AUTHOR: Emily
E-MAIL: DoylesPrincess@aol.com
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to the crack-head Joss Whedon. The song
"Falls To Climb" belongs to R.E.M.
RATING: Nothing worse than the show.
SPOILERS: All Angel episodes through "Hero", which didn't really happen, but
we all know how that story goes…
NOTES: I was in one of my funky moods again, hence the story. It was 11:30
last night and I had a major case of insomnia. I think that should explain
it… Also, this is very short for me... :-)
SUMMARY: Doyle's thoughts during his last few minutes and after during "Hero".
DEDICATION: To Linda, who is the queen of writing stories that make me bawl
my eyes out.
FEEDBACK: It gives me happies.
DISTRIBUTION: If you want it,please ask
first.
"Would you ask me out for dinner already?" My face still stung from her
slapping it, but I could hardly believe the words that had just come out of
her mouth. She wanted me to take her out for dinner. It was an opportunity I
had waited only too long for.
"Yeah?" It took me a minute to find my voice. She smiled at me - a smile
I had waited to see. And just as I began to ask, I saw the light die from her
eyes. What I had began was short-lived, never to be finished, as Angel showed
up - which couldn't possibly be a good sign. He couldn't have waited five
minutes to tell us about the impending doom?
I could barely remember what happened next. People running in every
direction, Angel ordering us to go below the Quinntessa. I hadn't known Angel
for long, but I had never seen him panic like that before.
The light was almost blinding. Cordelia and I met up with Angel, and the
fear was so evident by the expression on his face I felt sick. We were all
going to die unless someone stopped it. And I knew. This was it - my chance
for redemption. The sins I had committed in the past could be erased if I
just did this one thing. I felt so sick, and scared, and wasn't sure what to
do. If I didn't do it, I knew Angel would. But then where would that leave
all the other people he was supposed to save? Sure, he'd save the 20 or so
people here tonight - but what about everyone else? I could never do what he
did. Angel was ready. After almost 245 years of guilt he was ready to leave
this world. I barely even heard what he was saying, but for the second time
that night I found it hard to speak. Except this time it wasn't because I was
happy.
"The good fight, yeah? You never know 'til you've been tested? I get that
now…" And I really did. I understood that until you are in that moment, you
had to do what needed to be done. And it was now or never.
*Who cast the final stone?
Who threw the crushing blow?
Someone has to take the fall
Why not me?*
So I punched Angel - he didn't know it was coming. Knocked him right over
the side. He'd thank me for it later. I heard Cordelia gasp in the
background, and I turned to face her. I walked over to her and kissed her.
She wasn't expecting that either - I was sure of it. Besides - wasn't that
what most heroes did? Kiss the girl and then sacrifice themselves for the
greater good? Ah, who cared right then, anyway…
I had to show her who I really was. I turned, my father's side coming out
in me.
"Too bad we'll never know…if this is a face you could learn to love." It
was hard to read her expression, but I don't think I scared her. Maybe she
could have learned to love me, had we been given more time. But it seems like
the Powers that Be always won, always will. The good guys die fighting,
saving the day, while the bad guys go on.
I could hear Angel screaming my name, and I had to go. If I didn't, he'd
catch up with me and defeat my purpose. So I jumped. I was about to do the
scariest thing I would ever do in my life -
I reached the plugs, and the second the light hit my skin I could feel it
burning into me. I had never felt pain that strongly before. I reached up and
grabbed the plugs, and I just hoped I could go through with it. Make my
friends proud. I turned back to where they stood - Cordelia's face was wet
with tears. For a split second I wanted to forget it all. To go back to them,
let someone else do it. But I couldn't. I knew that. Besides the fact that by
every second the light was draining me of my life more and more, I couldn't
let all those people die. I couldn't let that happen again.
So I smiled at them, trying to reassure them that it was okay - that I'd
be okay with it and that they'd live. Angel would continue to fight crime,
save lives - lost some in the process due to unforeseen events. Cordelia
would go on, work for Angel awhile more, until she got her big break. She'd
marry some rich actor or director, have a kid or two - get divorced, marry
again. I'm not sure if I would have been able to make her happy - not on my
salary. But maybe she wasn't all material things. Maybe if I had been able to
start over with her -
I fought with the plugs furiously, the demon being taken away from me,
along with my human side. I screamed, I could no longer keep it inside of me.
I tried so hard to not let them hear my pain -
It eventually subsided and the light was gone. Angel held Cordelia, her
crying into his shoulder. I never wanted to make her cry -
I knew I had done the right thing. I had saved so many lives, including
those of my two best friends. I had made my redemption and was now a hero.
I didn't like knowing how badly I had hurt them. They'd get over it, in
time. But considering that Angel keeps everything inside, they probably won't
talk about it much, if at all. I'll eventually fade into the woodwork and
become a distant memory, as it happens when people die.
But hopefully I won't soon be forgotten. I like to believe that they
won't forget me and that they won't have someone new in my place in at the
office on Monday.
At least I'm able to watch them. I think that maybe that'll hurt more -
but I guess I wouldn't be able to take not knowing. But not being able to
help them when I know they're in trouble…
I guess you can only play the part of the hero once, huh?
*Had consequence chose differently
Had fate its ugly head
My actions make me beautiful
And dignify the flesh
I am free…*
The End
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