BURNING HELL ©

I am driving 92 Hoping that I smash into a wall, just to spite you So who cares if I die I’m sure you’ll only cry For a few days Chorus: cut into me And take me back To this burning hell That I call home You say I have no soul Is there just a hole Where my heart should be Disgusted with myself Am I empty? NO. I’m full of shit What I mean is just what I say Don’t sharpen my words and throw them back at me If I was dying tomorrow could I say I lived today? You’re losing your game; I don’t want to play (Chorus) That’s me screaming loudly in the bathroom of the bar Breaking mirrors with bloody knuckles just more scars That remind me of wounds deep in my heart (Chorus)

LOVE NOT ENOUGH©

I miss you until you’re there because you hate me It’s easier for you to despise rather than cry and miss me I cant blame you, sorry that I was so mean Pushed and shoved you from my life Ill never know if I was right I’m not happier without you Just confused and bored and angry I need to scream But there is no one to scream back now The love is not enough I know that you needed me I hope you know that I did too The love is not enough I know that you needed me But I don’t anymore No one holds a torch for me Just a knife behind the back Waiting for me to relax T o viscously attack I never meant to hurt anyone but I did Without selfish motive When I see you You look beautiful and sad Like a bullet to the chest It hurts so bad And I choke back The tears And I’m suffocated by sad All these words and melodies Cannot relieve The pain that eating me Memories I can’t escape even in dreams Make me sick Of being sick of all this thinking About every second I lived wrong

MAG A GAGGOT©

I miss the girl you used to be The one that wanted only me You didn’t look at me With animosity We didn’t give each other grief Somebody said it’s easy to fall in love Why does it seem So hard to keep Your jealous screams Induce nausea in me Your apathy could gag a maggot Your jealous screams Induce nausea in me Your anxiety could gag a maggot 10,000 torn and wrinkled scraps of paper With scribbled scattered lyrics Where I pour my heart out Before I go insane You’ve come no where near the pain That I've felt in my life Don’t tell me I’m ok Don’t say ill be all right Go away

FOR MY MOM ©

Stealing more lines from movies and drunken times Spent with good friends Writing these songs to remind me of everything that I did wrong This is dedicated to everyone that made me strong Chorus: I don’t want to disappoint my mom I don’ t want to die before I’m done I want something bigger than myself Just to say I tried is not enough Busting my ass on stages everywhere Hoping I’ll relate to some kids that care, as much as me I’m so scared That I might waste my life I never wanted to be famous I just want to be a light For anyone who needs a friend or feels they’re fighting against time (Chorus) You learn what you live You get what you give If all of this was true I wouldn’t be screaming this at you

YOU CALLED ©

So you called today I couldn’t even stutter out one word Every time I tried I choked And tears poured out where all the thing I wanted you to hear should have been It’s been two months That haven’t been too hard Filled with too much coffee and beer And no hunger just emptiness But it’s been ok Because I’ve been busy killing time But now when I hear your voice I remember how comfortable it is And it hurts like loosing a limb You were my crutch you were my drug my too much coffee and beer So I cover the phone with one hand So you don’t hear the gasps for air between the floods of despair And I whisper…I have to go

UTI ©

Oh how I would love to go back again I wouldn’t change the faces or the names Of everyone that fucked me Made me feel pain Ashamed I am to blame for making others feel the same way Why does the sun hurt? Why does this life hurt? Why does my heart slowly dissolve? Why do I feel anything at all? Too much time or not enough Ive seen too much, ive had enough All this nostalgia makes me sick, now I throw up This isn’t heaven this is life You don’t need to be perfect you only have to try You’ll never catch me trying to commit suicide because I have a problem with commitment

NOSTALGIA ©

I look back at my wasted life I look back as you twist the knife I look back at my wasted life I look back as you stabbed me in the spine (screaming) To be selfish and paranoid Just a shield to hide you inadequacies Just keep pretending that you’re dumb Ill keep pretending that I care (1st verse) (screaming)

HEATHERS DEATH MARCH ©

In this darkened room I waste away Blacken my lungs And try to numb I can’t numb my terrible mind Or forget a lonely life 2,747.2 miles of heartache, I’ll wait for you is all that you said 2,747.2 miles of heartache Beyond these dirty walls I see myself Beyond these dirty walls I see my death In a grave right next to yours, a grave right next to yours My love came back to me Now I can die 2,747.2 miles of heartache, I’ll be with you all that I can do 2,747.2 miles of heartache nevermore Why is everyone dying so fast When we have forever to live I’m ready, now I’m ready

SYMPHONY OF SYMPATHY©

Look at me and I will hear all the words you cannot say. Not just a feeling in my stomach. Something that is real, sympathy. You wear a veil of innocence to hide the lies behind deceitful eyes. Conveniently you start a fight every holiday. Pin the blame on me. Then don’t talk to me for days. And I still buy you presents, but you don’t. You pretend you didn’t know. Rewrap all the shit I gave to you and give it to your someone new. Just goes to show how much you don’t care. Please don’t kill me with my love. You just ripped out my still beating heart and tore it all apart. Please don’t kill me with my love. How can you love someone that promised you so much and gave it away? He can’t hurt you anymore. Don’t turn around… He didn’t tell you that he lied. He still sees your face when he closes his eyes. Sympathy.

CROWN OF THORNS©

This crown of thorns makes my head bleed the tears of grief until my swollen eyes can’t see the motive for your love is need. A whipping boy to beat. The undertones of misery, hide behind a smile and wait to destroy me. Deteriorating. Maybe true love is elusive this sick sad love is abusive. I wish I was a machine So I’d have no heart to bleed.

WWF©

Words without a face My secret hiding place You’ve heard all my disgrace But you still want me. I need you every night An angel on the line Blind by too many miles But I knew you were beautiful I’ve never been more right. Chorus: Futile words are falling out my mouth again. Please don’t give up on me when I say things I know that ill regret. But, you see though. You see through me. You can’t see me. You need me. Words without a face My secret hiding place You’ve heard all my disgrace But you still want me. When you’ve had a bad day, it’ll be all right Cause I can make you smile We came out laughing through the fight And when I’m wrong I close my eyes No need to prove myself right No need to prove myself You made me be myself And helped me find myself with you. Chorus Saved me from the pain that was my life In the corner with a bottle No one hears me No one sees me Only you can save me From myself I had lost the will to live Every night I hit the floor Just to wake up to another night To poison myself more.

52©

I sit And I stare And I stare At a wall That is blank Cause I hurt And you’re here But I still feel alone With you in the other room My tears Hit your pillows on my couch And you watch TV And come and check on me On the commercial breaks

LIFETIME SUICIDE©

He worked the 9 to 5 Threw away his life And now he’s 45 With two kids and a wife White house with picket fence The mini-van he drives He had dreams when he was 10 Before his lifetime suicide Lifetime suicide He went to college for a while That’s where he met his wife Knocked her up at 21 He stopped going out at night He had a band in 1979 They opened for Styx a couple of times Should be featured in Live Wire But he dropped out to work full time How can you live your life without searching for the answers? Just roll over and die You wasted all your time Now this bitter old man looks me in the eye Says I’ve never been alive Where is my life? Where is my life? Lost to a lifetime suicide Lifetime suicide I’m not going to assume That everything’s all right Or grin and bare my life Just to pray for A quick and painless homicide When I am 45

ERIC NEEDS A HUG©

You said I was the only one who mattered You showed me that I never really mattered, anyway Did our problems mean anything at all? You hide from them As you hide yourself from me This pain I feel is temporary When I thought our love was forever Did I mean a thing to you? Or was this just a game I was destined to lose Now I sit alone, not caring All I held so dear before Is abandoned by me now Because it’s over It’s over My heart is broke Too many pieces shattered I thought I was at an end. Now, where do I begin? Our devotion I believed was so indiscrete You showed me was too easy to forget I wish I could forget So should we pretend That we can be friends Just to make us livid with regret My heart is broke Too many pieces shattered I thought I was at an end. Now, where do I begin? I hope you choke, On all your lies I trusted in good faith. Will this vicious cycle ever end? Now where do I begin? He is falling fast from love Now Eric needs a hug

A NEW THEORY OF VIRTUE©

The more things seem to change The more they stay the same Today is the tomorrow that we worried about yesterday Prisoners of high anxiety And its gonna sting a little When you come to the realization That nothing short of a miracle Will make you extra ordinary I will always be in pain But I will never suffer Acceptance is the way To end agony forever The nature of the mind is to be free From pain and suffering Who cares if you matter to the world? If you don’t matter to your self The only answer that I have Is not everything makes sense Not everything’s Empirical. Waste my time waiting for prophetic dreams Looking for omnipotence Searching for A new theory of virtue I will always be in pain But I will never suffer Acceptance is the way To end agony forever The nature of the mind is to be free From pain and suffering The more things seem to change The more they stay the same…

I'M WAITING©

Bent on self destruction in my room Starring at these walls Screaming at your pictures on these walls I'm laughing to myself, But the tears are tearing me apart I'm laughing in your face Do you miss me? Do you care? Am I worthless? Where are you? With who? There's no redemption here Adding drama to the scene made in my head I was in the shower, So I couldn’t hear, That I was not alone Chorus: (I'm waiting for a friend, I'm waiting for a tragedy To take me away form this place And I'm Still waiting for someone To get it right!) Symbiotic, maybe not! This broken love We're struggling through Plummeting from grace Now I'm fetal on the floor Jealousy I've dug too deep I've fallen in Looking out Maybe I am safer in my hole All alone You're acetone You're fading me (Chorus) {Freak out 1st verse} (Chorus)

SLEEP©

Sometimes I feel like walking away Walking away From the ones that I love That need me, That keep me, Striving For mediocrity Holing me down, Because they're afraid Compromising vacancy's much easier Than reaching for dreams So they will numb, So they will Chorus: (sleep) Being nothing Pretending You can't feel me When you Hurt me You will blindly follow her lead Not me Learning nothing Reliving Overlying mistakes Trying and hiding You're lying to me You're vanity So you will (Chorus) Being nothing I'm all alone And you will sleep

TOO LATE©

You tell me that you're changing You tell me that you're growing up Changing faces every day You're manic Now you're all used up Your tooth hurts I'm here writhing Might be dying You're still whining Does anyone else matter? But you To you Have nothing to say Numb to the pain Chorus: (we've got a new bass player in the band, Another sad sad song When you realize what you've lost It will be too late to turn back To late To turn back To late) And you will smile to reconcile Forgot the fools you call you friends Egomaniacal You'll whine to them When she is done with you When you are done with this This nothingness That you're aspiring to And when you wake up and change your mind You're out of time Have nothing to say Numb to the pain (Chorus)

PUSH.LIE.TAKE©

When no one can see us talk You'll make them think that I'm the selfish one You're making me You're pushing me To snap in front of them They see Cosmetically Your innocence that I destroy And while they point they're fingers, From your point of view I'll take it all away And they can have you too Chorus: (there's nothing lost Of the times we had But I won't cry for you There's nothing lost Of the lies we shared You're left without a clue) And when its time to put on a better face They'll know that you are lying See right through your crying You spread you legs for false security At least you had my heart, But you paracitized me I miss you Going down on me While I'm going down for you You say those 3 words To blind me To ease my mind While you're killing me (Chorus) push…lie…take… Everything I need push…lie…take… Everything I need When I lie awake in bed at night I can't fall asleep Cause, I still see your face I miss you Oh I miss you Then I realize That you fucked me

FADE AWAY©

Why did you have to fade away so quickly? There are no consequences, just regrets I wish that you would turn around and face me The dilemma's in your head You will always have a friend I'm not lashing out at you You're feeding me the words That I never said Running from the ones That always pulled you through I'm not going to pretend That I wanted you to end Chorus: (fading away, Words are running out, Keep running away. There's no falling out, If I could see your face, Maybe we could work it out.) You will always be my brother I will always miss you When you wake up, what do you see? 87 empty bottles and another nameless girl Does it justify you? Make you believe There's no lucidity What is your disease? (Chorus) You will always be my brother I will always miss you You will always be my brother I will always love you

MY BLUE SWEATSHIRT©

I bet my bottom dollar That I can recollect Because the memories are kept On file By the stains on my Blue hooded sweatshirt Thoughts of good times and of bad All the ruff nights that I had I could tell you Through the Blood the cum and puke That left their stains on you My blue Sweatshirt Chorus: (my blue sweatshirt, Remembers all i've seen. My blue sweatshirt, That I'm so reluctant to clean. I'm afraid to rinse away, What means so much to me. My blue sweatshirt, Holds my identity.) Blah…blah…blah… Stains of the memories Help me see All the terrible things i've done Thought of beer and bubble gum Ill look at you and say to myself What a mess my life's become I'll back up for a moment Just to sober up And I'll realize what i've done (Chorus) I'm afraid to rinse away What means so much to me My blue sweatshirt Holds my identity

ALIEN©

I'm scared that the aliens will take me away To a cold and vacant place Where they will probe and anilize me They're here to annihilate The entire human race And I'll hide under my covers Cause I saw it at the movies Chorus: (great big eyes, just like me A little different from the rest of, Because we're all scarred of what, We don’t want to believe And they hate me too Cause I'm an alien to them And they'll tie me down, Cause they don't know how scared I am) And when I close my eyes I feel them staring through my brain But no one will believe me There's excuses to be made I'm an alien Something I can't see But there's something in the dark, That makes me shutter in my sleep (Chorus) They don’t know how scared I am

WASTED©

I know this guy, With red sweatpants and a brown knit cap And ten-dollar plastic Velcro shoes He's always a joker He's always a fiend But he doesn’t realize cause all he does is booze Refrain: {He eats at the shelter Because he wastes his pay check away He's always a real cool guy Except on Saturday} Chorus: (when he gets, Wasted So wasted that he can't see That he's wasted) Nothing to lose He's so weak, the love of his life's out of reach Seems he's just not worth it He chokes it down, As he pretends to laugh it of No one to hide in A family to far away to care You'll find him sitting at the bar {Refrain} (Chorus)

AMERICAN DREAM©

Got a friend in Brooklyn The other ones better off dead He got involved in to much shit And now he's got a price on his head I remember when it was all so easy Playing guns in the yard Oh how I wish we could all be kids again Before life got so hard Now when I look in the mirror And reflect on all I got I just think of how we all grew apart And think they're dead but pretend they're not This is the story my father told me Before he left home As my life goes on I try to deny it, But the story's getting old Chorus: (don’t wana live the American dream Don’t wana be just like the president.) As time goes on I pretend it won't be the same I won't grow old and lonely No my story don’t go that way I don’t wana get old I don’t wana get tied down I won't go to church on Sunday Have kids and move to a small town My friends won't move away And live tragic junkie lives I won't be like my dad An alcoholic who left his kids and wife I won't be like anyone Won't try to live the American dream I won't be like the president Ill just be like I wana be {Repeat first verse} (Chorus)

CORRUPT©

National security Is threatened by my obstainence My intelligence What all-good Christians say Love they neighbor Unless he's not like you Chorus: (I won't say how high, I got my own mind, Life is what you make of it, Mine is fair And my life's not a lie) Survival Not luxury Its lost in all o'your toys You're lacking ethics As ethnic's work for 6 cents a week To make your new leather couch {And you don’t care You close your eyes Because they're dirty Because they're not white As the evangelist Shows you the way Give him all o'your money And you'll be in heaven some day} (Chorus)

LET IT GO©

I'm not yours, I haven't been yours I wont be yours anymore Ever again That’s all I said Didn’t you hear it was the end? It is the end There's nothing left you won't regret Why won't you regret? Alone in your drama In your soap opera Chorus: (let it go, I never hurt you Let it go, I found my love Let it go It not you Its not you Let it go, I never hurt you I found my love and Its not you) Can't tie me up Can't tie me down You kill yourself Stop falling down Stop lying Stop crying Can't hurt some one That has no love For you It's been so long Just let it heal Let go Let it go Just go Go away (Chorus)

ULCER©

Another night i've had way too much to drink Another Saturday that I'll wake up on the floor The t.v.'s way too loud And the cartoons way too long And I'll have warm beer for breakfast once again And when she shows up she wont look the same to me I'm way too sober and I need to brush my teeth But tomorrow night when I cant see her face we'll try again But I'm too gone to get it up Chorus: (she's to good for me when I can see her face, A drunken fantasy, And when I wake up and look her in the eye I'll try to lie) We'll just be friends when we're in the real world But next weekend when we're walking we'll forget the promises We'll just get to close for a second then its gone Our real feelings will show through No more excuses to be hiding all our fears I'm not afraid to fall again But what we will deny in the morning Is not what we'll regret (Chorus) {I've got an ulcer haven't showered in 2 weeks, I'll change my clothes tomorrow and sleep in my own bed I tell myself} (Chorus)

BROKEN©

Chorus: (broken live sand broken homes Drunken dads give broken bones We've seen no love for all 'our lives But we will face the blame) You tell me that you love me you tell me that you'd kill for me You never were my dad you couldn't just be there for me Break my mom and break my face Kids shouldn’t cry cause there's no safe place I don’t want to be a man Cause you showed me what a man could do And I hate you (Chorus) Do you care? You don’t care When your pupil's dialate when you're passed put in the middle of the street And we pray that you won't come home And take our lives Away again So have another drink And tell me that its All my fault That you can't help yourself As I watch you run away (Chorus) You showed me what a man could do And I hate you (Chorus)

ALL SONGS WRITTEN BY JUSTIN DONHAUSER

ALL SONGS COPYRIGHTED© To Justin Donhauser 2002 & JoHn's GrOss FiNgeR™