"Hey you." Alexander’s voice came over the phone line.
"Alexander. It must be the middle of the night there." Jennifer said. She was lying in bed going over notes of the book she hoped to write.
"Actually, I’m up early. It’s four in the morning. I just wanted to be able to talk to you before work."
Jennifer looked at her clock. It was 10 p.m. her time. "Are you alright?"
"Fine. Fine. I just miss you and I felt bad about our last conversation."
"Yes, I’m sorry too."
"I know you want to write and I’m sorry for not understanding that better. It’s just you are so good at the foundation I can’t imagine anyone doing better."
Jennifer began to wonder if his apology was going to turn into the same old argument. "I know."
"But, you’re right. We said it would temporary so when I get back we’ll start figuring out how to turn the reins over to someone else."
Jennifer sat up. ‘You mean that?"
"Of course I do. I love you Jennifer. I don’t want you to be unhappy. Besides, if you were writing you’d be free to travel with me and there is nothing I’d rather have than you with me right now."
"Oh, Alexander. You don’t know how happy that makes me. I promise you will be well rewarded."
"I think maybe I will head home now then."
Jennifer laughed. Finally her life was going to be as it should be. "I love you."
"Me too. I’ll see you in a few days."
Jennifer hung up the phone and settled back into bed. A feeling of relief and relaxation swept through her. She and Alexander had a little period of not connecting well but that was over. She was going to write again and travel with him. That must have been why she was attracted to Jonathan. She was feeling neglected and he showed interest. But now, things were going to be right again. Jennifer’s eyes drifted shut.
She was in Africa, the base of Mt. Kenya. The sunset had been gorgeous full of yellows and oranges that only nature could create. She was in her tent settling in for the night and enjoying the peace and tranquility of being in the wild. Her eyes were closed as the tent opened and a dark figure entered. Her eyes fluttered open and she could see the silhouette of a large strong man against the tent’s mesh.
"I’ve been looking for you." His voice was low and husky.
"I’ve been waiting for you," she responded.
He pulled the covers of her sleeping bag back exposing her naked body. She watched his sleek body as it came down next to hers. She reached for him wanting run her fingers across his strong chest and arms. His lips pressed against hers with a hunger she’d never known. He tasted dark and mysterious and she begged for more.
His hands molded to her body, not leaving a single inch of skin untouched. He followed his hands with his warm moist lips. Fireworks exploded inside Jennifer with each touch. She arched up wanting more, wanting it all.
"Please," she begged. He smiled like the devil as he kneeled between her legs. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, pulling him deeper until he filled her soul.
"Oh, Jonathan."
Jennifer bolted upright from bed. Oh, God!
Jennifer put all her focus into the board meeting the next morning. There was much to be done for the toy lift and the benefit, and she couldn’t afford to have fantasies about a married man. After introducing Jonathan and asking members to help him with any questions he might have, Jennifer dove straight into the business at hand and didn’t come up for air until she was done. Afterwards she left Jonathan with the board members and buried herself in her work.
A knock on her office door startled her from her work. She looked at her watch. Oh my, already 5:30. "Come in."
"You wouldn’t be trying to avoid me now would you?" Jonathan asked as he entered her office.
"Of course not. I just wanted you to have time with the board. I needed to get the benefit finalized anyway."
"They took me to lunch. I don’t think I have been work on so hard except maybe by a car sales man." He was grinning and it took her breath away.
"I hope it wasn’t that bad." She smiled back.
"It wasn’t bad at all. They all had terrific things to say about you."
"That’s nice to hear. I know some were skeptical of me at first. Was there something further you needed?"
You mean besides you? "Actually I wanted to know more about the Toylift Program that you talked about this morning." Jonathan hoped she bought that story. As much as he knew he should stay away, he found he couldn’t.
Jennifer came around her desk and motioned for Jonathan to sit at one of the chairs. She sat across from him. "Well, we get people to donate new and used toys to be distributed to needy children at Christmas. We get the names of children, their ages and their interests through the schools."
"So the kids actually get what they ask for?" Jonathan thought that it would be quite a feat to personalize Christmas present for thousands of children.
"We try. There was much resistance to the program at first, at least the aspect of trying to fulfill children’s Christmas wishes. It is a bit complicated and tedious. The toys are sorted by age and sex, then they are boxed according to the kids and area. We load them up and deliver them. It requires a lot of donations and volunteers but since its Christmas people are more likely to help."
"That’s really great. I used to get upset when I didn’t get what I wanted for Christmas. Then I got sent to confession for being ungrateful." Jonathan smiled boyishly.
"I forgot you are a true rags to riches story."
"That I am."
"Very admirable."
"Not anymore than this program. So tell me Jennifer. Who is going to run all this when you leave." Jonathan sat forward, his eyes piercing hers.
"What do you mean?" How could he possibly know of her plans to leave?
"I know you well enough now to know that doing this too much longer will kill you or at least that freespirit dying to get out of you."
"I made a commitment to the foundation….."
"You made a commitment to your husband. The foundation is just a job. A job you hate. So why do you do it?"
Jennifer felt her hackles rise. He was baiting her, challenging her. But why? "I don’t hate it. And, I don’t think that is your business."
"If I’m going to be on the board, I think it is my business." And if he is going to be on the board of this terrific foundation, he’d be better off if she spread her wings. He’d feel like a heel declining just to avoid her but he couldn’t in good consciousness continue to work with her even in a limited capacity. The attraction, the desire was too strong and he knew himself well enough to know that eventually he’d be too overwhelmed to stop himself from taking her. The only way he could accept the board offer would be if she followed her dream and left the foundation.
"It hasn’t been discussed yet. Alexander and I will though when he returns."
"Good." Jennifer wasn’t sure she liked how firm his voice was.
"You don’t like how I run the foundation?"
"I think you do a marvelous job. I also know you don’t like it. Life if too short, don’t you think not to do what you truly want to do?"
"I guess you’re right. But I also have a responsibility. I’ll remain for as long as I’m needed. I hope that won’t effect your decision."
"I don’t think it will." Jonathan knew the foundation was a worthwhile cause. Either way, he would need to accept their request. "Do you have plans this evening?"
"Just the usual, work."
"Can I take you to dinner."
Jennifer bit her lip. There was nothing she wanted more than to spend time with Jonathan. But she questioned the wisdom of it. Not so much that she might betray Alexander but that the more time she spent with him, the harder it would be to say good-bye.
Jonathan watched the thought process in her eyes. Was she nervous? And if she was, why? Was she worried that he would make a pass? Could she be feeling the pull of attraction too? " I’m sorry if I am stepping over the bounds. I’ve enjoyed your company, Jennifer. And I would like to spend more time with you before I go this weekend."
Jennifer swallowed hard. "I’d like that too."
Jennifer chose a small, quiet restaurant, one in which she wouldn’t likely see anyone she knew. Although she wouldn’t have an affair, her mind and her heart were betraying her. Certainly anyone who knew her would see it if she were to be seen with him.
"Champagne?" Jonathan asked.
"Are we celebrating?"
"Why not?" He caught the waiter’s attention and ordered a bottle of vintage champagne.
"Could it be you have decided to join the foundation board?" Jennifer’s lips curled in anticipation. Jonathan found him drawn to her lips, wanting to taste them, hell, feast on them.
"It’s a surprise."
"Oooh, I love surprises." Her nose crinkled as she smiled.
Jonathan’s heart was full and warm. He would give her a million surprises if she would just continue to smile at him like that. The champagne arrived and after Jonathan tasted and approved it and it was served, he lifted his glass to toast. "To the most beautiful foundation president I have ever had the honor to sit on the board for."
"Oh, Jonathan!" She felt her face flushed but wasn’t embarrassed. She was happy. Happier than she could remember being in a long time. "I’m so pleased and excited to have you... on the board that is."
Jonathan raised a bow. "I’m please to be had... on the board that is."
They drank the champagne, ate their dinner and talked about their childhoods, hobbies and philosophies.
"So tell me Jonathan Hart, why didn’t you return my call?" Jennifer asked. She was feeling warm and little daring as a result of the champagne.
"What call?" Jonathan asked as he watched, with amusement as Jennifer’s eyes got glassy.
"In London. The Kingsford deal."
"You’re never going to forgive me for that are you?"
"Maybe not. After all, my life could have been totally different." Jennifer’s eyes got dark and sorrowful at her statement. Her words hung in the air between them as the truthfulness of the statement was pondered.
"I couldn’t talk to reporters without risking the deal."
"And why not afterwards?"
"Because I didn’t know you’d be so…."
Jennifer waited. "So what?"
"Never mind."
Jennifer shrugged. "I guess I could have pushed my way in to your apartment. I was there. Talking to your butler."
"Max."
"There ain’t no leaks here, water or otherwise." Jennifer said impersonating Max.
Jonathan laughed. "You do that very well."
"Thanks."
"But, I wasn’t in my room. I was in the bar."
Jennifer looked up. "The bar!" Jonathan watched amused as her face flashed anger and annoyance. "I should have gone for a drink. I thought about it. You about drove me to it."
"I seem to have that affect on you." He poured her some more champagne.
"Yes, well, champagne makes me a bit silly."
"It’s cute."
Jennifer raised an eyebrow. "Cute. I always wanted to be gorgeous and glamorous but cute will do."
"You’re that too."
Jennifer watched Jonathan and wondered what would have happened if she’d gone into the bar all those years ago. Would she have been overwhelmed by his good looks, devastating smile and wonderful charm as she was now? Would he have said something rude and had her kicked out?
"What are you thinking?"
"Just wondering what you would have done if I hunted you down in the bar."
Asked you out. Jonathan knew that he would have been equally as taken by her eyes as he was now. "Probably better if we don’t go there." He had to set boundaries. If he told her how he felt, it would be too easy to act on it.
Jennifer mustered a smile. "I guess you’re right." They sat in silence holding back the things they wanted to say and do out of respect for their spouses or perhaps it was guilt.
"Tell me about your wife."
Jonathan didn’t want to go there either. "She’s a lawyer. Dedicated to her work."
"How’d you meet?"
Jonathan cleared his throat. "Nothing dramatic. We were introduced by a mutual friend."
"Was it love at first sight?"
"Is this twenty questions?" Jennifer heard the irritation in his voice. "I was interested and it grew from there."
"Sorry. I was just trying to make conversation. We were doing so well there for awhile." Annoyed, Jennifer began to eat her food. Well, actually she didn’t really want to know about his wife anyway.
"I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I met Catherine at a particularly hard time in my life. Max had recently died and I felt…lost I guess is the best word."
"You were close to him." It was a statement not a question.
"Yes. He was the only family I’d ever had. Everything I am, everything I have, is because of him."
Jennifer could see the loss still lingered deep in Jonathan. "I lost my mother when I was a teenager but sometimes I still need her to be here so bad."
Jonathan nodded. He’d never heard the ache to see Max spoken quite so simply yet accurately. He needed Max to be here. "How about you and Alexander." Jonathan asked to get off a subject he still found difficult to talk about.
"I met him at a polo match. I didn’t like him at all but I guess he grew on me."
"How long have you been married?"
"About five years. I never thought I would get married. I think I had too high of expectations of it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. But I had believed in the whole fairy tale thing. You know passion beyond belief, being swept off your feet, whirlwind romance…."
If only he’d called her back. He would have given her the fairy tale. "You don’t think that exists?"
Jennifer glanced over at Jonathan. "I gave up on it."
Jonathan nodded. "You don’t have children?"
Jennifer did a spit take. "Children? Me? No."
"Really why?"
"I know it goes against Mother Nature but I don’t feel like I’m very maternal. Fortunately, my life and Alexander’s life isn’t really conducive to having a family. He and I aren’t together long enough to make a baby anyway." Jennifer’s eyes opened wide surprised to have revealed so much. She didn’t need to let Jonathan know that her sex life was practically non-existent. Especially when she wanted nothing more than to have Jonathan’s large warm hands touch her.
"We have no children either. For about the same reason." Jonathan wondered if he’d ever be able to make love to Catherine again... at least without thinking of Jennifer.
"You aren’t maternal?"
He smiled. "No though I’d be willing to learn. No, it just doesn’t seem to fit in our lives right now."
"I imagine you’d be a good father."
"I’d like to hope so. It may seem selfish but I’d hate to die and not have a part of me living on."
Jennifer nodded.
"I mean there was no one before me, well there was but I don’t know anything about them. And with no one after, it would be like I was never here."
Jonathan’s words struck Jennifer smack in the center of her heart. I’d give you a child. The thought came quickly and she never questioned it. She reached out and touched his hand. It was meant to offer compassion. But the fire that shot from her hand straight to her heart wasn’t about compassion but love. She started to pull her hand back but he held on.
Jonathan could see the reaction in her eyes as they met. She did feel it too and that filled his heart even more. If he couldn’t have her entirely, he would at least have this moment. It was so clear now that despite his attempts to keep her out, she’d penetrated his heart. He loved her.
"You have time yet don’t you?" Jennifer said trying to keep on the topic.
Jonathan shrugged. "I suppose so." He hadn’t really thought about his and Catherine’s status on starting a family. Now talking about it, he realized that it was something not likely to happen and it broke his heart.
"Jonathan? Are you okay?"
"Can I ask you something, as a career woman?"
"Sure. Will I need more champagne?" Jonathan smiled and with his free hand filled both their glasses.
"Would there be any circumstance that you’d consider having a child? Maybe if you didn’t have the foundation."
"Yes." Jennifer said it without thinking because she knew already it was true. If she’d been married to another man, to this man.
"Any thoughts about that."
"I think we already agreed not to go there."
Their eyes met and connected in a way their bodies would never have the chance to. The connection was intense, deep, soul to soul. Jennifer was sure at that moment that it wasn’t lust that was humming in her body. No, she was in love, and it broke her heart.
When Jonathan got back to the hotel, he saw a message for him from Catherine.
"Cat? Its Jonathan."
"Oh, Jonathan. I’m so glad you called. Where were you? You’re out kind of late weren’t you?"
"Just getting some dinner. Is everything all right?" Jonathan could hear the strain in Catherine’s voice.
"It’s just that I won’t be able to make it tomorrow, to the benefit to see you speak."
Jonathan rubbed his eyes. Why wasn’t he surprised? "Why not."
"Stanford gave me big case today. Jonathan, it could be the one that gets me the partnership. I just couldn’t let it pass."
"No I guess you couldn’t."
"I’m not sure I like your tone, Jonathan. You know my work is important to me. Why must you always insist that I throw it aside to be some dutiful subservient wife?"
"I know you’re work is important to you Cat. And I would never ask you to give it up. I never have."
"You are always asking me to not work."
"That’s not true. What I ask is that you work less."
"This is an important case Jonathan. Please support me on this. We will still have Hawaii in January."
"Cat, now is not a good time to lie to me."
"Lie?"
"A big case is likely to go well into January. Or if its not this case it will be another. I don’t want you to give up your work Cat. But for once I would like to come first."
"Jonathan." Her words came out in a whisper as she sat shocked by Jonathan's accusations. "You know you come first."
"No, I don’t. You can’t even give me one goddamn night Cat." Jonathan was surprised at how fast the anger enveloped him. "A night that is important to me. Cat, when can I be important?" Jonathan sat on the end of the bed and hung his head. He sounded like a damn nagging husband and he hated it. He began to resent her for putting him in that position. Her silence on the end of the phone didn’t help. "Listen Cat, it’s late here and I have a busy day tomorrow. I will see you Saturday afternoon."
"Fine." Her voice was curt. "Will you need a ride from the airport?"
"No, I’ll manage."
Jonathan lay back on the bed and this time prayed for a dream to make him forget his emptiness, his pain.
"Jennifer, you look lovely this evening."
"Thank you Elizabeth." Jennifer replied kissing her mother-in-law on the cheek.
"As usual you have out done yourself," Alexander said. "Don’t you think so mother?"
"Yes, Jennifer has done a marvelous job. I hope you are treating her well Alexander. It would be a shame to lose her."
Jennifer forced a smile. It was a compliment she knew and yet she felt as if the family welcomed her because the foundation was a success therefore making the Chancellors look good in the public eye.
"Quite a feat to get Jonathan Hart here." Alexander said. Some how his boasting seemed less about praising Jennifer and more about him. Look what a good wife I picked.
"Actually, that was Nancy’s accomplishment. Nancy Shift...."
"Yes, but you are the one who wooed him."
Not nearly the way I wanted to.
"Where is this formidable Jonathan Hart?" Elizabeth Chancellor asked.
Jennifer looked around the crowded room. She hadn’t seen him or heard from at all during the day. Although they had nothing planned she found she missed being able to see his smile. And when she finally saw him, she still didn’t see his smile. Something’s wrong. "I think I see him. Why don’t I just go get him and bring him here to meet you?"
"That would be wonderful Jennifer. Thank you." Elizabeth responded.
Jennifer started towards Jonathan. He seemed to be looking for someone and a part inside her hoped it was her. He looked uncomfortable... no not uncomfortable... angry.
Jonathan entered the benefit alone. He’d attended many benefits and parties alone and so that didn’t bother him. What bothered him was the discontent that was growing in his life. Matter of fact, it made him angry. Jonathan Hart, self-made man, rags-to-riches, generous to a fault. Jonathan Hart, married man, in love with another man’s wife. But then he saw her coming towards him. She was like goddess come to save him. Her emerald sequined gown accented all the curves he’d spent the night dreaming about. Her eyes hinted at a fire he wanted to ignite and have consume him. And when she smiled, he thought his heart would burst.
"Hello Jonathan. Are you all right?"
"Yes." He smiled letting the anger and discontent slide away. "You look beautiful." Jennifer flinched in surprise making Jonathan believe that she didn’t hear it enough. "Really beautiful."
"Thank you." Jennifer’s insides melted. Jonathan had an amazing way of giving a compliment without it seeming like just another line. "Is you wife here?" Jennifer could see the darkness settle over his eyes again.
"Something came up."
"I see." Jennifer wouldn’t say she was sorry or disappointed because in fact she wasn’t. "Alexander and my mother-in-law are very eager to meet you, if you are up to it. It looks like you could use a drink."
"That I could."
Jennifer waved down a server.
"You have done a really fantastic job here Jennifer. Really." Jonathan said as he took a glass of champagne from the tray. He could have used something stiffer to ease the rage of desire and yearning that had replaced the discontent and emptiness.
"Thank you. We have had a record turn out and earnings. I have you to thank for that. Most people are here to see you."
Jonathan looked around the room. "That is nice of you to say."
"It’s true. So, are you ready to do the obligatory mingling with the Chancellor family."
"Can I just have one Chancellor?" Jonathan asked not meaning for the innuendo to be a strong as it was.
"I wish I could." It was Jonathan’s turn to flinch.
Jonathan met Alexander Chancellor and couldn’t find nearly enough faults with him. He seemed attentive enough, handsome enough, and even fairly interesting. But when it came time for Jonathan to make his benefit speech, he had no problem finding faults.
Alexander and his mother stepped up to the podium. "Ladies and Gentleman. Thank you so much for attending this year’s holiday benefit. Because of you, this year’s has exceeded any benefit we have ever done," Elizabeth began. The crowd clapped.
"Why aren’t you up there?" Jonathan whispered to Jennifer.
Jennifer pushed down her anger. "This is their show."
"The hell it is. I saw you this week. You broke your back to put this benefit on."
"They are the Chancellors." Jennifer said matter of factly as her head turned to Jonathan.
He could see the anger mixed with sadness. "That’s not right."
Jennifer just shrugged.
Alexander was speaking now. "We won’t keep you much longer. We know you all opened your pocketbooks to come see a most remarkable man who showed us that all children have potential if we just give them the opportunities." He moved aside from the podium. "Please welcome, Mr. Jonathan Hart."
Jonathan looked at Jennifer feeling her resentment and hurt. How could they do that to her? As he walked up, it seemed unbelievable to him that Alexander and Elizabeth said nothing of Jennifer’s accomplishments. Jennifer did all the work and they took all the credit and glory. Well, that was going to change.
"Good evening." Jonathan started. "Thank you to the Chancellor Foundation and in particular, to Ms. Nancy Shift and Mrs. Jennifer Chancellor for asking me to speak here to you tonight. It is no secret why I am a big supporter financially and with my time to organizations that are dedicated to helping improve the lives of children. As an orphan, I know the feelings of unworthiness, loneliness and hopelessness that can plague a child without the support of a family. I was fortunate to have been found and mentored by a great man who saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself. It was through his love and guidance that I came to believe in myself and became the success I am today." Jonathan paused for a moment as his words lingered. He was a huge success in business but he didn’t quite feel that way in his personal life.
"Amazing isn’t it, how one man, one man with little means but a huge heart, could take a punk kid off the street and turn him into Jonathan Hart. When I support organizations, what I look for most is the heart. And I have to tell you, the Chancellor Foundation has a lot of heart thanks to its President Mrs. Jennifer Chancellor."
A mix of joy and pain swirled through Jennifer and she could feel the tears well up within her. While Alexander was always telling her how good she was at the foundation, it was always self-serving. No one else in the family wanted to deal with it so he needed Jennifer to stay. But Jonathan, a man she’d known for barely a week, stood before a group of hundreds praising her and acknowledging her efforts. She could here some clapping to which she gave a slight nod. Looking behind Jonathan to Alexander and Elizabeth she could see the polite, obligating clapping that masked something else.
"I had the privilege to watch Jen… Mrs. Jennifer Chancellor and her staff begin to process grants. While the programs these grants support deal with people on a human level, the grants themselves are dry documents filled with numbers attempting to quantify the value of those lives and those who work to make it better. Instead of getting bogged down in cost-per-child or obscure statistic, Mrs. Chancellor was able to see straight to the humanity of these programs. I don’t think I have ever been more impressed in my life."
Jennifer was sure she was going lose it with the collision of opposing feelings ramming into each other inside her. She felt awe at Jonathan’s accolades and rage and grief at her husband’s inability to do the same. She could see Jonathan looking down on her and smiling and she realized he was doing this for her. This wasn’t the speech he’d prepared but a deviation of it to give her the credit he believed she deserved. She could feel her heart pounding from shear love and gratitude and at that moment, she would have done anything Jonathan had asked her to do.
"The foundation takes a great deal of time which Mrs. Jennifer Chancellor gives unquestioningly. It is my desire to help the foundation secure its financial base so that Mrs. Jennifer Chancellor can be allowed to contribute to the world in other ways as well."
Most people weren’t sure what Jonathan was referring to, including Jennifer. "I have here a check made to the foundation in the amount of $1,000,000 to be used as Mrs. Chancellor sees fit."
The room gasped, Jennifer included.
"I would like to personally hand this check to you, Jennifer Chancellor and on behalf of the less fortunate children of the world, thank you for all your work."
The crowd applauded and cheered enthusiastically. Jennifer was stunned and required a nudge from some one in the crowd to get her to walk up to the podium. As she walked up she looked up at Jonathan. Their eyes held as she approached him to accept the check.
"This is wonderful, just wonderful," Alexander said as he took a place next to Jennifer at the podium.
Jennifer flinched and Jonathan frowned as Alexander attempted to accept the check. Jonathan held firm. "Mrs. Chancellor, I know this check will be put to good use." Jonathan handed her the check and then leaned over as if to kiss her cheek. But as he did, he whispered, "Be sure I get an autographed edition of whatever it is you are going to write."
Jennifer’s eyes were wide. Did he really do this so she could have time to write? He supported and believed in a dream of hers that her husband didn’t or wouldn’t. Jennifer was too stunned to for words.
Annoyed, Alexander stepped to the podium. "It seems my wife is a little overwhelmed by Mr. Hart’s generosity. But, I would like thank you on behalf of her and the foundation for this wonderful donation."
Jonathan’s eyes held Jennifer’s. He couldn’t believe how wonderful it felt not only to do something so nice but also to be fully appreciated for it. He could see the admiration and something more in Jennifer’s eyes. They were oblivious to everything else, the clapping and Alexander’s speech. It wasn’t until Alexander took her arm to escort her off the stage that Jennifer was brought back to reality.
"You really do have the skill Jennifer." Alexander spoke quietly. "You must see now that the foundation couldn’t possibly succeed like this without you."
Jennifer shot Alexander a look. He didn’t get it. Well, of course he didn’t. All he saw was money and a way to keep her at the foundation. He missed the whole part about making the foundation stable enough to let her pursue other interests. Her hurt quickly turned to rage.
"You promised," she hissed.
"Jennifer." Alexander seemed genuinely stunned by her outburst. "You can’t possibly think of leaving after such a success."
"You promised," she said again but without the venom. Instead it was grief. "You promised." This time she whispered it before walking off.
