RISK ASSESSMENT

Jennifer Macy

a parenting magazine

One of the most terrifying moments of my life occurred as I moved into my first apartment in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I was unloading my pickup, after hauling those essential items that my son and I could not live without until the moving van arrived. Zach, a few months shy of four, was playing in the living room as I carried boxes from the truck to the living room floor. The apartment was two-story, so I dropped boxes by the back door to rearrange later. Zach’s toy box was one of the first things I unloaded, dumping some toys in the living room floor, near the corner and out of the path I would be walking as I unloaded. I said something to him each time I passed him, on my way in or out. As I returned with a load from the truck, I glanced over to say hello. My heart nearly stopped. Zach, in all his creativity, had pulled the toy box to the window, turned it over, climbed it, and was proceeding to wrap the long cord from the mini-blinds around his neck. I dropped the boxes and sprinted to him. I unwound him, my chest pounding. I was too upset and too relieved to scold him, although I did anyway – “... you never wrap things around your neck, Zachary...” and other such axioms of parenting flowed from me. We had been in the building not an hour and already he had found something potentially fatal to entertain himself with! I promptly tied that cord up higher-than-high, and scoured our new apartment for other dangers.

There isn’t a child alive who hasn’t dropped his parents heart on ground with some near-fatal calamity, entirely of the child’s doing. Not only are there the typical dangers of household accidents and strangers on every street corner, there seems to be some sort of testing that children do of their parents. They seem to want to know if we’re really paying attention, to keep us on our toes. Amotz Zahivi, a 73 year old Israeli with a life-time studying birds, has an idea about the natural world that would prove those parents right.

Zahivi’s idea, the handicap principle, states that all species survive not despite their riskiest and most dangerous behaviors, but because of them. Animals and humans alike behave in seemingly reckless ways both to attract mates and to scare off predators and competitors. The handicap principle for the young is that they purposefully endanger themselves both to blackmail and to test their parents. In birds, this behavior is demonstrated by the chirping of the young for their parents, behavior just as likely to attract predators. In human children, it’s behavior like running toward traffic rather than away from it after a parent’s panicked call, or throwing fits in public places, which may attract more attention than just the parents. Suicide, whether attempted or successful, is another example, as is running away. The degree of danger of involved is measured against the individuals actual risk of death. This doesn’t mean young children are purposefully putting themselves at risk, but instead implies there may be an instinct for “fooling around”, or risky behavior, in potentially dangerous situations.

So if it seems sometimes like your kids are testing your alertness, your attention, and how much you care, they may very well be. Simple “foolishness” and dangerous play may really have some instinct to it. Really, what IS it about wrapping things around one’s neck? They all do that, don’t they? Raising children has enough dangers to watch out for without worrying about them endangering themselves, but it’s part of the job. Then again, perhaps part of the evolutionary process includes the child’s ability to take year’s off Mom’s life with a well-played test.

Conniff, Richard

2001 Discover. Why We Take Risks.