South Park

Cartman Gets An Anal Probe

The jaunty little closing music
Faster Version of the South Park Theme Song
South Park Theme Song
know it was just a dream, I know I didn't have an anal probe...
Don't kick the baby.
I love to sing-a, about the moon-a and the June-a...
I'm not fat, I'm bigboned.
Somebody's baking brownies.
But Mom, I don't want to spend time with my little friends...
Ow, that hurt! You buttlicker!
I don't want powered donut pancake surprise!
It's my turn...
Chef's song of advice to the boys.
Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs.
Well, that does sound pretty good...
...and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon, and discovered France.
..not under alien control!
Cows turn themselves inside out all the time
Hey you scrawny ass $%!@....
No, Mr. Garrison, I'm fine..... *FART*
Yeah, whatever you fat bitch.
Go find him damnit!
...sit in the corner until your flaming gas is under control?
Screw you guys, I'm going home.
I don't want to ask Mr. Hat...
Mr. Hat gets pissed.
Holy crap!
Chef discusses what an anal probe is...
Don't try any of your cow hypnosis on me.
Ow! My ass!
No kitty, this is my pot pie...
I am seriously getting pissed off right now...
Stan wants to kiss, Wendy Testaburger!

Weight Gain 4000

The bitch must die!
Damn, he could be anyway, send out an APB.
BEEFCAKE! BEEFCAKE!
...goddamn, that's a big fat ass!
You've got to come out of your precious bubble sooner or later..
Black as the night itself, Mayor.
... hang up the lights! String up the banners! Castrate the cows!
... and lick every inch of your body with my tongue...
Do you have a feather on your head?
CARTMAN, GODDAMNIT!
Daaamn woman, I just gave you sweet lovin' 5 minutes ago...
Is there somewhere in town where I can get a good shot, er view....
You'll sit in front of the TV and eat Cheesy Poofs, ass master!
The entire WG4000 commercial.
Follow your dream. You can reach your goals. I'm living proof. Beefcake. BEEFCAKE!
'm gonna be on television... I'm gonna be on television!
That'll be wonderful, won't it Mr. Hat? KILL HER!
would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids.
... and I'm looking totally ripped... Beefcake! BEEFCAKE!
Sweet, check me out. I'm such a beefcake, I can't even fit through the door.
You talking to me? I don't see anybody else around here, so you must be talking to me.
Yeah, I'm really starting to fill out nicely...
Oh, look! Another hippie. Peace Wendy.
Nobody hates rainbows..

Volcano

I don't think 8 year old kids drink beer
My mom says there's alot of black people in Africa.
Christ, Ned, what did you have for breakfast?
Christ, look at that little bastard go!
Jimbo passes out the necessities of hunting.
Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
Jimbo's speech is interrupted by a bird.
I'm not hysterical. I just don't want to shoot the bunny.
Cartoon's kick ass.
Gosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery hand.
It's comin' right for us!
Holy Crap!
Look a volcano! Quick, duck and cover!
Ned says hi to Mrs. Cartman
Democrats piss me off!
Goddamnit don't shoot me.
Hi kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
Ned and Jimbo show Kenny the proper way of fishing.
Danforth, pull up flank! Watch out for Charlie up in the trees!
Ned vows never to use a gun again.
Frrrriend.
The mayor talks about her geologist.
Mmmm, holy crap!
Stan, do you want to know what I think?
Ned burns.
...but Kenny's dead, and you're always going to be my nephew.
Kenny's death.
Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Cartman.
Ned sings Kumbaya.
Chef's 'Lava' Song.
The educational filmstrip 'Lava And You' in its enirety.
Hey, I'll blow your freaking head off.
This is like the gun I used in 'Nam.
Cartman describes the monster of the mountain....

Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride

The school can't afford helmets for everybody...
Thatta boy Spark! Go get her.... ahwwww crap.
Elementary school alumni?
Hey, wait a minute, why the hell does he get an A Minus?
We treat star athletes better because they're better people.
I'm sssuper, thankss for asssking.
Boom! No more Middle Park players, hahaha!
I don't want a gay dog. I want a butch dog. I want a Rin-Tin-Tin.
John Stamos's brother can do it.
Oh! My carrot cake!
An odd, 'non' South Park sound closing theme.
Do you like to dance?
Good boy. Now... don't be gay! Don't be gay, Spark.
Stan's post football game speech.
...evil right down to their cold black hearts, which not pump blood like yours and mine...
We have all sorts of gay animals here at Big Gay Al's.
Tell them that there are gay animals here that need homes.... desssperately.
That is the gayest dog I have ever seen.
Over here we have a gay lion...
That's right! You get back there!
I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.
Now you go outside and practice football like a good little heterosexual.
You've got to hold your football like your lover...
That dog is a gay homosexual.
haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant...
...I am the way for you, my children. Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions.
I haven't seen a Jew run like that since...
Yes, he's been decapitated!
Did you guys see me block that defense today? I was kicking ass!
I haven't seen so many children molested since...
Chrisitans and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!
Speaking of pounding ass, here comes Stan's little homo dog!
Stan forgot to mention that his dog is a gay homosexual.
I haven't seen a beating like that since Rodney King...
We're all big gay friends here. Would you like to live with us?
Loving you is easy because you're beautiful... du di doo doo!
We're not sad anymore because we're out the closet door!
No way, dude. My mom says god hates gay people. Thats why he... smoked the sodomies in France.
He doing something to his ass. He's not kicking it, but he's definitely doing somethinng to his ass.

An Elephant Makes Love To A Pig

I have created things that will change the world for the better...
I present to you, the 5 assed monkey...
You put all of the people of South Park in jeopardy...
You boys have been watching the 'X' Files too much... theres no such thing as...
And here, of course is my 4 assed ostrich, and my 4 assed mongoose.
Hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!
Hey Stan, where did you get that black eye?
You know, its amazing what we can do with a little blood sample these days.
Oh thank Buddah I found you boys.
... immediately kill him and burn his body...
Can I help you?
And over here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk, and a beard.
Chef and Elton John create the mood...
Come on Fluffy!
Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill...
He's terribly dangerous. His brain is identical to yours!
I know a certain young man who is itching for detention!
Eegads, he's out of control, we'll have to destroy him!
Well good job, Einstien, why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime...
...hey woman, you shut your mouth, and make babies.
It wasn't me Uncle Jumbo, it was my evil, genetic clone.
Oh my god, they cloned a foot!
French people piss me off.
The bad kids discuss the 'gay' clone.
Halfway? Then all you got is a stupid, gay pig.
Mr. Garrison tells the kids about Genetic Engineering.
Oh? Then I guess you get an F.
Do what I do. Get them good and drunk
You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass.
Me Stan. Butt chomp. Butt chewy chomp. Butt chewy chomp...
Headgear? What headgear?
Hello children.
Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to be to make sweet love to the pig?
You're not using any of Fluffy's blood, cuz I'll kick you in the nuts.
No elephant is going to make love to my Fluffy... Kyle! I'll kick you in the nnnnuts.
Why don't you stop dressing me up like a mailman and make me dance for you...
Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?
Pig and elephant DNA just won't splice!

Death

I don't want to touch that with a 40 foot pole.
Did you know that over 400 people are eaten naturally by lions every year?
Why is Death coming after us?
I just had a brown baby boy.
Your...mom...is...a...bitttttch.
If there are any questions, you may direct them to that brick wall over there.
Kyle, don't be such a butthole.
Carry on.
Cartman makes a little bit of noise.
You got the cow all tied up?
Bye Grandpa. It was nice knowing you.
... it looks like... Death
What changed you into such demonic bastards?
That's a bunch of crap. Kyle's mom is a dirty jew.
Damnit Billy,do you want a dollar, or doncha?
My uncle says that smoking crack is kinda cooool
This music is terrible. Its cheesy, its lame, yet soothing at the same time.
...Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something and I always end up getting screwed by it.
Kenny has explosive diarrhia
Hehehe, he farted right on his head.
That show's for babies, it so stupid!
Billy, help Grandpa stick this fork in the outlet.
I've got the green apple splatters
New York, here we come.
You can't kill my grandpa Stan
You pompous son of a whore!
Well, maybe because I'm the son of God, brainiac.
I'm not touching that with a 60 foot pole. Next caller?
No! It was that little Kenny bastard that gave it to me!
Kenny gives a heartwarming, moving, even poignant speech.
...are killing themselves in front of the Toon Central building, one by one.
I think I'm already having withdrawal. Huhuhuh.

Pink Eye

Kenny's family is so poor...
There have been alot of incredible advances in topical cream in the past few years.
You owe me a Sweety Pop asshole!
No, no. You're the assmaster. There's a difference...
Well... let's get back to it.
Dude, dressing up like Hitler is not badass.
Sick! Barf is gross!
That's good. Just use those mouth muscles like the girls in Beijing
A passing bird passes gas.
C'mon children. Lets gather 'round and bob for stupid apples now
Good going Kenny. She was about to give us candy.
Remember the candy. Focus on the candy.
Nobody screws up my 'Trick or Treats' and gets away with it.
Chef interupts a routine checkup...
Whoa, Chef's really scared of ghosts, huh?
...don't you be afraid. Just because my heart ain't beatin' doesn't mean yuo won't get laid.
No way dude. I'm gonna win the costume contest with this sweet Chewbacca costume.
Ah c'mon Stan. Maybe that's because you look like a total choad.
Clyde is hungry for brains...
Dead people getting up and walking around AND Tina Yothers comeing to town...
Ok, lets go Trick or Treating now. Come on!
I don't like Kenny anymore. He just doesn't communicate.
Halloween isn't about costumes and candy...
At least my Mom isn't on the cover of CRACKWHORE Magazine!
Goddamnit, my Mom is not on the cover of CRACKWHORE Magazine!
Hope you kids like chocolate peanut butter Cream Puffys.
DAMNIT!
Remind me to whoop your ass good next time I see you.
DAMN Johson. What the hell has gotten into you?
I'm so hungry, all I can think of eating is... brains!
I don't want to see an educational video!
The 2nd place award for best costume goes to...
Oh, love the Elvis costume, Chef.
Why don't you go back to Endor, you stupid Wookie!
...its ok with me because Eric is cooool.
Just wait till everyone sees my sweet Chewbaca costume...
Kenny! Your family's poor Kenny! Your family's poor!
The kids enjoy a good ripe one.
Finsh her dude, she's a zombie now!
I can't wait to own a fishing tank
Just form a line, I have enough topical cream for everybody.
Heyyy, they all dressed up like ghosts too.
Hey Stan, you look almost pretty enough to kiss.
Let us remember the good times. Kenny would have wanted us to...
The entire 'Good Times' Speech...
Yeah, granola pisses me off.
Lets try to keep our hands and arms to ourselves, ok?
...then there won't be anyone to give us candy!
...eating Kenny's pudding.
Hey dudes!
Hey look out. Holly Hobby is all pissed off!
We have to call that Worcheshersher Sauce hotline!
... if Worchestshire Sauce has been used for embalming, please press... BEEP!
What are you supposed to be Stan? Howdy Doody?
Oh my god, I killed Kenny. You bastard!

Damien

Let the new prince be decided on Saturday...
Oh, that's exciting, my mother was from Alabama.
Take your stupid Ants in the Pants with you!
You should be ashamed of yourselves, betting against your Lord and Savior.
Hi kids, I only do autographs after the show!
8 minutes until recess is over, you little bastards!
Now that is a man who has eaten alot of beef!
Shoved it right up my ass!
With my love deep inside you, where no man has ever been...
That's my favorite kinda chili!
Being the new kid can be tough, but I'm your friend - okay?
That is one fudged up little cracker!
This fight has been ordained since the beginning!
Damien gives his gift to Cartman...
Say, "Hi!" to Damien!
Thou must taketh me to the seedling of Satan, so thine eyes can confirm the wretched truth.
...but now I think they like him because he picks on me.
Turn him back you butthole!   He has to buy me the Yellow MegaMan!
Ehhhh!
Wow, that kid has some real emotional problems!
Yeah, we're gonna call you FartBoy from now on!
Oh, excuse me new kid, I didn't mean to fart on you, I didn't have a choice.
I don't need acceptance, I'm the son of Satan!
Fight Damnit!
Michael Buffer makes the pre-fight introductions...
Let the final battle between good and evil be fought - right here in South Park!
...I will take all of your hard earned money and return to hell a much richer Prince of Darkness.
My father foresaked me.  The town foresaked me.  I'm completely foresook.
Jesus, we're sorry, could you ever forgive us?
I have been forsaken!  It seems several bets were changed to Satan this morning!
Get the hell out I said.   The party's over.  Get out goddamnit!
I'm changing your present to a Yellow MegaMan, since Kenny's been changed into a duckbilled platypuss.

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