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I think I might be in the wrong major. I'm a political science major right now.... and a women's studies minor. I think I might be in the wrong place. The thing with me is my interests change. If I had started college when I was in 5th or 6th grade I would have been a botony or environmental studies major... 8th grade I would have been a psychology major... 9th grade, special ed. It just so happened that by tenth grade (...when I did start college.) things all came together to make me interested in politics. In the past year my interests have shifted from politics in general to gender issues. And I'm still interested.... but it's fading. And I haven't got the slightest idea what I would do with my life if I left this school with a bachelors in political science. I really have no interest in being a lawyer. I don't really want to work in government. I don't know what I want to do, but I am fairly certain whatever I spend most of my life doing will have nothing to do with politics... politics is almost a hobby for me. I study what I'm interested in, I always have. I guess that wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for how fast my interests change. I've been into politics for two years now... that could very well be a record. The other problem, though, is I'm not feeling a new interest come on. Usually, my interest fades only when I find something else that makes me spend hour after hour in my room with a mile-high stack of library books.
I think college might be bad for me. If I weren't here I would be curled up in my bed at home reading "A Prayer for Owen Meany" which is calling to me right now from my bookshelf, (I've never read it, please don't write me about it yet.) but instead I'm writing this thinking that once I finish I have to go back and study approaches to political analysis and I don't even understand what the course is about. I seriously think that if they would only let me loose in this place, with all these teachers and a library twice the size of the one they have now, and let me live here for two years and told me to study.... I would learn more than I ever possibly could in regular classes. I know, I know, I'm the exception. But since I've been here, I think I learned the most the afternoon that I took off from studying, went to the library, and sat in the basement reading the very first issues of Ms. (They have them down there! It's incredible! You can't even understand how excited I was to discover that there is a collection of every Ms. ever made just a 10 minute walk from my bedroom.) There have been very few constants in my interests.... I've always been at least slightly into women's rights, I'm sure that came straight from my mom when I was just a baby. I've always loved reading, and not only fiction... I've been known to read textbooks because all of a sudden I had a need to know about something and that was the first book I came across. (...that's how I ended up being homeschooled.... I was 13, my mom knew I was interested in kids with disabilites, she borrowed an old college textbook from one of her friends and gave it to me, she didn't tell me it was a college textbook because she thought it might intimidate me... and when I emerged from my room four hours later asking all kinds of questions, my dad remembered. He said he didn't have anything near that level of interest or reading comprehension when he was in college, and that's the day he started to wonder what in the world I was doing failing ninth grade...) Anyway, I've always been interested in books, gender issues... I've been very into computers and the internet ever since I got my first one five years ago. And I've always wanted to work with kids... for longer than I can remember- my second job ambition was to be a pediatrition. I never did learn how to spell, but I wanted to be one from around the time I was 4 until I was 10, and again when I was 11-12 or so. (I'm told my first job ambition was to work at McDonald's. I guess it took a couple years for me to absorb from my mom that burger flipper is not an acceptable career.) I have no idea if there is even a job out there I would be happy doing for more than two years. Two years tends to be my limit on things, I think... I spent two years learning about plants at the end of elementary school, two years in middle school before I couldn't take it anymore, two years after I couldn't take it anymore studying psychology, two years at JCC before I started to get bored.... Computers and kids are about the only things that have really lasted longer than two years. But computers are a hobby.... I don't think I could translate it into a job I really enjoyed. And I know I couldn't live through getting a degree in computer science. Not unless I could test out of courses. Even computer science courses have prerequsites, and I just can not sit through a class on windows or word processing or even basic html. I took a class in spreadsheets once... never again, believe me. okay... that's not much of a conclusion.... I mean, you're not supposed to end these things mid-thought... or at least I don't think you're supposed to, I guess there aren't any rules. But the girl across the hall just came in and started a conversation with me a couple minutes ago (and ran back across the hall when her phone rang) and I completely lost my train of thought. Oh well. |