Carly: What do you want?

 A.J.: Your immortal soul. What else?

Carly: My first-born. Come to think of it, you know, there's something about you that's -- maybe that evil glint in your eye. you do you have a very distinctive Rumpelstiltskin quality about you.

A.J.: That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me -- outside of my immediate family, of course.

Carly: Oh, of course. 

AJ: Rumpelstiltskin was a genius. Look what he w [sorry didn't get this part. Hope to have it up soon.]

Carly: Honey, I'm fresh out of straw.

A.J.: You seem to be fresh out of a lot of things. You know, Carly, I never figured you for brownstone life. There’s something depressingly communal about it, isn't there? You see, myself, I always envisioned you in a house on a hill, glass and steel, with skylights.

Carly: Well, this is temporary, that's all.

A.J.: uh-huh. Until something more majestic comes along, right? First rule of life enhancement – when your surroundings lack splendor, you order in. Hold that thought. [leaves and returns quickly with a big gift box.]

Carly: What is this?

A.J.: Portable splendor.

Carly: Oh. Well, thanks for the thought, but I'm not for sale. So why don't you take that box and make sure the lock catches on your way out.
 ----

Carly:[as she opens the gift. It's a CD player.] Ooh, it is state-of-the-art.

A.J.: Uh-huh. Whoops. So, shall I order that stationery?

Carly: Don't get carried away, huh?
Oh, wow, cool. C.D.’s?

A.J.:Yeah.

Carly: what have we got here? Jazz, R&B, reggae. Huh? Opera?

A.J.: Don't rule it out.

Carly: Oh, yeah, right. You thought I'd enjoy a little [struggles to pronounce name] Verdi?

A.J.: Carly, opera is a way of life involving sable coats with significant jewelry and, most of all, the right kind of people.

Carly: Yeah, the kind of people who don't mind waiting
four hours for the fat lady to sing.

A.J.: No, the St. Swithins
sort of people –

Carly: Look --

A.J.: The kind of people you'll want Michael to know.

Carly: You know how Jason
feels about that.
 
A.J.: Jason is not Michael's mother.

Carly: That's true.

A.J.: Yes. Now, Carly, you will be handling the cultural end of things. I mean, when Michael's not learning about motorcycle repairs, he'll have time to focus on the finer things in life you know, i was 5 or 6 when Grandmother introduced me to the opera.

Carly: Oh – (I’m pretty sure she says “awww”)

A.J.: "Figaro." yeah, "Figaro," I think it was and i got to tell you, I was so proud to be escorting this grand lady. I want Michael to experience that very same thing.

Carly: Meaning what? You see me as the "grand lady"?
 
A.J.: Not yet. But you -- you have all the makings.
---

Carly: [referring to AJ, who is trying to set up the CD player] You're not done yet?

A.J.: I'm getting there.

Carly: Well, jeez, it's taking forever.
 
A.J.: So what? Are you entertaining? A soiree for the top of the a-list?
 
Carly: If I was getting ready for a party, you'd be fired by now.
 
A.J.: Good help is hard to find, especially at these prices. You know something? You don't need a stereo system for a party. You could hire your own string quartet.
 
Carly: Oh, yeah, right, or some druid priests to chant.

 A.J.: Ok, a band. A band of your choice, but make it tasteful, please.
And no offense, but that's not what you're wearing
 
Carly: Backless velvet. Black.
 
A.J.: Not too revealing.

Carly: Just revealing enough.

A.J.: For a grand lady such as yourself. You're not a rock star or a tabloid queen.
 
Carly: You are deliberately taking forever so you can stay and mingle with my guests.
 
A.J.: I have my tuxedo in my toolbox.
 
Carly: Well, then, it must be too wrinkled to wear.
 
A.J.: Spandex.

Carly: Spandex is frowned upon.
 
A.J.: Ooh, you're good at this.
 
Carly: Yeah. Unlike you, i catch on fast. Are you sure you know what you're doing there?

A.J.: Yeah.

[Door opens and closes]

Carly: Oh, that must Jason. So you can tell him what a grand lady I'm going to be. [Yells]We're in here!
 ----

A.J.: Ok, here we go again, you with your steely-eyed stare. Next you'll threaten me with bodily harm unless i vacate the premises immediately.
Look, aren't you bored with this routine yet? Huh? Let's mix it up a little bit, shall we? Why don't you ask me what I'm doing so I can tell you --
 
Jason: I can see what you're doing.
 
A.J.: There's nothing hidden, no kidnapping mechanisms. Can't be activated in the middle of the night to abduct sleeping babies from their cribs.
 
Carly: As a matter of fact, Michael has been upstairs the whole time.

A.J. Never asked to see him, and I wouldn't have let him if he had.  I deliberately waited until after Michael went to bed so that I wouldn't be accused of anything.

Jason: Do you know what you're doing?

A.J.: Yes, as a matter of fact.
 
Jason: Then you realize you're attaching that whole thing backwards.
 
 Carly: Oh, goody. You know what? It was really, really nice of you to bring me this, but why don't you let Jason take over.
 
A.J.: What? I can handle it.

Jason: Well, it'll go a lot faster if you look at what you're doing, that is,
 if you want to get done. Personally, I don't care how long it takes you --
 
A.J.: As long as I finish the job on the stoop, right?
 
Jason: As long as Michael is not in the room. This isn't my house.
Carly sees who she wants.

Carly: Why don't you not push your luck.
 
A.J.: Me, push? Ha. Never let it be said. Let me know how you like it.
 
Carly: I actually like it already. It looks powerful. And I can't wait to blast some life into this house.

A.J.: Enjoy.