I don't really have anything to say, but I don't have anything else to do either, so here I am. I just spent three hours searching my school's website for a decent class to take next semester and I found absolutely nothing. Right now, on my schedule, I have three classes that I really want to take, one that I have to take, and one that I'm trying to get rid of. (I need five.) So I'm searching and searching and I can't find a single thing that looks good. I'm finding all kinds of classes that look interesting... but they're all either not being offered this semester, or they're already full, or they're in the same time slot as one of my other classes. I'm getting very frustrated with the whole thing. I never had problems making a schedule before. At my last school I just sat down the first day the catalog came out, highlighted all the classes that looked interesting (I usually had about 30 classes highlighted by the time I was done) and then I chose the ones that fit together into a nice schedule. I never worried about requirements or whether or not it would work toward my degree. I guess I got really lucky that I managed to graduate in normal time. Things are so much more complicated now. I have to worry about upper division credits and what classes I need for my major and for the first time ever in my life I'm actually considering taking an easy class. I've always avoided easy classes like the plague. I can't stand sitting through a boring class that I could teach. I took a computer class once, because I needed a one credit class and that was the only thing available. The teacher had no clue. The class was on databases (how to make them) and he screwed up the stupidest things. He had one of those computer projectors that projected whatever he was doing onto a big screen. One day, he was showing us how to open a file (There were actually people in the class who didn't know! This in itself amazed me.) and he screwed it up. He kept clicking "open" and nothing was happening and I was just staring and finally he asked if anyone knew what he was doing wrong... I told him. He wasn't selecting the file. He was just clicking "open" and expecting the computer to know what it was he wanted to open. I swore never to take another computer class. Now, maybe, I'm changing my mind. I've never worked harder in my life than I did last semester, and I got the lowest GPA I've ever gotten. That was mostly because I took Spanish, which is always a mistake, and it didn't help that one of my teacher's screwed up my grade. (I'll get it fixed when I go back (hopefully) and that should boost my GPA some) but still. I did nothing but study last semester. I am a perfectionist and I am incapable of not studying. My problem came with taking five classes that required a whole lot of studying. Before, no matter how hard I tried to pick hard classes, I would have classes where all I had to do was show up and I'd get an A. I don't think that those classes were necessarily easier than the ones I took last semester. I think the grading system was mostly all that was different. I think that at my current school it is all but impossible to get an A on an essay test, at least in the political science department, and in that department that's basically the only kind of test their is. And I knew that, so I studied and studied thinking that would increase my chances and I think it probably did, but I still don't know a single person who got an A on any of the essay tests I took last semester. A-'s, yes, but not A's. And that bothers me. (I don't deal well with not being the best, remember?) Anyway. So the easiest class I took last semester was Calculus. And I have never in my life taken a class because I knew I could get an A but I'm thinking that was mostly because I expected to get an A in whatever class I took and the object was to take the least boring option. I'm really not complaining by the way. I said I didn't want boring classes and I didn't get any. The problem is: I'm exhausted. I thought it would go away by now, but it hasn't. I am not looking forward to going back and doing it all over again. I mean, all last semester all I did was study. I slept less than I ever have in my life, I read less (for pleasure, I mean),and the only time I ever even turned on the TV was to program it to tape a couple things for me to watch on Friday night. I didn't go out once, unless you count to the post office or the grocery store, and I only did those once. And none of that would be so bad if I thought I had learned more by doing it. I didn't. I would've learned more by doing none of it. Over the course of the semester, I learned how to solve the problem: "You want to build a cylindrical can that holds X amount of liquid. What is the least amount of metal needed to create this can?" I learned about Britian's national health service (they have one.) I learned some oversimplifications of what some "foreign governments" are like. The only interesting thing I learned was how to put together and carry out a good survey. (And I had learned most of that in Statistics last year.) I spent hours and hours on classes where I didn't learn a thing- Spanish and Gender Politics. Spanish didn't go over anything I didn't already remember from 7th grade. I don't know what we were supposed to learn in gender politics, but I know we didn't learn it, whatever it was. I spent the least amount of time on those classes because it didn't seem worth it. Anyway, the point: if I hadn't been in college last semester I would have learned how to do frames and at least beginning java. I would've gotten through the "feminist classics" I thought I was taking gender politics to learn. Books like "The Feminine Mystique" and "The Second Sex" and Gloria Steinem's "Outrageous acts and everyday rebellions" and all those other books that I want to read but don't have time. And then, I probably would've moved onto to something else that actually interested me. I want to study the effect of pop culture on society. But they don't teach a class in that and if they did it would probably kill my interest anyway. I would love to be able to say, "this system is stupid and I could do better on my own (like I'm saying) and then actually do it. But that doesn't seem like a good idea. Because I know that I could do better on my own, but that doesn't end up in a piece of paper that says I did it and for some reason that matters. Okay, I can understand why it matters. The way things are now, there really isn't any other way to do it. But I still hate it. "As long as you play their game girl you're never gonna win" (ani) well, maybe not, but there isn't really another game to play. I quit high school, yes, but I just kinda picked up the game further on. If I quit now, where would I go? I could get a job, but would that give me any more time to play my own game? I kinda don't think so. And I can't just drop out all together- you need to eat and you need money to buy food and there's just no way around that. umm... don't mind me, I think I just had an argument with an imaginary Ani who came up in my head telling me what to do. This is not a very uncommon experience. It just doesn't usually get documented. So I guess I just ranted about the education system for an hour and a half and made absolutely no progress in deciding what class to take next semester. They're offering a class in "Internet and web design." I read the description and I'm positive I could teach that class. And I can't believe I'm even considering taking it, but I am. The fifth class I'm currently signed up for is "Health psychology." I don't know what I was thinking. It's about things like what people go through when they're sick and what family members go through and there's no way I can sit through 15 weeks of that without having a complete and total breakdown. Just reading the book "One True Thing" just about pushed me over the edge. I can barely stand the mention of cancer and I'm gone once you start talking about what it does to families. It wasn't even my family, and maybe I should just get over it, but it's there all the same. I definitely have to find a different class. I looked into photography, but it's three hours long twice a week where you get to be judged on artistic things. I would like to learn how to develop film, though. And I looked into this really cool looking class called Jewelry and Metal work but it's in the same time slot as Chemistry (which I'm taking) The one communications class they're offering that looked interesting is in the same time slot as Urban Politics (also non-negotiable) and the one class left in my major that I really want to take is in the same time slot as the one class left in my major that I really don't want to take but have to. (really, you'd think that if there are only five required poli sci courses, and only one section of each, they could put those classes in certain time slots and the five or so poli sci elective they're offering in different time slots. Why do they have to overlap? Don't they think there are people who have to take a required class that would also like to take an elective? It would make it much easier to finish the major on time, while at the same time avoiding "Canadian Politics and society") So I looked into taking the required class next year and the optional one now and then finding another class somewhere but I know three people who are taking the required class next semester... if I'm going to have to take it anyway, I might as well take it with them. So I looked into English classes, Film classes, Criminal Justice classes, theatre classes, dance classes, even art history and anthropology, and I could not find a single open class that was remotely interesting and fit into my schedule. And I realize that none of this is even remotely interesting to anyone who's not involved in it, but I'm frustrated, and that is the one emotion I am truly terrible at dealing with. (okay, so there are others. This one really is the worst, though) enough obsessing. Does anyone remember me mentioning my dad was interviewing for a new job? They offered it to him, along with a $3000 raise, a really good 401k plan that I don't understand (I took his word for it) and time and a half for all hours over 45. (In his line of work, it's not terribly uncommon to be up over 100 hours at least twice a year, and he is never ever under the 50-60 range, but at his current place he gets a flat rate for all the hours he works. So time and a half is a big deal.) Also, the place is here. Currently, he drives 45 minutes one way to work. And that's in another state, so he gets to deal with paying taxes there and here. Needless to say, he's planning on taking the job. He's also planning on working part time for the place where he currently works for a while. Basically, it means he's going to be making a whole lot more money than he ever has been before and that's a very good thing because as it was he was barely breaking even. (Did I ever mention my parents can't manage money? They can't figure out where I got it from. I save as compulsively as they spend) Anyhow, that was the big news in my house today. Also, he got the neighbor's water working. He connected a sump pump to a bunch of hoses, stuck the pump in the creek, and pumped their well full of water. I'm not entirely sure I'd drink it if I were them, but at least they can shower and do the laundry now. And my dad (who knows these kinds of things) says it's as clean as well water. I'm not terribly convinced, though, since I kinda doubt we're the only people in this county who have a septic tank that leaks. And it doesn't leak into the ground to make it into the wells, it leaks through the drainage system into the creek. But you really didn't want to know that, did you? Of course not. I wonder what percentage of people in America today have never had well water, or lived in a house that had its own septic tank. I'm led to believe that suburbs have city water, although I don't really know that for sure. I know you tell by looking for fire hydrants... there aren't any fire hydrants within at least five miles of my house, and I'd guess it's closer to ten. I don't know why I keep talking about this. I guess the idea is just kind of odd to me. I think it's the little differences that would make living in a city odd to me. The things like sidewalks and public transportation and flouridated water. When I first got to college in August there were all kinds of people there complaining that there was nothing to do in that town. It took me most of the semester to get over the fact I could walk out my door and end up at a library or an ice cream shop or a movie theatre. It'd probably take three days to walk to a movie theatre from my house, less if you didn't sleep. And I can't even think of where the closest ice cream shop is, unless you count the store at the gas station. They sell gallons there. I guess that walk probably takes less than an hour, in decent weather. Still, by the time you got back, the ice cream would be soft. Even the idea of living someplace that has streetlamps seems foreign to me. Wouldn't they shine in the windows and keep you awake? And I imagine that there are probably streets that are busy even at night, wouldn't it keep you up if you lived on one? Okay, so some of these things (like city water and streetlamps) they have by the dorms... but dorms are different. Living in a dorm is like living in this strange little house in a way that I'm sure could never be recreated in real life. I've never been in an apartment building to actually see, but I kinda doubt the normal thing to do in an apartment building is leave your door wide open so everyone knows you're home and can come in and visit. That's kind of a strange thought, isn't it? I've never been in an apartment building. It's true, unless you count the school apartments that I went trick-or-treating in. It's apartments made out of a tiny little schoolhouse, about the same size of my actual house. I guess that school closed right about the time my dad got to school age and they started bussing people from here to the school 10 miles away. (just a guess, I'm terrible at distance unless you're going 60 miles an hour.) I'm not sure I've ever even seen an actual apartment building. Maybe I walked by one when I was in Washington and didn't notice it. I doubt it, though, we stayed in the capital district for the most part and I'm pretty sure it's all office buildings. I'm trying to decide if it's normal to make it to 17 without ever being in an apartment building. And I'm thinking it doesn't matter and the fact I'm thinking it is yet another sign that I should really go to bed. I guess I thought of something to say. g'night and sweet dreams, ~Sarah