Jonathan just stood there looking at her. He could not believe how pale and cold she was. He hardly recognized her. He knew that he had to be there for her when she woke up. He did not want to leave her side. Just then the door opened and in walked Stephen Edwards, he was shocked at what he saw. He had never in his life seen his daughter like this. She seemed so frail. He knew that she had a long road ahead of her but she was strong and some how she would get through it.
"Stephen, how was your flight?" Jonathan asked.
" It was just fine, thank you. Jonathan I just want to say how truly sorry I am. I can't even imagine to begin to understand what you are going through."
"Thank you for coming Stephen, she is going to need both of us. This is going to hit her hard and I am not sure she will get through this. Not only did she lose the baby but also the only way they could save her live was to perform a hysterectomy. How am I going to tell her that she lost the baby and can never have children?"
"Good Lord Jonathan, I never imagined it was that serious. I know my daughter and she will get through this. I know the love that you have for each other will get the both of you through this. It will take time but somehow you will."
Stephen looked at his daughter again and had tears in his eyes. Never in his life had he seen his daughter like this she was always so strong and full of life. He could only hope that she was strong enough to get through the pain and agony of losing the baby. He bent down and kissed his daughter on the forehead and whispered in her ear how much she means to him and that he loved her.
Doctor Kramer had been in to see them and told them that the next few hours were critical but she was showing signs of improving and that he saw no signs of further complications. She would have to be monitored and watched very closely, but he was hoping with in the next few days she would be transferred out of the intensive care unit. Jonathan and Stephen thanked the Doctor for coming in and speaking with them; then they focused their attention back to Jennifer.
Jonathan looked out the window at the rain coming down. Stephen went back to the house with Max. They tried to convince Jonathan to go with them, but he would not hear of it. The doctors allowed him to stay in the room with her. He saw the connection and the love they had for each other. Jonathan had a lot on his mind. His business meeting did not go as planned. Someone was buying Hart Stock in small amounts and he was not sure who it was or what they wanted. Where they planning a take over? Why were they buying stock in small electronic and automotive companies he owned over seas? Jonathan knew that he had to go to London but he did not see that happening any time soon so he will send Stanley and Lou. That is why he has them on his pay roll. He knows that whey will get to the bottom of the story and keep him up to date with all that is going on over there. Jonathan heard a noise that brought him back to reality. He looked over at his wife.
"Darling, thank God you're awake. How do you feel?"
"Jonathan what happened? Is the baby ok?"
The look on Jonathan's face told her all she needed to know. The tears started to fall down her face.
Jonathan was speechless he could only cradle his wife and let her cry.
"There is one other thing darling that you need to know. They could not stop the bleeding; you were losing too much blood. The only way they could save your life was to perform a hysterectomy."
"What are you saying, I will never be able to have a baby? Why would they just do that? Do they not need consent to perform that kind of procedure?"
"They had consent," Jonathan said.
"Who would tell them it was ok? Was it my father?"
"No Darling, it was me."
"You? Why would you do that? Jonathan you know that giving you a child was important to me. Who gave you the right to make that decision for me?"
"Who gave me the right? I am your husband and I love you. My life would be incomplete without you in it. You are the most important person in my life."
"I know that you love me Jonathan that is not the issue. This is too overwhelming. I need to be alone. Just go home and get some rest."
"Darling, I do not want to leave you. I want to be by your side. We need to get through this together."
"Maybe. But right now I have to get through this myself. Just go home and come back later."
Jennifer rolled over and looked out the door. Jonathan knew her to well and knew how stubborn she can be once her mind is made up. He bent down and kissed the top of her head picked up his coat and left. Jennifer rolled over and looked out the window and just started to cry. Jonathan watched her from the door and cried along with her.
The hot shower felt good but Jonathan felt guilty for not being with his wife. Jonathan had not really slept and he missed not having Jennifer beside him. He hoped that she was feeling better after a nights sleep. He knew this was not going to be easy but somehow they would manage. He did not know how long he had been in the shower but he did know that he did not feel any better when he got out. Max was in the kitchen; he had put a pot of coffee on and was going through the fridge looking for something to make for him.
"No, that is ok Max. I am not really hungry. But thanks anyhow."
Stephen was on his way downstairs. He had heard Jonathan and was anxious to find out how his daughter was. "Jonathan, how is she?"
Jonathan was sitting there wondering if he had made the right decision.
"Jonathan, are you ok? How is my daughter?"
"Stephen. Sorry, I did not hear you come in. I am just thinking if I made the right choice."
" You mean giving consent for the hysterectomy? She woke up and she is upset with you for making that decision for her, isn't she?"
" How did you know?"
"Jonathan, she is my daughter and I know her very well. Better than she will ever admit to. Trust me, she will get over this and she will understand why you did what you did."
" How can you be so sure?"
" Jonathan the love that you have and have always had for my daughter has been nothing but pure. The choice you made was the right choice. You were faced with a difficult one and her life depended on it. I am grateful to you for it and always will be. Thank you."
The nurse lifted the lid of the plate and realized that Jennifer did not eat anything. "Would you like me to get you something else?"
"I am only allowed liquids. What else could you possibly get for me?"
"Ginger ale, Jell-O... anything if you will eat it. You are not going to get any of your strength back if you do not start eating."
"I am not hungry right now but maybe I will eat something later, just leave it there."
The nurse leaves it there and leaves the room. She takes a call from Doctor Kramer and Jonathan. Neither one of them is happy about the fact that she is not eating. Just after lunch Dr. Kramer decides that Jennifer is doing well enough to be moved out of intensive care and into a regular room. He moves her to a private room on a step down surgical unit. He feels that she still needs close monitoring, but is not critical enough to remain in ICU. He pays her a visit just after lunch and has a long talk with her.
"Good afternoon Mrs. Hart I am Dr. Kramer. I hope that you like you new room. I picked it out especially for you. I am glad to see you looking so good. I was in the emergency room the night they brought you in."
Jennifer just looks out the window. Thinking quietly.
"I guess you are not in the mood to talk? Look I understand that you have been through a lot but you really need to start eating and getting out of bed."
"Are you married doctor?" She asks.
"Yes I am, we were high school sweethearts."
"That is nice. Do you have children?"
"Yes we do."
"So actually you do not understand what I am going through."
" I guess I don't. Why don't you tell me."
Jennifer just looks at him with tears in her eyes. Wondering what it is he is really after and what he really wanted to know.
"Ok doctor. Let me start from the beginning. I knew from the moment that I met Jonathan that I was going to marry him. We had met in England. I was trying to get information on a deal that he was making with Kingsford motors. See I was over there working for a small newspaper and I knew that if I could break the story it would go worldwide. He didn't know who I was. I had to meet him to get the story so I made up a name. By the time he realized who I was it was to late the story had already hit the London papers. I did not write the story it was all a set up to discredit him. I still remember the look on his face when he figured out who I really was. I also remember thinking I am going to marry him. You know he proposed just three days later."
"That was a short courtship. Not much time to learn anything about each other"
"I knew all I needed to know about Jonathan. He is a wonderful man with a gentle caring manner."
" You really do love him I can see that."
" Yes I do. You see he lost his parents when he was six. They were killed in a car accident. He was staying with some neighbors at the time. They sent him to an orphanage and nuns raised him. See he was six and everybody wanted babies or toddlers but not a boy who was six. He was there until he was 14. Then he found Max. Max took him in and raised him. Helped make him the man he is today. Jonathan always wanted a child. He wanted to be the parent his parents never had the opportunity to be. I never really wanted a child a first. My mom died when I was 12 so I never really had a motherly influence. I was sent to boarding school and never really saw my dad except on holidays and long weekends. The more I was with Jonathan the more I realized what a great daddy he would make and I was starting to like the idea of us having a child. I remember the look on his face the first time I told him I was pregnant. He was so excited. I'm not making much sense am I?"
" That's ok you have been through a lot besides I am enjoying listening to you tell your story."
"I wasn't able to carry the baby past three months. I remember waking up and not feeling that great. I just thought it was morning sickness. Jonathan had already left for the office. As I walked to the bathroom I remember buckling over in pain. I could not move. The next thing I remember was lying in a pool of blood. I knew that I was losing the baby. I remember calling an ambulance and then Jonathan. You know he blamed himself for weeks. He thought it was because we had made love the night before. I told him that was not the reason. I had three more miscarriages after that. I had pretty much given up. I could not face the look of excitement then the look of disappointment on my husband's face. I knew that I could not go through it anymore. I had pretty much accepted the fact that I would not be able to give my husband a child."
The doctor just sat there, looking at her and he was beginning to understand her pain. He was realizing that she was not just grieving a the loss of their child but at the fact that she would never be able to give her husband the one gift that she can only give him. He was beginning to understand what she was feeling.
" So tell me Mrs. Hart. What did he say when you told him you were pregnant this time."
" Are you sure you have time to here this Doctor I know you are a busy man; I am not your only patient."
"I have plenty of time. I have cleared my schedule so I have all the time you want. I am a very good listener."
" I know that you are."
Jonathan was getting ready to go to the hospital to see his wife. He had called the hospital earlier that morning and the nurses had told him that she had a good night and the she had been moved to a private room. He was glad that she was doing better. They also told him that the doctor was in talking to her. That is a good sign he thought to himself. He could not wait to have his wife home again. He loved her so much and he was anxious to have her home and next to him in their bed. It seemed so lonely without her. He was hoping that after a nights sleep she would realized how much he loved her and that she would understand why he did what he did and would forgive him.
Just as he was getting ready to leave for the hospital Lou called and let him know that they still had no lead on who was buying the stock. Lou explained to Jonathan that they were buying the stock under different names and it was untraceable at this time. It was becoming apparent that it was the beginning of a take over.
" Look Lou I can not leave Jennifer right now. I want you and Stanley to go to London and see what you can find out. You are the only two that I can trust. I have my suspicions but I do not want to speculate until I have more facts, which you will hopefully bring back with you."
The California sun was shinning brightly through Jennifer's window. The sun was reflecting off her auburn hair, it was easy to see why Jonathan loved her so. Jennifer was sipping her tea contemplating how much she should tell, how much detail should she get into? She figured she would just continue. She has pretty much told him everything, but first she wanted to know about the doctor who was sitting next to her. Why did she find it so easy to talk to him? He was a complete stranger and yet she felt completely comfortable talking to him. Telling him things that she wouldn't even tell her closest friends.
" Before I continue doctor I would like to know a little about you. I am not the kind of person who usually opens up and tells all to complete strangers."
"You have a point Mrs. Hart. I just came in here and never really told you who I was. Well I have been working here in the emergency room for a little under three years. I am originally from Nevada. My father is a minister and I though I wanted to follow in his footsteps. I went to seminary school for a few years before I changed my mind and realized that I could help people more by becoming a doctor. My father is proud but does not agree with me. He feels that we can all help people, no matter what road we choice in life. So are you ready to continue?"
" Yes I am. I waited well past three months before I told Jonathan this time. I could not bear the though of seeing the disappointment in his eyes again. I planned the night so perfectly. When I was first told that I was pregnant I though it was a joke. I could not believe it. Why was this happening again? In my heart I knew it was only going to be a short time before I miscarried again."
" Can I ask if you were using birth control?"
" I was on the pill. Jonathan had planned this romantic get way. He packed everything except my birth control pills. It was not deliberate he just didn't think about it. Men usually never think of those things. I never really gave it much thought, because the thought that I might become pregnant was the furthest thing from my mind. It was a weekend full of excitement, and wonderful lovemaking."
"When did you tell him you were pregnant?"
" I wanted to be sure that I was going to be able to carry the baby full term before I told him. I told him on Father's Day. He had once told me this story about his dad and a pocket watch that he always carried. I found a pocket watch just like the one he described to me. I had it engraved for him and gave it to him that evening. He was so happy. I was happy. Finally I would be able to give him a child. Now the one thing I really wanted to give him I can't." Jennifer could not control the tears anymore. They just flowed down her face. The doctor just sat there felling her pain. He had a full understanding of her and the love she has for her husband.
" You know Jennifer this is a terrible thing that you are going through, and it is not fair. But you have to listen to me. You husband loves you more than his own life. I was the one who told him that we had to do a hysterectomy and I remember the pain and the hurt in his eyes. He did not want to have to make that kind of decision. But his love for you took over. He made the only decision that was right."
" I know that he did. But it still does not stop the pain. You know I only had two more months to go. We had the nursery almost finished. I was to meet him after lunch to go shopping. If I hadn't asked him to meet me I would not have lost the baby. If my lunch hadn't run late I would not have lost the baby."
"You can not blame yourself for this. This is not your fault! I know that this is hard right now and I have don't have any idea what you are going through, but I do know that with time it will get easier. You will get through this but you have to talk to your husband you have to tell him what you are feeling. Don't shut him out. He is grieving just as you are. Let him in."
" I keep thinking that this is a horrible dream and that I will wake up in my husbands arms and it will be over. But is not. It is real. This really happened and I do not know how I am ever going to be the same. It feels so different this time. Maybe because I carried the baby for so long. I just got so attached. You know I actually enjoyed it, and now I will never be able to experience that feeling again."
Just then his beeper went off.
"I am sorry, I have to take this call. I will come back and check on you later."
"That is ok. I am sure I have taken a lot of your time. I think I will get some rest."
"Promise me you will talk to your husband, and tell him what you are feeling. I have to go but if you need anything just call I would be happy to come by and talk or just listen."
"I will keep that in mind you are a good listener."
Dr. Kramer leaves Jennifer's room and takes his call. It is his wife and he tells her how grateful he is to have her and there kids in his life. After talking to Jennifer he realized not to take things for granted, for those precious gifts can be taken away without notice. Something his father and seminary school had taught him but some how he had forgotten.
Jonathan is pulling in to the hospital parking lot. He can not forget how terrible Jennifer looked last night. She was so cold and pale. He wished it had been him rather than her that had been hit. He wished that she did not have to go through this again. He knew that the previous miscarriages had been hard on her. They had been hard on both of them but harder on her. He tried to hide his disappointment from her but she knew him to well and knew how much this upset him. She knew how much he wanted a child.
The elevator doors opened and Jonathan got off and walked towards his wife room with a dozen long stemmed roses. He was hoping the seeing him and the roses would lift her sprits. He walked in the room and just stood there and looked at her then thanked god for not taking her away from him. He walked towards her. She looked up from the article she was reading. He bent down and kissed her on the forehead.
" Good morning darling how are you feeling?"
" I am a little sore but I will be ok. How are you doing?"
" I am doing better now that I know that you are ok and still here with me."
" Is my father still here?"
" Yes he is. He sends his love. He wanted to come with me but he said we needed sometime together. Max will bring him by after lunch."
" I never asked you how you business meeting went. Have you figured out who is buying the stock?"
" No we have not but I am not concerned with that right now. I am more concerned about you and how you are feeling. You are my top priority right now."
" Jonathan I am so sorry. If I had not suggested that we go shopping this never would have happened. How can you ever forgive me?"
" How can I forgive you? How can you forgive me? I made a choice that has changed your life forever."
" You were forced to make a choice that you really did not want to make. A choice that you never would have had to make if I had not been late, or if I had not suggested that we even go shopping."
"Jennifer you can not blame your self for this. This is not your fault. This is the result of someone drinking and driving. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. That is all."
" I was in the wrong place because I was late. If I had been on time it never would have happened."
"Jennifer you do not know that."
" I know that I have disappointed you again. The one thing that you really want I can no longer give to you. I don't even know how you can stand to look at me. Maybe you should find someone who can give you a child."
" I don't want someone else, I want you. I love you. You are my whole life you are my reason for living. I want you whether we have a child or not. I do not understand where this is coming from. This is not like you Jennifer."
" Well maybe you do not know me as well as you thought you did. I think you should go to London for that business meeting. You need to find out who is buying the stock. I know that you canceled your plans after the accident. Stanley called here looking for you; he told me that you were sending him and Lou. Jonathan you need to attend this meeting. If you do not go you could Hart Industries."
" I would rather lose Hart Industries than you. I am staying here so we can get through this; together."
"No, you're going to London and I am going to Maryland once I have been discharged. I have to get through this myself before we can deal with this together and you need to find out who is buying up Hart stock. Take Max with you he needs a vacation. I'll be ok. The Hart Jet leaves at 6:00. I have already called Max and told him to pack your bags. My father will be flying with you. There is no need for him to stay."
"So that is it. You have already decided that it is better for you to deal with your feelings, by yourself. Well what about my feelings. It was my baby too you know. I am hurting just as much as you are. I want us to talk and try and get through this. I love you."
" I know that and I feel guilty enough. I could not bear it knowing that I was the reason for you losing Hart Industries too; so just go."
Jonathan just looks at his wife. He has no idea who she is anymore. He has never seen her like this .It is as if she is a stranger. Jonathan picks up his coat and walks out of the room. He stops at the door and without looking back he says " If that is the way would want it far be it for me to stop you. You have always gotten what you wanted."
