|
It's only half over.
I've been home for five weeks, and it feels like eternity, and I have five more to go. I should be thinking, "This is the homestretch" or "It's all downhill from here." ... what I'm actually thinking is, "I can't take it for that much longer." I spend all my spare time reading travel books, planning trips I'll never go on, calculating the cost of a trip from here to Freeport, Maine, Anchorage, Alaska, Austin, Texas... the destination is really unimportant. I am desperate to go somewhere I've never been before. I'm starting to see things differently. Everywhere I look, I'm starting to see my town from the eyes of a stranger. And I can feel inside me somewhere that it's interesting. I live in a world that, to many people, doesn't really exist. It's a world where the county fair really does have competitions to see who can make the best jam and who can "grow" the best pig. Where "free day" at the "amusement park" draws whole families who look as if they've taken a mud bath together, let their clothes dry, and wore them again the next day... and no one gives them a second glance, because we've seen it all before. I can feel the stories inside me, I can feel that there's a book in there that just won't quite come out. I want to write a book. I want to write several and I want them to be successful and I want to be able to live off of writing. Because I can write anywhere. I can write in the middle of a city or in the middle of the jungle or on a plane to Africa or on a bus across the united states or a train the europe. And I want to go everywhere. My dad keeps telling me that when I'm trying to decide on a career I should keep in mind what jobs are available in this county. I get furious. I rarely get furious at my dad, he usually understands long before my mom does, my mom's usually the one to make well-intentioned remarks that show she completely misses the point. But what have I ever done that makes him think I would be content limiting my life to this area? I look through the classified ads at least once a week... the jobs are all for teachers, truck drivers, and personal care aides. I complain daily about how little there is to do here... and he thinks I would voluntarily make my life here? My mom wants to move to New Orleans, Rene to Alaska and Henry to Colorado Springs. My dad would be happiest traveling around in an RV with habitat for humanity. I want to spend a month in every interesting-sounding city until I find one I can grow old in. I'd start with Austin, I think. Then Portland, South Beach Miami, New York, Los Angelos, Seattle, Minneapolis/St.Paul, someplace in Maine, Providence, Boston... and maybe London and Wales and Venice and Tuscany. My mom has wanted to travel her whole life, she's always talked about it and she always dreams about it but she's never DONE it. My biggest goal in life is to never become someone who only talks. ~me |