Regis Philbin-"Screech"

Regis Philbin is not who he says he is. He is really Dustin "Screech" Diamond (most notabely from Saved by the Bell, Saved by the Bell-The New Class and Saved by the Bell the Movie-Saved by the Bell Goes to Haiwaii). After Screech's popularity declined with lagging Neilson ratings, he decided to disguise himself with a rubber mask and by screaming every other word. He would then fuffill his lust for power by joining his twin cousin, Col. Simon Diamond of the Martian army, by helping to take over the world.

Screech wants a delapated bookmobile. He would do this in order to help raise funds by hiding refugees from Delaware. He would then feed them ham and cheese sandwiches with sweet potatoes (see Martian on the Moon I/II) and enlist them in the Martian Army.

That was not a typo-the refugees do come from Delaware. Why Delaware? Because who the hell wants to live in Delaware? Honestly!! The capital is Wilmington. Nobody even knows what the friggin' state looks like. I could scan a picture of my **expletive deleted** on the screen and no one could tell the difference between that and Delaware.