Let's mangle these jingles. Do you have a contribution? Please, something YOU came up with. E-mail it to me!
1.Satan Claws Is Coming To Slay You
2.Frosty The Dough Man
3.Whitey Christmas
4.Holly Jolly My Ass
5.Rudolph Flips Out
******************************************************* *Satan Claws Is Coming To Slay You* You'd better watch out, you'd better shut your mouth, you'd better hide out, you'd better crawl under your couch. Satan Claws is coming to slay you. Oh, he's makin' a list, of everything you do, he's thinkin of the ways he's gonna get you, Satan Claws is coming to slay you. He knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he's big, he's bad, he's hard to kill, so get a wooden stake. Oh, he's makin' you wish, you'd never been born, he's got an evil laugh and he deserves your scorn, Satan Claws is coming to slay you.
*Frosty The Dough Man*
Frosty the Dough Man, he was made of cash and change.
He was our boy Frost, oh but what he cost, and he was quite deranged.
Frosty the Dough Man, made of all our junk and greed.
As the houses glowed neon bright, each and every night some guy aimed towards him and peed.
Frosty the Dough Man, has been know to eat children whole.
Then he spits them out and happily hears them shout "Frosty took my soul".
*Whitey Christmas* I'm dreaming.....of a whitey Christmas.....
Like ones they show on tv shows....
'Cus I'm a minority, and all my life I've lived in poverty.....
So I guess I'll just sit here and dream.
*Holly Jolly My Ass*
"Have a holly jolly Christmas" my ass. The best time of the year?
I don't don't know if I'll survive all of this bloody "cheer".
"Have a holly jolly Christmas" songs like this fill me with fear.
And if this season is the best it gets, just shoot me dead right here.
"Have a holly jolly Christmas"....what is it to have a "holly" something? It sounds rather queer.
"Have a holly jolly Christmas" I took out my Walmart gun, and drank another beer
"Have a holly jolly Christmas", I went across the street, and shot my neighbor's plastic raindeer.
"Have a holly jolly Christmas", plays as I sit here in my cell.
The guard tells me to can it as I hollar "Christmastime can go to hell"
*Rudolph Flips Out*
Rudolph the Red Nose raindeer,
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.
All of the other raindeer,
used to LAUGH and call him NAMES.
They wouldn't LET poor Rudolph,
join in any raindeer GAMES.
Then one frosty Christmas eve,
Rudolph lost it.
He could'nt take anymore of the torment and humiliation.
The intolerance and critisism of his unique feature.
A life of pain and anguish, a life of hell, needed to end. And Rudolph had to end it.
Yes, he did polish his horns that night.
The spell of RAGE and INSANITY overtook him for several hours.
He went in to Santa's house....and yes, he did lash him with his own whip.
The whip that had been used on poor Rudolph so many times before.
This man who had allowed all the abuse by the other raindeer to go on for all these years.
He needed to pay.
And Rudolph took him out. Along with several Elves, who tried to thwart him.
Then Rudolph grabbed Santa's semi-automatic, "special toy".
He went into the barn where the other deer were.....
And there would BE no more mockery....there would BE no more rejection.
Rudolph blew them away. And yes, he decapitated Prancer, because PRANCER had always been EXTRA snotty, encouraging the others to begin their cruelty and ruthless insults.... such as "Rudolph....the Red Nosed Freak".
So I ask you.....ladies and gentalmen of the jury....is this sweet, glowing little wide eyed face that of a cold blooded killer?
Or of an innocent creature....abused from the day he was ripped from his mothers hooves...and forced into slavery. To be verbally bashed, neglected, and isolated....everyday of his life....and who JUST COULD'NT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
Ladies and gentalmen of the jury.....I rest my case.
************Well that's the latest from the "Santa Slaying" trial, now all that's left is for the jury to decide the verdict.
Whatever that might be, we can all be sure that this IS one case that will go down in history.
Back after this.
