he wanted.  Even as they sat next to each other on the train, he imagined that he could see the electricity crackling between them.  It was so intense even that he giddily wondered if everyone on the train could see it.  Did the other passengers look at the two of them and know that they were sleeping with each other?

Toma gave him a questioning look when he giggled.  Yamapi waved his hand back and forth to indicate that it was nothing, just him being silly, but perhaps Toma caught something in his expression, because he smiled back, his eyes crinkling with understanding.  It was really quite amazing, Yamapi thought, to have someone know you so well that they could almost read your thoughts.  It was exciting, but also kind of scary.

For the last ten minutes they'd been sitting next to each other without talking.  What could they say that was safe in public?  I can't wait until I come home from school so I can get you naked again?  Probably not.  At least Toma seemed to have got over his fear of being caught.  He wasn't leaving any space between them, his thigh warm and solid where it was pressed up against Yamapi's.   

Toma's stop was coming up; he had to change here onto another train.  Between them, obscured from sight by their bodies, their fingers found each other.  Again, Yamapi felt the current running between them and sucked in a startled breath.  Toma stroked his thumb across the back of Yamapi's hand for a moment, but then, to Yamapi's regret, he let go and stood up.  He picked up his bag from the floor and slung it across his shoulder.  Smiling warmly, he looked at Yamapi. 

"I'll see you after school?" Yamapi asked.

"Absolutely!"  The look in Toma's eyes said that he was as eager to get back to their earlier activities as Yamapi was.  That spark appeared to be crackling between them again; fancying that everyone on the train could see it too, Yamapi even cast a worried look around him.

The train came to a stop.  With a wiggle of his fingers in goodbye, Toma hoisted the strap of his bag a little firmer onto his shoulder.  "See you later."

"See you."

How pathetic was he, Yamapi wondered, when even Toma's leg brushing against his in passing made his breath catch?  He forced himself not to gaze after Toma, because that would be overkill.  Instead he played it cool, dug his earplugs out of his pocket and sliding down to the edge of his seat, fired up his mp3 player.  Still, he couldn't stop from sighing forlornly when the train pulled out of the station and Toma's back disappeared in the crowd on the platform.

------

Tomohisa gave a startled little yelp when Toma pushed him against the hallway wall, first with his hands, then the rest of his body. 

"All day," he muttered, nipping at Tomohisa's neck, "all day I've been thinking about it.  Couldn't stop thinking about it."

The taste, the feeling, what would it be like?  He hadn't been able to drive the image out of his head all day.  He'd been so distracted during rehearsals that Kazama had laughed at him and asked if he was taking over Yamashita's role of zoning out all over the place.  That remark had made Toma shoot him a glare that Kazama completely misinterpreted, had him stammering out an apology that Toma totally hadn't been aiming for.  It was just that Yamashita was the one causing him to space out, or rather the thought of what he wanted to do with Yamashita.

"I want to suck you off."  There!  He'd said it, what he'd been picturing in his head all day.

Tomohisa sucked in a breath and tilted his head back.  "Toma," he sighed.

"It's been driving me crazy." 

He lifted his head from Tomohisa's neck, their eyes met and then they were locked in the wettest, dirtiest kiss.  Tomohisa's hands had already got rid of Toma's jacket and were now on Toma's ass, pulling him closer and god, they were both hard already and they couldn't get any closer.  They were rubbing up against each other even as Toma pulled his shirt over his head and started on the buttons of Tomohisa's shirt, but god, he was so impatient his fingers kept fumbling with the stupid tiny buttons.

At his frustrated groan, Tomohisa mumbled something in his mouth that he couldn't understand, but then broke their kiss with a hot giggle that only made Toma want him more.  "Let's go upstairs."

"Good plan," Toma agreed, but letting go of Tomohisa turned out to be much easier said than done.  Moments later they were still kissing and humping each other right there against the wall, until Tomohisa finally pushed Toma away and glared at him.

"Upstairs," he said again.

Right.  He took a deep breath and a step backwards.  Tomohisa instantly started unbuttoning the rest of his shirt, ducking out of Toma's arms while he had the chance and ran up the stairs.  Toma followed him at a slower pace, forcing himself to calm down.  He wanted to make this good for Tomohisa.  He couldn't do that if he was this wound up.

Then he stepped into Tomohisa's bedroom and all thoughts of calming down were lost forever.  His breath sped up at the sight before him. Tomohisa was already naked on his bed, leaning back on his arms, his legs open and his cock hard, waiting for Toma.  It was as if every fantasy of Toma's had come true at once.

Despite his uncooperative fingers, which were trembling furiously, Toma quickly unzipped his jeans and shoved them off, kicking them and his underwear aside.  The next moment he was kneeling between Tomo's legs, looking his fill.  All day he'd thought about it, wondered about it, had the image flash through his brain at inopportune moments and now that he was here he was a little overwhelmed.  He wanted it, god, yes, how he wanted it.  Still...

"How hard can it be, if I can do it?" 

Toma looked up to find Tomohisa grinning at him and the tension broken like that, he burst out laughing.  "Good point," he agreed.  "Be careful of that wall," he offered his own advice, "it's much closer than you think."

Their eyes met; the same thought seemed to occur to both of them.  Tomohisa got off the bed and with the two of them, they pulled it further away from the wall and thus removed any danger of accidental brain damage.

"Right, where were we?" Tomohisa said, as he got back on the bed.

"Here, I think."

Right here.  Bashfulness suddenly gone, he grabbed Tomohisa's thighs, pulled him towards him and bent down to lick along his shaft.  As soon as the first taste burst on his tongue, Toma understood why he'd been obsessing over it all day.  He wanted more, he wanted more of that fantastic moan Tomohisa had let out.  Growing bolder he mouthed along Tomo's cock, learning its feel, savouring the wonderful noises Tomohisa was making.  He went steadily upwards, came to the head and didn't even hesitate.  His fist was around the base of Tomohisa's cock, holding it steady as he sank his lips down as far as they could go.

"Toma," Tomohisa groaned, hips bucking, but that too was good, was fantastic even.  He let his lips slide all the way back to the head and sank back down.  Tomohisa was squirming, was thrusting into his mouth, so he did it again.  And again.

Now he understood what Tomo had meant when he said it was fun, hot even.  It was hot to hear his name like that.  Maybe he could even...  He sucked lightly.

"Oh, shit!"

Oh, shit was right.  Tomo's cock was in Toma's throat.  How had that happened?  It was really fucking weird; Toma tried not to gag, tried not to move.  There was a pressure in his throat that forced him to swallow.

"Shit, Toma!"

That was it.  With a final thrust Tomohisa came in his mouth.  Even as Tomohisa's hips fell back to the mattress and his cock slipped out of Toma's mouth, Toma could just sit there, dazed.  He'd swallowed instinctively.  Watching Tomohisa lie across the bed, his chest rising and falling fast with every panted breath, his head flung over the bed on the other side - pulling it away from the wall had been a fantastic idea - he slowly came back to himself and smiled.  Not bad for a first try.

Tomohisa pushed himself up on his elbows, a look of wonder in his eyes as he looked down at Toma still on his knees.

"I think I'm gay," Toma said.

Tomohisa giggled.  "No, really?  What tipped you off?"

"I really like sucking your dick."

"In that case, I'm really, really gay," Tomohisa said.  He wiggled his toes against Toma's cock.  Toma hissed; Tomohisa's eyes grew big.  "Whoa, you're still hard.  Come here," he said, patting the mattress.

Slowly, Toma rose to his feet, sat down on the bed, where Tomohisa immediately proceeded to push him against the head of the bed.  "I can do that throat-thingy too," he said, pushing Toma's legs apart.  Lying on his belly he went down at once on Toma's cock.

Toma groaned.  "Do you have to win at everything?  Oh, fuck!"

Two seconds.  That's how long it took for Toma to come, stars shooting behind his eyes.

------

At least this time they remembered to scoot underneath the covers before they fell asleep.  Cuddling up close to Toma, Yamapi threw his leg across Toma's thigh and pulled him even closer.  They lay there for a while, just exchanging sweet kisses.

"Hey, Toma," Yamapi said softly.  Suddenly feeling shy, he lowered his gaze.  Instead of looking Toma in the eye, something he couldn't do while making this confession, he focussed on Toma's mouth instead.  That pink, full, amazing mouth that could break into the most breathtaking smile, or as proven mere moments ago, could do things that drove Yamapi insane.  "I wasn't laughing at you, you know."  Toma emitted a choked off sound.  "This morning," Yamapi clarified quickly, looking up to meet Toma's eyes again.  "I wasn't laughing at you this morning.  I was seeing it too.  I want it too."

A look of understanding appeared on Toma's face as he leaned in to kiss Yamapi sweetly.  "Tomohisa," he said some time later, and just from the way he said his name, Yamapi could tell that he wasn't going to like hearing what followed.  "I know you don't want to hear this."  Yamapi sighed, which made Toma smile warmly.  "But we really can't hide away like this forever.  We have to figure out what to do about..."

"I know," Yamapi interrupted, not letting Toma finish that sentence.

"I've been thinking about it."

"Hopefully not while you were sucking me off."

Pulling an exasperated face, Toma hit him upside the head.  Yamapi giggled.  "Is Kataoka still anal about attending every NEWS appearance?"

"Oh, yes."

"So he will be at the Johnny's Sport's event?"

"As far as I know," Yamapi said, wondering where all of this was leading. 

"We're going to need some help," Toma continued.  "I was thinking Ryo and Jin.  They already know about the two of us."

Yamapi nodded.  "They'd make a good team.  They can call themselves Akanishikido."

Toma rolled his eyes.  "How long have you been sitting on that one?"

"Years," Yamapi admitted, and giggled again.

Toma just gave him a look.  "Just a tiny bit of admiration for my brilliant plan would be appreciated," he said, but his voice was nothing but light and teasing.

"You haven't told me your brilliant plan yet," Yamapi pointed out reasonably.

"I'm getting to that."  Toma sighed long-sufferingly, which only made Yamapi want to giggle more.  "Like I said..."

"We need Akanishikido," Yamapi interrupted again and when Toma gave him another look, he added quickly, "please, can we call them Akanishikido?"

"Whatever," Toma sighed.  "I was thinking Jimmy as well." 

Akanishikidokey?  No, that would be pushing it.  He snorted at the thought.  Toma's expression told him that he knew exactly what Yamapi had been thinking.  He quickly schooled his face into a serious expression.  "Right," he said, "we need Jin, Ryo-chan and Jimmy.  I've been meaning to tell Jin about this whole mess anyway."

A sudden guilty look flashed across Toma's face; it made Yamapi frown.  "I already kind of told Jimmy."

What?  "Before you told me?"

"I needed someone's advice.  He told me to tell you."

Yamapi pursed his lips.  "At least he's got more brains than you do.  That'll come in handy for this plan."

"If we needed brains for this plan, I wouldn't include Akanishikido."

Yamapi giggled in triumph.  Toma shook his head and rolled his eyes.  "OK, mastermind," Yamapi said, "tell me your brilliant plan."

------

Unable to sleep, Toma found himself at the Tokyo Dome bright and early.  He was in fact so early that he appeared to be one of the first to arrive.  Or at least that's what the camera crew instantly attaching itself to him told him.

Damn!  The last thing he needed right now was a camera following his every move.

"Good morning."  He smiled dutifully into the camera, tried not to let the annoyance show when the camera crew followed him in the building and inside the elevator, where they bumped into...  "Ryo-chan!"  And damn, Kataoka was with him.

"Oh, good morning," Nishikido replied, looking barely awake.

"It's NEWS's Ryo-chan," he told the camera.  "How are you feeling this morning?"  He tried not to look at Katoaka, tried to ignore him completely.  Damn it, Nishikido, stop smirking!  You'll give the game away!

"Normal," Nishikido said, biting his lip not to laugh. 

Between him, Akanishi and Yamashita, it was going to be a miracle if they pulled this off, Toma thought, watching Kataoka escort Nishikido to the NEWS dressing room.  Guess it was too late to worry about that now.  He quickly found his own dressing room and discovered that he was sharing with Jimmy.  For the sake of their plan, he'd been hoping for this eventuality. 

It was ten minutes later - in the interval Jimmy had arrived as well - when he heard a voice outside, the voice that he'd been waiting for.  His heart instantly felt lighter when he stepped out into the corridor and saw Tomo walk in his direction.  His hair was still wet from his shower and as expected, his eyes were only half open. 

Toma couldn't resist.  As soon as Tomohisa was close enough he put his arm around his shoulder briefly.  "This is..."  He stopped himself just before he called him Tomohisa in front of the cameras.  "This is Yamapi just after waking up," he said.  It gave him a buzz announcing to the camera that he knew what Tomo waking up looked like.

With a shy smile, Tomohisa ducked his head and rubbed his eyes sleepily.  Damn, but Toma missed him now that things were back to normal.  Yamashita's mum was home, Toma was back in his own bed and Tomo was alone in his.  That living together fantasy of theirs couldn't come true fast enough as far as Toma was concerned.

"Give me ten minutes," Tomohisa said, "I'll be awake in ten minutes."

Of course you will, sweetie, Toma thought with fond indulgence.

"Yamashita-kun, over here, please."

They exchanged a look at the sound of that voice.  Play it cool, Tomo, he tried to send with his eyes.  Perhaps it worked, because Tomohisa nodded, almost imperceptibly, and turning, started to walk to where Kataoka was waiting for him.  Fortunately for Toma, the camera decided that Tomohisa was a better subject and followed along.  Excellent.  That left them free to get their plan into motion.  He turned to Jimmy looming behind him and smiled.

------

Ack, this really wasn't fair.  All he'd wanted to do when he saw Toma was jump him, but he could hardly do that with the camera right there.  He could at least have been given a moment to savour Toma's presence, but no, that ass Kataoka had to call him away immediately.  If there had still been any doubts lingering in Yamapi's head of Kataoka's guilt, they had been chased away by their manager's persistence that he and Toma not spend a single moment too long in each other's company.  The sooner they implemented this plan of Toma's, the happier Yamapi would be.

For now, he smiled sweetly at Kataoka and didn't let any of his inner thoughts show through.  This was one of those times when the Yamashita thing was his salvation.  With it, he was a master at keeping things locked inside. 

"The NEWS dressing room is right over there," Kataoka said, pointing to the door in question.  Really?  Yamapi would never have guessed, not with that sign saying "NEWS" right outside the door! 

"Thank you," he forced himself to say.

"I'll go see if any of the others have arrived."  With a pleasant smile, one that was now only adding fuel to Yamapi's ire, Kataoka walked off.

On finding Ryo already in the dressing room, Yamapi could no longer hold back his disgust.  "That guy is really starting to pi..."  He stopped talking abruptly when he saw that Koyama and Shige were there as well.  "Hi, guys," he said instead, giving Ryo an "oops!" look. 

"Good morning, Yamashita-san."  Koyama and Shige's greeting was almost simultaneous.

Yamapi sighed.  Slinging his bag from his shoulder, he dumped it onto the table.  He really wished they would stop using polite speech with him.

------

Fortunately they had been given the schedule of performances weeks ago, so Toma could time it perfectly.  Still, he'd come into the stadium this morning worrying about last minute changes.  He sighed a breath of relief when he looked over the schedules taped to every dressing room wall and found that there weren't any.

Like planned, the Juniors were out first, backing up Tackey and Tsubasa.  That meant Toma, Kazama, Hasejun and Jimmy, who were sharing a dressing room, just like Toma knew they would be.

"Right," he told Jimmy, "we have about five, maybe six, minutes to pull this off."

Jimmy gave him a determined nod.  "Let's do it!"

------

NEWS were now complete; all nine of them were gathered around Kataoka who was explaining the order of appearance.  Yet again.  In case they hadn't heard it the forty-three previous times.  Yamapi's thoughts were starting to drift off to that other plan that needed meticulous execution when an elbow dug painfully into his ribs.

"You're spacing out," Ryo hissed into his ear.

"It's kind of difficult not to," he hissed back.

"Told you Kataoka was up to no good."

Yamapi glared at him.  "Just focus on what's important."   And stop smirking!  You'll give it away!

------

As they came off the field, Toma saw his opportunity and grabbed it.  Or rather, saw NEWS waiting at the entrance, grabbed Tomohisa and pulled him into a dark corner.  They didn't have a single second to waste and so he didn't, instantly claiming that tempting mouth into a searing kiss.  Tomohisa moaned softly, returned the kiss fiercely, his fist clenching in Toma's shirt, but he immediately let go when Toma did. 

"Good luck," Toma whispered.

"You too."

Without a look back, Toma left.  Though he rather regretted having to miss it, he couldn't be there for the showdown.  Even Kataoka wasn't that stupid.  He could only cross his fingers that everything would work out according to his plan.

------

Tackey and Tsubasa each had their solo next, followed by KAT-TUN, which meant they had approximately four minutes before NEWS had to go out there.  Timing was of the essence in this plan.  They couldn't wait too long or it might upset the performance, which would have Johnny coming down on their asses.  However, they couldn't be too early; that would give Kataoka a chance to escape their clutches.  No, they had to time it just right.

If only Ryo would stop smirking!

KAT-TUN had run off to change into a different costume - how many costume changes were they going to go through anyway? - and were starting to reappear at the field's entrance one by one, Nakamaru still buttoning up his costume while walking.   The only one who was nowhere to be seen was of course Akanishi.

Yamapi watched in amusement as Kame looked around anxiously.  "Where's Akanishi?" he asked Tanaka, his expression a perfect combination of irritation and frustration.

Tanaka shrugged.  "I haven't seen him around."

"We're on in like two seconds!" Kame yelled.  He really did look like he was freaking out.  Yamapi had to give it to the kid.  He could act.

"Sorry, sorry," a voice yelled from far away.  Everyone in both NEWS and KAT-TUN turned to see Akanishi come running down the hall. 

Oh, good, Yamapi sighed.  He hadn't forgotten the vital detail of this plan.  With Akanishi, you never knew.

In his hand he was holding a cup of coffee.  It was sloshing about dangerously as he came running.  At least Jin was smart enough to hold it far enough from his costume.  If he got any on his clothes, Kame's anger would probably not be faked.

"I went looking for coffee and got lost in this maze!" Jin said in apology, coming closer. 

Yamapi was trying very hard to keep a straight face.

And then...  Oh, it was beautiful!  Jin tripped over his own feet, went stumbling across the corridor, right into Kataoka.  Among startled cries from various band members the entire contents of Jin's cup went flying in Kataoka's face, spilling down his suit jacket.  It almost made Yamapi wish the coffee had been hot. 

Their timing couldn't have been better.  "KAT-TUN, you're on!" the stage manager shouted.

"Jin!" Kame yelled.

"Oh, shit!"  His face twisted in mortification, Jin was rubbing the coffee even more into Kataoka's jacket.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he mumbled, while Kame was furiously pulling on his arm.  "Uh, got to go!"  The two of them ran onto the field after the rest of their band mates, just as Tackey announced them. 

Ryo was on it in a flash.  Before Kataoka could recover from the shock, he was already pulling at their manager's jacket.  "Here, let me get this for you.  You shouldn't let coffee dry.  The stain will never come out."

It seemed to work though.  Kataoka still looked kind of dazed, as he let Nishikido remove his jacket.  Koyama in the meantime had found a towel somewhere and was helpfully dabbing Kataoka's face dry, which Yamapi thought was rather a nice touch.

"NEWS, get into position.  You're up the moment KAT-TUN's done," the stage-manager announced.

Nishikido wavered, a convincingly indecisive look on his face, the jacket still clutched in his fists.  "But Kataoka-san's jacket!  It's going to stain!"

"Now!" the stage-manager hollered.

Quite coincidentally Jimmy happened to be passing by.  How fantastically fortunate!

"I'll get the jacket cleaned," he offered, smiling brightly.

By the time Kataoka realised what had happened his jacket had already been whisked away.  Laughing, Yamapi high-fived Ryo and ran onto the field.

------

All Toma could do was wait and send out positive thoughts.  He paced the little dressing room, sat down, drummed his fingers on the table, got up and paced some more.  Finally, Jimmy poked his head around the door. 

"Worked like a charm," he said and threw something silvery at Toma.  He almost let it drop out of his hands, he was so nervous.  "I'll go and get this washed out before that ass gets suspicious."

Staring at the cell phone in his hand, the very object of their elaborate plans, Toma slowly sank into a chair.  More than anything, he was stunned that his plan had actually worked, the plan he'd started forming when Tomo told him how Kataoka always kept his cell in his suit jacket's inside pocket.

"Akanishi was brilliant," Jimmy said in parting, before he ran off to do his part of the plan. 

Well, of course he was, Toma thought, still staring at the cell phone.  That was the precise reason he'd been picked for the part.  If there was one thing Jin could be counted on, it was playing the idiot.

OK.  Focus.

Taking a deep, calming breath, Toma flipped open the phone and sighed in relief when it flashed to life.  The moment it did, it was like something took over Toma, a sense of purpose that made his fingers fly across the buttons effortlessly.  The message-out box, that's what he needed to check first.  He didn't want to pry into the man's private affairs if he was innocent.

His breath caught as he scrolled the out messages.  Innocent, indeed.  There it was.  The very first text, sent almost three weeks ago to Toma's cell, warning him that someone was watching.  The idiot hadn't even found it necessary to delete the evidence.

Guilty as charged.

Any compunction he might have still felt now gone, Toma quickly went through the rest of the text messages, his mouth falling open a little further at every one he read.  Realising that this was too big to be trusted to his memory alone, he got out a notebook from his bag and started scribbling furiously.  He had about three minutes before NEWS were done and he was expected back out there.

------

Fortunately he'd been in the business long enough to know how to perform on automatic pilot.  Wondering how things were developing back in the dressing rooms, Yamapi's mind was anywhere but on the song he was performing.  Finally, the last chords rang along the stadium.  Yamapi tried not to stare at the dressing room entrance, but he couldn't seem to help himself. Tackey and Tsubasa came back onto the pitch, followed by KAT-TUN, and there was Jimmy as well.  Where the hell was Toma? 

Toma, come on, he mumbled under his breath.

He blew out a sigh when Toma appeared, looking slightly out of breath as he ran towards Yamapi.  Around him, NEWS members dispersed in every direction and mingled with the Juniors as they all became back-up for Tackey and Tsubasa.  Maybe it was the result of years worth of force of habit, but the whole group seemed to gravitate naturally towards a formation with Toma and Yamapi at its centre.  Whatever it was, it gave Yamapi a thrill.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Kitagawa!

Now that he was close enough, he searched Toma's face for any kind of clue.  Had he found anything useful on Kataoka's cell? 

Toma turned to him and flashed him a huge smile. 

Seriously? Yamapi mouthed at him.

Toma nodded and then quickly turned away again, singing along with Hitomi wo Togite at the top of his voice.  Guess he better do the same.  Turning his attention back to the performance they were supposed to be giving, he wished he could get a moment with Toma to find out what happened, but they would go straight into the games and Johnny had made sure to put Toma and Yamapi in opposing teams. 

With the suspense hanging over him, he settled down for a long day.

------

The five co-conspirators were gathered in a booth at McDonald's, their attention focussed on Toma's hastily written notes lying on the table between them.

"I feel horrible," Akanishi said.

"Me too," Jimmy sighed.

"So do I," Nishikido agreed.

"As you should," Tomohisa snapped at Nishikido, "it's your fault we started suspecting him in the first place."  Nishikido opened his mouth to object, but Tomohisa just barrelled through it.  "When all this time he was..."  Frowning, he turned to Toma.  "...he was protecting us?"

Well, yes, it did sound difficult to believe, but from what he'd found on Kataoka's phone that was the only conclusion he could reach.  If any of the other four were feeling bad for tricking Kataoka, Toma felt even worse for actually violating his privacy.

"Which message was it again?"  Jin picked up the notebook, squinted at it and then threw it back to the table.  "Seriously, Toma, you have the worst handwriting."

Toma shot him a glare.  "Did I mention that I had the length of NEWS' song to write this all down in?" 

"You did good," Tomohisa said sweetly.

Among an "aw" from Jimmy and twin-disgusted noises from Akanishikido, Toma picked up the notebook, found the relevant page and displayed it for all to see.  "Here."  The other four bent their heads over the notebook.  It was an incoming text message, dated one day before Johnny called Toma into his office and threw the photo in his lap.  "Five million or I send the pic to JK," Toma read aloud, in case Jin wasn't the only one having trouble reading his handwriting. 

Three pairs of eyes looked at him blankly; Tomohisa's eyes grew wide as he stared at Toma in wonder.

That's my boy, Toma thought with a proud smile.  "Care to do the honours?"  He indicated the other three, who were obviously still clueless as to what it meant.

"Toma got the photo from Kataoka a whole week before Johnny did," Tomohisa explained.  The other three still stared blankly.  "He kept the photo from reaching Johnny as long as he could."

Toma nodded.  "But he couldn't afford the five million that would keep the photo out of Johnny's hands and so..."  He made a helpless gesture with his hands.

"I feel awful," Jin repeated, looking even more down than he had before.

"Did Kataoka suspect anything when you brought his jacket back?" Tomohisa asked, just as his cell phone started buzzing.  He flipped it open and read the text message while Jimmy answered his question.

"Not that I could tell.  He even thanked me for cleaning his jacket."

"Don't be too sure."  Tomohisa's deflated tone made Toma look at him worriedly.   His face twisted, Tomohisa held out his cell phone so everyone could read the message.

The text message contained an address, followed by: "Be here in one hour.  Bring Ikuta.  Kataoka."

"He's going to bump you off!" Jin said, which made Nishikido, who was sitting closest, hit him upside the head.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Nishikido asked.  "We're in this as well, you know."

Tomohisa shook his head, even as Toma replied.  "No.  We got you guys into this mess.  It's our problem to get us out."

------

Arrived at the address in question, they were quite surprised to find that it wasn't some dodgy hole, but an elegant, if somewhat outdated rise of flats.  

"He's not really going to bump us off, is he?" Yamapi asked worriedly, as they stood at the flat's entrance.

Toma rolled his eyes and pushed him up the stairs.  "You really need to stop spending time with Akanishi." 

He sounded cocky, but Yamapi could tell that even Toma wasn't as confident as he made it seem.  Nearing the apartment in question, Yamapi shot Toma a surprised look when he saw that the door already stood slightly ajar.  Toma, looking equally astonished, shrugged.

Yamapi opened the door and peeked cautiously inside.  "Excuse us for intruding?"

"Come in," a voice called from inside.

Yamapi shot Toma another look and smiling reassuringly at each other, they walked inside. 

There he stood, waiting for them, his arms crossed, a pissed off expression on his face.  Right, he and Toma had talked about how they were going to deal with this situation; the only way they could, really.

As the door fell shut behind them, they bowed deeply from the waist.  "We apologise profusely for invading your privacy," they said in unison.

Yamapi wasn't sure what he expected, but it certainly wasn't a loud belly laugh.  Still bent over, he turned his face to Toma, who was giving him a similar shocked look.

"You two really are something," Kataoka finally said.  "You can stop grovelling now and come inside."

Still not quite at ease, Yamapi slowly straightened, still throwing Toma unsure looks.  In the meantime Kataoka had disappeared; he was nowhere to be seen.

His voice suddenly carried from somewhere inside the apartment.  "Didn't I tell you two to come inside?"

Startled into mobility, they quickly toed off their shoes.  "What's going on?" Yamapi whispered.

"How the hell should I know?" Toma whispered back.

They made their way carefully down the hallway and found themselves in a small, but cozy living room, where Kataoka was waiting for them, smiling a little too brightly for Yamapi's comfort.  He gestured towards the battered-looking sofa that turned out be surprisingly comfy when they sat down on it.

"Can I get you something to drink?"  Before either of them could reply, Kataoka added immediately, his finger pointed at Yamapi: "No alcohol.  I won't have NEWS involved in an underage drinking scandal."

"I'm good," Yamapi immediately assured, his eyes wide.

"Me too," Toma added.

Glad that Toma was sitting beside him, Yamapi pressed his thigh a little firmer against Toma's for that little bit of extra assurance.  His eyes followed Kataoka's every move as he sat down in the chair facing them.  The pleasant smile on Kataoka's face was certainly unexpected, and rather unsettling.

"You can tell Akanishi he owes me a dry cleaning bill," Kataoka said, still smiling.

"The stain didn't come out?"  Yamapi cleared his throat when his voice came out like a squeak.

Kataoka shook his head.  And then shook it again, this time in exasperated amusement.  "I have to give it to you, guys.  You're much more imaginative than I thought."

"It was Toma's plan," Yamapi said proudly and then flinched when Toma kicked his shin.  What?  He frowned at Toma and mouthed "ouch?" at him.   He was only giving credit where it was due.

Kataoka turned his smile towards Toma.  "Ah, Ikuta-kun..."  Toma and Yamapi shared a quick, worried look; Yamapi pressed his thigh a little harder against Toma's.  "I'm quite sorry that you're not part of NEWS."

"You are?" they said simultaneously.

"I was against splitting you up from the start," Kataoka said.  "I should think that whatever you found on my cell phone made that clear." 

Bowing their heads in shame, they darted quick looks towards each other.

"I didn't get to see much," Toma said, in a small voice.

"But you saw enough."  Again, their heads shot up in surprise when Kataoka laughed.  "You can stop looking so guilty.  I know I brought this on myself.  You wouldn't have had to resort to tricks if I hadn't been all dark man of mystery about it."

"Well, yes, there's that," Yamapi said with sudden vindication.  "What was with all the anonymous messages?"

Kataoka's face turned abruptly solemn.  "As much as I want to help you two, what do you think would happen to me if Johnny found out?"  There was no need for him to continue.  They all knew that instant dismissal would be Johnny's reaction.  "I can't look out for you if I'm not around."

"Then why?" Toma suddenly asked.  "Why are you looking out for us?"

Yamapi looked from Toma to Kataoka, because yeah, that was a good question.  Why was he risking his livelihood for them?

A warm smile appeared on Kataoka's face, creating an expression so sweet that it momentarily made Yamapi uncomfortable.  Toma seemed to feel the same way because he frowned at Yamapi.  Then, Kataoka reached inside his jacket, retrieved his wallet and took out a picture.  He handed it over to Yamapi with the words: "This is Ai-san." 

It was a picture of a very pretty young girl, seventeen, maybe eighteen years old.  Toma leaned closer against him to look at the photo as well; he smelled so wonderful.

"The moment we met I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her..."

------

Maybe that wasn't quite right.  Maybe he hadn't known at once.  He'd been too young and too stupid, and she had been such an awkward slip of a girl when they met. 

Thinking back on it, he couldn't even pinpoint when his feelings had changed, when he'd known that she was the one for him, for eternity.

He watched the two young people listen in rapt attention as he told them about her father and how he opposed their union, forbade her to see him, and how she, stubbornly and strongly, defied his wishes.  No doubt they could see their own situation reflected in Kataoka's memories, could now understand why he sympathised with what they were going through.  Because he knew what it was like, always hiding and sneaking off, afraid that they were going to get caught.  As far as Kataoka could see there was nothing else he could do but help them. 

"What happened to her?" Yamashita asked, his eyes round in wonder.

Kataoka smiled, his heart lighting up, just like it always did when he thought of her.  He wondered if it ever wouldn't; prayed that day would never come.  "I married her."

Two mouths fell open in almost identical looks of astonishment.  "Seriously?" Yamashita asked.  The kid did use that word a lot, Kataoka thought with a smile.

"Yeah, seriously.  That's why you shouldn't believe anyone who says that you're too young, that you don't know what love is.  Don't let anyone tell you that it's just puppy love."  He suddenly chuckled.  "Well, perhaps it is.  Only time will tell, I guess."

Yamashita ducked his head shyly, a colour creeping up his cheeks.  Ikuta, too, didn't know where to look.  For a moment Kataoka felt bad putting them on the spot like that. 

"I'm just saying," he added quickly, "that you deserve a chance to find out.  You like this place?"

The confusion at the abrupt change of topic showed clearly on the boys' faces.  They looked around, Yamashita wrinkling his nose in something that was dangerously close to contempt. 

"It's... lovely," Ikuta said, trying to be diplomatic.

Kataoka sniggered.  He knew this wasn't a palace, but what he was about to say would make it into one.  "What would you say if I told you that you can use it whenever you like?"

Ding ding ding!  That did it!  They first gaped at him, then at each other, then back at him.

"Are you serious?"

Ikuta slapped the back of his hand lightly into his boyfriend's thigh.  "Stop saying that!"  Then he turned to Kataoka.  "But are you?"

Kataoka put a hand in his pocket.  "I made you these."  He held a hand in front of Yamashita and one in front of Ikuta.  As they both held out their hand, he dropped a key into each.  They gazed at it for a moment, then looked back at Kataoka.

"Wait," Ikuta said, the key still lying untouched in the palm of his outstretched hand.  "It's not that I don't want to trust you.  You've proven that you can be..."

Kataoka understood all too well.  "I have no interest in watching skinny teenage boys having awkward sex."  Both of them now turned an interesting colour.  "This isn't some dirty sex circle.  There are no hidden cameras anywhere, but you're certainly free to check."  He gave them an appraising look.  "And if you don't want it..."  He held out his hand for the keys back.

Yamashita snatched his hand away.  Ikuta's hand too closed around his key.  Guess they had made up their mind to trust him.

"There was someone there for me and Ai when we needed it.  That's all I want to offer you.  A safe haven where you don't have to worry about Johnny or your parents or the press."  The boys were looking at him as if they couldn't believe their own ears.  That was OK.

"You could have told us this weeks ago," Ikuta said.

He had a point.  Kataoka sighed.  "Yes, I could have.  Would you have trusted me?"

"Probably not," Ikuta admitted.

There was something in his face that Kataoka recognised.  "You still quite don't, do you?"

Ikuta shrugged.  "I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt."

Under the circumstances, perhaps that was all he could expect.  He understood that it would take time to earn their trust.  He just hoped that in time they would understand that he genuinely had no ulterior motive other than helping them. 

------

So here they were.  It was Sunday evening, they had their own place, or as close as, just like they'd fantasised about and they were both too ill at ease to do anything more than a bit of cuddling.  Then again, watching television together, cuddled up close to each other on the comfy sofa had a particular charm all its own, Toma contemplated, waiting for Tomohisa to return from the bathroom.

"What are you watching?" he asked when he came back into the room.

"Something really interesting."  Toma giggled, as he pulled Tomohisa onto his lap.

"Really?" he asked, turning his attention to the TV screen, looking intrigued.  The expression on Tomohisa's face changed immediately when he saw what it was that Toma was watching.  "Oh, god, no." He tried to get away, but Toma laughed and tightened his arms around him.  "Didn't I tell you not to watch it?  It's embarrassing," he whined, wiggling on Toma's lap in a way that was going to prove quite distracting if he kept it up.

On television was the Domoto Kyoudai with the members of NEWS as special guests.  The bits he'd seen before Tomohisa arrived had been quite good; Toma had no idea what he was being so embarrassed about.  Particularly when Domoto Tsuyoshi went into one of his bizarro monologues and Tegoshi was brought in to bear the brunt.  The kid had a natural cheekiness about him that was going to bring him far in this business.

The next segment had Toma laughing out loud.  "Oh, poor Kato-kun!  Nishikido's being mean to him," Toma said in a teasing, sing-song voice.  "Someone really needs to tell that boy that's how Nishikido expresses his feelings.  The more he likes someone, the more he teases."

"Naaah," Tomo said, grinning.  "Let Kato-kun figure it out himself.  It's more fun this way."  He chuckled.  "Besides, I think Ryo-chan'll find that Kato-kun's already taken." 

Toma gaped at him.  "Taken?  But he's like what?  Twelve?"

Tomohisa rolled his eyes.  "He's sixteen, Toma!"

"Wow!  NEWS really is a hotbed of intrigue, isn't it?"

Tomohisa smiled and kissed him.  Sighing, Toma pulled him closer, lost himself in the kiss.  He wasn't so lost, though, that he failed to notice someone trying to distract him away from the NEWS interview.  He understood why when he heard something that made him pull away from the kiss and stare at Tomohisa. 

His face scrunched up in mortification, Tomohisa gave him a wary look.  "I said it was embarrassing!"

On screen Tegoshi was gushing, going on and on about how much he admired Yamapi, how honoured he felt to be a part of Yamapi's group.  The camera turned to Tomohisa who was cringing at the words.  Toma could understand why; he'd been witness to plenty of Tomo's rants about Tegoshi, how a kid his age and with his lack of seniority shouldn't be debuting yet.  It must have been painful to be lauded into high heaven like that.

"In the dressing room," Tegoshi said on TV, "whenever our eyes meet, I feel really happy."

"Oh?" Toma said, giving Tomohisa a look.  Tomohisa's face was now so scrunched up, his eyes had practically disappeared.  "Should I be getting jealous?" he teased. 

Tomohisa's eyes flew open.  "Yes," he said, looking extremely annoyed now, "I'm going to run off with that baby face who still has his milk-teeth!"

"You might have been lured away by his voice of an angel," Toma quoted Tomohisa's words back at him.  At the look of utter disbelief on Tomo's face, he laughed.  Wrapping his arms around Tomohisa tightly, he fell back onto the sofa, taking Tomohisa with him. 

When he saw that Toma was yanking his chain, Tomohisa hit him playfully.  "You're awful," he said, but he was laughing too.  "I don't know why I'm dating you."  He couldn't mean it very much, seeing how he immediately started kissing Toma.

Toma sighed happily into the kiss.  It wasn't going to be easy, but they'd keep fighting Johnny.  As long as he had this, Toma knew that he could do it.

Epilogue

At least the party was in a private room, separated from the rest of the restaurant, Toma thought, smiling as he neared the rowdiness.  Walking inside, his smile grew even bigger at the sight in front of him.  Tomo was passed out on a couch, his head leaning on Kame's shoulder.  On Kame's other side was Akanishi; he saw Toma walk in and with a tilt towards the other two beside him gave Toma a "aren't they cute?" face.  The look on Kame's face when he spotted Toma was more of an exasperated "get your drunk boyfriend off me and home" variety.

As Toma neared, Tomohisa, his eyes still closed, spoke.  "I like you."  His speech was slurred; it was clear that he had trouble getting the words out.  "Seriously, Jin," he added, "I love your boyfriend."

Anyone might think that it was the booze talking, but Toma knew that the sentiment was real.  So many years Tomohisa had spent whining that he couldn't stand Kamenashi and all it took was for the two of them to be cast as the leads in a drama together for Tomohisa to discover that he might have misjudged his best friend's boyfriend.  Of course, whenever Toma pointed this out to him, reminded him that it had only been his jealousy that had prevented him from appreciating Kame, Tomohisa still denied it vehemently.

Jin sniggered and grinned at Toma.  "Yeah?  Just remember he's my boyfriend and you've got a boyfriend of your own."

These words brought a dopey grin to Tomohisa's face.  "My boyfriend is the best actor in the whole world," he announced, his arms wide.

"Best supporting actor," Jin pointed out, which made Tomohisa blow out an indignant raspberry, "my boyfriend has a best actor award."

"Only because of my brilliant supporting performance, isn't that right, Kame-chan?"

"No, Pi," Kame said firmly, shaking his head with a roll of his eyes.  

Toma grinned.  Squatting down before Tomohisa he took his flailing hands and held them in his own.  "And it's not the whole world, sweetheart, just Japan."

His eyes opened, the smile growing even dopier as he saw Toma.  "Hey," he said, his voice soft with affection.

"Hey," Toma returned the greeting.  "Had enough partying?  Ready to go home?"

Tomohisa nodded, which made his head roll off Kame's shoulder.  He looked surprised for a moment, but then did manage to lift his head, though it looked like it took a lot of effort.  Laughing, Toma pulled on the hands in his.  Though he found his feet, Tomohisa immediately fell against Toma.  

"Say goodnight to your playmates," Toma told him.

Tomohisa wagged his hand back and forth in a feeble attempt at a wave.  His head was nestled in Toma's neck, totally trusting him to take care of him.  It shouldn't be this endearing, hauling your drunk boyfriend's ass around, but it made something warm blossom in Toma's chest.

He didn't mind, really didn't.  Tomohisa was only twenty-two.  Between university, a busy acting and singing career, he was allowed to blow off a little steam.  Besides, if he didn't get his partying and drinking out of his system now when he was young, when could he?  It just wasn't something that Toma enjoyed.  He preferred a nice dinner and good conversation.  But they understood that about each other, allowed each other the freedom to do their own thing.  And Tomohisa never drank and drove.  Toma would never forgive him if he did.

With his arm around Tomohisa's waist, Tomo leaning on him heavily, he guided them towards the door.  In a corner of the room he suddenly spotted Nishikido who waved goodbye at them.  That Nishikido was a part of the Akanishi drinking troupe hardly surprised Toma; Nishikido often was.  The thing that did take Toma by surprise was Nishikido's companion and how close the two stood together.  Tomohisa was always ranting about him and their band mate Kato-kun, threatened to bang their heads together one day if they didn't figure it out themselves.  Perhaps they finally were.

Tomohisa gurgled something in his neck.  Grinning, Toma tightened his hold on him, hoisted him a little straighter as he guided him towards his car.  Four years into this relationship and he still hadn't lost that protective feeling towards Tomo.  Guess he never would.

It hadn't been four easy years.  Johnny had been true to his word; he'd done everything in his power to make life difficult for Toma.  He'd started with making NEWS official - to nobody's surprise - and even though they'd been more or less prepared for it, Toma and Tomohisa still cried when Four Tops too were officially disbanded.  But Johnny hadn't stopped there.  He'd taken Shounen Club away from Toma as well, had debuted Juniors much younger than Toma while Toma had been left to his own devices.

Sometimes Toma still wondered if Johnny really thought he could break him like that.  Then again, there had been times when he'd thought he would.  His doubts ran the highest when he'd had to resort to bit parts that should really be beneath him while Tomohisa was offered star roles without even having to work for it.  Yet through it all, Tomohisa had been there for him, had reminded him that they were fighting for a reason.  It had always given him the strength he needed to keep on fighting.  And then, six months ago, he'd been given his big break, been cast in the role that had catapulted him into the public eye again, had the critics paying attention, had brought him back the status he'd thought he'd lost.

As he rummaged in his pocket for the spare key to Tomohisa's convertible, Toma noticed a flash in the corner of his eye.  Oh great, he thought, wondering which magazine would be running that photo.  No doubt it would be bearing a classy headline like "Yamashita and boyfriend Ikuta drunk again".  Though it probably wouldn't say boyfriend.  Miraculously they'd managed to keep that particular side to their relationship safe from the press.  Toma knew that they couldn't have done it without Kataoka's help.  They really owed that man a debt in gratitude.

Manoeuvring a drunk Tomohisa into the passenger seat wasn't easy, but Toma was quite used to it by now.  Even when he was sat behind the wheel and Tomohisa leaned his head against Toma's shoulder; he'd even learned to drive like that, no matter how awkward it was. 

"Where else am I supposed to put my head?" Tomohisa had once said, when Toma complained what a pain it was driving with Tomo's head on his shoulder.  "It's a convertible!"

Which was Tomohisa's problem, because it was his car and he was the one who bought it, but apparently not according to Tomohisa.

"Hey, Toma," Tomohisa said, as Toma pulled the car into the night-time Tokyo traffic, "I want out."

Toma sighed.  "I know, sweetie." 

The first time Tomohisa had said those words had given him the shock of his life; he'd thought that Tomo wanted out of the relationship.  Tomohisa had rolled his eyes and called him an idiot.  What Tomohisa wanted, what he brought up almost every time he got drunk, was not get out of the relationship, but come out with their relationship.  He was tired of always hiding, always having to be careful not to get caught.  So was Toma; he wanted nothing more than announce to the whole world that they were together.  It was just that Toma was a little less naive about the consequences than Tomohisa was.  He knew that once they were out, their lives would immediately get a thousand times more complicated.  And then there were the millions of fangirls who would spontaneously commit mass suicide if they knew that Tomo had become unavailable to them.

"You promised," Tomohisa slurred.

Yes, in a weak moment he had.  Literally a weak moment, when Tomohisa was fucking him so sweetly he couldn't even think the word 'no', let alone get it past his lips.

"And you know what we agreed," Toma replied, smiling fondly at Tomo's scrunched up face, before turning his attention back to the traffic.  "When you've graduated."  Tomohisa made a grumbling noise, but didn't object.  He knew that was the deal they'd made. 

When Tomohisa had finally told him his motive for choosing business and marketing as his major, it had shaken Toma to the core; he still couldn't think about it without a sense of awe.  And that was exactly why it was important that he had that degree in his pocket before they made such a drastic change in their lives.

"Toooooma," Tomohisa interrupted his thoughts, "I think I'm going to..."

"Hurl?  Just remember it's your car and you're the one who's going to have to clean it up in the morning."

Tomohisa seemed to think it over for a moment.  "I think I'm not going to hurl."

Toma chuckled.  "Good boy."

They had reached their destination.  Though they would forever be grateful to Kataoka for what he'd done for them, they had their own safe little haven now.  Officially they both still lived at home, but this was where they spent most of their nights. 

Having parked the car, Toma turned to Tomohisa.  "We're home."  He groaned when he got nothing but snoring as reply.  "Come on, sleeping beauty, even if I physically could, I'm not carrying you inside."

After a bit of shaking, Tomohisa finally woke up enough for Toma to push and shove him out of the car, up the stairs and down the corridor of their building.  Tomohisa leaned on him heavily while Toma unlocked the door of their apartment, ushered him inside and sat him down on the step to take off his shoes.  Really, it shouldn't be a routine by now, Toma thought, still unable to feel anything other than amusement.

Down the corridor, into their bedroom, and he could finally drop his charge onto the bed.  He fell sideways across the mattress and was instantly asleep again.  Toma shook his head as he started pulling Tomohisa's jeans off and his shirt, then pushed him until he was lying more or less in the right direction and threw the covers over him. 

He puffed out an exhausted breath.  "You are so making it up to me in the morning."  He smiled, knowing that Tomohisa would.  He always did, in the most inventive ways.

------

A gust of cold air came in when the shower stall door opened, leaving Yamapi shivering for a moment.  Soon, though, he sighed as hands slid across his shoulders and down his arms, and a soft kiss was pressed to the back of his neck.

"How's your head? 

"Not too bad."  He wasn't even saying it for Toma's benefit.  He'd definitely had worse hangovers than this.  Or maybe his tolerance for alcohol was increasing.  He hummed under the soft magic that Toma's hands were weaving.  "And getting better all the time."

"Good," Toma said huskily into his skin, his hands now on Yamapi's hips, pulling him closer until he was flush against Yamapi's back.  He was hard, Yamapi noticed, a shiver of anticipation running along his spine.  "So a little playtime isn't out of the question?  You owe me, you know."

Oh, Yamapi knew.  Not just for hauling his ass home, again, but for so much that Toma'd had to put up with for the sake of their relationship.  He let his head fall back to steal a kiss, but that soon wasn't enough.  Turning, he wrapped his arms around Toma, pulled him in for a deep kiss.  Toma's fingers slid into Yamapi's wet hair, their kiss getting hotter and dirtier, while Yamapi's hands were on Toma's butt, grinding up against him, groaning with pleasure.

The groan turned into one of frustrated disappointment when Toma pulled back from their kiss and gave him a cheeky grin.  "You finish your shower and think about how you'll make it up to me.  I'll be in the bedroom waiting for you."  And with a quick peck on Yamapi's lips, he left the shower again, leaving Yamapi panting with want. 

Fuck, Yamapi thought, watching that hot piece of ass walk away from him, then listening to the sounds of Toma drying himself off.  He wanted Toma so much.  He couldn't imagine ever not wanting him.  He finished his shower in record time.

"I can't make up my mind," he announced, still drying his hair as he walked into the bedroom, his vision obscured by the towel around his head, "suck you off or have you fuck me."  He pulled the towel from his head, lifted his eyes and promptly felt his mouth grow dry.  Toma was leaning against the head of the bed, his legs wantonly open, pumping his cock leisurely.

How did Toma do that?  How did he still get to Yamapi so effortlessly? 

The sight in front of him was enough to make the dilemma in Yamapi's head decided.  In a flash he was on the bed, had gently but firmly slapped Toma's hand away and had swallowed his cock in one go.  Toma let out a breathless little laugh, shoved his cock deeper into Yamapi's throat without much consideration.  Not that he didn't care about Yamapi's comfort; they were so in tune with each other now, knew each other's bodies so well that there was no need to be careful anymore. 

They'd both come a long way from that first blowjob so many years ago.  Yamapi could play Toma's body like a virtuoso, like he was doing now, letting Toma fuck his mouth, while he was still pulling at Toma's hips, arranging him in the position that worked best for both of them.

"Damn, you really do love sucking my cock, don't you?" Toma said, his voice breathy and husky, but still amused.

Yes, yes, he really did, but there was no need to be so smug about it.  With a slow slide all along Toma's cock, he let it slip from his mouth and gave Toma a narrow-eyed glare.  "I've changed my mind."

"Aw, Tomo, don't be like..." Toma started, but the smile returned when he watched Yamapi fall on his stomach, stretch his arms until he could reach the bedside table drawer.  He returned with a tube of lubricant, squeezed a generous amount into his palm, then threw it onto the mattress as he rubbed the lube between his hands.  His eyes locked on Toma's, he felt the heat between them rise.  His breath caught as his hand closed around Toma's cock, pumped it a few times to coat it completely with the lubricant.  A quick, thoroughly dirty kiss later, he fell back onto the mattress onto his stomach, making his demands known wordlessly.

"How is this fair?" Toma complained behind him.  "I get your drunk ass home so you don't crash yourself to death, and this is my reward?  I have to do all the hard work?"

Yeah, Yamapi could tell he was really heartbroken about it.  "Deal with it."  He sighed when loving hands stroked all along his back.  "I'm the one with a hangover," he said, as the hands went lower.  He shuddered out a breath when fingers stroked between his buttocks.  "I'm just going to lie he..."  His words were cut off by a groan when two fingers worked their way inside.  As always, it felt a little uncomfortable at first, but then they found that magic spot that made stars shoot before Yamapi's eyes.  Groaning even louder, he couldn't stop himself from pushing back onto Toma's fingers. 

"Toma," he groaned.  He let out a little sigh of disappointment when Toma withdrew his fingers, but then, oh, yes, that was even better.  Slowly, Toma's cock pushed into him.  Yamapi's fingers curled in the sheets as he panted his way through the initial discomfort, but then Toma was completely buried inside him.  His body covering Yamapi's completely, he breathed heavily in his ear: "OK?"

"Give me a moment."  In response Toma kissed his ear, didn't move, though Yamapi knew it couldn't be easy.  Ah, yes, there it was.  The pain had subsided; all there was now was a vastness that felt just right, just perfect.  "OK."

Toma left a quick kiss on the back of Yamapi's neck and then, slowly, pulled back and just as carefully pushed back in again.  Their groans came simultaneously. 

"Oh, yes," he breathed, "Toma, yes, more,"

More encouragement wasn't needed.  Toma's rhythm picked up slowly, but surely, and god, it was so good, so good.  Nothing but pleasure now, intensifying with every thrust.  His body was buzzing with it, with the way they moved together so perfectly, the connection between them so exquisite.  Even as he panted and clawed at the sheets and groaned with pleasure, he marvelled at how they fit together.

And then, just as the pleasure had built to a point that almost seemed unbearable, Toma grabbed his hips and pulled him onto his knees and god, then he really got into it, fucking Yamapi hard and fast, and oh, it made his eyes roll to the back of his head.  He could only gasp and try to breathe through it and then Toma's hand was on his cock, stroking him just once, fast and not gentle at all.  His mind going blank, he came hard.  In the back of his head he was vaguely aware of Toma still holding onto him, still fucking him, until he too came with a groan and they collapsed onto the bed. 

Curled together, Yamapi's leg was thrown across Toma's thigh, as had become his custom.  "Toma," he said, still drowsy, feeling like his bones were made of liquid.  "I know I always bring it up when I'm drunk, but..."

Toma didn't let him finish, kissed him sweetly, before pulling back and looking at him with nothing but understanding in his eyes.  "I know.  I want it too."

"So?"  He gave Toma a hopeful look, felt himself fall in love all over again when Toma smiled at him.

"When you've graduated.  That's what we agreed."  At the disappointment that Yamapi couldn't keep from his expression no matter how he tried, Toma added: "When you've graduated.  Then we do it.  Then we beat Johnny at his own game."

THE END