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It is now less than two weeks before I go away to school and I think the anxiety is making me sick. I have had no appetite ever since we got the official day I have to be there. (an example: Today I've eaten a little bit of melba toast with cheese, some popcorn, one slice of cheese pizza, and a sno-cone, and that's it, and it's like 1/4 of what I usually eat, but I'm not hungry...) Tomorrow is my graduation party. It should be kinda fun. My cousins and I always have fun when we get together... there's a lot of us, cuz my dad's one of seven kids, and we're expecting most of my cousins to come tomorrow, from that side of the family anyway. Nobody's coming from my mom's side of the family. The closest one of them lives an hour away, which really isn't far for a graduation party, and we'd do it, but my mom's family are not spontaneous people. If they're going somewhere more than a half hour away it takes them planning-- "when are we gonna leave, where are we gonna stay, what are we gonna pack." ...it's pretty annoying. But they all sent cards, so I guess it's okay. My parents families wouldn't get along, anyway. I don't think my grandmas have ever met. But it's just as well- my dad's family is too honest for my mom's family. Like my dad's family- someone can just drop by to visit, and if it's getting close to time to eat, they can just say "you want some food?" or "I'd like to invite you but I don't think we have enough to go around" and that's cool either way. My mom's family it's like there's this script you have to follow, and food is a huge part of that. But maybe I'll talk about them some other day. We're going to the Lilith Fair on Monday. I can't wait. :-) Except my dad bought this extra $45 ticket for my cousin, (just like he did last year) and she just backed out at the last minute (just like she did last year) because she says she has to go work at camp or something. What it sounded like to me, is that she keeps saying she wants to go because she thinks- "Sarah has no friends and she wants someone kinda her age to go with her" which is not the case at all. ...okay, so the no friends part is pretty darn accurate. But I have no problem going to the Lilith Fair with just my dad and neither does he- we have fun together, and we both like the music. It's like a bonding thing. He bought the ticket as a present because he thought she'd like it, and before he bought it he asked both her and her parents if she could and wanted to go. So my dad is not going to be happy when he finds out she's not going-- he still doesn't know, and she's gonna be gone by the time she finds out. I think she's gonna have her mom tell him. ...but then I probably shouldn't talk about her, because I'm not sure whether she reads this or not. I'm probably boring you all to death. I think this thing is turning into the kind of online journals I hate- just datebook type descriptions of what happened in a person's life. I should be talking about how Lilith-type music has affected my life and how I feel about it and cool stuff like that, instead of facts like this. But my brain is fuzzy today. If any of you reading have gotten this far and are thinking "She's right- it's a stupid journal" -- you should go to my archives and read "Elsewhere," "Clothes," or "Sleepless and Embarassed." Those are my favorite entry, and the two that got the most response, in that order. I'm listening to Liz Phair's Exile in Guyville, which I bought because she's gonna be at the Lilith Fair and I wanted to know some of her music, and I really like it. Especially the songs "Divorce Song" and "Fuck and Run," probably in that order. I like where she says: And you shouldn't try to mix the two Cuz if you do it and you're still unhappy Then you know that the problem is you |