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and I'm not gonna roll with it this time. ~ani, roll with it I've been home for a month, any novelty involved has already worn off. I have two more months here before I go back to school. To say that there is nothing to do is an understatement. There is no place to go, no place to hang out, no reason to leave the house other than to work. So we go to Wal-Mart. Henry and I get bored, we get in the car and we go to wal-mart and we browse. Henry's perpetually broke, and I end up buying something small just because I have nothing else to do and then we go home. In the car on the way there I tell my 14-year-old cousin stories which inevitably involve drugs or alcohol and make him think I'm cool and make me feel guilty for corrupting him even further. To put it mildly, I have no life. Even if I had a life, I wouldn't know what to do with it. I could go bowling or putt-putting... but there are no dance clubs, no poetry readings, no coffee shops, no cute little shopping districts, no hang-out cafes, and the only movie theatre has smaller-than-smaller-than-average screens and your shoes stick to the floor during even the first showing of the day. I work, all day, at a mini-amusement park that is designed for children under 10. Anyone much over 10 has outgrown all but the go-carts and the bumper boats. Generally, the park is filled with parents and children under 5, or company picnics filled with people who don't really want to be there but are "putting in an appearance". It has a roller skating rink, the 2-5 skate has an average of 14 skaters. There are bars. No matter where you are in this county, if you start driving in any direction you will likely find a bar before you find a gas station, convenience store, or ice cream stand. Most bars serve minors, and most minors go to bars because we can't find anything else to do. But I'm not interested in drinking because I have nothing better to do, so after work I drive home. And more often than not I come home, see my mom lying on the couch watching her fourth or fifth hour of tv, my dad in front of the computer playing games, and I get so angry I can't decide between throwing the tv on top of my mom and running away to cry. So far, I've always run away. I run to my bedroom, with its brand-new carpet and curtains and comforter and bright yellow paint. And I find there's nothing to do there BUT cry, so I cry. And I read. And I cry some more. I feel completely trapped. There is no way out of this situation. I have nothing to do and I can't think of a single thing I would like to do that's legal, in this county, and can be finished before 9pm. I never took driver's ed, so anything that involves me driving after 9 is automatically illegal. And nothing can change until at least August. I would quit my job, but I have to pay for my car. Without my car I have no hope, public transportation doesn't exist, even in the "downtown" of the county. I'm not even sure if there are taxis. If there are, I know you have to call them and that they're expensive, especially when there is no place closer than 20 miles. I hate my life, I hate living at home, and I swear to god this is the last time I ever come home for longer than the month of semester break. ~me |