RH: Hello folks, Richard Head here today visiting with one of EWA's newest and most beautiful, ehh hrmmm... in my opinion, most beautiful young starlettes... Kitty Valentine! How's it going Kitty?
K: Eh, I'm a little sore from a couple good matches, but it's all good here.
RH: Yes, you just had a couple of absolutely brutal matches yesterday with Mr. Execution... but before we talk about that, let's get into you're History... you say you are from Hollywood?
K: Yup, Hollywood. I was in an orphanage for the first years of my life, but at around twelve, I ran away to Hollywood to be a star. That's where I met Daddy and Mommy... or as you call them, Vincent and Evil Alice.
RH: They were in Hollywood at one point too then? And are you saying that they aren't you're real Mom and Dad?
K: Nope, I never met my real mom and dad. But Vincent took me in like a daughter, and I was young at the time, so I just started calling him Daddy, same with Evil Alice as Mommy. To me, they are my parents.
RH: Wow, I think that completely caught me off guard... none of us realized this I don't think... but that is nice, they must be nice people to have taken you in like that?
K: Daddy is pretty nice. Mommy wasn't happy about me at first, she thought I was annoying, but she got used to me after a bit. Dad and I get better along than me and mom.
RH: I see...
K: But Mom was the one to first show me the EWA…
RH: Oh yes Evil Alice...
K: After seeing a couple shows, I had to meet the man who started it all, and she obliged and brought me all the way here to meet Wolfman. Dad wasn't too happy, considering he hates Wolfman X
RH: Yes, Wolfman X... he claims to have been the reason for your coming to the EWA, being that you were his number 1 fan? Is this true?
K: Well, in a way it is and in a way it's not. I came to the EWA to wrestle. I knew I was pretty tough, and it was a way to get in the spotlight like I always wanted… and I knew if I got in good with Wolfman X, the biggest person in the EWA, that wouldn't be a problem.
RH: You love the spotlight.. there is no doubt…
K: laughs Yeah, I think that's a bit obvious.
RH: You have only made a few appearances so far, but I'd say you've already made an impact
K: Really? Glad you think so.
RH: Yes, you're decently good looking too, for a girl...
K: Decently?
RH: For a girl.
K: DECENTLY?
RH: I said for a girl didn't I?
K: holds back anger ...Yeah.... You did.
RH: Not that like ya know, I'm gay or anything…
K: Right, I'm sure there, Dick.
RH: But people always seem to claim that or something… anyways, back to the interview, what do you think of Wolfman X? You have had your troubles with him, and better times... where do you stand now?
K: I think he's a bit egotistical, but I think he's an okay guy. That whole thing with Shortcakes really messed him up, so I wasn't too mad about him busting me up a bit. I understood where he stands on the whole idea of betrayal.
RH: Yes, very much... now you were in Dementia at one point too right... we all know now about your Mother and Father, but when did you meet Max Delirium... or General Incoherence... or uh Madd E. Rational the first time? What's he like outside the ring?
K: Max? Well, he's about as talkative as he is inside the ring.
RH: So you're saying that he is in Max character when outside the ring mostly? Does he ever switch characters when say you're hanging out or walking down the street?
K: He has a couple times. I've only seen Madd E. once, but he used to switch to General Inco. every once and a while. He'd hit on me and try to sleep with me, and then be pissed off that he did when he changed back into Max.
RH: Haha, really?
K: Yeah, it was kind of awkward to hear General's voice coming out of Max's mouth.
RH: He does have nice hair though, don't you agree?
K: Actually, when they took him back to the Asylum, they were able to hold him down and actually cut it all off.
RH: Oh no!
K: Or so Daddy told me over the phone a couple of months ago.
RH: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Richard Head is almost weeping...
K: Yeah, I'm not looking forward to seeing it.
RH: Well... oh man it's hard to continue, knowing all this... so sudden…
K: Glares at Richard Well, we could stop, if you'd like me to practice my Twist Of Faete on you. Smiles deviously
RH: No no no, we'll uh just continue now then... Have you ever spent anytime in the Asylum with them?
K: No, I'm not insane like Mommy, Daddy, or Max. I visited Dad a couple times the last time he was thrown in, but then Mommy would bitch that she wasn't getting laid and stopped letting me go.
RH: I see... and about Psycho Dementia's other member, Psycohol... did you ever talk much with him in your days with the group?
K: Well, after seeing him in action and talking to him a few times, he became my favorite wrestler in the EWA.
RH: I heard this, he was bragging one time... bragging that Kitty Valentine idolized him...
K: laughs Really? I didn't realize I was as popular as I seem to be in the EWA, but it's awesome to hear.
RH: Yah I guess, I'd personally be bragging if one of the bigger stronger guys said he thought I was cool... but I mean if he likes having girls say they like him, then that's his deal, right? I mean... awkward silence… forget that last comment... more awkward silence… so ummm... did you watch much wrestling on TV before joining the EWA?
K: Oh yeah, I watched a lot of the previous EWA shows, and I watched some of the older WWF stuff. I used to have to fight a lot of guys off in Hollywood, so I got pretty strong, and figured I might be cut out to do something like that.
RH: You are pretty strong... look at those arms, I'm almost attracted to you...
Dick leans in to feel biceps of Kitty… she bites Richard's arm!
RH: YEEEEOOOUUUUCH!!!
K: Off the package.
RH: Alright... alright… So uh... we'll move right on to the last show... you fought Mr. Execution twice... I think we all thought it a shocker when you kissed him after that first match!
K: Yeah, I guess it would have been huh.
RH: Yes, what was running through your mind??? What made you kiss him? He seems so obnoxious on camera...
K: Well, when Ex fought me, he actually put up a fight. He didn't take it easy on me like Wolfman X, and he wasn't a moron like Splooge. I've liked Ex for a while, but him beating me like that really showed me who he was. So I figured that kissing him was the best way to thank him, and I figured doing it on camera would help with all those gay comments he hates.
RH: Yes definitely... so do you think he really is gay? Just wondering...
K: Sorry to disappoint you Richard, but I think he's shy, not gay.
RH: Ha! Disappoint? HA! Why would I be disappointed.... awww... pouts to himself a little
K: coughsRichard's gaycoughs
RH: What was that? Did you say something?
K: Nothing, think I'm getting a cold…
RH: Oh I see, well I hope you get better... anyways, in your 2nd match, it looked like he was going to go easy on you.
K: Yeah, that kind of pissed me off.
RH: But you didn't let him, you made him fight, and you pulled out the win!
K: Yeah, I hate it when people take it easy on me, just cause I'm a girl. It really... Pisses... Me... Holds back anger ...Off.
RH: I don't think it was cuz you were a girl, obviously the first match showed that, I think he liked you... and he asked you out on a date during the match, to which you accepted... no one was more shocked than I was Ms. Valentine!
K: Yeah, sorry, I'm sure your heart was in pieces.
RH: No... whu-what are you talking about?
K: So what you were more surprised at? That he asked? Or that I accepted?
RH: Ummm errr...
K: Since you thought he was gay and all…
RH: Hey, I am the one doing the interviewing here lady, not you!
K: So?
RH: So I ask the questions
K: I think everyone has questioned your ambiguity long enough.
RH: I don't know what you are going on about... this is ridiculous!
K: Ugh... I'd give you a good old-fashioned DDT, but then you'd probably pass out and we'd never finish this interview.
RH: Darn tootin'! So you stay right in your seat!
K: Come on, get on with the questions.
RH: Ok, so on the date... you looked bored… maybe getting pizza and playing on the playgrounds wasn’t your thing?
K: No, it was awsome, I loved it. I was just tired... Remember? Got the CRAP beat out of me by a couple people yesterday?
RH: Really... you weren't even eating the pizza... you looked like you thought he was gay or something?
K: HE'S NOT GAY! JESUS!
RH: Was he a good kisser?
K: WHY THE HELL WOULD I TELL YOU!? ...Yes.
Richard pulls pad out of pocket and writes something down
K: BUT WHY WOULD I TELL YOU!?
puts pad it back in pocket…
RH: Just taking notes...
K: ...Right...
RH: Anyway...
K: Yeah, anyway.
RH: He dared you to kiss him, I was jeal... I was surprised he worked up the nerve...
K: I'm sorry, you were what? coughsgaycoughs
RH: You really gotta do something about that cold.
K: Yeah, I know, it sucks.
RH: So then he got another kiss... then Wolfman X came along and ruined it all...
K: Yeah, I was pretty pissed about that. But was too tired to really do anything about it, so I just carried Ex home.
RH: You guys do anything else, or just call it a night?
K: We hung out and watched some Godzilla movies for a bit, but then I went home. We were both pretty out of it.
RH: Wow, Execution likes the Godzilla movies too? I've known Splooge and Psycohol to watch them from time to time... personally I prefer watching uh... err nevermind that...
Rich hits himself in the head a few times while mumbling to himself
K: You know dude, we've become a pretty open country… if you want to say something, like about your, um, preferences... You should say it now.
RH: Well I will say this, Elton John can rock the socks off a piano ten times better than Stevie Wonder or Billy Joel!
K: By the way, didn't Ex look incredibly hot when he ripped his shirt off in front of camera yesterday?
RH: What?! Did I miss something??? Wait, let me run get the tape, you show me where!
K: Oh, so you want to see?
RH: Yeah, it has to be so........ funny, ha ha ha, you know Ex... he's funny ha ha… the crazy stuff that guy does...
K: mumbles Dammit, this guy is pissing me off...
RH: So uh, do you think you're relationship with him is going to bloom even further? Or would you say it's over?
K: I think it could go further... Ex is a really awesome guy off-camera, even though he's a bit shy. I guess I forgive him for that whole twitch sleeping with my twitch ...mom twitch thing. I would definitely say it's not over.
RH: Well that’s nice.... uh, lets move on to the lightning round...
K: coughyou're jealouscoughs
RH: So I know you've only had a very few matches in the EWA... but any favorite yet?
K: I think my match with Ex yesterday was my favorite. That, or my first match, where I kicked Suicide in the stomach. Or was it his face? I just remember it was funny.
RH: I don't remember, but yesterdays was a decent match... under his breath So this is what its like to work with females... this is my last interview with one of them hmmmph
K: What was that?
RH: Oh I was asking you who is your favorite EWA Superstar?
K: What's the difference between the wrestlers and the superstars?
RH: Well I was trying to make it sound more extravagant, no difference...
K: Ah, coughsyou suckcoughs Damn this cold.... Yeah, I think I established this, but I'll say it again. Psycohol would have to be my all time favorite wrestler. He's the most talented and entertaining wrestler in the EWA. Not to mention he has awesome hair.
RH: Oh thats right, he's pretty cute, I mean cut... errr, I mean Tough... shrinks back into his chair wanting to disappear
K: Awww, did we let something slip there Mr. Dick Head? Psycohol 666: Don't call me DICK! Damn blasted confounded infernal mother for naming me that! How about errr, funniest wrestler?
K: It's pretty hard to choose between Mr. Execution and Splooge... But I'd have to say Mr. Execution, he's made me laugh a lot more, and he's not as annoying as Splooge.
RH: A lot of people I think are in agreement... except maybe Ex himself... oh yah, I forgot to ask earlier... what do you think about this whole Face thing, his perverted ways, and trying to rape you and all that bad stuff? I really can't get behind this guy...
K: Face really pisses me off.
RH: I would imagine...
K: He seemed pretty cool from the way he looks, but once he opened his mouth, I hated him. And have since.
RH: Yeah, I don't like him anymore either, after his conversion to perversion... I would never touch his Face-Snake........ or anyone's snake ya know, but especially his... Silence So how about we play a little game now...
K: Sure, I know you won't do anything perverted, you don't like girls.
RH: Wait wait wait.... whoa whoa hold on there Missy... what’s this about me not liking girls... who tells you these things?
K: That's Kitty!!! Not Missy, call me that again and I'll break your neck.
RH: Ok.... gulp.... Maaam… Kitty err... I...... like..... girls...
K: Well I don't think you like me, so I just assumed it might be the same for all females. But you do like my biceps, so I could be wrong.
RH: I like you, I said you were pretty… and yes, you're biceps are cut… but onto the game… So ummm, you ever play uh… patty-cake before?
K: Yeah, I played it in the orphanage a while ago.
RH: Ok so this is like patty-cake…
K:...Kay... Eyes Richard cautiously
RH: It's just like patty-cake, but instead of slapping hands on knees and hitting hands and stuff, I'm gonna call out a name of one of EWA's Superstars, and you give me a quick one or two word response.... got it?
K: Okay, sounds good I guess.
RH: Ok, let's begin... Vincent Demented.
K: Daddy.
RH: Hmmm... Evil Alice?
K: Mommy… Whore!
RH: Whoah, harsh words there folks…
K: You gonna argue with me? Growls
RH: No no, maam…Dick backs chair up a little… Max E. Incoherence…
K: Insane, Quiet.
RH: Face.
K: Perverted Jerkwad.
RH: Haha! Mr. Splooge.
K: Annoying Ninja
RH: Mishieru.
K: Highpitched Japanese Lady.
RH: Wolfman X.
K: Egotistical Baldman.
RH: Oh yah... the bald is good though... it's goood... I mean ummm... who else, who else....
K: You like them bald, huh Dick? ...I mean... Richard...
RH: You watch it!
Kitty smiles innocently
RH: Ok, Psycohol
K: Greatest Wrestler! Awesome Hair!
RH: I said two words!!! Not four! You're ruining my whole format!!! Damn women!!!
K: Stands up You want one of my boots to have a meeting with your ass?
RH: Uhh.... Mr. Execution?
K: she sits back down Great Guy.
RH: Ok, and just out of curiosity... I do this to some people... what do you think about err, Richard Head? The man you speak to as we speak.
K: I think you're a very closeted tightwad who needs to loosen up.
RH: Closeted how? …and I am very loose, I haven't been tight for a long time...
K: ....
Silence
RH: This is awkward...
K: Yeah... Well... So you're loose huh? That's not something you really should tell people you just met, especially a girl.
RH: I didn't mean it like the way I think you think you're meaning it... ha ha. But uh, we sure have learned a lot of things here today huh?
K: Yeah, we have, some things I really didn't need to know.
RH: No, I meant about you.... and all...
K: Oh…
RH: Oh jeez...
K: Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people found out a lot more about Kitty Valentine than they knew before.
RH: Indeed. I hope you enjoyed this session as much as I did....
K: Yeah, it was pretty cool I guess. Hope you get out of the closet one day. I mean... no, I can't cover that up.
RH: I don't know what she's talkin about folks, but this is Richard Head signing off... reaches for her bicep again... Oooooh how masculine baby…
Kitty bites Richard Head’s arm and holds on… She lets go and spits…
K: I told you not to touch the baggage, DICK.
RH: Can I at least see your abs? I wanna see strong stomach muscles!
K: Urg.... I guess... Ex isn't gonna be too happy.
RH: Geez, what is this turning into folks?
K: Wait... Why would I show you my abs? They may be bad ass, but you're gay! I mean… Okay… lifts shirt to show stomach
RH: looking... Eh the muscles aren't bad... but the wasteline is too curvy... I prefer a strai.... uhhh……..
K: Ah, I see... So do I.
RH: Uhhhh.... yah...
K: Might want to check out Psycohol sometimes. He's built pretty bad ass.
RH: I already ha.... now why would I do such a silly thing...
K: I dunno... coughsgaycoughs
Interview cuts out as these two talk about Psycohol's ripped build.......