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I finally figured out why I'm getting so many more hits to this page- there's a link to me at Metajournals. I figured it was only fair to link back to them.
The birthday party was fun. There were 22 people including babies at our table in the restaurant. We had our own private section. That's all I have to say about that. I got upset last night and wrote an enormous (read:7 college ruled pages.) letter to "j.a.". When I got here I called her to see if I should send it.... I've gotta quit doing that. I really need to just give up and move on. But I can't. She's in my head and I can't seem to get her out. The problem is she is basically the only person who really knows everything, and more importantly, she understands most of it. There are some people here who know some things, but none of them know everything. I can't bring myself to tell them. I can't seem to believe that there are really people who won't see me differently when I start telling them how crazy my life has been, and I don't want them to see me differently at all. I know there would be people who would like me because of that, but I don't want that either. It's dumb, really. I want people to like me without regard to my past, when really, I am the one who can't forget about it. I think parts of me still haven't left eighth grade and I think a lot of what's left still hasn't recovered. In one of my classes we were reading about a group who says we have been taught to be ashamed of our achievements and proud of our weaknesses... they put it out there like that's debateable but I don't think it is at all. speaking of which, I'm having more-than-mild panic attacks about this debate I have to do on Wednesday, specifically about the paper I have to hand in then. I should definitely be doing that. |