Hey everyone, Brianna here.
I hope everyone has had a good week.
I have had the most crazy week.
I just have to say that ex boyfriends are crazy.
My ex saw me with another guy
(someone whom I was helping move into his new house because
he had no one else to help him).
Anyway, my ex flipped out calling me names -
even though HE is the one that cheated and is with someone else now.
He went crazy and sped in his new gf's car towards me.
He was trying to scare me but he did not turn enough and he slammed into my NEW car.
I was SOOOOOOOOOO pissed that I jumped out and called 911 and told him that
he was going to jail.
He fled the scene and the cops came but by some miracle there
was very little damage to my 1 week old car.
When he came back he almost fought with the guy that I was helping and
the cops had to break it up -
and his new gf was just standing there like a dumb ass staring...
doesn't she realize that he was doing that because of jealousy???
I mean why else is he going to flip if he sees me with another guy?
The funny part is that we are not together anymore and he now acts all crazy
if he sees or hears that I am with someone else.
Even though I am not messing around with anyone,
it wouldn't be his business anyway if I were.
Like I said ex bf's/gf's are CRAZY!!!!
Well, enough of that. How is everyone? I am great.
I bought a brand new car last week.
Yup just went to the dealer, test drove the 2002 Maxima and fell in love.
Now I am sporting a 2002 Nissan Maxima SE fully loaded and I love
pumping my system while my toosh gets warm in my heated seats.
Also, I went out and got my hair done yesterday so I am feeling like a
brand new woman practically.
The best news is that I get stronger and stronger everyday.
It has been over 3 weeks since my ex broke my heart and I am getting over it -
slowly but I am doing it.
I am going to write a little poem now from scratch. Lets see if I still got it:
I wonder who my true love really is in this life,
Honestly, I thought I found it twice,
It might have been love but it wasn't true,
It was just a phase over someone new,
I need someone who will brighten my day,
Make me smile no matter he may say,
I want to snuggle in a strong man's arms,
And make my heart set off it's alarms,
For having TRUE love is the ultimate goal,
Because any other love is like a lump of coal,
So if you know you love someone truly then you should say it everyday,
Don't let other people get in your way,
They say you don't know what you have until it's not there anymore,
So treat them with respect and love them forever more!
I hope you like it.
I just wrote it off the top of my head so if it isn't the best,
don't complain to me.
Next week I am going to start something new to my post.
I am going to review a different website each week.
I am not talking about normal regular websites wither.
I am talking about BIZARRE, WEIRD, FUNNY, and TASTELESS websites.
If anyone would like to suggest a website for me to review, please email me.
Let me end this now with some laughs.
Have a good week!
Love,
Brianna
Sign of the Times
Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the
airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad
beauty holding a can of beer. Bill's girlfriend
glanced up at it and said, "I suppose
if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look
like her."
"No," Bill corrected, "If *I* drank a six-pack,
of that brand, you'd look like her."
Is It Male or Female?
SWISS ARMY KNIFE -- male, because even though
it appears useful for a wide variety of work,
it spends most of its time just opening bottles.
KIDNEYS -- female, because they always go to
the bathroom in pairs.
TIRE -- male, because it goes bald and is
often over-inflated.
HOT AIR BALLOON: male, because to get it
to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under
it . . . and, of course, there's the hot air part.
SPONGES -- female, because they are soft and
squeezable and retain water.
WEB PAGE -- female, because it is always
getting hit on.
SHOE -- male, because it is usually unpolished,
with its tongue hanging out.
COPIER -- female, because once turned off,
it takes a while to warm up -- because it is
an effective reproductive device when the right
buttons are pushed -- because it can wreak havoc
when the wrong buttons are pushed.
ZIPLOC BAGS -- male, because they hold everything
in, but you can always see right through them.
SUBWAY -- male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
HAMMER -- male, because it hasn't evolved much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
REMOTE CONTROL -- Definitely female, because
it gives men pleasure; he'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons
to push, he keeps trying.
SOME FACTS
If you yelled for 8 years,
7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee... (Hardly seems worth it)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body
to squirt blood 30 feet (OMG...!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy, but I'm still not over the pig)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home .. maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body.
The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length.
It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes... can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(Who knew...? Who cares!)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(And what about pigs?)
Family Poem
Many, many years ago when I was twenty-three
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my stepmother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild. For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
Morning Poem
I woke early one morning, the earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird perched on my window sill.
He sang a song so lovely, so carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles began to slip away.
He sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun,
It seemed his very trilling brought up the morning sun.
I stirred beneath the covers, crept slowly out of bed,
Then gently shut the window and crushed his fucking head.
I'm not a morning person.
