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I just discovered that the August 7th entry was sitting out in cyberspace where none of you could find it, because I forgot to link it to the index page. That's the second time I've done that, and even though I'm not planning on doing it again, if there's anybody out there who actually reads this on a regular basis, and it hasn't been updated in a couple days and I haven't told you why, you might consider it worthwhile to look on your own... just go to a past journal entry and replace the date with whatever date you're looking for. I always type the month in all lowercase, and then the number. For example, this page is august9.html and there's also august7.html and july17.html etc. etc. etc.
Now that that's out of the way, I can resume with my normal whining. I really feel sick, right now. (I started to type "I feel ill" but that brought be back to all those millions of times the school nurse called up my mom and said "Can you come get Sarah? She's ill." or to my class over the intercom "Please send Sarah's bag down, she's going home ill" ...and then I just felt foolish, so I had to write "sick") ...anyway. I'm neaseous, and I can't decide whether I haven't eaten enough today, or if it's the heat or the paxil, or if I'm just plain ol' scared. And I'm thinking it's probably all of them. It is really hot here... I can't tell you exactly how hot, but yesterday it was over 100. And maybe there's people out there reading this... Anyone from Texas out there?... who are thinking I'm complaining about nothing, but everyone in this county is far more used to ten degrees below zero than we are 100 degrees. We can deal with much easier... I mean, at least the houses here are heated! Nobody bothers with air conditioning, because it's rarely hot enough to want it. But my parents own a camper that came with air conditioning, so that's where I was last night, and that's why this journal wasn't updated. I was there, sleeping, and that's all there is to it. On the way there we stopped at Blockbuster, which was challenging. I went in there with my dad, and I was looking for a movie, and I walked around the new releases, and I saw nothing that a) I wanted to see, b) I hadn't already seen, c) my dad wouldn't complain about watching. So then I walked around the dramas, and was about ready to go home when I noticed this great big sign for "Kids New Releases" so I walked over there, and I discovered that that is where Blockbuster hides all the good movies. :-) I got out "Buddy" and "A Fairy Tale: A True Story" and watched them both and I thought they were both really good. 'Specially the Fairy Tale one. That one was very me. Meaning that those girls were very much like I was when I was little. Except they wore dresses. But that's just a time period difference. Today my mom was in a bad mood all day, I think because it was hot but she felt like she had to vacuum and scrub bathrooms anyway, which will never make sense to me. I can see the need to vacuum occasionally, but I don't think it is ever needed so much that it must be done in 100 degree weather, when what you'd really like to be doing is sitting in a movie theatre drinking pepsi. My dad apparently agrees with me, because he worked on the picnic tables some, but when I went out to him and said I thought we should go to a movie, he had obviously already been thinking about it, because he said he figured we should drive to Erie (an hour away) to go to the real cinema, and he would stop in at work on the way back. (my dad works 45 minutes from our house.) So I called up Tinseltown and we went to see "Ever After" (the cinderella movie) ...it was the first time I'd ever been in Tinseltown and it was great. They had real food to buy, instead of just disgusting popcorn and some candy, and the seats in the theatre we were in were these really great high-back comfortable type seats. Not at all like the seats at our little cinemas, where your back falls asleep within the first half hour. I loved Ever After. Drew Barrymore is of course terrific, and I love the costumes of that movie. Especially the peasant girl costumes, like Belle in Beauty and the Beast, only real. I love those. I can't tell you why, but I do. I would much rather have a dress like that than the most dressy dress they showed in that movie. I came out of there wanting to put my hair in little braids like she had hers, and I had to think to talk in a normal voice, because my tongue wanted to talk in English. ....and they did really great with the story. I mean, usually Cinderella is this girl who lives with her evil stepmother and she has to have the prince rescue her. And they fell in love at first sight, which is of course entirely superficial. In this version, they fell in love based almost solely on intellect, and he never rescues her. In fact, she rescues him at one point... and they explain why it is she's staying with her stepmother, even though she's so wicked. And it's not because she thinks she can't leave- it's because she considers it her manor, and she's looking out after all the servants who live there. So it appealed to my (sometimes overwhelming) feminist side, too, which is a lot to say for a Cinderella story. So anyway, now I'm sitting here, in my very uncomfortable computer chair, which was stolen from the kitchen table years ago, typing my heart out to whatever stranger wants to read it and I think I smell bad. I took a shower around 1pm today, but I think I still smell. I wear sports sandals every summer until they fall apart, and this summer I needed a new pair so I got these great little Teva's and I paid way too much for them... I previously had three pairs of the exact same kind of Timberlands which I loved, but they don't make them anymore... so I got the Teva's and I think they're great until I start actually wearing them. And since then, I've noticed that whatever synthetic material these sandals are made of starts to really smell whenever it gets wet. And it doesn't matter whether it gets wet because it's hot out or my feet are sweating or whether I just jumped in a puddle. And they still smell the next morning after they dry out, and the worst part is that they contaminate my feet, so that even now at 2:50am when I haven't worn them in at least 5 hours I can still smell them. And I am so stubborn. I didn't even technically pay for these sandals (my mom did) and I'm still sure that I have to wear them out, because that's what you do with shoes. You wear them until they fall apart. And I don't know where I got that idea, because no body in my family wears shoes until they fall apart, except me. I think it's how I justify spending so much money on things. My Swatch, I bought two years ago for $40, I have only rarely worn any other watch since then, and now that the band is splitting into two pieces, now I'm ready to shop for a new one. And my last pair of shoes were these great green nikes that I bought last August and except for the days I wore my Doc Martens I wore them every day and I finally threw them out when the heel was coming disconnected from the rest of the shoe. I figure it's the least I can do for the sweat shop workers who make them. Somehow it seems to lessen the evil a little. I would hate to think of them sitting in a hot factory for hours on end laboring over these shoes for basically no money, just so I can buy them and stick them in my closet. It makes no sense, but for some reason I am tired and my brain isn't working right. And I am still neasous. mental tally: today I have eaten: one pizza sub, two eggs over easy, toast, hashbrowns, 4 snackwells cookies, some tatertots. and lots of pepsi. ....I can't decide if this is enough or not. It could be why I'm neasous, I suppose... ummm... Paxil: I didn't take one this morning. I think I took one yesterday morning. If I took one yesterday morning, that's not why I'm neasous. Heat: it's not that hot any more. Sleep: I slept twelve hours last night and only got up 15 hours ago. I guess the most logical conclusion is that I need food, but there isn't anything to eat in this house except bagels that resemble baseball bats and boxes after boxes of food that require 20 minutes of standing over the stove stirring to make. And I'm not up to that. so I'm just gonna go now, and sit here in front of this computer doing this which require less thought that this journal, until I get up the energy to go to bed or eat or whatever. The Ani view I aspire to: I think this, this is good enough and I try to laugh At whatever life brings cuz when I look down I just miss all the good stuff and when I look up I just trip over things (~ani difranco, "as is") |